Jun 13 2009 Meat Hero: Man Gets Struck By Lightning While BBQing, Only Utters 'Sausages'

Eric Brocklebank, 64, got struck by lightning while manning the barbecue. And what did he have to say about it? Sausages.

"It was like an implosion inside my body."

"There was so much pressure inside of me and I couldn't see properly. I could just make out the faint outline of people heading my way."

It came in through my arm, which is burnt, then it must have gone down through my body and out through my feet."

He added: "I was told the only thing I could say as I was drifting in and out of consciousness was 'sausages'."

Somebody get this man an award. Not only does he brave the elements to cook some delicious meat, but he gets struck by lightning and SOMEHOW KEEPS HIS BURNT EYES ON THE SAUSAGE-Y PRIZE. My God they must have been delicious.

Lightning bolt heats up BBQ [thesun]

Thanks to Vask, who nominates Eric for a 2009 Wiener Award.

Jun 13 2009 Robot Hunts For Outlets, Steals Electricity

PR2 is a robot that can hunt down power outlets to recharge its own battery. Why it even exists is beyond me. Thankfully, I just jammed forks into all my electric outlets, so if he tries stealing my power, he's in for a real shock (!).

This particular run had our PR2 alpha robot navigate through eight doors, and plug its power cord into nine outlets. In this video, you can see the various challenges our robot faced, such as a crowded office environment and the abrupt appearance of a human obstacle. We nearly sabotaged the run early on. Folks around the office were eager to track the progress of the robot, so many people ran their own monitoring programs on the PR2. This caused an increase in CPU load, starving the navigation software. Nonetheless, the robot was able to continue with the run, albeit more slowly and cautiously.

Okay, so I've formulated a plan. I'm going to lure this bastard out in the open with a power strip, and then, right before he inserts his genitalia, I'M GONNA CHOP IT OFF WITH A LASER BEAM! Cut off from his power supply, PR2 will slowly die while neighborhood children throw rocks at it him I swing his severed junk around like a lasso.

Milestone 2 Reached! Now You Can Watch It [willowgarage]

Thanks to Jeremy, who once broke a child's toy robot and made the boy cry. Trust me, Jeremy, he'll thank you later.

Jun 13 2009 Student Makes Barrel Monster, Gets Arrested

I don't care what you say, that's probably the best life those barrels could have asked for. God knows I've run over my fair share and dragged them home.

NC State student Joseph Carnevale, the artist behind the Traffic Barrel Monster, has been arrested for stealing the barrels and "cutting and screwing them together to make a statue," which apparently is a misdemeanor in North Carolina.

The total cost of the damage has been estimated at $360 and a court case is scheduled for July 21st.

WHOA WHOA WHOA -- $360 for four barrels? What are they, lined with crystals? Sounds like somebody in the barrel making business is in bed with somebody at the department of transportation. And they're doing it.

Traffic Barrel Monster Creator Arrested [jalopnik]

Thanks to Ty, who once made a bong out of a traffic cone.

Jun 12 2009 Skinny Blonde: Australian For Sexy Beer

Skinny Blonde Beer comes from Australia and has a skinny blonde chick on the front of the bottle that, when the temperature gets hot enough, loses her top. And, to give you a demo of this model of modern boobosity, they have the six chicks in the picture above to provide NSFW examples. So, head over to the website (provided you're over 18, or under and don't mind sinning) and give it a go. After watching just the first girl I ordered 30 cases of the stuff. Also, I might have just gotten stuck in a bottle. BWHAHAHAHAH A -- like it's that big!

Skinny Blonde Beer NSFW

Thanks to jlcnuke, who agrees this beer/boob combo is giving explosions and boobs a run for its money.

Jun 12 2009 Comfort Wipe: Holding Toilet Paper In Your Hand Is "Really Archaic And Disgusting"

The Comfort Wipe is an 18" arm extender/wad of toilet paper holder for use when you can't reach your own ass or don't like your digits coming into contact with your butthole (you're doing it wrong!). Interesting. Also, I want to know the "advantages" of being big the hefty dude is talking about. In all seriousness though, this really is a great product, I just recommend buying two (read: I lost one wiping hard).

Youtube

Thanks to Wilson and gizmoduck, who just use a handful of poison ivy fashioned to a stick because they're hardcore.

Jun 12 2009 Questionable: Boy Is Allegedly Hit By Meteorite, Lives To Tell Spread Lies About It

Allegedly Gerrit Blank, 14, of Essen, Germany, got hit by a pea-sized meteorite on his way to school.

A red hot, pea-sized piece of rock then hit his hand before bouncing off and causing a foot wide crater in the ground.

The teenager survived the strike, the chances of which are just 1 in a million - but with a nasty three-inch long scar on his hand.

He said: "At first I just saw a large ball of light, and then I suddenly felt a pain in my hand.

"The noise that came after the flash of light was so loud that my ears were ringing for hours afterwards.

