Jun 6 2009 Screw Productivity: Happy Birthday, Tetris!

Today marks the 25th birthday of Tetris. In its quarter century of service it has been responsible for thirty googlejillion man hours of gameplay and countless drops in productivity. I know I got fired for playing at work once. You hear that, the man? YOU CAN'T HOLD ME DOWN! Happy Birthday, Tetris, this long piece is for you. And by long piece I mean 40. A GLUGLULGLULAGLUG!

At 25, `Tetris' drops into place as gaming icon [yahoonews]

Thanks to Pat, Watch-303, catch22 and /Eyeroll, who don't even bother working at work anymore.

Jun 6 2009 (May) Deter Suitors: Fake Engagement Ring Kit

Ms. Taken is a fake engagement ring that comes in a discreet keychain holder so you can secretly slide it on before some dingdong at the bar tries to talk to you about how much money he makes being a giant effing loser. It costs $50 and I just bought them out. No more fooling me, ladies! Yeah, one time a chick tried to tell me she was engaged with a Ring-Pop on. I asked her who was she engaged to, Candyman? Then she said she'd summon him if I didn't leave so I ran home crying and broke all my mirrors. You know, because I'd hate to have to WHIP HIS WILLY WONKA ASS.

Hit the jump for two shots of the ring and a relatively must-see video ad they made which is a parody of The Lonely Island's Jizz In My Pants. Seriously, how'd that get there?

Continue Reading " (May) Deter Suitors: Fake Engagement Ring Kit "

Jun 6 2009 Yay, Color Choices!: Black Wii To Hit Market

Nintendo plans on releasing a black Wii in Japan sometime this summer and, if successful, it will likely be available in other parts of the world soon afterward. Now I know what you're thinking, and no, it's not gonna be any bigger than a white Wii. Remember: it's not the size of your console it's how you swing the Wiimote. Know what I'm saying? I'm saying I broke a lamp. Ladies?

Nintendo Wii is Coming in Black [walyou]

Jun 6 2009 Ninja Boy Could Use A Few More Lessons

This is ninja boy (think Star Wars boy yet somehow remarkably sadder) filming himself out in the wilderness (read: the local park) pulling off some Rad to the power of Unhealthy ninja moves. It's seven minutes long and BY NO MEANS should you piss away an entire seven minutes of your life watching it all (I did). But he does spice up his maneuvers, so you will want to skip around. And, for as much fun as I want to make of the poor bastard, he could probably kick my ass if I didn't have laser blasters for eyes. But I do. Suck it, ninjard!

Ninja Nerd [liveleak]

Thanks to MoD, who could out-ninja like thirty ninja cats.

Jun 5 2009 Gallery: Sexy Star Trek and Star Wars Corsets

It's Friday, and, since I love you all, how about some sexy Star Trek and Star Wars themed corsets made by Etsy seller Evening Arwen? The Star Trek corsets go for $200 a pop and the Star Wars models (which include the rest of the costumes, but not the actual women), are $500 (trooper) and $600 (Vader). So hit the jump to see them and get all beep boop and blah blah blah is anybody still reading this? No? Okay good. I SAID HIT THE JUMP ALREADY.

Hit the jump. Do it now!

Continue Reading " Gallery: Sexy Star Trek and Star Wars Corsets "

Jun 5 2009 Yay For Holes!: National Doughnut Day

Today is national doughnut day, so get out there and munch on some hole. Almost all doughnut retailers are offering free nuts or other specials to commemorate the occasion.

National Doughnut Day started in 1938 as a fund raiser for the Chicago Salvation Army. Their goal was to help the needy during the Great Depression, and to honor the Salvation Army "Lassies" of World War I, who served doughnuts to soldiers behind the front lines in France.

I went to Dunkin' Donuts earlier this afternoon and they were offering a free donut with the purchase of a drink. So I bough a coffee and started pouring the Irish whiskey. BOOM, an thirty minutes later I'm getting thrown out for making love to this sexy maple-glazed number. What? I'M A VERY SENSUAL PERSON.

