Apr 25 2009 Bear Grylls Drinks Elephant Dung Juice

This video is like two years old so if you've seen it, congratulations, free Geekologie bumper sticker. Just leave an 'OLD' and your bank account info in the comments and I'll have it transferred first thing Monday morning. Anyway, did you know that in an emergency situation you can drink the juice out of elephant shit? No, because you'd rather die. And I'd imagine puking afterward would probably end up doing more harm than good. But Bear Grylls is all man. Also, I love how a piece of shit almost falls in his mouth at 0:34, classic.

Youtube

Thanks to Tim, who tried it with baby shit and *HORF*

Apr 25 2009 Red Rover, Red Rover: Glowing Puppies

Created in the same fashion as the glowing kitties we posted way back in December, 2007, scientists have bred transgenic (expressing a gene from another, unrelated organism) puppies that glow red under UV light. I don't want one. Ain't no devil dog livin' in this house!

A team led by Byeong-Chun Lee of Seoul National University in South Korea created the dogs by cloning fibroblast cells that express a red fluorescent gene produced by sea anemones.

Greg Barsh, a geneticist at Stanford University who studies dogs as models of human disease, says creating a transgenic dog is "an important accomplishment", showing that cloning and transgenesis can be applied to a wide range of mammals.

"I do not know of specific situations where the ability to produce transgenic dogs represents an immediate experimental opportunity," Barsh adds. But transgenic dogs will give researchers another potential tool to understand disease.

Eh, I thought it was so you wouldn't kick your dog on the way to the kitchen for a midnight snack. I don't know about this whole disease bit. Which reminds me: any of you good at identifying rashes? I can send pics.

Hit the jump for what the puppies look like when they're not glowing. Except the middle one, the middle one isn't a glower.

Continue Reading " Red Rover, Red Rover: Glowing Puppies "

Apr 25 2009 Hidden Necktie Camera For Corporate Spying

The $66 Necktie Spycam can discreetly record up to 2GB of company secrets in stunning 352 x 288 resolution, and even comes with a wireless remote so you can start and stop the action from your pocket. Unfortunately, I can honestly say there's not a single thing I'd want to secretly record at work. But that's because I sit in a cubicle with The Superficial and IWatchStuff writers for ten hours a day. I mean, we don't even have a good looking secretary. Or an ugly secretary. We steal internet from the company upstairs and pee in the stairwell. We used to have an intern but he quit and filed a harassment lawsuit against The Superficial Writer. Which, I think we can all agree, should be illegal for unpaid employees. Also, he was a little bitch.

Hit the jump for several more spy shots.

Continue Reading " Hidden Necktie Camera For Corporate Spying "

Apr 24 2009 Crossing The Line?: Bacon Flavored Vodka

Ha, what line? Yes, Bakon is bacon flavored vodka. Yes, it's real. Yes, it's only available in Washington, Idaho, Montana and Oregon right now. Yes, I want to try it. Yes, I want to pour it on a stripper. No, I don't want to lick it off.

Hit the jump for recipes and a link to the official site.

Continue Reading " Crossing The Line?: Bacon Flavored Vodka "

Apr 24 2009 Cat Appears Wirelessly Controlled By Printer

This is Molly the cat. Molly the cat appears to be wirelessly controlled by the actions of this home printer. It's a very special connection. Not as special as my printer and I, but that's only because we've been going at it since junior-high. Isn't that right, Inky? Now tone me. Oh yeah, baby. Darker!

Youtube

Thanks to the-iguana, who once shot a man for calling him an anole.

Apr 24 2009 Couple Marries Dressed As Shrek & Fiona

In a story that nearly set my cockles ablaze, an English couple recently got married dressed as Shrek and Princess Fiona. Awwwwwww.

Hospice nurse Christine England, 40, married her fiance Keith, 44, in full costume and make-up in front of 100 guests who were also in fancy dress.

The new Mr and Mrs Green (yes, really), of Barnstaple, Devon, had spent three hours having their make-up done before walking down the aisle.

Christine said: 'The idea just came to me. I knew what we would go as because Keith looks just like Shrek.

Wow, way to kick a man in the balls, Christine. You might as well have gone as Andy Carmichael and asked him to go as Sloth. Goonies FTW! Do you, sir, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? "HEY YOOOU GUUUUUYS!"

Hit the jump for several more of the beautiful couple, the last of which is totally fapable.

Continue Reading " Couple Marries Dressed As Shrek & Fiona "

Apr 24 2009 Sure, Why Not?: The YI Zipper Headphones

Ji Woong designed the YI Zipper Headphones in the form factor of a zipper. They were designed to keep your wires tidy and look cool, but the pull even doubles as a volume controller. So now you finally have an excuse to play with your headphones and make zipper noises. Rub your corduroy pant legs together and clap and TA-DA!: you're a one man band. Unless you're a woman, in which case you and I should make a duet. Then love. Then....me a sandwich. No -- a gyro. :)

Zip it: YI Zipper earphones keep cables zipped up and tidy [dvice]

Thanks to Captain Jonald and Pikksky, who have thankfully never had a ball caught in their zipper. Trust me guys, you don't want to. It feels like a carpenter driving a burning nail into your change purse.

