Sep 4 2009 It Will Be Mine!: This $15,000 Zelda Plate

Seller homisydal (don't provoke him!) is selling this 1989 Zelda themed plastic plate for $15,000 on eBay. $15,000, WOW. That sounds kind of unreasonable, doesn't it? Hell no, that's why I bought it. I feel like I robbed the poor bastard!

$15,000 1989 collector's item legend of zelda... plate. as in the one you put food on. [technabob]

Sep 4 2009 Gyro Kid's Bowl Makes Spilling More Difficult

Let's face it: kids were born to make your life a living hell and wreak havoc on your house and mental health whenever possible (note: this is all speculation, I don't actually have any kids. ANYMORE -- they're all growed up!). So why not minimize the damage the little imps can do to your kitchen with a $10 Gyro Toddler Food Bowl? "No matter which way the handles of this bowl are turned, the food in the middle stays upright." Awesome. Wait -- is that caramel corn? TODDLERS DON'T EAT CARAMEL CORN!! What are you, trying to kill the little bastard? Cause you know they fetch a pretty penny on the black market. I mean, I'VE HEARD. Firsthand (meet me behind the Dollar General).

Gyro bowl makes it harder for kids to make a mess [dvice]

Sep 4 2009 Looks Breakable: New PS4 Concept Art

From Tai Chiem, the same designer who conceptualized last week's XBox 720 comes this PS4. And here I've been thinking it was a baseball cap glued to a coffee table. Silly me.

As the designer expects, the Playstation 4 will sport a high end touch screen rather than glossy body that the current generation gaming console sports. The CD ROM has a sexy placement and a gloss cover that can be customized would definitely be an added advantage, what say? Even the PS4 controllers are designed to perfectly match with the console and will sport a few touch screen options. From the images given, it seems that the gen next Play station will also have an embedded OLED screen, which makes this Playstation 4 game console here twice as cool as expected, right?

What's up with making everything out of glass? I've got news for you designers -- GLASS ISN'T FUTURISTIC. Self-powered rocket ships, those are futuristic. Glass is oldschool. As a matter of fact, one time I saw a glass bottle from the 1970's. That's before I was even born!

Hit the jump for several other renderings.

Continue Reading " Looks Breakable: New PS4 Concept Art "

Sep 4 2009 Questionable Darth Vader McDonald's Ad

This is a European ad for McDonald's in which an upset looking Darth Vader force-floats his food in front of himself while a curly haired guy sucks face with a pale hooker in a back booth. It is all part of McDonald's new 'Come as you are' campaign, which, if I'm not mistaken, is Nirvana inspired. Not unlike the McDonald's/Nirvana mashup I've been working on, 'Big Mac-Shaped Box'. No? 'Smells Like Special Sauce?' Ooh -- ooh! -- 'The Man Who Sold the Burgers'!

No Wonder Darth Vader Has Such a Bad Attitude [gizmodo]

Thanks to The Baroness, far too classy for fast food.

Sep 4 2009 Balls Of Steel: F-18 Hornet Buzzes Man's Head

This is a video of an F-18 Hornet buzzing some guy's head so close you can taste the jet fuel. Now I'm not saying this thing would kill you if it hit you, but it would certainly mess your hair up. Also, not to brag or nothin', but one time I let a jet land ON MY FACE. Now who's the man?!

F-18 Hornet Ultra Low High Speed Fly By [todaysbigthing]

Thanks to Matt, who once flew a prop-plane through a barn and accidentally hit a chicken.

Sep 4 2009 Oldschool Flavor: Epic Farm In Farmville

I don't play Farmville because I don't have time (also, for those of you that do play on Facebook -- I'm tired of getting updates every time your cow gives birth). But if I did you better believe this is what my farm would look like (higher res version HERE). Except Kid Icarus would be there banging Samus in a cornfield. Say metroid! Say it!

Picture

Thanks to Victoria, who has a green thumb and could grow the eyes off a potato.

Sep 3 2009 Kill It With Unkindness!: A Homeless Robot

Typically I find crazy homeless people cute with their funny signs and nonsensical babble. But not this one. You get no batteries, you hear me -- NO BATTERIES FOR YOU! I'll tell you what -- I would push this sucker down a flight of subway stairs like a street vendor's cart and not even feel bad about it. And if I have to go to a correctional facility and ended up being taken advantage of there, so be it. Haha, I saw that movie! Not really, I just know that that happens.