"When it hit me it knocked me flying and then was still going fast enough to bury itself into the road," he explained.

Jesus, Gerrit, so you didn't finish your book report, it's not that big a deal.

14-year-old hit by 30,000 mph space meteorite [telegraph]

Thanks to catch22, Texico and Joemo, who have all been hit in the face with real UFO's and never missed a class.

Jun 12 2009 Gang Uses Stolen Credit Cards To Buy Own Music On Amazon/iTunes, Collect Royalties

That's right, some gang of criminal masterminds operating out of Britain uploaded songs to iTunes and Amazon and then, using 1,500 stolen credit cards, bought $750,000 worth of their own songs, netting them nearly $300,000 in royalties.

Six men and three women were arrested yesterday by 60 officers at addresses in London, Birmingham, Wolverhampton and Kent. A man in his forties, was arrested later.

They are all being held in custody on suspicion of conspiracy to commit fraud and money laundering.

A police source said: "We will not know why they did what they did until we have conducted all the interviews."

Yeah, gee, I WONDER WHY THEY DID IT. Probably the same reason anyone partakes in criminal activity -- to pretend you're a rockstar.

Criminal gang bought own music on iTunes and Amazon using stolen cards [timesonline]

Thanks to ff, who tried to sell a music video on iTunes that was secretly just a video of him fapping.

Jun 12 2009 What Fridays On Geekologie Should Look Like

Look around. Does your desk area match the one in this picture? If not, you're doing it wrong. This is a picture of Geekologie loyalist naas's Friday interweb setup entitled 'fridays on geekologie'. And as you can see, the man really knows how to internet. After all, this is a website best viewed in squinting one-eyed resolution. Vomit optional.

naas' Flickr Stream (with a bunch more booze and a ton of shots from Japan)

Thanks to naas, who urges you all to please, Geekologie responsibly.

Jun 12 2009 Because You're A Badass: Leather Band-Aids

Let's face it, you're a badass. And a badass needs something equally bangarang to cover his booboos when he falls and skins his leg or cuts himself with a laserbeam. Enter leather band-aids. A pack of 3 will set you back $18, which is a little steep considering they don't come with matching chaps. Also available: genuine Louis Vuitton leather band-aids (SADLY NOT JOKING). Personally, I like to dress my wounds oldschool: in tuxedos.

Hit the jump for one more shot.

Continue Reading " Because You're A Badass: Leather Band-Aids "

Jun 12 2009 Stormchasers Capture Inside Of Tornado

This is a video of some stormchasers in Goshen county, Wyoming driving into a tornado (the good stuff starts around 2:20). I've got to admit, it's a pretty ballsy move -- but I've done it on foot. And yes, I was transported to Oz. Don't believe me? Then where'd I get these Munchkin panties?

Holy Crap, Storm Chasers Captured Footage Inside a Tornado [gizmodo]

Jun 12 2009 Weird Gel Remote Lays Limp When Not In Use

This conceptual gel remote from Panasonic lays limp when not in use, pulsating with a soft light. But when its sensors detect a hand coming, it stiffens, ready for action!

Constructed of a soft, flesh-like gel, the remote appears cold when off. Once turned on, however, it seems to come to life. A soft light emanates somewhere from within as the center of the device begins to slowly rise and fall, mimicking the tranquil motions of breath. Left undisturbed, the remote will slumber peacefully. But should a human hand approach, sensors inside alert it to the imminent touch. It stops breathing, grows rigid - the light from within is extinguished.

Wow, congratulations on the world's creepiest remote, Panasonic. Limp when not in use, rigid when you touch it -- doesn't that remind you of something else? No? Me neither.

Strange Gel Remote Concept by Panasonic [cubeme]

Thanks Anothony, but put that away. You can't change the channel with that.

Jun 11 2009 Oh Snap -- You Just Got PEW PEW PEWed!

I don't even have windows in my apartment OR car but that didn't stop me from buying $6,000 worth of Solar Gard Window Films. Because, you know what they say, "Pew makes the world go round". No? "Kill two birds with one laser"? A-ha! "All you need is pew." Amen to that.

Animated gif [threadbombing]

Thanks to TeckniX, who sure knows how to brighten a Geekologie Writer's day.

Jun 11 2009 Dino Break Ups: The Story Of My Life

If you've ever wanted to get to know me better, watch this video -- it's the story of my life. And, if you can't tell, I don't perform well in relationships. But don't let that stop you. Ladies?

Youtube

Thanks to helliebee and Megan, who just realized they don't want to date me after all.

Jun 11 2009 Own (A Replica Of) Marty's Hat From BTTF 2!

I've got the feeling it'll look great with a neon pink track suit. Or nothing at all. Which, honestly, is the only way to wear hats. Of course, if you're a BTTF 2 purist you could whip out your shoes, jacket, hoverboard and Delorean and BAM!: dead ringer for Marty McFly.

While actually shipping July 15th, the Marty MacFly 2015 Hat Replica is available for pre-order today for the low, low price of $25.