Apr 24 2009 Bra Deflects Bullet, Saves Woman's Life

A Detroit woman's life was saved when a shot fired at her was deflected by the underwire in her bra, leaving her with only minor injuries.

The woman, who lives on the west side of Detroit, had seen the youths breaking into the house next door while her neighbour was away. Police believe one of the gang saw her looking out of the window and fired at her.

The suspects then drove away after the shooting.

Local police Sgt Eren Stephens Bell told the Detroit News: "We need to get some bulletproof vests made from that. It is some strong wire."

Yeah you do, Sergeant. You need bulletproof vests made from the underwire in a 57-year old's bra. Because I'm sure the lingerie company doesn't just buy used coat hangers from the nearest dry cleaner. But they do. That's exactly what they do.

Bullet bounces off US woman's bra [bbcnews]

Thanks to Flash Dave, Chuck Nunchuck, and JMR, who only recommend women wear bras when in fear of being shot.

Apr 24 2009 Robotic Heli-Sniper Is Sadly No ROFLCopter

The army is testing out a new robotic-helicopter mounted sniper rifle for urban warfare because, well, CONSPIRACY! Are you ready for this? Our government is....are you sitting down? Our government is....ROBOTS! AAAAAHH! Did you hear that? I thought I heard something.

It's called the Autonomous Rotorcraft Sniper System. It mounts a powerful rifle onto highly stabilized turret, and fixes the package on board a Vigilante unmanned helicopter.

The system is intended for the urban battlefield -- an eye in the sky that can stare down concrete canyons, and blink out targets with extreme precision. Attempting to return fire against the ARSS is liable to be a near-suicidal act: ARSS is described as being able to fire seven to 10 aimed shots per minute, and it's unlikely to miss.

Thankfully, the system is not autonomous (yet) and relies on a ground-based pilot with AN XBOX 360-LIKE CONTROLLER to maneuver and fire. Haha, and everyone said all those hours headshotting prepubscent boys in Halo wouldn't get you anywhere! *sniff* I'm just so proud, you little army of one, you!

Army Tests Flying Robo-Sniper [wired]

Thanks to Bo, Lethak, WunderKraut, jk and Todd, who, BOOM, headshot!

Apr 24 2009 Modern Samurai Returns With More HI-YA

I'm not sure if you enjoyed the last episode of Isao Machii: Modern Samurai as much as I did, but if you didn't, you should watch it again until you do. Then we can start a book club. But instead of books we'll discuss Youtube videos and drink beer. Plus, if you're a chick, we could make out. Hell, even if you're not but willing to wear a Dilophosaurus costume. Anyway, I'm sure you've just been chilling till the next episode, but chill no longer, because here she blows. The highlights:

0:45: Isao cuts the wick off a burning candle. The GW begins practicing for his next birthday party.
2:30: Isao cuts the skin off a piece of asparagus. My pee smells funny after I eat asparagus.
4:40: Isao slices the tail off an arrow that's been shot at him. I reconsider bringing a bow and arrow to a samurai sword fight.
8:30: Isao cuts a steel plate in half without bending or warping the piece at all. I consider hiring Isao for future construction jobs.

Well folks, there you have it, the latest from a modern Samurai. And now, the latest from a modern Don Juan:

Last night: Woman at the bar rejected all my advances, despite my insistence I could make her internet famous. Went home alone and treated myself to a stranger in the bathtub.

Too romantic?

Youtube

Thanks to Tom and Jason, who can cut through steel with just a glance and have to wear those special shades Cyclops wears. Just kidding, they're fake Oakleys.

Apr 24 2009 Best Business Cards Ever: Meat Cards

Meat Cards are business cards with your info burnt into them using a 150 watt CO2 laser. They are far superior to card stock for obvious reasons (read: meat and lasers).

Screw die-cutting. Forget about foil, popups, or UV spot lamination. THESE business cards have two ingredients: MEAT AND LASERS.

Unlike other business cards, MEAT CARDS will retain value after the econopocalypse. Hoard and barter your calorie-rich, life-sustaining cards.

Mmmm, meat and lasers: definitely two of the finest ingredients on earth. PEW PEW, NOM NOM! Now, blast me in the eye with your laser pointer right as I swallow. What? Don't judge me.

Meatcards

Thanks to Chloe and Julian for eating all my cards. No, really, thanks a lot guys.

Apr 23 2009 Fair Trial Fail: Judge In Pirate Bay Case A Member Of Swedish Copyright Association

So yeah, it turns out the questionably honorable judge (Tomas Norstrom) in the recent Pirate Bay trial is "a member of the Swedish Copyright Association and sits on the board of Swedish Association for the Protection of Industrial Property". How did this even happen? Hint: Swedish Fish. Love those things.

