Oct 21 2009NASA Testing First New Rocket In 30 Years
NASA, an organization that has actually convinced itself they put men on the moon despite it being all staged in Hollywood, is now testing a new rocket. The phallic booster is the first new design to come out of agency since 1981. Which, incidentally, is the year I was born. What does all this mean? I'm 28!
The rocket is Ares I-X -- a suborbital prototype for the Ares I rocket NASA plans to use to launch its shuttle successor, the Orion spacecraft. Currently the world's tallest booster, the Ares I-X rolled out to the launch pad early Tuesday and is slated to blast off Oct. 27 at 8 a.m. EDT (1200 GMT) on a short demonstration flight.
"The Ares I-X is going to fly straight up and straight out," said NASA commentator George Diller as the 327-foot (100-meter) tall rocket began moving toward Launch Pad 39B at the Kennedy Space Center in Florida. "During that time we'll be testing the stage separation to determine how well the first stage separation motors perform, as well as the performance of the booster itself, namely the parachutes and other apparatus that will deploy."The $445 million rocket's rollout comes on the eve of a final report from an independent committee appointed by the White House to review NASA's plans for future human spaceflight.
You want me to tell you about the future of human spaceflight? Cause it goes like this: The Geekologie Writer builds a rocketship in the shed behind his house and blasts himself into the sun. Everyone is so sad rockets are banned for ever. Then everybody dies because you couldn't colonize Mars. The end.
NASA Unveils Ares 1-X Rocket for Historic Test Flight [foxnews]
Thanks to joseph, who tied his little brother to a bunch of fireworks and was just about to light the fuse when his mom caught him and yelled at him for having matches.
Reader Comments
1. Timbo - October 21, 2009 11:35 AM
I'm gonna build my own rocket...powered by 4" dinosaurs...
2. Jaded Icon - October 21, 2009 11:40 AM
So again, what is the point of this rocket? At least the last one had the intended purpose of blowing up the moon.....this ones got nothing.
3. Pat - October 21, 2009 11:44 AM
That commentary on the bottom sounds suspiciously like the film "The Astronaut Farmer."
4. Closet Nerd - October 21, 2009 11:48 AM
I think it is more fun to make my 'pocket rocket' blast off.
5. Closet Terd - October 21, 2009 11:52 AM
Closet Nerd... You'd need some skill to do that ! hahaha. I can lend you Sarah Pallin if you want. :P
Bammmmmmmmmmmmmmm !!!! ...
and 28 is the new 16. PRANK IT UP !
6. LSDiesel - October 21, 2009 11:55 AM
@4, and it lands in Uranus. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
7. naas - October 21, 2009 11:59 AM
hehehe that was funny
8. Meseum Caper - October 21, 2009 12:09 PM
"yelled at him for having matches"
haha, that's the only reason why I am so addicted to this site, your snide comments. Love it!
9. Closet Nerd - October 21, 2009 12:14 PM
@6 Its really hard to make it land there (Uranus)..... I really have to build up some pressure, then I have to put some spin on it and have it riccochet off of the headboard. Talk about a trick shot.... or rim shot.
10. naas - October 21, 2009 12:15 PM
I saw a picture recently of hilliary clinton looking curiously at a model of that rocket, but because of the size of the model I thought she was in an adult toy store
11. Closet Nerd - October 21, 2009 12:16 PM
@10 The C Rocket?
12. AntBriWes - October 21, 2009 12:24 PM
So, if this rocket design fails are they going to crash it into the moon as well?
13. JADE - October 21, 2009 12:36 PM
How does NASA get $445 freakin million bucks to fire off another stupid rocket.
And my grandmother was sent home to soon from the hospitol after 2 heart attacks. Why? because her health care wouldn't cover anymore days. WTF?
14. naas - October 21, 2009 12:38 PM
@11 you know it (hehe, C rocket)
15. Stuart Conover - October 21, 2009 12:45 PM
For the record. 1981 was a great year to be born. That is all.
16. Dishy Dishyington - October 21, 2009 1:12 PM
Sooooo old. No not 28, although that's old enuf to be an adult. I mean NASA's been pewing rockets at the moon for 'bout 1000 years now.
When are they gonna nuke the damn thing? Nuke it 'till it glows.
17. uggboots - October 21, 2009 1:12 PM
I adore that, so great!
18. Quigon - October 21, 2009 1:52 PM
It looks like the shape of the Trojan ecstacy condoms
19. brush with baking soda - October 21, 2009 1:58 PM
is this the plasma rocket that can reach mars in 40 or so years?
20. RK - October 21, 2009 6:50 PM
amazing. nasa finally figured out how to get into space without killing any astronauts. oh, wait, this rocket is unmanned... Still, with nasa's track record, I wouldn't rule out a piece of rocket debris from this launch randomly killing an astronaut driving home on the freeway.
21. a dog - October 21, 2009 7:34 PM
@2
DID YOU EVEN READ IT? IT TELLS YOU THE PURPOSE. WTF
22. AtomicCoffee - October 21, 2009 9:44 PM
You know what? I'm bleepin' sick of NASA. They're boring and they suck.
Supposedly, we put a man on the moon 40 YEARS ago, and we STILL don't have awesome zero-G cities there?! We STILL can't fly to Mars using a hyperdrive?! No flying cars?! No bleepin' light sabers or laser guns?! (And I mean REAL laser guns; not that bullbleep lab equipment and those annoying pointers 12 year old boys use at the mall.)
And what does NASA do with all the money they get? Stupid boring experiments to perpetuate the global warming hoax! We don't even have cool astronauts anymore! They used to be square-jawed, steel-balled test pilots with buzz cuts; now they're just a bunch of fat-azzed broads and nerdy college professors!
Aliens are laughing their balls off at us because we can't even get off the bunny hill!
Well, BLEEP you, NASA! You suck.
23. AtomicCoffee - October 21, 2009 10:01 PM
...and one more thing! Did any of you see that ridiculous "let's-shoot-a-missle-at-the-moon" mission the GENIUSES at NASA did a couple weeks ago?!
I woke up at 7AM to watch that! I was expecting shock-and-awe and what did we get?! A sparrow fart that even one of their own mission control guys wouldn't high-five!
Here's a tip, NASA: The next time you want to shoot a missile at the moon, call that anvil-shooting guy, give him a million gallons of gasoline, a trainload of black powder, a decommissioned aircraft carrier, and let him put on a real bleepin' show!
Lousy bunch of Stanford pussies. Makes me sick.
24. Red Ruffensor - October 22, 2009 2:05 AM
You bunch of candy-assed embryos, I used to watch the mighty Saturn V lift off live (OK, it was on the teevee). That's a REAL rocket, just watching that damn thing as a kid has made me into the hairy alpha male I am today!!