I thought about buying one but then I realized my Hypercolor shirt stopped working years ago. Also, $25? That's a lap dance and can of beer at the strip club. That's right, can.

Buy the Hat from Back to the Future: Part II [gizmodo]

Thanks pudding, I want to eat you up. I mean, you are a chick, right? Right?

Jun 11 2009 I Like: Today's Woot Shirt, The Monalisaur

Today's shirt.woot is the Monalisaur. I bought one. It cost $10 shipped. I'm going to wear it. Then I'm going to cut a hole where the mouth is and wear it out. Yow yow! I've never made love to a dinosaur-woman hybrid before but I've always wanted to. Although, to my credit, I did make love to a woman with alligator skin once. She was a retiree in Florida selling citrus by the roadside. Best tangerines ever. And I'm not talking about her tits either.

Shirt Woot

Thanks to Corinna and Gizmoduck, who know what I like (read: dinosaurs).

Jun 11 2009 DO NOT OUTBID ME: How To Sell A Washer

As we've learned in the past, personal selling takes skills. We've seen people do it right, and we've seen people do it horribly, horribly wrong. This is another example of successful selling.

Once while washing a load of towells it got a bit out of balance and it got so out of control for a minute that I swear I actually saw a porthole to another dimension open above it just for a second, there were dinosaurs on the otherside and they looked scared too, it almost sucked me in but I held onto for my life to the deepfreeze. It sucked my shoes and pants off though and it got the iron as well which pissed me off because it was quite a good one. Luckily it sucked it's own power cord out of the wall and stopped before the whole house went in.

I drew a picture of the dinosaurs i saw incase people didn't believe me, they are partly red because my green felt ran out half way through.

Well, it's been real folks, but I'm boldly going where no man has gone before. Pantless. DINO-RIIIIIIDERS!

Hit the jump to read the entire ad (which is actually mad long) and see the dinosaurs.

Continue Reading " DO NOT OUTBID ME: How To Sell A Washer "

Jun 11 2009 Star Trek Communicator App For iPhone

Want a realistic Star Trek communicator app for your iPhone? You're in luck, dog.

This classic Star Trek communicator app for iPhone slipped past us when it was first released into the App Store at the end of May. The spot on graphics and familiar chirping sound triggered when performing the epic cover-flip to access the communicator's controls is pure goodness.

This app is dangerously authentic and it's actually useful too. Unfortunately the developers had to name it "Star Radio Communicator" ($.99) in order to keep Paramount from sniffing out their brilliant effort.

*BEEP BOOP chirpity chirp chirp* Geekologie Writer, come in -- this is your captain speaking. What do you say you and I go investigate planet Dinosauria and score some sweet tail? "Captain, I've already been beamed."

UPDATE: App was purchased by several Geekologie Readers who attest the thing is a monster piece of shit and doesn't sound right at all. Save your buck.

Star Trek Communicator for iPhone Is Spot On [iphonesavior]

Thanks to Michael, who boob beep chirpity chirps all the ladies. And to Dan, Aaron and konstance for each pissing away $1 to find out it sucks the balls.

Jun 11 2009 Tell Me How This Is Okay: Robots With Guns

Jun 11 2009 Um, Hooray?: Smurf Party Sets World Record

Proving beyond a shadow of a doubt you can score a Guinness World Record for absolutely anything, a group of 2,510 students in Swansea, UK donned Smurf costumes and became "the largest gathering of people dressed as Smurfs". Wow, that's a whole lot of blue penises.

The record was previously held by the town of Castleblayney in County Monaghan, Ireland, which recorded 1,253 Smurfs gathered in the high street last year.

"This is just the beginning of our world record run. We are hoping to set, break and smash Guinness World Records for iconic characters from Daleks to Superheroes. Watch this space."

Well, isn't that something? I'm all for the continued cosplayery. May I suggest the largest crowd of naked female Wonderwomen anything. Also, you can't trust those goons from Guinness, so I'll be officiating.

Hit the jump for a partial shot of a Smurf's ass.

Continue Reading " Um, Hooray?: Smurf Party Sets World Record "

Jun 10 2009 Iceberg, Dead Ahead!: Your Own R/C Titanic

Want a 1:150 (~6-foot) R/C scale model of the Titanic? These monster water gobbling whores allegedly have over 300 handmade parts and take over 400 man-hours to complete. You can buy them too, provided you've got a cool $2,500 lying around. Which, if you do, WHAT'S THAT OVER THERE? *sockful of pennies you in the face* Haha, the boat is mine! TOOT TOOOOT! [Insert joke about going down on my ship]

Product Page
via
Remote-controlled scale model of the Titanic is asking for trouble [dvice]

Jun 10 2009 Street Fighter II Bonus Stage In Real Life

Alright, I have to lay off the ropacalypse posts for a little bit, I was starting to have heart palpitations. Also, a serious decrease in libido. Thankfully, I just watched Jurassic Park in fast forward, so I think I'll be okay. Anyway, this is the 'beat up the car' bonus stage from Street Fighter II reenacted by a real life Ryu. And, as you can probably tell, he received no bonus points.