Peter Althin, the lawyer for TPB cofounder Peter Sunde, said he's asking the Swedish appeals court to consider ordering a retrial based on the judge's possible bias, the BBC reports.

"The judge in one of Sweden's most high profile case ever is also a member of an interest organisation for one side and associates with the prosecution trial lawyers in his free time? That is inexcusable corruption.

Wow, I don't even know where to being with -- ORDER IN THE BLOG! ORDER IN THE BLOG! Bailiff, remove this unruly commenter from my blogroom. Then come back and let me touch your gun. Now, where were we? Oh right -- recess. Who's down for hopscotch?!

Pirate Bay judge is member of Copyright Association [zdnet]

Thanks to Matty, who is now welcome to join my pirate crew -- provided he pass the three trials first.

Apr 23 2009 Geographical: The Alphabet Of The World

Rhett Dashwood, a creative director from Melbourne, Australia, searches Google Maps for geographic letters when he's not busy directing creatively. Or playing with one of those swinging metallic ball thingies.

Over the course of several months beginning October 2008 to April 2009 I've spent some of my spare time between commercial projects searching Google Maps hoping to discover land formations or buildings resembling letter forms. These are the results of my findings limited within the state of Victoria, Australia.

As you can see, I used the letters to spell 'GEEKOLOGIE', but you could use them to write a really cool digital ransom note (ALL YOUR INTERNETS ARE BELONG TO ME UNLESS YOU PAY....). And I think it's pretty cool all the letters came from Victoria. I'm gonna see if I can't make a set using my own location! Kidding, I don't have time for that shit.

Hit the jump to see the whole alphabet.

Continue Reading " Geographical: The Alphabet Of The World "

Apr 23 2009 Isn't That Precious?: How To Make A Baby

I have absolutely no idea if this is how you make a baby or not, but if I had to guess, yes, this is definitely how you do it.

How to Make a Baby [otherthings]

Thanks to Steven, who actually thought there was a stork involved. A STORK! Can you believe that?

Apr 23 2009 Baby Shaking App Pulled From iTunes Store

In an unshocking turn of events, Apple has pulled 'Baby Shaker', an iPhone application that allows users to shake a baby until red X's appear over its eyes and it stops crying, from the iTunes store.

Within a day of the game being available for download, childcare organisations had reacted with fury to the game's shocking premise.

An Apple spokesman would not comment on why the program was initially approved for sale nor about how many people downloaded the game. Apple screens every iPhone application and has rejected a number of controversial apps in the past, including one that let iPhone users throw virtual shoes at President Bush.

First of all, shaking babies isn't really funny. And secondly, I'm more than a little pissed that POS application got approved and mine didn't. How the hell does 'Baby Shaker' make it and not, 'The Oregon Happy Trail: An Adventure In My Pants'. What? It was educational! You died of gonorrhea.

Also, I've had several requests for a Geekologie iPhone app. Personally, I view the site in the browser, but hey, if somebody wants to make one, I won't pay you. But I will make you famous. Internet famous.

Video of the 'game' after the jump.

Continue Reading " Baby Shaking App Pulled From iTunes Store "

Apr 23 2009 Giant Spiders Of Death Now Attacking Japan

I wasn't going to post this because we've already seen La Machine's spider in Liverpool, but I've gotten the tip so many times asking why I'm not covering the apocalypse like I should, that I figured I'd go ahead and scare the shit out of you all again. Must be your lucky day. Oh, and now there's two giant robotic spiders of death. Eek!

A pair of giant robotic spiders designed and built by French performance art group La Machine have come to Yokohama to take part in the upcoming Expo Y150, a 5-month festival commemorating the 150th anniversary of the opening of the city's port.

Although the Expo Y150 festivities are not scheduled to officially begin until the end of April, the enormous steampunk spiders could be seen prowling the Yokohama waterfront this weekend.

Great, so the spiders went ahead and got a leg up (or eight!) on the festivities. And by festivities I obviously mean killing everyone and burning Japan to the ground. Oh well, I guess I'll have to postpone my worn panty shopping spree another year. *sigh*

Hit the jump for another shot and video.

Continue Reading " Giant Spiders Of Death Now Attacking Japan "

Apr 23 2009 Uh-Oh: Doctor Claims He Can Clone Humans

Just look at all those cute little babies. Really makes you consider wearing a condom next time, doesn't it? Yeah it does. Anyway, Dr. Panayiotis Zavos, a controversial fertility doctor, claims he's gonna be cloning humans within two years.

[The] doctor has claimed he cloned 14 human embryos and transferred 11 of them into women's wombs. Dr Panayiotis Zavos carried out the work at a secret laboratory thought to be in the Middle East.

"Dr Zavos saw vigorous growth in 30 cell embryos before he transferred them into the womb and that is why he is optimistic that a human clone baby will be born within two years," he said.

"This has reached an advanced stage and is potentially a viable form of infertility treatment."

