Oct 10 2009 Gears Of War: A Steampunk Wedding Cake

This is a steampunk wedding cake created by Mike's Amazing Cakes in Seattle, WA and photographed by Libby Bulloff. I want to put my face in it so bad. I heart fondant!

Liz and Austin's steampunked wedding cake. The metallic gears, doors, rivets, and panels were all made of fondant and were entirely edible. This is probably the baddest-ass wedding cake you will ever see. Respect.

Best part: the cake tasted just as decadent as it looked! I had a slice of the lemon layer after photographing it.

Anybody else like the title I came up with? Thanks, I thought that was pretty clever myself. Gears Of War: A Steampunk Wedding Cake. Because marriage is like a war or something. Except mine. Mine was like GW genocide.

Hit the jump for a closeup.

Continue Reading " Gears Of War: A Steampunk Wedding Cake "

Oct 10 2009 Arguably The Best Haircut OF ALL TIME

This kid has what might very well be the best haircut of all time. It definitely beats the bowl cut I used to rock as a kid. Also, I had a rat-tail. Which, I'm not ashamed to admit, my mom still has saved in an envelope somewhere (not even kidding). What?! Don't even act like your parents don't still have all your baby teeth!

My Hair is Batman, Your Argument is Invalid. [geekstir]

Thanks to cody, who didn't have hair until he was two and then only on his back. Tough break, kid. There's always the carnival.

Oct 10 2009 They're Good For Something: Dead Fly Art

Dead fly art: it just makes sense. Now I don't really want to go into the kind of person it takes to collect dead flies and glue them to a piece of paper to make "art", but suffice it to say they're our kinda person. Plus, I really dig the final results. Well, except for the moth in the last piece -- didn't see that one coming!

Hit the jump for a whole bunch more.

Continue Reading " They're Good For Something: Dead Fly Art "

Oct 9 2009 Yeah, But Can It Fly?: Amphibious WaterCar Does 60MPH On Both Land And Sea

The $200,000 WaterCar is the lovechild of a Corvette that fell in love with a cigarette boat. But, like having sex with a mermaid, everyone will tell you it was just a manatee.

Get a Corvette engine, rig it up with a Dominator Jet drive, and then strap it into a floating car, and you get the WaterCar Python, the fastest and highest-performing amphibious vehicle in the world. If zipping over the water at a top speed of 60mph doesn't float your boat, it'll accelerate on land at a neck-snapping 0-to-60 speed of a mere 4.5 seconds.

Call me old fashioned, but I like all my vehicles single-purpose. If it drives on the road, I don't want it in the ocean or sky. I mean, that's just more stuff to go wrong. And wrong, my friends, is the opposite of right. And two Wrights made an airplane. ZING! Thanks for that one, dad.

Hit the jump for several more shots and a video of the thing in action (worthwhile stuff starts at 0:50).

Continue Reading " Yeah, But Can It Fly?: Amphibious WaterCar Does 60MPH On Both Land And Sea "

Oct 9 2009 I Can't Even Believe That's Real: Amazing Bullet Impacts At 1,000,000 Frames/Second

A million FPS, is that even possible? Because that's crazy if it is (also, black magical). I'll probably never do anything a million times, let alone in a single second. But regardless, this is a 10:00 video of bullets doing their thing in super slow-motion. There's some pretty sweet glass breaking action at 4:30, some ballistic gel destruction right after, and some absolutely amazing footage of bullets disintegrating against a steel plate starting at 6:20. It's just so....beautiful. I can honestly say I've never wanted to be shot so badly. Anybody here in a gang?!

Youtube

Thanks to jamal, who has never missed the bullseye or a day of class. Good attendance AND a sharp shooter -- I like your style, jamal.

Oct 9 2009 Not A Plane: Nissan's Futuristic Land Glider

Sure it may look like a spaceship's cockpit, but it's not! It's the cockpit of Nissan's Land Glider, a conceptual car design recently unveiled at the Tokyo Motor Show.

This is the Nissan Land Glider, an electric car with two seats. it has a narrow body, which Nissan says will help reduce traffic congestion by allowing more cars in the same city space, as well as making parking easier. It has a balancing system to make it stable as it takes curves, compensating for inertia with the car's body movement.

