May 2 2009 Weed Copter Spots The Pot, Alerts The Cops

The 'Canna Chopper' is an unmanned miniature helicopter fitted with "odor and video detection instruments" that locates your field of (pipe) dreams in the Netherlands and notifies authorities. Needless to say, it's the polar opposite of a ROFLCOPTER.

On its maiden voyage it managed to locate a cannabis farm and officers arrested seven growers and recovered several kilos of the outlawed weed. Now all it needs is a gun attached to its underside and it could make its own arrests.

Robot, kill it. And also, stay the hell away from my basement, nothing to see down there. Smell -- what smell? Well, can't say I didn't warn you. *pew pew*

Dutch 'Canna Chopper' sniffs out cannabis fields from the air [dvice]

Thanks to twellve and Mr. Fancy, who are both smart enough to know that drugs your screw up brain real bad.

May 2 2009 DO NOT WANT: Worst MacBook Pro Ever

Ryan went to Best Buy to buy a MacBook Pro. And he did. Or so he thought. Then he brought it home and realized it was a brick. A real brick! Still, it's a step up from rocks.

When I got home I opened the box and found a paving stone packed with bubble wrap, instead of the Macbook Pro. I returned to the store and the manager, "Keith", was not too willing to help me out. He kept falling back on the line "Apple seals the boxes, not us. Take it up with Apple."

I have sent an email to Best Buy corporate and have contacted my credit card company. Unfortunately, they can't do anything until the charge posts.So right now, I paid $2164.89 for a very nice red brick.

ZOMG, I've burnt stores to the ground for less. Like that drug store that was out of Magnums. Okay, that never happened. But if it did....

I wouldn't know what to do with all that penis!

$2164.89 Paving Stone in a MacBook Pro Box Looks Nice, But Won't Run Photoshop [consumerist]

Thanks to Jeremy, who thought he was buying a cinder block but it turned out to be a Ferrari. You lucky dog!

May 2 2009 On Camera: Bus Driver Crashes While Texting

He's not just driving any bus either, he's sporting that short joint (see man in wheelchair tethered in the back). Jesus. Dude texts for six minutes straight before finally rear-ending somebody. You'd think being on camera would be enough to deter this sort of behavior, but no, it's not. This is almost as bad as your middle school bus driver drinking and smoking the whole ride. Miss you Mrs. Wright! Madison County (AL) Public Schools Bus #114 FTW!

Bus Driver Crashes While Texting [break]

Thanks to Brandon, who once piloted a bus off a cliff but downshifted right before he hit the ground and drove off without a scratch.

May 1 2009 DIY: How To Get Out Of Jury Duty (Sort Of)

Erik Slye (he is too), 36, of Gallatin County, Monatana really, really, REALLY didn't want to serve on a jury after being summoned for duty. So what did he do? Wrote a nasty letter. His affidavit to the court follows, in case you can't read it in the picture.

Apparently you morons didn't understand me the first time. I CANNOT take time off from work. I'm not putting my family's well being at stake to participate in this crap. I don't believe in our "justice" system and I don't want to have a goddam thing to do with it. Jury duty is a complete waste of time. I would rather count the wrinkles on my dogs balls than sit on a jury. Get it through your thick skulls. Leave me the F--k alone.

Way to hero it up, Erik. "The document, of course, did not sit well with court officials and led a judge to threaten to jail Slye. But after being summoned to court, Slye apologized for the affidavit and avoided being cited on a criminal failure to appear rap. And he also was excused from serving on a jury." Wow. So I guess sometimes writing a nasty letter really does work. Oh, and Erik -- neuter the dog, bro.

New Wrinkle On Avoiding Jury Duty [thesmokinggun]

Thanks to The Jerk and Joemo, who found jury duty a great time to peruse the Geekologie archives.

May 1 2009 iSnort App: All The Cool Kids Are Doing It

iSnort is a bootleg iPhone app that makes it appear as though you're cutting up coke and snorting it. Unfortunately, it's not even a real app. It's just a video that you have to choreograph your movements to (the iPhone's touchscreen doesn't respond to heavily abused credit cards or rolled up bills). That said, you can pick it up for £5 at their website. Or, put that money towards some real nose candy. Yeah, I'm talking that good shit. Model airplane glue.

TheiSnort
via
Perfect Cocaine Simulator Will Never Make It to the iPhone App Store [gizmodo]

Thanks to prestoner, who will be building his first gravity bong in no time. *sniff* They grow up so fast.

May 1 2009 Tactical Crossbow Mounts On AR-15 Stock

The PSE TAC-15 Crossbow costs $1,300 and mounts to the receiver of an AR-15 (not included). It is a serious piece of killing equipment and should not be purchased by children under the age of 9.

This crossbow is mounted on the skeleton of an AR-15 assault rifle and has a scope. A handy feature of the skeleton, by the way, is the "picatinny rail system." Long story short is you can slide a grenade launcher in there as an add-on.

Hell yeah, I want like nine of these things. Four for each arm and one for my penis. Oh, you don't think he can shoot a crossbow? *KATWANG* Oh snap, you just got SHOT THROUGH THE HEART, AND MY WANG'S TO BLAME, YOU GIVE LOOOOVE....hello? HELLO? *doot doo doo*

PSE TAC-15 Crossbow Does Not Dick Around [spike]

Thanks to Isaac and Calvin, who promise me heaven but put me through hell.

