Aug 14 2009 Real Life Duck Hunt Is Not THAT Real Life

This Duck Hunt game from Hammacher Schlemmer costs $30 and involves shooting a mechanical flying duck with an infrared gun. Plus, if your gun runs out of batteries you can still throw rocks at it. Just like our ancestors used to do!

A 10-second charge on the barrel of the gun energizes the mechanical duck for a 30-second flight. The duck's 6" long mylar wings flap up and down nearly 500 times per minute, and it can be set to fly in an erratic left- or right-turning circle or a level, straight line. Sharp-eyed hunters take aim with the infrared gun--the first two hits merely stun the waterfowl, momentarily interrupting his flapping; the third hit downs the duck for good.

I like how it takes three shots to bring it down, that's pretty neat. Not as neat as my cocktail, but that's only because I DON'T DO ICE, HOMEY.

Product Page
via
Learn to Aim With Flying Duck Hunt Shooting Game [walyou]

Aug 14 2009 Rain-Free, Hands-Free: The Shoulderbrella

This isn't the first hands-free umbrella we've ever seen, but it does rank right up there with the stupidest (you're going to get one, aren't you?). The Shoulderbrella is a $25 flexible dong that attaches to the end of any umbrella so that you can form it around your shoulder for hands-free umbrella usage. Also works with parasols! Unfortunately the Shoulderbrella does NOT work with taste and decency. Or shoulder mounted cannons. Which, okay now I'm thinking about boobs. My God I love those things.

Shoulderbrella: Because Holding Your Umbrella Is Haaaarrrd [gizmodo]

Aug 14 2009 Solar Shower Provides Hot Water In 2 Hours

The $200 Solar Power Shower can heat up to 8 liters of water to 140° Fahrenheit in as little as two hours, provided it's outside in the sun and not in your basement.

It's a lot more sophisticated than a simple camping solar shower, because this one mixes that 140° water with cool water from the garden hose, giving you plenty of toasty warm water at just the right temperature.

Impressive, but I don't really have a need for a solar powered shower. I do, however, have a need for that chick in the picture. Seriously, I'm getting hungry. HIYO!

Solar Shower heats water in two hours [dvice]

Aug 14 2009 Impressive: This Ridiculous Star Wars House

I don't really have any more info on this house except that it's filled with virtually every single piece of Star Wars memorabilia short of Lucas's corpse. Plus, it was done in such a tasteful way that I dare say this man might actually get laid in his house -- WITHOUT PAYING FOR IT. No, seriou-- BWHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! I almost had you, didn't I?

Hit the jump for more of my favorites, then hit the link to see the high-res versions and a bunch more.

Continue Reading " Impressive: This Ridiculous Star Wars House "

Aug 14 2009 WTF Is That?: The Lazareth Wazuma Bio V12

The Lazareth Wazuma Bio V12 is the lovechild resulting from the night a 4-wheeler banged mother nature and then slept with a Formula-1 car for good measure (read: a 500-horsepower death trap that runs on E85 ethanol and costs a staggering $285,000). You'd think for more than a quarter of a million dollars you might get a roof and maybe an airbag, but no, YOU ARE TOO RICH TO DIE. Don't worry, your money will save you (no, no it won't).

Youtube

Thanks to fleity, who's smart enough to know that race car is a palindrome.

Aug 14 2009 A Long Time Ago In A Restaurant Far, Far Away: Lightsaber Chopsticks

Why it's taken so long to produce some good looking lightsaber chopsticks is beyond me. I mean, they just make sense. Like wind energy and peeing in the sink, but with a culinary flair. Available in three colors, the $10 sticks are the perfect utensils for devouring tauntaun and Ewok dishes. But don't go trying to eat that shit Yoda fixes on Dagobah! The runs like you're about to be trampled by an AT-AT.

Hit the jump for one more shot of the sabers in hand.