The article goes on to discuss the ethics of a woman who wants her 10-year old daughter, who died in a car crash, cloned. Which, wow, sounds like the worst idea I've heard all morning. Seriously -- and I had an offer to go play in traffic. No, when it comes to cloning, there's one very simple rule: dinosaurs only.

Could Cloning Bring Dead Girl Back To Life? [skynews]

Thanks to jigga, Thumperchica and Christina, who all want GW clones but I told them no. I've seen Multiplicity! Okay, I haven't -- but I did see the commercial where the dumb one tries to stick pizza in his wallet.

Apr 23 2009 Bacon Gummis Actually Strawberry Flavored

Now why on earth would you make Gummi Bacon strawberry flavored? That's like growing bacon-flavored strawberries. Which....holy shit, my genius amazes even me sometimes. I want our top men on this right away.

Gummy Bacon ($5 for a pack of four) is a great way to scare folks. Here's how: take some out of the package when no one is looking, cover them in plastic wrap, and wait in your office kitchen. Then, when folks come in, take a strip out, lament how you just don't have time to cook it, and then eat it anyways! They will be shocked, and you'll enjoy the nice gummy taste of strawberry - it's a win/win situation.

Well I don't know about all that action, but hey, different strokes for different folks. I just happen to be king of the breast. Stroke AND rub. Ladies?
ThinkGeek Product Page

Thanks to Michael, Julian and John, who prefer their gummi bacon actually bacon flavored. Is that too much to ask? No, no it's not.

Apr 23 2009 Scary: A Childhood Photo From The Future

This is a childhood photo FROM THE FUTURE. Don't ask me how I got it, but suffice it to say I got some wires crossed when I was building my time machine (read: I showed up in 2120 with a trash bag full of dinosaur-sized condoms). Anyway, I brought this back to show you how not cool the future is. You want your kids growing up with robot pals? No, no you don't. And if you do, well, *ffffubt*. Oh that? Nothing -- just a little contraceptive blowdart.

Hit the jump for a worthwhile picture of some African robots.

Continue Reading " Scary: A Childhood Photo From The Future "

Apr 22 2009 Shower Curtain Gets Stabby On H2O Wasters

Elisabeth Beucher's 'Green Warrior Shower Curtains' help control your water consumption by slowly inflating its spikes (via a questionably energy efficient air pump) as you shower. Stay in too long and you get stabbed. Drop the soap and experience prison. While I do find this design admirable, I have an even better way to curtail water wastage: don't pay your gas or electric bill. You'll still have cold water, and cold water, my friends, is the key to shorter showers. Seriously, I'm down to 35 seconds. Haven't seen my balls in weeks!

Happy Earth Day everyone!

in honor of earth day: the shower curtain that impales you [theinteriormind]

Thanks to Travis, who only bathes the way God intended: with a woman to scrub his back.

Apr 22 2009 Music To My Ears: Old Computer Parts Performing Queen's 'Bohemian Rhapsody'

Some guy went and programmed a whole bunch of old computer parts to perform Queen's iconic 'Bohemian Rhapsody'. You just have to see it to believe it. But, you can read this first if you want:

No effects or sampling was used. What you see is what you hear (does that even make sense?)

Atari 800XL was used for the lead piano/organ sound
Texas Instruments TI-99/4a as lead guitar
8 Inch Floppy Disk as Bass
3.5 inch Harddrive as the gong
HP ScanJet 3C was used for all vocals. Please note I had to record the HP scanner 4 seperate times for each voice. I tried to buy 4 HP scanners but for some reason sellers on E-Bay expect you to pay $80-$100, I got mine for $30.

Ha -- and you probably thought your computer was musically inclined. Think again, sucker -- your shit just got Beethoven'ed out of the water! I'm talked like BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM -- BUM-BUM-BUM-BOOOSHED, son!*

*That was Beethoven's 5th for you uncultured bitches.

Youtube

Thanks to meeotch, Jake the Ripper, Tyson and killerabbit, whose computers can't even play video games. Sad shit, guys.

Apr 22 2009 Scientists Find Watery, Earth-Like Planet?

Earth Day Fools! Oh, wait, no. Apparently this is real, and only 20.5 light-years away! Ladies and gentlemen -- start your rocket engines. PSSSSHOOOOOOOOW! PEW PEW.

The Gliese 581 planetary system now has four known planets, with masses of about 1.9 (planet e, left in the foreground), 16 (planet b, nearest to the star), 5 (planet c, center), and 7 Earth-masses (planet d, with the bluish colour).

Michel Mayor, a well-known exoplanet researcher from the Geneva Observatory, announced the find today. The planet, "e," in the famous system Gliese 581, is only about twice the mass of our Earth. The team also refined the orbit of the planet Gliese 581 d, first discovered in 2007, placing it well within the habitable zone, where liquid water oceans could exist.

Planet Gliese 581 d, is that really the best they could do? GIVE IT A REAL DAMN NAME ALREADY. I propose Waterworld. And speaking of which, that was a hell of a movie, was it not? Oh, I'm getting a "no" from The IWatchStuff Writer. But he had gills, man, gills!

