Sep 17 2009OMG!: Kids Kill Gollum By Panama Lake
A group of teens hanging out by a lake in Panama saw the elusive Gollum climbing out of his cave and did what any respectable youths would do: beat it to death with sticks.
According to reports in Panama, the teenagers spotted the creature crawling out of a cave while playing in the town of Cerro Azul north of Panama City.
Fearing for the safety as it moved towards them, the youths claim they attacked the beast with sticks before throwing its lifeless body into a pool of water.A hooked claw visible in one of the photos has been cited as evidence for the popular theory that the creature was a sloth that somehow lost its hair.
Wow you little assholes, you beat a hairless sloth to death. That's low. I mean, aren't sloths slower than turtles? You could have gotten high, had a four course picnic and taken a nap afterward and the thing would have still been like a foot from where it was before you packed the bong. That said, did you get the One Ring?! BECAUSE I MUST HAVE IT. I collect jewelry!
New 'Montauk Monster' spotted in Panama [telegraph]
Thanks to spoon platoon, Pesche and DoucheBag, who would have at least asked the poor bastard for an autograph first.
Reader Comments
1. Melissa - September 17, 2009 2:31 PM
first? lol jk.
I wouldn't kill it. Looks like it would make a good pet. Scare away intruders.
2. alioth - September 17, 2009 2:32 PM
OMG, people are so stupid or sadly, just cavemen. Beat it to death with stick, pffft!
3. Purple Monkey Dishwasher - September 17, 2009 2:32 PM
Stupid kids. I totally would've captured that and kept it as a pet.
4. pappy smeary - September 17, 2009 2:33 PM
Is it illegal???
Not to kill a gollum to 69 one. im gettin real chubbed up looking at those sweet nips..
where can i find one?
5. STOMPY - September 17, 2009 2:33 PM
Reminds me of our good freind Joshua!
http://images.google.com/images?sourceid=navclient&rlz=1T4GGLL_en&q=understanding+joshua&um=1&ie=UTF-8&ei=xICySo2VJ8-_tge1_vG-Dg&sa=X&oi=image_result_group&ct=title&resnum=4
6. Mr.Mean - September 17, 2009 2:33 PM
I always hated Panama...oh you didn't mean the song...Stil,l what a bunch of shitheads!!
7. Brian - September 17, 2009 2:37 PM
Looks like a hairless albino sloth that has been lost in a cave. Or it is in fact a dead Gollum?
8. Jrdn - September 17, 2009 2:44 PM
thats creepy as hell. they should have kept alive though.
AND SOLD IT FOR DRUGSS AND HOOKERS!!!!!
aahahaha
9. Mr. cow - September 17, 2009 2:45 PM
Moo
10. Moose Knuckle - September 17, 2009 2:52 PM
Is it trying to lick it's armpit?
I just don't get that fetish...
11. FreeDummy - September 17, 2009 2:54 PM
Way to go kids. You've killed the missing link between sloths and sloth-people.
SLOTH PEOPLE, SLOTH PEOPLE
LOOK LIKE SLOTHS
TALK LIKE PEOPLE
12. Moose Knuckle - September 17, 2009 2:57 PM
Not to parrot Daisy, but this is clearly fake, if a bunch of teens did this they would have taken a picture of his junk.
13. Ballsworthy - September 17, 2009 3:03 PM
MAMA, YOU BEEN BAD
14. shannon - September 17, 2009 3:04 PM
It looks like the mutant baby from Eraserhead!!!
15. Rah - September 17, 2009 3:26 PM
tell why those kids went ham on that sloth though
16. -Lmega5- - September 17, 2009 3:38 PM
:'(
17. bitter_cheez - September 17, 2009 3:38 PM
It takes a real man to beat a sloth to death. I agree it must be fake because the kids would have taken up close photos of its junk.
18. Dr. Nappy - September 17, 2009 3:50 PM
Have a heaping helping of FAKE.
19. Rhialto - September 17, 2009 3:52 PM
Are these Britney Spears 2007 pics?