Continue Reading " A Long Time Ago In A Restaurant Far, Far Away: Lightsaber Chopsticks "

Aug 14 2009 Booze Detector Reveals Purity Of Your Drink

Product designer Emilio Alarcón designed the Rotgutonix booze detector in order to determine if you're imbibing the real deal or just some economy swill poured into a nicer bottle.

Just dip the Rotgutonix pen into a glass of alcohol (no mixers, please), and let it soak for 20 seconds. The pen's liquid-crystal display will tell you if you're about to drink some real whiskey or some nasty rotgut, it'll tell you.

Unfortunately the device can currently only detect the chemical composition of 6 brands of liquor: Johnnie Walker, JB, DYC, Havana Club, Pampero and Brugal....The good news is that makers of the Rotgutonix are working on a future update that should allow it to detect up to 20 different booze profiles.

You know, there's any easy way to get around the need for a Rotgutonix detector. It's called ALWAYS ORDERING THE CHEAPEST BOOZE POSSIBLE. Any funny switch-o change-o business works out in your favor! Well, provided they're not just watering the alcohol down. Which, FYI, is grounds to stab a barkeep with a little plastic sword or umbrella. YES I DRINK FRUITY DRINKS, WHAT?!

Hit the jump for one more shot.

Continue Reading " Booze Detector Reveals Purity Of Your Drink "

Aug 13 2009 Quality Advertising: Some Guy Catching Laptops With His Butt (I Could Do That)

This is some wack-ass ad by MSI that shows off how good their laptops are at fitting between your butt cheeks in case you ever need to sneak a computer into prison. Impressive, but not THAT impressive. I saw The Superficial Writer and IWatchstuff doing the same thing this morning WITH THEIR DESKTOPS. Printers and everything!

Youtube

Thanks to jhidekim, Lindsey and Chris, who can all catch laptops with just the gooch.

Aug 13 2009 Lookin' Sharp: Periodic Sweater Of Elements

This is a periodic sweater of elements made by knitter apinnick. It looks sharp and I would wear it EVEN WHEN IT'S NOT CHRISTMAS. The table continues around the sweater to the back, and the sleeves contain the names of different fungi (right sleeve) and bacteria (left sleeve). Because, as we all know, bacteria and fungi like to party with the elements. It's true, one time -- and you've got to promise you won't tell anybody I told you this -- I saw Penicillium touching Argon's butt at a school dance. THEY WERE BEING SO FREAKY!

Hit the jump for several more shots of the awesomeness.

Continue Reading " Lookin' Sharp: Periodic Sweater Of Elements "

Aug 13 2009 RIP: Les Paul Has Left The Recording Studio

Les Paul, famed musician and inventor, has passed away.

Les Paul, who invented the solid-body electric guitar later wielded by a legion of rock 'n' roll greats, died Thursday of complications from pneumonia. He was 94.

With Mary Ford, his wife from 1949 to 1962, he earned 36 gold records for hits including "Vaya Con Dios" and "How High the Moon," which both hit No. 1. Many of their songs used overdubbing techniques that Paul had helped develop.

As an inventor, Paul also helped bring about the rise of rock 'n' roll with multitrack recording, which enables artists to record different instruments at different times, sing harmony with themselves, and then carefully balance the tracks in the finished recording.

Wow, talk about changing the face of music. Good lookin', Les. Here's to joining that great jam session in the sky.

R.I.P.

Guitar legend-inventor Les Paul dies at age 94 [yahoonews]

Aug 13 2009 Women In Bikinis Reading Star Wars Script

WTF ARE YOU WAITING FOR, HIT PLAY MORON!

Youtube

Thanks to MoD, who once read star wars in the nude. I'd cast you.

Aug 13 2009 Why Not?: Send A Text Message To Aliens

HelloFromEarth.net is a website where you can submit text messages to be broadcast to Gliese 581d, a planet 20-light years away that may or may not support life (but 100% does). You have until the 24th of the month to submit your texts. Aaaaaaand here are some awful examples of why the aliens are gonna come kill us all.

