Jun 11 2009DO NOT OUTBID ME: How To Sell A Washer
As we've learned in the past, personal selling takes skills. We've seen people do it right, and we've seen people do it horribly, horribly wrong. This is another example of successful selling.
Once while washing a load of towells it got a bit out of balance and it got so out of control for a minute that I swear I actually saw a porthole to another dimension open above it just for a second, there were dinosaurs on the otherside and they looked scared too, it almost sucked me in but I held onto for my life to the deepfreeze. It sucked my shoes and pants off though and it got the iron as well which pissed me off because it was quite a good one. Luckily it sucked it's own power cord out of the wall and stopped before the whole house went in.I drew a picture of the dinosaurs i saw incase people didn't believe me, they are partly red because my green felt ran out half way through.
Well, it's been real folks, but I'm boldly going where no man has gone before. Pantless. DINO-RIIIIIIDERS!
Hit the jump to read the entire ad (which is actually mad long) and see the dinosaurs.
Old mid 80's Fisher and Paykel top loader.
Goes like a rocket!
By 'goes like a rocket' I actually mean that literally.
It actually shakes the house.
It's the loudest most violent sounding washing machine I have ever encountered.
It makes guests scared and children cry. I've lived with it like that for almost a year and it still scares me.
Once while washing a load of towells it got a bit out of balance and it got so out of control for a minute that I swear I actually saw a porthole to another dimension open above it just for a second, there were dinosaurs on the otherside and they looked scared too, it almost sucked me in but I held onto for my life to the deepfreeze. It sucked my shoes and pants off though and it got the iron as well which pissed me off because it was quite a good one. Luckily it sucked it's own power cord out of the wall and stopped before the whole house went in.
I drew a picture of the dinosaurs i saw incase people didn't believe me, they are partly red because my green felt ran out half way through.
I think it would be good to paint it matt black and put steel spikes all over it and draw demons on the front, however I have added an image of another possible customization option for people who like horses.
On heavy duty spin cycle it sort of sounds a bit like the tortured howls of 1000 undead writhing in the sulphury pits of hell mixed with a train with carriages full of scrap iron sliding down the road with no wheels, on fire, into a bell factory.
Thankfully it's bite is not as bad as it's bark. It washes fine, completes cycles, does everything it's supposed to. It leaks a bit when it's running, always has. Its a bit grubby, could do with a wipe down, I refuse to touch it because I'm still getting over the whole dinosaur scare thing.
If your in a fix and need a cheap washing machine and are either completely deaf or hate your neighbours this baby is for you.
$1 reserve, pick up only, Waterview Auckland.
Selling to pay for my counseling.
Thanks to Tom, Reed, Richard and Fong, who better not outbid me. Or, if you do, at least let me borrow the thing for a few minutes.
Reader Comments
1. naas - June 11, 2009 1:30 PM
hahaha, right up your alley GW
2. CMonster - June 11, 2009 1:33 PM
Hmm. I already have the matching dryer. Maybe I should get this one to complete the set.
3. the man - June 11, 2009 1:34 PM
second
holy crap i need one to drown out my girlfriends complaining
4. Hunter - June 11, 2009 1:38 PM
holy shit im 4th!!!!!
awsome tho if i ever sell anything i am so doing this
5. Hunter - June 11, 2009 1:38 PM
holy shit im 4th!!!!!
awsome tho if i ever sell anything i am so doing this
6. yawn - June 11, 2009 1:40 PM
When folks try that hard to be cute and funny... it only works the other half of the time, not the one that this resides in.
7. Wow - June 11, 2009 1:44 PM
@naas
Good Lord,
How often do you click refresh?
8. Wow - June 11, 2009 1:46 PM
@myself
Did I just address naas as the 'Good Lord'? I think I did, but I did not mean the Lord of Heaven and Earth...I meant 'Lord of the Refresh Button'.
Phew, good save right there.
9. naas - June 11, 2009 1:51 PM
@7 not often, geekologie is my homepage & I hacked into the anticlown computers a few weeks ago so I can see the update clock tick tock
10. Timbo - June 11, 2009 1:52 PM
@8 hahahhahaha!! Good save!
I'm going to try this tactic next time I sell something on ebay...
11. Weeeeee! - June 11, 2009 1:54 PM
I have to marry this guy!!! he saw dinosaurs :D
12. Timbo - June 11, 2009 1:54 PM
Lord Naas,
Geekologie as your homepage?...that's hardcore.
Sincere regards,
Timbo
13. naas - June 11, 2009 1:57 PM
I am nothing lordish or holy, only a machine using text on teh interwebz
Yeah geekologie as my homepage, I know - the chicks LOVE IT
14. LinkMe - June 11, 2009 2:02 PM
the chicks do love it ;P and the ride-me-washer... perfect for housewives :P
15. Captain - June 11, 2009 2:06 PM
Must See!!!
http://captain-hash.mybrute.com
--------------------------------------------
16. Lissy - June 11, 2009 2:10 PM
i like how in his drawings some of his "S" r backwards
17. dadoren - June 11, 2009 2:14 PM
The pictures are well done and futuristic. Who ever drew the pictures is truly Autistic.
18. $.02 and a pocket full of FAH-Q - June 11, 2009 2:25 PM
damn naas, and I thought I was bad for having the RSS feed on my igoogle homepage...
19. Gordon "Fücking" Shumway - June 11, 2009 2:26 PM
" it sort of sounds a bit like the tortured howls of 1000 undead writhing in the sulphury pits of hell mixed with a train with carriages full of scrap iron sliding down the road with no wheels, on fire, into a bell factory."
I'm totally using that to discribe my band.