Wikipedia

Thanks to T.J. and Jelly Time, who prefer bagels because they don't like sweets.

Jun 5 2009 XM-25 Shoots Laser Guided Exploding Bullets

I haven't decided if the new XM-25 will be a useful weapon against the robotic uprising yet, but I'm leaning towards *pew pew*. Hook me up government, I pay my damn taxes. Well, I did last year anyways.

The system is clever enough to detonate its exploding 25mm bullets within 3 feet of their targets, picking off unfortunate foes with uncanny accuracy, even when they're hiding behind obstacles.

After calculating the target's distance with a laser rangefinder, this lethal weapon sends a radio signal to a chip inside the bullet. That brilliant projectile can precisely measure the distance it's traveled, exploding at precisely the right distance for maximum killage.

Oh shit yeah I need one of these. Maximum killage, that's what I'm talking about. You here that, Skynet -- MAXIMUM KILLAGE. I will ride into battle atop my trusty tyrannosaur steed and pew pew your shit all up. Then, my mount will dine on all the dead Terminators while I reach around him for a job well done.

XM-25 rifle shoots tiny laser-targeted smart bombs [dvice]

Jun 5 2009 Finally, I Can Sleep At Night: Researchers Develop Algorithms To Mimic Water Sounds

The watery sounds you hear in this video were all made using algorithms developed by researchers at Cornell, because, honestly, curing diseases can wait.

Doug James and Changxi Zheng, researchers at Cornell University, have developed a way to simulate the sounds of flowing or dripping water, which in real life are produced by tiny air bubbles that compress and expand due to surface tension, creating sound waves in the water.

So by using the geometry of a 3D scene, the Harmonic Fluids algorithm they developed can calculate where the air bubbles would have been created in real life and how they would have moved, which allows realistic accompanying sounds to be generated.

Now don't get me wrong, that's neat as hell, I just wish they would have made their research a little more useful in the real world. Like, I dunno, developing an algorithm to mimic the mating calls of prehistoric dinosaurs. Am I right? If we're not gonna cure cancer I should at least get laid.

Cornell Researchers Develop Algorithms To Simulate The Sounds Of Fluids [ohgizmo]

Jun 5 2009 I Want: These Custom Metal Gear Solid Shoes

These custom painted Metal Gear Solid shoes were made by UCLA student and artist Jacob Patterson (no relation to Robert Pattinson) and shown off at the E3 convention. I want like four for each foot. You know, because I have big feet. ;) Ladies, that wink was for you.

He is apparently going to talk with Kojima and team to discuss the possibility of mass-producing these shoes via the Puma brand. So if things go well expect to be able to buy these at a store near you sometime in the future!

Well I usually only wear flip flips and aqua socks, but I'd make an exception for these bad boys. And speaking of bad boys -- I've been one lately. Now which one of you lovely ladies wants to ride on my motorcycle. And by motorcycle I mean lawn mower. And by 'ride on' I mean cut the backyard. Any takers? Come on -- I'll make lemonade!

Hit the jump for two closeups.

Continue Reading " I Want: These Custom Metal Gear Solid Shoes "

Jun 5 2009 Search The Interwebs With Microsoft Bing

In an attempt to be one of the last tech websites running this announcement (I like turtles), Microsoft has upgraded their search engine (formerly Windows Live Search and MSN Search), and renamed it Bing. As in Bada-Bing, bing cherry, Bing Crosby, Chandler Bing and bing bing, money ain't a thing. Really?

Bing is specifically designed to build on the benefits of today's search engines but begins to move beyond this experience with a new approach to user experience and intuitive tools to help customers make better decisions, focusing initially on four key vertical areas: making a purchase decision, planning a trip, researching a health condition or finding a local business.

Sooooo, Google is still recommended for searching porno?

Microsoft Bing

Thanks to Teh Awex, Anonymouse and Will, who search the web the old fashioned way, with a Sherlock pipe and magnifying glass.

