Apr 2 2009Today's Awesome Failure Award Goes To....
Well, actually, it's a tie. First, a liquor store robber who probably had his mommy drive him there while he finished his juice box.
Police say a 19-year-old who tried to rob a liquor store sat down and cried after 76-year-old owner locked him in the store. The man was accused of trying to rob Sykes Liquor Store in Trenton Monday night. Police said the owner, who was behind the counter, triggered the lock after the man grabbed a bottle of Hennessy cognac and bolted for the door.
The man then allegedly pulled out a handgun and demanded to be released. But the owner said he saw that the gun was a fake, refused to unlock the door and called police.Police said the suspect threw away the gun, slumped to the floor and was crying when officers arrived to arrest him.
Wow, that is both sad and awesome at the same time. Kind of like the first time I had sex, but without the -- oh wait, he was crying. Yep, exactly like that then. Next, an idiotic failure at life who called 911 after "locking" herself in her car.
A woman called Kissimmee police to say she was locked inside her car at the Walgreen's on John Young Parkway near Poinciana.
"My car will not start. I'm locked inside my car," the unidentified woman said. "Nothing electrical works. And it's getting very hot in here, and I'm not feeling well."The dispatcher asked the woman if she was able to manually pull the lock up on the door. The woman said she would try, and then, she said, "Yes, I got the door open."
Can we please get that woman's license revoked? And also, oxygen supply. If only she hadn't gotten reception....damn you, Verizon network!
Man cries after attempt to rob liquor store fails [yahoonews]
and
Woman to 911: Help! I'm locked inside my car [orlandosentinel]
Thanks to Joemo and Jason, who have never cried because when they feel a tear coming they just punch themselves in the eye until it goes away.
Reader Comments
1. paineel - April 2, 2009 3:21 PM
1st
bobbi brown
chris brown
your thoughts.
2. LSDiesel - April 2, 2009 3:24 PM
@1, You don't get the 'awesomest fail award' but you get a fail award for sure.
Congratulations f.uckwad
3. Gordon "Fücking" Shumway - April 2, 2009 3:24 PM
@1
Take your 1st shit and shove it up your ass. Douche.
These stories have made my day. I just lovez me some morons.
4. Madgame - April 2, 2009 3:26 PM
I only cry when I masturbate
5. paineel - April 2, 2009 3:26 PM
lol you know you are hating that i beat you
no like when you step mom beats you
and you have to wipe off her leg when you
get off her lap
but like when i crossed the finish line with my little
t-rex like arm and you dont tell anyone you just
lost at the special olympics at work
6. naas - April 2, 2009 3:27 PM
Every now & then we all need to cry a little. The owner should've said 'that is a total photoshop job' after calling fake on the handgun, pulled a shotgun on the kid & yelled 'This one's for Daisy bitches!' before chasing him out of the store with it.
I call shenanigans on the 2nd story
7. catch22 - April 2, 2009 3:28 PM
yep...epic fail
as for the firstardation...we know you are first by reading the number next to the name, you are simply just being redundant
on a related note GW could always remove the first tards making the 3rd or 5th post the first...but then when people refer to numbered comments everyone will get mixed up.
...blame the firsttards
8. dubba - April 2, 2009 3:31 PM
....only in florida... unless its germany
(ignoring thatthe first one was in NJ)
9. paineel - April 2, 2009 3:35 PM
i gladdly take your awards of fail
and release the flood of special joy
onto the award
enjoy
10. Jonny S - April 2, 2009 3:37 PM
Reading the article....
@1st article : Yes!!!! The fail robbery wasn't in florida! Woooo! We get all kinds of stupid shit.
@2nd article: GOD DAMNIT ORLANDO BITCH
Way to keep the failure Florida. Many of these articles I read about fails happen in Florida. Sigh
11. genius - April 2, 2009 4:01 PM
1st!!!!
12. Cade - April 2, 2009 4:12 PM
I'm sure like the morons in the article, firstards will go away if we ignore them. I mean, it's pure Darwinsm isn't it? Eventually, the lady would have starved to death or forgotten how to breathe. Firstards will eventually pick up a pair of scissors and in their excitement of being the first to post will inevitably stab themselves in the heart. And that's why I believe in the pro-American ban on safety scissors. They'll learn. And if they don't? Well, over-population problem: solved.
13. Dan - April 2, 2009 4:15 PM
Hah lmao
That guy should shoot himself
14. MotherMayI - April 2, 2009 4:44 PM
LSDIESEL = F A G
15. Vinny Mac - April 2, 2009 4:48 PM
I want to win a Awesome Failure Award...
16. naas - April 2, 2009 4:57 PM
@12 Yes, well spoken
17. ASenseOfRevenge - April 2, 2009 5:07 PM
hahaha the woman is a female Peter Griffin.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8b_EDv8f4Mw
18. I'm a Computer - April 2, 2009 6:19 PM
oh man the audio for that poor dumb woman is actually pretty funny
http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/local/breakingnews/orl-audio-locked-car-911-call-040109,0,574765.mp3file
and @17, this is also a female Peter Griffin
http://www.mustangevolution.com/forum/attachments/16222d1170733245-20061027a.jpg
19. Robert - April 2, 2009 6:54 PM
Why isn't that kid wearing a seatbelt? :(
20. scurl - April 2, 2009 7:00 PM
@18 i was checking out the female peter griffin link you posted, and i honestly got one of those random boners that happens for no reason (no reason at all), and then my wife, a few local firemen, all my wife's family, all my ex-girlfriends that i'm not still friends with, and the school teacher i respected the most all came into the room at the same time and demanded that i stand up and give them all great big hugs right away. thanks.
21. Pew³ - April 2, 2009 7:13 PM
The second story reminds me of Blonde Star;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B3UGhRjPry4
22. Pew³ - April 2, 2009 7:16 PM
BTW the second story was a fake.
April pew's!
23. Ryan - April 2, 2009 7:17 PM
911 call was posted on April 1, you April Fools.
24. Daisy - April 2, 2009 8:10 PM
FAKE!!!!
This is a complete photoshop job. You can tell its a fake because the shadow's are all wrong.
This is exactly like that scene in the movie NEver Back Down where Max and Baja got picked up by Max's housekeeper, and Max's father was under some blankets in the back of the car, and asked the kids to tell him about a videogame they found in some bags he brought home.
25. naas - April 2, 2009 8:38 PM
@22 I thought so... http://www.geekologie.com/2009/04/todays_failure_of_the_day_goes.php#comment-95373
26. amishguy - April 2, 2009 9:49 PM
Ha i'm from kissimmee... i have never been so proud.
27. azalea - April 3, 2009 12:08 AM
Hennessey? At least he has reasonably good taste.
28. fulllovegirl - April 3, 2009 4:46 AM
# 2 My friend told a me a hot dating place …..seekbi.com…..where you have the opportunity dreaming about dating a millionaire or hot girl ,supermodels and so on.First i can’t believe,then i sign up there. i really got many friends including celebrities.it’s so exciting.Happy life is up to U!!!!^^
29. Michael - April 3, 2009 8:28 AM
Did you notice "cry-baby boy" is in a moving car and not buckled?
30. Gordon "Fücking" Shumway - April 3, 2009 9:33 AM
@29
That's because he just got raped by the priest that's driving the car.
31. Florida Condos in Destin - February 22, 2010 5:16 PM
cool!