I actually like it (hit the jump for more shots and a video). And not just because it looks skinny enough to bob and weave between a giant robot's legs, but that's something you have to think about when you're in the market for a futuristic car. Also, standard weaponry and estimated RBI. Ha, what do you mean that's a baseball stat? SHUT UP I KNOW CAR STUFF!

Hit it for for more pictures and a 6:00 video.

Continue Reading " Not A Plane: Nissan's Futuristic Land Glider "

Oct 9 2009 Could It Really Be?: Link's Biological Father

This is a picture of a Nordic looking dude who may or may not be Link's biological father. He probably is, I just never pictured Link Sr. as a pantless cigar smoker. I mean, not that there's anything wrong with that. Love you Grandpa!

Picture (WARNING: all other images on that site are verrrrry NSFW. Clicking any of the other tags on the page will take you to cartoon pictures that will get you fired, including a ton more Zelda-themed ones I didn't look at, I swear).

Thanks to Yopoleo, who I question how he found the picture in the first place. Suuuure you just stumbled across it searching Google!

Oct 9 2009 That's No Playground, That's A Dieground!

Apparently Giganta was a piece of robotic playground equipment available in the late 70's for really sadistic playground designers. I'm just thankful the Baptist preschool I went to didn't have one or I may have not made it past five. Seriously, who the hell would want to play inside the cage-like belly of a two-ton robot? You've got to hand it to the manufacturer though -- I love how they awarded themselves a fake prize for the product to make it look better. "Miracle Medalist", that's great. What's the real miracle is that Giganta here didn't send kids running into oncoming traffic.

Playgrounds From the 70s [make]

Thanks to BiSScuiTT, who grew up playing with bears in the woods like a normal kid.

Oct 9 2009 NASA's Moon Bombing High-Five Fail

This is a short video from the live-feed at NASA showing the group responsible for bombing the moon celebrating after a job well done. Just watch red shirt there get snubbed by black shirt after initiating a high-five sequence. THEY EVEN MAKE DIRECT EYE CONTACT. Geez, talk about awkward. I've only aborted a high-five once, and that was because I knew the guy didn't wash his hands after using the bathroom. Seriously bro, I'm not touching your junk.

Youtube

Thanks to Martyn, who has never been denied a high-five BECAUSE HE WILL RIP YOUR ARM OFF AND DO IT HIMSELF IF YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.

Oct 9 2009 What If?: There Were No Super Mario Brothers

This would happen. So yeah, be thankful for Italian plumbers. Except for the pair that stole all the copper piping out of my house. Those two can go to hell.

Animated Gif

Thanks to PK, who once stopped a Bullet Bill from destroying the earth by deflecting it with a giant tennis racket. TOO BAD YOU BLEW UP THE SUN.

Oct 9 2009 Cool!: Beluga Whales Can Blow Bubble Rings

So apparently beluga whales know how to blow bubble rings, making them perfect for children's birthday parties and arguably the smartest creatures in the ocean. You hear that merfolk? Your finned asses just got demoted!

And while they chug through the water at a sluggish 2 to 5mph, their mental power more than makes up for their slowness. Scientists don't really know why Belugas - like their fellow marine mammals, the dolphins - are fond of blowing bubbles and then chasing them. But it's likely that, just like children, they simply enjoy messing about.

Some scientists have called Belugas the most intelligent creatures on earth. But don't confuse that large forehead with a huge brain.

It is actually filled with a lump of wax, which is thought to help the whales communicate. In fact, they are so talkative - using chirps, squeals and squeaks - that their nickname is 'the canary of the sea'.

Yes, 'the canary of the sea'. Not to be confused with 'the poisonous chicken of the sea', which is the Japanese Puffer Fish. I ate twelve and still lived! NOW WHO'S THE DEADLIEST CATCH COMPETITIVE EATER?! This guy.

Hit the jump for several more of the ring-blowing fun.

Continue Reading " Cool!: Beluga Whales Can Blow Bubble Rings "

Oct 8 2009 Well, It's Been Nice Knowing You: NASA Plans To Blow Up The Moon Tomorrow Morning

NOTE: If you're reading this after 7:30AM Eastern you may be dead.

As you may recall from the Pulitzer-winning article I wrote back in June (and an even ooolder article from April '06) , NASA plans to blow up the moon by crashing the $79 million Lunar Crater Observation and its Sensing Satellite (LCROSS) into the Cabeus crater on the moon's south pole.

