Dec 1 2009You've Gotta Be Kidding Me: My Life Is Twilight

I think I'm taking the rest of the geekologie day off today.... can't do the twlight anything

Its like that time I had my girlfriend hold an icecube in her mouth while she....... you get tthe idea....... just sayin

Retarded.

Today I was on the internet at work and a co-worker peaked over my shoulder while I was reading Geekologie. He whispered in my ear "the robots will rise." But I didn't see him, and he startled me. I thought he was an evil robot disguised as a co-worker and I kicked him in the nuts. He cried like a little girl but I still think he's a robot. - MLIG

...naah I can't take a day off of geekologie today GW, who am I kidding? Our love is too pure

Posted;

This morning I tried to wake up and go get the paper and my coffee, the sun hurt my eyes, and my skin burned like bacon. I played too much Zelda while listening to Dashboard Confessional - MLIG

Kill me now...
...alternatively, kill the creators...
...and the people who post on that site....

Today I considered leaving geekologie because of some twilight turbulence along the ride. Shortly after commenting about it (literally like 6 seconds) GW jumped through my screen & threatened to stab the shit outta me. He's right, but he still reeks of booze & dry hand lotion so maybe not. MLIG

Pedophiles have never had it easier.

Today, I went on geekologie for my daily update of all geekiness and all I saw was boose posts and twilight crap. MLIT
by Crying Nerd - My Life - Your life is SO Twilight! (1) - Not so much Twilight.. (99992)

Fuck Twilight. MLIG.

Today I broke up with my girlfriend, she was really angry about it and tried to bite me. Fortunately she couldn't open the door with her tiny little arms.Although I loved that T-Rex I wasn't "In love" with her anymore.MLIG

I think I might like MILG better than just sayin..... just sayin MILG

Today, while at work, I went outside to watch brand new F22 fly over head... i peed myself 'cause it was so new it wasn't even painted.

MLIG - My Life is Geekologie (Rad ^ Sick) - Not so much Geekologie (43)

@12 HAHAA

Spent another night wandering around town looking for something to do. It seems I have gotten really good at my job. Haven't found anyone in weeks. However I stumbled across this douche stalking this girl Bella. Needless to say I did my job... No more douche. Now the girl is free to do her doggie style.
by Blade - My Life - WTF is Twilight! (1,593) - ARGH!! (2)

Today on the way to work i pretended the whole way I was driving the Tron motorcycle while making the sound effects, MLIG

make sure if you go to that site - crush their twilight hopes by clicking on the "Not so much Twilight" for each entry....

I went an entire week without posting a single comment... I still read every post. MLIG

@13,

what is MILG?

I know what you are. Your dino-love is getting out of hand. Your bacon pajamas are too tight. Your dog is a robot and you don't even seem to notice.

Say it.

You talk to Mario in your sleep. Your skin is pale and you don't go out in the sunlight.

Say it! Say it out loud.

Your hygiene is exceeded only by your jokes.

OK OK, enough already! Say it!

Underpaid Geekologie writer.

Epic:

" I was on facebook and I saw comment that had to do with me. This girl was talking to her boyfriend and said, "I love you like Julie loves her Edward Cullen cardboard cut-out. MLIT

#470 (0) - Nov 30, 2009 10:04 PM by Bitten-By-Edward - Random - Your life is SO Twilight! (10) - Not so much Twilight.. (3)"

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?

Today I posted 3 good articles and 7 shitty ones about fucking Twilight.

MLIG

Today I spent most morning in the traffic sadly wishing that my life was interesting, and by interesting I mean a badly written melodrama with bidimensional characters in which I'm the least interesting of them all. MLIT (not).

Alternatively,

Today I learned that supermodels are so stupid they'll be soon replaced by robots, which is bad for everyone. Damn it Japan!! MLIG.

@20 MILG? Maybe... Mom I'd Like (to) Gag (with my.......)
MLIG

@20 it means 'may I lick gonads?' and it's how you end everything you say if you're cool

Dear Geekologie,

How could you miss the quote,

"I've rubbed off on my 5 year old son..." (no one cares about the rest of the quote) That one in particular had me all like WTF!?!

