It's Anti-Toot!: The Better Marriage Blanket

1. dannydevito - April 30, 2010 5:47 PM

onest

2. me - April 30, 2010 5:49 PM

Still no match for the Dutch Oven.

3. Ernie - April 30, 2010 5:49 PM

I can't imagine how bad that will smell after a few hundred farts.

4. Jake - April 30, 2010 5:50 PM

So whats the point in this if you can just dutch oven someone?

5. Cadoo! - April 30, 2010 5:52 PM

wait... thats gross,

6. Naasty - April 30, 2010 5:57 PM

"a health issue, or just the occasional disagreeable meal"

OR YOU ARE AN OMNIVORE AND SOMETIMES EAT SOME @#$%ING MEAT

7. RazorJack - April 30, 2010 5:57 PM

Ha! Now I can save my horrible marriage!

8. MoD - April 30, 2010 6:01 PM

My wife likes to go home after eating a meaty meal and fart in a shoe box.

9. Clifurd - April 30, 2010 6:05 PM

Fart Blanket FTW!!!..........NOT

10. Sorkargg - April 30, 2010 6:08 PM

that's some awesome wedding present. "Hey tom I know you fart a lot so I thought I'd embarrass you at your wedding. No problem man, my pleasure!"

11. Lindsay - April 30, 2010 6:09 PM

I like smelling my husbands pungent aroma

12. TomArnold - April 30, 2010 6:11 PM

@8, Sounds like you're wife is a disgusting pig with terrible farting etiquette if you ask me for my honest opinion. PS what brand of shoe box was it, Nike, Converse?

13. Liquid Tension - April 30, 2010 6:12 PM

1-800-981-1134..... call now

14. Dishy - April 30, 2010 6:14 PM

Warning: Keep blanket away from open flame.

15. they're real and they're spectacular - April 30, 2010 6:14 PM

This is nothing, there have been fart-proof underwear (called UnderEase) and self-perfuming business suits for years. Both have won Ignobel Prizes, and they aren't even the craziest ones. Check it out at Annals of Improbable Research (AIR).

16. Dishy - April 30, 2010 6:18 PM

I'd like a snuggie made of that. I'd put it on and stuff it with hams and bacon. 'Cause I love smoked meat.

Hmmm, savor that deep rich flavor.

17. Dishy - April 30, 2010 6:25 PM

@15 trats, if you ever get a chance, go to the Ignoble Prize ceremony. Once a year at Harvard. It's really funny.

And who knows, maybe one day you'll be one of the recipients.

18. Naas - April 30, 2010 6:45 PM

Yoghurt or yogurt is a dairy product produced by bacterial fermentation of milk. Fermentation of lactose produces lactic acid, which acts on milk protein to give yoghurt its texture and its characteristic tang. Dairy yoghurt is produced using a culture of Lactobacillus delbrueckii subsp. bulgaricus and Streptococcus salivarius subsp. thermophilus bacteria. The milk is heated to about 180°F. to kill any undesirable bacteria and to change the milk proteins so that they set together rather than form curds. It is then cooled to about 110°F. The bacteria culture is added, and this temperature is maintained for 4 to 7 hours for fermentation. Soy yoghurt, a non-dairy yoghurt alternative, is made from soy milk.

People have been making—and eating—yogurt for at least 5,400 years. Today it is a common food item throughout the world. A nutritious food with unique health benefits, it is rich in protein, calcium, riboflavin, vitamin B6 and vitamin B12.

The word is derived from Turkish: yoğurt,[1] and is related to yoğurmak 'to knead' and yoğun "dense" or "thick".[2] The letter ğ was traditionally rendered as "gh" in transliterations of Turkish, which used to be written in a variant of the Arabic alphabet until the introduction of the Latin alphabet in 1928. In older Turkish the letter denoted a voiced velar fricative /ɣ/, but this sound is elided between back vowels in modern Turkish, in which the word is pronounced [joˈuɾt]. Some eastern dialects retain the consonant in this position, and Turks in the Balkans pronounce the word with a hard /ɡ/.

In Bulgaria yogurt is called "кисело мляко" (kiselo mlyako), which means "sour milk"; in Serbia, yogurt is also called "кисело млеко" (kiselo mleko), while Serbian yogurt is a thick, milky liquid produced by fermentation of milk.

In English, there are several variations of the spelling of the word. In Australia and New Zealand "yoghurt" prevails.[3][4] In the United Kingdom "yoghurt" and "yogurt" are both current, "yoghurt" being more common, and "yoghourt" is an uncommon alternative.[5] In the United States, "yogurt'" is the usual spelling and "yoghurt" a minor variant. In Canada, "yogurt" is most common among English speakers, but many brands use "yogourt," since it is correct in both official languages.