20. sick to the power of who cares - September 17, 2009 3:53 PM
haha teens hangin out by a lake in BFK. I just wounder what they were up to? teen alcoholism....classic
21. GoSS Jerk now sterilized for your pleasure - September 17, 2009 4:34 PM
This is what i think Daisy and Naas's child would look like, and Stompy would want to be it's babysitter
22. Blastphemer - September 17, 2009 5:05 PM
Looks like ET to me...guess that b1tch won't be phoning home now!!! What up galactic @ssholes...want some more, or what?!?!?!
23. spoon platoon - September 17, 2009 5:19 PM
Woo, you posted something i sent you!!! yay
thanks for the recognition GW! keep up the good work
24. Fors - September 17, 2009 5:22 PM
This is why aliens don't come down to visit us. They already know we're going to screw up whatever first contact we make with any species.
25. naas - September 17, 2009 5:23 PM
looks like bacon
26. Me - September 17, 2009 6:04 PM
@24 i agree, probly already have messed it up a couple times tho, they learned their lesson...
27. Mrs. Milk - September 17, 2009 6:10 PM
@9:
me too. PM me.
28. BlackSamTX - September 17, 2009 6:41 PM
Not to ruin the violent fun, but beating the sh*t out of a helpless animal for no reason (i.e. food or fur) is just f*cked up. I love animals (read: they taste great), but this kinda sh*t is senseless.
29. VaultDweller13 - September 17, 2009 6:42 PM
@14
Yes! Quickly everyone, let's all grab torches and storm David Lynch's house for answers!
30. ciao - September 17, 2009 6:56 PM
even in death, no one can lick their elbow
poor thing. I would of kept it as a pet and named it "Julius Andreas Gimli Arn MacGyver Chewbacka Highlander Elessar-Jankov"
31. Mike - September 17, 2009 7:05 PM
@23
Way to drop your own name for internet street cred.
32. ackbar - September 17, 2009 7:17 PM
@28 I agree, I see nothing funny about this, it's not cool to beat the shit out of animals.
33. Tamara - September 17, 2009 7:26 PM
I agree witht he bong guys. For sure you would have a bong and trip out ova a fukt up creature.
Number #1 what kind of teenagers would throw rocks at a unkown thing like that? Now i know i would have been outa there as fast as anything not stay there and throw rocks and sticks untill it died!!!.. Come on guys this is all fake!
34. pedo pedro - September 17, 2009 7:42 PM
Kill us robots, kill us
35. russell - September 17, 2009 9:11 PM
Look up a photo of a sloth, then look at the picture.It's pretty clear it's just a poor harmless, for soem reason hairless sloth some deadbeat kids stoned to death.
36. Sean - September 17, 2009 9:13 PM
It's a dead sloth for god sakes!!! I'd say it's been dead for a while and floating in the salt water which caused its fur to fall off.
37. firefly_00 - September 17, 2009 9:23 PM
Hey i'm from Panama and I'm appalled at what those little f**ers did!
Mr. Mean, why do you hate Panama?
38. Margot - September 17, 2009 9:59 PM
Saddest shit ever. I feel bad for the little dude. Lost his hair and then got beat to death, how friggin unfortunate.
39. mims - September 17, 2009 10:19 PM
that's something scary lookin.. wow interesting how animals look without hair! kinda like mutated people..
40. Peppy - September 17, 2009 11:08 PM
yay! finally we have something g33k to show!! ;D, the "Golum" was Spoted on Cerro Azul and some guys just kill that shit :O but really? wth is that xD
41. yay - September 17, 2009 11:33 PM
it has titties
42. Tre B - September 17, 2009 11:49 PM
Oh My god they found my ex boyfriend
43. Billy Rapture - September 18, 2009 12:09 AM
This makes sense to me.
My father started going bald, and we beat the hell out of him.
=D
Yay!
Family bonding!
(Or not?)
44. Mimi - September 18, 2009 12:39 AM
I really hope this photo is a fake.
Beating a helpless animal for any reason is wrong.
I hope someone beats their naughty bits off with a meat tenderizer.
