Jan 28 2010Wait, What?: Certified Virgin Certificates
People can tell by your social awkwardness, you don't need a certificate. Also, isn't selling $1 virgin diplomas to people who "feel like a virgin, or want to be a virgin again" encouraging deception? And deception, as we all know, is the mantra of the Decepticons. Don't get me wrong, I still ordered like fifty certificates with a bunch of my aliases, but still. Do as I say, not as I do.
Thanks to David, who has a certified sexpert certificate. And I should know, I signed it.
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Reader Comments
1. Isaac - January 28, 2010 2:08 PM
I hope I ruin someone getting first with this post. I hate you all.
2. Issy - January 28, 2010 2:11 PM
What if I tell you I have a virgin certificate? Will you love me then Isaac?
3. Tojo Reeves - January 28, 2010 2:12 PM
Excellent job, Isaac. Excellent job.
4. Isaac - January 28, 2010 2:13 PM
As long as I can shout out 'FIRST' afterwards. I'm happy.
5. UnpaidParkingTickets - January 28, 2010 2:17 PM
lol..dude looks like Blake from American Idol. I thought he would get some after being on television.
http://www.americanidol.com/archive/contestants/season6/blake_lewis/
6. Closet Nerd - January 28, 2010 2:19 PM
I suffer from a very sexy learning disorder......... sexlexia
7. Richard McBeef - January 28, 2010 2:20 PM
the jesus knows when you are lying and a fake certificate is just kindling for the fires of hell.
8. kidc - January 28, 2010 2:38 PM
what smells like blue?
9. Closet Nerd - January 28, 2010 2:38 PM
And for the ladies.... don't forget your fake virginity kit too
http://www.geekologie.com/2009/10/wait_what_fake_virginity_kits.php
10. Kyle - January 28, 2010 2:47 PM
LOL. Pink button right on their main page says
"Get Cetified"
We've got automatic spell check in almost every program and yet...
11. rockgut - January 28, 2010 2:49 PM
Because you should celebrate the fact that you can't get any.
12. poop - January 28, 2010 2:52 PM
I Ejaculate Blood
13. atheistgirl - January 28, 2010 2:54 PM
Nobody would belive me even if I did have one of these.
14. Pat - January 28, 2010 2:58 PM
It's not official until you've seen Rhea of the Coos.
[10 billion Internet points to whoever gets that reference.]
15. Heather - January 28, 2010 3:23 PM
Wow that really takes the awkard out of announcing it. XD Like a guy is pressuring you and you just, take out your certificate. BAM!
16. Biwamaru - January 28, 2010 3:25 PM
i have one now yeahhh!!
http://e2d1bee0.linkbucks.com
17. I'm not bald - January 28, 2010 3:32 PM
Dudes already going bald and he has never been laid.
ANd happy about it!
18. michelle - January 28, 2010 3:39 PM
Can you get special stamps that say "void" once the cherry gets popped?
19. Jimmy - January 28, 2010 3:43 PM
@ Poop: I'm sure Edward Cullen will be calling you soon.
20. mike - January 28, 2010 3:47 PM
what is that font?
21. I never back down - January 28, 2010 3:47 PM
@6 Nice Futurama reference
Also I CAN'T WAIT TO LOSE MY VIRGINITY AGAIN!!! YAY for stupid products!!!
22. Jeff - January 28, 2010 3:49 PM
@Kyle : just saw it got fixed the main button
23. isaak - January 28, 2010 3:50 PM
Don't worry Pat ... I have not forgotten the face of my father!
24. Alejandro - January 28, 2010 3:56 PM
With that face, you dont need any certificate
25. LA0811 - January 28, 2010 5:11 PM
For $1 I'll sell all the nerds a "Certified Sexed" certificate.
26. LA0811 - January 28, 2010 5:15 PM
@Pat: She of the six-legged mutie cat, Musty?
27. CaptPartytime - January 28, 2010 5:19 PM
Annnnd if you look closely the "Virgin Certifier" is a former president. Probably just a nod to Woodrow Wilson's policy of isolationism. That's HISTORY kid, alllll over yer face! Er, I mean this wall...
28. RighteousJoana - January 28, 2010 6:35 PM
He's def not a virgin. Even if he has his certificate, I don't believe it!
29. Naked Chicks Rule - January 28, 2010 6:57 PM
Certified Guy Virgin = Certified Gay Closet-Case
'nuff said
30. Randal(l) - January 28, 2010 7:53 PM
I all ready have my virginity certified, I posted on Geekologie.
ZING!
Randal(l)
31. Eva - January 28, 2010 8:43 PM
Well that's cheating.
32. Jiakasuma - January 29, 2010 12:50 AM
I know for sure that mines will be valid for a very long time! :3