Sep 30 2009 OMG, It's Got A Bomb!: The Terrorist Teapot

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Damn yeah two food related posts in a row. HUNGER CAN'T HOLD ME DOWN! Know what I'm sayin'? Jesus, I hope somebody does. Just one person even. I'm so tired of feeling alone. Anyway, a $39 terrorist teapot: the queen would not approve.

Think teapots are outdated and belong in your grandmother's kitchen? Think again. The Terrorist Teapot takes a threatening stance against anyone trying to mess with your perfectly brewed tea with a tea cosy that doubles as a balaclava. We can think of other uses for it... but you should probably reserve it for keeping the pot warm.

Personally, I love a spot of tea in the afternoon. And by tea I mean tea in the Jack Kerouac On The Road sense. I'm talking weed, damnit. Except I don't really smoke that shit because my mom is probably reading this (but I do so somebody get me high). Ha, what do you mean parents can read between parenthesis? LIES!

Product Site

Thanks to Guido B, who enjoys his tea with a side of "it fell off tha back of a truck".

Sep 30 2009 It's About Time!: A Dinosaur Serving Spoon

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I can honestly say I've never wanted to have sex with a bowl of noodles so bad in my entire life. Well, that's not entirely true.

Product Site

Thanks to Carolina, who only eats her pasta the way god intended: with Mario and Luigi.

Sep 30 2009 100% Badass: Monkey Island 2 Rendered 3D

This is a video of some of the scenery in Monkey Island 2 rendered in 3D using the Crysis engine. It is by far the most beautiful thing I've seen in recent history (not including that glimpse I caught of myself getting out of the shower Monday).

This video is an experiment done for fun. It demonstrates how original Monkey Island 2 backgrounds look and feel in a modern 3d game engine. The sets were built using Maya and then exported into Cryengine's Sandbox editor.

Was that not awesome? Cause it most definitely was. And in other Monkey Island news, the third serial in the latest Monkey Island series just dropped yesterday, so I've been playing it in between posts. A strong work ethic: I have one. Also, left hook. POW! Haha, you didn't believe me! Look at yourself, lying there bleeding, you oughta be ashamed! Unless you're a girl, in which case that was totally the guy behind me.

Project Site

Thanks to Martyn, who once killed a three-headed monkey and had it stuffed and mounted in his rumpus room.

Sep 30 2009 Bad Idea: American Girl Makes Homeless Doll

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You see that doll there? Her name's Gwen, and she's the latest release from the American Girl company. Plus, she's homeless. WTF!? Where's her 1991 Chicago Bull's NBA Championship shirt and mix-matched shoes?

For $95 -- more than your average homeless person would dream of spending on a rather mediocre baby substitute -- Gwen Thompson can be yours. A mixed message if ever there was one.


In the history books that come with every American Girl doll -- bringing to life these little monsters until impressionable little ones believe they are actual people -- you learn that Gwen's father walked out on the family. Her mother lost her job.

As the little kiddies learn to read about this doll as if she's a human being, one learns that, as fall turned into winter, Gwen's mom lost her grip.

Mother and daughter started bedding down in a car.

JESUS. Where's the part about her mom turning tricks in the backseat of that Buick in order to afford Gwen's dress? Just saying, those things don't grow on street lamps. And, as a guy who's no stranger to "bedding down" in the back of a car, trust me: they never really have free candy.

'Homeless' doll costs $95 (hairstyling extra) [nypost]

Thanks to Kristin, who once bought a heroin-addict doll but returned it when she found out it came with real used needles.

Sep 30 2009 Video Game Character Facebook Statuses

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These are a bunch of video game character Facebook status updates. I thought they were pretty cute. And if you haven't already, you should go join the Geekologie Facebook page to help convince my parents they're not the only ones that read this. Mom: I know most of the comments are you, you don't have to keep doing it (but you should if you really love me). And dad: for the last time, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE try to keep the flaming to a minimum.

5 Video Game Status Updates [collegehumor]

Thanks to Hayes, who, for the tip, get's a complimentary status update. Make it read, "Still cool".

Continue Reading " Video Game Character Facebook Statuses "

Sep 30 2009 You'd Be Better Off Making Your Own: Max's Wolf Suit From Where The Wild Things Are

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This is a reproduction of the wolf suit worn by Max in Maurice Sendak's iconic Where The Wild Things Are (soon to be a major motion picture!) manufactured by Opening Ceremony. I thought it was pretty damn cool until I saw they're charging $610. Now it's not. At all.

"by staring into their yellow eyes without blinking once", max was made the king of the wild things. you can achieve his look far more easily with max's iconic wolf play suit. identical to the one illustrated by maurice sendak and brought to life by spike jonze, our collaborative piece with the director features a super soft faux fur one piece with six brown buttons down the front, a snap off faux raccoon fur tail, attached fingerless gloves, and a hood with attached ears and a snap closure at the neck.

Yeah, I'm just gonna make my own, thanks. And by make my own I mean have one of you folks do it. Last time I tried making my own costume I woke up with my head sewn to the arm of the couch and a cat sitting on my cheek bare asshole. TUCK YOUR TAIL UNDER NEXT TIME, GOD!

Product Site
via
$610 Max Suit [buzzfeed]

Thanks to Stephanie, Carlos and jack, who all thought it was a bunny costume.

Sep 30 2009 Video Game Deletes Files Off Your Computer

Lose/Lose is a video game created by Zach Gage that plays like a traditional space shooter, but with a twist!

Lose/Lose is a video-game with real life consequences. Each alien in the game is created based on a random file on the players computer. If the player kills the alien, the file it is based on is deleted. If the players ship is destroyed, the application itself is deleted.


Although touching aliens will cause the player to lose the game, and killing aliens awards points, the aliens will never actually fire at the player. This calls into question the player's mission, which is never explicitly stated, only hinted at through classic game mechanics. Is the player supposed to be an aggressor? Or merely an observer, traversing through a dangerous land?

Why do we assume that because we are given a weapon an awarded for using it, that doing so is right?

I didn't actually bother reading all that because oh I dunno, I WAS TOO BUSY WHIPPING SOME ALIEN ASS! Unfortunately, the bug-eyed bastards got me in the end. Now, what happened to Photoshop?

Zach's Porfolio (game is available for download there)

Thanks to Luciano, who managed to kill all the aliens AND save the princess AND see Samus Aran naked because the man is a damn hero.

Sep 30 2009 Slings Let The World Know How You Did It

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This is a series of slings that lets the rest of the world know how you went and broke your arm. And as a guy who's broken his thumb once and arm twice, I've got to admit: it's never stopped me from still doing dumb shit all the time. High-five for never learning lessons! But seriously, now I've got a wonk-arm now with a giant metal plate and screws in it that sends shockwaves up my arm whenever I try to do push-ups. Which is EXACTLY why I don't work out. AND HELL YES I SET OFF AIRPORT METAL DETECTORS! Just like Luke Skywalker -- except I'VE never tried slipping my sister the tongue. Step-sisters don't count!

Illustrative Slings Show How That Arm Got Boned [gizmodo]

Thanks to Romeo, whose magnetic personality alone is enough to set off an airport metal detector.

Sep 30 2009 Massive Gallery Of Star Wars Cupcakes

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This is a large gallery of Star Wars cupcakes. Also there might be a cake or two in there, I can't remember. But you're going to look at them all. And not just because I spent all the time resizing and uploading them, but because they're precious. Like emeralds. And little babies. Geez, what is it with me and babies recently? I'll tell you -- I'm late. No, like late late. Please don't tell my parents! If they found out I was carrying a stuffed dinosaur's baby they'd kill me laugh their asses off and ask when I'm gonna move out of the basement already.

Hit the jump for 17 more of the intergalactic deliciousness.

Continue Reading " Massive Gallery Of Star Wars Cupcakes "

Sep 29 2009 Good Lookin': Steampunk Arcade Machine

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This is a steampunk arcade machine built from scratch by Dough Haffner, a 9 1/2 fingered carpenter (not unlike Jesus' father! No, not God. The other one). At least that's all he's lost! Because there's nothing worse than only being able to count to seven on all your fingers.

I thought I'd pass on a project I've been working on for a couple weeks. I am a Steampunk fan, to be sure...but also a fan of old horror films. I thought it would be fun to take both and combine them for a "MAME" arcade cabinet. You probably know what that is, but put simply it's an application that allows you to play arcade games (pac-man, donkey kong, etc) on a pc. By building a cabinet, you can get some of the feel and fun of the old days of playing video games at the local arcade. My cabinet combines some of the victorian elements found in steampunk with electrical mad-scientist designs from the man behind Karloff's Frankenstein lab(Strickfaden). I'm finishing up the Marquee (the machine name plate usually found at the top of a cabinet) and will post pictures of that soon....

Good looking, Doug. I don't care if you are missing a partial digit, you're alright in my book. Fun fact: I don't have a pinky toe on my right foot. Kidding, but it is broken all the time. So it's practically gone. And that, my friends, is what I blame for walking funny (but truthfully it's because one leg is longer and I stay drunk all the time).

Hit the jump for a couple more shots of the impressiveness.

Continue Reading " Good Lookin': Steampunk Arcade Machine "

Sep 29 2009 Super Mario 2 With Hardcore Commentary

NOTE: Video is NSFW due to language.

This is a video of some guy playing Super Mario 2 with running hardcore commentary. I thought it was pretty funny. And the couple of people that I sent it to thought it was pretty funny too. But hey, maybe you'll think it's stupid. That's cool, you can't please everybody. And trust me, I've tried. Remember that 2007 Geekologie Gangbang? There were a lot of you guys just standing around all awkward-like. Sorry.

Super Mario Bros. 2 played by someone Hardcore [poetv]

Thanks to JDarkside, who lives HER whole life hardcore cause that's all she knows.

Sep 29 2009 Limited Edition Timepieces From Tokyoflash

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This is a line of limited edition Casio watches available from Tokyoflash. Now I know what you're thinking, "Gosh, it's been forever -- I didn't think we'd eeeever see any more Tokyoflashes here on Geekologie." Well think again, suckers! Like a Phoenix, Tokyoflash is a fiery dragon created by Gaia to rise from a Japanese ashtray and aid Godzilla in ridding the world of our robotic overlords. And these designs, nowhere near as tricky to read as Tokyoflash's typical offerings, are perfect for those of you with special needs. I ordered the Cubic Puzzle model for myself. What? There's no shame in my special needs game! Now, help me tie this shoe, it's being tricky.

Product Page (one other limited edition model from Riki HERE)

Sep 29 2009 Death By Plastic: Gallery Of LEGO Monsters

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This is a small gallery of LEGO monsters made by various artists. They are all scary and might kill you. Sure they're really just a bunch of interlocking plastic bits, but has that ever stopped me from choking on them? No, it hasn't. The Hannibal Lecter style mask my mom makes me wear does. I WILL EAT YOUR FACE OFF! Just kidding. NO I'M NOT! Yes, I really am. PSYCHE, JUST PUT YOUR EAR BETWEEN THE BARS. DO IT NOW!

Hit it for the monsters, including a pretty sweet Predator bust.

Continue Reading " Death By Plastic: Gallery Of LEGO Monsters "

Sep 29 2009 She's So....Beautiful: How To Fix Your Baby's Misshapen Nog

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Let's be honest with ourselves: our children, when first born, are ugly and their heads are all smushed cause they just got squeezed through a vagina like the last of the toothpaste. And by "our" I mean "your" because I don't have any kids. But now there's hope for your little football-head thanks to Cranial Technologies. Basically they'll design a custom helmet for your child that exerts light pressure on their dome to mash that melon back into shape. Plus, they're fully customizable with stickers and paint! For a small fee, I'll even sign the thing like a cast. And for a large fee I'll whip anybody's ass that makes fun of your child's helmet. HELMETS ARE THE NEW HAIR, FOLKS, YOU WATCH!

Product Site

Thanks to Jordan, who was born with a perfect shaped head because he burst out of his mother's chest like an alien.

Sep 29 2009 I'm Not Sitting On It: Real Robotic Transformer

This is a real-life Transformer (OmniZero.9, the brainchild of Takeshi Maeda) that can morph from a humanoid robot to a humanoid robot that can carry a person, to a wheeled cart. Just watch how scary it is when it moves. If I didn't know better, I'd swear there was a little person in there. But there isn't! Just wires and servos and a metallic heart of death. Which, true story, only beats for the destruction of the human race. And speaking of which: One time I competed in a three-legged race solo.

Hit the jump for a video of the robot battling another, much smaller one.

Continue Reading " I'm Not Sitting On It: Real Robotic Transformer "

Sep 29 2009 Fight: Rainbow Brite Vs. Strawberry Shortcake

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This is a piece of handpainted art by Jude Buffum (prints available at his site) showing Rainbow Brite kicking Strawberry Shortcake's head off Mortal Kombat fatality style. There's another one of a Carebear (who I suspect is Tenderheart Bear) ripping Teddy Ruxpin's heart out after the jump. I especially liked that one. Because as many of you may know, Teddy was my first and last robotic lover. Yeah, I caught him trying to kiss my Spike plushie from The Land Before Time. Insight: you have some now.

Hit the jump for one more and a Big Lebowski print I liked as well.

Continue Reading " Fight: Rainbow Brite Vs. Strawberry Shortcake "

Sep 29 2009 It's About Time: A Bacon Of The Month Club

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Hell yeah a bacon of the month club. Truthfully, I only thought there was one kind of bacon (delicious), but what do I know? I'm just a man who has all his meals prepared for him by a non-robotic bartender. Anyway, for a staggering $315 you can join the Grateful Palate BOTM Club and get:

- A different artisan bacon delivered to your door each month for 12 months

- Informative notes on all bacon selections
- Discounts on The Grateful Palate bacon products and bacons
- Bacon of the Month Club Membership Card
- The bacon strip - our members only monthly bacon comic strip
- The Bacon of the Month Club Pig Ballpoint Pen
- A little Rubber Toy Pig
- One free Bacon Tee Shirt
- A recipe each month using the bacon selected
- Discounts on suggested wines and products in recipes
- And a pig nose!

Wow, I don't need half that stuff. How much for just the bacon, membership card and comic strip? Because I'm willing to go as high as $28. Just sayin', that's more than $2/month -- I don't even pay that in child support. Yay for aliases!

The Grateful Palate Bacon of the Month Club

Thanks to kyle, who should start a sexy of the month club cause damn he looks good.

Sep 28 2009 McDomination: Map Of McDonalds In The US

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This is a graphic representation of all the McDonalds restaurants in the United States. As you might be able to tell, there are a lot of them. Some might even say a McMillion. But they'd be wrong, because there's only 13,000.

This map is the brainchild of Stephen Von Worley, who got to thinking about the strip malls sprawling out along I-5 in California's ever less rural Central Valley: "Just how far can you get from generic convenience? And how would you figure that out?"


There are over 13,000 McDonald's restaurants in the US, or about 1 for every 23,000 Americans. But even market penetration this advanced doesn't mean that McDonald's is everywhere. Somewhere in South Dakota is the McFarthest Spot, the place in the US geographically most removed from the nearest McD's (*). If you started out from this location, a few miles north of State Highway 20 (which runs latitudinally between Highways 73 in the west and 65 in the east), you'd have to drive 145 miles to get your Big Mac (if you could fly, however, it'd be only 107 miles).

So you think the folks in Bumfack, South Dakota, are any skinnier than the rest of the population? Because I bet not. And no, this isn't me endorsing fast food. But one time I did find two onion rings in my fries at Burger King. Yeah, so who's the real king now? Gimme that crown, bitch!

413 - The McFarthest Place: 145 Mi to the Nearest Big Mac [strangemaps]

Thanks to Edminster and twellve, who only go to McDonalds when McRibs are in season.

Sep 28 2009 Video: 100 Youtube "Greatest Hits" In 3:24

This is a video montage of 100 of Youtube's "greatest hits" in a scant 3:24. I recognized most of them, but there were some I hadn't seen before. And those, my friends, were the sucky ones.

NOTE: It's best to stop after the Leroy Jenkins clip. It's all downhill from there.

Youtube

Thanks to Harry, who was responsible for at least 10 of Redtube's greatest hits.

Sep 28 2009 I Would Ride In That: Super Luxuriant Brabus Mercedes-Benz Viano Lounge/Mobile Office

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This is the interior of the 2010 Brabus Mercedes-Benz Viano Lounge. As you can see, it has everything a person could want in a van. Except little kids. I'm looking at you, pederast!

Aside from its 426hp 6.1L V8 engine, the 2010 Brabus Mercedes-Benz Viano Lounge features a 32-inch LCD, two Sony VAIO laptops, a PlayStation 3, Nespresso machine, and even a Vertu Constellation phone. Unfortunately, this is just a concept...for now.


"Two power comfort seats provide maximum comfort for both rear passengers. Similar to long-distance flights in business class both seats can be reclined to full sleeping position at the push of a button."

I, for one, would not be ashamed to be driven around in this thing. I don't care if it looks like a soccermom mobile from the outside, I would totally hang out in the back and get my business on. And by business, I quite literally mean business. I've got money to make, son, no time for hanky panky! Mobile counterfeiting lab FTW.

Hit the jump for a couple more shots.

Continue Reading " I Would Ride In That: Super Luxuriant Brabus Mercedes-Benz Viano Lounge/Mobile Office "

Sep 28 2009 Stop Smoking The Pew Way: Laser Cessation

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Apparently laser therapy has been in practice for awhile, but did you know it could help you stop smoking? I didn't. I'm gonna put the pole down forever! Kidding -- I can't quit you!

* We highly recommend you stop smoking 1-hour prior to your session. (Not required)

* Therapy will take place with a laser technician who will gently stimulate acupuncture points, primarily on the hands, face and ear.
* During the session the emotional and psychological aspects of quitting smoking will be addressed.
* During and after treatment you'll feel relaxed, comfortable and peaceful. There is no pain associated with the treatment.
* Afterwards you'll be able to go back to your normal activities. Most notable effects occur between 18-24 hours after the treatment.
* In general, it takes the average smoker 3-4 days to rid the body of nicotine or its by-products after stopping.

So basically it's acupuncture with a laserbeam. Sounds kind of suspect to me. But who knows, maybe it works. Anybody quit smoking something (anything -- I don't care what) this way? Also, what the hell's about to happen in that picture -- butthurt smoking cessation? Cause that sounds promising.

Product Site

Thanks to Trevor, who actually smokes laserbeams because he's that hardcore.

