Apr 3 2009Uh-Oh, They Don't Need Us: Robot Scientist Makes Own Discoveries Without Human Help
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but if you thought yesterday's fire-breathing robot-baby was bad, you're in for a real treat. Adam, a robot scientist, has officially "discovered new scientific knowledge independently of a human operator." Run for the hills folks, and I'm not even kidding.
The device has already identified the role of several genes in yeast cells, and has the ability to plan further experiments to test its own hypotheses. Ross King, from the university's computer science department, remarked that the robot is meant to take care of the tedious aspects of the scientific method, freeing up human scientists for "more advanced experiments."
Yeah, too bad this robotic bastard is gonna trump all the human scientists. How long until a robot receives a Nobel prize -- two, three years? Then what -- what's the next big discovery?
A: That humans are dispensable.*
*This answer based entirely on The Geekologie Writer's own speculation and ability to see the future when he's high. Also, it might be the booze talking, but it's totally not (it is). YOU ROBASTARDS WILL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE! *pew pew*
Thanks to bum master, Chris, Jake, Joemo, Katie, Phil, Austin, Dan, Tank, Adrian, Harrison, two different Jons, Jay, Milkman, adam, Martyn and Charks, who obviously don't care if I have nightmares. Thanks a lot, dicks.
Reader Comments
1. Slice - April 3, 2009 6:25 PM
first? OH GOD I HOPE SO OMG
2. ME - April 3, 2009 6:25 PM
F1RST
3. ME - April 3, 2009 6:25 PM
damn u slice
4. Slice - April 3, 2009 6:26 PM
bwuahaha
5. Pew³ - April 3, 2009 6:28 PM
Once it's done beating everyone at chess, they will put it's brain in the body of a robot porn star sitting at a desk. He will play hide and seek with your daughter who happens to be taking a nap in the company helicopter, then he will go apeshit when another cyborg contacts him through the internet.
I'll know what happens next tonight.
Pew Pew Pew!
6. Darth - April 3, 2009 6:29 PM
Ya right
7. naas - April 3, 2009 6:32 PM
Uh oh, it won't be long now before machines like this learn how to hack a few partical accelerators & synchronize them into firing up a black hole.
Hopefully before then it'll find a cure for firstards like @1 - 4 by blowing their eyeballs out & then launching their bloody scrawny little corpses off the face of the planet
8. I'm a Computer - April 3, 2009 6:37 PM
maybe this thing can figure out whats wrong with my wenis.
9. Ryan - April 3, 2009 7:12 PM
Should'nt be too long before they discover an antidote to humanity.
10. PsychoSane13 - April 3, 2009 7:18 PM
What are the chances that the robot only found the new info because of a human error when they put the samples in or around it. maybe a sneeze on the yeast?
11. tissue - April 3, 2009 7:40 PM
dear adam,
can i be your jester when you take over as king of the world?
thanks!
your soon-to-be human lackey,
tissue
12. BZKlint - April 3, 2009 7:40 PM
Made this about a month ago if anyone's interested :)
http://fc19.deviantart.com/fs45/f/2009/072/b/e/Geekologie_Logo_3D_AO_Pass_by_OmgKlint.jpg
13. foraz - April 3, 2009 7:41 PM
What will grad students do now?
14. naas - April 3, 2009 7:48 PM
@12 heeeeeey, nice metallic wording
15. 12bit-whore - April 3, 2009 7:48 PM
ahhhhhhaahaha!!!!!!!!!
16. Milkman - April 3, 2009 8:09 PM
Welcome GW...... just doing my part
17. Rahvin - April 3, 2009 9:17 PM
Ok... time to start our Butlerian Jihad (Dune reference)
But this is obviously something out of a Dune book... Look the name written on the machine:
IX !!!!!!!!
"Ross King, from the university's computer science department, remarked that the robot is meant to take care of the tedious aspects of the scientific method, freeing up human scientists for "more advanced experiments."
This is when they see humans are useless
18. Kyle - April 3, 2009 9:20 PM
Haha i almost sent this to you as well
19. formerly SPELLINGNAZI© - April 3, 2009 10:00 PM
LMFAO @ "Thanks a lot, dicks."
Best GW credit ever!
20. Clamdigger - April 3, 2009 10:33 PM
Yeah wait untill it figures out cloning. Drone humans and kills off the problem ones. Maybe I should smash my computer now.......na still under warranty, we are already domed. Could they at least grant me my final wish and make the clones look like a young Pam Anderson?
21. Daisy - April 3, 2009 10:57 PM
FAKE!!!!
This is a complete photoshop job. You can tell its a fake because the shadow's are all wrong.
This is exactly like that scene int he movie Never BAck Down where Max built a robot for a school project with his grandfather. Right before he was supposed to show the robot, it broke so while Max and Grandpa tried to fix the robot Baja's dad went on stage to tell jokes and stall. The audience mistook Baja's dad for the robot, and later he came out and said the robot broke backstage, and inexplicably he won the science fair.
22. Timbo - April 3, 2009 11:19 PM
Burn it.... Burn it to the ground... Then burn it's remains to the netherworlds...
23. Ade - April 4, 2009 12:55 AM
Next thing you know, this robot has already conducted experiments on humans (you know, to make its own cyborg army), and well, we'll be screwed.
24. Graf Zeppelin - April 4, 2009 4:11 AM
Last!!!
25. twellve - April 4, 2009 5:56 AM
anyone else have 'Robots' by the Flight of the Conchords going through their head now?
26. Outsane - April 4, 2009 7:45 AM
I read ya man - I myself have the same paranoi that machines will destroy us all through a human error in programming, it's not just the drugs man. It's not paranoia if someone is out to get you.
love from uk!
27. Photoshop Police - April 4, 2009 9:59 AM
skynet?.... is that you?
28. Hema - April 4, 2009 10:33 AM
"Robastards"
Awesome.
29. 12bit-whore - April 4, 2009 11:01 AM
Satuuuuuuurdaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayy!!!!
30. the Commish - April 4, 2009 11:25 AM
FAIL!! This post fails on so many levels. Who the hell cares!?
This is just like that time I set my coffee maker to brew coffee at 8 am every morning. Eventually it got tired of just brewing coffee and decided that cooking an entire meal was a better use of time. After becoming bored with only preparing breakfast for the entire neighborhood, it decided it was time to overthrow a foreign government. It got tired of trying to convince the can openers and mixers that gaining control of an entire other nation would be fun and exciting. They wondered where they would be able to plug themselves in out in the middle of the desert.
31. Watch - April 4, 2009 4:41 PM
It's Brainiac