May 1 2009 Society For Prevention Of Cruelty To Robot

I want these people (if they are people) found, and I want them TERMINATED!

The American Society For The Prevention Of Cruelty To Robots (ASPCR)

Thanks to Greg, who took some initiative and called the FBI to report a new terrorist threat.

May 1 2009 Cincinnati Has Its Own Superheroes, Both Super And Hero Debatable (Can I Join?)

Finally, Cincinnati has it's own superheros. Shadow Hare, a 21-year old masked vigilante, prowls the streets while leading a ragtag bag of other assholes crimefighters known as The Allegiance of Heroes (MUST SEE hero pep rally at 1:07). And, apparently, this isn't a unique phenomenon -- there's actually a World Superhero Registry (ANOTHER MUST SEE), showcasing all the real-life heroes operating around the globe. Which, after viewing, has inspired me to start my own group of crimefighters (now accepting applications). I'm thinking 'GW and the Nut-Busting Crusaders Of Truth And Cool Costumes'. Too professional?

Hit the jump for parts 2 and 3 of the news story about Shadow Hare. Trust me, best way to spend your Friday afternoon. ALLEGIANCE ASSEMBLE!

Continue Reading " Cincinnati Has Its Own Superheroes, Both Super And Hero Debatable (Can I Join?) "

May 1 2009 Swine Flu Origin, Self Diagnosis Website

If you haven't seen this already, allegedly, this is how it all began (but not really, so PLEASE don't email me about it). And, with the world in hysterics, DoIHaveSwineFlu.org has developed a web-based self diagnostic tool for the detection of swine flu. It takes just one minute to complete, so I urge you all to take the time to run through it, just to be on the safe side. Go on, do it for me. Well? Be honest. ZOMG, YOU HAVE IT DON'T YOU?!? Jesus, don't leave a comment -- you'll kill us all!

DoIHaveSwineFlu.org

Thanks to Bailey, trishna87 and Michael, who are holding out for the ewe flu.

May 1 2009 Don't Buy .tv Domain Names, Island Is Sinking

If you try to register a website with a .tv domain (country code for Tuvalu) from Godaddy, a pop-up warns you that the island is sinking and recommends you reconsider. I have no idea what this has to do with anything, just thought I'd pass it along in case you were in the market. And not just because I get a cut of all .gw domains registered, but I do. Guinea-Bissau: where the internet happens. Impressed? You should be, I came up with that slogan all by myself. Geekologie: where geniusness happens. Oh shit -- I just did it again!

Godaddy: Don't Buy dot-TV Domains, The Island is Sinking. [boingboing]

Thanks to Chris, who started a petition to create .crs domains, but the idea was shot down by an old World War II fighter plane.

May 1 2009 Sure, Why Not?: Growing Plants On The Moon

Paragon Space Development Corporation, a NASA subcontractor, has decided to take a stab at growing plants in a specially designed greenhouse on the moon. THE MOON! The attempt will take place in 2012, so we may or may not get to see if it works before the world ends.

In order to successfully grow a plant on the moon, Paragon has developed a very specialized greenhouse that can safely contain a plant and provide it with all elements it needs to survive. The greenhouse will need to protect the plant from the sun's intense rays while providing it with enough water, balanced soil, and carbon dioxide while removing its waste oxygen.

Paragon has chosen a species within Brassica (the mustard family), due to their quick growth and the abundance of knowledge about the plant. A typical Brassica needs 14 days of light in order to grow, flower and then set seed. A lunar day is 14 Earth days long, so if the landing is timed perfectly, it will allow just enough time for the plant to grow to maturity and possibly re-seed.

Nice, but you really think anyone cares about growing mustard on the moon? No, I'm convinced there's a much more diabolical motive behind this experiment. Namely, government space weed.

First Gardens on the Moon by 2012! [inhabitat]

Thanks to Chuck Nunchuck and toast king, who once got high on Mars and thought they saw an alien. It was a rock.

Apr 30 2009 Highly Questionable, Volatile: Robot Milk

I have no idea what the hell robot milk is (likely poison), but it looks thicker than the BBW in my fetish mag. Also, how the hell does one go about procuring robot milk? Because if it's anything like milking a bull, the The Superficial Writer wants in.

Robot Milk [friggingrandom]

Thanks to Bo, who once milked a goat and then made goat cheese and sold it at a farmer's market. Good looking, Bo.

Apr 30 2009 Graphical!: Some Sweet Adobe Suite Pillows

I was gonna do the whole FAKE! bit on this post but then I realized I've done it like three times already and that's way too many for any one person, so I decided not to. Anyway, this is a set of Adobe icon pillows, featuring all your favorite design programs like Photoshop, Illustrator, and that handsome devil Dreamweaver. Prices are as Illustratored(!). Buy the whole set and save $10. Buy sweatshop free and save some third-world youth's fingers. Buy me a drink and then take me home and do me. RAWR!

Adobe Creative Suite Pillows Are All About Design [gizmodo]

Thanks to Jesse, who doesn't need a pillow to be comfortable because she sleeps in the clouds with unicorns. Lucky!

