Nov 23 2009Where Should I Eat?: A Fast Food Flowchart


This is a fast food flowchart you can use to determine where to eat if you can't make up your mind and/or don't care about eating healthy. Larger version HERE. And speaking of larger versions -- there's gonna be one of you if you follow this flowchart everyday! Also, soda has lots of calories in it because of the sugar. Now urine -- urine is like the Coke Zero of bodily fluids. Plus, no expiration date.

Flowchart Helps You Determine What Crap to Eat

Thanks to Closet Nerd, who made a urine recycler after watching Kevin Costner drink his own pee in Waterworld (great movie).

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Reader Comments

Que no quiero tacos?

I like that when you're in Canada, you don't have any choice from the start: Tim Horton's or nothing. It's true: they are everywhere.

Who needs a chart when you have taco bell? It's a no brainer..... just sayin

Que si. Tacos los muchas decision.

That's no good! We don't have most of those in the UK.

@Bruno LMAO so true, eh? Mmmm soup and sandwich deals...

@5 uhh... there's a reason for that ya know. None of those chains wants to deal with opening a UK branch because you guys can't make food taste good.... just sayin

lol Timmy's ftw

why is McDonalds on there twice?
Thank you America's public school system.

@ 9 - did I miss something? Or has the American school system taught you to start counting at 2?

@9 umm i hate to say it but you should learn to count a little better >.>

@9 basic math & 'hey, I'm not an idiot' FAIL

There's no white castles in Texas : (
i've been wanting to try it for awhile and i'm usually high when i get fast food
but alas, fast food almost always equals dissapointment anyway i guess
not to mention self-loathing

just sayin

okay Timmys is awesome but its not THAT awesome.
We have McDonalds, Wendys, Burger King, Arbys, Kentucky Fried Chicken, Dominos, DQ, Subway, Taco bell.
Tim Hortons is just a doughnut and coffee place, so why does it count as Canada's only junk food source?

Of the 17 restaurants that aren't Tim Horton's, we have 11 of them within 10 minutes of me here in Canada. Tim Horton's is where you get coffee. You don't usually go there when you're drunk and/or high looking for a fast food fix.

Thats a retarded chart.
Every item should be In N Out.

Que literal Canadians con no sense de humor.

Ohhhh that's eff'd up... there's no popeys chicken, no church's chicken or any place where I can get fried chicken and liquor and how do you not have Guthries (zaxby's) on this list... FAIL!!!! very very true.

@7...that is so not true.! Damn that didn't go well.

No matter which way I go on this thing, I always seem to wind up at white castle......just sayin

The best (cheapest) place to eat out is the happy dumpster of course. And I guess they have em in and about Canada even, got that, eh? And then you can always take a nap, without leaving your "table".

@21 You lucky bastard!!!! That looks DELICIOUS!!!!
I've been dry since Thursday!!!! Damn, what a loooooong weekend.
If you ever come to Philly, let me know... we'll burn something..... just sayin

@16 In N Out are only on the West Coast. We don't have them over here on the East Coast. I so regret not stopping at an In N Out while I was in L.A.

@13 They do sell White Castle Burgers in some supermarkets (in the frozen food sections). So pick up some White Castle Burgers, pop in Harold & Kumar, and enjoy!!! (You'll eat at least 4 of their burgers... they're kinda small)

..... just sayin

White Castle always seems so delicious, but have never tried it since there isnt one here in texas.

Taco Bell is the best though, beats everything else on the list.

Alternately, you can just to to Wendy's from the get go. Many are open till 1:30. JBC(x2) FTW!

@21 I was checking out your other photos... Cuervo, Patron, Don Julio... makin my mouth water!!! How is that Patron with coffee flavoring? I just saw that in the liquor store yesterday.

Nice hookah too. I have two myself (both from Egypt).
One of them (Fi-fi Abdu, named after a famous Egyptian belly dancer) is actually on a rotating base for when you pass the hose around...... just sayin

@24 Check your supermarket's frozen food section. (See comment 23)

@21 Check out the second part of my comment for a cool Christmas gift idea.

@Closet Nerd alas if you ever come to chicago I can easily take care of your hunger.

The coffee parton... Hrm think of it this way, it's going to be a good day no matter what. Yes it's worth it & it tastes good too. I recommend drinking in the morning in place of coffee, that's usually when I'm drinking (It)

great guide if you are in america and are mentally retarded and hungry

@29 Sounds good. I start my days off with wake-n-bake..... just sayin

That reminds me... what do you call an epileptic stoner? shake-n-bake

They should have a are you obese-> hardy's/carls jr. that or are you dirt poor-> wienerschnitzel but then again if your eating at any of these places you probably are obese and if you eat at wienerschnitzel you will die

I also don't get the whole Wendy's Sunday thing. Wendy's around here doesn't do anything special on Sundays... does Wendy do backdoor service herself? cause Ronald McDonald already does that 7 days of the week at my McD's... or at least he looks like Ronald

@33 Probably because Chik-fil-A is closed on Sundays.