When the twin crafts hit the lunar surface at around 6,000 mph, NASA expects "plumes of moon dust -- perhaps full of ice -- (to soar) 6.2 miles high above the moon's Cabeus crater."

NASA hopes the explosion and resulting unmooning (see what I did there? Like unearthing!) will finally settle whether there's ice and water under the moon's surface. And, if so, if it's potable. Nice, NASA -- TOO BAD YOU'RE GONNA BLOW THE MOON IN TWO LIKE BUTTCHEEKS! And do you even know what that's gonna do to the ocean's tides? I mean, besides make for the most epic day of bodyboarding EVER. See you at the beach, suckers!

NASA Will Bomb The Moon Tomorrow [io9]
and
NASA Attacks the Moon [yahoonews]

Thanks to JFreezy, Sean, The Superficial Writer, Benjamin and moses, who are gonna finish the moon off with a giant laser if NASA's plan doesn't work.

Oct 8 2009 Move Those Buns!: Getting People To Use The Stairs Instead Of The Escalator

This is a video made at a subway station in Stockholm that asks the question, "can we get more people to choose the stairs by making it fun to do?" And the answer, amazingly, is yes -- by converting the stairs into a giant piano a la Big. Granted in the U.S. not a single extra person would have taken the stairs and at least two women would have called the cops about a possible bomb. Still, good going, guys, but I would have just turned off the escalator.

These Piano Stairs Will Motivate Even The Laziest of You [gizmodo]

Oct 8 2009 Genius!: Mug With A Cookie Holding Shelf

The Cookie Dunk Mug is a $22 beverage receptacle that also has a place to store cookies for dunking! Plus, the manufacturer isn't sidest and makes a left-handed version. High left-five!

There's "no need to juggle with a plate and cup and of course, you also save on the washing up afterwards."

If you're a lefty, fear not, this mug comes in right handed or left handed styles. Your left handed deformity will no longer hold you back from enjoying your hot beverage and cookies at the same time.

Wait -- did that say deformity? Because somebody just got their ass boycotted! I don't know who, but somebody. These things happen all the time, probably an oil company. Deformed and proud, baby! You too? Whoa whoa whoa, it's cool -- leave the bag on.

Product Site
via
Cookie Dunk Mug [techeblog]

Thanks to Sarene, who throws all her cookies in at once and lets them sink to the bottom. Me too -- I like them supersaturated!

Oct 8 2009 Glass And Brass: This Steampunk-y Table

This is a steampunk inspired side-table created by Tom Spina Designs (the same man responsible for the Han Solo frozen in carbonite desk). Prices start around $1000 and vary depending on size and design. I want one. Granted it may just be a bunch of painted PVC pipes and a couple gauges and glass baubles, but I could never make one. And that has nothing to do with the fact that I've been drinking all morning. Haha, now I see two tables. No -- three! Aaaaaand I'm puking in my mouth. I feel noodles. WHEN DID I EAT NOODLES?!?!

Product Site (with a couple other sweet products as well -- I'm looking at you, t-rex desk and skull throne)

Thanks to Tom, the man behind the brass curtain. Now send me one.

Oct 8 2009 FAKE SCAR IS FAKE: FX Halloween Tattoos

FX Tattoos are temporary tattoos that help spice up your costume with a little bit of gore. But don't think you can get away just wearing a few and calling it your costume, cause that's weak as hell AND YOU WON'T GET ANY CANDY. A single sheet of tattoos costs $10 and come in varieties like wounds, injured cyborg, reptile skin and insects. The wounds are the best ones though, just look at those things. I'm going as a place holder!

Product Website (make sure to click adult tattoos in the top right corner and read the warning)

Thanks to Pat, whose cardboard robot costume has been months in the making. DON'T COME AROUND EXPECTING NO CANDY, BOY.

Oct 8 2009 Wow, That Was Sad: Tree Electrocutes Itself

This is a video of a tree which, unable to cope with the unruly birds and squirrels that have taken up residence in its branches, has decided to off itself with the help of a nearby power line. It's almost as painful to watch as your apartment building going up in flames because you were trying to grow pot in your closet. Almost. NOT THAT I'D KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THAT. Pfft, I went to D.A.R.E.!