Apr 30 2009 Scientists Create Chemical Gel That Moves On It's Own, Will Power Our Future Overlords

Some foolish Japanese scientists have developed a chemical compound capable of moving on it's own. They're convinced it's the stuff future robots will be made of. I'm convinced I just let one loose in my pants.

A group of Japanese roboticists, led by Shingo Maeda at the Shuji Hashimoto applied physics laboratory at Waseda University, have created a chemical gel capable of independent motion, similar to that of a caterpillar.

Using a process that combines polymers, the material not only moves on its own, but also can change colors and can be used to perform calculations. According to the scientists involved in the project the morphable material could even one day be used as components of a future robot, thus making the notion of the incredibly scary Terminator T-1000 a real possibility.

That's....terrible news. WTF, ROBOTICISTS? Roboticists shouldn't even be a real thing. If I close my eyes and say, "roboticists don't exist" three times they should all disappear, right? Okay, *covering eyes* "roboticists don't exist, roboticists don't exist, roboticists don't exist". There *uncovering eyes* HOLY SHIT -- BLOODY MARY, AAAAAAAAHHH!

Hit the jump for a video of a miniature T-1000 in action.

Continue Reading " Scientists Create Chemical Gel That Moves On It's Own, Will Power Our Future Overlords "

Apr 30 2009 Surgical Masks: Fight The Swine Flu In Style

Let's face it, we're all gonna get the swine flu and die. But we can at least stave off infection for as long as possible and look stylish at the same time. Enter Yoriko Yoshida's (links to artists portfolio with tons and tons more) stylin' and profilin' surgical masks, each printed with a unique design. I call this one 'Octostache'. Hit the jump for a bunch more, but be sure to check out Yoriko's page to see them all. Then, get to designing your own. Or, alternatively, meet me in my underground bunker. I ain't going out because some jerk couldn't keep his penis in his pants at the petting zoo!

Yoriko Yoshida's Portfolio
via
Stylish surgical masks by Yoriko Yoshida [pinktentacle]

Thanks to Margo the Jeweler, who made one with gold and diamonds. It's so sparkly!

Continue Reading " Surgical Masks: Fight The Swine Flu In Style "

Apr 30 2009 I'd Buy One: The NES Controller Mouse

Sadly, the NES Controller Mouse is only conceptual. But, if there's enough consumer interest, I'll step forward and manufacture them myself (read: collect money for pre-orders and skip the country). Capitalism baby, gotta love it. Also, self-conscious strippers and breakfast cereal options.

nintendo nes controller mouse: when can i buy one? [technabob]

Thanks to Matt, Julian and RaDe, who know Count Chocula and Cap'n Crunch make the world go round. Illuminati.

Apr 30 2009 Cat Jumping In And Out Of A Tall Box

Sure it may sound boring, but it's actually entertaining to the power of illegal Mexican fireworks. The first minute of the video shows the cat figuring out how to get IN the box, but the second half is him jumping OUT, which is the awesome part. Watch him launch out at 1:17 (or -0:40 if the timer is counting down) and tell me that's not awesomest thing you've seen all morning. Because if it's not, well, apparently you've already seen some pretty wicked stuff today. Holla atcha boy with a tip, yang.

Cat In A Box [yahoovideo]

Thanks to Conor, who tried training his turtle to jump out of a box but it never would.

Apr 30 2009 Good Eats: A Whole Chicken In A Can

Hungry? Yeah, but are you whole chicken in a can hungry? That's right folks, Sweet Sue's Canned Whole Chicken (without giblets) is an entire cooked chicken in a can (a big one). Equally perfect for camping trips or throwing up everywhere! Hit the jump to see an uncanning in progress, which will leave you wondering why you've ever eaten anything else. Then go get one. You'll be doubled over on the bathroom floor with the runs quicker than you can say "I think I ate the asshole"! Bon Appétit!

Hit it for the uncanning. Really makes me want one.

Continue Reading " Good Eats: A Whole Chicken In A Can "

Apr 30 2009 Dead Bugs + Old Watch Parts = 'Cybugs'

Mike Libby is a Maine-based artist who glues old watch parts on dead bugs to create steampunk looking insects. Which actually seem pretty cool until you realize that this is what robots will really look like in a few years. True story: one time I let a beetle crawl into my ear just to know what it would feel like. Unfortunately, it burrowed into my head (not unlike a Ceti eel) and I had to brain myself with an ice pick to get it out. If you couldn't tell, that was a pickup line. Ladies?

The artist, who holds a degree in sculpture from the Rhode Island School of Design, says his Insect Lab began after he found a dead, intact beetle. He thought the bug looked and operated like a little mechanical device, and decided to combine the two in a statement about the similarities and contradictions between nature and technology.

And speaking of statements about the similarities and contradictions between nature and technology: I just zip-tied a laser pointer to my penis. Now -- who wants to see some REAL art?

Hit the jump for a bunch more, including a ROFLCOPTER.

Continue Reading " Dead Bugs + Old Watch Parts = 'Cybugs' "

Apr 29 2009 Spellbound Apprentice Casts Off Wizard Hat And Robe, Gets Tazed By The Po-diddly

NSFW VIDEO IS NSFW DUE TO THE WORLD'S SMALLEST PENIS.

