Nov 12 2009Pfft, I Knew That: Staring At Breasts Is Good For Your Health, Prolongs A Man's Life
This is probably entirely fake and a giant hoax but I don't care because, well, breasts. Also -- don't question my journalistic integrity or I will swell your eyes shut so bad you'd be lucky to squint a nipple.
According to German research published in New England Journal of Medicine, men staring at women's breasts in fact prolong their lives with years.
"Just 10 minutes of looking at the charms of a well-endowed females is equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics work-out," said author Dr. Karen Weatherby, a gerontologist.The team led by Weatherby was made up of researchers at three hospitals in Frankfurt, Germany, and found this results after monitoring for 5 years the health of 200 male subjects, half of whom were asked to look at busty females daily, while the other half had to abstain from doing so.
For five years, the breasts oglers presented a lower blood pressure, slower resting pulse rates and decreased risk of coronary artery disease.
I'm gonna be immortal! Kidding, I don't stare at breasts because I'm a gentleman and wear a top hat. But for the rest of you, go for it. You can start HERE (slightly NSFW, giant tank-topped boobs). I know, it's like a fountain valley of youth, right?
UPDATE: FAKE. But don't let that stop you from trying. Maybe you're the exception.
Looking at Breasts is Healthy [wholefitness]
Thanks to T. Brian, who is probably the healthiest man alive.
Reader Comments
1. Greenman - November 12, 2009 10:28 AM
It's only equal to a 30 minute workout if I get to come on them.
2. livingjetlag - November 12, 2009 10:29 AM
I think we've finally found the answer for why women have always had a longer life expectancy than men. Every time they check a mirror, or tie their shoes, or whatever, they get a peek and lengthen their lives.
I've got to stop hiding my porn, and post it on the walls instead.
3. Timbo - November 12, 2009 10:30 AM
I'm think that's bullcrap...but whatever
4. MYTH BUSTED - November 12, 2009 10:33 AM
This was on mythbusters, and it was totally busted. It was on an episode like 3 years ago. They compared a guy staring at nude boobs to a guy working out and which one was getting healthier over a period of time and the guy working out was healthier. sooo.... faker than that shot in Never Back Down where you see side boob on that one dude's girlfriend! Totally shoop'd.
5. Rayman - November 12, 2009 10:34 AM
I knew that, but what about looking at flap jacks & shriveled up raisins? Would that take years off your life span?
6. LSDiesel - November 12, 2009 10:40 AM
@5, Probably. Also pinecones in a kitten's anus.
7. Dan - November 12, 2009 10:44 AM
Grabbing a boob in your hand is like a small cushy animal. I like a boob.
8. Duuuuuuuuhhhhhhh - November 12, 2009 10:47 AM
Talk about obvious! Tell someone they have to do something they already want to do and they will be happier and healthier. Tell someone they have to abstain and 5 minutes later you will find them doing whatever it is they aren't supposed to while being nervous about getting caught. This is prolly why married men on average live longer, they get to openly ogle their wives boobs...well, some do anyhow.
9. BurningET - November 12, 2009 10:47 AM
LMFAO! time for me to go get slapped with a restraining order.
10. STOMPY (wants your mario kart freind code now) - November 12, 2009 10:48 AM
REAL!!
You can tell this real because the shadows underneatht eh left nipple's areola look convincing.
This is just like that scene in my life five seconds ago when I was thinking about what it would be like to stare at some co-workers sweater puppies...
11. cabbo - November 12, 2009 10:49 AM
@4 that's not a brilliant experiment on the face of it. While this compares two sets of 100, the mythbusters thing compares two sets of 1. We need more info.
12. Tom - November 12, 2009 10:50 AM
They proved this false ages ago on Brainiac.
13. SadAgonist - November 12, 2009 10:51 AM
I'm as disappointed as you.
http://www.snopes.com/humor/iftrue/breasts.asp
I even pubmed'd 'Weatherby K NEJM', no dice.
