Sep 1 2009I Must Have It!: Magical Unicorn Juice
Some guy on eBay recently sold the last jar of unicorn semen in the United States for $31 plus $3 flat rate shipping. If you were the buyer please contact me, as I must have some. *ahem* For science, for science (if I repeat things it makes them real).
This is possibly the only jar of Unicorn semen left in the united states.Unicorns were bred for their magic and keen night hunting skills to protect lepreachauns that had been injured in battle during the civil war. Unicorns were only found in two places on the planet, the northern and southern hemispheres. Anyone in possession of this rare and magical fluid will be able to swim with the wolves and fly with the dolphins as its powers are still being found.I opened the jar while i was on my computer and my computer flickered for a minute and i realized the semen had helped me kill Yogg-Saron on my World of Warcraft account and i recieved the Shawl of Haunted memories and the Mantle of the Wayward Conqueror. i have already been blessed and recieved my gift...so i'm going to pass the power onto someone else. Do not drink the unicorn semen as the power is too much for the human digestive system and could change your DNA and give you the shits. Bid, but Bid Wisely.
Do not drink, my ass. I have an iron stomach (and lung) and am gonna guzzle that whole jar like I'm shotgunning a beer. LASER VISION, YOU WILL BE MINE!
Thanks Chris, but if I found out you bought it and aren't sharing, well, that's just cruel. GIVE ME A SIP!
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Reader Comments
1. STOMPY - September 1, 2009 3:11 PM
Hey GW, fix it so I can make comments at work again!
2. naas - September 1, 2009 3:11 PM
looks a lot like the unicorn juice I can squeeze out
3. ridensmile - September 1, 2009 3:12 PM
Da gootch might need this...to fix his f ups
4. naas - September 1, 2009 3:12 PM
STOMPY!!!?@!HUIO!&H11!!!G!*^T&^G!KJSBUWBINCHUWAH
5. ædrian - September 1, 2009 3:17 PM
MAGICAL UNICORN MAYONNAISE!!
6. GoSS Jerk - September 1, 2009 3:18 PM
iz dat really you?
7. Dream - September 1, 2009 3:19 PM
It glowz!
wonder if it tastes like magic
8. Bodily Kluids - September 1, 2009 3:22 PM
My jizm cures polio.
It's just too bad no one has the s*** anymore...
9. GoSS Jerk - September 1, 2009 3:23 PM
This post is so gross on so many levels... my man juice is flourescent green and cool, must be the jagermeister crap from the cooler...
10. CJ - September 1, 2009 3:23 PM
Glitter glue, White lead based house paint, and household detergent.
This combination is highly unstable, thus it may render you a vegetable...
A Vegetable With LAYZOR EYES!!
11. Johnny B - September 1, 2009 3:25 PM
Can I gargle with it?
That looks just like the 'happy juice' that used to come out of Uncle Chuck's 'magic puppet' (which he always asked me to play with when he would baby sit me).
12. Dream - September 1, 2009 3:26 PM
@10
Yeah on the pictures on the bid page, its obviously detergent, but nice eye for seeing the rest of the stuff.
Lazur Eyes!
13. Chuey "The Rock 'n' Roll" Midget - September 1, 2009 3:30 PM
Really!!?!?!...Did you guys see the pics of him sticking his fingers in it! Really...
14. Timbo - September 1, 2009 3:35 PM
$31 for that and still going!?
Be sure to check ebay next week for Sasquatch semen!
(That's right I captured and breed yetis and sasquatches)
15. hedgehog - September 1, 2009 3:37 PM
So some guy jacks off into a bottle while playing WOW, and now decides to sell it.
The most disturbing part is that someone has bought it
16. GiNORMAGANTUAN - September 1, 2009 3:54 PM
COME ALL COME ALL SUCK ON MY DI' "AHERM!!!" I mean UNICORN HORN! it will give you the powers!!!!!!!! i promise! PEW PEW!!!!!!!
17. ham bone - September 1, 2009 4:03 PM
please i have drank twice that much unicorn jizm and it didnt do anything to me .... at least my frat brothers told me it was from a unicorn .... i have to go brush my teeth
18. Mr. cow - September 1, 2009 4:11 PM
Moo
19. Pat - September 1, 2009 4:11 PM
@2 Well, Unicorns are known for their virility.