This is a video from Coachella of a wizard who refuses to put his hat and robe back on (you're doing it wrong!) and instead waves his minuscule penis around like Harry Potter trying to cast a spell of sadness on anyone foolish enough to look.

"It doesn't have to stop," the Naked Wizard says.

"I'll tell you what," the cop says. "You can have a great time -- but you can have an even better time if you put your clothes on...Can I get them for you?"

The officer grabs the gown and tosses to the Naked Wizard, but he casts it away again. Then the cops put on their rubber gloves, and things get ugly.

You really can't help but feel sorry for the guy. But, on the upside, this video should make you feel good about your own magic stick. So make sure to watch the video with your significant other while pointing at the dude's nubbin and telling them to be thankful. I swear, a naked wizard on drugs with the world's smallest penis getting tasered by the diddly -- is today my birthday or what?

Naked Wizard Taser Brawl At Coachella [huffingtonpost]

Thanks to A-lice in Wonderland and chainsawarms, who both noted the magician's wand was probably too small to cast any real dangerous spells.

Apr 29 2009 LOST Cake To Celebrate 100th Episode

This LOST cake was made for the cast and crew of the show by Charm City Cakes (of Ace of Cakes fame) to celebrate the series' 100th episode, which airs tonight.

It has been more than four years since that fateful airliner, Oceanic Flight 815, crashed onto an Island on September 22nd, 2004. After 99 episodes full of ominous mythology, startling discoveries, shocking cliffhangers, buried secrets, and stunning character development - we have reached the 100 episode milestone.

Nice -- 100 episodes and we still don't know jackshit. Or do we? Rearrange the letters in 'black smoke' and what do you get? Exactly, fondant. BOOM, mystery solved.

Bigger picture HERE.

Lostpedia (which, if you're a LOST fan and didn't know about, you've been missing out)

Thanks to Chris and Matt, who once Bermuda Triangled with a special magnetic field and then next thing you know babies, black smoke, mysterious civilization, time travel and a whole bunch of other boom-shacka-lacka.

Apr 29 2009 WHEE!: Fun With Fridge Magnet Letters

Want to play with those magnetic letters you stick on the fridge but stuck at work? No problem! Enter Lunchtimer's Letters 'game', where you can arrange a bunch of the colorful plastic letters to spell whatever you want. The only problem is, you have to do it in a room with 2-50 other people, so while you're trying to spell 'GEEKOLOGIE', other people are trying to change it to 'DICKOLOGIE'. Good times. There's also a game called Scratchpad where everyone doodles together like in Microsoft Paint. Obviously, both games fill up with penises and cuss words pretty quickly. Also, somebody kept drawing a pretty good Pedobear.

Hit the jump for a more common scene.

Continue Reading " WHEE!: Fun With Fridge Magnet Letters "

Apr 29 2009 3D Chess Adds Dimension To The Game

Tired of playing plain old chess? 3-way chess just not cutting it for you anymore? How about some 3-D chess? What rolls down stairs, alone or in pairs, rolls over your neighbor's dog? What's great for a snack, and fits on your back, It's 3D CHESS CHESS CHESS! Ooooh snap -- you just got Ren and Stimpy'd! Anyways, this 3D chessboard was designed by Ji Lee and bears an unstriking resemblance to Star Trek Tri-Dimensional Chess. Truthfully, I never even know the rules for chess*, I just like playing with the pieces. Haha -- my castle just stomped one of your guys with the hat! Now it's gonna....WHAT'S YOUR HORSEY DOING ON MY QUEEN?!?

3D Chessboard Is Like Q*bert for Smart People [gizmodo]

*I was kidding for the sake of the article, I'm actually a Grand Dungeon Master.

Apr 29 2009 Man Kills Friend In XBox Fueled Fight

In a serious act of good sportsmanship fail, some guy killed some other guy because the one dude (the dead one) kept beating him at Call of Duty (and yes, I am the L337 journalist). And no, that picture has nothing to do with the story besides the chicks happen to be XBox girls. I just thought it might lighten up the mood a little bit. Like mood lighting, but with boobs. Mood boobs.

Joseph Johnson, aged 28, from Chicago, is facing first-degree murder charges for allegedly killing a man while they played games together on an Xbox 360.

Johnson and Danny Taylor, aged 24, were allegedly playing video games at an apartment when tension escalated and they got into a fight. This led to Johnson allegedly shooting Taylor in the back of the head.

Jesus. Sure, I've thrown my fair share of controllers, and maybe one time I beat my brother in the head pretty badly with a Game Boy -- but actually killing somebody over a video game? That's crossing the line. THIS AIN'T NO GAME, SON, THIS IS REAL LIFE!

R.I.P. Danny.

Xbox Murder: Man Kills Acquaintance While Playing Videogame [allaboutthegames]

Thanks to Matty, who once tried to strangle a roommate with a wireless controller.

