Apr 11 2009 Shhhh, Don't Tell Her: A Diamond Tester

If you're anything like me, you probably saved yourself a couple grand by going with a piece of windshield glass instead of an actual diamond in your fiance's engagement ring. Just kidding, I'm not really engaged. But I would consider safety glass as a diamond alternative depending on my fiance's vision. Unfortunately, now there's an easy to use diamond-tester on the market to foil my plans. The $200 device quickly determines whether a diamond is the real deal or Moissanite (silicon carbide). That's okay though, we still have options: namely, rewiring the device to always answer diamond to moissanite. Now, which one of you lovely ladies wants to be my bride? Diamonds everyday!

Determine if your diamond is synthetic or real in 1.5 seconds [dvice]

Apr 11 2009 Robot Suit Going Into Production For $4,200

Well folks, it's happening. The HAL (Hybrid Assistive Limb) robot suit is going into mass production and will be available in Japan sometime soon for around $4,200.

This is great news for HAL's target market: Its ability to grant its wearer tenfold strength increases during specific actions could change the lives of people with degenerative muscle diseases, or accident victims who would otherwise need long, difficult rehabilitative therapy to regain basic mobility. And with a five-hour battery life, it could be quite practical for day to day use.

Thanks, but no thanks. I don't care if I was just a head, I would never ask a robot for help. But that's just me and my genius brain talking. I'm sure there are a lot of people out there who would gladly use a HAL suit to better their quality of life. And those people -- those people are the enemy.

Video after the jump, just for the HAL of it.

Continue Reading " Robot Suit Going Into Production For $4,200 "

Apr 10 2009 Woman Tries To Break Up Sword Fight, Dies

In the latest of a string of sword attacks, a woman tried to break up her husband and grandson involved in a serious swordfight, and ended up getting stabbed and killed. And that, my friends, is why you always bring a gun to a swordfight.

The fight was reported about 1 a.m. today. Rondeau (39) and Adolf Stegbauer, 69, both of Indianapolis, were "actively involved in a sword fight," IMPD spokesman Sgt. Matt Mount said in a statement. One man used what police described as a World War II Japanese officer's sword and another had a thin blade sword, although investigators were not immediately certain which weapon was used by which man.

Preliminary reports from police said that Franziska Stegbauer, 77, Indianapolis, tried to break up the fight and was fatally stabbed. Police found all three victims inside the residence on Raceway Road when they arrived early this morning.

Police said Rondeau was Franziska Stegbauer's grandson.

Well Happy Easter to you too! Thankfully, tipster Chuck Nunchuck was kind enough to create a graphic of what the confrontation obviously looked like, so that was nice. Good lookin', Chuck, but it could have used some more PEW PEW. Love that stuff.

Woman dies after intervening in sword fight [indystar]

Thanks to Chuck Nunchuck, twice as deadly as that sissy-boy Chuck Norris.

Apr 10 2009 Mmmm: 1-UP Mushroom Birthday Cupcakes

Loyal Geekologie Reader Katie made her Mario-loving boyfriend 1-UP cupcakes for his 24th birthday. And as you can see, they have eyes. Ha -- up a little. See, eyes. BOOM SHACKA LACKA!

Hit the jump for a whole bunch more.

Continue Reading " Mmmm: 1-UP Mushroom Birthday Cupcakes "

Apr 10 2009 ShamWow Sells Like Hot Cakes Bluth Corn Baller In Spanish Speaking Countries

This is Vince "Punchahook" Shlomi selling ShamWows in Spanish. And yes, it's every bit as "I want to beat him till he bleeds" as it sounds. Even worse. I actually put my monitor in a choke-hold just watching it. Now tap out or you're dead. I mean it!

Vince Tries To Sell ShamWow In Spanish [consumerist]

Apr 10 2009 +10 HP: D&D Dungeon Master Cake

D&D co-creator Dave Arneson passed away earlier this week, and, in his honor, I'm posting a cake. This particular Dungeons & Dragons themed treat was made for a Dungeon Master operating in the Philadelphia area.

In honor of his birthday, Katie Lanciano, on of the the players in his game made him this out of control cake. The 3D DM is a fairly accurate cake effigy of my brother in a 1st Edition style D and D robe. There are marzipan characters to represent all the players in the campaign. The bard is playing a fiddle! There is a marzipan owl/familiar, the symbol of Boccob on the side, and a perfectly accurate DM's guide. Plus an apple of discord. Wow.

Impressive. And based on a quick calculation, I estimate the cake provides approximately +10 HP per slice. But sadly, also +15 runs and -5 TP. Um, WORTH IT!

Hit the jump for a couple more and the link to the whole gallery.

Continue Reading " +10 HP: D&D Dungeon Master Cake "

Apr 10 2009 Ashley, This Is Joseph, Will You Marry Me?