Sep 28 2009 Sadness: LEGO House Gets Demolished

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The LEGO house built by James May for his BBC program Toy Stories was recently demolished after nobody stepped forward to buy and preserve the plastic abode. I would have, but I don't have the money. Or pants (pants? where I'm going I don't need pants). I'm going back to the past! Anyway, this is a little gallery of the demolition. Allegedly the blocks (which were actually donated by LEGO) are going to be used for charity builds in the future. So yeah, that's a silver lining. But not a silver panty liner! Which, haha, HORF HORF HORF HORF HORF.

Hit the jump for several more shots of the sadness.

Continue Reading " Sadness: LEGO House Gets Demolished "

Sep 28 2009 Crazy: Lockheed Martin's Samurai Monocopter

Monocopters are single-bladed airfoils, best known for falling from maple trees as whirligigs. But this is a radio controlled version developed by Lockheed Martin that actually flies UP instead of only down. I predict robotic versions in the future with really, really sharp blades on them.

Eventually, the SAMARAI project was supposed to produce a nanomonocopter (?) about the same size as a seed pod (on the order of 1.5 inches long and 10 grams in weight), driven by a miniature rocket or jet thruster, able to send back streaming video (that was stabilized somehow), autonavigate, and deliver a 2 gram payload up to a kilometer away. The big version in the video above was a testbed to help engineers figure out just how to get this thing to fly in a stable and controllable manner.

Forget helicopters and monocopters, what ever happened to good old fashioned jetpacks? Because jetpacks, as my Magic 8-Ball just confirmed, are the wave of the future. Just saying, you ever made love to a girl who was wearing one? Don't do it from behind.

Lockheed Martin SAMARAI UAV Scares Me [botjunkie]

Sep 28 2009 Eat Your Peas: Construction Equipment Flatware For Kids (And Shameless Adults)

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This set of Constructive Eating Kids' Utensils costs $20 but some of the proceeds go to funding health services for children. So that's cool. Plus, heavy machinery, how can you go wrong? BEEP BEEP -- back that thing up and dump some mashed potatoes IN MY MOUTH!

Transform mealtime into an educational, interactive construction zone! Construction-vehicle shaped fork, spoon, and pusher-scoop set makes learning to self-feed a fun activity.


* All materials FDA-approved, PVC/Phthalate/BPA-free
* Vibrant colors are stimulating and captivating
* An asset in the development of hand-eye coordination
* Dishwasher-safe
* Paint-free, lead-free

Okay, so they were really fishing for product attributes. When lead-free becomes a sellable product attribute for UTENSILS, you know you've hit rock bottom. That said, how much you want to bet that a study comes out soon touting lead is actually beneficial to a child's development? Trust me, these things are cyclical. Also, I make fake studies.

Product Site

Thanks to Miss Bowser, who feeds her father, King Koopa, with an airplane spoon made from a real airplane.

Sep 28 2009 Not Just For Vampires: Blood Energy Drink

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Blood Energy Potion is a $6 energy drink (availableJanuary 2010) that was made to look -- and have the same nutritional value -- of real blood. That's pretty gross.

"The fruit punch flavor packs 4 hours of energy along with iron, protein, and electrolytes. Not only does Blood Energy Potion have a similar nutritional makeup to real blood, but it has the same color, look, and consistency of blood. Get real blood nutrients without that real blood taste! The re-sealable transfusion bag style pouch provides the convenient delivery of fluids for vampires and humans alike! Contains no real blood, just synthetic! "

Pfft, forget synthetic blood. I drink the real deal. ISN'T THAT RIGHT, MY FALLEN ENEMIES?! Say, none of you had AIDS, right?

Product Site
via
Blood Energy Drink [likecool]

Thanks to Ste, who is holding out for a bile energy drink. HORF.

Sep 27 2009 Scientists To Pull Pictures From Your Brain

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I know for a fact the government can pull images from a person's brain because they've been probing around in my dome for years, messing with the delicate ecosystem up there. And one time when I was being interrogated I saw a picture of a dinosaur in an agent's file folder, SO I KNOW. Anyway, apparently they've decided to make the technology public knowledge.

Having modeled how images are represented in the brain, the researchers translated recorded patterns of neural activity into pictures of what test subjects had seen.


To construct their model, the researchers used an fMRI machine, which measures blood flow through the brain, to track neural activity in three people as they looked at pictures of everyday settings and objects.

As in the earlier study, they looked at parts of the brain linked to the shape of objects. Unlike before, they looked at regions whose activity correlates with general classifications, such as "buildings" or "small groups of people."

Once the model was calibrated, the test subjects looked at another set of pictures. After interpreting the resulting neural patterns, the researchers' program plucked corresponding pictures from a database of 6 million images.

Soon, everyone will have a photo printer in the back of their head to print off worthwhile images they've seen. Me? I already have one. Don't believe me -- check this stack of pictures. What? Don't act like you've never seen a dinosaur penis before!

Brain Scans Reveal What You've Seen [wired]

Thanks to Anit, who can read minds like comic books: with incredible difficulty.

Sep 27 2009 Sure, Why Not?: Paperboy The Movie Trailer

We featured a video of Paperboy in real life earlier this week, and we're wrapping it up with a video of Paperboy: The Movie. It's a lot more dramatic than the other one. And before you ask -- yes, it made me cry. Thankfully, I cry diamonds. I'm rich, peasants!

Youtube

Thanks to Sara, who doesn't read analog papers because that shit's too oldschool for her. And Jon, who actually made the movie (cast me! cast me!).

Sep 27 2009 Mobile Bar: Beer Bike Totes Two Kegs, Pizza

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The Beer Bike was designed and created by Hopworks Urban Brewing of Portland, Oregon, and features two kegs and taps, plus a hot pizza storage unit. Impressive, but I can't even imagine pedaling two full kegs of beer around. I mean, those bitches are heavy. Sure, I've dated three-keg girls before, BUT I NEVER OFFERED THEM RIDES ON MY HANDLEBARS, NOW DID I?! I didn't. I demanded piggybacks!

Beer Bike! [mostlyhere]

Thanks to Kevin, who built a bike with an actual mobile brewery on the back.

Sep 25 2009 Whee!: Beer Blaster Shoots Beer, Soda

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The Beer Blaster is a $23 beer/soda pistol available from ThinkGeek that punctures a shaken can and uses the carbonation to blast your enemies with sticky sodie (or a friend's open's mouth with delicious beer) from up to 10 feet. Also, who would have thought that Harry Potter would turn from a life of magic to a life of contributing to the delinquency of minors on the playground? Didn't see that one coming! Or did I? I totally did.

ThinkGeek Product Site
via
Beer Blaster [likecool]

Thanks to Ste, who once shot himself in the face with a keg and was the life of the party. But did you wear a lampshade and piss in the stove?

Sep 25 2009 THERE IS NOTHING OKAY ABOUT THIS

This is a video of the government's latest flying cyborg beetles in action. That's right, ACTUAL LIVE beetles being remotely controlled via implanted electrodes. Just wait till the government gets its hands on you!

"We demonstrated the remote control of insects in free flight via an implantable radioequipped miniature neural stimulating system," the researchers reported in their new paper for Frontiers in Integrative Neuroscience. " The pronotum mounted system consisted of neural stimulators, muscular stimulators, a radio transceiver-equipped microcontroller and a microbattery."


The research, supported by the Pentagon's Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, is part of a broader effort, called the HI-MEMS program, which has been looking specifically at different approaches to implanting micro-mechanical systems into insects in order to control their movements.

OH HELLLLLL NO. You show me one person who thinks this is okay and I'll show you a got-damn freedom hating communist. Just sayin', I saw that sickle and hammer tattoo!

Video: Pentagon's Cyborg Beetle Takes Flight [wired]

Thanks to Danny, Mycropht, Bo, Mike, Zach, Jason, Peterman and TobyRaider, who already have government chips implanted in their brains that make them irresistible to women. WHERE WAS I ON THAT, THE MAN?!

Sep 25 2009 Force Choke (And Spit Up): Baby Vaders

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Apparently these costumes have been around for a while now but I didn't know because I don't have any business shopping for Darth Vader baby get-ups (I just sign the child support checks). But Geekologie Reader Tengku Edzuan decided to take a different approach to child rearing and bought this costume for his son. That's him there. Cute, huh? BUT DON'T EVEN THINK FOR A SECOND HE'S NOT ALL DARK SITH LORD, because he 100% is. I heard one time he caught a stuffed animal eying his binky and Force choke-slammed that sucker into a pile of alphabet blocks. Brutal!

Barf Vader [edzuantengku]
and
Product Site

Sep 25 2009 They're Hugging Me!: Teddy Bear Jacket

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This is a jacket made out of teddy bears from artist/designer Sebastian Errazuriz (who also brought us the zipper dress). I like it, it looks really comfortable. Now I know what you're thinking, "I bet that son of a bitch GW still sleeps with a teddy bear!" AND SO WHAT IF I DO? I bet yooooou still sleep with your parents! Kidding, I'd know if you did. HIYO! Your dad's a snorer.

Hit the jump for a couple more sexy shots. I can't help it, I love bears!

Continue Reading " They're Hugging Me!: Teddy Bear Jacket "

Sep 25 2009 Looks Promising: Halo Anime Series Preview

Here are a couple video previews of the upcoming Halo Legends anime series due out later this fall. I thought they looked okay. I mean, it's no Cowboy Bebop, but then again, THERE'S NO DOG NAMED EINSTEIN (I'm partial to dogs named Einstein, you see. Especially scruffy ones!). So yeah, what do you guys think? Excited? Indifferent? Would you rather watch paint dry? Or would you rather watch me eat lead-based paint chips? CAUSE I WOULD DO THAT FOR YOU!

Hit the jump for another one, which is mostly horn-tooting for the people who made it.

Continue Reading " Looks Promising: Halo Anime Series Preview "

Sep 25 2009 Oooh, Pretty!: Conceptual Glass Rubik's Cube

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This might be what a Rubik's Cube would look like if it were made out of glass. Except mine would be sharper because I shattered that bitch on my head like an empty beer bottle. WHO'S TOUGH?! Not me, I just drink too much and stop feeling. That said, I feel like no matter what side you're looking at on this thing it's gonna appear brown. Everyone's a winner! Except me. I always lose. My house keys. Call the paramedics, I'm gonna break another window!

Glass Rubik's Cube Looks Groovy! [walyou]

Sep 24 2009 For The Ladies: This Ridiculous-Ass Shoe

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Yes, that's a shoe. And it's ridiculous looking, isn't it? I know -- what's the matter with flip-flops? I don't get it either. YES I'M JUST JEALOUS!

And a high heel shoe at that. Designed by London architect Julian Hakes, the Mojito shoe is made of carbon fiber--to give it strength and spring--and laminated with rubber on the bottom and leather--from furniture manufacturers in High Wycombe, England--on top.

I can't even begin to imagine how you put that thing on. You could lock me in a room with a pair of these for an hour, and when you came back and I've one have on dangling from an ear and a high-heel sized bulge in my shorts. Yeah, I'd be waving it at ya.

Wait, This Is a Shoe? [gizmodo]

Sep 24 2009 Pop Art Paintball: Marilyn In A Minute

Sure this might not be as impressive as creating a paintball Mona Lisa in a split-second, but it's still pretty neat (skip to 0:40 for the action). And speaking of neat, it's the only way I drink my bourbon. I don't need your newfangled ice!

Youtube

Thanks to Rodrigo, who once paintballed his way out of a wet paper bag. But you had scissors in your hands, bro! You could have saved the ammo. You'll never survive the zombie apocalypse!

Sep 24 2009 But It'll Scare All My Garden Gnomes Away!: Super Mario Piranha Plant Lawn Ornament

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DeviantARTist Kalupsa went and made an incredibly detailed (and frightening) Super Mario Piranha Plant lawn ornament out of modeling clay. And I think we can all agree, it's scary as shit. I sure as hell wouldn't water it, if you know what I mean. I'm talking about try to piss on it. NOT a good idea.

Hit the jump for a couple more shots and a video of how it was made.

Continue Reading " But It'll Scare All My Garden Gnomes Away!: Super Mario Piranha Plant Lawn Ornament "

Sep 24 2009 Be Like Obama: Pac-Man Laptop Stickers

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AAAAHH, HE'S POINTING DIRECTLY AT MY SOUL! But that's not the point, the point is that there's little Pac-Man looking sticker (which I'm pretty sure is actually a Chain Chomp sans chain) on the president's MacBook Pro. And now you can have one just like it for the low, low introductory price of $3 (or 5 for $12)!

These Pacman stickers in dark blue are now available for sale from Obama Pacman! Works on your Apple laptop, including MacBook, MacBook Pro, MacBook Air, your Apple desktop, including iMac, Mac Pro, and maybe even a Mac Mini. These high quality stickers will also work for PCs and almost anything else you can get your hands on.

OMG, Pac is headed right for that apple! Don't eat it, Pac, DON'T DO IT! *om nom nom nom* Thanks a lot jerk, now we have to leave the garden. Say -- think you could get the missus to flash us all before we go?

Product Site

Sep 24 2009 Remove The Knuckles And The Fingers Will Die: Hardcore Zombie Tattoo

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Wait, so does that mean he IS a zombie? Beause it doesn't say '#1 zombie slaya', it just says 'zombie'. Who knows, maybe he didn't have enough fingers for all that. Or brains. Get it? Zombie joke!

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Thanks to Emma, who once brained a zombie with a frying pan and didn't even lose the eggs she was cooking. Over-easy, Emma.

Sep 24 2009 Video Game Reality: Paperboy In Real Life

This is a video of the Atari classic Paperboy, but in real life. It's a little longer, and I know most of you have ADD (I'm right here with you), but it's definitely worth a watch while on the clock. Plus, the guys who made it are loyal Geekologists, and you know how I feel about you readers -- I love you all like little sisters! You know, from Bioshock. I'll harvest every last one of you!

Youtube
and
Funnyordie

Thanks to D_rock and cooperanimation, who don't need paperboys because they only read Geekologie. Smart. Plus you're saving trees!

Sep 24 2009 I'd Rock That, INTO BATTLE: Ecko Unlimited Master Chief Hoodies

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Looking to expand their line of geek-wear, Ecko Unlimited is releasing this $88 Master Chief hoodie just in time for cooler weather. Good thing too, I'm tired of setting myself on fire!

Brand new, limited edition Halo 3 hoodie from Ecko makes a great gift for your favorite gamer. Color-blocked hoodie is zip-front with nylon welt pockets and nylon overlay over fleece. Velcro(R) close hood with self-welt pockets, rib knit sleeve cuffs and hem.

I, for one, would wear the hell outta that thing. And I'm not just saying that cause it'll compliment my cardboard Halo arsenal so nicely, but that's part of it. *pew pew* *bang bang* *rat-a-tat-tat!* What do you mean I can't get on the bus like this?! Mr. Driver -- PREPARE TO BE BAGGED!

Product Site
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halo odst hoodie protects against cold, not orbital drops [technabob]

Sep 24 2009 Geometric Cans Look Cool, Prevent Rolling

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Conceptualized by Dzmitry Samal, these new Coca-Cola cans would be manufactured using impact extrusion and not roll off the counter should one fall over. But I've got news for you: if you knock a Coke can over you've got bigger problems than whether it's rolling. Namely, you're losing valuable mixer. You see, I'm an alcoholic. I kid, I kid -- I don't use mixers.

Redesigned Coke Can Won't Roll Off the Table [gizmodo]

Sep 23 2009 Beautiful Shot Of The Pinwheel Galaxy

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The Pinwheel Galaxy (higher res version HERE) got its name because it looks like a pinwheel. Geez, it doesn't take a rocket surgeon to figure that one out. Or maybe it's cause it loves Little Debbie Pecan Spinwheels so much. Well guess what -- so do I! And Starcrunches? Don't even get me started!!

This new three-color composite image was captured by the Isaac Newton Telescope in La Palma, Spain.


Known more officially as Messier 101 or NGC 5457, this classic spiral galaxy is 27 million light years from Earth in the Ursa Major constellation, also known as the Big Dipper. Its slight asymmetry is thought to be the result of an encounter with another galaxy in the recent (astronomically speaking) past. This event also left many huge clouds of glowing gas and plasma known as H II regions.

Though the galaxy, which measures 170,000 light-years across, is visible with the naked eye as a fuzzy spot, large telescopes are needed to see any detail.

You know what I love most about outerspace? I heard it's super quiet. Haha, what do you mean, "space is a vacuum"? Those things are loud as shit!

The Pinwheel Galaxy Captured in Dazzling Color [wired]

Sep 23 2009 Sure, Why Not?: Neon Tetris On Skateboards

This is a video of 36 skateboarders playing a game of human Tetris on some hill in San Francisco while wearing giant neon shapes on their heads. Except it's not actually Tetris because not all of them are rocking tetrominoes. No, some of those mothers got damn pentominos on their heads. And I'm not talking the little red bits in olives! But, damnit, now I want olives. Shit, and some artichoke hearts. Fun fact: Jesus once turned an olive branch into a magic wand and banished hate from an evil sorcerer's heart. Then he did the water into wine thing and everybody had a good time. Plus, there was live music. You can't beat that.

Youtube

Thanks to Duncan, who once tried playing Frogger on a skateboard and lost.

Sep 23 2009 Help A Brother Out: Geekologie Reader Seeks Manufacturer For Gaming-Inspired Furniture

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Loyal Geekologie Reader (or giant liar) Kristian Aus is an Australian designer currently seeking a manufacturer for some of his video game inspired furniture. This is a stool inspired by the Pac-Man ghosts, and there's a Space Invaders table after the jump. Good looking, Kristian. I like how the designs are obviously inspired by the games but not so much to warrant paying royalties. So yeah, contact Kristian through his website if you're into molded plastics. But if you're into molded sandwiches, you gotta check out the fridge. That ham and cheese looks hairy! $1 if you take a bite.

Hit the jump for the Space Invaders coffee table.

Continue Reading " Help A Brother Out: Geekologie Reader Seeks Manufacturer For Gaming-Inspired Furniture "

Sep 23 2009 I Want To Ride One Into Battle: Coyotes And Wolves Are Breeding, Creating 'Coywolfs'

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Seen here sulking because his likeness didn't make the Three Coywolf t-shirt, is a coyote/wolf hybrid. Personally, I would have named them wolfoties, but that's because I'm awesome. Oh, wait, per Wikipedia: "Where the cross-breeding of animals is concerned, the father's species gives the first part of the offspring's name." I don't know if that has any bearing on this or not, but I'm trying to be scientific (look at my lab coat!).