Homeless Robot [break]

Thanks to Darken, who once Shawshank'd his cellmate for looking at him salaciously.

Sep 3 2009 How To Rob An Apple Store In 31 Seconds

Just like this. IN 31 seconds the thieves made off with 23 Macbook Pro's, 14 iPhones and 9 iPod Touch. Wow. And did anybody else find it annoying how the reporter was speaking during the video? "Watch again as the thieves show skilled practice at bringing down that plate glass door. And savvy enough to wear masks knowing there would be surveillance cameras ALL OVER THE PLACE." Skilled practice, really? THEY THREW A BRICK THROUGH A GLASS DOOR. "Savvy enough to wear masks"? Jesus, it's not like they trained pigeons to rob the store, they tied bandannas around their faces and this guy thinks they're criminal masterminds.

How to Rob an Apple Store [buzzfeed]

Thanks to Greg, Gino, Sarah and The Superficial Writer, who could have done it in 29 seconds AND snagged a couple iPhone cases.

Sep 3 2009 Eeeek, Kill Them!: I-SWARM Robotic Army

Bugs don't scare me. But tiny robots? Tiny robots scare the shit out of me. Just look at those evil bastards ganging up on that defenseless screw. It's sickening.

These tiny (4 millimeters on a side) robots are members of the I-SWARM project, which stands for Intelligent Small-World Autonomous Robots for Micro-manipulation. Each robot is simple, with three legs and a little poker to manipulate stuff with. They're designed to work in large, cheap, mass producible, replaceable groups doing things that insects would be good at... Surveillance, obviously, but they could also do things like clean your house by taking care of one bit of dust each.

No, really, this isn't necessary. If I wanted teeny little robots running around everywhere I would have killed myself and gone to hell. Because that's exactly what it's like. Except they're on fire. And they crawl in your holes.

I-SWARM Micro Robots [botjunkie] (the very thought of which makes me sick)

Thanks to Nick, Michael, MDGrein, Ashley and Skynet (screw you!), who are all cool in my book. Except for Skynet. Skynet should implode.

Sep 3 2009 'Gravity Tractor' May Prevent Us From Going Out Like The Dinosaurs (Read: In Style)

Apparently some people are worried that the earth might get struck by an asteroid at some point in time and screw up humankind's plans to eff this world up on our own. Yeah -- who invited you, asteroid?! So what do we do? Build a Gravity Tractor (suck it, John Deere!) to avert certain death. Bitchin'.

NASA's Near Earth Object program currently has 145 potentially hazardous asteroids on its list out of 1,062 objects larger than one kilometer in diameter, and 6,292 total discovered objects. What's all that mean? Well, that there's a lot of stuff out there that could potentially impact our planet -- some of it pretty big.

So instead of sending shuttle crews up at the last minute to blow an approaching asteroid up, British astronomers at the Astrophysics Research Centre are planning to build a 10-ton "gravity tractor" spacecraft that will influence the object's trajectory. The process would take some time -- a craft would have to be launched 15 years in advance to really have an effect -- but, once the tractor arrives, it'd hover close by an asteroid and gently guide it along a different path.

Listen NASA, I know we've had our differences in the past (I never touched that alien!), but I would like to volunteer to drive the Gravity Tractor. I have every reason to believe I'd be the perfect candidate: I have mowed my parents' yard several times and I only hit the fence twice and ran over a sprinkler. Also, I have a natural passion for heavy machinery, especially after drinking. You think about it.

Britain plans 'gravity tractor' to protect Earth from asteroids [dvice]

Sep 3 2009 Ouch: Helping Hands Condom Applicator

This is a commercial for the Helping Hands condom applicator. And, after seeing it, I'd trust a fire-breathing dragon with a toothache to be gentler. And I'm not just saying that because I'm trying to get some, but, well, dragons and dinosaurs ARE related.

Helping Hands Condom Applicator Makes Me Shrivel Up in Fear [gizmodo]

Sep 3 2009 New And Improved: The Bookmark II

I typically use a gum wrapper or dog-ear the pages to mark my place in a book, but hey, a glorified rubber band, that's cool.