Nearly Earth-sized Planet, Possible Watery World Spotted Near Another Star [universetoday]

Thanks to Morgana, who, for an Earth-related tip on Earth Day, wins a free trip to Gliese 581 d, just as soon I finish my rocketship.

Apr 22 2009 Best Nintendo DS Case Ever? Hint: Yes

This is by far the best Nintendo DS case ever crafted. If you can't tell by the censor block I put over the picture, they're boobs. But not just any boobs. Really soft looking ones. I swear, we get a picture of Jessica Chobot licking this and BOOM!: the cover of TIME Magazine. For the next thirty years. Also, peace in the Middle East.

Hit the jump for the uncensored picture.

Continue Reading " Best Nintendo DS Case Ever? Hint: Yes "

Apr 22 2009 Two Pennsylvania Men Set Texting Record

That's right, in a bid to be crowned the world's biggest losers, Nick Andes, 29 and Doug Klinger, 30, sent over 217,000 text messages during the month of March. Also, Nick was mistakenly sent a $27K phone bill (which has since been cleared up) for the textacular achievement. You two must be so proud.

Andes and Klinger were able to set up their phones to send multiple messages. During a February test run they found they could send 6,000 or 7,000 messages on some days, prompting the March messaging marathon.

"Most were either short phrases or one word, 'LOL' or 'Hello,' things like that, with tons and tons of repeats," said Andes, reached by phone.

Andes sent more than 140,000 messages, and Klinger sent more than 70,000 to end the month with a total of just over 217,000, he said.

Wow, that has got to be one of the saddest things I've ever copy/pasted. And this is coming from a guy who copy/pasted a picture of a smushed cat all around town to encourage people to drive slower. So yeah, I'm the authority. Now -- up against the wall and spread em! Wider. Haha, you ripped your pants.

Record attempt reaps 217K texts, $26K phone bill [myway]

Thanks to Thumperchica, who agrees some records are best left unbroken.

Apr 22 2009 What The?: Questionable Sub Commercial

I love Quiznos. Or, I should say, I loved Quiznos before I found out their ovens encourage employees to have sex with them. I mean, WTF? This isn't how you sell delicious, oven-baked subs, this is how you....damnit, now I want Quiznos.

Youtube

Thanks to Jordan and Reiko, who have never gone anywhere near a toaster with their junk exposed. Or so they say.

Apr 22 2009 How To Pick Up Men: Nintendo In A Purse

Let's face it, there are few things in the world men respond more to than boobs. And fast cars. And vaginas. And beer. And fireworks. And dinosaurs. And guns. And meat. And meat guns. And sports. And power tool guns. Oh, and video games. So if you're a lady looking to score some attention from the lesser sex, but aren't ready to go topless (I urge you to reconsider), you may want to mod yourself a Nintendo purse.

Thanks to modder Jeri Ellsworth's creation, nerds everywhere finally understand the purpose of the purse. Hers has a built-in LCD and two velcro-on NES controllers for some on-the-go Super Mario Bros.

The guts of the purse are made from one of those system-on-a-chip deals that modders worldwide are so fond of, and the screen is just taken from a portable DVD player.

The system also has a Commodore 64 on a chip and some other basic computing capabilities. Which....is that Joust? ZOMG, Jeri, tell me you're in the DC area -- I'll meet you out for a drink! And not just to steal your purse. Okay, to steal your purse. Don't hate -- I look good with a manbag!

Video demo of the purse after the jump.i

Continue Reading " How To Pick Up Men: Nintendo In A Purse "

Apr 22 2009 Pet Cosplay Festival In Rio de Janeiro

Live near Rio de Janeiro (Brazil)? Do you like pets? Do you like pets dressed up as characters from comic books, video games, movies and cartoons? If so, you're in luck -- there's a pet cosplay festival this Sunday, April 26th! Per the Bablefishily translated page:

The event starts to the 9 Hours and is especially come back advantages fans of livens up and cachorros. E since the 20 better fancies will be awardees, capriche creativity. Valley everything: of Wolverine and Super Man, until Torch Human being (Or Canine Torch).

Beyond everything, if you to want to adopt one cãozinho, Ong ANIDA, through the campaign "Devoid Snout", will go to adopt and to receive donations for the abandoned animals from the city, of which it takes care of.

Sounds like a good time. And for a good cause too. So if you're in the area feel free to check it out and take some pictures. If they're not too blurry (and, quite frankly, even if they are) I'll post them so everyone can 'ooooh' and 'awwwwh' and 'that's so cruel' in harmony. Then we'll record an album and make millions.

Pet Cosplay, Rio de Janeiro [combustao]

Thanks to loyal Brazilian tipster Romeo, who may or may not attend the festival depending on whether his dog is out fighting crime that morning or not.