Tree Electrocutes Self [collegehumor]

Thanks to NUTZBABIE, who I would probably steer clear of.

Oct 8 2009 Raptor Jesus Went Extinct For Your Sins

First of all, we're not going there. I just thought this would be a good time to open up a discussion about what sort of dinosaur mount you think Jesus will ride into battle against the robots. My guess is a supersweet t-rex/raptor hybrid God made just for him. That can fly. Oooh -- and breath fire. Okay, basically a dragon. Puuuuuuuff!

Image [bme]

Thanks to tripcreator, who may or may not be a travel agent.

Oct 8 2009 More Sprinkles!: Custom $25K Cupcake Cars

These are three examples of custom cupcake cars that Neimen Marcus is selling for Christmas this year. Each cake will set you back $25K, but makes the perfect gift for the Lollypop Guild member on your list who has everything. Plus, they come with matching hats!

Put on your matching hat, slip under the muffin top of your Cupcake Car, and let the world figure itself out for awhile. Get (or give) the sheer, joyful chaos of a gift that is mind-blowing, triple-dog-dare, double-infinity forever cool. Make the kids or grandkids literally squeal with joy. Bring it to work and buzz the breakroom. Crash parades! Putter about the 'hood. Ever had a crowd of kids chasing after you just for the crazy gleeful heck of it? (No worries, the top speed is a comfy-safe 7 mph.) What's it made of? A 24-volt electric motor, a heavy-duty battery, sheet metal, wire, fabric, wood...and mad genius. Launched at Burning Man as a cooperative art car project, the Cupcake Car sprang from the fevered mind of Bay Area artist Lisa Pongrace and her less-rules-more-laughs posse of artists and techno geeks. Yours will be tricked out with your favorite topping, so start thinking flavors.

Yeah, if I ever see a cupcake driving down the sidewalk I'm swearing off drugs forever. Except alcohol. Which, fun fact: I'm petitioning to be included in the food pyramid. STOP FIGHTING IT, FDA!

$25,000 'Cupcake Car' comes with a matching hat [dvice]

Oct 7 2009 Photosketch: Photoshop For The Unskilled

Photosketch is an intuitive computer program that makes Photoshopping pictures of yourself humping a dinosaur crushing a robot's skull even easier. You just sketch out some stick figures, add text labels, and the program does all the heavy lifting for you.

A group of researchers have put together a system called PhotoSketch which allows the user to literally sketch a desired scene (see above for an example), label each part of the scene with keywords, then PhotoSketch searches the web for photos and assembles a photographic version of the sketch.

Why the hell anybody would want a picture of themself with a strange woman on a beach with a regatta in the background is beyond me, but hey, it's possible. And you know what else is? Anything you put your mind to. I jest, you'll never accomplish anything. Kidding -- you're all winners in my book. I mean that.

PhotoSketch: Make the Internet Create Photos for You [mentalfloss]

Thanks to Richard, Jack, susan and The Superficial Writer, who only use Photoshop for counterfeiting fast food coupons. The gig is up!

Oct 7 2009 Carving With A Lightsaber: Jack-O-Vader

This is a Darth Vader and Yoda display made of fake carve-able pumpkins at some arts and crafts store in Roseville, MN. It serves as a perfect example of how NOT to sell fake pumpkins (Vader -- what the hell's on the end of your lightsaber?!). Listen -- you wanna sell foam pumpkins? I've got two words for you: naked....naked. Haha, I lost my train of thought. Naked something. Anything, I don't care what. BOOM, SOLD!

Darth Pumpkin and Yod-o'-lantern [gizmodo]

Oct 7 2009 New Giant Ring Discovered Around Saturn

Because space is awesome and full of mysteries (and butt-naked aliens), scientists just recently discovered a freaking huge new ice-and-dust ring around Saturn. I want it for engagement!

Although the ring dust is very cold -- minus 316 degrees Fahrenheit -- it shines with thermal radiation.

No one had looked at its location with an infrared instrument until now, Clavin said.

The bulk of the ring material starts about 3.7 million miles from the planet and extends outward about another 7.4 million miles.

The newly found ring is so huge it would take 1 billion Earths to fill it, JPL said.

1 billion earths -- that's a lot! Not as many as you could fit in my stomach, but I've been expanding it with balloons. I'm gonna be a drug mule!