Youtube

Thanks to asiantom, who would have begun with a couple well-placed Hadoukens to get the party started quickly.

Jun 10 2009 Noob Not Millionth Word Of English Language After All. No, Apparently Now It's 'Web 2.0'

Remember last month when I reported 'noob' was going to be the millionth English word introduced into dictionaries? Well apparently I was lied to (you bitch!), and now the honor goes to 'Web 2.0', which is pretty effed up considering it's half numeral.

The buzzword that heralded the new age of social networking on the internet, Web 2.0, has been crowned the one millionth English word by a US-based language monitoring group.

The Texas-based Global Language Monitor (GLM) acknowledges new words once they have been used 25,000 times on media and social networking sites like Twitter and Facebook. It predicts that a new English-language word is created every 98 minutes.

You know what, I'm tired of this honky-tonk flip-flopping bullshit. I suggest we start a rumor that Geekologie is actually the millionth word in the English language. It's sure as hell a whole lot more believable than noob and web 2.0. As a matter of fact, I already defined it in an earlier post.

Geekologie n, v (2008)
1. the study of all things geek
Dude, this college sucks, you can't even get a Geekologie degree.

2. to utterly destroy someone else and prove your dominance, similar to pwn
Suck it, sucker, I just beat your Bomberman high score. You got Geekologied!

3. to teabag a passed out roommate who forgot to take his shoes off
Quick, grab the video camera -- I'm gonna Geekologie Davey!

Now, go forth and spread the news, LEST I HAVE TO GEEKOLOGIE THAT ASS.

'Web 2.0' is one millionth English word [msn]

Thanks to jawn and draw, who just wrote Merriam Webster and told them to suck it.

Jun 10 2009 You Fool!: Man Builds Giant Mecha In Garage

You thought I was kidding about it being Robotic Apocalypse Awareness Day, didn't you? I wasn't. First the Israeli snake robot, then Gundam, and now, another mecha. Plus, the day isn't over yet. Holy shit, more to come. Truth? You can't handle the truth!

Carlos Owens, 31, an army mechanic by trade, began building his own personal mecha in his garage in 2004. Five years, later, TA-DA -- tetanus on two feet.

Owens is working on two more prototypes, modifying the design to make it lighter and more maneuverable. For the new prototype of his mechanical suit, Carlos Owens is planning to feature a chest plate that swings open so he doesn't have to climb in from underneath.

He foresees mechas having uses in the military and the construction industry but acknowledges that right now they're best suited to entertainment. The first application he has in mind: mecha-vs.-mecha battles, demolition-derby style.

Demolition-derby style mecha wars, huh? Well at least you've got your priorities straight, Carlos. And, since I was born complete with pirate cannonballs, I challenge your mecha to the death. Go on, climb up in there. The fight will begin as soon as....*PEW PEW PEW PEW!* Now somebody haul this scrap to the junkyard.

Hit the jump for a closeup of Carlos in the thing. Alternatively: face tetanus.

Continue Reading " You Fool!: Man Builds Giant Mecha In Garage "

Jun 10 2009 Japan Completes Life-Sized Gundam Statue

Nice Japan, a giant freaking Gundam -- I was tired of living anyways. You know, you're really flirting with fire here. Like that time I tried to make out with a candle and almost set my nacho ablaze.

To celebrate the 30th anniversary of the mecha anime/manga/toy/video game franchise, this 18-meter-tall (59-foot-tall) RX-78 has been erected.

Fifty points on the Gundam statue will emit light, and mist will shoot out of 14 different points on the statue. The 1/1 scale Gundam boasts a moveable head and a continuous stream of oh-man-this-is-so-damn-cool.

Now I'm not saying this thing is gonna come alive, go rogue, and destroy Japan, but it is, and my schoolgirl panties better ship before it does.

Hit the jump for a couple more shots and a couple links to massive picture galleries.

Continue Reading " Japan Completes Life-Sized Gundam Statue "

Jun 10 2009 I'd Have Never Missed An Episode: What If The Enterprise Was Run By Sexy Ladies?

This is a moderately NSFW video showing what life would be like on the Enterprise if it was partially run by scantily clad womens. Although truthfully, Deanna Troi was more than enough sexy lady/Betazoid hybrid for me. Yow yow! And how about when she and Worf were getting it on? Geekologie Writer's Log, Stardate 47988.0: Double boner.

Youtube

Thanks to darkfall13, who was all about some Beverly Crusher.

Jun 10 2009 Aaaah!: Israeli Army To Deploy Robot Snakes

Well folks, based on the tips I've been getting, it looks like today might turn into Robot Apocalypse Awareness Day (RAAD -- which is ironic, because this is far from the power of sick). Long story short: it's probably best to empty your bowels now. So, apparently the Israeli army has been working on the development of creepy robot snakes (not to be confused with these ones) for use in battle. Not cool. Also, they may need to brush up on their Photoshop skills if they were trying to inconspicuously remove the power cord from that picture.

