Apr 26 2009Admit It, Government: Aliens Are Real, Yo
Aliens are real, here on earth, and the U.S. government has the proof to prove it, at least according to Edgar Mitchell, the longest moonwalker (suck it, MJ!), and handsome devil seen in the photo above. This is not the first time Edgar 'Aliens In My Ass' Mitchell has confessed his belief in extraterestrians, or whatever the hell you call them.
"It is now time to put away this embargo of truth about the alien presence," said the astronaut who made the longest moonwalk in history. "I call upon our government to open up ... and become a part of this planetary community that is now trying to take our proper role as a spacefaring civilization."
Asked why there still is no definitive proof, he said: "We have that, it's just that it's been covered up and denied by the powers that be in our own government," adding that "there's a secret government" that may be run by the "military-industrial complex."
Listen, Edgar 'Check Your Feces for Pieces of Antennae' Mitchell -- everyone with half a brain knows there are aliens among us. The problem is, you can't go spitting all that knowledge to the general public without these idiots rushing to the grocery store and buying up all the peanut butter and taping their buttholes closed every night. PEOPLE CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH. Could you imagine what would happen if they found out the president was a robot....
....
.... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
CURL: Astronaut says we're not alone [washingtonpost]
Thanks to Fish Man, who lives underwater and doesn't have to worry about aliens as much because they can't swim.
Reader Comments
1. meowmo - April 26, 2009 7:10 PM
last
2. nathan - April 26, 2009 7:19 PM
second to last
3. Matt - April 26, 2009 7:43 PM
Third to last
4. bob - April 26, 2009 8:05 PM
fourth to last.
5. Lasty - April 26, 2009 8:06 PM
And bringing up the reaer...... it's Lasty!!!!
6. Tennist0 - April 26, 2009 8:35 PM
don't worry guys, the foil hat is... ON!!!
7. Tennist0 - April 26, 2009 8:37 PM
@1-5... Especially 1 & 5: FAIL!
8. Lasty - April 26, 2009 8:42 PM
@7 Your mom failed. So I kicked her ass out of the car. I want my $5 back.
9. Tennist0 - April 26, 2009 8:43 PM
the fail made was you... your just holding gruge nobody wanted you
10. WillC - April 26, 2009 8:54 PM
What is it with OLD news this weekend? Do we have nothing new to report? First elephant $hitjuice, now this. You're letting us all down.
11. who? - April 26, 2009 8:57 PM
hahahahaha
FIRST
12. timmy the dying boy - April 26, 2009 9:19 PM
He shouldn't have picked up those hitchhikers on the way home back then. Now we're all up shit creek.
13. AngryChineseDriver.com - April 26, 2009 9:38 PM
Does no one see the funny face in the moon?
PHOTOSHOPPED!!!!!!!!11111oneoneoneone
14. FREE CASH BACK - If you own a car! - April 26, 2009 9:38 PM
I just got a $149 check - National Car Insurance is giving away some cash - You don't have to give any personal information, all you have to do is select your state and hit 'get quote' to see how much you qualify for (up to $500 only). Not sure how long this is going to last, but as of right now it still works. Here's the link: http://www.freegiftcardgiveaway.org/national-car-insurance/
15. Cade - April 26, 2009 10:10 PM
I enjoy the "To the GW" inscribed above the signature. Well done. Where's Daisy on this one? I tend to agree with him, though, and the GW here. We need more openess about whether there are extra terrestrials among us. But unfortunately, widely public news would cause the masses to swarm the local Wal-Mart and buy a whole bunch of useless goods. I live in Kentucky--when there's a chance for a small thunderstorm, the hicks here will stock up on bottled water, Snickers, beer and buckshot. I think the greatest conspiracy here, however, is that the government is controlling our weather to increase consumerism damned be the consequences.
16. Daisy - April 26, 2009 10:35 PM
FAKE!!!!
This is a complete photoshop job. You can tell its a fake because the shadow's are all wrong.
This is exactly like that scene in the movie Never Back Down where Max went to a red sox game with his girlfriend. She brought a computer and was catching up on some work when she got nailed in the face with a foul ball. Things like this prove the existence of God.
17. Watch - April 26, 2009 10:37 PM
stfu daisy, your a waist of space.
18. Dylan - April 26, 2009 10:45 PM
Well give Daisy to the aliens so they can probe her.
19. Catholic Audio - April 26, 2009 11:05 PM
A ROBOT!! Of COURSE!!!1!!ONE!! THAT's why he won't produce a long-form birth certificate! It all makes sense now...