-My Life Is Twilight - MLIT #565
mylifeistwilight.com

You've got to be kidding me.

Today, I took a picture of myself wearing a towel-cape, holding up a copy of my favorite Mmo-RPG. MLIG

I asked my boyfriend if he would pull his arms into his sleeves so i could pretend i was kissing a T-Rex. -MLIG

I started reading some of that garbage, but I had to quit because I could feel my testicles shrinking.

@30 haha awesome

I'm staying the hell away from that site all together.... my hemroids are really acting up, and I don't want any blood suckers coming after my ass (hehe).... just sayin
MLIG

Today I woke up in a daze, unable to recognize my surroundings...or myself. I was on a pile of dirty laundry and empty pizza boxes. Unsurprisingly I was alone. Then a horrible smell hit me...I must have sharted in my sleep. (A nightly occurrence, judging by the laundry.) I fought through the smell and opened a nearby laptop. The home page was set to Geekologie. At that moment it all became so clear...MLIG

How many more movies are there gonna be? I can't take this much longer..

Today I masturbated onto myself and then licked the man mess to see what it tasted like. MLIG

Today i procrastinated in class and read geekologie instead. I learned about alcohol pills and fantasized about using all the cataloged twi-tards as cannon fodder for the coming robot wars.
MLIG

@34 poetic and relatable, well done

@35, don't worry. After the movies come the RE-MAKES oO

Que MLiG.

I've often fantasized about random objects being made into the form of glorious bacon/cheese/cholesterol collaborations. MLIG

True Story; Last night I sang my 5 & 7 years old girls to sleep to
The Mario-Kart Love song...They sang along. Then I had a few
shots of vodka and read geekologie till midnight.MLIG
Its sad but' 100% true..

Today I woke up just to post this comment... and rewind my Betamax porn collection. MLIG

So really they are writing about how much their life sucks, they just don't realize it.

I checked the comments to see if anyone responded to anything I said, and then cried when no one seemed to acknowledge my existence. MLIG

I woke up this morning and realized im a dude with a vagina- MLIT

I think everyone submitting to that site should be ending it with "FML", not "MLIT". Pathetic, and disturbing. And I'd wager, that the majority of the entries are completely made up and not real at all.

Hey! Knock it off ok! I have had it up to here (waves hand) with people getting all over the TwiHards. Ok, they love me, and I love them. Seriously. Like, super serious. God! Sometime I just really want to express my teen angst through sexuallly repressed imagery and some vampirism, ok, and if that is what turns girls into psycho's so that later, in their 30's when they wind up marrying you and then cutting you in your sleep...so be it. Because I'm Edward. I get to do what I want!

Now hand over Zelda

I saw the update on my RSS feed, so I sucker punched the robot I that was keeping the Tyranoprincessrex prisoner in another castle right in the motherboard, popped a couple vodka pills, hijacked the Google-mobile (it was totally taking pictures of the fight) and checked out the new post. Except it was about Twilame. But that didn't even matter. MLIG.
Your life is SO Geekologie! (42) - You're one of the cool kids... (0)

@42 Jodie -
That doesn't sound sad to me. At least you have two moral compasses to help you along there. Now, if you were drunk while lullaby-ing them to sleep, then that would be an entirely different story.

Oh yeah, God I do hate Twilight. Perhaps me being not a teen anymore has something to do with it, but how the heck did this junk get so popular?

I swear, 20/30 years from now, these actors/actresses will come out and say "Thou it made me famous, but God I hate filming that stupid crap, and I just couldn't say that until now" Anyone else notice, that dude doesn't seem to like his own franchise? That Peterson guy.

Sometimes I wake up and my penis hurts... the world.

MLIG

@45 Hi.
You've been recognized...Now carry on.

"#562: Today I found out that some people don't like Twilight. WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO? MLIT"

This morning, as I was eating my favorite cereal and having a heated discourse with myself, I saw two fat hobbitses skipping along past my cave. I spat out my Lucky Charms as I realized that THEY HAD MY PRECIOUS!! MLIG.