New DNA evidence reveals that coyotes have bred with wolves in the the northeastern United States, turning mice-eating coyotes into much larger animals with a hunger for big prey, such as deer.


The resulting "coywolves" may, however, benefit ecosystems, since they appear to be filling niches once occupied by wolves that were eradicated by humans.

Given where these animals came from and the degree of documented genetic diversity, the researchers can tell that a few coyote females mated with male wolves north of the Great Lakes.

BOOYA -- WHO WAS RIGHT!? I just thought they should be wolfoties because it sounds sweeter, but now there's actual reason! God, am I good or what? Just saying, I also name babies. And that tune.


Coyote + wolf = new breed of predator
[msnbc]

Thanks to fdsy, who breeds lion/panther hybrids and makes really cool armor for them.

Sep 23 2009 Yikes!: Pee Wee's Playhouse Action Figures

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Just looking at this $140 set of action figures makes me question what the hell my parents were thinking letting me watch such a wack-ass program as a child (I suspect they were thinking "booze time!"). I mean, it's pretty amazing I still turned out alright. Somebody, anybody, back me up here.

The 80's classic Pee-Wee's Playhouse is back with this line of action figures. The case of 14 pieces includes the following characters: 6x Pee Wee Herman, 3x Cowboy Curtis, 3x Miss Yvonne, 1x Pterri, and 1x Puppetland (Subject to change). These figures are highly detailed and must have for any Pee-Wee fan. Comes in retro-packaging to further the retro feel.
Wait, what? What the hell am I gonna do with 6 damn Pee Wee Herman dolls? 3 gay Cowboy Curtises, sure (I can't quit you!), but six Pee Wees? No thanks. Also, you notice Pee Wee's hand there on the left? Not a coincidence.

Product Site
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Pee Wee's Playhouse Action Figure Case [walyou]

Sep 23 2009 Wow: AT&T Predicted The Future In 1993

This is a montage of AT&T commercials from 1993 that basically predict the future with 100% accuracy. Now I'm not suggesting somebody at AT&T ripped the space-time continuum, BUT THEN WHERE DID THIS FLYING DELOREAN COME FROM?! AT&T, you have some splainin' to do. GIMME THE SPORTS ALMANAC!

Youtube

Thanks to K.T., who is going places roads aren't needed.

Sep 23 2009 You've Got To Be Kidding Me: Laptop Burka

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Hot on the heel's of last year's highly lucrative Laptop Poncho comes this Laptop Burka. What is a Laptop Burka? A $17 sheet you put over your head while computing outdoors to prevent sun glare.

The new Laptop Burka lets you work and play on your laptop without the glare of sunlight or stares from uninvited strangers. Laptop Burka lets you work or watch movies in your own portable private space, and its made from high-quality, breathable, lightweight fabric. Take it anywhere, anytime. No more eye straining or battery draining from glare. Take your Laptop Burka to the pool ... the patio ... the park ... ANYWHERE!!

Just look at the guy in the picture. Do you really want to be that guy? If you answered, "damn yeah!", high five -- so do I! I just wish they came in pink :(

Product Site
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'Laptop Burka' may be the most useless product ever [dvice]

Sep 23 2009 R2-D2, Gaming Droid Has Eight Consoles Packed Inside His Tummy, Head Projector

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Popular Science reader Brian De Vitis (truth in Brian) went and stuffed eight different gaming consoles into a life-size model of R2-D2. Can you name all of them? Because I can. I'm just not going to because I don't feel like it. SO THERE. I love wire tangles!

Hit the jump for a shot of R2's insides. Also, first one to name all eight systems doesn't win a prize. These are not the consoles you're looking for!

Continue Reading " R2-D2, Gaming Droid Has Eight Consoles Packed Inside His Tummy, Head Projector "

Sep 22 2009 Coppers Stop To Play Wii During Drug Bust

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Admittedly, Wii Bowling is pretty addictive, but I sure as hell wouldn't stop to play some if I was a drug task force member in the middle of a bust. I'd be too busy stuffing a duffel bag full of free drugs!

With guns drawn and flashlights cutting through darkened rooms, Polk County undercover drug investigators stormed the home of convicted drug dealer Michael Difalco near Lakeland in March.


As investigators searched the home for drugs, some drug task force members found other ways to occupy their time. Within 20 minutes of entering Difalco's house, some of the investigators found a Wii video bowling game and began bowling frame after frame.

While some detectives hauled out evidence such as flat screen televisions and shotguns, others threw strikes, gutter balls and worked on picking up spares.

"It was an expansive scene, a lot of searching to be done, a lot of waiting," Boatner said.

The raid cost taxpayers more than $4,000.

Wow, I don't even know what to say. Except I call next! OOH OOH -- let's tape somebody's pistol to the Wiimote first! Come on, I'll let you tase me if I bowl two strikes.

Polk undercover drug investigators play Wii during raid [tbo]

Thanks to Chip, who wouldn't halt a drug bust for anything short of a full-fledged LAN party.

Sep 22 2009 Crazy $80,000 Projection Pool Table System

This is a projection system designed to work with a pool table that creates all sorts of crazy animations while you're trying to sink your balls. I want one pretty badly, but not $80K badly. It doesn't even come with a table!

In addition to this setup, where the balls reveal an image hidden underneath, you can also set it up to have flames track behind the balls, or water that ripples as the balls pass over it. It's a pretty awesome trick, one that works surprisingly smoothly.


They're working on new software that will make it more useful than flashy, too. Imagine playing pool and having the lines where you should shoot projected down on the table, with a computer doing all the math necessary to show you just where to aim and how hard to hit.

Hell yeah, doing all the math necessary. Where the hell was this system when I was taking geometry? Because my calculator watch didn't do shit. I've been in 11th grade for 13 years!

Obscura CueLight Pool Table Is $200,000 Worth of Fancy [gizmodo]

Thanks trail mix, I love your butterscotch chips!

Sep 22 2009 Toy Teaches Children About Life And Death

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Now I'm not saying this is the best way to explain to your daughter what happened to Mr. Fluffernutter, I'm just saying I can't think of a better one. Your parents: be thankful I'm not one of them. EXCEPT I TOTALLY AM. Your other father and I made you!

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Thanks to Yopoleo, who made has never run over anything but the time limit when giving an acceptance speech.

Sep 22 2009 Mad Scientist: We'll All Be Immortal Cyborgs In 20 Years. GW: In 19 Years I'm Offing Myself

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Some crazy-ass jive talking nutjob (61-year old scientist, Ray Kurzweil) is convinced we'll have the technological capabilities and biological know-how to all be loveless immortal cyborgs within 20 years time. Uh-oh.

He says theoretically, at the rate our understanding is increasing, nanotechnologies capable of replacing many of our vital organs could be available in 20 years time.


Mr Kurzweil calls his theory the Law of Accelerating Returns. Writing in The Sun, Mr Kurzweil said: "I and many other scientists now believe that in around 20 years we will have the means to reprogramme our bodies' stone-age software so we can halt, then reverse, ageing. Then nanotechnology will let us live for ever.

"If we want to go into virtual-reality mode, nanobots will shut down brain signals and take us wherever we want to go. Virtual sex will become commonplace. And in our daily lives, hologram like figures will pop in our brain to explain what is happening.

First of all, The Sun is not an accredited scientific journal. And secondly, I prefer real sex to virtual reality any day. Trust me, it's not all that (I once tried making out with the television but she only shocked my tongue).

Immortality only 20 years away says scientist [telegraph]

Thanks to greenman and mystrb, who are already gonna live forever through their written words (in bathroom stalls).

Sep 22 2009 I'd Live In It: Homemade Enterprise Galileo 2

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Somebody went and built a USS Enterprise Galileo 2 shuttle in their backyard out of particleboard and, well, more particleboard. I would totally live in it too, I don't care if there are a bunch of spiders. Or roly polies! You see, I never had a treehouse growing up, so I'm trying to rekindle my youth. Sure, this technically isn't a treehouse, but it does beat camping out in your uncle's basement under a stained bedsheet draped between two barstools. Ah, the memories. Mostly bad ones.

Hit the jump for some more shots, including the ultra-sweet interior and a link to even more.

Continue Reading " I'd Live In It: Homemade Enterprise Galileo 2 "

Sep 22 2009 Conceptual Oldschool Video Game Shirts

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This is a picture of two conceptual video game shirts that Geekologie tipster Jessica sent me. Aaaaand that's all the information we have. Anybody seen these before? Are they being manufactured? Do YOU want to manufacture them? Because if you do I swear I won't tell the original designer or the Pac-Man and Tetris copyright owners. I just want that Pac-Man polo. You know, so I can rock it open all the way down to my belly button. Cause chicks dig outties, am I right? No? How about scars? Okay, what if I had a hairlip? Because I know people. With scissors.

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Thanks to Jessica, who has taken a vow of toplessness until she procures these garments. THEY WILL NEVER EXIST!

Sep 22 2009 WoW Freakout Kid Versus Grandmother

This is a video of the infamous WoW freakout kid arguing with his grandmother, who's been sent over to watch him and his brother for the weekend. Now I really wanted to believe that these videos are real, but this one's the nail in the coffin for being fake. And not just because octogenarians are notoriously bad actresses (and will shit themselves on set), but she actually references him trying to jam the tv remote up his ass. Now I know how you're feeling, and yes, it's like Santa isn't real all over again.

Tough Granny Teaches Grandson a Lesson [break]

Thanks to Adam, who plays BINGO with his grandma on Tuesday nights and she always has him sneak a bottle of booze in. Fun lady!

Sep 22 2009 Idiot Moron Uses 600K Text Messages/Month

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Some idiot moron, in an effort to become the world's biggest failure at life, used 662,258 text messages on his iPhone in a month. Plus the jerkbag got the 12,301 page itemized bill sent to him, so he doesn't even care about trees. I did the math, and it comes out to sending a text message just about every 4 seconds, all day every day. So I assume there was some sort of automated program involved. Also, a monster douche.

Hit the jump for two videos of the idiot looking at his bill.

Continue Reading " Idiot Moron Uses 600K Text Messages/Month "

Sep 21 2009 The World's Most Expensive Booze (Bottle)

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The world's most expensive booze is (and I did absolutely no fact checking about this) is a bottle of Chambord valued at $3.24 million. That's too much.

Donald Edge has created with French company Chambord a £2 million bottle of their liqueur to celebrate the new stage version of Breakfast at Tiffany's.


The iconic Chambord Royal orb bottle, hand-wrought from 18 carat yellow gold, will be encrusted with the finest round pearls, over 1,100 exquisitely cut round and pear shaped diamonds, and a square cut emerald diamond.

So, how much if I just want the booze (I've got plenty of empty two-liters!)? Cause, at least according to the Virginia ABC website, they're selling 750ml bottles for $35.50. That means I can get 91,267 bottles for the exact same price! And you know what? That's exactly what I'm gonna do. Glug till I die, bitches!

Chambord Bottle Worth $2 Million [luxuo]

Thanks to Fran, who drinks unicorn blood out of a jewel-encrusted goblet because he doesn't know they're an endangered species.

Sep 21 2009 Taser Backfire: Man Gets Zapped By Police, Uses His New Found Powers To Run Away

This is a video of some crazy bastard talking nonsense to the police and eventually getting tasered. But, unlike most poor suckers who get zapped, this character uses his new electric power to yell a magical chant, get up, and run for freedom. It works too! Feel free to skip to 2:45 if you just want to see the getaway, but I watched the whole thing because people who ramble nonsense make me feel better about myself. Like anonymously flaming you guys in the comments, but not AS good.

Youtube

Thanks to Jay and Quark, who have both been tased while reciting the alphabet backwards as part of field sobriety tests AND PASSED. Hardcore!

Sep 21 2009 Sweet Fork Arm: Twisted Disney Princesses

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Illustrator Jeffrey Thomas created a bunch of darker images of Disney princesses. They were all created prior to the Marvel buyout, so it's just coincidental they look like comic book heroines. WHICH I HAVE NEVER AND WILL NEVER TRY. That said, where are a mermaid's privates? And, if they look like Flounder's mouth there, no thanks. Okay, maybe once. Twice. BUT NO MORE THAN THAT. Four times, tops.

Hit the jump for a couple more of my favorites, and a link to the entire gallery.

Continue Reading " Sweet Fork Arm: Twisted Disney Princesses "

Sep 21 2009 Reptilian Crime Fighters: Spiderman Lizards

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Apparently Spiderman fans are getting their radioactive panties in a bunch over Agamas, lizards with a coloration that resembles that of the superhero. Best reason ever to get a pet? Probably not.

The vivid red-and-blue colouring is almost uncannily like that of the Marvel superhero, and comic book fans have been flocking to exotic pet shops to snap them up.


Native to Kenya, the rock agama (Agama mwanzae) is unable to throw webs, but can change colour - the brightly coloured males will change brown at night or if frightened. They can also run on their hind legs, and - like Spidey - can scale vertical walls.

As many of you may know, I was an amateur herpetologist in a past life. So I like lizards. BUT NOT TROUSER SNAKES! Not speaking of which, did I ever tell you about the time I put a poison dart frog in my mouth? Because that was the end of that life. The time after I tried stealing a grizzly bear's cub!

Hit the jump for another shot of the red and blue bastard.

Continue Reading " Reptilian Crime Fighters: Spiderman Lizards "

Sep 21 2009 The LEGELLO: A Fully Functional LEGO Cello

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Nathan Sawaya, a man best known for building the hell out of things with LEGO blocks, has created a fully functional cello out of the modular plastic bits. No word on what it sounds like, but if I had to guess, I'd say not good. But who am I to judge? I mean, BESIDES BEING THE GREATEST LEGO MASTER EVER?! Just saying, one time I built a Star Wars set and only had a few dozen pieces left over. L3333337!

Hit the jump for several more shots, a time lapse video of the build, and a LEGO guitar, just for the halibut.

Continue Reading " The LEGELLO: A Fully Functional LEGO Cello "

Sep 21 2009 Not For Airline Travel: Ninja Kunai USB Drive

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A dangerously metal USB drive shaped like a ninja knife, it just makes sense. The 2GB Ninja Kunai drives cost $125 and are in no way, shape or form safe for airplane travel. Or train. Now that I think about it, I wouldn't even drive anywhere with one. Because I used to keep a little pen knife on my keychain and now I push the gas with a peg. Which brings me to an important point: Pirate for hire. Now I know what you're thinking, and yes, I do bachelor parties.

Ninja Kunai USB Drive: the tech equivalent of getting a foreign language tattoo [engadget]

Thanks to Harrison, who once stabbed a foe with a traditional USB drive and lost all his data.

Sep 21 2009 I Can't Even See The Puck: Trippy Air Hockey

This is video of a Japanese air hockey table (possibly manufactured by Sega) that's designed to give game participants seizures. I couldn't even see the puck most of the time. And not just because I was rolling around on the floor clutching my eyes, but I was. Your mom keeps sending nudey pics!

Hit the jump for two more videos of the table, the first of which has a bunch of fake pucks on the table the whole time, and the second demonstrating the table's variable goal size capabilities.

Continue Reading " I Can't Even See The Puck: Trippy Air Hockey "

Sep 21 2009 Sexy Japanese Lap Pillow Is An Actual Lap

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This is a $99 Lap Pillow from Japan that, get this, looks like an actual lap! They come in both black and red skirt options and make a perfect gift for the person in your life that has everything but sexual relations with real people.

This pillow is skin-coloured polyurethene calves folded under soft thighs, a comfy cushion for napping, reading, or watching television.

And that's ALL they're good for, okay? Napping. Reading. Watching television. No funny business -- this includes prop comedy. Wocka wocka wocka!

Product Site

Thanks to Claytron, who is holding out for chest pillows which, actually, probably already exist.

Sep 20 2009 Meat Baby: A Modern Hansel And Gretel Story

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Somebody went and made a baby entirely out of ground beef. Which, funny story: is exactly how God made Adam. Minus the pickle eyes. He used deviled eggs, silly! Can you tell I took a religion class in college? Because I didn't. I did take a philosophy class though -- it was called Morality and Ethics. Yeah, I found out I don't have any (I stole an exam and got expelled).

The Meat Baby [thisiswhyyourefat]

Thanks to Tydal and trishna87, who only eat candy babies.

Sep 20 2009 Reusable Pokémon Woman Pad Thingies

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I don't even know what to say except WTF, HORF and I would totally tape that to my head like a do-rag. Available for $8 on Etsy, this reusable menstrual pad (I can't believe I'm typing this) is perfect for the Pokémon-loving, environmentally friendly chick with unshaven pits in your life. Not bleach safe or for human consumption. Really?! THEN WHY DID I JUST EAT ONE? Wait, why did I just eat one? My stomach: pump it. The contents: gotta catch 'em all!

Pokémon Menstrual Pad, Yours for Eight Bucks [kotaku]

Thanks to Aisha, I think.

Sep 20 2009 Good Lookin': Kiasaurus Spotted At Walmart

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So I got so drunk last night I woke up this morning and didn't even know I was the Geekologie Writer. Also, I think I pissed the bed but I'm too afraid to smell it. But that's neither here nor there, what is here is this Kia Stegosaurus spotted at Wal-Mart (three Wal-Mart automotive posts in a week, I blow goats love dinos!) I'll lay off them, I swear. Seriously though, is this not the most beautiful automobile you've ever seen? Because I would 115% rear-end the hell out of that sucker. IM IN UR TAILPIPE VOIDIN UR WARRANTY!

StegaCARous [peopleofwalmart]

Thanks to killerabbit, Johannes, Spikey DaPikey, N!9htR3@p3r, TabiCat, Greg and Lizzie, who all agree I would look good in this thing.

Sep 20 2009 Dungeons & Dragons Spellcasting Sodies

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Jones Soda, in an attempt to appeal to the pale basement dweller demographic, is releasing a limited edition of Dungeon & Dragons themed sodies ($11 six-packs, $19 12-bangers). And with flavors like Potion of Healing, Sneak Attack, Bigby's Crushing Thirst Destroyer, Dwarven Draught, Illithid Brain Juice and Eldritch Blast, they're sure to quench even the most satanic of thirsts. DEVIL WORSHIPERS! I jest. No I don't. I know you spraypainted that pentagram on the gymnasium! Now, gimme your lunch money before I tell everyone about your level 1 pants dwarf.

