When You're Really In Love: Bacon Bouquet
Flowers, as you may well know, are the key to a woman's heart. And by heart I mean bloomers. But when you're truly in love, crappy red roses simply will not do. Enter the bacon bouquet. It looks like flowers, but that shit is bacon! You keep these things coming and you'll make your way into a woman's XL granny-pannies in no time. Now, close your eyes. Are they closed? Wait, open them. I want you to read this next sentence and then close them tight and concentrate, okay? The worst dimpled, flabby, wrinkled grandma butt your brain can come up with, GO!
Bacon Roses [bitsandpieces]
Thanks to Racheal, who, for the tip, get's a bologna bouquet. God, I'm poor, okay?!
-
Want to give that special lady something without actually spending any coconuts? Make her a heart with your graphing calculator! Tell her it's your heart. Tell her in high school you traded it to a wizard that lives in your calculator in exchange for not failing Calculus but... / Continue →
-
You know how they say that couples that are together for a long time start to look like one another? I know, I thought that was an old wive's tale too (old wives talk about the craziest shit!). Anyway, with this concept in mind, an upcoming online dating service (findyourfac... / Continue →
-
I wish I'd been this clever in high school. Unfortunately for my early love life, I was not. If only I had a time machine I could go back in time and pass Leslie Labia a cute note like this instead of the one I did. God, the embarrassment. It read, "Mrs. Martin, I shat my p... / Continue →