Apr 29 2009 About Time: Anti-Robot Denny's Commercial

Truthfully, I rarely go to Denny's because I prefer IHOP's Rooty Tooty Fresh 'N Fruity combo (two eggs, two bacon strips, two pork sausage links and two buttermilk pancakes crowned with cool strawberry or your choice of fruit compote and whipped topping). But I may make a change after seeing this commercial, which highlights the importance of eating a hearty breakfast in the fight against machines. You can't go fighting those robotic bastards on an empty stomach -- they'll gut you like a fish! The Grand Slamwich from Denny's: it's what John Connor would do.

Youtube

Thanks to Scurls, who knows a Carnation Instant Breakfast just won't cut it.

Apr 29 2009 Highly Questionable: No Wash Boxers

No Wash boxers were designed by 29-year old medical student Rob Libfeld who claims he came up with the idea when he noticed how embarrassed patients in the hospital were of their soiled, all white underwear. As you can see, the $13 drawls are all yellow in the front and brown in the back, so you can piss and shit to your incontinent heart's content with little to no visible embarrassment. However, there will still be a smell, so be sure to look around quizzically to expel any blame.

No wash underwear hides stains, not odours [newslite]

Thanks James, and remember: he who protested it, foam-crested it.

Apr 29 2009 How To: Quit Your Gaming Development Job

Farbs, a game developer working for 2K Australia quit his job, and this is how he submitted his two six weeks -- with a custom game (A Message for 2K Australia)! And I'll tell you -- it sure takes the cake over this resignation! *brutally punching myself in the balls*

Farbs will no longer be working for 2K Australia come June 5th, having resigned his position in order to work full time creating games like the most excellent ROM CHECK FAIL.

Combining elements of Mario and a small splash of his own game, Polychromatic Funk Monkey, Farbs delivers one of the more entertaining "I Quit" notices you're ever likely to find.

Nice. Now call me old fashioned, but whatever happened to the old 'stop showing up for work' method of resignation? It's classic -- you just stop showing up for work. Everyone will start to get all worried and think you're dead. Which, I think we can all agree, I did for the lulz.

How To Quit Your Game Development Job [kotaku]

Thanks to Simon and Julian, who have both quit jobs by crashing their cars into the office lobby. Nice guys, I like your style.

Apr 28 2009 Man Builds Batmobile From Batman Forever

Sculptor Bob Causey went and built himself a replica of the Batmobile from Batman Forever. That's all the information I have except it drives and has a complete interior. Also, Batman Forever came out in 1995. So remember kids: never give up on your dreams, it's better 14 years late than never. Or is it? It isn't. I would have turned that shit into a hotdog cart by '98.

Hit the jump for several more pictures and a video of the retracting cockpit top.

Continue Reading " Man Builds Batmobile From Batman Forever "

Apr 28 2009 Awesome Commercial For Philips 21:9 TV

This is short film entitled 'Carousel' (which has a very Dark Knight feel) meant to highlight Philips' new CINEMA 21:9 aspect-ratio television. I embedded it in high quality too, because it's awesome and I love you and don't just want to get in your pants (ignore that hand).

On its own, it clocks in at a (totally coincidental) two minutes and 19 seconds, but Berg conceived it to work as an endless loop. Visitors to the microsite therefore have the option to spin through the films single take shot repeatedly, to stop on a specific frame, or to watch it at the preordained speed. The film also contains embedded hotspots, which, when triggered, transport the viewer seamlessly from the heavily posted film to a behind-the-scenes version of the same shot. This constant moving between two layers of reality proved one of the projects biggest and most ambitious production challenges. Other details of the online execution play off the cinematic theme; the microsites loader doubles as a credit sequence, while rich media takeover banners drive traffic to the site by teasing viewers with an original Carousel trailer. All aspects of the production, from the film shoot to web design and development, were conducted by Stink Digital.

If you want to see the video in higher definition, go to the Philips site. If you don't, then you get your fix here. Personally, I thought it was awesome. Like watching two animals having sex in a nature documentary, except about as far from that as possible.

Philips Cinema
and
Youtube

Thanks to Matt, who once cried riding a carousel as a kid because he couldn't catch up with the horse in front of him.

Apr 28 2009 Rocks: Not Just For Christmas Anymore

As a guy who's no stranger to receiving a sockful of coal on Christmas morning, I wouldn't be surprised to open a birthday present and see the same thing. Thankfully, nobody bothers remembering my birthday anymore. But a Florida mother got pissed when she bought her son a $138 Nintendo DS from Wal-Mart, only to find out the box was full of rocks and a couple pieces of wadded Chinese newspaper (to prevent the fragile rocks from breakage). Wow, porno-laden PSP, you got nothin' on this.

The troubling discovery prompted the Florida woman to contact the local Wal-Mart where she bought the curious box and complain, but reportedly workers there told her it wasn't their problem and that she should contact Nintendo instead. Of course, Nintendo told her roughly the same thing, leaving mother and son with a $138 box of rocks.

Amazingly enough, however, Wal-Mart soon caved after learning that the same box of rocks had been previously returned by another disgruntled customer. How exactly it made it back onto store shelves remains a mystery, but for her troubles, Wykle was given a full refund and a $20 gift card.

Yes, what a mystery. We better call Sherlock Holmes in for this head-scratcher. I mean, WTF? You think a Keebler Elf broke out of a box of cookies, hiked all the way to the electronics department, and restocked the system in the middle of the night? Because that's what I'm leaning towards.