Product Site
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jones-ing for some dungeons & dragons soda [technabob]

Sep 19 2009 That's Classy: Truckvette Spotted At Walmart

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That has got to be the fastest looking truck I've ever seen. And I saw a truck shot out of a cannon before, so I know. Still, needs truck nuts.

TRUCK-VETTE [peopleofwalmart]

Thanks to Alan, who once drove a truck to the moon and did donuts in a crater. Bitchin'!

Sep 19 2009 Religious Persecution!: Jedi Tossed Out Of Supermarket For Refusing To Remove Hood

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Co-founder of the International Church of Jediism, Master Morda Hehol (Daniel Jones, seen above, left), was kicked out of a North Wales supermarket after refusing to remove his super-sweet Jedi hood. He is considering legal action (I would have just Force-choked the assistant manager).

"I told them it was a requirement of my religion but they just sniggered and ordered me to leave. I walked past a Muslim lady in a veil. Surely the same rules should apply to everyone. It was discrimination. I was really upset. Nobody should be treated like that. I'll advise worshippers to boycott Tesco if it happens again. They will feel the Force."


The jedi holocron handbook clearly states that "Jedis must wear a hood up in any public place of a large audience."

A Tesco spokeswoman said:

"Jedi are very welcome to shop in our stores although we would ask them to remove their hoods. Obi-Wan Kenobi, Yoda and Luke Skywalker all went hoodless without going to the Dark Side. If Jedi walk around our stores with their hoods on, they'll miss lots of special offers."

Really? You're gonna miss out on special offers? THAT'S the justification you're gonna use for not allowing patrons to wear hoods? Oh, this just in: Tesco security beats the shit out of a blind man.

Jedi tossed out of supermarket for wearing hood [inquisitr]

Thanks to em. MONSTER and Alexis, who only wear their Jedi hoods in the bedroom. YOW YOW!

Sep 19 2009 Holy: Farmer Grows Buddah Shaped Pears

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In this week's "growing things that look like other things" news, a Chinese farmer has learned how to grow Buddah shaped pears. But are they sacrilegious to eat?

Hao Xianzhang, a local famer, spent six years to perfect the process by growing the pears inside moulds, local media reported. The pears cost around 50 yuan (7.32 USD) each.

Pfft, that's nothing. One time I grew an apple that looked like I cut a hole in it and smoked weed out of it. BECAUSE I DID. Who has the green thumb now, bitches?!

Hit the jump for two more shots of the holy fruit.

Continue Reading " Holy: Farmer Grows Buddah Shaped Pears "

Sep 19 2009 Why Not?: Ordering Pizza From Your PS3

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Let's be honest with ourselves: we all love pizza. I'm particularly fond of the white variety BUT NOT BECAUSE I'M RACIST (I have a Hispanic friend). I just like the way it tastes in my mouth. Like ice cream, but hot. Anyway, now you can order Papa John's pizzas from you PS3. And you don't even have to go to the internet browser! Because, seriously, that would be way too much thumb exercise. Isn't that right, my opposable little lovers? Now, do that thing that I like so much. Wait! Let me sit on you till you're numb first.

papa john's and playstation 3, because no one wants to get off the couch to order pizza [technabob]

Thanks to chris, who once reheated day-old pizza in his XBox.

Sep 18 2009 Um, No: Tandem Robo-Biker Pedals For You

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Joules is a robot designed to KILL! pedal the back of a tandem bicycle. And I can honestly say I have absolutely no interest in biking down the street getting cornholed by a robot names Joules.

He's the creation of a guy called Chris who, challenged by his son to create an electric tandem that worked via pedal power, more than satisfied the brief.


The nuts-and-bolts robot is powered by a PMG-132 electric motor and, unlike most lazy-assed back-end tandem riders, does all the work himself.

Yeah but no but no. As much as I do hate pedaling myself, I'd rather walk my bike up a hill than have this jerk do the work for me. You hear that, Lance Failstrong? YOU WILL NEVER PEDAL ME!

Hit the jump for a video of the beast in action.

Continue Reading " Um, No: Tandem Robo-Biker Pedals For You "

Sep 18 2009 Good Lookin': Mario-Insired Eveningwear

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This is a line of Mario-inspired sparkling eveningwear by designer and crafster user montyfull. Nice, but where were these designs when I went to prom 10 years ago? I make sparkles look good!

So I'm a fashion major. Graduated in 2007, and just NOW got around to uploading pics of my stuff! I'm an avid gamer for life. Shooters, RPGs, PC, nintendo, Xbox... I'll play anything if I can afford it. Smiley I also don't like to take myself too seriously, so I decided that my senior collection was going to be mario eveningwear. Ya know, lots of sequins, duchess satin, chiffon, coupled with the crazy icons we know and love.

I, for one, am not ashamed to admit I'd rock the hell out of any of these designs. Plus, I'd even tape my penis to my leg. BECAUSE I'M A LADY.

Hit the jump for a close-up of the Mario face one complete with NES controller garter belt.

Continue Reading " Good Lookin': Mario-Insired Eveningwear "

Sep 18 2009 Japanese 'Break The Table' Arcade Game

This is a video of a Japanese arcade game in which you try to disturb a dinner party by breaking the table. WTF, I know. That said, I woulda karate-chopped the grain outta that bitch. High score? Or score high? You have two boobs....you have four boobs.

Youtube

Thanks to Shorty, who would have hid under the table and looked up your skirt.

Sep 18 2009 Fun For All Ages: Dino Dig Challenge, A Battleship Ripoff (But I'm Not Complaining)

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Dino Dig Challenge plays like Battleship, but instead of a bunch of stupid boats, you're hunting for raptor bones. I LOOOVE RAPTOR BONES!

  • 2 player competition to see who can excavate their opponent's dinosuar bones first.
  • Includes 2 player dig base unit, 8 excavation site tiles, 10 different dinosaur bones and flag markers
  • Be the first to complete a velociraptor skeleton and win!

OMG, YES! And the great thing about it is, this is a game that you can play alone if you want. Actually, that's the only way I play. Oh -- oh -- I JUST SUNK MY OWN DINOBONE!

Product Site

Thanks to Dinosaur Josh, who loves dinosaurs as much as I do, but in a different way. You're missing out, Josh. Like they say, "once you go Jurassic, you never go back to men". Okay, that's not true. VARIETY IS THE SPICE OF LIFE.

Sep 18 2009 September 19th Is Int'l Talk Like A Pirate Day!

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That's right you salty, half-masted sons of wenches, tomorrow (September 19th) be International Talk Like A Pirate Day. And to celebrate, TellTale Games is giving away free 1-part episodes of Tales of Monkey Island. Also, I will be getting drunk all day wearing an eyepatch and waving a plastic cutlass. So, if you want some free awesome gameage head over HERE tomorrow to claim your booty. Unless you already own the game like I do CAUSE YOU ARE A PIRATE 4 LIFE! Now, whattya say you and I swill some grog and yell at the wenches? What do you mean, "no"? That's it: hand me my wooden leg, I'm gonna kick your ass.

TellTale Games

Thanks to deadbodyman, who talks like a pirate all the time because he illegally downloads copywritten files online all day.

Sep 18 2009 "Pew Pew, Bang Bang!" :Guy Replaces All Sounds In Half Life 2 With His Own Voice

This is a seven minute video of a guy screwing around in Half Life 2 after he replaces all the audio for the sound effects with his own voice versions. It's pretty awesome and I highly recommend checking it out, even if you just skip around for a few seconds. Which, haha, God you looked fruity.

Half-Life 2 Mod Is All "Pew Pew Pew" [kotaku]

Thanks to Aisha, who once pew pewed her way through Bioshock on hard. Nice, I had to play on medium and only with the lights on and never after 9pm.

Sep 18 2009 Pathetic: Burglar Stops To Check Facebook On Victim's Computer, Forgets To Log Out

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Okay so I just noticed I left the "r" out of "your" in that Facebook update but that's what happens when you stay up till 5 am binge drinking, you know? Also, waking up with strange bruises and an even stranger man in your bed (seriously brah, it's 10:30 -- time for you to go). Anyway, worst burglar ever:

The popular online social networking site Facebook helped lead to an alleged burglar's arrest after he stopped check his account on the victim's computer, but forgot to log out before leaving the home with two diamond rings.


[The victim] told police that someone had broken into her home through a bedroom window.

There were open cabinets in her garage, and other signs of a burglar.

The victim later noticed that the intruder also used her computer to check his Facebook status, and his account was still open when she checked the computer.

Wow, that's almost as bad as the time I broke into a house and accidentally spelled my name out on the fridge in alphabet magnets. Almost -- but this guy is way stupider.

Burglar leaves his Facebook page on victim's computer [thejournal]

Thanks to Joshua, nancypantz, Brian and Fally, who ONLY break into people's places to check their status updates.

Sep 18 2009 Whee: Now You Can Kanye-Ify Any Website

kanyeify.jpg

It was only a matter of time before somebody did this. Because when I was watching the VMA's live from the back of the auditorium through the scope of a sniper rifle, I was wondering how long it would take after the Taylor Swift incident (I love you, Taylor -- you belong with me! Creepily) for somebody to make a Kanye-ify website. Apparently four days. Or maybe sooner, but I just found out about it yesterday. Just add http://kanyelicio.us/ to the front of any URL and presto: jackass everywhere!

Kanyelicio.us

Thanks to ViLLaiN, who is working on a Geekologie-ify website. Hell yes, ViLLaiN! I don't care if you are evil, you're a-okay in my book. And to Adam, who used kanyethis.com to make THIS little number. Jerk.

Sep 17 2009 Tyrannosaurus Rex Ancestor Was Smaller, More Manageable Size (Read: Swooooon)

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Turns out the ferocious T-Rex (who, I would like to mention, is a brutal lover) actually started as a tinier, much more manageable size. OMG -- I'm going to grow them in my roommates closet! Also, weed.

About 125 million years ago a tiny version of Tyrannosaurus rex roamed what is now northeastern China. Tiny, that is, by T. rex standards -- you still wouldn't want to meet it face to face. Described by paleontologist Paul Sereno as "punk size," this early predator stood about nine feet tall.


It just seems small compared to the giant T. rex that evolved millions of years later and was as much as 100 times more massive.

"It really is the blueprint for the later (T. rex) dinosaurs," Sereno said, "it was a blueprint that was scalable."

The Geekologie Writer is currently seeking funding for a dinosaur farm. I will pay both interest and dividends on your investment. If interested, please send non-consecutive, unmarked bills in a Christmas card to:

The Geekologie Writer

541 The Anti-Robot Way
Dinotopia, Never Never Land (NOT THE RANCH) 8675309

Thanks, I look forward to taking your money and having sex with dinosaurs doing business with you.
Early, smaller version of T. rex discovered [googlenews]

Thanks to Amanda, Aaron, Kelly, Ryan, Henry, Brent, darkfall13, shawno, Jackie, Ian, Dianne, delinear, Priscilla, Nate, Lynz, CertifiedHobo, Dane, ech0z, Jose, Bethy and e., who I'm totally gonna solicit as babysitters once the operation is underway.

Sep 17 2009 Unlimited Possibilities: LEGO Baseplate Shirt

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The LEGO Brick Construction Shirt from ThinkGeek is a $18 shirt with a LEGO baseplate fashioned to the chest. You can build whatever the hell you want on the front of that bitch. I'm gonna build a functional rocketship on mine!

Take your favorite construction blocks of choice (LEGO™, PixelBlocks, Mega Bloks, K'NEX Bricks™ are all compatible) then start building. You can write messages, incorporate minifigs, build 3-D structures with gears, add motors... the mind boggles. The only limit is your imagination and the amount of weight you can deal with on the front of your shirt.

I figure I'm good for a solid 40lbs of weight on the front of my chest. And not just cause I carried a baby raptor full-term, but I totally did. Sucker burst out of my chest like an alien and ate the cat! I swear, what a little rascal.

Product Site
via
Lego Baseplate Shirt May Be the Dorkiest Shirt Ever Made [gizmodo]

Sep 17 2009 I'm On To You!: The President Is A Jedi

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So apparently President Obama is a Jedi. Okay, maybe a padawan. Fine, just a guy waving a plastic lightsaber around. But that's not what's important. What's important is we arrange a lightsaber duel between him and Star Wars Boy. I'll get the president on the line, you get Obi Un-Coordinated.

Hit the jump for a picture of Obama running his wife through with a pirate sword and staring at some guy's ass, just for the hell of it.

Continue Reading " I'm On To You!: The President Is A Jedi "

Sep 17 2009 Genius!: Neck Tie Beer Bottle Opener

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The After Office Tie, by Argentinian design firm Sinapsis, appears to be an ordinary neck tie when worn under a suit. But little will your boss know that there's actually a bottle opener at the bottom perfect for opening happiness (read: booze) while on the clock! You know, this reminds me: one day I almost finished a whole case of beer at work. *glug glug glug* Aaaaaaaand I did it! Now, who's down for happy hour? I will drink your ass under the table! Oooh, and while you're down there -- you spy any loose Chex mix? I like the cereal bits.

Concept: Tie with built-in bottle opener [crunchgear]

Thanks to Jason, who opens beer bottles with his eye socket like a normal pirate.

Sep 17 2009 I Could Eat It: World's Biggest Hamburger

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What could be better after an article about a hideous dead monster than a food-related post about the world's largest commercially available burger? Happy lunching west coasters! Do they sell good falafel out there? I'd appreciate some if they do. Also, ripe avocado.

It's the world's biggest burger/heart-attacker and it comes courtesy of Steve Mallie of Southgate, Michigan. Guinness Book of World Records officially declared it the biggest after the burger weighed in at 185lbs.


Steve, who owns Mallie Sports Grill, said it took them 15 hours total to bake the burger, but it was worth it. Being in Guinness was always one of Steve's dreams. Steve said, ''I've worked my entire life to build this restaurant and being able to have the notoriety of Guinness makes it just that bit more rewarding.''

Steve plans to sell the burger at his restaurant for $499.

Who the hell's gonna buy a 200lb, week old hamburger (which, technically, appears to be a cheeseburger) for $500? You know, besides yo momma. BU-BU-BU-BURN! She's so fat she jumped and got stuck. OOOOOOOH, no I di-in't! I just did though is the thing.

KFed Just Came [dlisted]

Sep 17 2009 OMG!: Kids Kill Gollum By Panama Lake

gollum.jpg

A group of teens hanging out by a lake in Panama saw the elusive Gollum climbing out of his cave and did what any respectable youths would do: beat it to death with sticks.

According to reports in Panama, the teenagers spotted the creature crawling out of a cave while playing in the town of Cerro Azul north of Panama City.


Fearing for the safety as it moved towards them, the youths claim they attacked the beast with sticks before throwing its lifeless body into a pool of water.

A hooked claw visible in one of the photos has been cited as evidence for the popular theory that the creature was a sloth that somehow lost its hair.

Wow you little assholes, you beat a hairless sloth to death. That's low. I mean, aren't sloths slower than turtles? You could have gotten high, had a four course picnic and taken a nap afterward and the thing would have still been like a foot from where it was before you packed the bong. That said, did you get the One Ring?! BECAUSE I MUST HAVE IT. I collect jewelry!

New 'Montauk Monster' spotted in Panama [telegraph]

Thanks to spoon platoon, Pesche and DoucheBag, who would have at least asked the poor bastard for an autograph first.

Sep 17 2009 Cardboard Optimus Prime Costume On eBay

optimus-costume.jpg

Well folks, Halloween is right around the corner, and you all know what that means: another night of standing in the corner a sad Ninja Turtle while you watch the Zombie Nurse of your dreams make out with a guy dressed as The Crow. :( Also, fun costumes!

A couple of years back I went slightly mad for 3 weeks and spent every evening and weekend carefully constructing an Optimus Prime costume for a summer party. Summer party came, the costume won me first prize, and hasn't seen the light of day since.


This auction is for that costume (pictured). If you've got a Fancy Dress/Halloween party coming up, this costume will impress - and not just impress Transformers geeks. The time I wore the costume easily equates to that 15 minutes of fame time we're all supposed to get - applause from the packed balcony of random pub goers, women who wouldn't normally give me a second look wanting to have their picture taken with me (the benefit of wearing a cool mask eh...) ;)

Current bidding for the cardboardbot is £11.06 (~$18) with three days remaining. Unfortunately, the costume is for pick up only because "the costume doesn't transform into a lorry and move by itself, so you'll need to come and collect". BWAHAHAHAHA! But seriously, what do you mean it doesn't transform?

eBay Auction

Thanks to Sam, who is selling a cardboard Voltron costume that will get you laid quicker than you can say, "wait, didn't I meet you in the men's room?"

Sep 17 2009 How To Light A Grill With Liquid Oxygen

First of all, I'm not convinced liquid oxygen is real because, if it is, why can't I breath underwater? I want a merman, damnit. But if it is real, this is a video of Theo Gray lighting a charcoal grill with the stuff. Apparently it's dangerous, but I find it hard to believe. I mean, it's just a liquid. Jesus, it's not like I just ate and wanna go swimming in the stuff.

Lighting a Grill with Liquid Oxygen Is the Opposite of Safe [gizmodo]

Thanks to Van, who may or may not house a real husky bastard down by the river.

Sep 17 2009 Sweet Dreams: Sleepy Time Toothpaste

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PearlyDreams (not what I thought it was either) Natural Sleep Enhancing Toothpaste is supposed to help you fall asleep after brushing your teeth at night. Me? I just chloroform myself and pass out on the bathroom floor.

PearlyDreams (endorsed by Aerosmith's Brad Whitford, so you know it's legit) is toothpaste with Melatonin, Balm Mint, Valerian and Passionflower inside, all of which should combine to ease you into a peaceful slumber.

Pfft, who brushes their teeth anymore? I don't know about you, but I have robots that live in my gums and are programmed to come out and scrub my teeth clean every four hours. Sometimes they throw dance parties on my tongue and *WHOA!* Jesus, I was just having the worst nightmare.

This toothpaste is designed to knock you unconscious [dvice]

Sep 17 2009 Zombie Shooting Targets Now Available

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Tired of shooting at the same boring silhouettes when you're getting your gun on? Well why not prepare for the imminent zombie apocalypse and get your pew on at the same time with these zombie-themed shooting targets?

