Oct 19 2009Luxury SUVs: Now With Whale Penis Interiors
Italian leather is okay, but you haven't experienced luxury until you've peeled yourself from whale penis leather on a hot day. And now you can thanks to the $1.6 million Dartz Prombron Monaco Red Diamond Edition armored car! Also, penis leather is fundamentally wrong.
The leather is not the only tacky accessory on the Prombron, which Dartz claims is the world's most expensive SUV.
The bulletproof windows are gold-plated, the exhaust is made of tungsten, the gauges are encrusted with diamonds and rubies and the exterior has a Kevlar coating.The car also comes with three bottles of the world's most expensive Vodka, RussoBaltique, although the website does warn prospective buyers not to drink and drive.
Dartz's armoured vehicles weigh roughly 4 tonnes, are powered by V8s putting out between 300kW and 400kW and are "rocket grenade-proof" according to the website.
For those wondering just how may whales may need to be harvested to outfit the special edition, the answer is not many. The penis of the Blue Whale, for example, can grow up to 2.4 metres.
Yeah, no. If I catch anybody with one of these you can rest assured I'm stealing your windows, exhaust, instrument panel and vodka. AND I MAY RUB MY FACE ALL OVER YOUR SEATS.
The 4WD with seats made of whale penis [sydneymorningherald]
Thanks to Russell and Dan the man, who both drive unicorn penises.
Reader Comments
1. ChaosHellbound - October 19, 2009 3:04 PM
What the hell..?
2. ciao - October 19, 2009 3:04 PM
ew, that's horrid
3. shellshell - October 19, 2009 3:05 PM
HA yea drug dealers you are so cool sitting on a whale penis!
4. Richard McBeef - October 19, 2009 3:11 PM
mmmmmmmm, penis leather.
5. Blastphemer - October 19, 2009 3:12 PM
They need to stop all the posturing and just start mass producing the Tumbler already for crying out loud!
I would volunteer to cover the seats with MY penis.......or at least rub my penis all over the seats. Just give me a Tumbler already...you can keep your whale penis covered, kevlar coated, diamond encrusted, gold layered, bomb/bullet-proof....pussy wagon.
6. Richard McBeef - October 19, 2009 3:13 PM
If see one of these son's a bitches driving down the block, i will test the RPG-proofness of it.
7. Pat - October 19, 2009 3:14 PM
$1.6 million?! Uh, you get get a Bugatti Veyron or a Ford GT for less than that.
8. Drbendy - October 19, 2009 3:15 PM
God SUV owners have managed to go even less subtle in the way they tell us they have a tiny dick.
9. naas - October 19, 2009 3:20 PM
you GW posted this because of the whale penis part, if you don't - you should
10. naas - October 19, 2009 3:26 PM
'you know' .... I'm not typing anymore today because I can't get it right, seeya tomorrow
11. Blastphemer - October 19, 2009 3:30 PM
Oh yeah...btw, since we're on the subject of whale penises...
you should check out that book, 'Fluke' by Christopher Moore. Funny stuff!!! I didn't have a clue that whales had prehensile penises before reading that thing...or that Amelia Earhart might still be alive too for that matter. Shh...shh, say no more.
12. _me - October 19, 2009 3:31 PM
I looked into it for you. And the anagram for;
Monaco Red Dartz Prombron
is
A Damn Bronzed Pro Corm Rot;
Which, as we all know, looks like complete gibberish but makes sense if you take it one word a a time.
Ladies and gentlemen, I believe that this car is real and will soon replace the HumVee as the military norm in our soon to be arriving Zombie Apocalypse.
I just hope they can make enough of them in time.
13. Lain - October 19, 2009 3:50 PM
Wow. Do you REALLY need gold-plated, bulletproof windows? People disgust me.
14. Ham Bone - October 19, 2009 3:53 PM
I want mine made from Giant Squid taint
15. Annie - October 19, 2009 3:54 PM
I wonder what the seats would feel like? O_o Real leather? Skin? Soft as a baby's bottom? I dunno. I guess only girl whales will know, because hopefully nobody will actually BUY this car.
And I have to ask; did they kill the whale for its penis alone? Or (hopefully) did they go to a dock somewhere and buy the penis?
How did THAT conversation go down? Surely that isn't a transaction one sees every day.
"Yes, I'm looking for some prime blue whale penis? No no, just the penis. Yes, I'm serious, just the penis alone - well...if the scrotum comes WITH the penis then I guess we'll take it, but if it doesn't we can forget it. And I want that penis SPOTLESS, do you understand? If I see ONE MOLE...."
Weird.
16. Thumperchica - October 19, 2009 3:58 PM
Um... No. Now take your tube sushi seats and GTFO.
17. Hawk - October 19, 2009 3:58 PM
*Rubs himself all over the interior while licking it!*
Nuuughhhh!!! :>~~~~~
18. GiGi :P - October 19, 2009 4:13 PM
LMAo!!!! Omg totally awesum...now chinesse ppl will rub their penises on this leather thinking they will grow a lil more haha....
19. Closet Nerd - October 19, 2009 4:20 PM
the website even has pictures of the whale penises
http://dartz.eu/en/dartz_site_bankz/vip-armored-car/tree243_unnamed_alias
20. catch22 - October 19, 2009 4:40 PM
if you rub one of the bucket seats does it turn into a couch?
21. Jaded Icon - October 19, 2009 4:41 PM
Why can I only think that this would be interesting to russian gangsters?
22. Nick Sydney - October 19, 2009 4:53 PM
that is just WRONG!
from an environmentalist, and masculine standpoint
you're depriving the whale of his little friend
23. BulletproofKia - October 19, 2009 4:55 PM
@8
What about "midsize" SUV owners?
24. Mr Hobbes - October 19, 2009 5:08 PM
I looked up the vodka mentioned and what I can find says that it costs $1.3 million a bottle. If this SUV comes with three bottles, then this is turning out to be quite a deal. Sort of.
25. Jim - October 19, 2009 10:33 PM
Gee, you can tell from the outside that there's a penis inside.
26. DareBear - October 19, 2009 10:59 PM
Hahaha, I like how they how they try to make it seem ok by suggesting that fewer whale penis' are needed to make the leather, and then use the ENDANGERED BLUE WHALE AS A REFERENCE.
27. Anonymooseknuckle - October 20, 2009 6:18 AM
Because guys who buy cars to look all manly and the like really want people to know that they drive around sitting on another guy's penis.
Uhuh. I can see that going down well with all their gangsta friends.
(you see what I did there....going down.....this stuff is gold I tell you)
28. Geekolojew - October 20, 2009 7:04 AM
Must See!!!
http://alturl.com/obg7
________________
29. The Good Monk - October 20, 2009 7:39 AM
That would be two pricks on the inside so
30. patrickyayo - October 20, 2009 8:00 PM
its funny because 1 in6 families in America are in poverty
but it dosent matter i guess?
31. monkeypizza - October 20, 2009 10:14 PM
i want mine with anus skin
32. ZeKo - October 22, 2009 1:51 AM
Are these seats heated? Because if so... I better not see veins...
33. Kilo - October 24, 2009 2:20 PM
Copy of the philip de franko show? sexphil of something like that
34. scaz and george - November 1, 2009 4:24 AM
How many whale penises does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
35. penis büyütücü - January 26, 2010 6:11 AM
Penis büyütücü ister misiniz?
36. utsav - February 24, 2011 5:52 PM
lol can you get impregnated by that shyt????