Florida teen finds rocks in Nintendo DS box [yahoonews]
and
$138 box of rocks?? [wtsp]

Thanks to Huevo and Lisa, who once had a shopping cart race in Wal-Mart and accidentally ran over the greeter.

Apr 28 2009 Supercomputer To Compete On Jeopardy!

If you haven't heard, an IBM 'Blue Gene' supercomputer is going to compete on Jeopardy! and show us humans just how good for nothing we are. We don't even excel at remembering trivial information! I'll take 'OMG, We're Screwed' for $600, Alex.

The IBM researchers who created Watson -- an homage to IBM founder Thomas J. Watson Sr. -- have said that they are not confident yet that their creation could compete well on the show. The New York Times reports that human champions are able to provide correct response 85% of the time to questions asked.

The computer will offer answers to the question via a synthesized voice and will choose its own follow up categories. IBM says that for the show, the computer would not be connected to the internet. How Watson will be presented and what gender the computer will be are under consideration. A screen and a projected avatar are one consideration.

You know what they should make the computer look like? Alex before he shaved that beautiful stashe of his. Loved that thing. I've even written him several letters asking him to regrow it. What do you say -- one last ride for old times' sake?

IBM Supercomputer to Compete on Jeopardy! [dailytech]

Thanks to Steve, Lisa, Mike, cougar78 and uglybuckling, all of whom could beat Ken Jennings.*

*In a bikini contest.

Apr 28 2009 Hmm: TIME's 2009 Most Influential People

Finds moot, the founder of 4chan, at the top of the 100 finalists. Anonymous, did you have anything do with this? Per tipster, z4x0r:

The TIME 2009 Top 100 Most Influential People list's polls have closed, resulting in moot, the founder of 4chan, to be named as the most influential person of 2009. This is clearly due to a massive collaboration on behalf of Anonymous (note: 16,794,368 votes, compared to 2nd place, 2,316,378.) Also to be noted, the first letter of each name, read downward, spells "Marblecake, also, the game." This was also a goal of Anonymous, to spell this particular sentence, in which they succeeded.

Keep up the good work, GW.

Hell yeah I left the 'keep up the good work, GW' in there. That's the shit that makes me wake up every morning. Well, that and napalm (love the smell). Hit the jump to see the top of the list, which does, in fact, spell 'MARBLECAKE (you don't want to know) ALSO THE GAME'. Coincidence, or Scientology is utter bullshit? You be the judge.

Hit it, anon.

Continue Reading " Hmm: TIME's 2009 Most Influential People "

Apr 28 2009 The 'Spinning From A Drill' World Record

Ever wanted to see some asshat set the world record for number of rotations completed (141) while hanging from a power drill mounted to the ceiling? Me neither. But I did watch it, and now it's your turn. And, if you just so happens you're one of those people that can't watch videos at work, congratulations, today's your lucky day.

Man Makes 141 Rotations Hanging From a Power Drill, Sets Stupid World Record [gizmodo]

Thanks to Eric, who holds the world record for beating up people with stupid world records. Uh-oh, Eric, you may have to punch yourself!

Apr 28 2009 They'll Never Find It!: Powdered Alcohol

I've known about powdered alcohol for a while now because I remember reading an article about powdered wine being available to campers (also great for water into wine tricks!). *HORF* Just kidding, I'd totally drink it. But now it's hitting the mainstream, and soon you'll see powdered alcohol mixes popping up everywhere (read: your teen's bookbag).

No word on price or availability just yet, but rest assured they'll be a ton of companies jumping on the 'sneaking alcohol into church/school' bandwagon. Which, honestly, I've been doing for years. Now I know what you're thinking, "But how, Mr. Geekologie Writer?" And the answer to that, my disciple, is in my stomach. In a tied-off balloon. Next to all the coke.

Product Page
and
Product Page (coming soon)

Thanks to Mars, who once beat the shit out of Mercury for orbiting funny.

Apr 28 2009 Sure, Why Not?: Animal-Shaped Radiators

Guus van Leeuwen's Domestic Animal radiators heat your home without all the shedding and feces associated with keeping a real animal in the house.

[The] radiators are made using between 40 and 60 pieces of steel tubing which are bent using a computer and then welded together by the Eindhoven-based designer. The radiators can then be connected to the heating pipes via the tail. The pelts are real and have been filled with wheat seeds in order to conserve the heat.

Well it's about time! You hear that, Mr. Badger? It's time for you to make like a tree and get out of here. I mean it -- OUT! Oh, being stubborn are we? Fine. *BLAM!* Badger steak for everyone! And, on a 100% completely unrelated note that has absolutely nothing at all to do with sleeping with a badger -- anybody know how to get blood out of bedsheets?

Hit the jump for closeups of the different animals.

Continue Reading " Sure, Why Not?: Animal-Shaped Radiators "

Apr 27 2009 They Were Everywhere!: ESPN Gets Hacked, Konami Coded, Unicorned And Rainbowed

Somebody hacked the ESPN.com site to accept the Konami code (↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A) and then to start adding unicorns and rainbows to the page every time you hit ENTER. I can attest to it working because two tipsters hit me up with the goods before ESPN caught on. Suffice it to say, I unicorned the hell out of that shit and then cooked pork chops on the grill. Unfortunately, when I came back to write this it had already been fixed. So if you're the one that did it, do it again (but not to Geekologie) so everyone can play with it. Then, I want you all to write your congressman about the unicorn olympics and sick that would be.