20. GoSS Jerk - September 1, 2009 4:28 PM
♪ blackend is the end ♫
♫♪ the last unicorn sperm was downd by GiNORMAGANTUAN ♫
♫ blackened ♫ ♪
21. Yutzwagon - September 1, 2009 4:31 PM
Jesus, they'll sell anything on eBay... I can has some?
22. Iris - September 1, 2009 4:32 PM
this totally reminded me of something I've heard before:
Bad girls suck;
Good girls swallow
23. cool - September 1, 2009 4:33 PM
¶§▬↨↑↓→←∟↔▲▼3☻!"#$%&'(♂◙♂♀♥☺☻♦♣♠•◘○◙♂
24. Viperhawk - September 1, 2009 4:44 PM
Damn, gotta get me some so I can kill Yogg-Saron.
25. Johnny B - September 1, 2009 4:55 PM
@22
That reminds me.....
Q: What is the difference between "LIKE" and "LOVE"?
A: "SPIT" and "SWALLOW"
26. Fade - September 1, 2009 5:19 PM
I can drink it! My magical howling wolf shirt's magic will protect me!
http://fade-to-extra.mybrute.com
27. Leonidas - September 1, 2009 6:12 PM
Definition of "lepreachaun": a little Irish guy who sits on a pot of gold at the end of the pulpit. Also, where the hell is GFS?
28. lucky charms - September 1, 2009 7:54 PM
Oh, good. The market for unicorn semen is back again. You couldn't give this stuff away with the way the economy has been in the last 2 years. I've got a tanker truck full of this shit to get rid of. Just been using it as fertilizer for the lawn all summer.
29. Dream - September 1, 2009 10:22 PM
ROFL @28
I bet your lawn is the best looking lawn in the world.
30. Larrythefatcat - September 1, 2009 11:07 PM
I just love the fact that the auction states: "Unicorns were only found in two places on the planet, the northern and southern hemispheres."
That's the most awesome way to say that "Unicorns were friggin' everywhere" since that time someone showed me 'Cornify' and I kept on using it and saying "Unicorns are friggin' everywhere"... good times...
...well played, Uni-jism seller...
31. Betsy - September 2, 2009 12:23 AM
I love the disclaimer that it is too powerful and will give you the shits. LMAO!
32. Anthony - September 2, 2009 12:33 AM
@30:
Thank jeebus, I was seriously hoping someone besides me had noticed the "only two places, the northern and southern hemispheres!" remark.
Oh about the post... this is bullshit. I mean, unicorn-jizz. I'm gonna start saying that now in regards to things that are retarded.
33. Geekogee - September 2, 2009 7:01 AM
Must See!!!
http://alturl.com/obg7
________________
34. Jaded Icon - September 2, 2009 7:35 AM
So is this magical mayo? I heard they make great sandwiches with it.
35. Casper - September 2, 2009 8:40 AM
I found a great place~_____W e a l t h y S e e k e r ___~The best club for seeking the rich singles, sexy beauties and even hot celebs..I think everyone need to meet some miracle after all the terrible stuff in the news and the economy .
36. Daisy - September 2, 2009 10:48 AM
FAKE!!!!
This is a complete photoshop job. You can tell its a fake bacause the shadow's are all wrong.
This is exactly like that scene in the movie Never Back Down where Max beat off into a beer, and left it where one of his friends would drink it. Later Max asked him how it tasted.
37. Enflamed - September 2, 2009 11:48 AM
DONT BUY IT IT'S A SCAM. I bought some and all I got was the Star Wars Christmas special :(. i was robbed.
38. Marcus S. - September 2, 2009 2:49 PM
If i recall this is a complementary jar they leave in the Adult Arcades.
39. OutRunner1 - September 2, 2009 3:11 PM
@5: Robot Chicken! Use it to make sandwiches for your co-workers!
Wait, wait... It's been pulled...
40. lilchic315 - September 2, 2009 8:52 PM
Thats just f@#$n nasty , it probly either his sperm or his horses