The Bookmark II is a simple rubber band with an arrow on one side and a "Bookmark" tab on the other. The arrow allows you to point to the line you were last reading and the tab to open the book up to the appropriate page. It's simple.

If you'll notice, the arrow in the picture is pointing to a line with a dirty word. That's subliminal advertising! It's working too, I just ordered a hundred. I'm gonna wear them like LIVESTRONG bracelets!

The Bookmark II [ohgizmo]

Sep 3 2009 Scientists: "All Humans Are Mutants"

Scientists are claiming that each human has between 100 and 200 genetic mutations in their DNA. Me? I have two fingers....I have four fingers.

Joseph Nadeau, from the Case Western Reserve University in the US, who was not involved in this study said: "New mutations are the source of inherited variation, some of which can lead to disease and dysfunction, and some of which determine the nature and pace of evolutionary change.

"These are exciting times," he added.

"We are finally obtaining good reliable estimates of genetic features that are urgently needed to understand who we are genetically."

Listen: you can go right on being a freak all you want, but I ain't no damn mutant. I have never even met Professor X! Who, that old guy? The bald one in the wheelchair? Nobody.

We're all mutants, say scientists [bbcnews]

Thanks to Totex and Slava, who only got the incredibly good looking mutations. Lucky.

Sep 2 2009 CONTEST: Win Free Buckyball Magnets!

That's right folks, you wanna win your very own set of Buckyball rare earth magnets? Well you're in luck, cause I've got 5 free sets to give away!

Each set contains 216 powerful rare earth magnets that can be shaped, molded, torn apart and snapped together in UNLIMITED WAYS. Make sculptures, puzzles, patterns, shapes, stick stuff to the fridge, invent a new game--trying to find something more useful is useless.

The magnets regularly sell for $30 plus $6 shipping (buy two get free shipping), but the first 40 people to order and use promo code "geek" will get 20% off.

As for winning a free set, I'm holding a haiku contest. If you don't know what a haiku is go HERE (no seasonal reference necessary). To read Anticlown's contest policy go HERE. Then, enter your best Geekologie themed haiku IN THE COMMENTS. I will be choosing one grand prize winner to win two (2) sets, and 3 runners up to each receive one (1) set. I will be judging based entirely on my own sense of theology and geometry.

ONE POEM PER EMAIL ADDRESS. I WILL CHECK TO SEE IF YOU'VE ENTERED MORE THAN ONCE IF YOU WIN. So go open a million different Gmail accounts. Contest ends 5 PM Eastern, Sunday, September 6th and winners will be announced that night. I have provided the haiku below to get you all started.

There you have it, now GO GO GO!

UPDATE: CHECK YOUR POEMS, 5-7-5 SYLLABLES FOLKS, NOT WORDS. Not following proper format will result in disqualification and me whipping your ass.

UPDATE UPDATE: STOP SENDING THE HAIKU AS TIPS ENTER THEM IN THE COMMENTS I WILL KILL YOU ALL.

Buckyballs Product Page

Sep 2 2009 Record: 13,000 People Dancing To Thriller

13,957 people recently came together in Mexico to dance to Michael Jackson's Thriller and set the world record for worst waste of a hot afternoon. Which, I might note, just beat out the previous record held by yours truly when I didn't drink one scorching afternoon in August.

Youtube

Thanks to naas, who keeps asking me to call him the Thrilla from Illi(nois) but I refuse.

Sep 2 2009 Tactical Canned Bacon Has 10-Year Shelf Life

Sure we've seen canned bacon before, but I don't want to seem I give preferential treatment to one pig's belly over another, so here's Tac Bac! Like its competitor, this bacon is good for TEN FREAKIN' YEARS. Buy now and you can eat the very same can in 2019 while huddled in your basement praying the robots' heat sensors can't reach you down there. Each tactical can will set you back $16 and contains approximately 54 strips of fatty pig. Definitely not the cheapest thing to survive on, but it's worlds better than ten year old Ho-Hos and Ding Dongs, which, I don't care if they're the last things on earth, are still illegal.

