Jan 12 2010All Night Long: How Long Could You Survive Chained To A Bunk Bed With A Velociraptor?


I could easily go all night and LOVE EVERY SECOND OF IT. That's practically my dream world. Unfortunately, this hellaflawed quiz said I'd only last 1 minute 56 seconds. Just sayin' -- I would wear that dino out. Not unlike my friend Barney. Get that frumpy purple ass of yours back here!

How long could you survive chained to a bunk bed with a velociraptor? [theoatmeal]

Thanks to Kenny, Xavier and Chris, who combined could only last 0:03.

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Reader Comments

"PMS.... we can go all night baby"

Id like to thank the academy having way to much time on my hands and no other website loading

I call top bunk!

I hate you closet nerd
I seriously have some anger thats building up

@2 ahw, fail...

It says I would last 1:25 minutes..... that is about how long I lasted last night....... just kidding, it was more like 1:17 minutes...... just sayin

Those are some messed up questions. I would only last 54 seconds, lol!

1 min 16 secs!

Even though I'm on the top bunk and I've garrotted the bastard.

We are nothing more than hairy gorilla balls in the mist. Take for example this breadcrumb dipped in worcestershire sauce. It is neither firm or spongy. It is mearly a cheese cake.

is the chains the same length?

The chains is the same length niggaz.

I don't care how long I survived. My obituary would say that I was killed by a velociraptor that was chained to my bed, and that would be awesome enough for me.

Um... whoops, forgot to change the name back.

@2 & 4 - everyone hates you so nobody cares if you're angry. Especially when you fail at being a loser by losing some more. Closet Nerd has GW saying 'just sayin' so fuck off..... just sayin

I lasted 18mins because I just shared some bud with the dino, we got along fine before he got the munchies

44 seconds.

It's all about the bottom bunk by the way. Raptors are faster and better at jumping than you, plus in the time it took you to climb up to the top you'd lose a leg. In the bottom bunk you can keep yourself out of reach - unlike you, the raptor can't fit in that space.


@13 you're going to have the cause of death in your obituary? I can't imagine many people do that. "To our beloved Ted, who had his head torn off his neck in a car crash".

Although, if it was something this awesome...

@16 its head can, that's what counts. I just bled out due to losing an arm. I had that thing deaded - I had a chain wrapped around it neck for a whole minute.

@4 Let me know next time you're in Philly..... I still have plenty of rage built up from some asshole harassing my wife and kids last week, and I'd love nothing more than to turn your face into a bloody slab of tenderized meat, so if you're balls are feeling quite large, schedule a trip on over to Philly.... I'll be waiting...... just sayin

1 31...
I've had better.

Whoo! 1 minute 44 seconds baby!

54 seconds for me.

And I second (third?) the chains issue. If both chains were the same length, and they were attached to opposite ends of the bed (as per the picture) I could run to the end of mine and the velociraptor would not be able to reach me. Therefore, I declare my result to be incorrect. I could last all night baby!

I'm a geek, just saying :)

@4 and my comment #20 was written while I was in a GOOD MOOD.... you don't even want to see me on a bad day..... I'd hit you so hard, I'd knock out your grandchildren's teeth...... just sayin

I used the clock on the wall to feed to the velociraptor as a dino cookie. While he was distracted trying to munch it down (you only have a few seconds here) I threw the chain around his neck Leia style, chocked the life out of the thing, ate it's brains & then made love to a cardboard cutout of princess leia

It said I won the contest

Run to the end of the chain opposite the raptor and lie down. Most likely the raptor has the same length chain but on the other side of the bed (it looks like). The raptor will probably be able to reach the end of your chain where it's attached to your leg. This is the tricky part. Let the raptor nibble on your leg. After a bit you should be able to pull your stump out and get away, minus a foot. Simple!

@26 similar to Saw 1, but with less comedic acting....

44 seconds!

then again, if you're doomed to die, surely sooner would be better?

whoo! 1min 44 secs....i'd feed him the mattress with my ipod touch duvet.

I love how I was redirected to search for "Firmenrechtsschutz"..... then next time I was redirected, it searched for "anti-spamming tools" ...... a little bit ironic, don'tcha think?

the real question is how long could the Velociraptor Survive WITH ME!!!


Just long enough to tweet "is chained to a bed with a velociraptor"

Damn i would only lasts 22 seconds. :(

1:25. probably cause i took the bottom bunk lol

Velociraptors are actually only the size of turkeys, so it would be no different than having a rabid dog chained to the bed. Kick it and you'd probably break some ribs. And then dine on its corpse. Yumm. Dinosaur. It's what's for dinner

This is amazing.

"Real" velocirraptors were no bigger than a chicken or a turkey (and yes, had feathers), so kicking his head off you'd survive forever...

to this overrated raptor, 1:10.

1 minute and 19 seconds! Fuck yeah! Although I was more excited to find out I am considered "average height." Then I realized girls take this quiz too. Then I got sad. I'm going to go chain myself to the bed and hope one either a slamming hot nympho chick or a velociraptor walks in on me.

@37 that was later in their evolutionary development.

@ 35
True. Velociraptors are only three feet long, despite what Jurassic Park says.

@41 NO! LET A MAN DREAM! I want a velociraptor to feed me for a month!

I like the renderings of what the first wings were like on velociraptors.

56 seconds here

Isn't the top bunk the starting position btw rather then somwhere you're trying to get?

And if the Raptor is that short, depending in the length of the chain you could jump off the other side from it and leave it suspended in midair, try jumping when you dangling from a chain damn jumped up featherless turkey!

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