Sep 3 2009'Gravity Tractor' May Prevent Us From Going Out Like The Dinosaurs (Read: In Style)
Apparently some people are worried that the earth might get struck by an asteroid at some point in time and screw up humankind's plans to eff this world up on our own. Yeah -- who invited you, asteroid?! So what do we do? Build a Gravity Tractor (suck it, John Deere!) to avert certain death. Bitchin'.
NASA's Near Earth Object program currently has 145 potentially hazardous asteroids on its list out of 1,062 objects larger than one kilometer in diameter, and 6,292 total discovered objects. What's all that mean? Well, that there's a lot of stuff out there that could potentially impact our planet -- some of it pretty big.
So instead of sending shuttle crews up at the last minute to blow an approaching asteroid up, British astronomers at the Astrophysics Research Centre are planning to build a 10-ton "gravity tractor" spacecraft that will influence the object's trajectory. The process would take some time -- a craft would have to be launched 15 years in advance to really have an effect -- but, once the tractor arrives, it'd hover close by an asteroid and gently guide it along a different path.
Listen NASA, I know we've had our differences in the past (I never touched that alien!), but I would like to volunteer to drive the Gravity Tractor. I have every reason to believe I'd be the perfect candidate: I have mowed my parents' yard several times and I only hit the fence twice and ran over a sprinkler. Also, I have a natural passion for heavy machinery, especially after drinking. You think about it.
Britain plans 'gravity tractor' to protect Earth from asteroids [dvice]
Reader Comments
1. ASIAN SENSATION - September 3, 2009 1:29 PM
FIRST!!!!! WHHOOOOOOOO
2. Moose Knuckle - September 3, 2009 1:30 PM
Intergalactic John Deer?
3. SmokingGirl - September 3, 2009 1:34 PM
Oy vey...and *sigh*.
4. Pew³ - September 3, 2009 1:39 PM
That's no moon...
It's a gravity tractor.
&
That's no gravity tractor.
It's STOMPYS balls!!!
5. naas - September 3, 2009 1:39 PM
STOMPYS nut has made impact
6. hmm - September 3, 2009 1:45 PM
So all you needed was a gravity tractor for the end of Final Fantasy VII?
7. henree - September 3, 2009 1:57 PM
I'll think about it. Did i mention i was the CEO of NASA?
8. Mak - September 3, 2009 2:04 PM
that's crazy
9. Genjuro - September 3, 2009 2:08 PM
It will be useless ... and SOOoooo fun to see that in the sky
10. spleu3ge - September 3, 2009 2:10 PM
this'll be cool until the 10 ton piece of shit falls back to earth killing a sea mammal
11. Hawk - September 3, 2009 2:21 PM
I'm sure the asteroid would be more then willing to wait 15 years for us to get to it! Right?
WTF!?
12. GoSS Jerk now sterilized for your pleasure - September 3, 2009 2:51 PM
stupid idea, had to be brits... that is why i left the place...
13. LSDiesel - September 3, 2009 2:53 PM
I hope an asteroid hits. And I hope it lands in Barack Obama's front yard.
14. Mr. cow - September 3, 2009 3:15 PM
Moo
15. squeehunter - September 3, 2009 3:40 PM
We've lost a lot of probes that were sent to Mars. They better be a little be more careful when it comes to this. Landing on it, or near it, and then using a bomb sounds much more reliable than hovering near it gently. You only need to push it a little bit. Even if it's close to earth, the earth is only 8,000 miles wide. The moon is 238,857 miles away.
16. omg, wtf ever - September 3, 2009 3:42 PM
Yeah. Uh, since it's called Near Earth Object (NEO) program, why the hell don't they just say their 'plan' is that they've got Keanu Reeves dressed up as NEO to matrix the shit out of that asteroid. It's all so clear to me now... I am the keeper of the cheese!!!
17. Tbreezey - September 3, 2009 9:29 PM
Perhaps it would be an Intergalactic Harvester.
Although in cases of the Apocalypse, I prefer to take James Dean's advice:
Live fast, die young, and leave a good looking fossil.
18. Finno - September 3, 2009 11:32 PM
I wanna see Kevin Bacon playing a game of chicken on the gravity tractor (right before he teaches everyone in town to dance). Woohoo!
19. Jaded Icon - September 4, 2009 7:06 AM
I won't believe this is possible until Hollywood makes a blockbuster movie out of it....
20. Jace - September 4, 2009 12:31 PM
Intergalactic Gravity Tractor Pull Competition FTW!
21. geekogee - September 5, 2009 6:18 AM
Must See!!!
http://alturl.com/obg7
________________
22. eron - September 6, 2009 11:28 AM
Thaat seems the Meteor from Final Fantasy VII
23. Nike NBA Shoes - September 11, 2009 11:55 PM
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24. Wh!$key - October 8, 2009 10:20 PM
I say, BRING IT ASTEROIDS!! We just happen to have a kick ass writer who rides dinosaurs and destroys volcano's!