May 16 2009 What The World's Smallest Car Looks Like
This is what the world's smallest (but not the lowest) street-legal car looks like. Because this is the world's smallest street-legal car. I don't know if you understand logic, but my argument is infallible. The car, which measures a scant 39" high x 26" wide, is allegedly twice as small as the last record holder.
Car modder Perry Watkins took the frame of the "Postman Pat" children's ride and mounted it on a quad mini-bike, using its 150cc engine. The car features a windshield wiper, lights and signals, mirrors, and even a Pimp My Ride-worthy paint job and fake racing exhaust pipes. The car, christened "The Wind-Up," can hit 40 miles per hour in what we're sure is an incredibly uncomfortable and scary ride.
Good looking, Perry. And you know what they say about guys who drive really small cars don't you? Serious neck and back problems. Kidding, kidding -- monster junk.
Hit the jump for a short video about the build and some driving footage.
Continue Reading " What The World's Smallest Car Looks Like "
May 16 2009 Outerspace Eye Candy: Space Shuttle And Hubble Telescope Silhouetted Against Sun
This is a photo of the space shuttle Atlantis and Hubble Space Telescope silhouetted against the sun. It really made me think about stuff. You know, like outerspace and all that. I'm really deep.
The exceptionally gifted astrophotographer Thierry Legault captured this stunning tableau just minutes before the crew of Atlantis caught up with and captured Hubble for its very last servicing mission on May 13, 2009. This shot has never been accomplished before, and it's magnificent. He used a 13 cm telescope, and camera that took a series of 16 images of 1/8000th of second each.
Awesome image, Thierry. Reminds me of the time I bet the sun I could beat it in a staring contest and kicked its shiny ass. And that, my friends, is why I'm so bright.
Hit the jump for a couple more shots, one of which may or may not look like Pac-Man from behind.
May 16 2009 Looks Safe: Setting Jet Pack Speed Records
This is a video of Jetpack International trying to raise the airspeed record for jetpacking. Because, well, you've gotta start somewhere.
This is not especially difficult to do, considering that jetpack airspeed records don't really exist yet, but when you only have 30 or 40 seconds of fuel, you have to make sure and remember to leave yourself enough time to slow down.
The actual jetpacking starts at around 1:30, but whoever edited the video did a pretty shitty job and loves slow motion too much. Still, dude gets up to 61MPH. Which is impressive considering he's towing like 30lb balls.
Jet Pack Speed Record [ohgizmo]
May 15 2009 Eye Candy: Classic Video Game Remakes
This is a little gallery of re-imagined video games by deviantARTist Orioto (aka Mikaël Aguirre). This is Kid Icarus and Donkey Kong Country here. Unfortunately, these don't do the full sized pictures justice, so you'll need to head over to Mikaël's deviantART page to see them in their full glory. Otherwise, you're cheating yourself. Like performing a stranger, but worse.
Hit the jump for a preview of a couple of my favorites.
May 15 2009 A Day In The Life Viewed Entirely In Logos
You may have already seen this before, and if you have, congratulations, you're a real internetellect. But for those of you who haven't, this is a day in the life of some woman named Jane viewed entirely in logos. Pretty clever. I thought about making one for myself, but then realized it would just be HP, Geekologie, Maker's Mark, Jurassic Park and Kleenex. I'm a simple guy, really.
Fun with brands - Jane's Brand-timeline Portrait [dearjanesample]
Thanks to Caroline, who only uses off-brands because she's thrifty. OR MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE SHE KNOWS SOMETHING WE DON'T! Caroline, is there something you'd like to share with the rest of the class?
May 15 2009 What A Princess: Bride's LED Wedding Dress
Some bride, in a bid to be the classiest bride of all classy times, had a dress made with 300 LEDs sewn into the bottom poofy part. And let me tell you, the applause when she turns it on during her first dance is deafening. And how about that song from Armageddon? I'm not sure if you've seen the movie BUT THEY ALL DIE IN THE END. I'm just sayin', you can't put a price on looking like a Christmas tree at your own wedding.
May 15 2009 Be Proud: Geek Pride Day Is May 25th
That's right folks, Geek Pride Day 2009 is rapidly approaching. We must make plans. I'm thinking beer and ticker tape. With maybe some comics and video games thrown in for good measure.