Well, apparently, the snake's physical attributes and all-terrain mobility advantages haven't gone unnoticed by the Israeli military. The Jerusalem Post is reporting that the Israel Defense Forces (IDF) have introduced an all-terrain snake-like recon robot/UGV (Unmanned Ground Vehicle) a.k.a. robotic snake or "robot snake" to crawl around the battlefield looking for the enemy and potential targets. If it locates the enemy, the robot snake can then slither up to the enemy/target and record audio and video of that target, and then slither right back off.

There is even talk of packing the things with explosives (making them much more like my snake) so you can detonate your enemies from afar. You know, just like that computer game Worms, except nothing like that at all. More like that game Oh Shit What the Eff Are You Thinking, Israel?!. Yeah, just like that one.

Hit the jump for a video of the snake in action.

Continue Reading " Aaaah!: Israeli Army To Deploy Robot Snakes "

Jun 10 2009 New Futuramas Coming To Comedy Central

Sad they stopped making new Futurama episodes? Well cry no more my puffy-eyed compadre, Comedy Central just signed a deal for 26 new episodes beginning mid-2010!

When the series returns with original episodes in 2010, it will be seven years after the show's last original episode aired on Fox. That's a much longer hiatus than the three years Family Guy spent on the bench before being summoned back by Fox.

All key voice cast members are expected to return for the new episodes, along with the series' core writing team.

Nice, now I can finally reignite my love-hate relationship with Bender. Good to see you again buddy, wanna drink? What am I saying -- I'll kill you! Unless you have naked pictures of Leela, in which case, BFFs!

I'll kill you in your sleep.

Comedy Central gives Futurama new future [abc]

Thanks to Rigo, Nick, Julian and Sarah-Ashton, who have never received a package from Planet Express on time.

Jun 9 2009 Cuuute!: Hello Kitty 'Castle' Opens In Shanghai

It looks more like a house to me, but like the saying goes, "one man's house is another He-Man's Castle Grayskull". So who am I to argue? BESIDES THE BEST DAMN (MASS) DEBATER MY HIGH SCHOOL EVER SAW! Anyway, this is a Hello Kitty castle that recently opened to the feline loving public in Shanghai, China. I have no idea why, I guess it's like a museum or something. A museum of cuteness! See ladies, I can be sensitive. Even more sensitive than old people teeth. But I can still eat ice cream. I'll be at the parlor, call me.

Hit the jump to see several more of the cat ladyness.

Continue Reading " Cuuute!: Hello Kitty 'Castle' Opens In Shanghai "

Jun 9 2009 Like This: How To Make Tetris NSFW

This is a NSFW video of a tetrad guy watching a Tetris orgy video. Which, if watched without sound, is actually pretty safe for work. But then you don't get to hear all the moaning, which, honestly, is the only reason I stay in seedy hotels in the first place. As a matter of fact, a few weeks ago I heard this one couple going at it so hard it sounded like they were gonna kill each other. Then gunshots. Then me collecting my audio equipment and tiptoeing to the car.

Hardcore Tetris Orgy Brings Back Odd Memories [gizmodo]

Thanks to Julian, who's actually owns that title on Blu-ray.

Jun 9 2009 Mountain Dew Is Back With WoW Game Fuel

You may recall a couple years ago when Mountain Dew came out with a special edition Halo-themed soda called Game Fuel. You may also recall It tasting like shit and the Geekologie Writer suing because it made his penis shrink (it was visible before, I swear). Well now they're back with two World of Warcraft inspired game imbibe-ables.

The Horde drink is reddish orange and packed with "a blast of citrus cherry". Nice, guys -- God knows orcs probably love that citrus cherry flavor. The Alliance beverage is blue and "packs a punch of wild fruit flavor". Ironically, so do I. Both drinks are available now and guarantee to be packed with previously unheard of amounts of performance reducing yellow #5. Mmmm.

Official Site

Thanks to PsychoSane13, who can't make up his mind and probably leaning towards psycho. Also, the red drink.

Jun 9 2009 Will Future Ovens Cook With Lasers? (Yes)

Electrolux just ran another one of their harebrained design competitions and this laser-powered oven created by Ludovic Peperstaete was one of the featured designs. It cooks with pews!

Instead of heating elements or an open flame, food is cooked via 3 harmless lasers that are targeted by the cook. And while a single laser supposedly isn't strong enough to cook food, we all know that crossing two lasers can cook anything from a Thanksgiving turkey to the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

I, for one, welcome our pew pew oven overlords. Now, bake me a cake! What do you mean, "there's already a bun in the oven"? I thought we did it in the broiler. WELL THEY'RE TOO CLOSE TOGETHER -- HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?!