NASA telescope discovers giant ring around Saturn [comcastnews]

Thanks to Calabasa209, who has been to space and knows things. Things you wouldn't even believe. I'm talking wormhole shit. Makes great fertilizer!

Oct 7 2009 I Like Turtles: Woman Birthing Drybones

This is a mammogram ultrasound of a woman who, quite clearly, is gonna give birth to a Super Mario character. It came with the following note:

I think maybe Amy has been playing too much Nintendo....

(When you work around designers - it only takes an off hand half-mention of something visual for it to end up in a photo.)

Congratulations, Amy. Maybe your little Drybones will be the minion to finally put those pesky Mario Brothers under! Then, Peach will be mine. MWAHAHAHAHA! Suck it, Bowser! No I mean it -- you look like a dinosaur.

Photo

Thanks to PolarBearAttack, who will be the last thing you ever see before everything fades to white. Snowstorm!

Oct 7 2009 Oldschool Destruction: Rampage In Real Life

This is a video of the oldschool classic Rampage in real life, brought to you by the same angry bald man that produced the real life Paperboy (but not the movie). I chuckled. But I did NOT upchuck, even though I did two nights ago. That was the night I walked into the restroom at a bar and caught a guy standing at the pisser trying to blow a snot rocket on the wall above the urinal. So you know what I did? I waited till he was done pissing THEN WHIPPED HIS MONKEY ASS. Being gross: don't do it around me.

Youtube

Oct 7 2009 I Want One: A Dinosaur Head Belt Buckle

I can't remember the last time I had a dino's head so near my genitals because I'm like that guy in Memento, but if I were a betting man I'd say it was sometime last night. But now you can have that happy feeling all the time thanks to this t-rex head belt buckle designed by Kieselstein-Cord.

The t-rex buckle in sterling silver by Kieselstein-Cord. The piece measures 3 1/4 inches by 2 1/4 inches. $2,500.

Wait, did that say $2,500? Because that's ridiculous. I could get you a real dino head belt buckle for that price. Just sayin', I know people (Doc Brown).

Product Site

Thanks to Blackrider23, FutronicX, Dylan and Raptor on a hoverboard, who don't need belt buckles because they don't wear pants. Enough with the pictures guys, I get it.

Oct 7 2009 It's About Time: A Fake iPhone Pocket Scale

Let's face it, we don't all sell drugs *whistling*, but we do all need pocket scales. Maybe you just want to know how much a letter weighs before sending it. Or like to precisely measure ingredients while cooking. Or maybe you sell coke and weed. Enter the fake iPhone pocket scale. With a cover that looks unconvincingly like a real iPhone, this has got to be the cheese-whizziest scale disguise I've ever seen (and I once owned a scale designed to look like a Twilight dildo). Geez, make a scale that looks like a book already! That's what I did (I've got what you're looking for). You're not a cop, right? Cause boy you'd look cute in one of those hats!

Hit the jump to see the display case the scale was spotted in, just in case there was any question to its intended porpoise. Porpoise? I'm a dolphin, bitch!

Continue Reading " It's About Time: A Fake iPhone Pocket Scale "

Oct 7 2009 I'm Pirating All Her Songs Just To Spite Her: A Horribly Singing Robot

Yamaha's HRP-4C robot, best known for having pervs take pictures of its ass and modeling wedding dresses, can now sing song requests sent to it via iPhone. Impressive, Yamaha. I mean, if I DIDN'T SEE MORE IMPRESSIVE TECHNOLOGY AT CHUCK E CHEESE'S 20 YEARS AGO. Oooooh, burn! Seriously -- this thing, with fire. And while we're on the subject, somebody's dad touched my butt in the ballpit.

Hit the jump for a video of the robotic tramp singing terribly.

Continue Reading " I'm Pirating All Her Songs Just To Spite Her: A Horribly Singing Robot "

Oct 6 2009 Cool!: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Pizza Party

Looks legit to me.

Picture [ozozo]

Thanks to Jessica, who doesn't care if there's rat fur in the pizza, she's going.

Oct 6 2009 Dino-Rider: Geekologie Writer Vs. The Volcano

Jesse Starr, to thank me for showcasing his incredible Christopher Walken ballpoint pen portrait, took my shoutout at the end of the post, which read, "Thanks Jesse, now how about one of me riding a dinosaur battling a volcano?", and made the dream a reality. This is only a part of the piece, click HERE to see it in all its high-res glory. OH HELL YES! TAKE THAT, VOLCANO. Joe ain't got shit on me!