Nerd Pride Day, or Geek Pride Day, is an initiative which claims the right of every person to be a nerd or a geek. Of Spanish origin ("día del orgullo friki" in Spain), it is celebrated nowadays among Spanish frikis (an equivalent of geeks and nerds).This day is celebrated on May 25 since 2006, celebrating the premiere of the first Star Wars movie in 1977.
So, what do you all want to do? Parade? If so, I want to be on a float -- I've never gotten to do that before. Anybody good with paper papier-mâché? I'm thinking me riding a dinosaur crushing a robot. Also, if the dinosaur could have realistic orifices that would be, you know, the only reason I suggested this project in the first place.
Thanks to matty, who stands proudly as a geek. Also, a little hunchbacked from sitting in front of the computer all day and night.
May 15 2009 Universe's Largest Black Hole Discovered
Allegedly astronomers have discovered the universe's most massive black hole. How massive? Think my ex-wife's gaping pie-hole times three.
Whatever gave birth to this monster can be real proud. The biggest black hole in the universe weighs in with a respectable mass of 18 billion Suns, and is about the size of an entire galaxy.
The biggest black hole beats out its nearest competitor by six times. Fortunately, it's 3.5 billion light years away, forming the heart of a quasar called OJ287.
So, what does this mean for us? WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! Quick, everybody, foil helmets, foil helmets! *click* Haha, you all looked so stupid.
18 Billion Suns -Biggest Black Hole in Universe Discovered--and it's BIG! A Galaxy Classic [dailygalaxy]
Thanks to interstellar vacuum salesman, who could sell that black hole a stairs attachment even if it doesn't have any.
May 15 2009 Woman Offers Man Baby As Taser Shield
A Missouri woman offered a man her 1-year old child for use as a taser shield when he was being confronted by cops. Now that's solid parenting.
Officers were at an apartment checking on an assault claim made by the woman when a man confronted them, making threats. One of the officers displayed a Taser as the man approached.
Police said the mother offered her child to the man, placing the toddler in the Taser's path. The man, 22, faces two counts of resisting arrest. The woman, 20, was charged with endangering the welfare of a child and interfering with an arrest. She was arrested Tuesday night and placed at the Marion County jail on a 24-hour hold.
Wow, just....wow. Thank God tasers weren't so prevalent when I was a kid or my parents would have probably put an ad in the newspaper. I can see it now:
FOR SALE: One child, male. Large head, cries a lot. Would make a great taser shield.
Mo. mom accused of using child to block Taser [yahoonews]
Thanks to Noah, who knows only teenagers should be used for blocking tasers. Also, lasers. PEW PEW!
May 15 2009 Trick BBall Shots: Now With More Shotgun!
In the same vein as the beer pong video, this is a video of a group of guys that call themselves Dude Perfect making a bunch of ridiculous basketballs shots. Mostly they're just shooting from like two miles away, but they do some drive-by shots using a truck as well. But really, you came here to see the shotgun shot, so skip to 0:55.
Well, what did you think? Hoping he'd blow his foot off? Yeah, same. :(
Thanks to Harry, who once sunk one from downtown. I don't even know what that means, but he did it.
May 15 2009 Oldest Human Sculpture Found In Germany
What you're looking at is believed to be the oldest sculpture of a human found to date, and was carved out of a mammoth's tusk. That's right, mammoth -- the very same mount Jesus used to ride into battle. Wow!
The distorted object, which portrays a woman with huge breasts, big buttocks and exaggerated genitals, is thought to be at least 35,000 years old.
The 6cm-tall figurine, reported in the journal Nature, is the latest find to come from Hohle Fels Cave in Germany."I think there are good reasons to emphasise sexual interpretations, but we really don't know whether it is coming from a more male or a more female perspective. We don't know very much about how the artefact was used."
Oh man, those cave people were a classy bunch, were they not? They so were. And such the artisans. But seriously, is that really the way women used to look back then? Because, if so, BBW AND mammoths? *firing up time machine* Somebody smells a threesome!
Hit the jump for another picture with more angles.
Continue Reading " Oldest Human Sculpture Found In Germany "
May 14 2009 The Study Ball: I Said Do Your Homework!