Jun 5 2009 Who Is That?!: New Zelda Game Concept Art

Although Nintendo didn't actually announce a new Zelda at E3 (but did announce a new Metroid, Super Mario Galaxy and WiiFit), here's some concept art shown by Shigeru Miyamoto to a group of game developers at a following conference.

I don't know about you, but that's no Princess Zelda. Could it be, as so many are speculating, the living incarnation of the Master Sword?

ZOMG -- the master sword chick doesn't have any arms! And I, for one, am not ashamed to admit that I would be totally cool hitting that. Armless swords are people too, you know.

First Look At New Zelda Game's Concept Art [kotaku]

Thanks to Julian, who once had sex with a Zora and almost drowned.

Jun 5 2009 Need A Terrible Jabba The Hutt Costume?

If so, you're in luck because the $70 Jabba the Hutt Supreme Edition costume is just that. Jesus, I'd hate to see what the non-supreme edition looks like.

Become one of the richest gangsters of a Galaxy Far, Far Away with the Jabba the Hutt Supreme Edition Costume! This full-body costume will transform you into the famous Hutt with a body piece (complete with tail), headpiece, and a battery-operated fan to keep you cool.

Ha, I've got news for you: no amount of fans is gonna keep you cool if you buy this costume. Unless you somehow finagle some Princess Leia cosplay action out of the deal, in which case, I'm in. Now, GW the Hutt needs some bikini-clad slaves. Ladies?

Product Site
via
Jabba the fursuit [boingboing]

Thanks to Mark, who once bounty hunted the last dinosaur and broke my heart in the process.

Jun 5 2009 NEW MONKEY ISLAND GAME COMING OUT

Let's kick this Friday off right, huh? THERE IS A NEW GAME IN THE MONKEY ISLAND SERIES COMING JULY 7th! Not only that, Lucasarts is releasing a remake of the original Secrets of Monkey Island, also set to drop this summer (for XBox Arcade, PC and Mac). Quick, grog me so we can cheers!

Tales of Monkey Island (PC and WiiWare) will be released in five monthly serials by Telltale Games beginning July 7th in the same fashion as the recenter Sam & Max and Strongbad games. You can preorder now for $35. I just preordered with two different credit cards in case I screwed something up the first time. And I may do it a third just to be safe. Now, granted the style of graphics really isn't my favorite, but that's okay. MONKEY ISLAND, YO! One of the Jonas Brothers could play Guybrush and I'd still buy it. Kidding, I'd cannonball myself in the face.

Hit the jump for two VIDEOS, one about each of the games coming out.

Continue Reading " NEW MONKEY ISLAND GAME COMING OUT "

Jun 4 2009 I Want: Turbo Heather XTreme Racedoll

Why didn't we have cool toys like this when I was growing up? I only had one toy. And now I have wolf palm and bottle-cap glasses.

Look out! Here come the Extreme Radio-Controlled Southern Belles! [dvice]

Thanks to whoever sent me this last week, hit me up again and I'll give you a proper what-for.

Jun 4 2009 Wackjobs Protest EA At E3 Convention

A bunch of protesters were out holding signs against Electronic Arts during the E3 convention because, hey, fundamentalists get bored too, you know. And apparently they don't play video games.

It seems that gaming giant EA, (that's Electronic Anti-Christ for those of you church folk) has angered the religious denizens of LA with its sinfully spectacular title, Dante's Inferno. The 'Go to Hell' tagline seems to the main focus of debate, with angry protesters warning ignorant gamers to steer clear of the title, regarding it as 'tainted' and 'evil.'

"We are on a crusade to stop the blasphemous glorification of HELL and its minions as presented by Dante's Inferno. The ever decaying youth and slovenly adults who engage with Dante's Inferno are a victim of our society's pointless need to flirt with Satan and his lustful campaign to corrupt human souls...We say NO. We say inferNO."

