Oct 15 2009Wait, Whaaaaat?: Large Hardron Collider Trying To Destroy Itself From The Future
According to a couple nutjobs that I'm actually starting to believe, the Large Hadron Collider is actually destroying itself FROM THE FUTURE to prevent the discovery of the Higgs boson particle. Whoa.
According to the Times, two physicists posit that the reason that the Large Hadron Collider (and, previously, its unbuilt American counterpart) keeps running into problems isn't bad luck or shoddy workmanship. It's that the LHC's quest to discover the Higgs boson--a heretofore only theorized particle that scientists believe is what gives objects mass--is creating problems to keep itself from being discovered:
"A pair of otherwise distinguished physicists have suggested that the hypothesized Higgs boson, which physicists hope to produce with the collider, might be so abhorrent to nature that its creation would ripple backward through time and stop the collider before it could make one, like a time traveler who goes back in time to kill his grandfather."
I didn't even think about that. But now that I do, it makes perfect sense. And by perfect sense I mean none at all. Unlessssss the LHC is actually a giant T-1000! Then we're back to making perfect sense. I think. I dunno man, I smoked weed for breakfast.
Destroyed by Malicious Forces from the Future? [good.is]
Thanks to ffffffffffffff, Patrick, Elizabeth and burntout, who have secretly been sabotaging the LHC for the sake of humanity. Don't worry guys, your secret's safe with me.
Reader Comments
1. pewter - October 15, 2009 10:35 AM
one time i jerked it so hard that the doctor called it "self destructive" are we talking about the same thing here? because that shit stung
2. mike - October 15, 2009 10:36 AM
Im gong back in time and doing it with my great grandmother that way I know ill be hear for the future.
3. noodle - October 15, 2009 10:36 AM
i went back in time and kept myself from being first.
4. Closet Nerd - October 15, 2009 10:39 AM
GW enjoying the breakfast of champions!!!
5. Blastphemer - October 15, 2009 10:42 AM
So it's my future self that's responsible for the crap that's going on in my life these days???!!! THAT BASTARD!!! I suck...I mean, not NOW, but at some point in the future.
Anyone got an aspirin? My brain just sprung a leak (probably another dastardly successful plot from future me).
6. jimu - October 15, 2009 10:43 AM
Hardron? (check title)
7. Andyman - October 15, 2009 10:46 AM
My future self was always mucking about in my present business so I killed him. Apparently I have no future.
8. m3ck - October 15, 2009 10:56 AM
that made perfect sense.same thing for breakfast. who and a what now?
9. Thumperchica - October 15, 2009 10:58 AM
This sadly makes perfect sense. No TCH involved. If this particle isn't meant to be discovered, it won't be...
10. Hawk - October 15, 2009 11:13 AM
It's "Hadron" collider, not Hard On collider!
http://myspace.roflposters.com/images/rofl/myspace/1212811803369.jpg.%5Broflposters.com%5D.myspace.jpg
11. Calabasa209 - October 15, 2009 11:14 AM
Thats what i had for breakfast too!! best hangover cure ever
12. TFB - October 15, 2009 11:28 AM
@1 - You bastard, now i can't stop laughing.
13. naas - October 15, 2009 11:33 AM
I stuck my head in this machine once, between two very powerful electromagnets..... it was exhilarating
14. meowmo - October 15, 2009 11:39 AM
they argued that this would be akin to going back in time and saving your father from being hit by a bus.
15. Closet Nerd - October 15, 2009 11:42 AM
I use a "Large Hardron Collider" too.... its called a vagina!!!!
What else are you suppoed to collide your hard-on into?
16. Josué - October 15, 2009 11:46 AM
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/peepls/11/robby
And the Robots dance for Joy.
17. Jesus - October 15, 2009 12:01 PM
Higgs boson my ass. That's my dad playing pranks.
18. Jaded Icon - October 15, 2009 12:55 PM
That will be my excuse for things as well. "Honey! Why isn't the dishwasher fixed?" - Well dear, its because its physically stopping me from fixing it by being hard to fix.
19. Uncle Eccoli - October 15, 2009 1:59 PM
This is physicists being funny.
20. lilly - October 15, 2009 2:08 PM
*pictures this hypothesis resulting from a physicists sit down passing the star trek bong*
21. Geekolojew - October 15, 2009 2:56 PM
Must See!!!
http://alturl.com/obg7
________________
22. mud - October 15, 2009 6:14 PM
so, doesn't this bullshit theory imply that the higgs boson is somehow intelligent and aware of the quest to discover it? its just a particle. gw isn't the only one toking up at the beginning of the day. who says physicists don't have a sense of humor?