The Study Ball is allegedly a real $115 product that prevents you from moving from your desk while you're supposed to be studying. Obviously, it's a complete sham unless it weighs at least 200lbs, because I can lift twice that with my littlest piggy.
The Study Ball gadget is a prison-style ball and chain that you can program to keep track of how much time you spend studying. Once you've selected the desired duration, you chain the ball to your ankle and the manacle won't come off until the schedule study time is up.A red LED indicator displays the "Study Time Left" and keeps you informed as to how much longer you've got to keep studying. The ball and chain are made of highly durable steel and weighs a total of 9.5 kg / 20.95 pounds, which makes it difficult to move while wearing it.
21lbs, pfffft. That's not gonna stop anybody from doing anything. Including, but not limited to: robbing a liquor store. ALL THE BOURBON OR YOUR ANKLE GETS IT! What? NO THIS AIN'T NO SKIP-IT!
Product Site
via
Study Ball brings seriously old school methods to child rearing [dvice]
Thanks to e., who actually knows the whole Skip-It jingle. Wow, e., I think I love you.
May 14 2009 Russian Whale Tails Taking Web By Storm
Vilena, the woman above, is the originator of a Russian internet phenomenon I'm dubbing "whale tailing". Basically, she took the picture you see there (with her ass all up in the air, hence the "whale tail"), posted it on some social networking site, and, next thing you know, BAM, all the women are doing it. *sniff* Brings a tear to my eye. Now I don't belong to any Russian networking sites, so I say we bring the trend over here. Now THAT'S an internet phenomenon I can get behind! And thrust. HIYO!
Hit the jump for several more slightly NSFW examples, the last of which will make you sad.
Continue Reading " Russian Whale Tails Taking Web By Storm "
May 14 2009 We're As Good As Dead!: Boston Dynamics' Latest Robastard Is An Accomplished Climber
In Boston Dynamics' unending quest to cut humanity's reign on earth short, the company continues to develop new robotic death machines. In this case, a climber named RiSE (who I have briefly touched on before). As is evident from the video, the apocalyptic bastard makes pretty short work of climbing a telephone pole. So I'm pretty confident it could scurry across the floor, shimmy up my leg, and have my change purse in its razor sharp mandibles before I could utter, "but they just dropped".
RiSE Version 3 Prototype [kodlab]
Thanks to beefytee, Art and biggity2bit, who just informed me we're no longer safe in the tree fort. Quick -- to the zip line!
May 14 2009 Awh, How Cute: A Little LEGO Nintendo
This is a little Nintendo Flickr user Arkov made using LEGO pieces. As you can see, it's fairly simple. I didn't actually bother counting the number of blocks it took, but given a quick glance, I'd estimate somewhere in the six to eight range. Few enough for even you to be able to make one. Just kidding, you'd probably end up eating all the pieces. Which.....HEY, PUT THAT HELMET BACK ON! Your mother would kill me if she came home and saw you without your -- WHERE DID YOU GET THOSE SCISSORS?!?
Hit the jump for some sexy closeups.
May 14 2009 *PEW PEW*, NOM NOM: An AT-AT Cake
This is an amazing AT-AT cake created by Jennifer Luxmore (and friends) of Sin Desserts. It took 60 hours to build and would typically sell for around $5,000. Stale.
The legs and base [of the Star Wars AT-AT cake] are wood, covered in gum paste and the cake is the head and body. I was in charge of baking, covering it in fondant and covering the legs with the gum paste.
The cake was a new cake for us... the Guiness Cake. and the background was hand painted by Joe. All of the people involved in the cake are artists of some sort and it took (everyone combined) about 60 hours (background painting, leg and body cut outs, covering, cake/covering, assembly and painting) so we figured the cake to come in some where around $5,000 at the low end.
Hit the jump to see a few more shots, as well as some shots of a ridiculous Millennium Falcon cake that Jennifer also made. Then, cry about how you can't even bake cupcakes without burning them. YOU WILL NEVER MAKE A GOOD WIFE!
Now hit the link and forget you were going to call me a sexist pig in the comments. *waving penis* This isn't the writer you're looking for.
May 14 2009 Best Financial Investment Commercial Ever
NOTE: VIDEO IS NSFW DEPENDING ON HOW YOUR EMPLOYER FEELS ABOUT VIVID ORIGAMI SEX ACTS.