Just one more reason to be utterly disapointed in humanity for popularizing such a lame and unimpressive story line such as "Twighlight"... I will watch Underworld 3 a million times before I watch another twighlight movie... And yes I was unforchunate enouph to have seen 20 minutes of the first one.

@ 45: I lol'd, related and felt ashamed of myself in quick succession.

Also: UNFORCHUNATE (@55).

Lol.

I only fall asleep when I'm ABSOLUTELY SURE there won't be any more geekologie posts for the day. MLIG.

for a few months i've been dating this guy named Edward and i made him wear sparkly glitter and i made him wear sheer clothing to make him icy to the touch. but then i started dating some muscular native american guy named Jacob behind his back. then i told them about the other and i had them fight shirtless for my amusement. too bad im asexual. MLIT

by Jrdn- My Reality - omg so Twilight! (-1) - twilight is gay! (3.14)

I cannot wait for this fad to be over....

Today, I had sex with a dog who I pretended was a werewolf. MLIT

Seriously, someone needs to raid that site,

(and I'm not even a /b/tard)

Today I ate a baby. MLIG.

Today a crazy hobo bit me. In my head it was Edward. He gave me the ancient vampiric curse; rabies. MLIG.

Today I read Bram Stokers Dracula and realised the massive amount of deep symbology attached to vampiric myth and burned my twilight collection and myself GOODBYE WORLD. MLI over.

OH NO, THE PAGES ARE RED! THAT'S SO COOL! WHAT HAVE I DONE!

Today, I was on my period and my boyfriend still went down
on me. I called him Edward during my climax..MLIT

Today my life was exactly like that scene in Never Back Down where Max...*sniff*...someone cooking bacon?...*gotta go* MLIG

Today, I booted up my computer to my favorite site and hit the refresh button every 25 seconds, just so I could type "FIRST!". MLIG.
Your life is so Geekologie! (23) - You're not geeky, just sayin'... (0)

Today, I was on my period and my boyfriend still went down on me. My name is Edward.

today I was looking at velociraptor bewbs and was all like 'pew pew'
MLIG
Your life is SO Geekologie! (4200) - You're one of the cool kids... (10)

Today I woke up feeling depressed because getting drunk has just become too much of a hassle. Then I opened Geekologie and found out I will soon be able to get Vodka in PILL form!!!

I Squealed!!!

MLIG!!!

Today I informed my roommate that I want to snort vodka powder. MLIG

Today I shat on my hand and threw it at my mom because she won't give me the money to go see new moon my life is sorrowful and I hate my parents because they won't give me what I want when it's like so important and I need to see this movie because the book had red on the outside and it's got something to do with blood and i'm told it's epic and stuff and really well ritten and itr's got stuff like shiny topless guys so i can imagine them glowing and me being saved in a forest or something because i'm so vulnerable wah wah wah MLIG.

@47 epic, epic fail from the MLIT.com world

I tried to be cool by pretending to be stuck in a weather balloon, dressing in a cape and holding my fav mmoRPG, getting really drunk/high and trying to buy MORE booze (failing), getting really mad about MW2 and punching a wall, and finally by pretending twilight was real and sharing it on a website...

and only got laughed at by a bunch of people on a blog. I tried. MLIG

This morning I woke up wondering why there was this vampire chick next to me. My head was pounding and I had fang marks all over my body. The inside of my mouth tasted like 100 year old vagina (dont ask how I know that). I had to work early, so this vamp had to go. The sun wasn't out so....had to do it the hard way. Staked her right there and then found out she was just a goth girl...my bad.........still doesn't explain the taste in my mouth..... MLIT.

Today I slathered peanut butter on my penis. I quivered at the werewolf like lapping of my dog’s greedy tongue. MLIT.