Hit the jump for another screenshot of the site from a reader who also wanted to display his bacon loving pride.

Continue Reading " They Were Everywhere!: ESPN Gets Hacked, Konami Coded, Unicorned And Rainbowed "

Apr 27 2009 Devil Worshipping Mega Fail: The Satanist Star I Cut Into My Arm

This is definitely NOT how you pledge your allegiance to the dark lord. You show up at the Pit of Eternal Damnation with this thing on your arm and a bunch of imps are just gonna laugh at you and then take turns packing your asshole full of hot charcoals. Just sayin', tsssssssssss.

I Cut the Satan Star Into My Arm! [youthink]

Thanks to Yopoleo, who once beat the devil in a fiddling contest and never received his golden violin prize. I warned you, Yopoleo, you can't trust that horned bastard.

Apr 27 2009 Tracking The Swine Flu With Google Maps

You can now track the swine flu with Google Maps by going HERE. If a marker appears in your town, and you're a chick, take naked pictures of yourself and email them to me for verification I don't care what you do if you're a dude, but no naked pictures, please. Also, I'm a little pissed at whoever started this damn flu pandemic in the first place. I'm looking at you, bacon hater. THE PORK GOD DEMANDS APPEASEMENT!

Google Maps

Thanks to Romeo and Frank B., who would much prefer the chicken pox.

Apr 27 2009 BA-BOOM: This Vase Is The Bomb, Son!

Can you believe that's actually the title I used? Me neither. Maybe I'll come back and change it later (read: I won't). So, A Peaceful Bomb Vase is a flower depository designed by Owen & Cloud to look like a bomb. It's supposed to serve as a statement about how not cool war is (despite what video games may have taught you).

Taiwanese design duo Owen and Cloud designed this piece as a statement against war, and the result is a one of a kind, striking piece.

I hate to break it to you, but that's not one of a kind -- I count like thirty of them. Still, I like. And they do carry a powerful message. One about how beautiful bombs can be. No? Make floral arrangements, not war? Okay, so maybe I don't get it. Fun fact: you could almost write a novella about the things I don't know. Almost.

A Peaceful Bomb Vase [likecool]

Thanks to Spikey DaPikey, who once dropped a bomb so powerful they had to close the bathroom for two whole days.

Apr 27 2009 Scary: These Crazy 'Animal Leg' Extensions

Personally, my regular legs are just fine. They reach the pedals in my car, walk me from said car into seedy strip joints, and kick the living shit out of oak trees. But for some people that's not enough, they want animal-like legs. These people are sickos.

These "digitigrade leg extensions" are the work of Seattle-based sculptor Kim Graham. Essentially a fancy pair of stilts, the legs mimic digitigrades (animals including horses that bear weight on their toes).

The video shows the legs in their natural, metallic finish, as well as dressed up in some fur. Which, I'll admit, was rather disturbing. Throw on a bearskin rug and TA-DA, you're that pedophilic creep Mr. Tumnus from that book about a talking panther in your closet.

Bionic Animal Legs Are Built For Theater and/or Enchanted Woodlands [gizmodo]

Apr 27 2009 I Want Out: Electrocuting Rubber Duckie

Looking for a way out but second guessing your decision to dive into a volcano? Enter the Electric Bath Duck, a suicide assistance device that allegedly works better than a toaster. Thankfully, it's fake. But listen -- I don't want any of you killing yourselves anyways, you hear me? Because then who would read the words I write? Nobody, that's who. My family doesn't even read my diary anymore and I leave it open on the coffee table. So if you are having suicidal thoughts, seek help. And remember folks, I'm here for you. God may have spited me downstairs, but I do have big ears.

Hit the jump for a shot of the back.

Continue Reading " I Want Out: Electrocuting Rubber Duckie "

Apr 27 2009 Real Sugar: Mountain Dew 'Throwback'

Just for the summer (unless they're hugely popular) Pepsi is producing Mountain Dew and Pepsi 'Throwback', which both contain natural sugar instead of that high fructose maize (I'm part Cherokee) syrup bullshit.

The first thing I noticed was how smooth the carbonated soda went down. It's not nearly as harsh as the standard type and I'm sure peeps who aren't avid Mountain Dew drinkers will appreciate the difference.

Also, the aftertaste. It's more natural and clean. Hell, even my burps taste different. I LOVE IT.

Different tasting burps, now that's a selling point. It's like how Maker's Mark makes my vomit taste different. Mmmm. Unfortunately, Dew Throwback contains thrice the Yellow #5 as regular Mountain Dew, so you 'Throwback' fanatics can kiss your penises goodbye.

Review: Mountain Dew Throwback [crunchgear]

Thanks to Octopus Pie, who hates high fructose corn syrup almost as much as low fructose corn syrup.

Apr 27 2009 It's Scientific: Bacon Cures Hangovers

In a study that surprises nobody who's woken up still Tyrannosaurus Wrecked from the night before in a puddle of someone else's urine and eaten the breakfast of gods, scientists have discovered bacon really does cure a hangover.