Full color Zombie Poster Targets. Designed for fun at the range or for your next league's Zombie Shoot. Features shaded scoring lines in both head & brain that cannot be seen at shooting distances.

Prices start at $1.50 a pop and decrease with quantity ordered. I just bought 1,000 so I could get them for $0.69 AND I DON'T EVEN OWN A GUN! Now lasers, lasers are a different story. You will never take them from me! I'm looking at you, future Amendment XXXII. Cold dead hands, just sayin'. *pew pew!*

Product Site

Thanks to Patrick, who once beat a paper zombie target to death with a shovel. You know, for principle.

Sep 16 2009 Cats Build Sweet-Ass Cardboard Mecha

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Kittens driving a cardboard mecha, what could be cuter? Nothing, that's what! Unless there were chipmunks poking their heads out of the missile turrets. Oooh -- and a sleepy bunny somewhere!

Picture

Thanks to Ross, who once built a mecha out of sticks but it got blown down by a bad wolf. Ironically, the very same wolf I ride into battle. Sorry about that, Ross.

Sep 16 2009 No, NO, NOOOOOOOOOO!: Yaddle Love Aid

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For those of you who don't know, Yaddle is a female Jedi of Yoda's species (whatever the hell those green freaks are). And what you're about to see, if you're brave enough to hit the jump, is a homemade lovemaking aid featuring a picture of Yaddle and a green Fleshlight. And for those of you who don't know what a Fleshlight is: congratulations, you're our only hope.

WARNING: IMAGE CANNOT BE UNSEEN.

Hit the jump and get it over with. Feel the burn.

Continue Reading " No, NO, NOOOOOOOOOO!: Yaddle Love Aid "

Sep 16 2009 Blockhead!: Face Rendered In Tetris Shapes

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This is a head rendered in Tetris blocks as imagined by Rihards Rozans. I have no idea if he used his own face for the model, but if he did, he's a pretty handsome guy. You know, in a Donkey Kong sort of way. Speaking of which: remember Candy Kong in Donkey Kong Country? I wanted to hit that like a bushel of bananas: still green and $0.79/lb?

Hit the jump for three more shots of the blocks.

Continue Reading " Blockhead!: Face Rendered In Tetris Shapes "

Sep 16 2009 But I Was Gonna Eat That!: 'Danger: High Voltage' As Demonstrated By A Watermelon

You know how all those high-voltage capacitors have warning signs that tell you not to sit on them or play around them but you do anyways because you're an ultra-L337 badass from the planet Choke-slam? Well this is a video demonstration of what can happen if a drunk electrical worker accidentally left some of the wires exposed and you sat on them. Except, in this demo they use a watermelon instead of your buttocks. The same thing would happen to your ass though, trust me. You see these? *knock knock knock* Wooden cheeks. I'm just like George Washington! Except way handsomer and a better leader.

So, This Is What Those High Voltage Danger Signs Mean [gizmodo]

Thanks to Harrison, who actually taught 'ol George how to make love like an eagle falling out of the sky.

Sep 16 2009 Booze The Way God Intended: Boob Ice Luge

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If God didn't want us drinking from boobs our whole lives, then why did he make them so appealing in adulthood? Also, why don't dinosaurs have nipples? These and many other life changing questions will be answered in my forthcoming tell-all, "The GW: A Life of Blogging". But honestly, when I first saw these $25 Boob Ice Luge molds I didn't even know what I was looking at. And did that stop me from ordering 20? No, my bank account balance did. But I still got 12!

Are you tired of your boring old Ice Luge? Planning a racy bachelor party and need an exciting way to chug your alcohol? Then you need this fabulous Boob Ice Luge! Just fill the breast mold with water, and in two days, you will have two rock hard boobs waiting to be filled with an alcoholic beverage of your choice!

"Rock hard boobs". Wow, that was a turn off. Don't get me wrong, I'd still drink out of them all night, I just wouldn't hang around after the party and try to take them home with me. Yes, yes I would. I don't even care if the nipples melt off!

Hit the jump for the uncensored shot.

Continue Reading " Booze The Way God Intended: Boob Ice Luge "

Sep 16 2009 Hack And Slash: College Student Kills Would-Be Robber With Samurai Sword

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John Pontilillo, a Johns Hopkins undergrad, killed a would-be robber with a samurai sword after finding the thieving bastard attempting to pilfer items from his garage. Nice, John, I would have done the same thing. Except blindfolded because I'm like 30x tougher than you are.

Hours earlier, someone had broken into John Pontolillo's house and taken two laptops and a video-game console. Now it was past midnight, and he heard noises coming from the garage out back.


The Johns Hopkins University undergraduate didn't run. He didn't call the police. He grabbed his samurai sword.

With the 3- to 5-foot-long (HOW LONG WAS IT?!), razor-sharp weapon in hand, police say, Pontolillo crept toward the noise. He noticed a side door in the garage had been pried open. When a man inside lunged at him, police say, the confrontation was fatal.

Pontolillo...struck the intruder no more than twice, police say, nearly severing his left hand and inflicting what police termed a "spear laceration."

Hell yeah, vigilante justice. This is exactly why I booby-trapped my Pop Tart cabinet. Next time my roommate tries to steal some, BOOM! Literally, boom: monster effing explosion. Say goodbye to your face, Dave -- it sucked anyways! Seriously, your mom doesn't even love it. I know because she told me WHEN WE WERE MAKING LOVE. She talked about you the whole time.

Hopkins student kills man with samurai sword [baltimoresun]
and
Picture Source

Thanks to Justina, An, draw and jawn, muzakx, Kate from NashVegas, Alan, Alex, Carrie and e., who would have used nunchucks.

Sep 16 2009 Don't Friend Your Mom: More Facebook Fails

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You gotta love it when your mom publicly congratulates you on Facebook for breaking your spell of sexlessness. Isn't that right, mom? *high-five* But seriously, knock next time. Also, this sock needs washing.

Hit the jump for three more Facebook faux pas.

Continue Reading " Don't Friend Your Mom: More Facebook Fails "

Sep 16 2009 Uh-Oh: Little Robot Can Jump 25-Foot Fences

Boston Dynamics, a company best known for heralding the apocalypse with their futuristic death machines, is at it again -- this time manufacturing the Precision Urban Hopper.

Most of the time, the shoebox-sized robot - which is being developed for the US military - uses its four wheels to get around.


But the Precision Urban Hopper can use a piston-actuated "leg" to launch it over obstacles such as walls or fences.

The semi-autonomous, GPS-guided gadget could be used for surveillance in urban environments.

The robot is allegedly able to clear obstacles up to 25-feet high. Which is exactly why I built a 26-foot fence around my anti-robot compound. And dug a moat. Which, FYI, is filled with deadly water dragons. But not luck dragons -- Falcor doesn't like to get wet! But he does like to get high. You're so soft, Falcor. Plus you have a puppy face.

Military robot 'hops' over walls [bbcnews]
and
Youtube

Thanks to TobyRaider, Bobby, JKirchartz, Kelly, Lomig, Kyle, Laux, Jennaiii, shiny bathtub, shawn, Nikki, Fritz, Gonk Assassin, Mark, Spikey DaPikey, prestone, Matty, 2MechanicalArms and Laurent who can't even jump out of bed in the morning. It's called depression, folks, and I have it too.

Sep 16 2009 We're Saved!: Astronomers Discover Solid Planet Outside Of Our Solar System

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Unfortunately, it's solid lava and has a daytime temperature of 3,600 degrees Fahrenheit. Still, I'd live there. With Satan. You hear that, my fiery little bitch? I SAID LIGHT THE GRILL.

As scientists search the skies for life elsewhere, they have found more than 300 planets outside our solar system. But they all have been gas balls or can't be proven to be solid. Now a team of European astronomers has confirmed the first rocky extrasolar planet.


The planet is called Corot-7b. It was first discovered earlier this year. European scientists then watched it dozens of times to measure its density to prove that it is rocky like Earth. It's in our general neighborhood, circling a star in the winter sky about 500 light-years away. Each light-year is about 6 trillion miles.

Well folks, it's been real. But I think it's time for your Geekologie Writer to hit the big red 'BLAST-OFF' button and shoot himself to Corot-7b. And like that saying goes, "Shoot for the moon. Even if you make it, your dad will still call you a failure."

Found: Firm place to stand outside solar system [yahoonews]

Sep 16 2009 Mine's Nicer: Dino Van Spotted At Walmart

rawr-van.jpg

Ignore the handicapped tag and West Virginia plate, that's not mine. Mine has like quadruple the dinosaurs. You know, to attract more kids because dinosaurs are so awesome. That said, I would still dive into the back of this thing no questions asked.

Jurassic Park [peopleofwalmart]

Thanks to Danielle, gator, Meganologie, Nick B, Greg and michael, who aren't allowed within 100 yards of a toy store.

Sep 15 2009 Snake With Foot Found, Killed In China

snake-foot.jpg

I am seriously reconsidering my decision to procreate in China. What with all the winged cats and footed snakes, I don't want my children to grow up with three legs like their father, you know? My beneficial defects aside, I must admit: as an amateur herpetologist, I'm a little skeptical about a footed snake. It seems almost like it swallowed a lizard and then that bastard was all like, "oh hell naw!" and kicked through the snake's bitchass stomach.

Dean Qiongxiu, 66, said she discovered the reptile clinging to the wall of her bedroom with its talons in the middle of the night.


"I woke up and heard a strange scratching sound. I turned on the light and saw this monster working its way along the wall using his claw," said Mrs Duan of Suining, southwest China.

Mrs Duan said she was so scared she grabbed a shoe and beat the snake to death before preserving its body in a bottle of alcohol.

I call shenanigans. Everybody knows snakes lost their right to feet after that one in Eden kept trying to touch Eve's boobs. Yes, I've read the Bible. He ended up stealing her nipples. And that, my flock, is where dried apricots come from. Amen.

Snake with foot found in China [telegraph]

Thanks to carmen, Matty and Chuck Nunchuck, who all have snaked feet. And this little piggy went to GAAAAAAAHH!!

Sep 15 2009 Die, Birds, Diiiiiiiie!: Contra Vs. Duck Hunt

This is a super short video of a Contra commando playing Duck Hunt. And in case you can't watch videos at work, I'll spoil it for you: the ducks lose. But if you want to watch the ducks win, you should watch that youth hockey themed movie starring Emilio Estevez. OMG HE WAS SOOOO HANDSOME!

Youtube

Thanks to jim, who got the laser rifle and "accidentally" shot that annoying laughing dog.

Sep 15 2009 In The Land Of The Blind, The Man With One Eye Is King: Ridiculous Cyclops Sunglasses

cyclops-glasses.jpg

I don't wear sunglasses because I like squinting, but for those of you that do, and only have one giant eye, maybe these new Martin Margiela sunglasses are for you. Sure they look like a giant windshield and cost $570, but that's a small price to pay for looking like a giant Miami douche-hydrant, am I right? Of course I am. Unless we're talking about handed, in which case I'm left. Speaking of which -- remember that no child left behind program? It's a lie (my parents abandoned me at a water park).

Martin Margiela Sunglasses [likecool]

Thanks to naas, who doesn't wear sunglasses BECAUSE HE OPTS FOR DUAL EYE PATCHES. Damn yeah, matey!

Sep 15 2009 Are You Out Of Your Damn Mind? Alternatively: Oh Helllllllll No: A Needle Wielding, Blood Sucking Robot

bloodbot.jpg

Can you count the number of things wrong in the picture above? If you answered, "every single one", congratulations, you are correct. You see, Bloodbot is a robot designed to stab you with a needle. And I think we can all agree: that is exactly NOT what Jesus would do.

The robot consists of an arm with a needle and a probe. In order to find an accessible vein, the robot probes around your arm until it finds an area of flesh that is a little bit less squishy than the rest. Then it jabs you with a needle, and when it feels a little pop indicating that it's punched through into a vein, it knows to stop the jabbage, lest it go right through the other side of your vein, out the back of your arm, and into your femoral artery, causing a massive amount of hemorrhaging that will no doubt kill you in minutes.


So far, the robot is accurate about 78% of the time.

Hell no. Helllllllllll no. I don't care if it's accurate 110% of the time, no robot is getting anywhere near these precious, alcohol filled veins with a needle. I'd rather stab myself in the heart with a cannonball. And not just because I'm a pirate, but I do love booty. Seriously -- back that thang up, wench!

Bloodbot Stabs You Like A Pro [botjunkie]

Thanks to Spikey DaPikey and qix, who once stabbed a pair of robots in the eyes with syringes full of acid and made them melt from the inside out. Nice, guys, I like your style.

Sep 15 2009 'Today Was A Good Day': The Flow Chart

today-was-a-good-day-1.jpg

If there's two things I learned to love in college it's flow charts and communal showering. And this is by far one of the awesomest flow charts I've ever seen. It's right up there with the What Should I Eat? chart. Click HERE to see the flow chart in its entirety, which outlines all of Ice Cube's iconic 'Today Was A Good Day'. Now I know what you're thinking: how the hell can you even think about starting a good day with a hogless breakfast? Because one time I only had dry white toast and a poached egg and then got hit by the school bus. Coincidence?

Hit the jump to watch the music video and follow along with the chart.

Continue Reading " 'Today Was A Good Day': The Flow Chart "

Sep 15 2009 Eye Candy: Video Mapped Projections

This is a recording of a wicked video projection show perfectly mapped to the front of a mansion in England. You've just got to see it to believe it. It's sort of long, but I recommend watching at least the first minute and then skipping around (there's even some Pac-Man action around 4:00). And speaking of skipping around, I don't do that shit -- I gallop. What? CLIPPITY CLOP, BITCHES!

Youtube

Thanks to Gilllllll, who once projected his love into a sock. And to whoever sent this earlier: I'm a jackass.

Sep 15 2009 I Smell Hoverboards!: Scientists Successfully Float Mice Using Magnetic Fields

floating-mice.jpg

That's right folks, scientists have successfully hovered mice using nothing but magnetic fields. You read correctly: no black magic this time! (I'm still skeptical)

Scientists working on behalf of NASA built a device to simulate variable levels of gravity. It consists of a superconducting magnet that generates a field powerful enough to levitate the water inside living animals, with a space inside warm enough at room temperature and large enough at 2.6 inches wide (6.6 cm) for tiny creatures to float comfortably in during experiments.


The researchers first levitated a young mouse, just three-week-old and weighing 10 grams. It appeared agitated and disoriented, seemingly trying to hold on to something.

"It actually kicked around and started to spin, and without friction, it could spin faster and faster, and we think that made it even more disoriented," said researcher Yuanming Liu, a physicist at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena, Calif. They decided to mildly sedate the next mouse they levitated, which seemed content with floating.

I want to float! Remember that time in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory where Charlie and his alcoholic grandfather drank the Lifting Fizzy Drink and then floated around the bubble room? Yeah, I did that one time when I was tripping. It was awesome. Well, until I swallowed a bubble and got the hiccups. I was hiccuping colors!

Mice Levitated in Lab [yahoonews]

Thanks to Totex, who once made his assistant hover before somebody in the audience yelled, "I can see the wires!" and ruined the illusion.

Sep 15 2009 Tough Times: The iPhone Recession Case

recession-case.jpg

Tough economic times call for even tougher men patrolling the streets with leather chaps and cute hats. And I am one of those men. Also, you don't want to spend too much money during a recession because then you won't have enough for drinking. And drinking, as I'm sure many of you know, is one of the very few things that make life worth living (in addition to the internet and the love of a good woman). Enter the Case-Mate iPhone 3G/3GS Recession Case. Priced at a paltry $1 (or 10 for $8), the cardboard case is the perfect protection for an iPhone toting cheapskate. Plus, they're great for starting fires. In the bedroom. I'm talking about that freaky deaky shit! Oh yeah, baby, that's the stuff -- now hit me with the extinguisher!

Product Site

Thanks to Chuey The Rock n Roll Midget, who doesn't have to pay for airfare because he ships himself in a flat-rate box from the United States Postal Service (pay me bitches).

Sep 14 2009 It Just Makes Sense: Animals With Lightsabers

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Animalswithlightsabers.com is a website with a bunch of pictures of animals wielding lightsabers. Because, let's face it: animals and lightsabers go together like waking up and drinking. Or going to bed with a bottle of vodka. It just makes people happy.

Hit the jump for several more of my favorites and another link to the website.

Continue Reading " It Just Makes Sense: Animals With Lightsabers "

Sep 14 2009 Yes, Please!: Pew Pew Laser Cheeze

Laser cheese is cheese that comes out of Captain Cheeseface's magical fingertips. According to this commercial, one finger shoots cheese chunks and the other a fine cheesy powder. Together they make pasteurized magic! OOOH OOOH, OVER HERE MR. CHEESE WHIZ -- shoot it right in my mouth! Yes, yes, now my eyes -- DO ME IN THE EYES! OMG -- OMG -- CHEEEEEEESEVISIOOOOOOON!


Youtube (from pictureisunrelated)

Thanks to chris and NumberOneSpatula, who once robbed a bank with cheese sticks. Pretty gutsy, guys. Also, delicious (pass the marinara).

Sep 14 2009 He's Eating My Ass!: Pac-Man Gaming Chair

pacman-chair-1.jpg

This is a Pac-Man gaming chair. The best I can tell it's just a computer image, rendering(!) it fake, but it's cool enough for someone to make reality IMHO. And speaking of MHO: they're out there. I'm talking aliens, fool! Anyway, this Pac-Man chair feeds off pocket lint and loose change but won't hesitate to eat your cat if you go out of town for a long weekend without at least laying out some treats. And by treats I mean dingleberries. Sick, I know, but he loves those things.

Hit the jump for a couple more shots.

Continue Reading " He's Eating My Ass!: Pac-Man Gaming Chair "

Sep 14 2009 Starry Nights Baths: Nirvana LED Bathtub

nirvana-tub.jpg

I haven't taken a bath since I was too short to see over the side of the tub, so I don't need a fancy bath fixture. But maybe you do. I heard women take a lot of baths because it makes shaving easier. Speaking of which, what do women shave anyways? I suspect it's their chests!

The Nirvana Bathtub is basically an normal tub that's been outfitted with 360 LED lights on the surface. Touch controls allow you to adjust the lights as well as the water, and a hand shower is motion activated.

Pfft, screw a LED tub -- I'm holding out for a laser bath! I'm gonna get all prune-y and blind at the same time. Just sayin', vision is for the weak and I can benchpress the bar plus 45lbs on each side!