Come here and take me with us. Here everyone is crazy.

Ever heard of Jesus? He's pretty awesome. Yay space travel!

... hi....... hehehehehhehehehehee (runs off giggling like a little school girl at lunch over a cute boy)

Of course, not everyone can be an idiot moron, so thankfully there were a couple people who actually know how to talk to aliens.

You are cordially invited to an Interplanetary BBQ. 6.00pm, 4th October, 2452 at my place BYO Meat and Beer. RSVP: Year 2100 Cheers

Junjun, I love you forever. Although we are different and our love is not accepted by others,I cant stop loving you.I want to share my dream with you forever.

Hell yeah, Junjun, get you some! Share that dream. Share it ALL. NIGHT. LONG.

HelloFromEarth

Thanks to Katie and Harsh, who accidentally sexted the aliens. Nice going, guys (forward them to me).

Aug 13 2009 You're Doing It Wrong!: Astronomers Discover A Planet Orbiting Its Sun Backwards

So apparently astronomers have spotted a planet that orbits its sun in the opposite direction that the sun rotates, the first known of its kind. Nice. WAY TO BE DIFFERENT YOU STUPID LITTLE PLANET, YOU JUST BLEW MY WHOLE THEORY OF PLANETARY ORBITY THINGS! You jerk.

The star and its planet, WASP-17, are about 1,000 light-years away.

WASP-17 likely had a close encounter with a larger planet, and the gravitational interaction acted like a slingshot to put WASP-17 on its odd course, the astronomers figure.

You know, this reminds me of a special little planet I knew growing up. He always put his shoes on the wrong feet and had to wear headgear to school. But you know what? HE TURNED OUT TO BE THE LITTLE PLANET THAT COULD. What -- no I'm not talking about myself, this kid was actually retarded (of course it was me).

Newfound Planet Orbits Backward [yahoonews]

Aug 13 2009 Batman Would Be Proud Cramped: Guy Builds Mini-Tumbler Out Of Go Kart

Want your own Batman Tumbler but can't afford to hire Morgan Freeman to build you a full-size one? Well fear not, intrepid crime fighter, because some guy on eBay is selling $30 plans to build one out of a go kart. Of course, if you don't want to pay, I'll tell you how to make one for free.

Step 1: Steal a go kart.
Step 2: Add a bunch of spray painted sheet metal.
Step C: Multiply your chances of getting tetanus and lockjaw by four score.
Step 4: Subtract any street cred you may have accumulated over the years.
Step 5: Divide by Robin. And by divide by I mean have intercourse with in the back.
Step 6: Safety first -- make sure to wrap your junk in a costume (I guess this should have been Step 5).
Step G: Get tested.

Hit the jump for a video of a finished Dangermobile in action.

Continue Reading " Batman Would Be Proud Cramped: Guy Builds Mini-Tumbler Out Of Go Kart "

Aug 13 2009 Pen Lets You Draw With Any Color You See

First of all, thank you all for the kind birthday wishes. I just went through and read them all and that was some seriously sweet shit you all said (I'm so eloquent). I almost cried, but then I wrestled a bear (and won) so that I wouldn't. But seriously -- thanks, I had the best birthday I can remember in a long time. BUT NOW IT'S THE 13TH! And you all know what that means, don't you? International Left Hander's Day! Two days in a row, baby!

The Color Picker pen by Jinsu Park is a drawing device that allows you to write in any color you can scan with the pen's color sensor. You just hold the Color Picker up to something, push a button, and PRESTO! it mixes the right amounts of blue, green purple and yellow to make the brown you were looking for. Unfortunately, the Color Picker is currently only conceptual, UNLIKE MY CEREAL PICKER! It's a spoon that, when you think about a certain kind of cereal, fills itself with that kind! I use it to invent new delicious breakfast morsels. *concentrating* Okay, so this one tastes like shit -- you've gotta try it!