14. Closet Nerd - November 12, 2009 10:52 AM
I know one place on your body that has RAISED blood pressure when you are staring at breasts!
I seen this story before and told my wife about it, but she refuses to believe me. I'll use any excuse I can to stare at boobies. I've heard that staring at vaginas for 10 minutes a day helps ward off leprechauns too.
15. Closet Nerd - November 12, 2009 10:54 AM
@13 WTF!? So help me Jebus! If my wife sees that Snopes article you are gonna get it!!!!
16. Jiakasuma - November 12, 2009 10:55 AM
LOL WTF!
17. Kyster - November 12, 2009 10:59 AM
Prolongs life?
Then i'm gettin' old!
18. Gabe - November 12, 2009 11:13 AM
Not in the New England Journal of Medicine
It is in Weekly World News
Tabloid<<<<Medical Journal
19. JADE - November 12, 2009 11:24 AM
Gee why am I not surprised, men are freakin pigs.
20. ಠ_ಠ - November 12, 2009 11:33 AM
i stoped believing as soon as i saw "According to German research"
21. Andyman - November 12, 2009 11:38 AM
It's not the staring but rather the whacking off that gives you the health benefits. But I usually only last about 30 seconds.
22. Closet Nerd - November 12, 2009 11:48 AM
@21 Practice safe health
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/3072021.stm
23. JeiCass - November 12, 2009 11:58 AM
Thanks GW! I know what I'm getting for my grandpa's birthday now!!
24. Daedalus - November 12, 2009 12:11 PM
This article is older than LOLCATS.
25. tondar - November 12, 2009 12:41 PM
take a trip to:
http://www.tittaycitay.com
26. DH - November 12, 2009 12:48 PM
lmao GW can't believe you actually hosted that giant gadongas pic XD
27. suomynonA - November 12, 2009 12:50 PM
Grabbing them is so soft. And they taste good too.
*Lick Lick*
28. john the carpenter - November 12, 2009 1:14 PM
@4, they also did they experiment on the show Brainiac(god i miss that show). it was much more entertaining than mythbusters imo.
29. maymay - November 12, 2009 1:46 PM
Ive never understood why men are so fascinated with breasts... theyre not that great.... they get in the way most of the time.
basically just hunks of fat ..its practically the same thing as a woman having a beer belly ..soft and flubbery
no difference
its probably cuz u kids dont have them ... its all psychological
next time you want breasts just grab your own buttocks ... its the exact same thing
30. Dishy Dishyington - November 12, 2009 1:47 PM
I want to believe.
31. therestofmankind - November 12, 2009 2:36 PM
@29.
Next time you want penis use use your finger.
32. Closet Nerd - November 12, 2009 3:33 PM
@29 Did you eat a lot of paint chips as a kid?
33. College student - November 12, 2009 5:41 PM
What the bullshit!?
34. squirtybear - November 12, 2009 6:28 PM
I'm into bears so I hope to get the same effect from man boobs.
35. PaNTsMaN - November 12, 2009 7:23 PM
There might be some truth in this, humans have a very profound set of reactions, emotional and physical, when we observe each other.
For instance, women regularly age prematurely when I expose my junk to them in the street..........
36. pro - November 13, 2009 5:27 AM
I thinh I've always suspected. Well at least I wont have to do some exercise!
37. Jaded Icon - November 13, 2009 7:15 AM
@ 19
Soooo.....you sleep with pigs? Which one is a little crazy, 1. Being a pig or 2. Sleeping with pigs.
38. livingjetlag - November 13, 2009 8:32 AM
@18 - Gabe, the only difference between the WWN and NEJM is that one of them takes a crapload of money from the pharmaceutical companies, and the other does not. Which is the more reliable source, again? Believe me, if breasts (and not just gross implants) could be patented by Pfizer, the article would have been in NEJM, too. Of course, they still wouldn't tell us about Bat Boy and other important news...