Nirvana bathtub combines a bathtub and a planetarium [dvice]

Sep 14 2009 Burn It!: Ghost Table Held Up By Black Magic

magic-ghost-table.jpg

I'm not even going to begin to try and understand how this table stays erect, but I think it has something to do with the dark arts (or boner pills). Whatever the case, the acrylic table was designed by John Brauer and reminds me a little of the painted table we featured awhile back. Not a ton, but a little. Also, I went to get some frozen tart yogurt yesterday and the place was all modern and had clear tables. Yeah, I tried to set my sundae down and missed. 30-second rule! (I lapped that shit off the floor like a dog)

Clear Acrylic Grand Illusion Is a Designer Table Without the Table [gizmodo]

Sep 14 2009 Norwegian Viking Man Changes Name To Julius Andreas Gimli Arn MacGyver Chewbacka Highlander Elessar-Jankov

you-scare-me.jpg

The beast seen here, best known for once sinking a rival Viking's ship with a single whip of his fiery mullet, has changed his name. He used to be Andreas Jankov. But nooooow he's Julius Andreas Gimli Arn MacGyver Chewbacka Highlander Elessar-Jankov. You've got to admit: it does have a ring to it.

"I wanted to show that it is possible to be serious and at the same time take the name you like," said the film enthusiast. "I wanted to see how far I could take it with respect to the number of names. I started thinking about this three years ago and it was approved in January this year."


Thanks to our commenters, we've been able to break down the name:

- Julius is an homage to the famous chimp at the Kristiansand Zoo
- 'Arn' is a Swedish knight movie
- Elessar and Gimli are from 'Lord of the Rings'
- 'MacGyver', just the greatest Richard Dean Anderson show ever!
- 'Highlander' could refer to either the movie or TV show
- Chewbacka (aka Chewbacca) is from 'Star Wars'

Can you guess the name that doesn't belong? Me neither. I loved 'Lord of the Rings'!

Julius Andreas Gimli Arn MacGyver Chewbacka Highlander Elessar-Jankov: Norway's Longest Name? [huffingtonpost]

Thanks to TT likes little boys and Steve, who named their sons Sue to make them tough.

Sep 14 2009 Bacon Is Good For Me: The Remix

This is Sir Eat A Lot's remix of his instant classic 'Bacon Is Good For Me', now with more repetition. Now I'm not saying this song makes me want to adopt the little chubs and call him my own, but it totally does. Say it again, little man! "Bacon is good for me". Haha, here -- have another Beggin' Strip (he doesn't know the difference).

Youtube

Thanks to Erica, whose hit 'Geekologie Is Good For Me' went like triple plutonium.

Sep 14 2009 TV Wand Changes The Channel With Magic!

magic-wand.jpg

Let's face it: pushing buttons on a remote to change the channel on your television is archaic and embarrassing. What we need are a bunch of magic wands to wave around like assholes! Well we're in luck! Enter the Kymera Magic Wand.

It works like a standard universal learning remote but thanks to a built-in accelerometer it's able to recognize "magical gestures" instead of just pushing buttons.


So for example, to turn the volume up or down on your TV you'd simply make clockwise or counter-clockwise gestures with the wand, and to change the channel you'd either flick it up or down. All-in-all there are 13 different gestures recognized by the wand that you can custom-program including big swish, push forward, pull back and even multi-taps.

The wand is allegedly real and will set you back around $84 when they start shipping next month. Alternatively, have a child sit in front of the television and yell at them when you want the channel changed. Isn't that right, dad? Who's your little #1 remote?!

Kymera Magic Wand Universal TV Remote [ohgizmo]

Sep 12 2009 Scratch Meeeeee!: Super Mario Fingernails

mario-nails-1.jpg

This is somebody's false fingernails that photobucket user nailchick27 painted with a Super Mario Bros. 3 theme. As you can see, they're good looking. I can't say for certain I'd date a girl with nails like that (because I wouldn't), but I would let her give me a back scratch. Harder. Go on, harder. HARDER. DO IT TILL YOU SEE RIBS! Now smoke a rack, I'm getting hungry.

Hit the jump for one more shot of the whole set.

Continue Reading " Scratch Meeeeee!: Super Mario Fingernails "

Sep 12 2009 Master Cuts: Life-Size Link Papercraft

paper-zelda.jpg

Papercrafter Haywan got ambitious and decided to make a life-size Link. Out of paper. Making it quite possibly the most amazing feat I've ever seen in my entire life. Be sure to follow the links to see more pictures and ten videos of Haywan putting the thing together. WARNING: It's mind bogglingly complicated. Good lookin', Haywan, now how about a life-size Zelda? What? I LIKE PAPERCUTS DOWN THERE.

Hit the jump for a couple close-ups and a Link (!) to even more pictures and video.

Continue Reading " Master Cuts: Life-Size Link Papercraft "

Sep 11 2009 9/11: The World Trade Center From Space

september-11.jpg

This is a picture of the World Trade Center after the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, taken by current commander of the International Space Station at the time, Frank Culbertson. Damn, has it really been eight years? Remember.


The World Trade Center Terrorist Attack from Space
[gizmodo]

Sep 11 2009 Lookin' Bad: Bluetooth Ringphone Concept

rings.jpg

Who the hell would actually want to talk to their hand like in the picture is beyond me (where do I sign up?), but Argentinian design team BCK designed this set of rings to use as a Bluetooth headset handset. Also, anybody else notice how the thumb above the ring was drawn in, and the pinky looks like it was torn off and sewn back on by Dr. Frankenstein? I wish mine looked like that.

The user talks to the hand using the yellow ring that fits halfway down the little finger, and then listens with the pink ring on the thumb.


This is one concept that probably won't catch on, ever. Unless you can make a display to put on the palm. Maybe there is some alternate reality where this technology came into fruition.

One ring to hear your calls,

One ring to talk in,
Two rings to take your calls,
and with the Bluetooth bind them.

BWAAHAHAHAHAHA. A Lord of the Rings themed poem, that's too precious. See what I did there? See how I snuck the precious right on in there? Jesus I should teach lessons about being awesome.

Bluetooth Concept turns your finger phone into reality [alphabetatricks]

Thanks to Cinema Obsessed, who isn't obsessed with movies so much as the popcorn.

Sep 11 2009 Crimes Against Humanity, Alternatively, Why I Decided To Rob You: A $135K Blu-Ray Player

please-dont-1.jpg

Nobody should own a $135,000 Goldmund Eidos Reference Blue Blu-ray player. That's the bottom line. I mean, there are children in Africa who don't even have Laserdisc players. So how someone could knowingly spend six figures on a Blu-ray player makes me sick. BLAAAAAAH! There, I hope you're happy now.

This 66-pound behemoth has such beautiful design, we're thinking it would be right at home in an art gallery. But does it make the Blu-ray movies look any better? Only those with golden eyes and ears will know for sure.


Those precision spring-loaded legs, a completely isolated power supply and fancy Goldmund Magnetic Damping drives the price up into the stratosphere, along with that ritzy Goldmund name.

I've never heard of the Goldmund name, so that doesn't mean anything to me. I guess I'm not an audiophile. Although, admittedly, I did experiment with a girl's ear once in college, but it just wasn't my thing (she got an inner-ear infection and dumped me).

Hit the jump for one more shot of the ridiculousness.

Continue Reading " Crimes Against Humanity, Alternatively, Why I Decided To Rob You: A $135K Blu-Ray Player "

Sep 11 2009 But I Don't Wanna Hit Him!: WALL-E Piñata

wall-e-pinata.jpg

This is a custom made WALL-E piñata from Etsy seller victorof1980s. This crazy mother is trying to sell the thing for $200. $200 for something your kid is gonna beat to shit with a stick and not even remember by next year! No thanks. When my children have birthdays they get the same kind of piñata I had growing up: a grocery bag with a face drawn on the side. I remember one time I hit it so hard I dented a can of succotash! Also, all the bananas got real mushy.

wall-e pinata filled with candy, not garbage [technabob]

Thanks to naas, who hate WALL-E but loves beating things with a dowel.

Sep 11 2009 Noooo!: Prego-Bot Gives Birth To Robo-Son

prego-bot.jpg

In one of the most f'ed up things I've seen in recent history, the University of Arizona Medical Center has a robotic woman that gives birth to a robotic son so that medical students can witness the horrors of robotic birth firsthand.

Named Noelle, she grunts, screams, yells at the doctors, pees, bleeds -- and yes, even gives birth (to a cute little robot baby named Hal).


Paid for with a $40,000 grant from Miami-based Guarnard Scientific, the university bought Noell, baby Hal, and another, smaller robot-baby in January. Then Noelle was taken out of commission for a while when medical students (yelp!) broke her pelvic bone.

an average of 20 medical students a week diagnose all sorts of birth complications like cesareans and breach births. Noelle can even hemorrhage, all while screaming in pain and yelling things like "don't touch me" at the medical students.

Great, at this rate she's gonna have like 1,000 babies a year. WHO KEEPS KNOCKING THIS ROBOTIC BITCH UP? I'm looking at you, shifty night patrolman! DUM DUM DUM!

University of Arizona Medical Students Help Robot Give Birth to Baby Robot [phoenixnewtimes]

Thanks to Demon Spawn, who get it pregnant with like thirty little devil babies.

Sep 11 2009 Windows 7 Commercial With Cute Little Girl

I don't get the chance to watch much television since my tv got repo'd but if I did I may have seen this Microsoft commercial for Windows 7 featuring Kylie, the cute Asian girl. Admittedly, I did like the ad. But that's because I'm a sucker for any commercial featuring The Final Countdown. Even tampon ones.

Youtube

Thanks to jon, who still sells products the really old fashioned way: from cave to cave.

Sep 11 2009 You Look Different: Is That You, R2?

wtf-is-that.jpg

This is definitely NOT the droid I'm looking for. Kidding -- come here you lovable little trashcan, you! Now hump my leg.


I've Got A Bad Feeling About This
[pictureisunrelated]

Thanks to everyone who sent this in, next round at the cantina's on me. Psyche! I WILL SHOOT FIRST.

Sep 11 2009 Beef Jerky: Now With More Caffeine

perky-jerky.jpg

Perky Jerky is beef jerky with caffeine added (via guarana) to help keep you awake and focused on trying to look busy and not like you're just reading Geekologie.

Perky Jerky caffeinated beef jerky is the world's first performance enhancing meat snack. Put simply, we've combined the most tender and flavorful beef jerky, with an extra dose of energy (caffeine, from the Guarana we add) to provide a jerky experience you won't find anywhere else.

Performance enhancing meat snack. I dunno about all that. But if you want to try it, a 2 oz bag will set you back $5. Alternatively, a 2 oz bag of good weed would be like $700. So, yeah, cheaper than good weed.

Product Site

Thanks to Ryan, Mr. Robbot and Towhee Monster, who get their energy the old fashioned way, directly from the sun. Transform and photosynthesize!

Sep 10 2009 Military Experimenting With Airless Tires

airless-tire.jpg

We've known about airless tires for a while now here on Geekologie, but now the US military is getting involved and testing them sums of beaches out on some of their vehicles. But not their tanks -- they don't have any air to begin with, silly!

The advantages of airless tires are obvious: they can't be punctured and they never go flat. But it clearly takes a lot of science to get the proper material that can stand up to the pressure of a multi-ton military vehicle sitting on top of it.

Nice, military, but how about some REAL airless tires. I'm talking about hover wheels, bitches! I know that shit exists, we stole the technology from the aliens. GET OUT OF MY HEAD GOVERNMENT! Quick, somebody Reynolds Wrap me, STAT!

Military testing out fancy new airless tires [dvice]

Sep 10 2009 Nice: Badass LEGO Star Wars Chess Set

star-wars-chess-1.jpg

Typically you don't hear "badass" and "chess" in the same sentence unless you're talking about the time Bobby Fisher beat Medusa to death with nothing but a rook. But I feel they're appropriate together here because this custom LEGO Star Wars chess set by Brandon Griffith is simply bangin'. And yes, I can say that because I'm hip. Literally, I only have one. I threw the other one out humping a Dilophosaurus this morning! Also, I suspect tennis elbow.

Flickr Set (with lots of worthwhile closeups)
via
Lego Star Wars Chess Set [likecool]

Thanks to Chuey "The Rock 'n Roll" Midget, who could actually stand in for one of those chess pieces. He's that small.

Sep 10 2009 Why Parents Shouldn't Be On Facebook. Alternatively: Your Mom Just Friended Me

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This is a excerpt from a Facebook conversation (hit the jump to read the rest) between some crazy old lady and who she believes to be her son, but isn't. I have no idea whether it's fake or not (I don't think it is), but that's not the point. The point is that this a perfect example of why older parents shouldn't be allowed to operate computers (or motor vehicles, unless they're driving me to the mall with my friends). And I'm not just saying that because my stepfather walked in to use the computer during one of my more risque webcam shows, but he did. And started dancing with me. Yeah, it was awkward. But only in the beginning.

Hit the jump for the rest of the conversation.

Continue Reading " Why Parents Shouldn't Be On Facebook. Alternatively: Your Mom Just Friended Me "

Sep 10 2009 Are We Having Fun Yet?: New iPod Nano Shoots Video, Voice Records, FM Radios

ipod-nano.jpg

Apple just released an updated iPod Nano which features a bigger screen, 640 x 480 video recording, voice recording, and FM radio capabilities. As usual, they come in all sorts of fun colors so you can match your media player to your eyes (Chinese girls do not come with green eyes -- anybody?!). 8 giggers cost $150 and 16 bangers $180. Is it worth an extra $30 to double your storage? You be the judge. I'll play the bailiff! Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? Good, now where were you last night around 10PM? Because I was peeking in your bedroom window but you weren't theeeeere!

Product Site

Thanks to Kamaren, smith and Todd, who still carry record players BECAUSE THEY'RE OLDSCHOOL LIKE THAT. I swear, you guys are so fresh.

Sep 10 2009 New Bouncy Feature In Ninja Gaiden Σ II

Apparently by shaking your PS3 controller while playing the upcoming Ninja Gaiden Sigma II you can make your characters boobs bounce around all crazylike (which helps explains THIS advertisement). Also, I'm more than a little disappointed we didn't have this feature for the original NES. I'm looking at you, Princess Toadstool circa Super Mario 2. You too, Mario.

See Ninja Gaiden Sigma II Boob Bouncing In Action [kotaku]

Thanks to Pedro, who makes boobs bounce the old fashioned way: with a Ping Pong paddle.

Sep 10 2009 Nice Kicks, Brah: Custom Super Mario Shoes

mario-shoes-1.jpg

If there's one thing to earn some serious street cred, it's a pair of custom painted Mario shoes. Kidding, it's calling a grizzly bear a bitch to her tits and stealing a cub, but these might net you a little.

Each one is precisely handpainted by Rachelle Williams of ParadoxArtistry, and covered with imagery of all of your favorite Super Mario characters. At $160 smackeroos a pair, they're not cheap, but think about how much two original paintings and a pair of high-tops would cost you and then it doesn't seem that bad. While the pair shown above is a Men's size 11, Rachelle will happily make you a pair in any size.

I, for one, would rock the hell outta those puppies. WOOF WOOF, know what I'm sayin'?! I don't, I think I've lost my got-damn mind.

Hit the jump for one more shot of the impressiveness.


Continue Reading " Nice Kicks, Brah: Custom Super Mario Shoes "

Sep 10 2009 Finally: The Buckyball Haiku Contest Winners

buckyballs.jpg

First of all, I'd like to apologize for taking so long to grade your haiku, but I took my time and read EVERY SINGLE ONE. I just wasn't expecting 1,600 entries, since I didn't even get that many comments ON MY BIRTHDAY. Read: everyone who entered but didn't wish me a happy birthday was disqualified. I jest. But seriously, you all did great and I'm very proud of the quality of poetry (most of) you wrote. Also, a bunch of you are clearly special needs. But that's okay, so am I. We'll have more contests in the future just as soon as people contact me with free swag to give away (I'm looking at you, Mercedes). Also, I can't stress how near impossible it was to choose winners. I haven't slept in four days trying to sort through all this awesome. And now, the moment you've all been waiting for, the winners:

Grand Prize:

407. AM

Powered by man flesh
Robots hunt down last blogger
Cry Geekologie

Runners Up (in no particular order):

1014. pellaz

Red skies born in flame
Metal masters torment us
Prophet was ignored

74. Matt

On the internet,
Dangerous to go alone...
Take Geekologie

1221. well thats nice

The Robots bring doom
So before we are all killed
Post Zelda Side Boob

There you have it, I guess I was really feeling Zelda and the robot apocalypse (but don't think I didn't enjoy your dinosaur entries -- they made me so hot!). I will be contacting the winners tomorrow. And again, it really was impossible to choose winners. I had the field narrowed down to 190 (including yours) and had to choose four. But don't worry, you'll win next time. Thanks for participating everyone, and I don't care what everybody else says: you're all winners in my book.

Get Buckyballs

Sep 9 2009 3rd Most Complete T. Rex Skeleton For Sale

rawr.jpg

"Samson", who is being billed as the third most complete Tyrannosaurus Rex skeleton (I would hit that like a meteor), will be on the auction block in Las Vegas October 3rd. Bidding is expected to top $6 million. Great. Anybody know how to rob a bank?

Experts say the 170 bones discovered about 17 years ago in South Dakota represent more than half the skeleton of a 40-foot-long, 7.5 ton dinosaur that lived 66 million years ago.

"This represents the pinnacle of paleontology," Lindgren told The Associated Press on Friday.


"Most of the major museums in the world have casts of T. rexes," as opposed to the real thing, he said. "Bidding on this T. rex is not going to be a gamble, it's going to be the opportunity of a lifetime to whoever gets it."

The more I think about it, the more I can't believe they're letting this happen. You can't just sell a dinosaur. I mean, dinosaurs are people too, you know? THEY'RE NOT LIKE PROSTITUTES. Also, I don't care if the auction is going down in Vegas, this is just horribly, horribly wrong (I'll give you $2,000 for one night alone. $600 for just the skull).

T. rex for sale: Dinosaur fossil on block in Vegas [yahoonews]

Thanks to everyone who sent this in, are any of you by chance millionaires?