As an added bonus, Jesse made a video of how he created the piece, which you can see after the jump. But, SPOILER ALERT: there's a picture of my ugly mug involved, so shy away.

Hit it for the video.

Continue Reading " Dino-Rider: Geekologie Writer Vs. The Volcano "

Oct 6 2009 Dinosaurs Disrupt German Television Program

This is a scene from some German television program that gets raided by a bunch of dinosaurs. And let me tell you: when that raptor first came running out I thought it was CG. But it wasn't. And neither were my 30 boners! My God, I've never wanted to be part of a live studio audience so bad in my life.

Youtube

Thanks to Martyn, Chuck and LewisRedd, who would have run on stage like it was The Price Is Right.

Oct 6 2009 Yikes!: Vampire Teeth Baby Pacifiers

As if babies aren't scary enough already, now you can get $7 vampire teeth pacifiers that make them look like they're gonna suck blood instead of breast milk. No way -- not from this teat!

Billy Bob pacifiers for babies with personality. You will receive this hilarious, Lil' Vampire Billy Bob pacifier. It is brand new in manufacturers' packaging.

WARNING: Do not tie pacifier around child's neck, as it presents a strangulation danger.

Geez, who on earth would ever tie a pacifier around a child's neck? I mean, besides your parents. One time they left you on top of the car and drove off!

Product Site
via
Halloween Lil' Vampire Pacifier Makes Babies Scary Even While Sleeping [walyou]

Oct 6 2009 I Couldn't Make This Up: New 'Horny Ballerina' Species Of Tyrannosaurus Discovered

That's right folks, scientists have discovered a new species of tyrannosaurus, completely different than the much larger (and arguably sexier) t-rex everyone is accustomed to. But you've got to admit, this little bugger is cute as a button.

The new, more graceful tyrannosaur is named Alioramus altai.

A. altai apparently has a similar skeleton to larger Tyrannosaur-type dinos such as Tarbosaurus, Alioramus, Gorgosaurus etc. But among these burly heavyweights, A. altai was surely the butt of cruel locker-room bullying and dino towel-snapping, weighing in at a puny 800 pounds or so - half the weight of the regular tyrannosaurs. The ballerina-esque, "gracile" A. altai also differed from the big boys in having horns and an elongated snout.

The new dino was slim, light on its feet, horny and partial to meat

HIYO -- just like every ballerina I've ever known! Except the lesbians (no meat).

Horny new 'ballerina' Tyrannosaur was light on its feet [theregister]

Thanks to Barry and Kelly, who have danced with the dinosaurs in the pale moonlight and lived to tell about it.

Oct 5 2009 Another Gallery Of Video Games In Real Life

This is another little gallery of video games in realer life than they are when you play them. As you can see, this is a game I'm not familiar with. It looks like Tetris mixed with Rampage. I would call it Shape Rampagers, but that's just because I'M A WORLD CLASS GAME NAMER. Super Mario Bros.? Pfft, try Two Plumbers Fight To Bang The Princess. Yeah -- I'm that L337.

Hit the jump for a few of my favorites, and the link to a bunch more if you're interested in that sort of thing (I won't judge).

Continue Reading " Another Gallery Of Video Games In Real Life "

Oct 5 2009 Wait, What?: Fake Virginity Kits For Sale

I don't even know what to say, except this makes me sad about the women in the world who are stoned and fed to dragons if they're not virgins when they're married. And you thought I was a heartless asshole.

No more worry about losing your virginity. With this product, you can have your first night back anytime. Insert this artificial hymen into your vagina carefully. It will expand a little and make you feel tight. When your lover penetrate, it will ooze out a liquid that look like blood not too much but just the right amount. Add in a few moans and groans, you will pass through undetectable. Its easy to use, clinically proven non-toxic to human and has no side effects, no pain to use and no allergic reaction.

Wow, did I really just read that? Because now I don't feel so good. The $30 kit ships from China and I suspect is manufactured using recycled condoms. Plus, I don't even know what. [Insert something here while I cry and puke at the same time]

Product Site

Thanks to Michael and The webcam in your monocle, who can't tell the difference between a virgin and a hole in the wall. Literally, no idea.