First of all, "blasphemous glorification of hell", really? This isn't Sims: Hell, it's Dante's Inferno. You battle wicked beasts and shit. I can pretty much guarantee nobody is gonna walk away from this game thinking, "you know, hell looks like an alright place". YOU HAVE TO WALK AROUND WITH LIT CHARCOALS IN YOUR ASS. That is not blasphemous glorification. That is burny-ous constipation. Secondly, I don't flirt with Satan no matter how drunk I get. Or how much fiery vaginas he promises.

UPDATE: FAKE! EA viral marketing. Still not buying the game!

Hit the jump for a pretty bitchin' "Trade in your Playstation for a Praystation" sign.

Continue Reading " Wackjobs Protest EA At E3 Convention "

Jun 4 2009 I Like: Conan's New Mario Inspired Backdrop

These are two comparison shots of Conan O'Brien's new Tonight Show stained glass backdrop and the alleged inspiration for said drop. As you can see, it's based on shapes and scenes from the Mushroom Kingdom. So, yeah. I don't watch the Tonight Show though because I go to bed early. Did I say go to bed? I meant pass out drunk. Also, I don't have television. Or internet. So then where do these posts come from? I AM A ROBOT! *BEEP BOP BOOP* TERMINATE, TERMINATE. Kidding! I hate those bastards. And that wasn't a very funny joke to play on you, I'm sorry. If it makes you feel any better I shit myself writing it.

Conan's New Backdrop Sure Looks Familiar... [gizmodo]

Thanks to Fally, PlayUsOut and Matt, who don't sleep but not because they're vampires. Or are they? Your guess is as good as mine.

Jun 4 2009 Honesty Fail: How Not To Sell A Used iPhone

This is exactly how you don't sell a used iPhone on craigslist. If the phone fell in a puddle of urine but didn't damage the phone YOU DON'T MENTION IT IN THE AD. Trust me, I learned the hard way.

Looking to sell a 1 year old Tokyoflash wristwatch. The watch is in perfect working condition. The only problem is I lost it in my girlfriend for 12 days, but I put soap on it and wrapped it in a napkin. No damage to the watch or screen.

I still have it. Any takers? You smell it you bought it.

Craigslist ad

Thanks to pat, who once sold snow to an Eskimo by threatening the poor bastard with a flamethrower.

Jun 4 2009 UPDATE: David Carradine Found Dead

In case Geekologie is the only site on the interweb you visit (good for you), David Carradine, best known for his role as Shaolin priest Kwai Chang Caine in Kung Fu and Bill in the Kill Bill series, was found dead by alleged hanging in his hotel room in Bangkok. He was 72.

Carradine was in Bangkok to shoot a movie and had been staying at the hotel since Tuesday.

In all, he appeared in more than 100 feature films with such directors as Martin Scorsese, Ingmar Bergman and Hal Ashby. One of his prominent early film roles was as singer Woody Guthrie in Ashby's 1976 biopic "Bound for Glory."

Hi-ya, David, hi-ya. R.I.P.

UPDATE: Hanging was allegedly accidentally and the result of some eroticness gone wrong. Hey, it's how I want to go.

Actor David Carradine found dead in Bangkok [yahoonews]

Thanks to Gem, Rosswell, Steven, Freddy and Matthew, who have all taken the day off to partake in a Kung Fu marathon.

Jun 4 2009 Boom Drink: How To Make Exploding Cocktails

You just freeze a mint flavored Mento in an ice cube and then make a drink for a friend (read: enemy). Any artificially sweetened soda should work, but preferably something darker so the frozen Mento isn't so obvious. Then, a few minutes later when the Mento is exposed to the soda, BOOOSH! Alternatively, garnish your friend's glass with a live hand grenade.

Mix an Exploding Drink [wired]

Thanks to Towhee Monster, who once bit a Snap-N-Pop to make it explode because she's hardcore.

