Jul 21 2009American Robots Are Celebrating Today
Be quiet for a second. You hear that? It's your Roomba singing "Oh Happy Day" because today marks the 25th anniversary of the first robotic death in the United States. That's right -- on July 21st, 1984, a factory worker was crushed to death by a robot in Jackson, Michigan. A moment of silence, please. Now, a moment of yelling. I HATE YOU YOU STUPID METALLIC ASSASSINS I WANT YOU ALL TO DIIIIIIIIIE! DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE, GHAAAAAAA!!! Okay, so I think I just popped a blood vessel. Also, a boner. Yelling makes me so hot!
July 21 [wordiq]
Thanks to Mike, who will be holding a candlelight vigil/Roomba burning party/kegger tonight in honor of the first U.S. victim.
Related Stories
Ethicists Demand New Laws For Robots (07/22/2009)
Reptilian Death Machines: More Robot Snakes (07/16/2009)
Tiny Bloodbots To Crawl Around In Your Veins (07/01/2009)
Boston Dynamics: Possibly My Biggest Enemy (04/21/2009)
Reader Comments
1. durp - July 21, 2009 1:19 PM
word.
2. IM a Flaming homo - July 21, 2009 1:19 PM
IM a flaming gay negro
3. Pew³ - July 21, 2009 1:22 PM
SPASPCR members unite. We cannot give in to a robot uprising.
Dislexics untie!!!
4. twatard - July 21, 2009 1:23 PM
suck.
5. Barry - July 21, 2009 1:24 PM
The evil machination had the audacity to crush him against a SAFETY BAR! Even in 1984 this orwellian bloodcraver mocked us with ironic death.
I wouldn't let a roomba within 50 miles of my flat. The dust gathers thick upon the floor as I go door-to-door roomba hunting to appease my sanity.
As they say on Starship Troopers, I'm doing my part! Are you?
6. Dishy Dishyington - July 21, 2009 1:26 PM
I'd hit it.
7. catch22 - July 21, 2009 1:30 PM
not true....
a lockheed factory in GA in '81
a guy got sheered in half by a sheet metal pick and place machine
robot basically sliced the guy in two
8. WickedKitty - July 21, 2009 1:30 PM
I respect your theory of robots killing us all and rule the earth. But I tell you... there are only 3 species that can rule the earth.
PENGUINS -- and you already proved there are ROBOTS penguins...
EVIL BUNNYS -- "gimme a carrot and DIE!!!"
and of course me...
9. naas - July 21, 2009 1:31 PM
I STILL want a roomba & a novelty eagle head. ...I wouldn't let the thing hook itself up to any of my computers but it can some tv
10. naas - July 21, 2009 1:31 PM
^watch...some tv
11. Pew³ - July 21, 2009 1:34 PM
a novelty eagle head has never killed anyone.
I want a novelty eagle head.
12. naaas - July 21, 2009 1:37 PM
@9 You stole my identity?!
13. MechanicalApe - July 21, 2009 1:39 PM
FARTZILLA
14. Butter_Toast - July 21, 2009 1:40 PM
lol, I love the geekologie writer.... just not his persistent boners.
15. GizmoDuck - July 21, 2009 1:44 PM
robot vagina
16. Moose Knuckle - July 21, 2009 1:46 PM
I, for one, welcome our robotic overlords...
With Simtex and magnesium torches of course.
SDCC 09 beeeyotches!!!
17. Gordon "Fücking" Shumway - July 21, 2009 1:47 PM
@15
You always know what's on my mind.
18. $.02 and a pocket full of FAH-Q - July 21, 2009 2:09 PM
Robert Williams was struck by a robotic arm at a casting plant in Flat Rock, Michigan on January 25, 1979
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robot#Potential_problems
19. Jerry - July 21, 2009 2:12 PM
So, how many robot related deaths in the last 25 years? Only helpful if there is an upward trend, otherwise, screw the bots.
http://bootelicious.mybrute.com
20. /Eyeroll - July 21, 2009 2:18 PM
I wonder how many people have been killed by those auto ass pounding dildo robots...
21. /Eyeroll - July 21, 2009 2:19 PM
or beastiality.... who has the mortality rate on sex with horse wangs?
22. Powerfuldragon - July 21, 2009 2:30 PM
#18 is correct. /nerd
23. Moose FAH-Q "Fücking" gizmonaas \Eyeroll MachineApe Pew22 (aka STOMPY) - July 21, 2009 2:35 PM
@12
its teh interwebs, anyone can steel anyones identity
24. Pat - July 21, 2009 2:42 PM
RIP Harry Allen; at least you didn't live to see the world ruled by our robot oppressors.
25. $.02 and a pocket full of FAH-Q - July 21, 2009 2:50 PM
23 - Your name compilation got a bit repetetive there...
26. Daisy - July 21, 2009 10:46 PM
FAKE!!!!
This is a complete photoshop job. You can tell its a fake because the shadow's are all wrong.
This is exactly like that scene in the movie Never Back Down where Max put a bunch of bird seed on the roof of auto dealership which ended up making birds crap all over the new cars.
27. Jaded Icon - July 22, 2009 7:24 AM
I'm not one for mercy GFS, but if you feel we can live in harmony (blissful pleasurebot sex), then you should create a robot justice system. Penelty for breaking Prime Directive 3; 5 thousand years frozen in Carbonite.
28. Gordon "Fücking" Shumway - July 22, 2009 10:51 AM
@28
To easy on them. How about break the rules and get disassembled.
29. Jaded Icon - July 23, 2009 6:39 AM
@ GFS
Capital punishment? Sounds good to me, then we can make a toaster out of the spare parts.