May 29 2009Archie Is Set To Marry....Veronica (Black Hair)
Archie, after like a million years of trying to bone both Veronica and Betty, is committing himself to one woman, Veronica. *sniff* Don't do it bro, don't do it. Why buy the cow when you can do everything on the farm, know what I'm saying? I'm talking goats and shit.
In what's being billed the "Archie Story of the Century," perennially indecisive loverboy Archie Andrews has finally chosen the raven-haired Veronica Lodge over sunny girl-next-door Betty Cooper, according to the official Archie Comics website.
"Could it be true? Has Archie finally decided to take the plunge and propose to comics' favourite rich girl? It sure looks that way!" read a note posted online Wednesday.
Sure it looks that way, but nothing is what it seems...IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE *dum dum dum -- doot doot dum dum dum dum dum!*. The whole fiasco will be spread out over six comics (issues # 600-605) and culminate in Veronica catching Archie and Betty together (in a sexually suggestive situation) the night before their wedding and then locking the two in a hotel room and burning the building to the ground. The last panel will be Veronica giving Jughead a little hand action in the car while a fire engine races past.
Archie shocker: Comic book hero picks Veronica [cbanews]
Thanks to spiderkitten, who totally agrees I'd make a great comic book writer.
Reader Comments
1. naas - May 29, 2009 1:27 PM
I didn't get an invitation
2. naas - May 29, 2009 1:31 PM
...but I would hit that
3. Leonidas - May 29, 2009 1:32 PM
She's making a mistake, I have it on good authority that Jughead has a footlong. That's why he can eat so much without gaining weight, he's got a hollow leg.
4. photoshop-police - May 29, 2009 1:32 PM
archie should come out of the closet and marry jughead already.
i wanna be in the middle of a betty and veronica sandwich.
5. Dude - May 29, 2009 1:34 PM
I knew that dork would go for the money. She is a brunette, tho. And I bet she doesn't shave. Cash and bush. Works for me too!
6. Leonidas - May 29, 2009 1:40 PM
The hottest one in these comics was Moose's girl. Also, I'm glad Archie is finally out of high school—it only took him 50 years.
7. gizmoduck - May 29, 2009 1:40 PM
proposing at the jewelry store?
wtf. b*tch saw it cuming
∑:
8. The Dark Knight - May 29, 2009 1:42 PM
Hmmm... it's written by the producer of The Dark Knight / Batman Begins... I wonder how they're going to make the story brutal and realistic. Maybe Jug Head will push Archie over the edge by kidnapping both girls and forcing him to make a moral choice that has no positive outcome.
9. Brick Top - May 29, 2009 1:49 PM
you're on thin f**king ice my pedigree chums, and I shall be under it when it breaks.
10. HULKINGGORGON - May 29, 2009 1:51 PM
WOW HE IS GETTING MURDERED....... I MEAN MARRIED. LOL
11. Moose Knuckle - May 29, 2009 1:52 PM
Damn Archie, why choose?
We're this >< close to leagalizing gay marriage so legalized polygamy is right around the corner.
Can I get a "Hellz Yeah"?
12. Anon - May 29, 2009 2:05 PM
Who?
13. Quik - May 29, 2009 2:09 PM
Ok, so he's just practicing with Veronica and Betty and jughead just "happened" to look through the window.
or not, who cares?
14. Leela - May 29, 2009 2:09 PM
ZOMG this is the most shocking news since Barbie & Ken broke up!!!
15. barroom hero - May 29, 2009 2:17 PM
This reminds me of the conversation in Chasing Amy...LOL.
Hilarious. (but he should have chose the blonde, just sayin)
16. yan - May 29, 2009 2:18 PM
truth is in the last panel, jughead and archie elope to vermont where their marrage is accepted
17. STOMPY - May 29, 2009 2:21 PM
Holy radioactive flamining monkey turds being slung at my face in church.... how is Archie still even remotely popular... It started off in 1941 (about the same time America finally joined WWII...), and has been dead to me my entire life. Now there is a teen comic show on TV about this crap...
WHERE THE HELL IS TAILSPIN AND RESCUE RANGERS AND DARKWING DUCK WHEN YOU NEED THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Whats that you say? Another drink to calm me down? Perhaps your right... MMMMMM BruichLaddich you've stolen my heart one more time ...
(Does GFS enjoy the scotch also???? If so I am about to ask my mother aka the whore beast woman which confederate she slept with...)
18. dubba - May 29, 2009 2:23 PM
veronica is rich and is probly a better lay but will probly trade up when shes done with her victory dance over betty and find herseld an italian indy car driver (all she ever cared about was showing betty up...) besides archie couldnt tolerate that kind of personallity once the wedding novelty wears off
betty is more down to earth and would make him breakfast every day... and she isnt a bitch
archie needs to not be with a bitch
my inner child (which happens to be an 11 year old girl) has spoken
19. Clamdigger - May 29, 2009 2:32 PM
Who cares.... The guy looks like he wears a hair net .Could be the next gay Gov. of N.J.?
20. catch22 - May 29, 2009 2:36 PM
@18 i dont think veronica would be betteri n the sack.... just different... its all in what your in the mood for.
if your in the mood for some good ol fashoned love making... cuddling, some foreplay bit of oral and maybe some feathers and roleplaying... go for betty
if you want violent "ankles in the air swinging from the ceiling screaming biting double-jointed fun for everyone" dirty sex... go with veronica
its all in the preference
if it were me id marry betty
the freaky sluts are only good for dating
]
betty is better for the long haul
21. GLADIATOR - May 29, 2009 2:55 PM
Who cares ... it's a freaking cartoon ....