This is a commercial for Bontrust Finance. It is arguably the best commercial for a financial institution I've ever seen. Not only was it incredibly well made, but it features lewd sex acts. OUT OF NOWHERE. Which, let's be honest, are the best kind. Except on the Metro. I'm looking at you, Mr. '"Whip it Out Whenever You Want". But no eye contact -- I remember what happened last time!
Thanks to Harry, who once had relations with one of those little paper fortune teller thingies you used to make in grade school.
May 14 2009 Google Maps Cleavage: I Have A New Hobby!
What Google Maps was made for, or what Google Maps was made for? God, I love geography.
Hit the jump for a zoomier picture.
Continue Reading " Google Maps Cleavage: I Have A New Hobby! "
May 14 2009 How To Quit: The Best Resignation EVER
Now you see folks, THAT is how you quit a job. Remember: the goal whenever leaving an organization is to ensure it crumbles behind you as you walk out the door. So, at that very moment, your employer realizes just how under-appreciated you were. And then is crushed under the rubble.
Hit the jump for three more resignations, which were all part of Cracked's 'I Quit' Photoshop contest.
May 13 2009 UPDATE: Zapatag Calls Out Bad Drivers
Zapatag is a user submitted database of bad/inconsiderate/female/rude/raging drivers' license plate numbers and their alleged infractions. I have no idea of the legality of such a system, but quite frankly, I don't care -- I think this is a great idea. Provided, of course, I never see a GK WRITR tag pop up. If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk! That said, I change my mind about the GK WRITR thing -- make as many sightings as you can around the DC area talking about how handsome I am and how I can make light turns green by unbuttoning my shirt. Also, maybe mention that it looked like my truck was dragging its muffler but it turned out to be my penis. Ladies?
UPDATE: Click HERE to see all my infractions to date.
Thanks to The Jerk, who already has like fifty listings.
May 13 2009 I Want: Sweet $100,000 Hoverpack Action
This is some more video of the $100,000 Martin "Jetpack" that will be available later this year. That's right folks, your very own hoverpack for less than you'd pay for a Lamborghini. Almost sounds too good to be true, doesn't it? No, not really. But still, I want one.
...capable of accurate control, and it's said to fly for 30 minutes at 60 mph, and travel a distance of 8000 feet. Still no word on how high it can go, or if it can exceed the altitude where it's boosted by that helpful ground effect. But this is a great improvement over the demos from last year.
Oh hell yes. You know, this jetpack reminds me of the time I jumped off my neighbor's holding a ceiling fan over my head -- but with less flying to the moon and banging martians. They really do have green nipples!
May 13 2009 Thank You, Readers: Geekologie Fan Art
This is a picture of yours truly created by loyal Geekologie Reader (and deviant artist) cool-slayer. She actually knows what I look like too, so it's pretty accurate. So yeah, for all of you out there who were wondering, I wear an Alabama hat and an 'I Heart Dinos' shirt. And my heart on my sleeve, so be gentle with it. It's been broken before, you know. Heartworms. It's rare but it happens!
Hit the jump for two more pieces of fan art, including a misspelled Geekologie created by playing that ridiculous full-screen Tetris game.
May 13 2009 Chipmunk Meets The Star Wars Universe
This is a little photo gallery of a friendly chipmunk named Billy exploring the Star Wars universe in Flickr user powerpig's backyard. All the photos are real, Billy just happens to be very receptive to curious Ewoks and stormtroopers (and maybe even a little Chewbacca action!). Heartwarming, isn't it? You keep him distracted, I'll fire up the grill.
Hit the jump for a few more and a link to the entire Flickr gallery.
May 13 2009 SICK!: Fly Turns Ants Into Zombie Nurseries
The phorid fly turns fire ants into zombies by laying eggs inside them. When the larvae hatch, they eat their way to the ant's brain, which they also eat, leaving the fiery bastards to wander around like zombies before dying. Sick.
"At some point, the ant gets up and starts wandering," said Rob Plowes, a research associate at UT.
The maggot eventually migrates into the ant's head, but Plowes said he "wouldn't use the word 'control' to describe what is happening. There is no brain left in the ant, and the ant just starts wandering aimlessly. This wandering stage goes on for about two weeks."About a month after the egg is laid, the ant's head falls off and the fly emerges ready to attack any foraging ants away from the mound and lay eggs.