Whatever the spelling, the word is usually pronounced with a short o (/ˈjɒɡət/) in the UK, with a long o (/ˈjoʊɡərt/) in North America, Australia and South Africa, and with either a long or short o in New Zealand and Ireland.
Until the 1900s, yoghurt was a staple in diets of people in the Russian Empire (and especially Central Asia and the Caucasus), Western Asia, South Eastern Europe/Balkans, Central Europe, and India. Stamen Grigorov (1878–1945), a Bulgarian student of medicine in Geneva, first examined the microflora of the Bulgarian yoghurt. In 1905 he described it as consisting of a spherical and a rod-like lactic acid bacteria. In 1907 the rod-like bacteria was called Lactobacillus bulgaricus (now Lactobacillus delbrueckii subsp. bulgaricus). The Russian Nobel laureate biologist Ilya Ilyich Mechnikov, from the Institut Pasteur in Paris, was influenced by Grigorov's work and hypothesised that regular consumption of yoghurt was responsible for the unusually long lifespans of Bulgarian peasants. Believing Lactobacillus to be essential for good health, Mechnikov worked to popularise yoghurt as a foodstuff throughout Europe.

A Sephardic Jewish entrepreneur named Isaac Carasso industrialized the production of yoghurt. In 1919, Carasso, who was from Ottoman Salonika, started a small yoghurt business in Barcelona and named the business Danone ("little Daniel") after his son. The brand later expanded to the United States under an Americanised version of the name: Dannon.
Tarator is a cold soup made of yoghurt popular in Bulgaria.

Yoghurt with added fruit jam was patented in 1933 by the Radlická Mlékárna dairy in Prague.[11] It was introduced to the United States in 1947, by Dannon.

Yoghurt was first introduced to the United States by Armenian immigrants Sarkis and Rose Colombosian, who started "Colombo and Sons Creamery" in Andover, Massachusetts in 1929.[12][13] Colombo Yogurt was originally delivered around New England in a horse-drawn wagon inscribed with the Armenian word "madzoon" which was later changed to "yogurt", the Turkish name of the product, as Turkish was the lingua franca between immigrants of the various Near Eastern ethnicities[citation needed] who were the main consumers at that time. Yoghurt's popularity in the United States was enhanced in the 1950s and 1960s, when it was presented as a health food. By the late 20th century yoghurt had become a common American food item and Colombo Yogurt was sold in 1993 to General Mills, which discontinued the brand in 2010
Dadiah, or Dadih, is a traditional West Sumatran yoghurt made from water buffalo milk. It is fermented in bamboo tubes.

Yoghurt is popular in Nepal, where it is served both as an appetizer or dessert. Locally called dahi (दही), it is a part of the Nepali culture, used in local festivals, marriage ceremonies, parties, religious occasions, family gatherings, and so on. The most famous type of Nepalese yoghurt is called juju dahu, originating from the city of Bhaktapur.

Tarator and Cacık are popular cold soups made from yoghurt, popular during summertime in Albania, Bulgaria, Republic of Macedonia, and Turkey. They are made with ayran, cucumbers, dill, salt, olive oil, and optionally garlic and ground walnuts.

Rahmjoghurt, a creamy yoghurt with much higher fat content (10%) than most yoghurts offered in English-speaking countries (Rahm is German for "cream"), is available in Germany and other countries.

Cream-top yoghurt is yoghurt made with unhomogenized milk. A layer of cream rises to the top, forming a rich yoghurt cream. Cream-top yoghurt was first made commercially popular in the United States by Brown Cow of Newfield, New York, bucking the trend toward low- and non-fat yoghurts.

Jameed is yoghurt which is salted and dried to preserve it. It is popular in Jordan.

Zabady is the yoghurt made in Egypt. It is particularly associated with Ramadan fasting, as it is thought to prevent thirst during all-day fasting.[22]

Raita is a yoghurt-based South Asian/Indian condiment, used as a side dish. The yoghurt is seasoned with cilantro (coriander), cumin, mint, cayenne pepper, and other herbs and spices. Vegetables such as cucumber and onions are mixed in, and the mixture is served chilled. Raita has a cooling effect on the palate which makes it a good foil for spicy Indian dishes.

Dudh is a Sindhi-curd, popular in India. People drink dudh along with food at intervals, to help digestion and make food more delicious. In some places dudh is also served with plain rice.

Dahi is a yoghurt of the Indian subcontinent, known for its characteristic taste and consistency. The word dahi seems to be derived from the Sanskrit word dadhi, one of the five elixirs, or panchamrita, often used in Hindu ritual. Dahi also holds cultural symbolism in many homes in the Mithilanchal region of Bihar. It is found in different flavours, two of which are famous: sour yoghurt (tauk doi) and sweet yoghurt (meesti or podi doi). In India, it is often used in cosmetics mixed with turmeric and honey. Sour yoghurt (खट्टी दही) is also used as a hair conditioner by women in many parts of India. Dahi is also known as Thayiru (Malayalam), doi (Assamese, Bengali), dohi (Oriya), perugu (Telugu), Mosaru (Kannada), Thayir (Tamil), or Qәzana a pәәner (Pashto).