Could A Laser Oven Be In Our Future? Pew Pew! [ohgizmo]

Thanks to Damian, who cooks his meals the old fashioned way: by leaving it to a woman.

Jun 9 2009 Fun Website: Let Me Google That For You

Let me Google That For You (LMGTFY) is a fun website that allows you to send links to people that effectively Google a topic for them because they're idiots. Click HERE to see an example I made. Pretty awesome, huh? I thought so. Don't agree? Click HERE.

Let Me Google That For You

Thanks to Randy, who once Googled Google and made the interwebs explode.

Jun 9 2009 Doctor Who Fan Dies, Has Themed Funeral

Sebastian Neale, a 26 year old from South Wales and mega-fan of the Doctor Who series, passed away recently due to head injuries and was given a proper Dr. Who themed send off.

The funeral music was swapped out in favor of the Dr. Who's theme song and mourners were greeted with the Doctor's words, "I'm a time lord ... I'm not a human being. I walk in eternity." Instead of Bible verses, the funeral consisted of quotes from classic Who scripts, including William Hartnell's famous speech from "The Dalek Invasion Of Earth": "One day, I will come back. Yes, I shall come back. Until then there must be no regrets, no tears, no anxieties. Just go forward in all your beliefs, and prove to me that I am not mistaken in mine."

Wow, I just got a little teary eyed. You know, this got me thinking about my own funeral. I've decided I want it to be Geekologie themed. I'd like the presiding wizard to read a few of my funnier posts (which I have yet to write), and you mourners (and rejoicers) to read some of your comments. Then, Daisy will proclaim the whole thing a fake, and that I'm secretly crashing in Baja and Max's garage, waiting to start a new life. The ceremony will end with The Superficial Writer urinating into my open casket.

R.I.P. Sebastian, I hope your Tardis takes you to whenever you want.

Hit the jump for a better shot of the casket.

Continue Reading " Doctor Who Fan Dies, Has Themed Funeral "

Jun 9 2009 Han Solo, P.I.: Star Wars/Magnum P.I. Mashup

These are scenes from Star Wars set to the Magnum P.I. opening theme with amazingly accurate scenes to match those from the television show. Which leads us to an important question: who would make a better lover, Han with his laser blaster or Magnum with his mustache? If you answered, "The Geekologie Writer and a rack of pork ribs", congratulations, you've won yourself a date. I'm thinking the museum of natural history -- pick me up at seven, I don't drive.

Hit the jump to see a video of the mashup without the comparison shot.

Continue Reading " Han Solo, P.I.: Star Wars/Magnum P.I. Mashup "

Jun 9 2009 USB Microwave Is World's Smallest, For Beans

The Heinz Beanzawave is being billed as the world's smallest microwave and measures a scant 7.4 inches tall by 6.2 inches wide and 5.9 inches deep. It's equally suited for heating a can of beans/soup at your desk or frying your nuts so you can't have children.

The mini microwave is being developed as a partner to Heinz Snap Pots, baked beans in single-serving containers. The Snap Pots, available in the U.K., fit perfectly into the Beanzawave. But the $160 device will only be released commercially if consumer feedback is positive and if component prices drop in the near future.

Well you can count me on board. I'M ON A BOAT! Just kidding, I wish I was though. No, right now I'm just laying in bed topless braiding my penises. Now where'd I put that scrunchie?

Beanzawave: The World's Smallest Microwave [fastcompany]

Thanks to scottsc, who cooks his beans at work the old fashioned way: on a campfire in the boardroom.

Jun 8 2009 Pimp Out Your Bike Wheels With Monkeylectric

Looking to add some flashy flair to your bicycle but already have a sweet horn? How about some LEDs for your wheels? Monkeylectric bike LEDs are capable of producing cool designs, including, and not just limited to: stars and shit.

It's essentially a AA battery-powered 256 RGB system that straps to a bike's spokes and has a sweet spot of between 8 and 20 mph: At 8, you'll just start to see the patterns in the center, and at 20 the light show will have taken over your entire wheel. It's customizable, but only to a point, as you have to use the on-board buttons to alter the patterns rather than loading images via USB or whatever.

A kit costs $60, which really isn't too bad considering all the seizures you'll cause. I just ordered two. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? If you answered, "a pot leaf on the front wheel and skull & crossbones on the back", you're not. I'm going dual mudflap chicks, baby!

Hit the jump for a picture of the device and a worthwhile video of them in action.

Continue Reading " Pimp Out Your Bike Wheels With Monkeylectric "

Jun 8 2009 Apple's Worldwide Developer's Conference: New iPhone 3GS And Some Other Stuff

Well folks, Apple just wrapped up its Worldwide Developer's Conference in San Francisco, and, (no) surprise!: a new iPhone (and software update) available June 19th. Also, a couple new laptops and a new OS, Snow Leopard (I hope nobody got paid for that). Anyway, the highlights of the new iPhone are as follows:

• Improved performance
• 3-megapixel autofocus camera
• Video recording
• Voice Control
• Digital compass
• Cut, Copy & Paste
• MMS
• Spotlight Search
• Landscape keyboard
• Voice Memos

Wonderful. Especially considering I dropped mine face down on the driveway two days AND THEN STEPPED ON IT AND SKIDDED IT ACROSS THE concrete. Luckily, it didn't break, it just got scratched all to hell. Don't believe me? Hold on, I'll take a picture.

