Apr 30 2010What You'd Do During A Zombie Apocalypse

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I don't buy it. I know for a fact you'd spend at least half that pie trying convince your girlfriend it's her last chance to have sex before she's "an undead flesh-bag". Which -- God you have a way with words. I'd do you if I were her.

Things I Would Do During A Zombie Apocalypse [graphjam]

Thanks to Em Jay, who would be 50% thankful it wasn't robots, 50% maybe I should check Geekologie to find out what to do, 50% curious what brains taste like.

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hell yeah, I would be in the raiding stores for food and weapons section!

There is very little meat in these gym mats

i'd go all L4D on the fuckers! =D yay for zombie apocalypse!!

missing category: Not turn into a zombie

What I'd do:

- Talking every girl I meet into end-of-the-world sex.

- Hitting the nearest gun stores and loading up.

- Finding higher ground, for sniping entertainment. Preferably on top of a supermarket / gun store. If I have time to fortify the entrances with burning vehicle wreckage, so much the better.

- Leading a crew of teen misfits and rebels into building a rolling fortress out of a school bus and a ton of scrap metal, A-Team style.

- Going all Ving Rhames on some zombies with some last-stand shotgun action.

SEX!
just in case... if i die i wanna die happy and please :D

What would I do if it was really happening? I'd swim into an island, or steal a boat. Why?

Zombies can't swim.

I'd negotiate with the zombies. I'm sure if we all sat down together and talked it out we could make them understand.

This is racist! There are zombies at work and they're nice, always willing to lend a hand! Some of my best friends are zombies!

(Although I wouldn't want my sister to marry one.)

How do you disarm a zombie? ... Chainsaw
I've got a zombie working for me who's stealing. How do I fire him? ... Flamethrower

Wow, THIS got on Geekologie?!? Must've been a slow day!

No problem. I am already prepared for the shit. I have read the "The Zombie Survival Guide" twice bitches. The Walking Dead monthly reader. Stocked up on food and water. Zombies ain't got nothing on me!

Crom!

@7 You've obviously never seen dawn of the dead. There are zombies on the island as well.

Yeah you're pretty much fucked.

FB Group: The Hardest Part of a Zombie Apocalypse Will be Pretending I'm Not Excited

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/group.php?gid=2210852390

#13 - Could be so, but that would mean the infection has somehow reached the island. Could be infected rats, birds... I'm not sure can you get infected if you are attacked by animal? I'd need some information from this...

But the one solid fact remains. Zombies can't swim.

I already have a ready to go shit hits the fan emergency survival loadout of clothes, food, tools, ammo, weapons, medkit, water, and such in my closet. If the zombie apocalypse comes i'll be ready, or at least serve as a zombified walking cache of goodies for whoever eventually ends me.

Raiding supermarkets, malls, and gun stores are for people with deathwishes, as you'll probably end up shot by one of the many other joe blows who had the same idea and is willing to fight you for the same can of tuna or bottle of water.

@7 hey man I wouldn't be to sure about that.. you ever watch Pirates of the Carribean? those mother fuckers would walk under water.. they are like zombies. Think about it man, they don't have to breath cause their rotting corpses so they can just walk underwater to the island...

so you should rethink your strategy.

@15, true I agree zombies can't swim. But what kind of zombies are we talking about here? if your talking like Left 4 Dead zombies I think you'd be safe, if your talking zombies from I am Legend.. that one guys who lost his girl was fuckin smart and I bet they could get a boat working and if not maybe a paddle boat. I'm just saying, If you do go to an island I would build a wall or some defense just in case

@15 - zombies can't swim, but they can walk through bodies of water considering they have no need for oxygen or food. So they could easily walk through miles and miles of ocean to reach your island, walk right up on shore, and maul the shit out of you there. Oh, and no self respecting shark or fish of prey is gonna try and eat a zombie. The only limiting factor is distance and rate of decomposition, which would be very slow if we're talking about the freezing cold ocean floor. IF you'd read the Zombie Survival Guide you'd know that. ;)

@19 I gotta get that book :o

The only way to avoid infection would have to be going into space, i think.

What about the pressure in deep ocean? I suppose even zombie bodies can't stand pressure, due it has similar characteristics as human body.... So underwater "walking" shouldn't be possible for long distances, depending on the depth of course.

@clever
AND you've obviously never seen Zombi:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hSPG9QQg4C0

well we do have a human population problem... why not let a bodily fluid transmission virus that turns people into blood hungry zombies infect the population. this way when i kill all the zombies there will only be the strongest that survived. that's right all you fatasses aint making it past that box of twinkies...

Who said something about twinkies....

Long time listener 1st time poster !

I'd so be sitting on the roof tops of a gun shop shooting their brains out

@25

Awesomely original idea.

Also, could you get in trouble for raping zombies?