45. Wh1t3Kn1gh7 - September 18, 2009 1:32 AM
If this is not a hoax, then some important questions arise. A genetic experiment gone wrong? Who is responsible? What are the consequences?
46. Luis "Aces" Martinez - September 18, 2009 1:39 AM
That's some bull it doesn't matter if it looks dangerous If the lil guy wasn't rushin um they shoulda kick back to see I mean las ime I check if me and my friends are at a lake we are baked or drinking (not anymore I grew up) but still I think they were drunk and paniced or at least high and paniced so they did what any reasonably retarded pot head drunk would do stone it and not in the funny haha the creatures high stone I mean ow that's my ass your pelting with rocks stone. By the way that was a funny L.O.R. Reff. It gave me the best laugh ivE had in days
47. bcbcxcb - September 18, 2009 2:09 AM
don't know, once there was a sloth that killed several people in India:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sloth_bear_of_Mysore
48. Jaded Icon - September 18, 2009 6:55 AM
Come on guys! Kids in Panama don't have x-boxs or the internet. The only joy they get in life is beating it out of others with sticks. This animal had it coming. How DARE it cross their path!
49. hobocop - September 18, 2009 7:04 AM
Sorry Mimi, did you just say that you want to beat off their naughty bits?
50. Slothlover - September 18, 2009 8:11 AM
The kids should be beat to death. Sloths are my favorite animals.
51. Heather - September 18, 2009 8:13 AM
Thats so sad. It would be like an alien killing someone mentally retarded cause they were "Different".
Sloths are SO CUTE
http://blog.bekahbrunstetter.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/sloth.jpg
52. Tiff - September 18, 2009 8:31 AM
Im going with not a sloth not gollum, I think its a new animal god has created to keep life in the world... I think he made it strange and weird so we wouldn't kill ittt loke THEY did! but once ahain human kind doesn't care.
53. toscawoman - September 18, 2009 9:26 AM
;.( stupid kids
54. A guy - September 18, 2009 10:07 AM
how fast was this sloth going, they must've been trippin' balls to see it climb out of its hole and approach them.
55. hack_nug - September 18, 2009 10:09 AM
same freak?
http://img16.imageshack.us/img16/1500/wtfmq.png
56. Tony - September 18, 2009 10:45 AM
Some more cloverfield 2 viral marketing? haha clearly second film will be a comedy.
57. Joe BLow - September 18, 2009 12:56 PM
I knew this was a sloth the moment I saw it. Shape, location of eyes. Poor bastard looks cold and sad without his fur :(
58. ubflamed - September 18, 2009 1:01 PM
Um, those aren't his arms, those are his legs. And that's not his head...
59. Shera - September 18, 2009 5:53 PM
Man, I weep for the future.
WTF?? Why was the first reaction of these dumb-ass kids to beat the crap out of this poor, apparently albino creature? Way to go, parents! Someone should send them to work with PETA or the ASPCA as community service...
60. retard - September 19, 2009 1:05 AM
Oh, look, a bunch of american retards complaining about kids in panama, and calling for PETA. What to expect from a nation of biggest morons on earth? Did they complain when their president George Bush senior invaded Panama in 1989 pretending to "protect democracy and human rights" and killed 300 civilians? Did they complain at any time when their moron country overthrew the government of other countries in order to install their puppet regime? Do they complain when they moron presidents start "wars against terrorism" in order to plunder another nations for oil and other resources all over the middle-east? No, of course not. They are too ignorant to see how their nation of biggest assh0les on earth destroys the rest of the world for their selfish purposes and throws countries into poverty and chaos. But on the other hand they seem to have enough time to criticize uneducated children from countries they ruined and call PETA on them.
61. AG - September 19, 2009 12:59 PM
What assholes...
62. Jaz - September 19, 2009 3:52 PM
So where are all the marks from the sticks? I mean he has a very moist looking body, almost like some sort of salamander, any "beating" on a creature with skin like that would show, also there would be bits of stick (bark and dirt etc) stuck to the skin. I call fake
63. Megan - September 20, 2009 3:17 AM
@62.. I really wonder about the people that come on a site like this a post weird crap in the comments..