As real as Hollywood marriages .... =/
Come and join the short and easy game mybrute:
http://burpnassker.mybrute.com
22. photoshop-police - May 29, 2009 2:56 PM
better yet, screw that love triangle! I'll take Josie and the Pussycats!
23. $.02 and a pocket full of FAH-Q - May 29, 2009 3:08 PM
Pffbbt. I say Veronica says no and takes off with Betty. Archie isn't all that great.
24. Homer_J - May 29, 2009 3:10 PM
People still read Archie comics? This is 2009 right?
25. Honky Magoo - May 29, 2009 3:13 PM
Lets see.... Today we've had robots, robots, bacon, Legos, Archie, lightsabers..... Hmmmmm. Something just dosen't seem right, but I can't quite put my finger on it.
26. naas - May 29, 2009 3:27 PM
@17 fuĉking hilarious, hahahaha
27. aids - May 29, 2009 3:56 PM
They still make archie comics?-
http://std-aids.mybrute.com
28. Angel Mass - May 29, 2009 4:18 PM
How is this geeky?
29. Gigahydrant - May 29, 2009 5:32 PM
Man, I'd never even heard of this whole Archie thing before I started working at a supermarket (you memorize virtually every magazine in the checkout lane if you're a cashier - trust me.) The only people I ever see buy these things are creepy old guys. My theory is that they're trying to vicariously re-live their youth. It's total male fantasy: Archie is a geekball who's nonetheless incredibly popular with women for totally inexplicable reasons, just like the creepy old guys reading it *wish* they had been.
That being said, I'd totally go for Veronica. Money? Who cares! Black hair is freaking hot. She might be bitchy, but hey, twenty years from now Betty's gonna be fat and have leather-skin from roasting herself in the sun four hours a day. Hot white women with black hair are hard to find anyway. And I don't like blondes (unless they're cute Finnish hipster girls. That's different.) But if nerdboy was really smart he'd go for that Japanese gal from a recent issue, or maybe the redhead. Those are winners, gentlemen.
Of course anyone with half a brain knows this whole marriage deal is just going to end with someone waking up from their bad dream. This friggin' comic appears to have undergone virtually no change for sixty years, I doubt they have to balls to make such a radical change. It would be quite amusing if I was wrong, though.
Yours truly,
Ambassador Gigahydrant, Esquire
30. betty - May 29, 2009 5:35 PM
why must they slowly ruin everything from my childhood
31. betty - May 29, 2009 5:36 PM
also, it feels a little empty without Daisy.
32. ladym00s - May 29, 2009 5:44 PM
I always thought he and Betty were the better couple. Veronica should be with Reggie.
And as someone said above, Moose's girl (Cherry?) was always the hottest.
33. MoreSexPlease - May 29, 2009 7:18 PM
I hear Veronica takes it up the butt. Let that be a lesson ladies. If you truly want to get married, let a guy know that the ring gets an all-access pass to the ass.
34. timmy the frisky virus - May 29, 2009 7:20 PM
Good move, to choose financial security over love, especially when he comes home from Afghanistan with a plate in his head. He'd better make damn sure threr's a pre-nup though. Pick Betty, Arch, and you can look forward to a single-wide, four grubby kids, and a wife who's built like Shrek, all within ten years.
35. Salty Bob - May 29, 2009 7:38 PM
@32: Midge is Moose's girl, and yes she's hot, but the guys (usually Reggie) risked a permanent maiming at the big guy's hands for even glancing in her general direction. You may be thinking of Cheryl Blossom, who I would personally pick over the other two. She's a redhead, enough said.
36. JFreezy - May 29, 2009 7:52 PM
Veronica, Betty, and a cup. Nuff said.
37. Krys - May 30, 2009 4:05 AM
Well, this is good for society. picking the rich girl...
38. Brunch Miracle - May 30, 2009 4:38 AM
Does anybody else see the huge marijuana plant behind the store clerk?
39. bbb - May 30, 2009 6:01 AM
As an unmarried 32 year old male, I will never again buy another Archie Comic when in a particularly long supermarket checkout line if he marries that rich selfish bitch. Jughead Double Digests are totally still on the table.
40. anon - May 30, 2009 8:06 AM
have him convert to a sect that supports polygamy, so he can have both. everybody happy. :)
41. Jaded Icon - May 30, 2009 8:48 AM
Plot: Archie takes Veronica to the jeweler because he wants to polish and restud his mom's wedding ring as a present for Mother's Day. He takes Veronica because she knows more about jewelry than anyone else. He drops the ring and as Veronica helps him off the floor she spies Betty walking by with Jughead. She makes it look like Archie is asking to marry her. The comic goes on with several other misunderstandings but in the end nobody marries anyone and the comic stays the same for 40 more years until the nuclear holocaust ends all life on the planet. Then the radioactive zombies pickup the publication of Archie and create a new religion. The End.
42. new school old school .com - May 30, 2009 10:52 AM
sometimes my favorite part of articles like these are the tags
43. Rhialto - May 30, 2009 2:15 PM
I think after 68 years it's about time that he gets married! Where's my sweetie?
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46. eat bean - June 1, 2009 7:05 AM
No! one vagina man! one! Think aboot it Archmeister!
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http://www.marie-gets-deflowered.com/?id=62d5ad34
48. Riya - July 22, 2009 9:14 AM
I think he should have married betty
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