Okay, so you can't take a picture OF your iPhone WITH your iPhone (without using mirrors the way you'd look at your own ass in the bathroom).

Hit the jump for a picture of my wallpaper instead and a visual comparison of the new iPhone and old iPhone.

Continue Reading " Apple's Worldwide Developer's Conference: New iPhone 3GS And Some Other Stuff "

Jun 8 2009 It's About Time: Haynes Manual For Apollo 11

This is the $29 Haynes Owners' Workshop Manual for all the vehicles and equipment used during the Apollo 11 mission to the moon. I'm still gonna pick up a copy, despite deciding to build my own rocketship for scratch (I'm hoping for pointers on seducing moon-women).

On 20 July 1969, US astronaut Neil Armstrong became the first man to walk on the moon. This is the story of the Apollo 11 mission and the 'space hardware' that made it all possible. This manual looks at the evolution and design of the mighty Saturn V rocket, the Command and Service Modules, and the Lunar Module. It describes the space suits worn by the crew and their special life support and communications systems.

There you have it, everything you need to know about how to fly a mission to the moon 40 years ago. Of course, things have changed since then. Namely, US women now have the right to vote. Yeah, and we haven't sent anyone else to the moon in 37 years. Coincidence, or should women not be allowed to drive? You decide.

Product Site
via
NASA Apollo 11 Service Manual From Haynes [ohgizmo]

Jun 8 2009 Evading The Red Army: Russian Freerunning

Not to be outdone by wicked sickness that is ninja boy, this is an older video of some wicked Russian freerunning/climbing. It's pretty impressive and if I had even half those moves I would have spent a lot less in the slammer learning about love and relationships and bartering one's ass for cigarettes. Regardless, I think we can all agree that the world would be a much different place now if the Ruskies had this intelligence during the Cold War. Read: I'd be drinking vodka right now. Wait, I am drinking vodka right now. I HEART YOU RUSSIA!

Send me a bride.

Youtube

Thanks to AmericanKGB, who may or may not be working both sides. I suspect he is.

Jun 8 2009 I'd Eat It: A Meatwad Inspired Meat Dress

This is a Meatwad (of Aqua teen Hunger Force fame) inspired cosplay dress. As you can see, the chick isn't looking too Meatwad-y. More Meatstick-y. AND THE DRESS IS MADE FROM REAL FREAKING MEAT. AAAAAAAAAAH I'M IN LOVE!

I considered somehow vacuum-sealing sheets of meat with those sealers they have on the markets now, but the machines were too expensive for a one-time-only disposeable dress. I ended up using the K.I.S.S. method of construction, which involved a basic shift dress out of thick cotton. I layed the meat on top, then put clear vinyl over it and sewed tracks with clear thread. I used a wide stitch length to avoid perforating the meat to the point it might just... uh, slide down the bottom of the dress. I also blotted it all before sewing to get rid of as much grease as possible to avoid clouding the vinyl. Lastly, I made sure to bind the bottom of the dress with a strip of clear vinyl to catch drips.

That was hands down the sexiest thing I've ever read. Now I'm not saying I'd make love to this woman just because she made a dress out of meat, but I 100% would. Twice. And then have her make sandwiches out of...you guessed it! I know, I should write fairy tales.

Hit the jump for a couple more shots and a link to Jia Jem's cosplay site which has A TON of other sexy costumes she's made. Literally, a ton. I think I have a new crush.

Continue Reading " I'd Eat It: A Meatwad Inspired Meat Dress "

Jun 8 2009 Geekologie Reader Turns Battlestar Galactica's Number Six Into A Puppet

Now I don't want to get into a philosophical debate about the merits of banging a humanoid Cylon, but in Number Six's case, I would. Hell, I'd even do her in puppet form. What do you know -- I'm in luck! Geekologie Reader Brian (of Puppet Palpatine fame) is making a bunch of Battlestar Galactica puppets and decided to start with Number Six (Tricia Helfer). And believe me, I would totally stick my hand in that. Past the wrist.

Hit the jump for three more shots (the last one possibly NSFW depending on how your employer's felt nipple policy) and links to a huge Flickr gallery and build page (including videos).

Continue Reading " Geekologie Reader Turns Battlestar Galactica's Number Six Into A Puppet "

Jun 8 2009 Conan Does Bit About Super Mario Backdrop

This is a video of Conan O'Brien talking about his new Mushroom Kingdom inspired backdrop. I don't want to ruin it for you, but there were no dinosaurs. Also, that's two plugs now Conan, it's time you holler back at your boy.