Oct 5 2009 Great News!: All Dinosaurs Go To Heaven

In wonderful news, at least according to this $18 t-shirt design from Threadless (where were you on this, CNN?!), all dinosaurs go to heaven. So yeah, maybe there's a merciful God after all. But, as a guy who wasn't ever planning on seeing the pearly gates: does the Catholic church still do that thing they used to where you pay to have your sins absolved? And, if so, can I borrow some money? Couple mill should do me.

Product Site

Thanks to Adam, who's trying his hardest to go to hell because he heard that's where all marsupials go. You're sick.

Oct 5 2009 Spider Drawing Guy Is Back At It, With Sharks

David Thorne, a man best known for drawing a picture of a seven-legged spider to settle an unpaid bill, is back at it -- this time staving off another rental property inspection with shark drawings. And while David may never top the spider bit, this one did have its moments. Namely the end. Unfortunately, it also has a lot of words, which I mostly skimmed over. Not unlike the way you read Geekologie. Kidding -- like any of you get past the picture. Your sister's a whore!

Hit the jump to see how the whole ordeal played out.

Continue Reading " Spider Drawing Guy Is Back At It, With Sharks "

Oct 5 2009 Little Family Moves Into A Computer Case

Not a real one, silly! You'd have to have a freaking giant computer (or tiny family) for that to happen. What is this, the 50's? No, cause sexual harassment didn't exist back then. Back me up, Mad Men. I love you, Don! I thought that latest cigarette ad campaign of yours was absolutely great -- really killer. See what I did there?! Killer -- like cigarettes! Hire me Don, I have to be around you!

Hit the jump for two more shots of the dollcase.

Continue Reading " Little Family Moves Into A Computer Case "

Oct 5 2009 It Buuuuurns!: Laser Projection Wrist Watch

This conceptual Alessi laser watch by designer Andy Kurovets projects the time onto your wrist with lasers. Pfft, what's the matter with Indiglo technology? That shit's hot! But if you do opt for lasers, just make sure you buy the right powered battery or that bitch might burn right through your arm! Kidding, future laser technology will be kinetically powered by the motion of your arm. So no masturbating. Kidding -- I say go for it!

Concept Watch Actually Projects the Time Onto Your Wrist...With Lasers [gizmodo]

Thanks to charlie and Aisha, who don't need watches to tell what time it is cause they have magnets in their brains like birds or whatever. Yes I paid attention in school!

Oct 5 2009 Wow: Plane-Mounted Laser Burning A Truck

This is a short video of Boeing and the Air Force testing a plane-mounted laser's ability to burn the everliving shit out of a stationary object during a flyby. Mission accomplished!

This video shows the effect of the high-energy laser beam from the Boeing Advanced Tactical Laser (ATL), fired at a stationary truck from a US Air Force NC-130H (Hercules) flying over White Sands Missile Range, New Mexico, on August 30, 2009. The ATL is a chemical oxygen iodine laser (COIL), and is a scaled-down version of the megawatt-class high-energy laser in the Boeing YAL-1 Airborne Laser (ABL).

Did that say scaled down? Because this thing was powerful enough to set a truck's hood on fire from who knows how far away. Now imagine the much more powerful megawatt laser pointed at your face. You'll have to wear glasses after that for sure!

Youtube

Thanks to Zach, who has one of these lasers mounted on his arm to heat frozen burritos. Good lookin', Zach, love those things.

Oct 5 2009 Delicious Light: DIY Bacon Strip Lampshade

Bacon, perhaps the most versatile tool on the planet (suck it, duct tape!), can be fashioned into just about anything. Including, but not limited to: guns and lube. And what more does a person really need (besides the love of a good woman and maybe a pet)?!

Anyway, Flickr user Kris Kelley went and made a lampshade out of bacon slices and posted a little picture tutorial. And one thing's for certain: I bet it smells divine when it heats up! Plus, 10 to 1 odds your dog eats the whole lamp first you leave the house. Ever seen a dog pass an electric cord? It's something you don't forget.

Flickr Gallery

Thanks to jessica, who gamma radiated a pig in the hopes of creating naturally glowing bacon. Unfortunately, it just turns green and beats the shit out of things when it gets mad.