Hit the jump for a couple more shots.

Continue Reading " Pen Lets You Draw With Any Color You See "

Aug 12 2009 Kettle Plays Song Instead Of Just Whistling

The Musical Kettle, designed by Naoki Kawamoto, has some sort of electronically controlled flute attachment that allows the device to play a song instead of just a boring whistle when the water is boiling. Now, are you thinking what I'm thinking? If you answered, "rocking out with your teabags out to some Jethro Tull", you are. HEY AQUALUNG!

Musical Kettle plays your song when water boils [dvice]

Aug 12 2009 "We Don't Date N00bs, We PWN Them!"

This is a video about the problems associated with dating a World of Warcraft n00b when you come from a L337 family. Namely, that your parents won't approve of the relationship. Sadly, watching this video reminded me of the time when I started dating one of those RealDolls a supermodel. I miss you, Silicon Sally hot supermodel with a real name, we just came from two different worlds.

College Humor

Thanks to jessica, Robert and jack, who PWN both n00bs and non00bs with equal dexterity.

Aug 12 2009 I Want All Three!: Do It Yourself Dino Lamps

If any of you are looking for any last minute gift ideas, these dinosaur lamps from ThinkGeek are the perfect present for your Geekologie Writer.

All three (triceratops, diplodocus and t-rex) of these dinosaur lamps are constructed from precision cut sheets of flexible plastic which you slot together to create the finished glowing sculpture. Construction time is about 30-40 minutes, but the directions are very clear with detailed photographs of each step.

Each lamp will set you back a cool $20, and, obviously, I want all three. Now I'm not saying I've never made love to a lamp shade before, because I totally have. But I actually like these ones enough to call them the morning after. You hear that, banker's lamp shade? Your green ass meant nothing to me!

ThinkGeek Product Page

Thanks to ryco, virus and Watch-303, who know what I like. I like pizza!

Aug 12 2009 Birthday Wish: I Wish For A Real Wishosaurs

Since it's my birthday and I can do whatever I want, I'm continuing with the celebratory theme with this $7 Wishosaurus candle holder from Fred. It's a plastic molded dinosaur that can hold up to ten candles. So, for my cake, I'm gonna need three. On top of each other. KISSING. With me in the middle. Ever had a four-way with dinosaurs? Me neither. Which, OMG -- *PFFFFFFFFFFFT!*

Product Site

Thanks to The Baroness, who can borrow my Wishasauruses for her birthday BUT ONLY IF I CAN COME TO THE PARTY (I'm coming to the party).

Aug 12 2009 I Made It!: Your Geekologie Writer Is 28 Today

Dearest Geekologie Reader,

Against all odds I've survived another year and made it to 28. TWENTY EIGHT! That's like, almost a quarter of a century. So yeah, that's a real picture of me taken a few years ago after I drank my weight in Kool-Aid and went on a sticker binge. Damn I looked good back then. Seriously -- what happened? Anyway, I'm gonna be flying up to New York City today to treat myself to a birthday celebration fit for a Geekologie Writer (read: ice creams). And, because I love you, I already wrote several posts so you lovely folks won't miss me too much while I'm flying. Feel free to fill the comments with birthday wishes or how much you hate me (I'll read them all, so now's your chance to say something), and I'll be back with a full day tomorrow from New York.

Love,

Your Geekologie Writer

P.S. Where's my dinosaur cake. No, really.

Aug 11 2009 Spoiled: Dad Makes Son Y-Wing Bunk Bed

Obviously vying for a coveted 'Father of the Year' award, some guy went and made his son a Y-Wing bunk bed and hangar themed bedroom. Impressive, guy, but what you don't know is that your son didn't want to sleep in a Y-Wing -- he wanted to sleep in a tauntaun! He was just too embarrassed to say so because he knew how much it meant for you to be able to drink beer in the garage and play with power tools. Son of the year? No, but I wouldn't put him up for adoption either. He's a keeper.