Sep 9 2009 Cowboy Stadium's Big Black Screen Of Fail

bsod.jpg

This is a picture in the Dallas Cowboys stadium of a giant display that is connected to a computer that (and I'm using my Sherlock Holmes-y powers of deduction here) was improperly shut down. Just a guess. Oh, here comes another!: morbidly obese. I know, I'd make a killing at the fair.

Dallas Cowboys Stadium Continues Streak of Giant Screen Fails [gizmodo]

Sep 9 2009 Ping Pong Fighter: Street Fighter, With Ping Pong (And Two Shirtless Guys, Yow Yow!)

This is short video of Ping Pong Fighter, which, in case you don't read titles, is like Street Fighter but with Ping Pong. Fun fact: Ping Pong is actually a trademarked name. Table tennis is the generic term for the sport. I AM SPITTIN' MAD KNOWLEDGE TODAY, SON! Anyway, I thought the video was pretty cute. And not just cause of the two hunky guys playing. Because they're not hunks. Those are what we familiar with the gay community call twinks. Me? I'm a bear like Zangief. RAWR!

Youtube

Thanks to Tunio, who once went to Ping Pong ball show in Thailand and hasn't been able to pick up a paddle since.

Sep 9 2009 Steel Velcro: Because Plastic Is For Sissies

new-velcro.jpg

This new steel velcro can support up to 35 tons of pressure and looks ultra-badass. So badass I want a belt made out of it. Yeah, and a headband. Wait, is this stainless steel? Cause I can't have no rust juice dripping in my eyes!

Developed by German engineers, this new version of Velcro is dubbed Metaklett, and it can support 35 tons at temperatures up to 1472 degrees. It's made from "perforated steel strips 0.2 millimetres thick, one kind bristling with springy steel brushes and the other sporting jagged spikes."

I have no idea what sort of industrial uses they have planned for this shit, but that's not important. What IS important is this: Velco is actually a name brand. The generic term for this type of closure is 'hook-and-loop fastener'. If you already knew that, congratulations. If not, I hope I just wasted some space behind your face! I'm talking about in your brain.

Thank you for being a friend

Travel down the road and back again
your heart is true, you're a pal and a confidant
And if you threw a party,
Invited everyone you knew,
You would see the biggest gift would be from me and the card attached would say,
Thank you for being a friend.

Haha, I'm just messing with you now.

Steel velcro can support up to 35 tons [dvice]

Sep 9 2009 Study: OMG Women Have Faces!?

knockers.jpg

In a unshocking report released by the New Zealand's University of Wellington, researchers found that most men don't know that women have faces. Only breasts. Haha! But seriously -- what's a face?

Researchers found that virtually half - 47 per cent - of men first glance at a woman's breasts. A third of the "first fixations" are on the waist and hips, while fewer than 20 per cent look at the woman's face.


Not only are breasts often the first thing men look at, they also glance at them for longer than any other body part, the experts discovered, the Daily Mail newspaper in the UK reported.

Hey, different strokes for different folks (I always check for a penis first).

Scientific proof that men look at women's breasts first and their face is almost last
[dailytelegraph]

Thanks to deadbodyman, who's still not convinced women have faces. OR BREASTS (foot fetish).

Sep 9 2009 Highly Questionable Popular Science Ad

This is a highly questionable 30-second commercial for a new show on the Science Channel called 'Future Of...'. Basically the show explores in which ways robots are gonna bend us over and have their cold, metallic way with humanity. Now I don't want to ruin the ad for you, so go ahead and watch it.

Did you see that? THE DUDE BROUGHT FLOWERS TO A ROBOT WOMAN! WTF IS UP WITH THAT?! I don't care how far in the future, I could never love another robot. You broke my heart Teddy Ruxpin!

Youtube

Thanks to Alaina, who's smart enough to know the future i snow. Yes, the future i snow. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS BUT IT'S THE TRUTH!

Sep 9 2009 Sticking It To The Man: Guy Dons Monkey Mask To Avoid Paying Speeding Fines

monkey-face.JPEG

Guys, I know I said I'd have the haiku graded by last night, but I still have 200 to go. Then, I have to choose 4 out of the top 100 I've pulled aside. I WILL DO IT TONIGHT, I PRETTY PRETTY PROMISE. That said, some jackass is speeding around Phoenix, AZ wearing a monkey mask to avoid paying speeding-camera fines. To date, he's already been sent 37 tickets.

"Not one of them there is a picture where you can identify the driver," said Dave Vontesmar, a flight attendant who works at Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport. "The ball's in their court. I sent back all these ones I got with a copy of my driver's license and said, 'It's not me. I'm not paying them.' "


"We watched him four different times put the monkey mask on and put the giraffe-style mask on," Officer Dave Porter told AZcentral.com. "Based on surveillance, we were positive that Vontesmar was the driver."

"It's obviously a revenue grab," he said of the new photo-enforcement program. "They're required by law to ID the driver of the vehicle. If they can't identify the driver or the vehicle by the picture, what are they doing to identify the driver?"

Really -- monkey and giraffe masks? Save 'em for the bedroom, Dave.

Man Dons Mask for Speed-Camera Photos [aolnews]

Thanks to Pat, who only drives in style -- on the sidewalk with a grocery bag on his head.

Sep 9 2009 Huuuge Robot Statue Coming To South Korea

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If you thought the 59-foot Gundam statue in Japan was large, boy were you wrong. Because South Korea is erecting a massive 364-foot statue (twice as large as the Statue of Liberty) of Robot Taekwon V (aka Voltar the Invincible). Scared? It gets worse. You see, the statue is being built for a new amusement park called Robot Land. Geez, talk about scarring your children for life. This is worse than coming downstairs on Christmas hoping for a Nintendo, only to find your mom gangbanging the Tooth Fairy and Easter Bunny underneath the tree. Nobody even ate the cookies!

giant robot taekwon v statue will be six times as large as giant gundam statue [technabob]

Sep 8 2009 WTF Is Wrong With You?: Twlight Corn Maze

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This is a Twilight themed corn maze in Utah (a state best known for people forgetting is a state) celebrating the new movie that's coming out later this year that I, for one, can't wait to see (read: I'd rather have ants eat my eyeballs while I'm awake and screaming and a dominatrix hammers at my junk with a meat tenderizer). I just put this up for you ladies out there that are in love with this garbage and know what 'Team Jacob' means. Because I sure as hell don't. *Googling* Holy shit, this teen-wolf character actually sounds pretty cool. NOOOOOOT. High five for the oldschool burn!

Also, haiku contest winners will be announced later tonight (I still have 400 haikus left to read).

'Twilight' fans can get happily get lost in corn [ohnotheydidnt]

Thanks to pstone, who has never run through a cornfield backwards but has been to prison. Similar feelings.

Sep 8 2009 Robotic Bear Will Kill You In The Hospital

This is a promotional video for RIKEN's RIBA, a robotic pedo-bear that was designed to pick hospital patients up out of their beds and discreetly crush their genitals. Yeah, no thanks. Oh, and don't let the Whinny the Pooh music in the video fool you, this robo-bear would maul your whole damn face off and wear it like a mask for a single pot of oil. Don't believe me? Ask Piglet.

Couldn't find him, could you? Draw your own conclusions.*

*Tigger and I roasted that delicious son of a bitch.

Youtube

Thanks to ANON, who once got Pooh so high he ate like forty jars of honey and then tried to rob a hive at gunpoint.

Sep 8 2009 Mmmm, Blocky: Rolling LEGO Cookie Cutter

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Want to make LEGO shaped cookies? Well you're in luck thanks to this $10 rolling cookie cutter directly from LEGO! Oh, hold the phone -- I just read a review.

I am a very capable and experienced sugar cookie designer. If the dough is not the perfect thickness--not too thick, not too thin, it will stick on the wheel. I very carefully and tediously cut out about 50 of this itty, bitty (1" x 1") bricks on my cookie sheet. I chilled the dough for 1/2 an hour in the refrigerator to help keep the shape during baking. However, they didn't hold their shape during baking because they are so small. They came out of the oven in an unrecognizable shape.

Well, I guess that's out. That's okay though because I bet it still works for Play-Doh. And Play-Doh, as we all know, is delicious. It tastes like gummy-salt! Uh-oh -- another review!

I am so disappointed. We bought the cookie cutter for school bday party and the cake mold for family party. The cookie cutter is cracked on one brick. Used it anyway. The dough sticks to the cutter and is nearly impossible to get it off without ruining the shape. Tried freezing the dough to make it harder. Cuts better but... My son cried after they baked. They look like plain old cookies. The lego shape completely disappears.

BWAHAHAHAHA -- your son cried after they baked! Did you check to make sure his training bra wasn't on too tight? Because that shit can cause serious discomfort. I mean, I'VE HEARD (I wear my roommates bra while she's at work).

Product Site

Thanks to rox, who once won a bake off and bake on IN THE SAME DAY.

Sep 8 2009 Chinese Farmer Builds Himself A Submarine

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Further proof that Chinese farmers can build virtually any mode of transportation with common household ingredients, 34-year old Tao Xiangli went and built himself a fully functional sub. Man the torpedoes!

The Chinese man has built himself his very own sub all on his own, spending two years and 30,000 yuan ($4,385) on the project. It's driven by electric motors and propellers, and even has some extra fixings, including a periscope and a depth control tank.

Tao mainly cruises the beach taking underwater pictures of girls' bikini bottoms, but recently used the sub to attempt mating with a whale. IT TORE HIS ASS UP! I could have warned you Tao, animals that big don't always play nice. *ahem* I'M LOOKING AT YOU, NESSIE!

Hit the jump for a shot of Xao maneuvering his dinghy through a drainage ditch.

Continue Reading " Chinese Farmer Builds Himself A Submarine "

Sep 8 2009 Woops: Cops Called For Halo Sniper Rifle

halo-sniper.jpg

Apparently the cops were called to Bungie Studios (the makers of Halo) after a pedestrian spotted a person carrying what they believed to be an AK-47. Way to know your guns, moron.

A report of a person with an assault weapon walking near Bungie Studios sent a team of police swarming to the Kirkland, Washington studio yesterday afternoon.


Kirkland police, contacted today for more details, said a passerby on their way to the local farmer's market called 911 saying that they thought they saw someone walking down the street with an AK-47 about 4:20 p.m.

The person who had thought they'd seen a gunman in the neighborhood had actually seen a Bungie employee carrying a replica Halo rifle back to the studio's offices, Bungie community director Brian Jarrard told me. Recognizing there was no longer an emergency, officers advised Bungie officials to transport the gun more discretely in the future.

That's great. Although, to the police tipster's credit, I would have totally called the po-po too if I saw somebody like that guy in the picture toting a rifle. And by 'called the po-po' I mean WHIPPED HIS MONKEY ASS. Just saying, I don't practice take-downs on my little sister for nothing. Isn't that right, Jessica? Oh shit -- oh shit -- CHOKE-SLAM!

Police Swarm To Bungie On Weapons Call During Kotaku Visit [kotaku]

Thanks to Richard Belding, who once caught Screech and AC Slater experimenting with each other in the locker room.

Sep 8 2009 Argentinian Geeks Prank Local News Station Monkey Island Style

A group of Argentinian geeks apparently made a Facebook page about how to make grog (kerosene, artificial sweeteners, sulfuric acid, rum with acetone, red dye # 2, axle grease and battery acid), the delicious concoction from Monkey Island, and tipped off a local news channel to the dangers the nation's youth are subjecting themselves. I especially love how they included the XD emoticon as part of the drink name. Nice touch. This just goes to show, you can't believe everything you hear in the news. Unless you read it here, in which case it's like the word of God. But with a deeper, more commanding voice.

Youtube

Thanks to Drenix, Totex, and whoever else sent this whose email I can't find, the next round's on me. BUT NOT LITERALLY. You spill on my shirt and I will punch you in your face.

Sep 8 2009 Impressive: Soda Box Mario At Gas Station

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This is an incredibly impressive Mario themed soda display at an unknown gas station in Mysteryville, USA. Sure there are clues in the picture as to where it was actually taken, but do I look like Sherlock Holmes. This is a crack pipe! Anyway, kudos to whoever spent the time and energy to make such a wicked display. I used to work in a gas station and I never did anything like this. No, I would just get high in the walk-in soda cooler and then wait for the first person to come in to buy a drink. It would smell like ganja when they opened the cooler door! Then I'd give them the wrong change and eat a bunch of candy.

Soda Display Win [failblog]

Thanks to everyone who sent this in, I will make a beer can mosaic in your honor. It will probably be a penis.

Sep 8 2009 Beep Boop Bop: R2-D2 Cookies For Sale

r2-cookies.jpg

Well folks, the holiday weekend is over. And, as much as I'd love to go back and live every second of it all over again, my time machine is broken. And by broken I mean not finished yet. BUT SOME DAY. Anyway, here are some R2-D2 cookies made by Etsy seller SugarandFlour. $13 nets you six of the beep boop boppiest delectables this side of the galaxy. JUST DON'T EAT HIS THIRD LEG. Save that for me. Now come give Obi Geekologie-aroni some kissies you sexy little droid, you!

One more shot after the jump.

Continue Reading " Beep Boop Bop: R2-D2 Cookies For Sale "

Sep 6 2009 No Work: Happy Labor Dabor Day Everyone!

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Hey folks, sorry I had to leave so abruptly on Friday, I was traveling and got into a fistfight at the airport with a man with a large suitcase AND HAD TO WHIP HIS ASS FROM TERMINAL A TO TERMINAL D. Not really, but I was traveling. Anyway, I know I promised I'd have your haiku graded and returned today (some with smiley stickers, others with lots of red), but I forgot it was Labor Day weekend. You see, sometimes even your Geekologie Writer can be an idiot moron. BWAHAHAHAHAHA! I jest, but it is a holiday weekend so I figured I'd wait till Tuesday to reveal the winners and show you the balls. So everybody have a great time tomorrow and remember: don't go to work. Unless you have to, in which case quit.

HAPPY LABOR DABOR DAY EVERYBODY!

Sep 4 2009 It Will Be Mine!: This $15,000 Zelda Plate

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Seller homisydal (don't provoke him!) is selling this 1989 Zelda themed plastic plate for $15,000 on eBay. $15,000, WOW. That sounds kind of unreasonable, doesn't it? Hell no, that's why I bought it. I feel like I robbed the poor bastard!

$15,000 1989 collector's item legend of zelda... plate. as in the one you put food on. [technabob]

Sep 4 2009 Gyro Kid's Bowl Makes Spilling More Difficult

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Let's face it: kids were born to make your life a living hell and wreak havoc on your house and mental health whenever possible (note: this is all speculation, I don't actually have any kids. ANYMORE -- they're all growed up!). So why not minimize the damage the little imps can do to your kitchen with a $10 Gyro Toddler Food Bowl? "No matter which way the handles of this bowl are turned, the food in the middle stays upright." Awesome. Wait -- is that caramel corn? TODDLERS DON'T EAT CARAMEL CORN!! What are you, trying to kill the little bastard? Cause you know they fetch a pretty penny on the black market. I mean, I'VE HEARD. Firsthand (meet me behind the Dollar General).

Gyro bowl makes it harder for kids to make a mess [dvice]

Sep 4 2009 Looks Breakable: New PS4 Concept Art

ps4-1.jpg

From Tai Chiem, the same designer who conceptualized last week's XBox 720 comes this PS4. And here I've been thinking it was a baseball cap glued to a coffee table. Silly me.

As the designer expects, the Playstation 4 will sport a high end touch screen rather than glossy body that the current generation gaming console sports. The CD ROM has a sexy placement and a gloss cover that can be customized would definitely be an added advantage, what say? Even the PS4 controllers are designed to perfectly match with the console and will sport a few touch screen options. From the images given, it seems that the gen next Play station will also have an embedded OLED screen, which makes this Playstation 4 game console here twice as cool as expected, right?

What's up with making everything out of glass? I've got news for you designers -- GLASS ISN'T FUTURISTIC. Self-powered rocket ships, those are futuristic. Glass is oldschool. As a matter of fact, one time I saw a glass bottle from the 1970's. That's before I was even born!

Hit the jump for several other renderings.

Continue Reading " Looks Breakable: New PS4 Concept Art "

Sep 4 2009 Questionable Darth Vader McDonald's Ad

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This is a European ad for McDonald's in which an upset looking Darth Vader force-floats his food in front of himself while a curly haired guy sucks face with a pale hooker in a back booth. It is all part of McDonald's new 'Come as you are' campaign, which, if I'm not mistaken, is Nirvana inspired. Not unlike the McDonald's/Nirvana mashup I've been working on, 'Big Mac-Shaped Box'. No? 'Smells Like Special Sauce?' Ooh -- ooh! -- 'The Man Who Sold the Burgers'!

No Wonder Darth Vader Has Such a Bad Attitude [gizmodo]

Thanks to The Baroness, far too classy for fast food.

Sep 4 2009 Balls Of Steel: F-18 Hornet Buzzes Man's Head

This is a video of an F-18 Hornet buzzing some guy's head so close you can taste the jet fuel. Now I'm not saying this thing would kill you if it hit you, but it would certainly mess your hair up. Also, not to brag or nothin', but one time I let a jet land ON MY FACE. Now who's the man?!

F-18 Hornet Ultra Low High Speed Fly By [todaysbigthing]

Thanks to Matt, who once flew a prop-plane through a barn and accidentally hit a chicken.

Sep 4 2009 Oldschool Flavor: Epic Farm In Farmville

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I don't play Farmville because I don't have time (also, for those of you that do play on Facebook -- I'm tired of getting updates every time your cow gives birth). But if I did you better believe this is what my farm would look like (higher res version HERE). Except Kid Icarus would be there banging Samus in a cornfield. Say metroid! Say it!

Picture

Thanks to Victoria, who has a green thumb and could grow the eyes off a potato.

Sep 3 2009 Kill It With Unkindness!: A Homeless Robot

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Typically I find crazy homeless people cute with their funny signs and nonsensical babble. But not this one. You get no batteries, you hear me -- NO BATTERIES FOR YOU! I'll tell you what -- I would push this sucker down a flight of subway stairs like a street vendor's cart and not even feel bad about it. And if I have to go to a correctional facility and ended up being taken advantage of there, so be it. Haha, I saw that movie! Not really, I just know that that happens.

Homeless Robot [break]

Thanks to Darken, who once Shawshank'd his cellmate for looking at him salaciously.