ThinkGeek

Thanks to MDGrein, JFreezy, stereotypical, Harsh, Cpt. Awesome, Ste, Hammer, Dave, LucidSteel, Bryan, shogunu, and anyone I may have missed, you are all welcome to take shelter in my robot-proof lair, but only because I love sausage fests.

Sep 2 2009 Japan To Build An Outerspace Power Plant (To Power The Robots Of The Apocalypse)

Somebody better blast a proton torpedo through this thing's auxiliary exhaust port or it's game over, man. I'm serious too -- if you don't think this thing isn't gonna be powering our metallic harbingers of death, you're delusional. So, yeah, Japan is coughing up $21 billion to have a bigass solar panel floating around in space and sending the energy back to planet urf.

[The power station] will beam enough energy back to Earth to power 294,000 homes. With no cables.

The whole deal is being put together by Mitsubishi Electric Corp. and industrial design company IGI Corp. The plan involves a gigantic solar panel floating around in space, soaking up a gigawatt of energy and beaming it to Earth without the use of cables. And they hope to have it ready to rock within four years.

Wow, you're not gonna wanna get in the way of that energy beam. Because one time I stood in front of a satellite internet dish for too long and 0101001010 10011 00001 01010010 1010 010100111 0101. Whoa, what just happened -- and why are my pants wet?

Japan to Spend $21,000,000,000 on a Power Plant in F%#king Space [gizmodo]

Thanks to Brian and Schmitty, who know the only the only good station in space is a topless service station with a Slush Puppy machine and lots of candy.

Sep 2 2009 Silent But Violent: Students Made Gas Detector

Two college students went and made a fart detector. Nice one guys, but I can honestly say I never made anything like this in college. ALL I MADE WERE STRAIGHT C's AND LOVE TO WOMEN. Ooooooh!

I'm sure the two Cornell computer engineering students who made it are quite bright, and combining a hydrogen sulfide monitor, a thermometer, a microphone and custom software was impressive.

Um, no. You see, I don't know if you knew this or not but God gave us all our own fart detectors. Take a big whiff. Does it smell like ass? Congratulations, you shat yourself.

Fart detector solves a problem I've never encountered [dvice]

Sep 2 2009 Chubby Boy To Surrogate Mother, "Bacon Is Good For Me"

This is a short video from the television show Wife Swap featuring a health-conscious surrogate mother who is throwing away all the junk food in a family's kitchen when young Sir Eat A Lot makes a stand when he sees the bacon making its exit. A BACON STAND. Like a lemonade one, but even more delicious...
...
...
...OMG I'M GONNA BE RICH!

Youtube

Thanks to TeckniX, asiantom and naas, who have actually gotten into fisticuffs over spray cheese before.

Sep 2 2009 He's A Little Clingy: Spiderman Backpack

This $45 backpack carries a reasonable amount of stuff and makes it look like you're giving miniature Spiderman a piggyback ride. Or, if you're a real pervert like tipster Ste, like he's trying to get his spidey senses tingling from behind. Which, eeew -- that stuff that comes out of his hands is bad enough. I jest, you know I love it when you spray me with that shit, Spidey!

Product Site
via
Spider-Man Backpack [likecool]

Thanks to Ste and naas, who both got their Wonder Woman backpacks taken away for improper treatment.

Sep 2 2009 Makes A Perfect Gift: Man Eating LEGO Pits

Two LEGO posts in a row involving scary shit with teeth -- BOOSH! So some guy started a website called igotyouamaneatingpit.com that sells man-eating pits made of LEGO. These are two examples of the seemingly endless possibilities. Pits start in the low $20's and go up from there. They are completely customizable by choosing a feeding system (person), food escape system (bike, monkey, etc.) and theme pack. They make the perfect gift for that person on your gift list who already has everything -- everything but a man-eating pit! Which, haha, come standard on some female models. I've seen toothy vaginas!

I Got You A Man Eating Pit

Thanks to Eddy and Jake, who tried to make DUPLO man-eating pits but they just weren't that scary.