20. achille - April 26, 2009 11:15 PM
Nephilim!
These little bastards are not from a distant planet... they're from right here, their just multi demential. Basic physics and higher level mathematics explains all of these phenomenon when you realize that these creatures are able to operate on higher level physical dimensions beyond the 3 we operate on. This is exactly the definition of a spiritual being... not some spooky ghost like thing... something that is able to operate on a higher physical dimension.
the return of the Nephilim!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!
21. achille - April 26, 2009 11:16 PM
Nephilim!
These little bastards are not from a distant planet... they're from right here, their just multi demential. Basic physics and higher level mathematics explains all of these phenomenon when you realize that these creatures are able to operate on higher level physical dimensions beyond the 3 we operate on. This is exactly the definition of a spiritual being... not some spooky ghost like thing... something that is able to operate on a higher physical dimension.
the return of the Nephilim!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!
22. brian - April 26, 2009 11:40 PM
dude looks like kevin spacey
23. Angel Mass - April 27, 2009 1:22 AM
Geez, I guess soon we will figure out that fire burns
24. OtterMan - April 27, 2009 7:05 AM
Hehe, it's kinda interesting to think that if there is the slightest possibility he's telling the truth - you can see why our governments wouldn't want the masses to know. Just look at any comments here and think of how the general population would react (sharp sticks and monkey noises) and you can kinda see why they keep the rest of us in the dark...
=)
25. catch22 - April 27, 2009 7:29 AM
bonus points for the actual photoshop job
26. stacy - April 27, 2009 8:40 AM
yeah i'm sure there is proof and every other country that has been to space just hid their evidence too. WORLD WIDE CONSPIRACY. and none of them stuck any info out. come on now.
27. Matt - April 27, 2009 8:59 AM
@ Stacy:
Actually, other countries HAVE done just that. France being one. Britain being another.
Want proof?
http://www.nationalarchives.gov.uk/ufos/
28. madrid - April 27, 2009 9:09 AM
Funny.
29. Watch - April 27, 2009 10:05 AM
@ 17 STOP STEALING MY NAME YOU FCUKING ASSHOLE AND LEARN HOW TO SPELL WASTE YOU TROLL!!!! I think aliens just might exist
30. naas - April 27, 2009 10:20 AM
Things like that DO prove the existence of god Daisy, I completely agree. I don't however, agree with baseball or computers
31. Gando - April 27, 2009 11:17 AM
Let's have a look from this way.Since we know The Universe is immense,why should we the only ones here? Otherwise it's literal a waste of space.
32. Watch - April 27, 2009 12:44 PM
I agree with you Gando, if we exist and we are life, then there should be life on other worlds as well.
33. Deetz - April 27, 2009 4:01 PM
I've been following this stuff for a bit now. Obama has been approached to release the X-Files on the ET and UFO phenomenon. A member of his staff actually is urging him to do it, and if he doesn't release them by May 31st, then the UFO Convention members will bother him to death until he does.
See video of the April 20th 2009 x-convention
http://www.realufos.net/2009/04/fifth-annual-x-conference-cnn-news.html
I recommend skipping to 4:26 of part 6 for the most interesting part.
I'm not saying there are or what not, just saying it's interesting and if I hear Space Aliens exist from President Obama that will be the greatest day.
34. alien - April 27, 2009 8:26 PM
@18
i'll probe you
35. Galtacticus - April 28, 2009 2:46 AM
If there're aliens who are visiting our planet then i consider them as peaceful.Till now they didn't harm us.Or maybe we're getting protected by aliens as well?
36. Sauron - April 28, 2009 2:51 AM
Hello! Are there any hot and sexy girls who need protection?
37. wazmeister05 - April 28, 2009 6:21 PM
Yeah i think its stargate-ish, protected planets and secret government agencies and what not. But none of the scientology business that's like the bible. Too far-fetched.
38. Fish Man - April 28, 2009 8:33 PM
lol, i had no idea this was "old news" (in the sense that he's said it before like a broken record) but it's kind of interesting. and the last time wasn't when Obama was president was it? alot of people probably couldn't handle the truth either. but it'll happen eventually. and at least they're only studying us like we study frogs instead of destroying us like we destroy ants. Sentient life forms are just curious and experiment. but as soon as they're experimented on they think it's "out of their rights" animals have just as many rights as us, they just don't acknowledge it like we do.
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40. laptop battery - November 6, 2009 12:05 AM
The problem is, you can't go spitting all that knowledge to the general public without these idiots rushing to the grocery store and buying up all the peanut butter and taping their buttholes closed every night. PEOPLE CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH.