May 17 2009Inventor Denied Patent For Human 'Killer Chip'
A Saudi inventor was recently denied a German patent for what is being described as a "killer chip". What is a killer chip? Cooler Ranch Doritos, hands down.
The basic model would consist of a tiny GPS transceiver placed in a capsule and inserted under a person's skin, so that authorities could track him easily. Model B would have an extra function -- a dose of cyanide to remotely kill the wearer without muss or fuss if authorities deemed he'd become a public threat.
The inventor said the chip could be used to track terrorists, criminals, fugitives, illegal immigrants, political dissidents, domestic servants and foreigners overstaying their visas."The invention will probably be found to violate paragraph two of the German Patent Law -- which does not allow inventions that transgress public order or good morals
If the aliens have taught us anything, it's that the key to successful human tracking is NOT LETTING THE HUMANS KNOW. You embed a cyanide chip under my skin and guess what -- I'm cutting it out. With my teeth. Oh I'm sorry, was that too hardcore for you? Yeah, well one time I ate two of my own toes because I hadn't eaten dessert.
Saudi 'Killer Chip' Implant Would Track, Eliminate Undesirables [foxnews]
Thanks to Dustin and philip, who track people the old fashioned way: by looking for footprints and shit. Literally, looking for shit.
Reader Comments
1. FIRST - May 17, 2009 11:57 AM
OMG FIRST OIMG!!!! IM SO KOOL
2. firstgold - May 17, 2009 12:07 PM
Hm... I think that's a good idea, but with things like this the wrold will become more and more like 1984 eventually...
3. Tennist0 - May 17, 2009 12:12 PM
@1- you're NOT cool...first of all, spell "cool"right next time and try not being a dousch
4. Ann e. Mouse - May 17, 2009 12:13 PM
I'd give it 1 week before the system got hacked for remote controlled assassination.
5. yikes - May 17, 2009 12:16 PM
meh. maybe its a good idea, but yeah kinda scary. convicted killers, rapists and other HUGE threats to people maybe... but doesn't this violate all kinds of rights?
6. Honky Magoo - May 17, 2009 12:26 PM
What the article dosen't mention is that the inventor is.. a.....
ROBOT!
7. Shoe that likes turtles - May 17, 2009 12:26 PM
I think that if every one just let a turtle smex them up we would not have violence
And we would not need these things EHHHHH!
8. Fors - May 17, 2009 12:30 PM
This chip seems like the kind of thing that spies would use. Especially spies from governments that have questionable morals.
Your homeland could keep track of you, and if you were ever caught you would die before anyone could interrogate you.
9. nightfall - May 17, 2009 12:38 PM
Why not put these into every sex offender? Come within 50 yards of a child and boosh! no more perv
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10. Darth - May 17, 2009 12:46 PM
What's this? Is this a new kind of suppository?
11. Bobby - May 17, 2009 12:48 PM
can i take the credit for his work?
gardening fail, gardener have some sense of humor
http://www.epiclosers.com/load/8-1-0-370
12. Tennist0 - May 17, 2009 12:59 PM
Maybe swap the syanide with a high dosage of depressant so it isn't deadly but gives us an easy catch
13. zognor: ruler of lizards - May 17, 2009 1:20 PM
How weird would it be to just see someone drop dead because somebody in cubicle somewhere decided they were suddenly a threat to society? I guess it'd stink to have the same name as an incarcerated criminal. Hey! You okay? Oh, crap, wrong guy.
14. Paperclip inventor - May 17, 2009 1:22 PM
Aren't bullets easy enough?
15. Daisy - May 17, 2009 1:37 PM
FAKE!!!!
This is a complete photoshop job. You can tell its a fake because the shadow's are all wrong.
This is exactly like that scene in the movie NEver Back Down where MAx was implanted with a chip to make him kill the queen of england when Kahn pressed the button on his keychain.
16. no offence - May 17, 2009 4:25 PM
daisy i want to bed you
17. Aids - May 17, 2009 4:32 PM
They already have stuff better then that killer robots!
http://std-aids.mybrute.com
18. dick - May 17, 2009 5:18 PM
can you imagine if say, some one hacked the remote signals? genocide. wow.
19. Everyone Thinks I'm Jewish - May 17, 2009 5:31 PM
The fact that Fox News posted it and that they say it would eliminate "undesirables" causes me to fear my life, seeing as I am a non-Republican, non-straight, pro-choice non-Christian.
20. D - May 17, 2009 5:34 PM
I say this is a good idea. A good idea indeed.
21. $.02 and a pocket full of FAH-Q - May 17, 2009 7:13 PM
I'm with GW - If I had a cynanide chip in my body, I would carve that bad boy out and hand feed it to whoever the hell implanted it in me.
22. cd - May 17, 2009 8:30 PM
lol, FAIL
whole new door to euthenasia....
emo kids smashing their chips instead of cutting themselves
people falling over and rupturing their chips
These chips quite clearly require a level of responsibility the human race do not have in their mental posession.
imagine a mass protest where people rupture their chips in front of a federal building and having to clean that shit up.
23. billabong021 - May 17, 2009 8:45 PM
Domestic servant's and foreigner's overstaying their visas?
And they complain when they're not allowed in America, and wonder why?!
24. Matthew.soden@dia.mil - May 17, 2009 10:07 PM
What wasn't mentioned here is that the inventor also proposed using it on Saudi Arabian citizens who do not return from pilgrimages. See the article here:
http://www.thelocal.de/sci-tech/20090515-19313.html
25. oyen - May 17, 2009 11:08 PM
sounds like something straight from a sci-fi novel about how to control slavery.
26. 23.49.008 - May 17, 2009 11:11 PM
Step-by-step removal of chip here:
http://www.operationswamp0000.net/
27. Incredible - May 18, 2009 2:42 AM
You write as if you're fat.
28. encoder - May 18, 2009 3:13 AM
yeah. it was denied because the patent already exists. we are so doomed. the only thing we can do is to achieve victory in numbers, hopefully overloading the satellites. WE HAVE TO MULTIPLY. i am willing to sacrifice myself for the sake of humanity. ladies, call me! i am a bottomless pit of sperm.
29. Brute - May 18, 2009 3:18 AM
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30. ann - May 18, 2009 6:27 AM
check http://yourtvonline.com
31. Jaded Icon - May 18, 2009 6:53 AM
Let's be realistic here. This is no way this would be implimented in UK, India, Canada, USA, ect. because our way of life and government is set up that the citizen rights will always maintain control (at least majority). I see this being more widely used in governments that are afraid of their own citizens, such as Venezuela, Dictatorships and Oligarchies that know that they are oppressing their own people and so are afraid of an uprising.
32. Elboroto - May 18, 2009 10:20 AM
That would be one hell of a facebook application.
33. Watcht-303 - May 18, 2009 11:46 AM
this guy is an asshole and needs to be stopped!
34. tehKenny Dixon - May 18, 2009 12:17 PM
NEW HEADLINE: Person Who Invented Device to Remotely Kill People Apparently Still Allowed to Breathe My Air
35. Elboroto - May 18, 2009 10:31 PM
I can swear I saw a nano-carrot inside that thing
36. Alen G. - May 19, 2009 1:29 AM
Brought to you by the new world order. Coming to a police state near you.
37. Captain - May 19, 2009 11:00 AM
MUST SEE!!
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38. Ken W - May 19, 2009 11:40 AM
This "inventor" was living in a dream world from the beginning - all first-world governments have more than enough technology to do this, if they wanted, without having to pay royalties to some random Saudi. If he ever thought he could patent this and sell it to world governments he clearly isn't as intelligent as he thinks he is.
39. lizzy - May 22, 2009 2:11 PM
"What is a killer chip? Cooler Ranch Doritos, hands down.
ahahaha, very funny. adorable :)
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