Youtube

Thanks to Fally, who agrees late-night television is seriously lacking in the dinosaur department.

Jun 8 2009 Stealth Dodge Challenger Built By Air Force

Want to join the Air Force? Look at the picture above. How about now? Still no? Well damn, the Air Force is gonna be pissed -- this was supposed to be a powerful recruitment tool.

The Challenger Vapor features radar-absorbing stealth-black paint, not unlike what is used to mask stealth bombers. The Vapor is set to run almost silently, thanks to "stealth exhaust" - whatever that means. Reminds us of when KITT used to go "Silent Mode" on Knight Rider. You need biometric verification to enter the cockpit via gull wing doors. The driver can view night/thermal vision projections on the windshield while sitting in a compartment that looks like something out of Crimson Tide.

Listen, Air Force, I'm not one to tell somebody how to do their job, but if you want new recruits, you're going about it all wrong. Two words: Free jetpacks. You think about it.

UPDATE: Looks like they also made a Mustang with a jet-like cockpit. Added pics after jump.

Hit the jump for a couple more shots and a short video of the thing.

Continue Reading " Stealth Dodge Challenger Built By Air Force "

Jun 7 2009 The Aliens Are Coming: Sheep In A Circle

This is a picture of sheep in Herefordshire, England forming a perfect circle all by themselves because the aliens are coming. And aliens, at least according to science, hate circles. Some people believe the shape was created by a farmer dropping feed in a circular pattern, but those people are crazy.

Photographer Russell Bird, who captured the amazing scene, said:"I was quite taken aback. I couldn't believe what I was seeing," he said.

Bizarrely, he then spotted another circle three fields away, but was unable to take a picture with both "formations" lasting around 10 minutes before dispersing.

Estate agent Mr Bird added of the scene in Kington, Herefordshire: "They moved around inside and were almost filling the gaps in.

"The only reason this circle came to an end was that the farmer came in with a tractor and some food."

Did you read that? If you answered, "No, I was too busy digging my tinfoil helmet out of the hall closet", congratulations, there may be hope for you yet.

Forget crop circles - now we've got a mysterious SHEEP circle [mailonline]

Thanks to naas, who's smart enough to keep a roll of industrial strength duct tape by the bedside.

Jun 7 2009 Interwebs: Watch Web Soup Tonight On G4

You know that show The Soup that cuts down a day's worth of teletubes to a 30 minute show? Well now there's one for the interwebs. Web Soup premieres tonight on G4 at 9PM eastern and highlights the best shit on the internut. Plus, it's partially written by Anticlown loyalist and all around captain badass Jonah Ray. Who, I can attest, once joked the tits off a witch. Now I know what you're thinking -- and no, I didn't get paid for this. I'm just hoping that, if I play my cards right, Olivia Munn's ass meets my hand. YOU WILL RETURN MY EMAILS!

Official Site

Jun 7 2009 WoW Gold Farming Website Pays $500K For Tattoo Ad On Adult Film Star's Ample Chest

Russian adult film star Anna Morgan (seen above, possibly named after that chick in The Ring) was paid $500,000 to get a tattoo on her natural DD breasts advertising a World of Warcraft gold-selling website. Ah, capitalism. Also, breast advertisement ever.

The WoW Gold selling website, MyMMOShop.com has paid Russian porn star Anna Morgan to tattoo their company's logo and website URL to her breasts. The company feels that her natural dd sized breasts will provide an ample space for the advertisement. Given the number of films porn stars tend to make in a year's time, the tattoo should be seen many thousands of times. Anna has agreed not to alter the tattoo for at least two years.

Wow, I don't know what to say. This is simultaneously the most brilliant and saddest thing I've ever heard. I don't know whether I should laugh or cry or try to motorboat my monitor. BWUBWUBWUBWWUB! I chose wisely.

Porn Star Paid $500,000 To Tattoo Company URL & Logo To Her DD Breasts [newsguide]

Thanks to Troy, who once ran a Snuggie ad on his junk. The rest, is history.

Jun 7 2009 Geekologie Reader Makes Death Star Grill

Geekologie Reader Bryan, inspired by the post on rejected Star Wars products, went and made a Death Star Grill (complete with Star Destroyer handle!). And I, for one, would slap my Rebel meat all over it.

I started with two Weber grills and used the bottom portions because they were fairly spherical. I welded up the stand and fabricated the vent systems (there is a vent on the bottom also). The inside is painted in barbecue paint so it is safe to cook with. The outside is painted in engine enamel so it should be good to 500 degrees. I know it isn't perfect but it was a fun project. The grill is now up on eBay.com so check it out if you'd like your very own Death Star Grill!

Bidding starts at $50, and the grill is capable of cooking both Endor and dinner. *pew pew* Take that, tauntaun chops!

Hit the jump for another shot and links to Bryan's website and eBay auction.

Continue Reading " Geekologie Reader Makes Death Star Grill "