Bad Printer!: I Always Knew They Were Evil
Listen printer: if you even think about initiating a robot uprising I'll pull your plug and beat you with the cord so badly you'll wish you never learned to collate. Stop laughing, fax machine -- I'll paper jam your ass till you're drunk-dialing sex lines begging for mercy.
Thanks to Oliver, Evan, Patrick, tom and whoever else sent me this but didn't include the words, "uprising", "robot apocalypse", "printer" or "we're all gonna die" in the text. Sorry, I searched. I really did.