20. Ickorus - June 11, 2009 2:29 PM
Recently i got hit by a flying iron whilst on one of my monthly trips to pre-historic times, maybe that belonged to this guy. If so i owe him an iron to the chest.
I dont remember any pants or shoes though so i think he made that bit up.
21. naas - June 11, 2009 2:29 PM
I can't wait to hear what that sounds like shumway
22. Andyman - June 11, 2009 2:43 PM
I'd buy it just for the dino pics. It's hard to find good dino art anymore.
23. 404notfound - June 11, 2009 2:44 PM
Indeed, the dinosaurs do all look scared/mildly retarded. This man is a genius at connoting reptilian facial expressions.
24. JFreezy - June 11, 2009 2:49 PM
" it sort of sounds a bit like the tortured howls of 1000 undead writhing in the sulphury pits of hell mixed with a train with carriages full of scrap iron sliding down the road with no wheels, on fire, into a bell factory."
That sounds like dinner with my mother-in-law LOL!!!
25. naas - June 11, 2009 3:03 PM
" it sort of sounds a bit like the tortured howls of 1000 undead writhing in the sulphury pits of hell mixed with a train with carriages full of scrap iron sliding down the road with no wheels, on fire, into a bell factory."
That's what the neighbors reported hearing when we ran out of alcohol once
26. nar - June 11, 2009 3:15 PM
hahahahahaha. genius. pure genius.
http://the-nar.mybrute.com
27. Gordon "Fücking" Shumway - June 11, 2009 3:30 PM
@21
Still ironing out the kinks. We've only been playing together for a few months. As soon as we get a song 100% and recorded, I'll send you a link. Better yet, I'll try to send it to you when I get home.
28. McCracken - June 11, 2009 3:36 PM
lol this is awesome. Love the pictures of the dinos.
29. Pat - June 11, 2009 3:59 PM
You had me at "porthole."
30. GLADIATOR - June 11, 2009 4:05 PM
Schizophrenia can be a good thing! ROFL
*
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Come and join the short and easy game mybrute:
http://burpnassker.mybrute.com
The game takes less than 5 minutes to play!
31. Adam - June 11, 2009 4:06 PM
IF only I lived close enough to pick it up...
32. Watch-303 - June 11, 2009 4:22 PM
so damn funny!
33. Beastman AIDS - June 11, 2009 5:05 PM
haha the replies he's written to the questions on the auction site are insane too - the guy must be in front of his computer all night and day replying to people.
Those dino pics are seriously awesome and I want them tattooed on my biceps.
34. Daisy - June 11, 2009 5:30 PM
FAKE!!!!
This is a complete photoshop job. You can tell its a fake because the shadow's are all wrong.
This is exactly like that scene in the movie Never Back Down where Max called NASA to report finding debris from the challenger shutrtle in his yard. When the authorities arrived they found some rusted appliances and a car on blocks which Max told them was an OMS pod that had oxidized on re-entry.
35. Codex - June 11, 2009 5:33 PM
Where else but New Zealand <3
36. Ben - June 11, 2009 6:00 PM
Hey, they've already made the dinosaur pics into T-shirts. If you're interested:
http://www.mrvintage.co.nz/
37. livingjetlag - June 11, 2009 6:01 PM
Nice ad, but the washer isn't rad to the power of sick, wormhole or no. Nice blood on T Rex's teeth, or maybe that's just bits of the seller's red pants and shoes...
38. Darth - June 11, 2009 6:24 PM
I think the amount of crayons the person spent on the drawings are more worth than the washer.
39. Ubergeek85 - June 11, 2009 9:40 PM
I have a washing machine exactly lie this. No, really. Fisher and Paykel, gentle annie series, the early revision. These machines just keep going and going and going. My mum brought it second-hand when I was about 3 or 4. I'm 18 now.
They're absolutely legendary. The only thing still holding them up is rust, but still, they keep going. Not like this cheap chinese crap nowadays.
40. Frosty - June 11, 2009 10:19 PM
Sounds like a failed David Thorne and his "7 Legged Spider" concept. lol
41. fredr0ck - June 11, 2009 10:25 PM
It'd go with my dryer that I assume has a sock vortex behind it.
Sock vortex? Why it's where all the missing socks in pairs go :P
Someone in Australia is selling a Nintendo Wii owned by Batman,
http://cgi.ebay.com.au/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&item=320382280937
though I would prefer a evil washing machine.
42. Your Mother's Lover - June 11, 2009 11:54 PM
holy dinosaur balls, that thing is goin for $350?!? That's wicked rad sick to the extreme max!
http://www.trademe.co.nz/Browse/Listing.aspx?id=223309871&ed=true
43. gothiic angell - June 12, 2009 12:18 AM
there's even a facebook group for this now.
its meme-tastic!
44. Jaded Icon - June 12, 2009 7:48 AM
Any time traveler worth his salt knows that a washing machine is perfect for time travel, that or a toaster.
45. Alex - June 12, 2009 10:16 AM
Good one..!
I'm going to try this tactic next time I sell something on my internet shop.
46. kreebilicus - June 12, 2009 10:18 AM
@44 or a toilet
47. v - June 12, 2009 12:22 PM
I'd rather have the Batman Wii
48. Gordon "Fücking" Shumway - June 12, 2009 3:35 PM
@46
The Interdimensional Portal Potty!
http://new.music.yahoo.com/jiggle-the-handle/
49. ifrit - June 12, 2009 4:23 PM
haha, the guy who made the auction also posted a link to a geekologie worthy pic.
http://img98.imageshack.us/img98/6948/lemoncatsized7cb.jpg
50. Your Mother's Lover - June 12, 2009 9:03 PM
omg it's up to $2610 wtf