ZOMG -- it's head falls off. That reminds me of the time I was getting it on with a velociraptor when my parents came home early so I tried stuffing him in the closet but accidentally slammed the door closed on his neck and his head fell off. I buried it in the backyard, but I kept the body. What? It's okay if it's a dinosaur!
Hit the jump for a video of the flies in action (first video) as well as another of what jewel wasps do to cockroaches (same concept of zombification, but with a completely different method (read: injecting venom straight into the brain)).
Continue Reading " SICK!: Fly Turns Ants Into Zombie Nurseries "
May 13 2009 I Want One: A Real Notebook Computer
This is a video by Dutch artist Evelien Lohbeck that features a real notebook computer. Like a notebook made out of paper. It's pretty neat, and you should watch it (kind of reminded me of A-Ha's Take on Me video). I'm fairly confident the video was made using computer trickery, but I'm not ruling out the possibility that somebody sold their soul to a powerful sorcerer. Which, let's be honest, for your soul, would be a deal. After all, we are men of low moral fiber. Which, holy shit -- another Monkey Island reference?!? I AM THE TOPS!
Youtube
and
The real Notebook Computer! [ebaumsworld]
Thanks to Jack a Shalack and a Yack Yack Yack, who actually only has a single yack and a stuttering problem.
May 13 2009 Sure, Why Not?: LEGO Rock Band A Reality
Not to be outdone by the announcement of Beatles Rock Band, the game is now coming out in LEGO form. Hooray? It hasn't received a release date yet, but is guaranteed to take future family nights to an all new level as you and yours Patridge Family the shit out of that mother!
* Songs you know and love: Rock out to everything from current radio hits to past favorites the whole family will enjoy.* LEGO-themed rock challenges: Play killer riffs to destroy a giant robot, summon a storm, and demolish a skyscraper using the power of rock!
* Enhanced customizer: Don't stop with your avatar, customize your whole entourage! Design the band, roadies, and manager just the way you want.
Awesome, that sounds not awesome! As much as I do love LEGO and rocking out with my proverbial stratowangcaster out, I just don't know. Of course, the game was designed for children and families so I'm not exactly the target demographic. BUT THEN WHY DO I STILL EAT KID CUISINES? I'm an enigma! Return to Innocence, bitches!
LEGO Rock Band [xbox]
Thanks to Salazar and Alex, who have both gotten with LEGO groupies. Nothing wrong with that guys, I just hope you built yourself some modular plastic protection first.
May 13 2009 Spam Emails: Now With More Illustration
This is a picture from artist Elliot Burford's series of work entitled 'Spam', which features illustrations created using the titles of spam email, most of which are for wiener growing pills. I posted a bunch more of my favorites after the jump, but there are 24 in total (so far), so take a gander if you like them. I was particularly fond of this one, for obvious reasons -- I like the smell of gasoline. Kidding, BURN IT WITH FIRE!
Hit the jump for more.
Continue Reading " Spam Emails: Now With More Illustration "
May 12 2009 Good Times, Good Times: Burlesque Cosplay
So apparently a bunch of burlesque dancers did cosplay routines at LA's Bordello Bar over the weekend. This is Princess Peach, but hit the jump for Chun Li, Link, Princess Zelda and Samus Aran (complete with arm blaster!). Yow yow! Blah blah blah blah blah blah are you still reading this? Because nobody else even started.
Hit the link for a whole bunch more.
Video Game Girls Burlesque @ Bordello [laweekly]
via
Burlesque goes nerdy at Los Angeles' Bordello club [destructoid]
Thanks to Margo the Jeweler, who could put all these chicks to shame. IF SHE WANTED. And to Marc, who could too.
May 12 2009 No Surprises Here: How That Viral Samsung HD Camera Phone Commercial Was Created
Remember that viral Samsung ad with the mysterious disappearing phone? Me neither! *rewatches video* Oh right, that looked vaguely familiar. Well, this video explains how they made it just in case you care. And, not to ring our own collective bike bell or anything, but it's exactly how we all thought. Well, except for you -- you're slow. Like a turtle. ONE WHO CAN'T EVEN BEAT A RABBIT IN A FOOTRACE. But still, I like you. I like turtles.