Jun 4 2009 Playstation Announces Own Motion Controller

Not to be outdone by XBox's announcement of Project Natal, Playstation brought their own motion controller news to E3. But, unlike Project Natal, which motion captures your entire body, the Playstation version relies on a magic dildo. This is a rather long demonstration of the device presented by two Sony engineers (one nervous, one stoned), so feel free to skip around. But not breakfast, that shit's important.

Youtube

Thanks to Mister J, who once kicked Mister T's ass in a gold-off.

Jun 4 2009 Rolls Royce: Now With Automatic Purse Rack

The new Rolls Royce 200EX has an automatic purse holder. And no, it's not the floor (although those work great too and come standard in most cars). There's a video after the jump that you have to see to believe, but basically a little gripper arm automatically tightens against the purse to ensure your diamonds and gold bars don't fall out during travel. It's stupid. Because when I'm rich enough for a Rolls Royce I'll be damned if I'm carrying my own purse. No, it will be traveling in it's own Rolls Royce. Inside a diamond airplane. Made of platinum. Don't question my logic, peasant.

Hit the jump for a short video of the 'just another thing to break' in action.

Continue Reading " Rolls Royce: Now With Automatic Purse Rack "

Jun 3 2009 Miss Atom 2009: Nuclear Power In My Pants

So apparently Russia has been holding the Miss Atom contest since 2004 and I have yet to be a guest judge. That's some sauce, Russia. Vodka sauce. Anyways, here is Miss Atom 2009, Yekaterina Bulgakova, who was picked out of the 350 contestants that all work in the Russian nuclear power sector. Nice. Now I know what you're thinking, and yes, I was hoping for three boobs too.

Official Site
via
Russia selects Nuclear Beauties 2009 [mosnews]

Thanks to Void, who slept with like thirty of the contests and now glows in the dark.

Jun 3 2009 This Is Important: Cat Crawling Into A Couch

This is by far the most important thing you'll watch all day (suck it, the news!). It's a kitten crawling into a couch. I love how its little legs are poking out before it can pull itself in. Did it remind anyone else of a calf being born, but in reverse? No? Fine, me neither then. Dicks.

Youtube

Thanks to Sophia, who knows important shit when she sees it.

Jun 3 2009 "The Ducks Are Not Mine": David Thorne (The Seven Legged Spider Drawer) Is Back At It

It's hard to top the seven legged spider debacle, but David Thorne took another stab at it when he was notified by his landlord that he is not allowed to have pets in his apartment. David has definitely got some funny stuff in there, but the best part is the last email sent by the landlord. Hit the jump to see the whole series of correspondence. It's long, but worth it. Like me.

Hit it.

Continue Reading " "The Ducks Are Not Mine": David Thorne (The Seven Legged Spider Drawer) Is Back At It "

Jun 3 2009 Just Doing My Job: 2009 Pole Dancing Contest

NOTE: Probably NSFW just because most employers frown on videos of dancers working the pole, but there is no nudity or even thongs, so yeah, use your own discretion (read: push play).

No need to thank me folks, just doing my job. Also, I saw things happen in this video that I didn't think were humanly possible (mostly towards the end). Beautiful things. Think a family of unicorns cresting a double rainbow on the first day of spring, but then replace that with a stripper throwing her hooha around a pole and you've got it.

Youtube

Thanks to Party Kid Transformer and Julia, who can perform all these stunts without the pole because they're both powerful sorcerers.

Jun 3 2009 Damnit Obama, Accept My Friend Request

We've already featured some fake celebrity Facebook pages on Geekologie, so why not the president's? Yes, why not the president's? That's something I ask my self everyday just once a few minutes ago. Also, if you haven't already joined the Geekologie page on Facebook, you are no innovator. You are a laggard. And, if you know anything about the Everett Rogers Diffusion of Innovation theory, that's the worst kind. Now I know what you're thinking, "Holy shit, the Geekologie Writer must have like thirty genius brains", but you're wrong, I have an infinity. Times infinity. Kidding, totally think with my junk.

Hit the jump to see the whole profile, which may or not feature Kim Jong-il riding a missile (it does).

Continue Reading " Damnit Obama, Accept My Friend Request "

Jun 3 2009 Retro Styling: Cassette Tape Wallets

These cassette tape wallets from designbloom are wallets made out of old cassette tapes. Pretty clever, but they cost $43. So if you've ever wanted to try making something yourself, now's your chance. Just make me one. With a Def Leppard tape. Bitchin'? BITCHIN'!

cassette wallet [designboom]

Thanks to phil, who keeps his money in his socks BECAUSE HE'S OLDSCHOOL.

Jun 3 2009 For Questionable Sale: Ghosts In Bottles

Want a pet ghost but too big a wuss to kill somebody in your own house? Well you're in luck, because now you can buy bottled ghosts for a scant $20. Just don't drink them!

Each Ghost is captured from a reported haunted establishment, (house, hotel, ship, cemetery, etc), by our Ghost Hunters.

We seal the ghost in it's own bottle. The bottle is sealed for your protection.

You may release the Ghost at your own discretion and at your own risk.

The Ghost in the Bottle is contained mysteriously and is therefore sealed with wax shortly after the Ghost is caught. The bottle is sealed for your protection. It comes with very important information . We supply the Ghost, you supply the name. Individual Ghost experiences may vary as "Each Ghost is Unique"!

Pfft, bottled ghosts. Like a ghost couldn't get out of a damn waxed bottle if it wanted to. THEY'RE NOT GENIES YOU IDIOTS. I swear, some people don't know supernatural shit.

Product Site

Thanks to Roger, who actually has a genie in a bottle and her name is Christina.

Jun 2 2009 Best Website EVER (Geekologie Excluded)

Explosionsandboobs.com is just that. Explosions. And. Boobs. That's it. Every time you visit you get one shot of an explosion and one of sweater melons. Nothing to read (minus "and"), just awesomesauce in its rawest form. BOOM! Boobs. Just like that.

Explosionsandboobs

Thanks to jonat8han, who has a crazy ass numeral in the middle of his name. And to D-Bizz, who doesn't.

Jun 2 2009 XBox's Project Natal: You ARE The Controller

XBox announced Project Natal at E3 yesterday and, hooray. Basically it's a video camera capable of full-body tracking so that you can punch and kick and break your television to your heart's content. This is a video of the possibilities. Also, there's another video after the jump that introduces Milo, which appears to be some kind of pedo-program that makes it easier to troll the interweb for 12-year old boys. Because, let's face it, AOL chatrooms are beat, yo.

Hit the jump for the other video that made no sense and not just because I stopped paying attention and went to heat my burrito (ladies?) after thirty seconds.

Continue Reading " XBox's Project Natal: You ARE The Controller "

Jun 2 2009 Winner Of Baby Race Crawls For Laptop

First of all, I bet on baby races all the time ($40 on the bald one with a dirty diaper). And secondly, Kajus Aukščionis recently won a Lithuanian baby race and is a super fast crawler. Not as fast as me, but I have a special skill set. But what gets young Kajus crawling so fast? Laptops. The little haxor loves those things and bolts to them whenever he sees one. It's true, I heard one time he shat through his diaper in Best Buy he was so excited.

Lithuanian Baby Racing Champion Mired In Performance-Enhancing Laptop Scandal [gizmodo]

Thanks to ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff, who may or may not have fallen asleep at the keyboard.

Jun 2 2009 For The Ladies: Reader's Sweet Zelda Tattoo

In a power move to impress Zelda tattoo girl (she's mine!), Geekologie Reader Erik got a badass Zelda tattoo of his own. Which, I think we can all agree, contrasts the flaming skull beautifully.

Thanks to Ronni and Erik, who know swinging a master sword and yelling is the way to any woman's heart.

Jun 2 2009 Literal Video: Total Eclipse Of The Heart

This is a literal video for Bonnie Tyler's 'Total Eclipse of the Heart' which proves beyond a shadow of a doubt the 80's were wack as a mother. Of course, current music videos could be just as weird, but I don't watch MTV because I'm not in middle school anymore. Kidding, cable got cut off.

Total Eclipse spoof [dailymotion]

Thanks to shane, who literally video'd himself banging his girlfriend.

Jun 2 2009 PEW PEW!: World's Strongest Laser Unveiled

The world's strongest laser was unveiled in California last week. It's not actually a single laser though, it's 192 individual ones all focused on the same spot. Cheating! It's going to be used to ensure the US nuclear weapon stockpile is still functional in case Russia starts bitching out. Also, some space shit.

The super laser, officially known as the National Ignition Facility, was unveiled Friday before thousands of people at the Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory.

Beginning next year scientists will use the laser for experiments aimed at creating controlled fusion reactions similar to those found in the sun.

"More energy will be produced by this ignition process than the amount of laser energy required to start it. This is the long-sought goal of energy gain that has been the goal of fusion researchers for more than half a century," said NIF director Edward Moses.

'National Ignition Facility'? That's the worst name ever. Why wasn't there a contest to get to name the thing? Because it'll always be the PEWINATOR to me. Which, haha, is the same thing I named my junk penis. But seriously, don't stare directly at it.

World's strongest laser unveiled at Calif. lab [sfgate]

Thanks to Watch-303, catch22, Luis, Doug, Hunter and Phil, who did stare directly at it and paid the price. $10.

Jun 2 2009 Mmmm: Poisonous Snake-Bitten Chicken

Apparently poisonous snake-bitten chicken is a popular dish in a parts of China, but it's coming under the heat for being cruel and unusual deliciousness.

Chinese health authorities are putting a stop to restaurants serving chickens which have been bitten to death by poisonous snakes and cooked up for a supposedly detoxing meal.

The dish, served by a small number of eateries in the southern province of Guangdong and the southwestern city of Chongqing, has generated a storm of publicity and controversy in the Chinese media and amongst bloggers.

Wow, that's pretty effed up. Like eating dried tiger penis just so you can pop a boner -- but with even more snake. HIYO!

China puts a stop to snake-bitten cock-in-a-pot [yahoonews]

Thanks to Ken, who once bit a poisonous snake's head off and sucked the venom out just for the hell of it.

Jun 1 2009 Boom Shacka Lacka!: The New PSP Go

This is the new PSP. It's called the PSP Go. You know, because it's portable. It may or may not come preloaded with porn. Specs? I has them:

* 3.8-inch display (resolution is undisclosed)
* 43 percent lighter than the PSP-3000
* 16GB of Flash storage
* Bluetooth built-in; supports handset tethering and BT headsets
* No UMD drive
* Memory Stick Micro slot
* New Gran Turismo, Little Big Planet and new Metal Gear Solid (!) on the way
* Full PlayStation Network support (movie and TV rentals / purchases)
* Integration with PlayStation 3 (works the same as the PSP-3000 does)
* Sony views each of its products as "10-year lifecycle products," so the PSP "needs to live on."

Well, what do you think? I like the sliding feature, that's not necessary. Also, PSP Go -- really? I hope nobody got paid to come up with that. Because it's stupid. I would have gone with PSP You Can Take It With You.

Sony's PSP Go leaks out before E3, is obviously a go [engadget]

Thanks to obi jwan and Rik, who don't need portable gaming devices because they only play mind games.

Jun 1 2009 Still A Virgin: Sale Of Purity Falls Through

Remember that 22-year old chick that was auctioning off her virginity? Well the winning $3.8 million was placed by an Australian real estate mogul. Unfortunately, he's bailing out of the deal. Why? His wife won't let him do it!

Natalie Dylan (not her real name) admitted the deal had fallen through.

Last week, she got a phone call from the rogue Romeo, a 38-year-old Australian real-estate businessman, who said he had to back out.

"I told him to go back into marriage therapy," sniped Dylan.

The Aussie cad then sheepishly asked for his $250,000 deposit back. Dylan said no hard feelings; it would be returned.