Apr 21 2009 Cocktails For The Trekkie Boozehound

Let's face it, even Trekkies like to get all crunk on spacejuice and get into Vulcan Death Grip fights at the bar. Completely understandable. These are only two of ten Star Trek inspired cocktails, so be sure to hit the jump to see eight more. Then make one. However, I was a little sad to see there was no Red Shot (with significantly increased chance of death). Or Khaaaaanikazi. Or 3 Buttery Nipples.

Also, you show me a bar that actually keeps figs in stock and I'll show you a guy whoring himself out for drinks. Ha, or you can tell The Superficial Writer yourself, whatever.

Hit the jump for the rest. You'd howl too if your figs were frozen. Anybody?

Continue Reading " Cocktails For The Trekkie Boozehound "

Apr 21 2009 Jones Is Back With An Even Better Business

Remember Toby Jones of Jones' Big Ass Truck Rental & Storage? Well he's back with another genius business idea, this time in the form of Jones' Good Ass BBQ & Foot Massage. As you can see from the video, they even have fried dinosaur. Which, at least in my opinion, is just plain wrong. I'm no black widow!

Jones' Good Ass BBQ And Foot Massage [jonesbigasstruckrentalandstorage]

Thanks to my brother SuperFrank, who almost burnt the house down trying to fry a porkchop sandwich. My God did that smell good.

Apr 21 2009 Man Wants Camera Installed In Prosthetic Eye, Temporarily Settles For Terminator Eye

Rob Spence has had eye problems since a shooting accident at 13. Now 36, Rob had the eye removed three years ago and decided he wants a video camera in it's place. Only problem: getting a video camera in its place.

Thus far, they've built devices that create wireless NTSC signals--the sort of standard wireless signal a television uses--and are now working on getting this to work in sync with a miniature camera and a battery, all attached to a printed circuit board, all of which has to fit inside a prosthetic eye.

So in the meantime Rob sports the Terminator eye to drum up interest in the project and try to score some funding. Good luck, Rob. And by good luck I mean I won't hesitate to go John Connor on that ass if I have to.

Hit the jump for one more shot and a link to the superlong article.

Continue Reading " Man Wants Camera Installed In Prosthetic Eye, Temporarily Settles For Terminator Eye "

Apr 21 2009 Whee: Getting High With The God Of Thunder

A day late (the story of my life), comes an animated gif of Thor getting all high on some beaster-looking weed. It's all good too, since, as you may recall from your Germanic mythology course in college, Thor is Canadian. *thunder rumbling* Eh?

Thanks to Alex, who once got high with Poseidon in an octopus' garden in the shade. Cool.

Apr 21 2009 Boston Dynamics: Possibly My Biggest Enemy

Boston Dynamics, purveyor of such hellhounds of the robot apocalypse as BigDog, LittleDog, and BullDog, are back at it, this time at the opposite end of the spectrum: robotic bugs called Squishbots.

SquishBot is a program to develop a new class of soft, shape-changing robot. The goal is to design systems that can transform themselves from hard to soft and from soft to hard, upon command. Another goal is to create systems that change their critical dimensions by large amounts, as much as 10x. Such robots will be like soft animals that can squeeze themselves through small openings and into tight places.

Okay, I want to see a show of hands of who's cool with a robotic centipede burrowing in their ass. Now, everyone look around the room. You see the people with their hands raised? Perverts. The worst kind too: roboboners.

Terrifying robot image of the day: Boston Dynamics' SquishBot [bbgadgets]

Thanks to Greg, who once found a robotic silverfish trying to climb into his ear at night so it could read his mind. Thankfully, Greg huffs Raid and had a can by the bed.

Apr 21 2009 Not As Cool As Geekologie, But Nakeder

Geckology. Not exactly Geekologie, but hey, there's some side-boob action so I'll take it. And for those of you who care, this particular specimen happens to be a Tokay gecko (Gekko gecko), the second largest of the gecko species. He is NOT to be confused with that little wanker from the Geico commercials, who is obviously some form of day gecko. Just sayin', I used to study herpetology. Now, which one of you is brave enough to hold my pocket snake? He doesn't bite, but I may have lined my pocket with Super Glue.

Uncensored (and only slightly NSFW) picture after the jump.

Continue Reading " Not As Cool As Geekologie, But Nakeder "

Apr 21 2009 How To Mount A Tire Using Starter Fluid

This isn't a new concept so you may have already seen it done. And if you have, congratulations, you just won a Geekologie t-shirt. Just leave an 'OLD!' message and your home address in the comments and I'll open a checking account in your name get that right out. For the rest of you, this a video showing how to mount a tire on a rim using starter fluid. And according to my calculations, it has the perfect fire:danger ratio to make it worth trying yourself. But remember: there's no such thing as too much lighter fluid. Or, place like home. *click click click* Wow, forgot how much I hate it here.

Flickr (different video)
and
Youtube

Thanks to Michael, who once rotated Optimus Prime's tires in exchange for a ride.

Apr 21 2009 I Want To Eat You: Cupcake Hamburgers

Somebody went and made a batch of cupcakes that look like hamburgers. I think their maker did a great job, don't you? Because you'll be meeting yours if you disagree. Yeah, that was a threat. No, not a treat, a threat. I'll kill you, yo. I mean it.