LOL! Love it! Very funny and surprisingly true!

sooo people on the west cost only eat before 10 30 am? or are there no people on the west coast?

@ 21
daaaaaaaam, i'm bummin even more now, haven't lit up in a week
my car's been dying, so i've been havin to spread my dwindling supply over the past 3 weeks : ((( i dunno if i'll survive the family over the holidays
@ 23
yea, those were ok i'd just like to try the real deal

how do the frozen white castles compare to fresh for those that've had both?

Guah, i hate tim hortons. but the chart says i have to go there. FUDGE

Where's Carl's Jr.?

I used to live in California, and got InN'Out all the time, but for some reason theres an utter lack of them in Washington... I guess that narrows my choices to just jack in the box or McDonalds then... -.-

ya timmys sucks for food

der Weinerschnitzel? Togo's? Subway? one word: pastrami

Needs more In-N-Out.

@40 That's because they are only in Arizona, Nevada, California, and one in SLC, Utah.


We have Krystals. A tiny sh*t grease burger is a tiny sh*t grease burger. I actually think the mini-sirloin burgers from Jack in the Box are good.

@36 No. It doesn't ask if you are from the west coast till AFTER it asks what time it is. So if it is before 10:30 am, they can still answer 'yes' and wind up at Dunkin Donuts, or McDondalds.

El Pollo Loco > Taco Bell.

Also, my friend tells me that In-N-Out and Jack in the Box should be switched. I've only lived here for about a year, so I'll take his word for it.

Scratch that last comment. He misread "PM" as "AM." XD

LOL. Tim's is so, so very true.

I am a very sad Canadian (who would rather remove her tongue with a spoon then eat at Tims.)

white castle ftw. I saw "are you high" and knew it would be leading to white castle.

This is awesome... I want to see one 100 times as big!

In-n-out's open till like 1AM, jack in the box drivethru is 24/7, both good options but there should be a Costco option up there, far superior to anything listed

I followed all of the answers and got to the result of KFC. Funny thing is I was just finishing off my KFC Snackers!

No Whataburger shout out? Pfft false fast food chart is false.

besides that the only two on that list (save for TH's and In N' Out cus we don't have those down here) are Chick-fil-a and Wendy's... but they are far behind Whataburger.


Thank goodness we don't have most of that fat laden, sugar dripping crap you Americans call food in the UK. I hope Americans start eating real food now that some of the best chefs in the world are coming over from the UK to the US to educate your up and coming young chefs, 'cos I don't think I could eat another steak that's been grilled grey and tasteless. Real steaks should be nice and red in the middle and slightly brown on the outside...damn it's making me hungry.

When Americans start opening their narrow minds up and view the world outside of the stereotypes and propaganda that is fed to them with a side of XL fries, the rest of the world might start thinking your opinions are valid.


Canada is only missing 6 of those restaurants, so for anyone to say that only Tim Hortons is available, are all complete morons and need to get out of the house more.

@55 You've obviously never left the UK, obviously never had a delicious American steak before & are apparently the narrow minded uneducated idiot you're accusing americans of being. 'Grilled grey & tasteless'? Are you serious?

I couldn't even imagine a steak that way unless I were eating over there again. I've been there 4 times in the past several years, stayed more than a few days & have had plenty of different meals at different places. THE MAJORITY OF THE FOOD THERE WAS BLAND AND TASTELESS!! You guys can't even make spaghetti taste good. The sauce was orange, like cream was added to it or something. It was like bland 'spaghetti-o' sauce & someone didn't close the lid. I love spaghetti, but not over there

YOU HAVE GOOD PUBS, I'll give you that. But please, keep your blokey, cheeky, fucked-up teethy chefs over there

We're americans, we're fat & it's because we know how to make good fucking food

i live in Canada and when i saw this, i laughed so much!
...guess i dont have much choise for food eh?
(get it? hahahahha!!!

@5 fuck you UK

@21 i think i love you im 13 and i been lighting up for 2 years

Yeah, Jeezy but of the actual 100 restaurants within that 10 drive from your canadian home 89 of them ARE tim hortons (hor-tons)

@59 Ooo, you're rude!

They don't have any White Castles in Massachusetts. Well, I'm usually drunk off of malt liquor anyways. Dominos every night mo-fuckas!

Damn my names jared so i guess im going to subway

Fuck You I love burger king and i'm 19 >:(

If you are having trouble pick the right place, you should think about your cholesterol levels and living healthier. Check out this site on fast food cholesterol charts and eat to live longer.

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