Srikhand, a popular dessert in India, is made from drained yoghurt, saffron, cardamom, nutmeg and sugar and sometimes fruits such as mango or pineapple.
Yoghurt was first introduced to the United States by Armenian immigrants Sarkis and Rose Colombosian, who started "Colombo and Sons Creamery" in Andover, Massachusetts in 1929.[12][13] Colombo Yogurt was originally delivered around New England in a horse-drawn wagon inscribed with the Armenian word "madzoon" which was later changed to "yogurt", the Turkish name of the product, as Turkish was the lingua franca between immigrants of the various Near Eastern ethnicities[citation needed] who were the main consumers at that time. Yoghurt's popularity in the United States was enhanced in the 1950s and 1960s, when it was presented as a health food. By the late 20th century yoghurt had become a common American food item and Colombo Yogurt was sold in 1993 to General Mills, which discontinued the brand in 2010.[14]

19. they're real and they're spectacular - April 30, 2010 6:47 PM

@17, I really wan to, but I'm hoping to give the prizes, not receive one ;) , (prizes are given by Nobel laureates, for those who have never heard of the Igs) although I really wouldn't mind. Unfortunately, I live in Missouri, so I won't be going until I can pay for the trip.

I have thought about nominating GW. I looked at the qualifications, but now I can't remember if he fits them.

20. they're real and they're spectacular - April 30, 2010 6:48 PM

@17, I really wan to, but I'm hoping to give the prizes, not receive one ;) , (prizes are given by Nobel laureates, for those who have never heard of the Igs) although I really wouldn't mind. Unfortunately, I live in Missouri, so I won't be going until I can pay for the trip.

I have thought about nominating GW. I looked at the qualifications, but now I can't remember if he fits them.

@18, WTF?

21. they're real and they're spectacular - April 30, 2010 6:50 PM

Goddamnit! I HATE THIS COMPUTER!

22. MoD - April 30, 2010 7:19 PM

Jimmy-Choos

23. Qwhat? - April 30, 2010 7:44 PM

What, your "The Better Marriage Blanket " woud start smelling like your "flatulence"

24. Hugh Jass - April 30, 2010 7:47 PM

I like how they said it protects against chemical weapons. Remember that time? Yeah good times. It's still no match for a dookie nuke

25. Curtis Jackson - April 30, 2010 7:49 PM

Im not as famous anymore guys lets all support me please? sing along to my famous tunes!

[50 Cent]
New York City!
You are now rapping...with 50 Cent
You gotta love it...
I just wanna chill and twist a lot
Catch suns in my 7-45
You drive me crazy shorty I
Need to see you and feel you next to me
I provide everything you need and I
Like your smile I don't wanna see you cry
Got some questions that I got to ask and I
Hope you can come up with the answers babe

[Nate Dogg]
Girl...It's easy to love me now
Would you love me if I was down and out?
Would you still have love for me?
Girl...It's easy to love me now
Would you love me if I was down and out?
Would you still have love for me?
Girl...

[50 Cent]
If I feel off tomorrow would you still love me?
If I didn't smell so good would you still hug me?
If I got locked up and sentenced to a quarter century,
Could I count on you to be there to support me mentally?
If I went back to a hoopty from a Benz, would you poof and disappear like
some of my friends?
If I was hit and I was hurt would you be by my side?
If it was time to put in work would you be down to ride?
I'd get out and peel a nigga cap and chill and drive
I'm asking questions to find out how you feel inside
If I ain't rap 'cause I flipped burgers at Burger King
would you be ashamed to tell your friends you feelin' me?
And in bed if I used to my tongue, would you like that?
If I wrote you a love letter would you write back?
Now we can have a lil' drink you know a nightcap
And we could go do what you like, I know you like that

[Nate Dogg]
Girl...It's easy to love me now
Would you love me if I was down and out?
Would you still have love for me?
Girl...It's easy to love me now (Woo!)
Would you love me if I was down and out?
Would you still have love for me?
Girl...

[50 Cent]
Now would you leave me if you're father found out I was thuggin'?
Do you believe me when I tell you, you the one I'm loving?
Are you mad 'cause I'm asking you 21 questions?
Are you my soulmate? 'Cause if so, girl you a blessing
Do you trust me enough, to tell me your dreams?
I'm staring at ya' trying to figure how you got in them jeans
If I was down would you say things to make me smile?
I treat you how you want to be treated just teach me how
If I was with some other chick and someone happened to see?
And when you asked me about it I said it wasn't me
Would you believe me? Or up and leave me?
How deep is our bond if that's all it takes for you to be gone?
And always remember girl we make mistakes, to make it up I do whatever it take
I love you like a fat kid love cake
You know my style I say anything to make you smile

[Nate Dogg]
Girl...It's easy to love me now
Would you love me if I was down and out?
Would you still have love for me?
Girl...It's easy to love me now
Would you love me if I was down and out?
Would you still have love for me?
Girl...