Sep 1 2009 Sandwormy: Dune Scene In LEGO Form

This is a sandworm scene from Dune rendered in LEGO form. I like it, simple but effective. And, not to brag or anything, but I've totally ridden a sandworm to the center of the earth before. It was hot (plus the devil is a real dick), but not as hot as the time I flew a unicorn into the sun. Which, funny story: was hot enough to burn my corn's tail off. He whinnied in pain so I got pissed and punched the sun in the taint for it. And that, my friends, is where night comes from.

Frank Herbert's Dune [brickshelf] (with more pics)
via
LEGO playsets that never were... DUNE [make]

Thanks to Coby, who's getting married this weekend. Congratulations -- I'd lend you my unicorn to ride away from the wedding on but now there's nothing to tie the cans to :(

Sep 1 2009 Volcano-y: Time Lapse Footage Of LA Wildfires

This is some time lapse footage of the LA wildfires as shot by photographer Brandon Riza. As you will see, they are super smokey. And not smokey like "and the bandit" either. Like fire-smokey. And where there's smoke there's....say -- mind if I hit that? Fun fact: Smokey the Bear secretly gets high BUT WILL ONLY USE A VAPORIZER.

Brandon Riza
via
Amazing, and scary, timelapse footage of the Los Angeles Station fire [agentmlovestacos]

Sep 1 2009 Geekologie Readers Find Love On Omegle

Remember the article from a while ago about Omegle, the website that gets you randomly chatting to some stranger with candy? Well two Geekologie Readers hooked up on the site after reading the article about it and are now madly in love and totally gonna get married and have a white picket fence or whatever the hell people do whose marriages don't end in bitter divorce. Per Jessica, the lucky lady:

well i'm in this relationship...and i must tell you we met on the infamous OMEGLE. ...no i am not lying....i totally would have saved our conversation if i'd known we would be in this relationship now....annd...i think we'll end up getting married one day.....HOW WEIRD IS THIS???

How weird is this? More like HOW AWESOME AND CONGRATULATIONS GUYS. I took a stab at OMEGLE-ING love myself (picture above) and you can see how well it worked out for me. Promising in the beginning, penis-y in the end: the life and times of the Geekologie Writer.

Omegle

Thanks Jessica, Geekologie wishes you two the best.

Sep 1 2009 I Must Have It!: Magical Unicorn Juice

Some guy on eBay recently sold the last jar of unicorn semen in the United States for $31 plus $3 flat rate shipping. If you were the buyer please contact me, as I must have some. *ahem* For science, for science (if I repeat things it makes them real).

This is possibly the only jar of Unicorn semen left in the united states.Unicorns were bred for their magic and keen night hunting skills to protect lepreachauns that had been injured in battle during the civil war. Unicorns were only found in two places on the planet, the northern and southern hemispheres. Anyone in possession of this rare and magical fluid will be able to swim with the wolves and fly with the dolphins as its powers are still being found.I opened the jar while i was on my computer and my computer flickered for a minute and i realized the semen had helped me kill Yogg-Saron on my World of Warcraft account and i recieved the Shawl of Haunted memories and the Mantle of the Wayward Conqueror. i have already been blessed and recieved my gift...so i'm going to pass the power onto someone else. Do not drink the unicorn semen as the power is too much for the human digestive system and could change your DNA and give you the shits. Bid, but Bid Wisely.

Do not drink, my ass. I have an iron stomach (and lung) and am gonna guzzle that whole jar like I'm shotgunning a beer. LASER VISION, YOU WILL BE MINE!

eBay Auction

Thanks Chris, but if I found out you bought it and aren't sharing, well, that's just cruel. GIVE ME A SIP!

Sep 1 2009 It's No Wrist Rest: The Computer Key Seat

Don't smile at me like that! I can tell these $125 computer key seats have been around for a while because of the '© 2004' text in the image. What can I say, I'm observant. Hey -- I saw that! Anyway, this was the first time I'd seen these chairs so they're new to me. If they're not new to you, congratulations, you've been around the block (internet whore).

This unique stool is a great low-tech item for any computer geek. Insert this eye-catching seat in the dorm, game room or even an internet café . The contoured shape holds your backspace just like your finger rests in a key. Measures 22 inches square and 15 inches high and has 'sit' printed on the top. We also offer to customize these stools with your own message or logo.

Yes, but I want mine to be a delete key. Get it? Because I want to delete my fat ass! I heard you want an insert. HIYO!

