Sep 15 2009Are You Out Of Your Damn Mind? Alternatively: Oh Helllllllll No: A Needle Wielding, Blood Sucking Robot
Can you count the number of things wrong in the picture above? If you answered, "every single one", congratulations, you are correct. You see, Bloodbot is a robot designed to stab you with a needle. And I think we can all agree: that is exactly NOT what Jesus would do.
The robot consists of an arm with a needle and a probe. In order to find an accessible vein, the robot probes around your arm until it finds an area of flesh that is a little bit less squishy than the rest. Then it jabs you with a needle, and when it feels a little pop indicating that it's punched through into a vein, it knows to stop the jabbage, lest it go right through the other side of your vein, out the back of your arm, and into your femoral artery, causing a massive amount of hemorrhaging that will no doubt kill you in minutes.
So far, the robot is accurate about 78% of the time.
Hell no. Helllllllllll no. I don't care if it's accurate 110% of the time, no robot is getting anywhere near these precious, alcohol filled veins with a needle. I'd rather stab myself in the heart with a cannonball. And not just because I'm a pirate, but I do love booty. Seriously -- back that thang up, wench!
Bloodbot Stabs You Like A Pro [botjunkie]
Thanks to Spikey DaPikey and qix, who once stabbed a pair of robots in the eyes with syringes full of acid and made them melt from the inside out. Nice, guys, I like your style.
Reader Comments
1. RockinPunk - September 15, 2009 12:17 PM
So far, the robot is accurate about 78% of the time.
Inspires so much confidence.
2. Mr. cow - September 15, 2009 12:18 PM
Moo
3. GoSS Jerk now sterilized for your pleasure - September 15, 2009 12:22 PM
That looks like t-virus in the syringe, where is the hologram with the cute little girl that wannt's to kill us all...
4. FIRST - September 15, 2009 12:25 PM
FIRST
5. Ollie Williams - September 15, 2009 12:27 PM
So 22% of the time it stabs you repeatedly until you die.
Sign me up.
6. Your Mom - September 15, 2009 12:30 PM
"Wait, there's a guy on our team dressed like a pirate?"
7. Omnias - September 15, 2009 12:32 PM
It can also be used in the assistance of using heroine lol
8. FAKE !!!! - September 15, 2009 12:34 PM
That's a fake arm in the picture....just saying !
Shadows look convincing though...which is always nice...
9. $.02 and a pocket full of FAH-Q - September 15, 2009 12:39 PM
8 - You're observant...
I'll take a shot from or have blood pulled by this thing when it hits 98% accuracy. It'll beat the hell out of a new phlebotomist practicing their "sticks" on my arm... I'm still scarred from some moron 20 years ago.
10. Dominck - September 15, 2009 12:41 PM
i dont even trust doctors with needles... now we got a blook thirsty robot.
11. Count Darcula - September 15, 2009 12:43 PM
"I vant to drink your blook"
12. Robot - September 15, 2009 12:47 PM
Ok I'm the one for Robots taking over but this article scared the fluids right out of me. There's NO WAY I would let that thing anywhere near MY synthetic blood veins without a fight to the death.
13. $.02 and a pocket full of FAH-Q - September 15, 2009 12:47 PM
11 - Quoting a twilight obsesses librarian?
Ba-Dum-tsh
14. $.02 and a pocket full of FAH-Q - September 15, 2009 12:47 PM
*obsessed
15. LSDiesel - September 15, 2009 12:50 PM
This isn't as disturbing to me as the 'Leading Abortion Provider' add on the top right is.
16. $.02 and a pocket full of FAH-Q - September 15, 2009 12:51 PM
15 - My ads are all for Time Warner Cable
17. Dream - September 15, 2009 12:52 PM
"the robot probes around your arm"
"Then it jabs you with a needle"
"right through the other side of your vein"
"out the back of your arm"
"causing a massive amount of hemorrhaging"
"will no doubt kill you in minutes"
Im still literally rolling on the floor laughing my ass off. Just the whole entire quote was funny.
18. Dream - September 15, 2009 12:56 PM
Oh, and on the botjunkie link, in the comments there, the 2nd one:
"They say that on each patient the test, “was not repeated, so as to avoid multiple scarring.”"
So it was actually tested on people and has scarred people... Going out the back of the arm...
ROFL!
19. Dishy Dishyington - September 15, 2009 1:03 PM
Could I use this to inject adamantium into my bone?
(And by "bone" I mean ...)
20. ciao - September 15, 2009 1:19 PM
They should call it Dr. Acula (Scrubs crack)
21. Goblin - September 15, 2009 1:28 PM
DESTROY IT...!
22. ham bone - September 15, 2009 2:25 PM
that thing is more scary then "johnny 5" the supposed lovable robot from short circuit ... and just like johnny 5 when you start to trust it it will rip your heart out via your anus (or drain your blood same thing) ... "johnny 5 is alive" .... i dont think so pew pew....
23. naas - September 15, 2009 3:46 PM
I couldn't comment on this post until now.
I can never see this being a reality without accurate scanning before penetration. There's no way a machine is going to judge the placement of everyone's individual vein layout by pressing the tip looking for a squishy spot, overweight people wouldn't stand a chance.
If the machine scanned & mapped your AV fistua accurately then MAYBE, but pressing for a squishy spot isn't medical grade procedure
24. Checo - September 15, 2009 5:18 PM
Robots, they are going to f*cking kill us D:!
http://ubergosh.mybrute.com
25. Purple Monkey Dishwasher - September 15, 2009 5:32 PM
It's only a matter of time before it also tattoos a bar code on your wrist and names you Not Sure.
26. Mr. Anderson - September 15, 2009 7:51 PM
"Jabbage" and "go right through the other side of your vein, out the back of your arm, and into your femoral artery, causing a massive amount of hemorrhaging that will no doubt kill you in minutes," do not go well with "robot [that] consists of an arm with a needle and a probe."
27. Mr. Anderson - September 15, 2009 7:52 PM
@25 Idiocracy, great movie =P
28. TetraShiva - September 15, 2009 9:36 PM
Dear God,
NO!!!
I would break that thing if it came anywhere near me.
29. kelehendros - September 16, 2009 12:05 AM
why is it taking blood out? i programmed it to inject the super cold virus i cooked up last week next to the western bacon loaf....uh oh...
30. Jaded Icon - September 16, 2009 6:49 AM
At this point I would volunteer to do it my god damn self.
31. Geekogee - September 16, 2009 7:27 AM
Must See!!!
http://alturl.com/obg7
________________
32. White667 - September 16, 2009 10:43 AM
How on earth would that find your vain?
33. rockbottom92 - September 16, 2009 1:38 PM
My dad is actually a phlebotomist a.k.a. the guy who draws your blood. He says that not even humans trained to do the job are 100% accurate so how could a robot be. Plus, this thing would try and take his job. KILL IT....DESTROY IT...BURN IT
34. Luis - September 16, 2009 3:34 PM
I love the fact that they used a rubber hand rather then a real one
35. nike running shoes - September 20, 2009 9:58 AM
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