64. Shox shoes - September 20, 2009 9:32 AM
Shox shoes
65. treeperson19 - September 20, 2009 3:26 PM
@30, i can lick my elbow :]
66. Low Income Financial Help - September 20, 2009 10:57 PM
why is it hairless? some kind of rare disease? wonder if the kids shaved the sloth before stoning it to death?
67. who cares - September 21, 2009 8:24 AM
well if it was a sloth why would you kill it?
i think it has a cute face
little assholes need a azz wooping like they gave that poor creature
and i would be 1st in line to give it to them
68. Jason - September 21, 2009 11:45 AM
That first tag should read: A Man A Plan A Canal Panama
Just sayin...
69. Johnny Percebs - September 21, 2009 9:50 PM
That's no smeagol. No E.T. No Sid. It's probably a Pale-throated Sloth that have been dead for days, as we can see by its skin (no fur) and tongue.
70. andrea - September 22, 2009 12:33 PM
ewwwwwww i really hope thats fake b/c i would never wanna encounter that
EVER!=]
71. Emma - September 22, 2009 12:34 PM
I think it is so sad what those kids did to that poor creature! I don't buy that it was any kind of threat to them what so ever. What is the world coming to? Most normal people would just run away and leave it alone. Surely that should be deemed as animal cruelty and the kids dealt with appropriately.
72. DarkDeathRay - September 22, 2009 1:28 PM
How come it looks like it's made of plastic?
73. graf zeppelin - September 22, 2009 5:08 PM
kids are assholes. and sloth bears are not the same thing as sloths duh. god they were really brave bopping a toothless blind leaf-eater to death. it must have been fearsomely dangerous...
74. Mike Hawk - September 22, 2009 6:38 PM
ManBearPig...I'm super cereal you guy's!
75. eme - September 23, 2009 12:15 AM
stupid kids!!
76. Geekogee - September 23, 2009 6:02 AM
Must See!!!
http://alturl.com/obg7
________________
77. Bob Futal - September 23, 2009 7:55 AM
Stupid little bastards...
78. Dave - September 23, 2009 10:04 AM
@47 It's a sloth not a sloth bear you retard. Completely different animal.
79. Severium - September 24, 2009 5:37 AM
It looks like Sid having a snooze.
80. dytd - September 24, 2009 6:05 AM
FAKE!!!
Still, if it was alive, I bet it would say "My precious..."
81. Delgo - September 25, 2009 2:11 PM
Maybe it gave birth to the kids then died.
82. Dolemite Jones - September 25, 2009 2:47 PM
@ 62
Hey Retard! As an AMERICAN citizen, I'd like to write one sentence to you.
Go F@CK yourself, you Tree-hugging Hippie! You should be glad you don't live in America, because we'd kill you as well.
83. normal kid - September 26, 2009 9:31 AM
A creature that you have not seen before was coming towards you
your first instinct as a teen would be to defend your self
the kids werent posting the pictures to look cool they posted them cause they were curios what creature it was
i would have done the same thing
84. Neil - September 26, 2009 8:31 PM
@85
Fear then destroy what you don't understand, the first reaction of the truely ignorant.
I feel sorry for you.
85. Neil - September 26, 2009 8:39 PM
@84
Fear then kill anyone you don't agree with, the first reaction of the truely psychotic.
I feel sorry for you children.
Dolemite Jones click my name to feel right at home.
86. Superxcm - September 27, 2009 12:13 AM
We should shave and beat these teenageers with sticks.... Then take photo too... stupid retarded kid... Let's imagine if it was the first Alien contact on Earth...:
-" I come in peace..."
-" WTF!!! Beat him up!!! "
..... Peacefull planet IMHO....
87. G33Kw0rd - September 27, 2009 10:52 AM
How do these people know it's not a newborn baby sloth or whatever?