Product Site

Thanks to Kristin, who wants an escape.

Sep 1 2009 Possessed: The Boy Who Cries Wolf Blood

15-year old Calvino Inman is just like any other 15 year old boy. Except he's possessed by the devil and cries tears of blood. BURN HIM WITH FIRE! Now I'm not saying this a hoax, but I am saying I caught Calvino siphoning red food coloring up his ass (strictly by accident, I swear). DUM DUM DUM! Book 'em, Danno.

Youtube

Thanks to leftRIGHTleft, who has to remind herself how to walk or she gets all tripped up.

Sep 1 2009 I LIKE BIG LETTERS: WOMAN FIRED FOR USING CAPS IN A COMPANY EMAIL

Yelling, as you may well know, is a great way to get your point across. And capitalization is yelling's written equivalent. Don't believe me? LET'S TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!

An accountant in NZ has been awarded $17,000 NZD for unfair dismissal after her boss fired her without warning for using uppercase letters in a single email to co-workers. The email, which advises her team how to fill out staff claim forms, specifies a time and date highlighted in bold red, and a sentence written in capitals and highlighted in bold blue. It reads: 'To ensure your staff claim is processed and paid, please do follow the below checklist.' Her boss deemed the capital letters too confrontational for her co-workers to read after they woke up from naptime.

I love capital letters. I don't want to marry them or anything, but I would go out on a couple dates and maybe slip a big W the tongue. Don't judge me -- I'LL TELL EVERYONE YOU BANG NUMBERS AND SYMBOLS!

Woman Fired For Using Uppercase In Email [slashdot]

Thanks to Jen, who once popped a caps lock in some bitch's ass for frontin'.

Sep 1 2009 Polish Vacationers Allegedly Film Yeti

Allegedly a couple of Poles filmed a real life Yeti while on vacation in the Tatra mountains. I didn't even know there were Polish Yetis, but I do now. Say -- how many do you think it takes to screw in an energy efficient light bulb?

"I saw this huge ape-like form hiding behind the rocks. When I saw it it was like being struck by a thunderbolt," he told the Superexpress.

"Coming from Warsaw, I never really believed the local stories of a wild mountain ape-man roaming the slopes. But, now I do."

"The film clearly shows 'something' that moves on two legs and is bigger than a normal man," says Robert Bernatowicz, president of the Nautilus Foundation.

Interesting. And you know what? I kind of believe it. Like two Poles could possibly plan a hoax!

Hit the jump for the (unsurprisingly) horrible quality video.

Continue Reading " Polish Vacationers Allegedly Film Yeti "

Aug 31 2009 Branded Jägermeister Cooler With Tap

I can't drink Jäger because it makes my clothes fall off and catch fire and me fight people and break stuff and all kinds of other awesome things that I have to start saving for special occassions. But hey, if you do regularly enjoy black licorice flavored unicorn blood, you're in luck.

The cooler holds 6 bottles of your drink, with two of them hooked into the built-in dispenser. There's plenty of room for other drinks (ie. Red Bull) so as to keep things interesting. If you really love Jägermeister, then $120 (drinks not included) will get you this branded cooler.

I assume it'll work with any bottle that's short enough to fit in the cooler. Which isn't a terrible idea, but you could just get a regular cooler, and then screw the cap off and pour the drink whenever you want some. Archaic, I know, but you did just save yourself $100. And you know how many extra bottles of Jäger that is? I don't -- I TOLD YOU I DON'T DRINK THAT SHIT. Bourbon. So hot it burns my lips.

Keep Cold Jägermeister On Tap Anywhere You Go [ohgizmo]

Aug 31 2009 I've Seen It All Now: A 2:30 News Report About A Broom That Stands On Its Own

This is a two and a half minute news report from Alabama about a woman who thinks there's "a little holy spirit" in her new consignment shop because she can stand a broom up unsupported in three separate locations. I watched the whole thing but I highly recommend you not unless you really hate yourself or are into masochism (I am). Which reminds me -- did I ever tell you about the time I had a woman stomp around on my chest with golf cleats on and then hit balls off my nipples? Of course not, cause it's none of your business. Fore!