These are vanilla cupcakes with a chocolate cuppie in between, green coconut for the lettuce and frosting for the mustard and ketchup. Yum!

Mmmm, cupcake sliders. Everyone here does know what a slider is right? It's a mini-burger. Yeah, they're called sliders because they're small enough to slide down your gullet without much chewing. Not unlike myself. Which....did you just hear that? It sounded like ten thousand women and a handful of gay men fainting simultaneously.

Hamburger Cupcakes [plime]

Thanks to Juste, who once ate 37 White Castle sliders and then projectile vomited for four minutes straight. Gross.

Apr 20 2009 Wine Glass Features Convenient Reservoir

I know what you're thinking, "holy shit, that glass has a tumor!", and you're right, it kind of does. The Glass Tank is a conceptual wine receptacle that keeps your glass topped off at a constant level. That way you get drunk with while you're, you know, I've been drinking. Now I know -- 4.20's supposed to be about smoking, but, and it might just be the booze talking -- but I love booze. Also, this is a stupid idea. I already have a wine glass with built in receptacle -- it's called the box. Or, if I feel like being Mr. Fancy Pants, the bottle. Class: you can't spell Geekologie Writer without it.

Hit the jump for one more shot of how it works (air replaces wine in reservoir as you drink).

Continue Reading " Wine Glass Features Convenient Reservoir "

Apr 20 2009 Japanese Man Builds Giant Robotic Beetle

Why? I don't know why. Why do people build any kind of robot? Exactly, because they're stupid idiots.

Designed and built by an Ibaraki man in his garage over the course of eleven years, the "Kabutom MX-03″ looks like a prop from a Power Rangers spin-off but is an actual working vehicle.

Shaped like a kabuto-mushi (rhinocerous beetle, a favorite design of Japanese toymakers and, uh, candymakers), it can be remote controlled or piloted from the cockpit (visible on the left side), and is capable of carrying passengers inside its shell.

First of all, eleven years? Some poor bastard pissed away more than a decade building what I'm going to destroy in an alcohol-fueled afternoon? That's almost enough to bring a tear to my eye. Almost, but not really because 1. we don't grieve for robot sympathizers and 2. I don't cry anyways (aliens stole my tear ducts). Also, who the hell is gonna crawl into a giant robotic beetle's shell? That's like asking someone to jump into a volcano, but far less like a giant hot tub.

Also, I apologize to anyone who watched the whole video. I meant to tell you to just skip around earlier.

Youtube
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Giant Japanese beetle robot [japanprobe]

Thanks to Ross, Shelley, NuffSaid, bum master and Matt, all of whom would crush that thing like a bug. You know, if they were 50-feet tall. But they're not, so we're going with napalm.

Apr 20 2009 Largest Model Rocket Ready For Blast Off

I did absolutely zero research to determine if this 36-foot tall, 1,600lb model rocket built by Steve Eves is, in fact, the largest ever, but that's only because I've already won numerous prizes for investigative journalism and figured I'd give somebody else a chance. I jest -- I'm just stoned to bejesus.

The mini-Saturn V is powered by nine rocket motors including 8 13,000ns N-Class motors and a single 77,000ns P-Class motor.

The single stage flight should reach an altitude somewhere between 3,000 and 4,000 feet, and at apogee the rocket will separate into three parts and return to Earth via the assistance of various parachutes. In the end Eves estimates he's invested about 1,500 hours into the project with a total budget of around $25,000, though that will actually be covered by various sponsors come the April 25th launch event.

Nice. Reminds me of the time at Space Camp we built model rockets and launched them off with crickets as payload. I remember my cricket (Chirpy McHandicapped) only had one back leg. Well, before liftoff. After liftoff he had one back leg on fire. R.I.P. Chirpy, say hi to Space Bat for me.

Largest Model Rocket In History Is 36 Feet Tall, Weighs Over 1,600 Pounds [ohgizmo]

Thanks to Stephen, who once put a rocket's fin on crooked and the rocket went all crazy like PPSSSSHOOWWOWOWOWWOWWSSSSSSSS *pop*

Apr 20 2009 Stephen Hawking Battling Infection, 'Very Ill'

Stephen Hawking, genius extraordinaire and a personal hero of mine (I heard he once piloted his wheelchair through a blackhole unscathed), has been hospitalized and is reportedly "very ill".

[Cambridge University] said Hawking has been fighting a chest infection for several weeks, and was being treated at Addenbrooke's Hospital in Cambridge, the university city north of London.

"Professor Hawking is very ill," said Gregory Hayman, the university's head of communications. "He is undergoing tests. He has been unwell for a couple of weeks."

Geekologie wishes Stephen a speedy recovery. No, a lightspeedy recovery. Get well soon, Dr. Hawking.