Today I was surfing for porn after I woke up around noon and made my first gin and tonic of the day. After I found a hentai video that starred a tentacle monster, a tyrannosaur, and a lego man my computer started making odd noises. It was just then I noticed that it had developed a mind of it's own, and armed only with my amazing Three Wolf Moon tee, I took it out by stuffing it inside the cooling vent, thus overheating it and melting it's crazed mechanical brain. Celebrated with a cake made of bacon shaped like a pokemon, and did wheelies on a bike that was so rad it was beyond the power of sick. Yeah, I went out and laid down like 453629675 skids. MLIG (too sick to even count) You're a loser (more than MLIG)

Today... I woke up from nightmares about the LHC.... then suddenly noticed I was wearing Star Trek Fundie Undies.....

MILG!!!!!!!

Today I stuck my hand into a tub of dry ice for 45 minutes, then proceeded to give my self an Edward Jerk-a-Thon. MILG!!!!!!!

Today, I gave up my education to marry and being impregnated by my stalker abusive boyfriend. OMG! MLIT!

Today I realized that in 10 years Necrophelia is going to increase to plague proportions, MLIT!

Read 82 comments about Twilight this morning, and laughed/snorted/chuckled a bunch of times. People started staring and asking me to keep it down. Just like they always do. They don't know the real me -- no one does. MLIG.

@76 Ba dum bum psht!

Went to tech today and learnt about chord progressions and progresive and classical rock. Someone made a really bad star trek joke, like "final front ear" or something. Mr. Kirk? MR. Kirk? THAT'S CAPTAIN TO YOU (and captian to me)! MLIG

today, a robot appeared at my door, it offered me a subscription to monthly pics of Peach and Zelda naked, I said yes and as it rolled back to its white van (no back windows), I took a bazooka, shot my house, didn't look at the explosion once! I then pulled out a pink ribbon...lets just say the robot is a bit of a....*pinky to lower lip* JAM!!!! AH HA HA HA! I still got my pics. MLIG

Last night I was stalking around the alleyways, like any other weeknight, when a scared girl with a stoned look on her face stumbled across my path. I bit her neck and sucked out all her blood because I am a creature of the night! MLIT!

- Egword

Damnit I wish this would get posted.

Also, Twilight is watered down emo-vampires for preschool bitches. I know you guys already know that, but it... COMPELS me to reiterate myself...

I can't decide if the world will end because of a robot uprising, zombie apocalypse, or the LHC gone rogue.
MLIG FTMFW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Geekologie, MLIT is NOT like FML. They are copying a superior website called My Life Is Average. Just wanted to clear that up.

@89
MLIA sucks :|

"17. I've been 17 for a while" 30 years perhaps?

Don't talk to strangers at the store kids.

@88 The Twilight obsession will trigger the end of the world.

Lol, just clear your cookies and you can vote more than once. Keep voting "Not so much Twilight"

WHAT A BUNCH OF LOSERS!

It's like the other day I was in the parkinglot and a truck was going to hit me, sudenly some guy with glitter all over his face push me out of the way and tried to stop the truck... he died MLIT

sooo the t-rex fell in love with the geekologie writer. ......MLIG.......!

Today I wrote story about a completely unlikeable (but who is loved and adored by everyone) girl named Mary Sue. My writers circle friends keep snickering and won't tell me what "author insertion" means. MLISM

FIRST!

today i was walking through the mall when i saw a picture of edward.... as i held back a tear and a grin without warning immediately i vomited out a spray almost unbelievable in proportion to my size.

as i looked down i saw that it had formed the silhouette of edward in the new moon movie poster, so i rolled in my own twilighty stomach puddle, making artistic snow angels in my man vomit.

all the while other people are spraying bowel chowder like a symphony of the sick and twilight obsessed.

it was soooo prime....

MLIT

twilight is stilllllll gaaaaaaay............gay i tell you

I went to the bathroom this morning and was not surprised to hear Pew! Pew!

