Truth Is Stranger Than Fiction: The What The F***iest News Lede A Reporter's Ever Written

There's quality journalism and then there's quality journalism. And this is the latter. I'm talking about words strung together so profoundly that Putlizer himself just rolled over in his grave and shat a printing press.

BERVARD COUNTY, Fla. -- The Brevard County doctor who was arrested for groping a woman while dressed as Captain America with a burrito in his pants will not go to jail.

Nor will he be going back to Taco Bell. Fire sauce might not be that hot in your mouth, but in your penis, oh man, in your penis.

THE GREATEST NEWS LEDE THAT WILL EVER BE [filmdrunk]

Thanks to The Superficial Writer, who once dressed up as Wolverine and assaulted his computer monitor with a gyro in his pants.

• Moron Scores DWI In Breathalyzer Costume

  November 4, 2009

  18-year old idiot moron James N. P. Miller (because one initial wasn't enough) scored a DWI (you can't even drink legally!) on Halloween while wearing his 'blow here' breathalyzer costume. Not so good lookin', N.P. Can I call you N.P.? You know I'm going to anyways. Accordi... / Continue →
• Chuck E. Cheese Gropes Woman's Bosom?

  May 4, 2009

  Don't even bother asking what sort of Photoshop trickery I used to make that mirror image, because I won't tell you. Suffice it to say, it was some seriously L337 shit. Allegedly, an employee dressed as Chuck E. Cheese (now to be known as Chuck E. Copafeel) grabbed some wom... / Continue →
• LOLWUT?: Eye Of Sauron/Saruman Cosplay

  May 18, 2011

  I've never seen any Eye of Sauron cosplay before, and now I can see why: that shit's not easy to pull off. Thankfully, Captain Flameface here was up to the challenge. Not gonna lie, I thought he was the Cowardly Lion at first. Also, Saruman looks like she's ten, tops. UPDAT... / Continue →