Stephen Hawking hospitalized, reported very ill [yahoonews]

Apr 20 2009 Matthew Perry Seeks Medical Attention After Injuring Hands Playing Video Games

Matthew Perry, with nothing to do since Friends went off the air like twenty years ago, has taken to playing video games. Like an addict. Seen here about to take his first hit with Snoop Dogg, Matthew has a serious gaming problem. So serious he had to seek medical attention after damaging his hands.

The actor admits he spends days on end glued to the screen playing war games on his XBox, ruining the muscles and tendons in his hand.

Perry says, "I play a lot of video games a lot of XBox 360. I played Fall Out 3 so often I had to go to a hand doctor. I used my hand too much and had to get injections in it."

Nice try, Mr. Perry, but I suspect the real culprit here is a little thing I like to call chronic masturbation. Been watching a few too many Friends reruns, have we?

Perry's videogame-mangled hand [yahoonews]

Thanks to Edd, who particularly likes the episodes where you can see Rachel's nipples through her shirt (read: all of them).

Apr 20 2009 Sure, Why Not: The NOM NOM NOM Song

Well folks, it's 4.20, and if I was still in college right now I'd be rolling a four-paper dank-blunt and skipping all my classes. But I'm not -- I'm at work -- so I'm smoking swag in the janitor's closet and blowing through a spoof. It's pathetic. Not unlike this video, which, whether you're high or not, will make you want to gouge your eardrums out. Consider it my little gift to you on this, the greenest of holidays. Haha -- suck it, Arbor Day!

NOM NOM NOM Song [collegehumor]

Thanks to Johnathan, who once smoked a whole O of that presidential in a day and then realized he just smoked $350 of weed in one day.

Apr 20 2009 HOLY NOMs!: Jesus Appears In Kit Kat Bar

On Good Friday (OLD, LATE, BLOW ME GW!) Jesus revealed himself in the form of a half-eaten Kit Kat bar. Because, well, the son of God hates Twix. As you can see in those deliciously crispy layers, the Lord's face looks eerily similar to that on the shroud of Turin (Sunday school, son, TA-DOW!). However, the divine bar is not without it's hell-burning naysayers.

Other witnesses were less impressed. "It looks more like Darth Vader," said one.

Really -- Darth Vader? Now why on earth would Darth Vader appear in a damn Kit Kat bar? The man only likes dark chocolate. Get it, because of The Dark Side? I don't either. No, you're the Nutter Butter!

Sweet Jesus, his face is in a choc [thesun]

Thanks to Richie-Con-Carne and ash, who both agree they should replace communion wafers with Kit Kats.

Apr 20 2009 Awesome: Dog Named Link Dressed As Link

Loyal Geekologie Reader Natalia sent me pictures of her dog, Link, dressed as our favorite video game adventurer of the same name. As you can see, his costume is complete with classic green tunic, sword and shield. And that, my friends, is awesome. So awesome, in fact, I've been inspired to rename my dog Zelda and make her a dress.

UPDATE: BAD IDEA -- BAD IDEA!

Hit the jump for two more.

Continue Reading " Awesome: Dog Named Link Dressed As Link "

Apr 19 2009 Robotic Penguins Attack From Sea AND Sky

Festo, a company that doesn't give two shits whether we all die at the hands of robots, is back on their robotic animal kick, this time with robo-penguins. Yeah, and to make matters worsethe tuxedoed bastards can now attack from both sea AND sky. You only need to watch the first 2:00 of the video to see the penguins, then it goes on to showcase a robotic hand and robotic wall. Yeah, you heard me, a robotic wall. I've heard of some pretty sick things in my day, but that might just take the cake. And speaking of which -- which one of you jerkbags ate the last piece?

If embedded player goes down go HERE to watch the video.

Thanks to Dylan, Azghul and nerdilicious, who all wear robot-penguin coats because they're classy.

Apr 19 2009 Fail: How Not To Get Your Wife Pregnant

I'm filing this one under awesome. Awesomely sad. Some guy paid his neighbor $2,500 to have sex with his wife 72 times in an attempt to get her pregnant. But it didn't work! Read the whole article to find out what happened, and trust me -- it'll make you feel good about your own life. Unless your kids look suspiciously like the Fed-Ex guy, in which case, hey, I'm sure it's just coincidence. BWAH AHHAHAHA! Coincidence. BWAHAHAHA!

Paid to do it 72 times [just-whatever]

Thanks to Josh, who once got an entire women's swim team pregnant just by tipping his toe in the pool.

Apr 19 2009 Smart Thinking: The Daylight Saving Clock

Denis Guidon's 'Ora ilLegale' clock makes switching between daylight saving time and regular time easy -- you just tilt the timepiece back and forth on its two bases. Pretty clever. Although, personally, I don't keep clocks around the house because I don't adhere to a regular schedule. No, I like to live life on my OWN time. And speaking of which, Friday, time to get drunk! Ha -- what do you mean it's Sunday?

Tipping clock simplifies all of that spring forward, fall back stuff [dvice]

Thanks to Elise, who really makes me work for my tips.