Samsung's puzzling camera trick: here's how they did it [dvice]
May 12 2009 $2,500 XBox Shoes Don't Even Play Games
Looking to blow $2,500 on something that's bound to get all scuffed up and smell funky within a few months? Cool, buy me one of those masturbation machines. Or these shoes.
These are an exclusive pair...only one of its kind. Patent leather back with embedded fiber optic wiring in the shape of the XBOX logo. Battery placement is in the tongue as well as on and off switch that has 2 settings: Strobe or Constant light functions. Gradient lime swoosh faded to black. The toe is painted in a surreal Tiger Camouflage with accents of lime and bright green. These are a men's size 11.
$2,500 for a pair of sneakers? For that kind of money I was at least expecting them to play Halo. Yeah, and have speakers so I can hear all the penisless pre-pubescent boys telling me what a homosexual African American I am.
Hit the jump for several more shots including the fiber optics in action.
Continue Reading " $2,500 XBox Shoes Don't Even Play Games "
May 12 2009 Not For The Faint: Robots Beating The Ever Living Hell Out Of Crash Test Dummies
This is some really disturbing footage from the German Aerospace Center's Institute of Robotics and Mechtronics (soon be known as a pile of rubble. Minions -- attack!) showing robots beating the ever living hell out of crash test dummies. FOR FUN. WHILE SOME SICKOS LAUGH IN THE BACKGROUND. Allegedly the experiments were conducted in an attempt to help make robots safer, but guess what -- THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A SAFE ROBOT. Just sayin', my roommate lost three toes to a Roomba and can now only walk in circles.
Robots crash into dummies, identify human weaknesses [engadget]
Thanks to billcollider, Chase is First, Barry, Nelson and Wout, who have each taken out like 40 robots and even dated a few long term. You guys make me sick.
May 12 2009 So, Yeah: The DJ Hero Turntable Peripheral
So this is the first look at the DJ Hero turntable peripheral. As you can see, they make it look like a turntable, but with buttons (and sadly no knobs). Three of them. Let's see, there's a, um, purple one, a yellow one and a....and a....*sniffle* I never learned my colors! But I did learn my tastes. OM NOM NOM. Ass. This sandwich tastes like ass.
Hit the jump for one more shot.
Continue Reading " So, Yeah: The DJ Hero Turntable Peripheral "
May 12 2009 Sure, Why Not?: 'Noob' Makes It To Dictionary
I don't know how much truth there is to this, but let's be honest, I'd still post it even if my only source was overhearing the crazy guy at the bar telling himself. BECAUSE I OWN JOURNALISM. So allegedly, 'noob' is coming to the dictionary, and will also carry the honor of being the millionth word. Snap, you just got PWNED, lexicon!
The Global Language Monitor accepts words once they have been used 25,000 times by media outlets. According to the reports, this hints at "noob" becoming the millionth word, which would happen on June 10, 2009, at 10:20am. At that moment, the word "noob" will itself become a noob in the English language, and we will all polish our specatacles and smirk at the amusing irony of it all.
So a word becomes official when it's used 25,000 times by media outlets, huh? Geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie
geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie.
I think we're getting close!
Noob to become the millionth word in the English language? [destructoid]
Thanks to Salazar, who suggests we petition to have bangarang included as well.
May 12 2009 Wuv, Tru Wuv: Heart-Shaped Watermelons
What? I CAN QUOTE The Princess Bride IF I WANT. There's no shame in my game. Or extra lives. Anyway, just in time for not Valentine's Day, Japanese jolly ranchers Kiroichi Kimura and his wife have perfected a way of growing heart-shaped watermelons, which sell for up to $160. It took three years to develop the process, which involves implanting a watermelon seed in a giant's heart and then slaying it and removing the melon afterward. Nice, guys, but I think I still stick to regular-shaped melons. *ahem* I'm looking at you, female Geekologie reader.
Heart-shaped watermelons in Japan [japanprobe]
Thanks to Ashnod, ffffffffffffffffffffff and NESbeast, who are holding out for spleen shaped watermelons.