Sep 3 2009 How To Rob An Apple Store In 31 Seconds

Just like this. IN 31 seconds the thieves made off with 23 Macbook Pro's, 14 iPhones and 9 iPod Touch. Wow. And did anybody else find it annoying how the reporter was speaking during the video? "Watch again as the thieves show skilled practice at bringing down that plate glass door. And savvy enough to wear masks knowing there would be surveillance cameras ALL OVER THE PLACE." Skilled practice, really? THEY THREW A BRICK THROUGH A GLASS DOOR. "Savvy enough to wear masks"? Jesus, it's not like they trained pigeons to rob the store, they tied bandannas around their faces and this guy thinks they're criminal masterminds.

How to Rob an Apple Store [buzzfeed]

Thanks to Greg, Gino, Sarah and The Superficial Writer, who could have done it in 29 seconds AND snagged a couple iPhone cases.

Sep 3 2009 Eeeek, Kill Them!: I-SWARM Robotic Army

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Bugs don't scare me. But tiny robots? Tiny robots scare the shit out of me. Just look at those evil bastards ganging up on that defenseless screw. It's sickening.

These tiny (4 millimeters on a side) robots are members of the I-SWARM project, which stands for Intelligent Small-World Autonomous Robots for Micro-manipulation. Each robot is simple, with three legs and a little poker to manipulate stuff with. They're designed to work in large, cheap, mass producible, replaceable groups doing things that insects would be good at... Surveillance, obviously, but they could also do things like clean your house by taking care of one bit of dust each.

No, really, this isn't necessary. If I wanted teeny little robots running around everywhere I would have killed myself and gone to hell. Because that's exactly what it's like. Except they're on fire. And they crawl in your holes.

I-SWARM Micro Robots [botjunkie] (the very thought of which makes me sick)

Thanks to Nick, Michael, MDGrein, Ashley and Skynet (screw you!), who are all cool in my book. Except for Skynet. Skynet should implode.

Sep 3 2009 'Gravity Tractor' May Prevent Us From Going Out Like The Dinosaurs (Read: In Style)

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Apparently some people are worried that the earth might get struck by an asteroid at some point in time and screw up humankind's plans to eff this world up on our own. Yeah -- who invited you, asteroid?! So what do we do? Build a Gravity Tractor (suck it, John Deere!) to avert certain death. Bitchin'.

NASA's Near Earth Object program currently has 145 potentially hazardous asteroids on its list out of 1,062 objects larger than one kilometer in diameter, and 6,292 total discovered objects. What's all that mean? Well, that there's a lot of stuff out there that could potentially impact our planet -- some of it pretty big.


So instead of sending shuttle crews up at the last minute to blow an approaching asteroid up, British astronomers at the Astrophysics Research Centre are planning to build a 10-ton "gravity tractor" spacecraft that will influence the object's trajectory. The process would take some time -- a craft would have to be launched 15 years in advance to really have an effect -- but, once the tractor arrives, it'd hover close by an asteroid and gently guide it along a different path.

Listen NASA, I know we've had our differences in the past (I never touched that alien!), but I would like to volunteer to drive the Gravity Tractor. I have every reason to believe I'd be the perfect candidate: I have mowed my parents' yard several times and I only hit the fence twice and ran over a sprinkler. Also, I have a natural passion for heavy machinery, especially after drinking. You think about it.

Britain plans 'gravity tractor' to protect Earth from asteroids [dvice]

Sep 3 2009 Ouch: Helping Hands Condom Applicator

This is a commercial for the Helping Hands condom applicator. And, after seeing it, I'd trust a fire-breathing dragon with a toothache to be gentler. And I'm not just saying that because I'm trying to get some, but, well, dragons and dinosaurs ARE related.

Helping Hands Condom Applicator Makes Me Shrivel Up in Fear [gizmodo]

Sep 3 2009 New And Improved: The Bookmark II

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I typically use a gum wrapper or dog-ear the pages to mark my place in a book, but hey, a glorified rubber band, that's cool.

The Bookmark II is a simple rubber band with an arrow on one side and a "Bookmark" tab on the other. The arrow allows you to point to the line you were last reading and the tab to open the book up to the appropriate page. It's simple.

If you'll notice, the arrow in the picture is pointing to a line with a dirty word. That's subliminal advertising! It's working too, I just ordered a hundred. I'm gonna wear them like LIVESTRONG bracelets!

The Bookmark II [ohgizmo]

Sep 3 2009 Scientists: "All Humans Are Mutants"

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Scientists are claiming that each human has between 100 and 200 genetic mutations in their DNA. Me? I have two fingers....I have four fingers.

Joseph Nadeau, from the Case Western Reserve University in the US, who was not involved in this study said: "New mutations are the source of inherited variation, some of which can lead to disease and dysfunction, and some of which determine the nature and pace of evolutionary change.


"These are exciting times," he added.

"We are finally obtaining good reliable estimates of genetic features that are urgently needed to understand who we are genetically."

Listen: you can go right on being a freak all you want, but I ain't no damn mutant. I have never even met Professor X! Who, that old guy? The bald one in the wheelchair? Nobody.

We're all mutants, say scientists [bbcnews]

Thanks to Totex and Slava, who only got the incredibly good looking mutations. Lucky.

Sep 2 2009 CONTEST: Win Free Buckyball Magnets!

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That's right folks, you wanna win your very own set of Buckyball rare earth magnets? Well you're in luck, cause I've got 5 free sets to give away!

Each set contains 216 powerful rare earth magnets that can be shaped, molded, torn apart and snapped together in UNLIMITED WAYS. Make sculptures, puzzles, patterns, shapes, stick stuff to the fridge, invent a new game--trying to find something more useful is useless.

The magnets regularly sell for $30 plus $6 shipping (buy two get free shipping), but the first 40 people to order and use promo code "geek" will get 20% off.

As for winning a free set, I'm holding a haiku contest. If you don't know what a haiku is go HERE (no seasonal reference necessary). To read Anticlown's contest policy go HERE. Then, enter your best Geekologie themed haiku IN THE COMMENTS. I will be choosing one grand prize winner to win two (2) sets, and 3 runners up to each receive one (1) set. I will be judging based entirely on my own sense of theology and geometry.

ONE POEM PER EMAIL ADDRESS. I WILL CHECK TO SEE IF YOU'VE ENTERED MORE THAN ONCE IF YOU WIN. So go open a million different Gmail accounts. Contest ends 5 PM Eastern, Sunday, September 6th and winners will be announced that night. I have provided the haiku below to get you all started.

Internet Awesome

The Geekologie Writer
Never Touched A Girl

There you have it, now GO GO GO!

UPDATE: CHECK YOUR POEMS, 5-7-5 SYLLABLES FOLKS, NOT WORDS. Not following proper format will result in disqualification and me whipping your ass.

UPDATE UPDATE: STOP SENDING THE HAIKU AS TIPS ENTER THEM IN THE COMMENTS I WILL KILL YOU ALL.

Buckyballs Product Page

Sep 2 2009 Record: 13,000 People Dancing To Thriller

13,957 people recently came together in Mexico to dance to Michael Jackson's Thriller and set the world record for worst waste of a hot afternoon. Which, I might note, just beat out the previous record held by yours truly when I didn't drink one scorching afternoon in August.

Youtube

Thanks to naas, who keeps asking me to call him the Thrilla from Illi(nois) but I refuse.

Sep 2 2009 Tactical Canned Bacon Has 10-Year Shelf Life

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Sure we've seen canned bacon before, but I don't want to seem I give preferential treatment to one pig's belly over another, so here's Tac Bac! Like its competitor, this bacon is good for TEN FREAKIN' YEARS. Buy now and you can eat the very same can in 2019 while huddled in your basement praying the robots' heat sensors can't reach you down there. Each tactical can will set you back $16 and contains approximately 54 strips of fatty pig. Definitely not the cheapest thing to survive on, but it's worlds better than ten year old Ho-Hos and Ding Dongs, which, I don't care if they're the last things on earth, are still illegal.

ThinkGeek

Thanks to MDGrein, JFreezy, stereotypical, Harsh, Cpt. Awesome, Ste, Hammer, Dave, LucidSteel, Bryan, shogunu, and anyone I may have missed, you are all welcome to take shelter in my robot-proof lair, but only because I love sausage fests.

Sep 2 2009 Japan To Build An Outerspace Power Plant (To Power The Robots Of The Apocalypse)

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Somebody better blast a proton torpedo through this thing's auxiliary exhaust port or it's game over, man. I'm serious too -- if you don't think this thing isn't gonna be powering our metallic harbingers of death, you're delusional. So, yeah, Japan is coughing up $21 billion to have a bigass solar panel floating around in space and sending the energy back to planet urf.

[The power station] will beam enough energy back to Earth to power 294,000 homes. With no cables.


The whole deal is being put together by Mitsubishi Electric Corp. and industrial design company IGI Corp. The plan involves a gigantic solar panel floating around in space, soaking up a gigawatt of energy and beaming it to Earth without the use of cables. And they hope to have it ready to rock within four years.

Wow, you're not gonna wanna get in the way of that energy beam. Because one time I stood in front of a satellite internet dish for too long and 0101001010 10011 00001 01010010 1010 010100111 0101. Whoa, what just happened -- and why are my pants wet?

Japan to Spend $21,000,000,000 on a Power Plant in F%#king Space [gizmodo]

Thanks to Brian and Schmitty, who know the only the only good station in space is a topless service station with a Slush Puppy machine and lots of candy.

Sep 2 2009 Silent But Violent: Students Made Gas Detector

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Two college students went and made a fart detector. Nice one guys, but I can honestly say I never made anything like this in college. ALL I MADE WERE STRAIGHT C's AND LOVE TO WOMEN. Ooooooh!

I'm sure the two Cornell computer engineering students who made it are quite bright, and combining a hydrogen sulfide monitor, a thermometer, a microphone and custom software was impressive.

Um, no. You see, I don't know if you knew this or not but God gave us all our own fart detectors. Take a big whiff. Does it smell like ass? Congratulations, you shat yourself.

Fart detector solves a problem I've never encountered [dvice]

Sep 2 2009 Chubby Boy To Surrogate Mother, "Bacon Is Good For Me"

This is a short video from the television show Wife Swap featuring a health-conscious surrogate mother who is throwing away all the junk food in a family's kitchen when young Sir Eat A Lot makes a stand when he sees the bacon making its exit. A BACON STAND. Like a lemonade one, but even more delicious...
...
...
...OMG I'M GONNA BE RICH!

Youtube

Thanks to TeckniX, asiantom and naas, who have actually gotten into fisticuffs over spray cheese before.

Sep 2 2009 He's A Little Clingy: Spiderman Backpack

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This $45 backpack carries a reasonable amount of stuff and makes it look like you're giving miniature Spiderman a piggyback ride. Or, if you're a real pervert like tipster Ste, like he's trying to get his spidey senses tingling from behind. Which, eeew -- that stuff that comes out of his hands is bad enough. I jest, you know I love it when you spray me with that shit, Spidey!

Product Site

via
Spider-Man Backpack [likecool]

Thanks to Ste and naas, who both got their Wonder Woman backpacks taken away for improper treatment.

Sep 2 2009 Makes A Perfect Gift: Man Eating LEGO Pits

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Two LEGO posts in a row involving scary shit with teeth -- BOOSH! So some guy started a website called igotyouamaneatingpit.com that sells man-eating pits made of LEGO. These are two examples of the seemingly endless possibilities. Pits start in the low $20's and go up from there. They are completely customizable by choosing a feeding system (person), food escape system (bike, monkey, etc.) and theme pack. They make the perfect gift for that person on your gift list who already has everything -- everything but a man-eating pit! Which, haha, come standard on some female models. I've seen toothy vaginas!

I Got You A Man Eating Pit

Thanks to Eddy and Jake, who tried to make DUPLO man-eating pits but they just weren't that scary.

Sep 1 2009 Sandwormy: Dune Scene In LEGO Form

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This is a sandworm scene from Dune rendered in LEGO form. I like it, simple but effective. And, not to brag or anything, but I've totally ridden a sandworm to the center of the earth before. It was hot (plus the devil is a real dick), but not as hot as the time I flew a unicorn into the sun. Which, funny story: was hot enough to burn my corn's tail off. He whinnied in pain so I got pissed and punched the sun in the taint for it. And that, my friends, is where night comes from.

Frank Herbert's Dune [brickshelf] (with more pics)
via
LEGO playsets that never were... DUNE [make]

Thanks to Coby, who's getting married this weekend. Congratulations -- I'd lend you my unicorn to ride away from the wedding on but now there's nothing to tie the cans to :(

Sep 1 2009 Volcano-y: Time Lapse Footage Of LA Wildfires

This is some time lapse footage of the LA wildfires as shot by photographer Brandon Riza. As you will see, they are super smokey. And not smokey like "and the bandit" either. Like fire-smokey. And where there's smoke there's....say -- mind if I hit that? Fun fact: Smokey the Bear secretly gets high BUT WILL ONLY USE A VAPORIZER.

Brandon Riza
via
Amazing, and scary, timelapse footage of the Los Angeles Station fire [agentmlovestacos]

Sep 1 2009 Geekologie Readers Find Love On Omegle

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Remember the article from a while ago about Omegle, the website that gets you randomly chatting to some stranger with candy? Well two Geekologie Readers hooked up on the site after reading the article about it and are now madly in love and totally gonna get married and have a white picket fence or whatever the hell people do whose marriages don't end in bitter divorce. Per Jessica, the lucky lady:

well i'm in this relationship...and i must tell you we met on the infamous OMEGLE. ...no i am not lying....i totally would have saved our conversation if i'd known we would be in this relationship now....annd...i think we'll end up getting married one day.....HOW WEIRD IS THIS???

How weird is this? More like HOW AWESOME AND CONGRATULATIONS GUYS. I took a stab at OMEGLE-ING love myself (picture above) and you can see how well it worked out for me. Promising in the beginning, penis-y in the end: the life and times of the Geekologie Writer.

Omegle

Thanks Jessica, Geekologie wishes you two the best.

Sep 1 2009 I Must Have It!: Magical Unicorn Juice

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Some guy on eBay recently sold the last jar of unicorn semen in the United States for $31 plus $3 flat rate shipping. If you were the buyer please contact me, as I must have some. *ahem* For science, for science (if I repeat things it makes them real).

This is possibly the only jar of Unicorn semen left in the united states.Unicorns were bred for their magic and keen night hunting skills to protect lepreachauns that had been injured in battle during the civil war. Unicorns were only found in two places on the planet, the northern and southern hemispheres. Anyone in possession of this rare and magical fluid will be able to swim with the wolves and fly with the dolphins as its powers are still being found.I opened the jar while i was on my computer and my computer flickered for a minute and i realized the semen had helped me kill Yogg-Saron on my World of Warcraft account and i recieved the Shawl of Haunted memories and the Mantle of the Wayward Conqueror. i have already been blessed and recieved my gift...so i'm going to pass the power onto someone else. Do not drink the unicorn semen as the power is too much for the human digestive system and could change your DNA and give you the shits. Bid, but Bid Wisely.

Do not drink, my ass. I have an iron stomach (and lung) and am gonna guzzle that whole jar like I'm shotgunning a beer. LASER VISION, YOU WILL BE MINE!

eBay Auction

Thanks Chris, but if I found out you bought it and aren't sharing, well, that's just cruel. GIVE ME A SIP!

Sep 1 2009 It's No Wrist Rest: The Computer Key Seat

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Don't smile at me like that! I can tell these $125 computer key seats have been around for a while because of the '© 2004' text in the image. What can I say, I'm observant. Hey -- I saw that! Anyway, this was the first time I'd seen these chairs so they're new to me. If they're not new to you, congratulations, you've been around the block (internet whore).

This unique stool is a great low-tech item for any computer geek. Insert this eye-catching seat in the dorm, game room or even an internet café . The contoured shape holds your backspace just like your finger rests in a key. Measures 22 inches square and 15 inches high and has 'sit' printed on the top. We also offer to customize these stools with your own message or logo.

Yes, but I want mine to be a delete key. Get it? Because I want to delete my fat ass! I heard you want an insert. HIYO!

Product Site

Thanks to Kristin, who wants an escape.

Sep 1 2009 Possessed: The Boy Who Cries Wolf Blood

15-year old Calvino Inman is just like any other 15 year old boy. Except he's possessed by the devil and cries tears of blood. BURN HIM WITH FIRE! Now I'm not saying this a hoax, but I am saying I caught Calvino siphoning red food coloring up his ass (strictly by accident, I swear). DUM DUM DUM! Book 'em, Danno.

Youtube

Thanks to leftRIGHTleft, who has to remind herself how to walk or she gets all tripped up.

Sep 1 2009 I LIKE BIG LETTERS: WOMAN FIRED FOR USING CAPS IN A COMPANY EMAIL

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Yelling, as you may well know, is a great way to get your point across. And capitalization is yelling's written equivalent. Don't believe me? LET'S TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!

An accountant in NZ has been awarded $17,000 NZD for unfair dismissal after her boss fired her without warning for using uppercase letters in a single email to co-workers. The email, which advises her team how to fill out staff claim forms, specifies a time and date highlighted in bold red, and a sentence written in capitals and highlighted in bold blue. It reads: 'To ensure your staff claim is processed and paid, please do follow the below checklist.' Her boss deemed the capital letters too confrontational for her co-workers to read after they woke up from naptime.

I love capital letters. I don't want to marry them or anything, but I would go out on a couple dates and maybe slip a big W the tongue. Don't judge me -- I'LL TELL EVERYONE YOU BANG NUMBERS AND SYMBOLS!

Woman Fired For Using Uppercase In Email [slashdot]

Thanks to Jen, who once popped a caps lock in some bitch's ass for frontin'.

Sep 1 2009 Polish Vacationers Allegedly Film Yeti

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Allegedly a couple of Poles filmed a real life Yeti while on vacation in the Tatra mountains. I didn't even know there were Polish Yetis, but I do now. Say -- how many do you think it takes to screw in an energy efficient light bulb?

"I saw this huge ape-like form hiding behind the rocks. When I saw it it was like being struck by a thunderbolt," he told the Superexpress.


"Coming from Warsaw, I never really believed the local stories of a wild mountain ape-man roaming the slopes. But, now I do."

"The film clearly shows 'something' that moves on two legs and is bigger than a normal man," says Robert Bernatowicz, president of the Nautilus Foundation.

Interesting. And you know what? I kind of believe it. Like two Poles could possibly plan a hoax!

Hit the jump for the (unsurprisingly) horrible quality video.

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