Jun 23 2009Stay Away!: The Robotic Needle Of Death
We've already seen one robotic death needle, so what's another? EVERYTHING, THAT'S WHAT. I am honestly *this close* to drinking the Kool-Aid. But allegedly, this robot was designed to do good. Pfft, I've heard one that before. I'm looking at you, Elmo. You tried to touch me while I was sleeping.
Bioengineers at Duke University have developed a laboratory robot that can successfully locate tiny pieces of metal within flesh and guide a needle to its exact location -- all without the need for human assistance.
I stopped reading there because my pants were getting full, but just look at that needle. You really want a robot operating on you with that thing without human intervention? Fine, but it's gonna be your second butthole, not mine.
Robot surgeon uses frighteningly large needle to remove shrapnel, your resistance [engadget]
Thanks to STOMPY, who already has three.
Related Stories
No, No, No: Japanese Killer Construction Bot (05/29/2009)
Boston Dynamics: Possibly My Biggest Enemy (04/21/2009)
Reader Comments
1. Dizzle - June 23, 2009 3:16 PM
I made one years ago
2. STOMPY - June 23, 2009 3:16 PM
soo GW, do I have three robotic devices or three second buttholes?!
3. Alex - June 23, 2009 3:17 PM
I can feeel it inside me, and it hurt baaad! Imagine the magine gets a bug and rip you in half!!!
4. naas - June 23, 2009 3:20 PM
Jeezus that looks like a mini model of the machine Ming used to erase Dr. Zarkov's mind unsuccessfully in that 80s hit movie Flash Gordon
http://farm1.static.flickr.com/24/36845554_740f1da34b_m.jpg
5. Pew³ - June 23, 2009 3:21 PM
Is that a Cyberdyne logo on the arm of that robot?!?!?!?
It looks like a meat slicing table behind him as well!
DO NOT WANT!
6. Moose Knuckle - June 23, 2009 3:23 PM
Dispatch war rocket 'Ajax' to bring back his body!
7. Moose Knuckle - June 23, 2009 3:25 PM
If you go anywhere near that freakin' thing it will launch straight into your EYE!!!!!!
8. Pew³ - June 23, 2009 3:25 PM
Pathetic earthlings. Hurling your bodies out into the void, without the slightest inkling of who or what is out here. If you had known anything about the true nature of the universe, anything at all, you would've hidden from it in terror.
9. Moose Knuckle - June 23, 2009 3:26 PM
... Via your ANUS!!!!
10. Moose Knuckle - June 23, 2009 3:27 PM
No! Not the bore worms!
11. $.02 and a pocket full of FAH-Q - June 23, 2009 3:27 PM
That's not Goliath's Needle! It's his needle-like Penis!
12. Pew³ - June 23, 2009 3:28 PM
Don't empty my mind! I've spent my whole life filling it!
13. Pew³ - June 23, 2009 3:30 PM
No one, but no one dies in the palace without a command from the Emperor.
14. Captain Wang - June 23, 2009 3:30 PM
Is that a giant needle in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
http://driftwood-x.mybrute.com
15. Gordon "Fücking" Shumway - June 23, 2009 3:32 PM
@11
She's back! YEA!!!!!!!!
16. STOMPY - June 23, 2009 3:33 PM
@naas
FLASH.... AHHHHHHHHHH!!!
17. naas - June 23, 2009 3:34 PM
Every thousand years, I test each life system in the universe. I visit it with mysteries: Earthquakes, unpredicted eclipses, strange craters in the wilderness. If these are taken as natural, I judge that system ignorant and harmless; I spare it. But if the hand of Ming is recognized in these events, I judge that system dangerous to us. I call upon the great God, Daizan, and for his greater glory - and our mutual pleasure - I destroy it, utterly
18. *hovering sound* followed by a scream - June 23, 2009 3:39 PM
I think I saw this thing's big brother on the Death Star
19. Gordon "Fücking" Shumway - June 23, 2009 3:43 PM
@17
You're saying... it's my fault the Earth is being destroyed?
20. naas - June 23, 2009 3:53 PM
Precisely, doctor. I thought it might amuse you to know this, before your mind is gone.
21. Daisy - June 23, 2009 4:17 PM
FAKE!!!!
This is a complete photoshop job. you can tell its a fake because the shadow's are all wrong.
This is exacrlty like that scene in the movie Never Back Down where Max swapped the virus and the vaccine vials. When the bad guy tried to inject himself with the Vaccine, and then Max with the virus, he ended up infecting himself and protecting Max.
22. Hawk - June 23, 2009 4:24 PM
Awwww! It's so cute! Hector has a friend!! :>>
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0079285/
23. FDSY - June 23, 2009 4:34 PM
FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLS
THE SIGNS ARE ALL HERE
THE MOMENT IS UPON US!!!
I'M SITTING HERE WITH A LOADED AUTOMATIC SHOTGUN WITH EXPLODING SHELLS!!! HOW HAVE YOU PREPARED????!!!!
PREPARE FOR THE COMING ROBOPOCALYPSE!!!!
24. STOMPY - June 23, 2009 4:55 PM
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v56/bigbadlemurtamer/luke_NOOOOOO.jpg?t=1245790485
25. Robo King - June 23, 2009 5:30 PM
Comes with grenades to test it out
26. RK - June 23, 2009 6:36 PM
I have a better idea for removing shrapnel. How about a really big f*ckin magnet?
duh.
27. Huckleberry Hashimoto - June 23, 2009 9:42 PM
Good, that's just what I need to get all that buckshot out of my ass. Something about a little misunderstanding in rural Arkansas.
28. The Joker - June 23, 2009 10:59 PM
Just look at that guy smiling, He's probably thinking: Hello everyone, I was raped in my childhood, and now I'm taking my sweet revenge.
Well you don't fool me!
29. led panel - June 24, 2009 3:18 AM
hahaha
30. sobored - June 24, 2009 4:35 AM
if a doctor ever suggests using this one me, I swear to god I will shoot him and then melt the machine down and sell it for scrap metal... God that is a big needle...
http://gawdimsobored.mybrute.com
31. Jaded Icon - June 24, 2009 7:00 AM
We need to nuke Duke University and we need to do it NOW!
32. Pat - June 24, 2009 9:13 AM
And what's up with that guy in the picture? He definitely drank the kool-aid.
33. Ciao - June 24, 2009 12:31 PM
I wouldn't want those to perform the dastardly deed instead of the doc...who knows when that thing is bound to glitch and you end up worse than ya' came in.
34. Rhialto - June 25, 2009 1:25 PM
That's great,anybody who would like to try out?
35. Darth - June 25, 2009 1:29 PM
This is probably the only way to get better control of the healthcare costs.