Hit the jump for an equally horrible (but MUST SEE) news report about a bear in some woman's backyard, complete with cardboard cutout reenactment.

Continue Reading " I've Seen It All Now: A 2:30 News Report About A Broom That Stands On Its Own "

Aug 31 2009 Cheap!: Guy Selling Jetpack Thingy For $500

Some guy is Canada is selling a homemade jetpack via online classified ad for the low, low price of $500. Sure it'll kill you, but it's only $500!

Jet Pack -- Jumps You 10' in the Air

Handcrafted by myself Using Car and Airplane parts. I spent 15 years as a mechanic. Can Use for 2 High Jumps 10 feet in the air with a safe landing before overheating, takes about an hour to cool down after that.

weighs 53lbs, approx Camping backback in size , dull grey in color.

serious buyers only can test out on my property and of course watch me first for safety reasons and training.

Two ten-foot jumps and then you have to let the thing sit for an hour? No offense, but that sounds like some incredibly weak shit. Just sayin', you know what else costs $500, will jump you 10-feet in the air, and NOT require an hour between uses? Twelve pogo sticks.

Sale Page

Thanks to Pepe La PEWPEW, who is in love with a LED flashlight. Hate to break it to you Pepe, but she ain't a laser.

Aug 31 2009 Disney To Acquire Marvel For $4 Billion

Mickey Mouse, in a power move to impress his ratty love interest Minnie, has decided to buy up Marvel Comics for a staggering $4 billion. With the sale come all the right's to Marvel's cache of over 5,000 characters. FIVE THOUSAND!

We believe that adding Marvel to Disney's unique portfolio of brands provides significant opportunities for long-term growth and value creation," Disney president and chief executive Robert Iger said.

"We are pleased to bring this talent and these great assets to Disney."

"Disney is the perfect home for Marvel's fantastic library of characters given its proven ability to expand content creation and licensing businesses," said Marvel chief executive Ike Perlmutter.

I mean, way to go and all, Disney, but this was a pretty foolish business decision if you ask me. What in the hell are you gonna do with 5,000 Marvel characters? You should have just bought the 30 cool ones.

Disney to buy Marvel in $4bn deal [bbcnews]

Thanks to Reverend Faux, Lomig, Jason, Aaron, Lauren, Cade, A Girl Named Michael, draw and jawn, who have all puked on different Disney rides, including It's A Small World (it was Jason!).

Aug 31 2009 Setting A Good Example: Pole Dancing Doll

These pole dancing dolls are real products despite everything you know about life telling you they shouldn't be. I'll tell you one thing: no daughter of mine is playing with a damn stripper doll. I'm looking right at you, Barbie. Hussy! Product features:

• style
• interesting
• music
• flash
• up and down
• go round and round

Wow. That's, uh, really something. Really something wrong with the world. I mean, how the hell does something like this get approved for manufacture and sale? Japan. Right, I keep forgetting.

Pole Dancer Doll Doesn't Really Set the Perfect Role Model [gizmodo]

Thanks to Octopus Pie, far tastier than Squid Cake.

Aug 31 2009 Fire Hazard: The Wrist Mounted Flamethrower

If you've been reading long enough, you may recall Everett Bradford's Pyro System from early last year. Well now Everett is back with the Pyro System 2.2. Basically, it's a bunch of 3rd degree burns waiting to happen. Ever seen a man melt his own face off before? I have, but only because I was tired of shaving. Suck it, electrolysis!

Youtube

Thanks to Ethan, Jeff and Matty, who all have flamethrowers mounted on their bikes so you won't follow too close behind. Also, they just look cool.

Aug 31 2009 Ninja Turtles Offering Relationship Advice

I like turtles AND pizza. Also, this is good news for me cause I couldn't cook to save my life anyway (don't even think about it, Jigsaw!).

TMNT Relationship Advice [buzzfeed]

Thanks to Aisha, who offered up this piece of relationship advice: Chicks dig guys who aren't monster douchebags (douching is so 80's).