"Bread is high in carbohydrates and bacon is full of protein, which breaks down into amino acids. Your body needs these amino acids, so eating them will make you feel good."

"Bingeing on alcohol depletes neurotransmitters too, but bacon contains a high level of aminos which tops these up, giving you a clearer head."

Researchers also found a complex chemical interaction in the cooking of bacon produces the winning combination of taste and smell which is almost irresistible.

As a matter of fact, I remember reading somewhere in the Bible that the Apostles would all fry camel (a close relative of the pig, don't bother looking this up) after a night of boozing. So, yeah -- bacon: it's what Jesus would do.

Also, that's me in the picture.

Bacon sandwich really does cure a hangover [telegraph]

Thanks to The Baconator, Kevin, Rick, Cam, Duffman, Jonathan and Barry, who know the best way to cure a hangover is to start drinking again.

Apr 27 2009 Stone Lifting Robot Attacks Factory Worker

A stone lifting robot attacked a factory worker in Sweden, nearly killing him. Are you surprised? You shouldn't be. At least not if you've been reading Geekologie (The Blog of Truth) long enough. Per Google translation:

When the man went into the building he thought that he broke the power of the machine but he had not. Instead, the robot in time and brought formidable force while in the man's head. He managed to defend itself, but received serious injuries on the body.

The man had big turn. He had four broken ribs and was close to delete with, "says Leif Johansson.

Close to delete. That's Google translation talk for mostly dead. Which is Princess Bride talk for about to kick the bucket. Which is an old idiom that means doing it. YOW YOW! Now, who wants to build a sand castle?

Robot assaulted employee [sydsvenskan]

Thanks to Spikey DaPikey, Ulf, Henrik, Jesper, Kelli, Vince, Christopher, Pike, Edward, Karbalo, MoMan, Adrian, Damien and Matt, who were smart enough to write 'no working with robots' clauses into their contracts.

Apr 26 2009 Admit It, Government: Aliens Are Real, Yo

Aliens are real, here on earth, and the U.S. government has the proof to prove it, at least according to Edgar Mitchell, the longest moonwalker (suck it, MJ!), and handsome devil seen in the photo above. This is not the first time Edgar 'Aliens In My Ass' Mitchell has confessed his belief in extraterestrians, or whatever the hell you call them.

"It is now time to put away this embargo of truth about the alien presence," said the astronaut who made the longest moonwalk in history. "I call upon our government to open up ... and become a part of this planetary community that is now trying to take our proper role as a spacefaring civilization."

Asked why there still is no definitive proof, he said: "We have that, it's just that it's been covered up and denied by the powers that be in our own government," adding that "there's a secret government" that may be run by the "military-industrial complex."

Listen, Edgar 'Check Your Feces for Pieces of Antennae' Mitchell -- everyone with half a brain knows there are aliens among us. The problem is, you can't go spitting all that knowledge to the general public without these idiots rushing to the grocery store and buying up all the peanut butter and taping their buttholes closed every night. PEOPLE CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH. Could you imagine what would happen if they found out the president was a robot....
....
.... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

CURL: Astronaut says we're not alone [washingtonpost]

Thanks to Fish Man, who lives underwater and doesn't have to worry about aliens as much because they can't swim.

Apr 26 2009 Princess Leia Pulled Over For Drunk Driving

This picture has absolutely nothing to do with the story besides it's of a bunch of Princess Leias having a pillow fight and God has bestowed me with the power of awesomeness. But no need to thank me folks, I did it for myself. So anyway, Darth Vader's daughter just got pulled over for drunk driving.

Police found the mother-of-two Dodds, 28, dressed in white robes with plaited hair, while her husband was wearing robes. "She was dressed as Princess Leia and her husband as Luke Skywalker and they found it was a bit embarrassing to walk the streets of Murton dressed in their costumes.

When breathalysed she was more than twice over the legal drink driving limit.

Magistrates banned Dodds from driving for 20 months, fined her £255 and ordered her to pay £60 in costs and a £15 victim surcharge.

Dear. Mrs Dodds (aka the woman who likes to get drunk and dress as Princess Leia, aka the woman of my dreams),

Firstly: if you were my girl, you would never have to drive drunk, because I have droids for that shit. Secondly: I can't believe your husband (aka Luke Failwalker) didn't even have the decency to Force choke and/or mind trick the arresting officer. You, princess, are running with the wrong Jedi. Marry Me?

Yours,

Obi Won Geekologie

Woman dressed as Princess Leia of Star Wars stopped for drink driving [telegraph]

Thanks to Ross, who once ran over his neighbor's cat on a speeder bike but it was okay because speeder bikes float.

Apr 26 2009 3...2...1...: Largest Model Rocket Blasts Off

Remember the world's largest model rocket? Yeah, well it blasted off yesterday without a hitch (or Space Bat). This is a picture of the 36-foot tall, 1,600lb beast about to take to the skies. There's a couple more pictures and a video of the launch after the jump, so be sure to check that out. But not my girlfriend, or I'll punch you in the eyes.

Hit the launch button for the rest.

Continue Reading " 3...2...1...: Largest Model Rocket Blasts Off "