May 12 2009 Denny's: Now With More Dinosaurs, Drugs
This is a new commercial for Denny's advertising how cool it is to get all high out of your mind and then go eat breakfast at 4am -- but not before dropping a handful of acid in the parking lot. I mean, Jesus, the unicorn can't even chew his fries. And while I did appreciate the inclusion of a dinosaur, this commercial is still sending the wrong message to today's youth. One about breakfast being the most important meal of the day. IT'S LUNCH, PEOPLE.
Thanks to Verity, who knows how much I love dinosaurs. But not how much I love leprechauns. *wink* Just kidding, those little bastards are creeeeepy.
May 11 2009 Another Montauk Monster Washes Ashore
Remember the Montauk Monster? It's back. Well, another one at least. Escaped from the same top secret government facility as the first, this monster washed up on Southhold, Long Island, just across the bay from Montauk. AND THERE'S VIDEO. AND IT'S GROSS. BUT I'D STILL EAT IT. BECAUSE I'M HUNGRY.
Hit the jump for some guy poking the thing, holding hands with it, and singing Kumbaya and shit.
May 11 2009 Child Safety First: The Stroller Trike
The Taga Stroller Trike allows you to get some exercise while at the same time getting those pasty leeches of yours out from in front of the television -- and into traffic! HONK HONK, BEEP BEEP!
Taga isn't the first pedal powered vehicle with space to load up the kiddies, it does put add a few new levels of convenience to the way you schlep your offspring around.
For starters, it folds up so you can fit it in the car trunk for trips out of town. Then there's the wide range of attachments, including setups for two kids, covered seats for rainy days, and shopping baskets. You can even adjust the length of the Taga depending on what load you need to carry.
Sure, why not? Unfortunately, the Taga is currently only available in Europe because using your children as a protective shield from oncoming traffic is frowned upon here in the states. Which is exactly why I'm moving back in with my parents. Taco night! Ladies? Just a heads up though: if we mess around we have to do it with my bedroom door open.
Taga stroller/trike is an awesome way to bring the kids along on your trips. [dvice]
May 11 2009 Play Him Off, Keyboard Cat: Spiderman Fail
This is a video of Spiderman hurting himself in front of a bunch of children and being played off by a cat on a keyboard. Trust me, it'll all make sense after you watch it. Just kidding, it won't ever make sense. But it will always make awesome.
Thanks to Joemo, who once found Spiderman trapped in his own web and furiously pleasuring himself to a daddy longlegs.
May 11 2009 Hello Laaaaadies: The Pheromone Ring
Pheromone, named in honor of the goddess Pheromoneus, is Greek for "bonertime". Also, you're sort of being flipped off there in the picture, so consider that a little present from me to you. Anyway, this ring emits pheromones (Greek for "Spanish Booty Juice") whenever you push it in order to attract the men/women your way. Just like flies to honey. Or the Geekologie Writer to the guy in the dinosaur costume at his son's birthday party. Which *ahem* totally never happened (seriously, return my calls, I'd like to book you again).
Squeeze the side, and the S ring emits perfume juiced with pheromones. Three scents for each sex, all custom mixed.
You have to inject the perfumes into the ring with a hypodermic needle which is supposed to invoke the "clinical process" of getting ready for a date. The scent is released when you squeeze the side, causing the tiny piezo tubes to contract.
Hey, I don't care how it works, just as long as it does work. Now I am heading straight to the bar and I am going to pheromone (Greek for "my natural, onion-y musk") some chick RIGHT IN THE EYES. And, if that doesn't work, I'm going with Plan B: tranquilizer darts. I'm not the creep, you're the creep!
Hit the jump for a couple more shots of seduction.
May 11 2009 World's Smallest Cheeseburger Combo Meal
This is the world's smallest (and cutest) combo meal. It consists of a little cheeseburger with all the fixins, a very small fry, and a miniscule soda. It's all real too. Hit the jump to see just how small it is (burger is about 1" round), along with a link to more pictures of its making. No word on what kind of children's toy was included, but, if I had to guess, a choking hazard. Get it? Because it's so small. AAAAH, I DON'T GET IT EITHER!
Hit it lest you end up looking like Governer L. Phatt from LeChuck's Revenge. Monkey Island reference? MONKEY ISLAND REFERENCE! Who loves you?