Aug 31 2009 Is That A Spaceship?: XBox 720 Concept

This is a conceptual design of an XBox 720 by Tai Chiem. Why he assumes that Microsoft is even gonna call the new console the 720 is beyond me. It's not like there was a 180. Maybe they'll call it a 540. Or, if they're really high, the 420. Anyways, I only posted this because it reminds of the spaceship in 'Flight of the Navigator' and that movie is badass. Who else wants one of those little Puckmaren aliens that the kid stuffs into his backpack at the end? I do. Also, Sarah Jessica Parker when she was 21. And no, that's not creepy of me. "See you later, Navigator!"

Hit the jump for several other renderings from different angles.

Continue Reading " Is That A Spaceship?: XBox 720 Concept "

Aug 30 2009 Sure, Why Not?: Siamese Rubik's Cubes

As far as I know, these conjoined Rubik's cubes have existed forever but I wouldn't know because I have enough trouble with a regular one without removing all the stickers and then backing over it with my dad's truck while sobbing and subsequently taking out the mailbox. BOOM! Recent post tie-in for the win! I AM THE L337357 bL0993R! But for those of you that are into Rubik's, you may want to consider these conjoined cubes from Deal Extreme. And, as you may well know, Siamese sextuplets are multiple times the fun of a single woman. Isn't that right, ladies? Not you righty, I'm talking to the middle ones.

Hit the jump for a couple of the other configurations available.

Continue Reading " Sure, Why Not?: Siamese Rubik's Cubes "

Aug 30 2009 Crazy Fool Is "Friends" With A Pack Of Lions

This crazy damn fool, Kevin Richardson, runs a wildlife refuge in South Africa and has become a member of a pack of lions. It is probably the awesomest and stupidest thing I've ever seen (and I once saw a friend jump off the top of his parents' townhouse with a trashbag parachute). Just sayin', you remember how Grizzly Man ended, don't you? SPOILER ALERT: As a giant Timmy Treadwell-shaped grizzly turd. But who am I to judge? I'm just a regular guy who bangs dinos. RAWR! YES....YES....EAT ME NOOOOOOOW!

Youtube

Thanks to Asbo, who was once accepted into a pod of whales but was later rejected when he tried to suckle one's teat.

Aug 30 2009 You've Got Mail!: Oldschool Computer Mailbox

Who the hell still rocks those oldschool CRT monitors? You do? Oh, sorry. Truthfully, I still rock a 21-incher myself. HIYO! Anyway, this is a $230 computer mailbox fabricated out of wood and a traditional mailbox so that some punkass teenagers can come bat the shit out of it. I don't recommend them. But I do recommend you paying me $100 to make you a modern flatscreen monitor mailbox. Sure it'll just be an unpainted piece of particleboard with a whole cut in the middle, but what did you expect? Watch your bills just blow away! But not into my yard, I'll call the cops.

Computer Mailbox: You see, grandma? This is how e-mail works [dvice]

Aug 30 2009 Dual Screen Laptops Here Before Christmas (You Hear That, Santa? You Fat Bastard You)

So apparently the dual 15.4" screened gGscreen Spacebook will be released in time for Christmas this year. Also, the elves I've been holding hostage. BUT ONLY IF SANTA MEETS MY DEMANDS.

The Alaska based company, started by Gordon Stewart (yep, that is where the G in gScreen comes from), is aiming its dual screen laptops at professional designers, filmmakers, photographers and really anyone who can't live without a dual screen for everyday productivity...The chassis (which we expect is at least 12 pounds) is built around the 15.4 inch screen (though the first units that come to market will have 16-inch or 17-inch screens) and its twin, identically sized screen slides out from behind the first using a uniquely designed sliding mechanism.

They will run Windows 7 and be powered by Intel Core 2 Duo processors, 4GB of RAM and high-end Nvidia GF900M GT discrete graphics. The plan is for fast 7,200 RPM hard drives and six or nine-cell batteries...."It is absolutely the opposite of a netbook," he told us. Yea that is no kidding with a price tag that he is hoping to keep under $3,000.

Damn! 30" of screen real estate, that's a lot. This thing isn't even a laptop any more. It's a muffintop. ZING!

GScreen's Dual-Screen Spacebook Coming Soon(ish) [gizmodo]

Thanks to Melissa, Mark and Mike, whose names all begin with the letter M. What? I NOTICE THESE THINGS! Did you get your hair cut? All of them, good one.