88. Colorless Rainbow - September 27, 2009 11:13 AM
It's easier to compare it with a sloth embryo. Google or click here: http://www.orble.com/images/animalembryo051.jpg
89. Gt0713 - September 27, 2009 9:59 PM
@84. Dude... First of all, Panama IS a part of America... Its amazing how wrong people are when using the term "American" as a nationality for people born in the United States... Because that would imply that the United States IS the American Continent, if we take the term literally. Every country has their own nationality according to their country. People from Panama are Panamanians, people from France are French, people from Japan are Japanese, yet people from the United States are calling themselves Americans??? That broken down means, belonging to America. Everyone in the American Continent belong to the Americas meaning they are all Americans as such. Let me tell you that that experience was horrific the one back in 1989. Bombs dropping from the skies, man slaughter and chaos everywhere. I think matters could have been handled differently... Think before you type, try getting into ones shoes...
Secondly @ 48 and @ 6. Those are your own opinions guys and I'm sure neither of you have been to Panama or really had the time to enjoy the place. It's a wonderful country to live in, this country has a lot of beauty and culture to offer as well. Even though Panama is a third world country, Panama's education is quite complete in the capital. Cerro Azul is located outside Panama's capital and outside education is not as complete, and this is probably because that is where the people limited economical resources reside and public schools out there lack structure and that would be the governments fault. Anyhow, the animal was killed by practically children... since when do children think before they act... in any country... I mean the United States has hill billies and they are not all that educated let me tell you. I've had the opportunity to speak with several "American" people and most don't even know what and where the states of their own countries are... when people down here even know. Panama is not a perfect country, but by no means is it ignorant or not worth the trip. In fact soo meny "Americans" and people from all around the world come to Panama to find a home and live in. It's a nice place, you just need to actually experience what Panama is about.
@ the sloth issue: I do agree with everyone here that it was a terrible mistake, I myself think it was wrong and that those kids should have left the creature alone. Yet, it's not fair to misjudge a country just because it's still part of the "third world"... Please think before you decide to talk about someone's home... As Panama is my home land, I know it's downfalls, as well as its strong points... and let me tell you... It's still a nice country.
- The only thing I don't like about Panama are people's attitude. People tend to try to get things the easy way, try to take advantage of any opportunity they get and are to lazy to do things the right way... But it's still a nice country. No regrets there...
90. boblane - September 28, 2009 6:28 PM
Gt0713
you take the term American far too seriously... it is after all the United states of AMERICA... would you rather us call it United Statesian? or ... something?
By your logic, it would make more sense to consider yourself as a north American... not just American. That is... if you want to follow the names of the continents instead of the country, which is what I think you mean.
In terms of Americans being ignorant.... Have you noticed the size of the country, or more accurately the population? It's a bold statement to say you've talked to "several" out of 300,000,000 Americans and call them all ignorant. That is, in fact, ignorant on your part.
91. James - September 28, 2009 9:59 PM
Wow, the things people believe. I can't believe all the posts where people show their ignorance by believing this. This is good work art-wise, but this was never alive. Come on, show SOME intellect. It's a story made to go along with the creature someone made. Nothing more.
Good work on the creature, though. Maybe a little more moistness around the mouth/tongue area.
92. jay - September 28, 2009 11:37 PM
Being a typical mammal baby sloths sometimes grow hair slow...it just hasnt grow it's hair in yet, barely even had it's eyes open. Sloths are not rare there, probably city kids that just had never seen one befor. Though i dont know why they would be afraid of something the size of a cat and slower then a turtle?...bet thats the lame @ss excuse made up after they beat the defenceless thing to death.
93. jnite - September 29, 2009 7:09 AM
.........hey come on people the kids did what kid could tdo .....
,....they must be high and then shave the creature and did his thing....and a group of boys I think can surely suck the life out of a creature like that ....just hope its not smigle....coz he has a brother.......lol,,
94. BobSmith - October 11, 2009 5:21 AM
The kids didn't kill it. If you have to cry for the sloth, cry for the poor, drowned, several days dead, waterlogged, and bloated sloth, that they found washed up on some rocks. This thing was dead long before they found it.
They lied, made up a story to get attention. They just found its bloated corpse.