That's just like a wife to go and not let her husband bang some 22-year old virgin. I swear, women.

'DEFLOWER DEAL' GUY PULLS OUT [nypost]

Thanks to 42 y/o undead warlock, who doesn't have to pay for sex because he creates busty nymphs with his undead warlock powers. Oh oh, make me one!

Jun 1 2009 New Yorker Cover Painted On iPhone

This is a video of Jorge Columbo (not to be confused with Peter Falk) painting the cover of the latest New Yorker, which was created using a $4 iPhone app called Brushes. As you can see, it's okay. Don't get me wrong, I love all hotdog vendors, but I would have gone with Ignatius dressed as a pirate. Paradise Vending FTW? Dunces FTW!

Cover Story: Finger Painting [newyorker]

Thanks to e, who knows the only iPhone app you need is Scramble.

Jun 1 2009 OM NOM NOM: Pac-Man Candy

Want to pound some turdy looking power pellets? Then buy this $12 set of Pac-man candy and rot your teeth out! Then go to the dentist to get them fixed. But don't forget to bring a hidden camera in case he tries to grope you while you're out.

Our fave classic video game now in edible form! This set of three sweet tins will have ya enjoying Pac-Man's power pellets, blue raspberry ghost sours and cherry ghost sours. Each keepsake tin is approximately 2.5"

Cool. Weed would look cool in those. I would fill one with weed and another one with booze and then swallow them and try to get on airplane. But then when security tries to stop me I'll blast off with my jetpack and probably get a JWI because my booze ghost leaked.

Pac-Man Candy For a Retro Geeky Sugar Fix [uberreview]

Jun 1 2009 Prison: Don't Drop The Soap Knuckles

This is soap shaped like brass knuckles. It's equally suited for punching yourself in the taint or fighting off would-be lovers in the prison shower. Which, miss you Big Bear.

Brass Knuckle Soap Allows You To Punch Up a Good Lather [gizmodo]

Thanks to pstone, who made me his bitch.

Jun 1 2009 Talking Grill Thermometer Talks, Temperatures

The $70 Grill Alert Talking Remote Thermometer is a talking remote thermometer for your grill. You just jam the temperature probe in your choice of meat, push some buttons, and then sit in a hammock and guzzle beer while deliciousness deliciousizes itself. When the meat reaches your predetermined temperature of choice, the thing tells you it's time to slap that bitch on a plate and OM NOM the shit out of it. Pork chop sandwiches! Also, meat probe -- I have one. Ladies?

Talking Wireless Grill Thermometer Helps Cook Steak [ohgizmo]

May 31 2009 Awwwh, I Want A Million!: Pygmy Jerboas

Pygmy jerboas are probably the cutest things I've ever seen. And this is coming from a guy who saw a bunny nurse an orphaned squirrel and three ducklings, so yeah.

Youtube

Thanks to taby and Andrew, who had like 1,000 pygmy jerboas and still had room for dessert.

May 31 2009 Custom Optimus Prime Ring Has Ruby Eyes

This is a fully custom Optimus Prime ring created by deviantartist =Dans-Magic for a client. BLING BLING YOU DECEPTICON MOTHAJAMMERS!

A 14k custom piece. 50 hours from start to finish.

didnt want to put in the rubies but he wanted them. Originally I had carved the triangle eye sockets but it got wiped out with the setting of the stones.

I molded it to make some without stones (stones optional)

Awesome, I want one for every finger. So seven. Damn you, shop class!

Hit the jump for a another shot of the ring and what it looks like made as a pendant.

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May 31 2009 Sweet!: Plant Some Trees, Grow A Chair

The Growing Chair is a clear plastic frame in which you grow trees to form a seat shape so that, in your old age, you can sit around drinking moonshine and reminiscing on the days when you had to use power tools to make a chair (or were Amish). Personally, I love the idea BECAUSE I AM ONE WITH GAIA. And by one with Gaia I mean a nudist. Except I wear jean shorts.

Hit the jump for another picture.

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