Could you love me in a Bentley?
Could you love me on a bus?
I'll ask 21 questions, and they all about us
Could you love me in a Bentley?
Could you love me on a bus?
I'll ask 21 questions, and they all about us

"Candy Shop"
(feat. Olivia)

[Intro: 50 Cent]
Yeah...
Uh huh
So seductive

[Chorus: 50 Cent & Olivia]
[50 Cent]
I'll take you to the candy shop
I'll let you lick the lollipop
Go 'head girl, don't you stop
Keep going 'til you hit the spot (woah)
[Olivia]
I'll take you to the candy shop
Boy one taste of what I got
I'll have you spending all you got
Keep going 'til you hit the spot (woah)

[Verse 1: 50 Cent]
You can have it your way, how do you want it
You gon' back that thing up or should i push up on it
Temperature rising, okay lets go to the next level
Dance floor jam packed, hot as a teakettle
I'll break it down for you now, baby it's simple
If you be a nympho, I'll be a nympho
In the hotel or in the back of the rental
On the beach or in the park, it's whatever you into
Got the magic stick, I'm the love doctor
Have your friends teasing you 'bout how sprung I gotcha
Wanna show me how you work it baby, no problem
Get on top then get to bouncing round like a low rider
I'm a seasons vet when it come to this shit
After you work up a sweat you can play with the stick
I'm trying to explain baby the best way I can
I melt in your mouth girl, not in your hands (ha ha)

[Chorus]

[Bridge: 50 Cent & Olivia]
Girl what we do (what we do)
And where we do (and where we do)
The things we do (things we do)
Are just between me and you (oh yeah)

[Verse 2: 50 Cent]
Give it to me baby, nice and slow
Climb on top, ride like you in the rodeo
You ain't never heard a sound like this before
Cause I ain't never put it down like this before
Soon as I come through the door she get to pulling on my zipper
It's like it's a race who can get undressed quicker
Isn't it ironic how erotic it is to watch em in thongs
Had me thinking 'bout that ass after I'm gone
I touch the right spot at the right time
Lights on or lights off, she like it from behind
So seductive, you should see the way she wind
Her hips in slow-mo on the floor when we grind
As Long as she ain't stopping, homie I ain't stopping
Dripping wet with sweat man its on and popping
All my champagne campaign, bottle after bottle its on
And we gon' sip 'til every bubble in every bottle is gone

[Chorus 2x]

26. Naas - April 30, 2010 7:50 PM

Seriously spammer, WTF is wrong with you, are you like super retarded or something, this site doesnt need you or any of these idiot posers here, if I ever see you in real life Id love to beat the crap outta you no doubt Id take you on easy!

Losers!

27. fake naas is fake - April 30, 2010 8:12 PM

18 + 26 fakest naas posts ever but the yogurt one was ok anyway

28. John - April 30, 2010 8:16 PM

Forget blankets. They need to use this shit on public transportation and elevators. It would both help in case of crazy terrorist chemical attack and to cut back on that bum-just-shat-himself-while-sleeping-in-the-back-seat-of-the-bus issue.

29. Naas - April 30, 2010 8:33 PM

@27 you gotta be kidding me right? I am the naas one and only who sucks of..im not gonna say..heehee teee

30. K - April 30, 2010 8:49 PM

Real or fake, Naas can suck it!

31. Jaja - April 30, 2010 8:58 PM

Oh wow this is pitiful... >_<
Ps. Posting from Fedora XD

32. ZoWzAa - April 30, 2010 9:02 PM

"Hey honey, could you wash the countless beer farts out of our blanket for me?"

I can hear those words already...

33. Tennist0 - April 30, 2010 9:53 PM

I hope I get a ton of these @ my future wedding...GREAT GIFT!

34. Joseph - May 1, 2010 12:33 AM

why would I want to trap all my tiny poop particles in a blanket?

35. Momo-Deary - May 1, 2010 1:43 AM

This has Pink-eye written all over it

36. Zanatrek - May 1, 2010 2:09 AM

@18 and 25 Post bread next time.

Anyway, if I had a husband who's being an asshole, this commercial only makes me want to purposely fart in this mouth as he sleeps in silence.

37. bar room hero - May 1, 2010 2:28 AM

@25

rap is garbage.

38. european - May 1, 2010 3:37 AM

America, you never cease to amaze me!

39. Vanessa - May 1, 2010 3:44 AM

rotflmao

40. Naas - May 1, 2010 9:43 AM

Reader Comments