Nov 19 2009Laser Crosswalks: Because Pews = Safety
Laser Crosswalks are the crosswalks of the future. You can tell because it has 'laser' in the name. Pretty much anything with 'laser' in it is gonna be a huge hit in the future (including cereal). Don't believe me? Just stare at this laser eye-toy for a minute. Aaaaand now you're blind.
The Virtual Wall is designed as a replacement for traffic lights and if made would use "plasma laser beams" to project silhouettes of moving people into the path of oncoming traffic.
Supposedly this would calm traffic and make drivers more careful around the soft humans as they cross the street. I'd say it would be more likely that the appearance of giant red figures before the windshield would cause panic, crashing and general mayhem.
Hell yes, giant red laser-people. *pew pew* means walk! Plus, if you try driving through it the lasers should cut you up into little pieces. Don't act like we don't have that technology! We have that technology.
Laser Wall Replaces Traffic Light [wired]
Thanks to Fnahra tha evur livin, who loves lasers almost as much as I do but not quite because I have laser-vision. Yeah, so there, Fnahra.
Reader Comments
1. wow - November 19, 2009 11:42 AM
1st
2. Closet Nerd - November 19, 2009 11:43 AM
"...make drivers more careful around the soft humans..."
Well, what about the peopel that walk around when they're hard?
..... just sayin
3. Closet Nerd - November 19, 2009 11:46 AM
"...the appearance of giant red figures ..." and "...try driving through it the lasers should cut you up into little pieces..."
Sounds like a scene out of "Resident Evil"... just noticing sayin
4. lenitive attach to debonaire - November 19, 2009 11:47 AM
wormy jocularity energy, penetrable die down grout/
claret barbecue bream,
turn off the borrow roulade.
5. naas - November 19, 2009 11:54 AM
They better start installing a lot of fog machines if we want to see these lasers in operation (los angeles excluded, smog)
Also, projecting silhouettes of humans walking with the laser seems completely sufficient when projecting the words FUCKING STOP doesn't seem clear enough..... just sayin
6. Chuey The Rock N Roll Midget - November 19, 2009 11:56 AM
Wheres my glow sticks when I need them. It'd be like a huge gay rave!?!....Just telling you Nigga!
7. skeletor - November 19, 2009 12:14 PM
@6 umsicka umsicka umsuck bowm bowm "some body screeeaam!"
8. Blastphemer - November 19, 2009 12:20 PM
Last time I saw one of these in action it caused a young padawan to helplessly watch as his master was slain right before his very eyes.
So....yeah, good idea! I'm all for it! Long live the dark side....I hear they have cookies. just sayin...
9. Ham Bone - November 19, 2009 12:34 PM
exactly what we need to waste more energy bc people can just pay attention.... lets just have neon signs everywhere that say PAY ATTENTION DUMBA$$ !!!
10. Jazzman - November 19, 2009 12:40 PM
How bout they roll my penis across the road to stop traffic, cars and trucks would never be able to roll over it!!!
@ 7 skeletor - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UmiiW936jqw (7 secs in) get it right next time :-)
Good try son, but you're pobabaly one of these guys doing the electric slide: http://www.geekologie.com/2009/11/this_wasnt_in_the_job_descript.php
or even worse... you're "Wanna Be Ninja Boy": http://www.geekologie.com/2009/06/ninja_boy_could_use_a_few_more.php
11. Jazzman - November 19, 2009 12:45 PM
GW webmaster... you suck... i typed a wicked response that totally chewed out 7. skeletor for no reason, and i posted it and i get an error about using bad words... FAIL!!! So now i'm ranting as opposed to retyping what i said... just cause i can type..
12. LSDiesel - November 19, 2009 12:47 PM
@8, I know right?
I think when these get put into production, I'll drive though it to see if it gives me superpowers! Look at me! I am HOSPITAL BOY!!!!
13. Jazzman - November 19, 2009 12:47 PM
Why dont the roll my penis across the street to stop traffic, cars and trucks would never be able to cross it!!! Kinda reminds me of that time I killed a bear cause i got a hard on!!!
14. Pat - November 19, 2009 12:59 PM
Now, it'd be cooler if the lazers sliced the car into pieces if it dared enter the crosswalk.
15. naas - November 19, 2009 1:09 PM
@14 I was thinking about that before & looking for a picture of carl's laser fence from one of the auqa teens as a visual example of the idea. No luck finding one thoiugh.... just sayin
16. Chuey The Rock N Roll Midget - November 19, 2009 1:10 PM
If you drive through it...do you get like a power up?? Like in Mario Kart?
17. LSDiesel - November 19, 2009 1:26 PM
@16, If radiation poisoning is a power-up, than yes. You do. You glow girl!
18. naas - November 19, 2009 1:29 PM
@12 hospital boy is the shit, kicked the crap outta sickboy
@13 think about how many pigeons that would bring
@16 I always thought speeding up over the >>>>'s on turn ramps was powering up. Driving through this thing will derez you, like sarks' ship in tron http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/tron/images/thumb/b/bf/Sarks_carrier.jpg/250px-Sarks_carrier.jpg ....just sayin
19. Jaded Icon - November 19, 2009 3:01 PM
In other news theft of plasma laser stop signs increased a 100% today. College kids rejoice....
20. TheRefRaf - November 19, 2009 4:23 PM
So if you walk through it with a mirror ball suit? Or roll a disco ball through it? Armageddon? :o)
21. Jason - November 19, 2009 11:20 PM
Best Post Title EVER!
22. Thalious - November 20, 2009 12:40 AM
There was a decent implamentation of this in the game Megaman: Battle Network.
Essetually the same thing with out the dumb silhouette thing but big, red obvious "laser" bars that merely disabled whatever kinda thing was running the cars.
You already know with something like that, some drunk dumb ass would still try to plow through it only to be stopped mid space and smack the now completely oblivious pedestrian through the laser that (my Steve Irwin:) "Instant-TAINIOUSLY" stops the persons heart despite whatever damage the car did...........what? just sayin.........
23. bob - November 20, 2009 1:26 AM
Squishy humans are far inferior to the hard, cold, & pulsating mechanical appendages I play with.
24. madameroz - November 20, 2009 9:20 AM
how about people just stop for pedestrians. remember when that was a common factor in human life. well, i suppose we've strayed beyond human contact, FRY FAT BOY, FRY!!!!
25. paul smith - November 20, 2009 11:19 AM
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26. paul smith - November 20, 2009 11:23 AM
http://www.newpaulsmith.com/paul-smith-shoes-c-518.html