Sep 17 2009Sweet Dreams: Sleepy Time Toothpaste
PearlyDreams (not what I thought it was either) Natural Sleep Enhancing Toothpaste is supposed to help you fall asleep after brushing your teeth at night. Me? I just chloroform myself and pass out on the bathroom floor.
PearlyDreams (endorsed by Aerosmith's Brad Whitford, so you know it's legit) is toothpaste with Melatonin, Balm Mint, Valerian and Passionflower inside, all of which should combine to ease you into a peaceful slumber.
Pfft, who brushes their teeth anymore? I don't know about you, but I have robots that live in my gums and are programmed to come out and scrub my teeth clean every four hours. Sometimes they throw dance parties on my tongue and *WHOA!* Jesus, I was just having the worst nightmare.
This toothpaste is designed to knock you unconscious [dvice]
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Reader Comments
1. Bridgette - September 17, 2009 11:30 AM
yummy!
2. Johnny B - September 17, 2009 11:30 AM
Helps defend you against Peter Griffin & The Cavity Creeps....
"We make holes in teeth. We make holes in teeth. We make holes in teeth. We make....."
3. Your God - September 17, 2009 11:34 AM
Ya dude I was like.... What the eff is GW thinking... Oh, it's just a dream......A WET ONE!
4. naas - September 17, 2009 11:36 AM
I'll wash my frigg'n eyes with it
5. LSDiesel - September 17, 2009 11:39 AM
Pearly Dreams. Awesome. Although it should include Chamomile in the ingredients. Nothing says wet dreams like Chamomile.
6. naas - September 17, 2009 11:42 AM
^ ^
good point
7. hedgehog - September 17, 2009 11:47 AM
now to invent coffee flavoured toothpaste to wake me up in the morning
8. Anna - September 17, 2009 11:55 AM
who are you? and why would you allow robots on your teeth!? I feel betrayed :(
9. Moose Knuckle - September 17, 2009 11:59 AM
Are we gonna see douche bags in bars trying to buy drunk girls minty drinks?
"Nah baby, dis jus' peppermint schnapps... drink up , whooooooo!!!!"
10. ham bone - September 17, 2009 12:18 PM
every night to get to sleep i have a tube that i squeeze and white stuff comes out too and that works just fine ... the tube is my penis ....and the white stuff is jizz
11. Mr. cow - September 17, 2009 12:20 PM
Moo
12. Blastphemer - September 17, 2009 12:40 PM
NOW WITH 10% MORE ROHYPNOL!!!
Next up.........permanent ear-filling cement and eyelid staples...THAT should bring your anxiety levels down enough to get a nice & quiet, relaxing snooze.
13. ciao - September 17, 2009 12:46 PM
this is one good way to get kids to sleep right after brushing their teeth...only issue is getting them to brush...
oh yeah, just tell them it'll give them adventure dreams or something....at least your not lying...
14. Ollie Williams - September 17, 2009 1:01 PM
Ear-filling cement you say? Sign me up for 12 gallons.
15. Kanye Westicles - September 17, 2009 1:10 PM
that tooth paste is tooth-laste with bad tasting substance. it sits in your mouth like my rhymes chimes lymes mimes
16. Pat - September 17, 2009 1:11 PM
Whew! For a second, GW, I thought you were being serious about the whole robot thing.
17. asher - September 17, 2009 6:05 PM
homeopathic is Latin for "Doesn't work."
18. Jaded Icon - September 18, 2009 6:34 AM
Pftt...Booze works fine for me. And if the ladies say you need fresh breath in the morning then pay a visit to Dr. Migillicutty...he hides on the top shelf by the canned peas, which is brilliant! I mean, who eats canned peas!
19. Nike NBA Shoes - September 20, 2009 9:35 AM
http://www.popbiz24.com/