Hit the jump for several more shots of the ridiculousness.

Continue Reading " Spoiled: Dad Makes Son Y-Wing Bunk Bed "

Aug 11 2009 I Almost Cried: The Ballad Of G.I. Joe

This is a song and music video entitled 'The Ballad of G.I. Joe', which shows what the G.I. Joe characters do in their spare time, as portrayed by a bunch of celebrities. Cast list:

Scarlett - Julianne Moore

Zartan - Billy Crudup
Snowjob - Zach Galifianakis
Baroness - Olivia Wilde
Lady Jaye - Alexis Bledel
Dr. Mindbender - Tony Hale
Duke - Henry Rollins
Gung-Ho - Chuck Liddell
Shipwreck - Alan Tudyk
Destro - Vinnie Jones
Doc - Laz Alonso
Sargent Slaughter as himself

Now, it's no pork chop sandwiches, but I did hear it was better than the new movie. Which I wouldn't know because I went to a special screening of Iron Man 2. IT PAYS TO BE THE GEEKOLOGIE WRITER, SUCKERS! (I sat at home all weekend and wept into my dog)

The Ballad of G.I. Joe [funnyordie]

Thanks to Riddle, Abbie and The Superficial Writer, who have all done their makekup in Destro's head before.

Aug 11 2009 Eh: World's Largest BLT Is Fairly Large

The record for the world's largest BLT (bacon, lettuce and tomato) sandwich was broken over the weekend with a massive baconator that would made even Wilbur proud. But NOT that stupid talking spider. I'm looking at you, Charlotte. WHY'D YOU HAVE TO DIE ON ME?!?

At the fifth annual Tomato Fest in St. Louis, Tom Coghill and 90 volunteers put together a BLT that stretched 179 feet, two inches, breaking the world record for the biggest bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwich. They used 500 pounds of bacon, 1,280 pounds of tomatoes, and 100 heads of lettuce.

Eh, I dunno. It looks like they could have made it twice as long if they didn't make it so wide (like me -- lunch ladies?). Also, who cares about making the longest sandwich, I want the record for the tallest one. Because one time I made a peanut butter, banana, honey, graham cracker, marshmallow fluff and chocolate syrup sandwich that reached TO THE MOON. Yeah, unicorns and rainbows helped me eat it and then I found a leprechaun's gold and blew it all on hookers. True story. Except for the hookers, BECAUSE I DON'T PAY FOR SEX. Anymore. Starting after tonight.

Making the World's Longest BLT at Iron Barley, 8.9.09 [riverfronttimes] (with a ton more pictures and information about the build)
via
World Record Bacon Sandwich [neatorama]

Thanks to Eric, who wants to build the world's sexiest sandwich. Piece of cake, Eric: slap yourself between these buns and we'll call it a record. Invite a friend and we can make a club!

Aug 11 2009 Questionable: The Personal Rockin' Computer

The PRC chair allegedly stands for Personal Rockin' Computer. But how on earth you would ever use a computer in that thing is beyond me. I mean, I couldn't even comfortably fry my nuts with a laptop in it. Plus, it costs a staggering $4,200. Can you say, "tractor tire"? Because I can. No, I'm fairly confident this thing is a glorified sex swing for the rich. Seriously, just look at that provocative tart in the picture. She definitely only knows one kind of hard drive and RAM if you ask me. Gosh what a hussy (let me get those digits, girl).

The PRC is your Personal Rockin' Chair [dvice]

Aug 11 2009 I Like: Sticky Notes In Wooden Block Form

This is a block of sticky notes that was designed to look like a chunk of wood. And, as I'm sure you all know, wood is good. But metal -- metal is bettel. I AM THE RHYME MASTER! Although, truthfully, metal is not bettel. Because that's the stuff they make modern robots out of. And by the associative property of mathematics (I'm excellent with numbers), that makes the material inherently cold and evil. Ever seen a wooden robot? HELL NO, I BURNT THEM ALL. High-five! Now, help me drag this BEEP BOOP BOPPER to the fire pit.