Oct 5 2009 For The Apocalypse: Bra Turns To Gas Masks

Doctor Elena Bodner won this year's Ig Noble Prize for Public Health with a bra designed to turn into two functional gas masks should the need arise (and why wouldn't it?).

The aim of the awards is to honour achievements that "first make people laugh and then make them think".

The Ig Nobel Prizes were presented to the winners by genuine Nobel laureates.

Past winners also returned to take part in the celebrations. They included Kees Moeliker, the discoverer of homosexual necrophilia in the mallard duck, and Dr Francis Fesmire, who devised the digital rectal massage as cure for intractable hiccups.

Wow, what an elite group. You've got to admit though, a gas mask bra is pretty clever. Granted, not as clever as the gas mask underwear I just invented, but you act like you've never seen a guy with worn panties on his face before. THIS IS NORMAL IN JAPAN!

Hit the jump for the worthwhile complete list of winners.

Continue Reading " For The Apocalypse: Bra Turns To Gas Masks "

Oct 4 2009 Conspiracy!: Triforce Hidden In U.S. $1 Bills

Proof that our founding fathers were, in fact, from Hyrule, the United States $1 bill has Triforces hidden in all the big block E's. When contacted for comment, Princess Zelda had this to say, "My God you're handsome, Mr. Geekologie Writer". To which I replied, "HAND OVER THE TRIFORCE OF WISDOM!!"

Triforce Hidden In The One Dollar Bill [buzzfeed]

Thanks to greg, who once found a Triforce in a bowl of cereal and sold it on eBay, milk and all.

Oct 4 2009 Bangladeshi Man Kills 83,000 Rats, Wins TV

Seen here doing God knows what, 40-year old Bangladeshi farmer Mokhairul Islam killed 83,450 rats from January to September and won the coveted #1 Rat Slaya title. His reward: a 14-inch color television.

Proof of his accomplishment came in the form of 83,450 rat's tails delivered by Mr Islam to local officials.

"Rodents are the most feared enemy for farmers, so it is an honour to win this prize," he said.

The competition aims to reduce the damage done to crops in the impoverished land, with an estimated 6.5 million rats killed this year. The Government estimates that as much as 10 per cent of Bangladesh's annual harvest of rice, wheat and potatoes is devoured by rodents.

Pfft, for that kinda prize I woulda killed at least twice that many rats. WITH LASERS. Just saying, you ever had laser-roasted womp rat before? I have -- on Tatooine! Also, don't tell Luke but I've seen Leia naked. He might get jealous!

Farmer wins TV for killing record number of rats in Bangladesh [timesonline]

Thanks to trishna87, who's actually Bangladeshi and I've promised to help win the title next year. I hope we get a cassette player!

Oct 4 2009 Don't Tell The Robots!: Blood Powered Lamp

Awesome, a lamp powered by human blood. Because this will end well.

What if, every time you wanted to switch on a light, you had to bleed? Would you think twice before illuminating the room, and in turn, using up energy?

That's the idea behind the blood lamp, invented by Mike Thomspon, an English designer based in The Netherlands. The lamp contains luminol - the same chemical forensic scientists use to check for traces of blood at a crime scence. Luminol reacts with the iron in red blood cells and creates a bright blue glow. To use the lamp, you first need to mix in an activating powder. Then, you break the glass, cut yourself, and drip blood into the opening.

And this, my friends, is how our robotic overlords will read their Kindles at night. And I'll be damned if I become some robot's lamp juice. You hear me?! You will never take my blood! Quick, Edward, bite me! DO IT NOW, NANCY! *swoon* God I love your hair.

Lamp Runs On Human Blood [livescience]

Thanks to Dustin, who has never kissed a vampire (he didn't like).

Oct 4 2009 I Would Totally Suck Those: Dino Ice Bones

These are dino bone shaped ice cube trays from design firm Fred. They come in Triceratops and T-Rex models and I would totally suck on either one. Unfortunately, I can't imagine these bones lasting too long in a drink. OR MY BED.

Need to dig up a clever party accessory? Look no further than our ice-cold fossils - these two assorted dinos will add the perfect Ice Age touch to your modern drinks.

OMG I've never wanted to choke to death on something so bad in my entire life!

Product Site

Thanks to Sarah, who allegedly cools her drinks with actual chilled dinosaur bones. I'm gonna raid your freezer!