23. fred - October 15, 2009 6:16 PM
@6 - gw calls his little man ron, and i DO mean little.
24. slotzan - October 15, 2009 6:25 PM
This concept is very plausible. Similar results have been confirmed using light and whether or not it displays an interference pattern depending on observation.
25. Gir - October 15, 2009 9:37 PM
Hmmm... if it wasn't created in the first place, how can it stop itself from being created?
26. Droocy - October 15, 2009 11:45 PM
No. Time is a man-made illusion. Time doesn't exist, how can one travel through something that doesn't exist? It has no mass, no medium. Time was created to help us organize our schedules/keep us in an biologically orderly fashion (sleeping, waking up, etc.) and overall, make life easier in everyday situations. There is no travelling. Time travel is nonsense.
27. martass - October 16, 2009 3:16 AM
what about al-Qaida @ CERN?
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/8299668.stm
28. BILL4 - October 16, 2009 7:02 PM
The picture looks like a slide from a robot health class showing how ipods are made. Well by the looks of it that poor guy probably makes nanos!
29. GUERIN - October 23, 2009 10:24 AM
ALL THIS TALK OF THC's MADE ME HUNGRY
30. Motorhead Kaze - October 28, 2009 2:29 AM
Yes, but did it send the robot cheetahs to destroy itself?
(BTW, your blog kicks ass.)
31. notepad publishing - October 31, 2009 11:13 PM
The Art Of Silence
www.notepad.Ach
A few days ago I read that the LHC reaches operational temps, collisions start in 5 weeks.
5 weeks to go. Again.
On September 10 2008 the LHC had been officially started the previous time. Just 8 days later, September 19 2008 an accident crippled the LHC and the Hadron Collider was forced to halt and to be turned off for two months following damage.
End of September 2008 I was told that the LHC will be Offline Until Spring of 2009 and that the Doomsday lawsuit against Big Bang machine had been dismissed by a judge.
In October 2008 I have been informed that the LHC broke down because of bad soldering on a single connection. In February 2009, the Doomsday case is back in court.
October 12 2009 I learn that a Cern physicist is suspected of Al-Qaida links and has been charged and the next day I wonder: Did God stop CERN from discovering the God particle? and if the sought-after product of the collider is so destructive to nature that it travels backwards through time to stop the collider?
October 20 I read that collisions start in 5 weeks and November 1 that 'One year after £30m meltdown, God Machine is ready to run again'.
The same machine that made the media post articles like 'Is the world about to go out with a bang?' creates so little media interest today, less than 5 weeks before it will be launched - again.
Apparently for most of the worlds journalist the safety of the LHC has been indirectly proven because the Big Bang, the Black Hole, the bosenova, the wormhole, the time machine has not happened on September 10 2008. (Even if nobody ever told them that this might happen)
That is what I call serious investigative journalism.
I appreciate silence a lot in a church, on a mountain top, during night in bed.
But do I appreciate the global media silence about this huge machine that had a serious accident after just 8 days of operation? An accident that took over a year to fix?
No. I don't. And you?
Read the complete article @
www.notepad.ch
32. DH - November 7, 2009 12:33 AM
novel-length comment machine GO
33. Nicodemus Elijah Boyer - November 9, 2009 8:02 PM
Thanks to notepad publishing for the information on earlier breakdowns and delays for the LHC. The recent incident of a bird dropping a baguette to cause a temporary overheating may have had another source than reported, since the bird would have been too hungry to sacrifice the tasty sandwich. The talk about the Higgs boson as "God's particle" is a fantasy, since its expected energy is only a little more than 1 TeV (tera electron volt, equal to 10 exp. 12 electron volts). The other particle (higgsino) predicted by the Higgs fields, with the energy of about 10 exp. 13 TeV (i.e., ten trillion TeV) for the unification of three basic forces of nature cannot be produced by the LHC, since the available energy goes just up to 7 TeV. Thus, unless an unexpected shower of Higgs bosons or a "pocket universe" is formed, Nostradamus' prophecy (verse IX-44) about a disaster at Geneva while trying there to produce a transmutation of elements (gold to iron) will not come true at this time. But there is no guarantee...
34. TGamba - November 10, 2009 7:35 PM
My future self pawns me!!! I mean this f-tard knows what I will do before I even do it... But he wont go back and fix me calling my manager a huge C)*K and losing my job -huh thanks me! thanks a frickin lot!