The Woodblock: Post-It Notes As Nature Intended [gizmodo]

Aug 11 2009 Who Needs Humans?: One Program Makes Mario Levels, Another Program Plays Them

This is a video of an artificial intelligence program playing a Mario level created by another program that can create infinite variations of levels on its own. Obviously, this is how robots will entertain themselves after there are no more humans to torture. Well, this and massive oil-fueled orgies.

Infinite Mario AI [collegehumor]

Thanks to jimmy, who can design and play Mario levels flawlessly with genuine intelligence. None of that artificial crap for him.

Aug 11 2009 How To Lose Your Job Via Facebook Status

We already saw one jackass nearly lose his job over his Facebook status, and here comes a chick that actually managed to go all the way. Congratulations -- you're an idiot moron! This is exactly why you can't be social networking friends with your coworkers. Am I right?

The Geekologie Writer is the Superficial Writer gobbles donkey balls while IWatchStuff lives up to his name.

Note to self: Don't 'friend' your boss on FB and then bitch about your job. [thenextweb]

Thanks to Allison and max, both of whom I talk smack about behind their backs.

Aug 10 2009 That Was Quick: How Not To Wash A Car

This is a great example of how not to wash a car. Another example is driving your car into a neighbor's pool. Which, I already told you, I'll have out of there just as soon as I can rent a crane.

LiveLeak

Thanks to Joemo, who once drove a convertible through a car wash and ruined the interior.

Aug 10 2009 Billy Mays Was OxyCleaning His Nostrils?

It is being reported that famous TV pitchman Billy Mays may have died as a result of drug use. Namely, cocaine. The white horse.

An official autopsy report released Friday found that cocaine use contributed to the heart disease that suddenly killed TV pitchman Billy Mays in June, but his family called the finding "speculative" and considered getting an independent look at the results.

The medical examiner "concluded that cocaine use caused or contributed to the development of his heart disease, and thereby contributed to his death," the office said in a press release.

BILLY MAYS WAS SNORTING THAT NOSE CLEANIN' CANDY! Do you think he was huffing Orange Glo too? Because I did once, and let me tell you -- KABOOM! See what I did there? Because I can do that all night. And by that I mean it (my Mexican boner pills just arrived). Cleaning ladies?

Autopsy: Cocaine contributed to Billy Mays' death [yahoonews]

Thanks to Jason, who once drank a bottle of Orange Glo and had the best night ever. Hospitals are fun!

Aug 10 2009 I'm At A Loss For Words: An LOL Swastika

For once, I'm at a loss for words. But not bullets.

LOL Swastika Tattoo [buzzfeed]

Thanks to stephen, who went all Inglourious Bastards on this guy.

Aug 10 2009 Bad Idea: Creepy Surgical Masks For Dentists

How would you like that nightmare standing above you with a drill in its hand? You wouldn't, would you? My gums are bleeding just thinking about it.

Clever surgical masks with funny cartoon mouths were sent to dentists in Hamburg, Germany. The goal was to lighten up a visit to the dentist for the kids and everyone else, as well as to promote Colgate Smiles Kids toothbrushes.

Honestly, I'd rather knock all my teeth out with a cinderblock than face a dentist wearing a mask like that AND I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH NITROUS YOU GIVE ME. I'll tell you what, give me a take-home tank and you've got a deal. Okay now I -- I have two fingers.

Hit the jump for several more shots of a terrible idea.

Continue Reading " Bad Idea: Creepy Surgical Masks For Dentists "

Aug 10 2009 Sure, Why Not?: Fireplace In A Tool Chest

The 'Mall Fire' by Ataria is a $5,400 tool chest (sans tools) that turns into a romantic ethanol fireplace whenever opened. Well, as romantic as a fireplace in a tool chest can be anyways. Which is very. And also why I just had one mounted in the bed of my truck. What do you say I spread a tarp back there and we make ourselves a little pool? Me, you, a box of wine and a pool with a fireplace. I'm sorry, am I being too romantic? Because I can't help myself. Bathing suits optional. For you. Me? I'm a nevernude.