MLIG

Today, I took my (steampunk) jet pack to work ...at the Star Wars Museum. MLIG

today i realized the impact of a weak storyline that appeals to adolescents and and those who still horde their goosebumps and babysitter's clubs, and now i wish i could die to spite them
shit, FMLIT

Today I stabbed a sparkley douche in the heart with a wooden stake, dismembered his body, burned it, then spread his ashes in separate parts of the globe. Then I unloaded a clip of silver bullets into the body of a queerwolf. Unfortunately they weren't actually the characters they pretended to be and were actually equally douchey actors. I'm now in prison. But they do serve bacon and it is 100% robot free. MLIG.

Today I spooged a bacon Tyrannosaurus and lasered a ninja robot on my way to work at the Vodka factory.

MLIG

Today my wife and I had sexual relations and I was so brutal that I ended up breaking our headboard, knocking her unconscious and bruising the crap out of her. I am SOOO Edward! MLIT

Today I fell in love with a newborn baby. I cant wait until she's old enough to bang. GO TEAM JACOB!!!! MLIT

Today I met this really sad chick named Bella who said the person she was in love with left her. I met him. We've been dating for hundreds of years. That bitch can suck it up, the way I suck his sparkle, vampirey goodness up.

Today I saw Morrissey call a Twilight fan a "pussy." I can't stop smiling.

Today, in a rage, I tried to shove a remote up my ass because my mom canceled my WoW account. MLIG

http://www.newpaulsmith.com/paul-smith-shoes-c-518.html

Yesterday, apparently, I walked into my local 7-11 to get more beer. Then, out of nowhere, an evil wizard proceeded to zap me till I couldn't even stand. Need backup! MLIG.. and beer.

@98

LOL

That site is practically a duplicate of MyLifeIsAverage.com... Well, you know, a BILLION times more stupid.

These people should all kill themselves.

@107 lol

Twilight= cliched up dumbed down remake of Near Dark
the achievement was not creating Twilight but managing to convince creators of Near Dark not to sue and keeping it out of the media for the most part

Twilight--another movie about vampire/human couple....cept the guy was human and i guess that doesn't get the teen girls' attention

same idea, similiar plots and almost the same movie titles.....
now that copyright laws are so lax, i can finally make "exterminator" - my film about cyborgs travelling back in time to save the leaders of a future resistance...
its totally different than terminator-
no robots---but cyborgs.
also its not about saving a leader but a group of leaders---cuz in my story the human resistance faction is lead by an oligarchy.
the soundtrack will also feature guns n roses tracks other than "you could be mine"....so its going to be a TOTALLY DIFFERENT and new movie just like Twilight.
i am also getting the guy who played edward to star as the "Exterminator" not only because starring in water down copies of older films is his thing, but because having him play the cyborg will make it a totally original and different movie from the terminator
the same way twilight is a totally different movie from Near Dark

@114 you're #114, which means no one's reading your stuff, just like no one will read this.

@115. I read both posts. I'm hardcore like that.

I didn't know it was possibe to hate somone more than i hate facebookers...

Today I went to the zoo and when I walked passed the Chimpanzee enclosure one chimp said to the other
"FAKE!!!!

This is a complete photoshop job. You can tell its a fake because the shadow's are all wrong.

This is exactly like that scene in the movie Never Back Down where Max was disposing of a dead body in a wood chipper, and when the cops came he ran across the lake and got shot in the back."
MLIG!

@115 Called me out but good!

Today I had five male supermodels massage me in precious oils as I sipped champagne cocktails next to my million-dollar pool and watch royalties pile up in my accounts.

Stephenie Meyer - MLIT

holy shit... this is the possibly the gayest and stupidest thing i have ever seen. find a life to enjoy, girls... or a cock. i've got one of each, unlike edward.

I hate twilight. Twilight is for girls who cannot accept the fact that their lives will never be romantic or even as cool as GW's.

MLIG

Ya know how most people type rofl, but never literally roll on the floor laghing? I just did.

Haha, 12 year olds shouldn't be allowed on the internet. Fuck twilight. Worst books ever.

Today I took nude pictures of myself in the shower with a guitar. MLIXKC...I mean... uh...

I wonder if they will post my story...
"Today I saw my friend eat a bottle of glitter, the she shat it out and called it twilight"
MILG