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May 11 2009 Another Day, Another Cosmic Eyeball
We've already seen God's hand, God's eye and the Eye of Sauron, so why not another cosmic ball of eye? This here is the latest in a batch of images from the Hubble Space Bubblescope of planetary nebula Knockout 4-55. Enter Punch-Out tie-in here. I AM THE L337 BLOGGAR!
Planetary nebulas have nothing to do with planets. They were named so because in early telescopes, they had the fuzzy look of planets in our outer solar system. In fact planetary nebulas sit throughout our galaxy. This one contains the outer layers of a red giant star that were expelled into interstellar space when the star was in the late stages of its life.Ultraviolet radiation emitted from the remaining hot core of the star ionizes the ejected gas shells, causing them to glow.
In the specific case of K 4-55, a bright inner ring is surrounded by a bipolar structure. The entire system is then surrounded by a faint red halo, seen in the emission by nitrogen gas. This multi-shell structure is fairly uncommon in planetary nebulae.
BOOM, YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOU WAS GETTING ASTRONOMY LESSONED! Now, for your astrology lesson: it's all bullshit. Also, you will make decisions soon. NO I AM NOT HIGH. Tell me, if eyes are the windows to one's soul, is a cosmic eye THE WINDOW TO ANOTHER DIMENSION?! And, if so, is there a dinosaur park there? ZOMG -- quick, tie me to a rocket engine!
Hubble Photographs Giant Eye in Space [yahoonews]
Thanks to Watch-303, who may or may not be operating out of Boulder/Denver region.
May 11 2009 MIT Builds World Of Warcraft Gaming Hut
Some gamers at MIT went and built a World of Warcraft 'pod' that contains everything a person would need to survive about three days while constantly playing WoW. Shitter? Check.
Inside, the gamer finds him/herself comfortable seated in front of the computer screen with easy-to-reach water, pre-packaged food, and a toilet conveniently placed underneath his/her custom-built throne.
When hungry, the gamer selects a food item ('Crunchy Spider Surprise', 'Beer Basted Ribs', etc.) and a seasoning pack. By scanning in the food items, the video game physically adjusts a hot plate to cook the item for the correct amount of time. The virtual character then jubilantly announces the status of the meal to both the gamer and the other individuals playing online: "Vorcon's meal is about to be done!" "Better eat the ribs while they're hot!" etc.
As much as I want to hate this, I've got to admit: I wouldn't mind having one. Looks equally suitable for raiding villages and your own little level 4 pants elf. Which, privacy curtain, hello?
Hit the jump for another shot and a better view of the schematic. Ha, remember when you used to make a privacy tent by pulling your bedsheet down from your loft in college? No? Me neither then.
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May 11 2009 Cool: Punch-Out!! Commercial/Documentary
This is a commercial for the new Punch-Out!! coming to the Wii, and it is awesome. Doc is exactly what I thought he'd be like in real life. "You see, a comeback is like a yo-yo. You gonna go down, but you comin' right back. And then you may end up walkin' the dog." Truer words have never been spoken. Truer words have never been spoken. What's that? Oooh, good call -- except for BANGARANG.
Hit the jump for a commercial for the original Punch-Out!! (complete with Mike Tyson!)
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May 10 2009 Aaah, I Got A Brick In My Eye!: LEGO Glasses
LEGO Sunglasses are the result of the famous toy manufacturer bedding French optics company Lynx Optique. Just some heavy petting and dry humping though. The glasses, which have the iconic LEGO nubbins on the sides, allow the wearer to pimp them out by attaching LEGO pieces. So now you can build a giant plastic Jesus on your face. Or a space shuttle. Or you could, I dunno, just slap a bunch of tranny minifigs on there. Style: I wear it like a paper bag helmet.
Lego sunglasses let you build your own fashion [dvice]
Thanks to Laura, who wears her LEGO sunglasses at night so she can watch me live and breathe my story lines.
May 10 2009 PEW PEW: Death Star Versus The Enterprise
Guess who wins. Here, I'll even give you a hint: not Endor. Ha, what do you mean it says 'Death Star Destroys Enterprise' right on the video? Well, you can't go around believing everything you hear. Did I say hear? I meant read. IT'S A TRAP!
Thanks to Evan, Antoekneeoh, Chris, who once barbecued an Ewok. It smelled like burnt fur. And to JC, who still ate some.