There's Nothing Dangerous About a Fireplace in a Chest [gizmodo]

Thanks to Julian, who knows a romantic evening when he hears one (nuclear hot wings and a titty bar).

Aug 10 2009 Holodeck Coming Soon: Touchable Hologram

That's right folks, a fully functional Holodeck may be just around the corner. Using a combination of hologram and ultrasound technologies, a group of Japanese scientists have created a touchable, feelable 3-D image. Imagine the possibilities! I'm looking at you, Princess Leia.

Using ultrasonic waves to provide the resistance and tactile presence, the hologram simulates the sensation of rain drops or a small ball, all without interfering with the projected 3-D image. A couple of Wiimotes provide the tracking, and the programing provides the fun.

That's actually pretty freaking awesome. And I, for one, can't wait to see the long term, practical applications of this new technology (read: porn and video games).

Tokyo Scientists Create Touchable Hologram [popsci]

Thanks to Mih0, Will, eazie, Pete, Brocknoviatch and Daryl, who all prefer real life touching. Good, now rub my back.

Aug 10 2009 Man Blames Cat For Downloading Illegal Porn

A Florida man blamed his cat after officials busted the failure at life for downloading over a thousand images of kitty kiddy porn.

Griffin told police he had been downloading music, and that his cat jumped on the keyboard when he left the room. He said "strange things" appeared on the computer when he returned.

He is being held in Martin county jail on $250,000 bond. No word on any charges against the cat.

In related news, all poorly written Geekologie posts were actually my dog. WOOF!

Florida man blames cat for illegal downloads [guardian]

Thanks to twellve, Richard and Chuck Nunchuck, who only blame their pets for missing homework and farting.

Aug 9 2009 No, Wrong, No: $32,000 Golden Computers

I don't care if a computer can run a real-time simulation of the Big Bang while playing Crysis at the highest settings and rendering a HD home movie you made of the neighbor's dog humping a stray cat, it shouldn't cost $32,000.

Gaiser High End Design PCs range from $7,820 to $32,300, and it isn't because they've got such great components. No, it's because they have 24 carat parpartial gilding with gold leaf.

Yeah, no. Although, I DID just think of a computer that is worth $32,000. It's called my old laptop, and I'll even sign it for you. And, not to get your hopes up, but it may contain some nudey pics (I'll make sure it does).

Aug 9 2009 Not Surprised: Bacon Flavored Rolling Papers

Seeing how every flavor of rolling paper already seems to exist (I've heard -- I don't know anything about these things in case my mom is reading), it was only a matter of time bong rips before somebody put two and two together and then got the munchies and forgot what they were doing. Then, sometime much later, somebody else created bacon flavored rolling papers. Made by Juicy Jay's, the papers promise a sizzlin' bacon taste and aroma. Interesting. Unfortunately, I only smoke REAL bacon (I swear, mom) and banana peels. I AM THE BBQ WIZ-ARD!

Product Site (must be 19 or older)

Thanks to The Robot Slayer, who got high and thought I was a robot. Well, I'm not. BEEP BOOP BOP. Kidding!

Aug 9 2009 Kid Plays Guitar Hero, Solves 2 Rubik's Cubes

This is a video of a kid playing Guitar Hero on expert and solving two Rubik's cubes simultaneously. Now I'm not sure where that's gonna get him in life, but I'm guessing far. Far, far away from the ladies. Kidding little buddy -- now you go out there and get 'em, tiger! No, put the cube down first.

Youtube

Thanks to Julian and Chuck Nunchuck, who can play Guitar Hero on expert while solving Rubik's cubes AND texting and eating a cheeseburger.