Just wondering..

My friends and I are prepared thanks to BreakGlassZombies.com

Swimming or not, there will be zombies on that island.
There is always at least one fucktard who thinks "there is a cure!" And they bring their infected kid / lover/ parent / child with them.

Let's face it, we're all doomed.

I Would call Burt from Tremors.....he'd know what to do.....

I would heavily fortify a shopping center. with only one or two entrances and foot thick concrete for walls for each store, it is the one of the best places to be.

1)you first start at gun/athletic store in the same center (I have a specific shopping center in mind fyi) then when that building is completely fortified using shelves and/or the drop cages you move on (via the roof) to the Lowe's that is attached.

2)Fortify that and get the building supplies to make your fortifications significantly stronger (any form of block/cement/wood). once the 2 buildings have been fully sealed with the only entrance being the roof top/drop-able fire escape move on to the Walmart Super Center in the same plaza.

3) Having lived for the last few days on power bars from the two other stores you will be quite drained. Make sure to clear all buildings from a sniping position using the sky lights before dropping to do another safety sweep.
After fortification you are now able to slow down, eat a real meal, get laid-while playing PS3 (the basics).

4)the first 3 steps should take no more than one week to complete. (proper fortification is a slow process with only 1-5 people). Any time wasted after this means you will lose most of the frozen/chilled foods in the super center. Immediately after step 3 move on to the Sams Club on the other side of the wall to harvest an electric generator.

5) This/these generators are necessary for powering the freezer/s only. (open front freezers are a waste of energy; only use full seal freezers and dispose/eatreallyfast any unneeded foods). This is what will keep you alive for the longest time period.

6) Head back to the Lowe's and move as many bags of topsoil/peat mulch to the roof as possible to make gardens. Fill these with a variety of plants that fit the current season. (sustainable existence)

7) when fortifying the Super Center you should be sure to leave one (ONLY 1) of the repair center doors functional. Be sure to add metal to the door and brackets so it can not be pushed in or pulled off. Also create and system to pull it up by hand (simple pulleys). Using fencing from Lowe's create a secondary room on the inside of the doors so when cars come in you can kill any tag-a-longs. (This should be your only door. All other areas that were originally doors should now be stronger than the walls [which you will also fortify in time])

8) create a radio, fortified car, purified rain-catch, personal gas tank, Solar panels, windmill generators, panic room and anything else you can think of from the available resources.

9)when you finally run out of something send 2-4 people in one vehicle out on timed missions to find only what you need. use radios and roof top spotters so no time/gas is wasted getting the vehicle in and out.

I have a full 25 page plan laid out which consists of these basics, as well as the procedure to do all of this with possible conflicts (others beating me to it, not being able to close doors, not enough ammo/weapons... its all been covered).

Not trying to soon like a pervert or anything but I would seriously just go on a rampage of hitting, rape if comes to any non-zombie chick I come across and if things get bad to the point where they're no more living female ladies I would commit suicide. /=

Hey i was watching a show on discovery channel the other day and they said that alligators loved eat rotting flesh. then i thought "hey zombies a rotting flesh so why not do like they did with casltes in the old days. if ever we do have a zombie apocalypse we should dig trenches around our cities/houses and throw in some alligators so with the alligators eating the zombies, everybody wins...well except the zombies.

#30 I'm with you. Just give me sword. No wait I have 2. :)

We would just nee to wait it out, until all of the zombies die. They would rot to nothing or die from mal-nutrition. :P

Hey y'all I was looking for a blog I could talk about this stuff on I think I would fortify the supermarket and bring my girlfriend and would just have sex and rape any zombies with a shotgun.

The problem with many of these is the fact that pretty much everybody has these ideas. A ton of people would go the mall, grocery stores, gun stores, and all of that. Large groups of people would draw thousands of zombies and those that think those places are Safe would indeed be the first to die. The best way to survive would be to live in a secluded rural area, perhaps with an old fallout shelter with months supply of food and water.

Pounding every guy in arms reach I wanna die happy and satsisfyed

@36 I'll make sure I'm within arms reach of you.

I agree with Corey #35. everyone would be converging on those locations. you need to come up with something that survivable & enduring. movement equals survival. also, how are you going to restart "civilization"? need certain skills to survive to carry on the human race. just remember not to bring the douche bags.

@Cherokee4Life Pirates of The Carribean aren't even close to zombies, they were still alive, and was anyone spreading a Cannibialism virus...Uhh, no. Now Land of the Dead on the other hand. There are a group of zombie's walking under water...Zombies would find you even if you go to an island. But then again it wasn't an ocean, and these zombies were more second generation and had more of the capabiliety to think. Dawn of the Dead just showed the virus was everywhere. You're not safe in a zombie attack just more safe.

I'd be raiding a lot of vagisil from the local pharmacy.

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