Ashley, Joseph wants you to marry him. And I trust Joseph's judgment since you're the one that introduced him to Geekologie in the first place. Plus, I'll vouch for him too since he did send me a news tip once and I used it. Obviously you both have great taste. In addition, you two make a very beautiful looking couple. And that's not just the awesome king's throne you're sitting on talking! But if it could, it would say "Geekologie Writer, sit thine rear upon my seat and dine on this most delicious turkey leg". And there would be mead, and I would drink it out of a jeweled goblet. *sniff* I told myself I wouldn't cry.

Ashely and Joseph met during a school musical in 2004 and have been going steady ever since. For their first date they went to see Passion of The Christ, which is arguably the world's greatest date movie. Joseph wailed like a baby.

So, as you two go forth and continue to nourish each other in mind, body and spirit, remember: a couple that Geekologie's together, is really sick has a strong foundation and great sense of humor.

In all seriousness though, I wish you two the best.

So, Ashley, will you marry Joseph?

Apr 10 2009 Anything Can Happen: Stripper Turns Nun

Anna Nobili is a 38-year old stripper veteran who has been dancing the lap for 20 years all across Europe. But not anymore! She has seen the light, and now only dances for Jesus. I'd tithe her.

Sister Anna, originally from Milan, says she was 'inspired' during a visit to the shrine of St Francis in Assisi. Deciding she wanted more out of life, Miss Nobili has joined the the order of the Sister Workers of the Holy House of Nazareth.

"I was throwing away my life dancing for men. I was being used as a drug by people who wanted to see me dance."

Next week she will be in Rome to perform a ballet called Holy Dance, dedicated to episodes from the Bible, for senior cardinals and bishops.

I apologize if you already watched the video, I meant to warn you it makes no sense, features no quality strip-club action, and only briefly shows Anna doing her new dance for God (around 2:45). The rest is an interview in Italian that I couldn't understand. Still, for 38, she's not the worst looking stripper I've ever seen. Fun fact: they let the dancers perform pregnant in West Virginia. It's true. And I can say that because I was born there. THAT'S RIGHT, I'M WILD AND WONDERFUL, BITCHES, WHAT?!

Sister Anna dances for God after 20 years as a lapdancer [couriermail]

Thanks to Julian, who allegedly saw an arm pop out during a lap dance and *HORF HORF HORF HORF HORF* I can't believe I just wrote that.

Apr 10 2009 BA-BOOSH!: More Volcano Lightning Action

I don't actually know if that's the sound volcano lightning makes, but for the sake of my journalistic integrity, let's run with it.

When Alaska's Mount Redoubt volcano began rumbling back to life in January, a team of researchers scrambled to set up a system called a Lightning Mapping Array that would be able to peer through the dust and gas of any eruption that occurred to the lightning storm happening within. Lightning is known to flash in the tumultuous clouds belched out during volcanic eruptions.

The lightning produced when Redoubt finally erupted on March 22 was "prolific," said physicist Paul Krehbiel of New Mexico Tech.

Cool. Not as dramatic as last year's Chaitén volcano eruption, but this one does have a smiley face in the lightning. Can you see it? It's there on the right. Kind of looks like a giant monkey head....
....
....
THEY'VE FOUND MONKEY ISLAND!

Dramatic Image Shows Volcano's Lightning [livescience]

Thanks to Watch, who once punched a cloud in the face and made it cry rain. True story.

Apr 10 2009 Mmmm, Brain-y: A Darth Vader Coffee Mug

I'm sure this isn't the first Darth Vader coffee mug, but it is the first I've seen with a removable cap that keeps your morning cocktail hidden from the prying eyes and noses of non-alcoholic coworkers.

Let Darth Vader watch over your coffee as you drink deeply from the dark side with the Dark Lord of the Sith! This attractive (and oh-so-shiny) black ceramic mug holds 24-ounces of your favorite beverage, but what's really special is that it features a removable helmet that keeps your drink from getting cold too quickly. Vader will use the Force to guard and keep it at the proper temperature.

The mug costs $17 and could only be cooler if it had a misshapen ceramic head inside that was slowly revealed as you drink your morning apéritif. And speaking of which -- I think the secretary is on to me. God, mind your own business, sugartits!

Product Site

Thanks to Don Chi Chi's, who once drank jungle juice out of Vader's real helmet at a party and then threw up.

Apr 9 2009 Now That's What I Call Class: The Gold Mouse

The Gold Bullion Wireless Mouse (not to be confused the the piratey USB hub) is actually plastic. Which is why it costs $35 and not $35 gajillion. To its credit though, it does have a scroll wheel. But still, why anybody would actually pay for this garish piece of bullionshit (count it) is beyond me. That said, I bought one as a gag gift for The Superficial Writer. He loves this kind of crap. And also, American Idol.

UPDATE 1 YEAR LATER: ZOMG, The Superficial Writer left a gold brick on his desk -- I'm gonna be rich!

Gold Bullion Wireless Mouse only looks like a million bucks [engadget]

Thanks to Julian and Oscar The Slouch, who are far too classy for those tuxedo-print t-shirts. Right guys? Right?

Apr 9 2009 ILVTOFU Is An Unacceptable License Plate

Kelly Coffman-Lee is a fairly attractive 38-year old vegan who wanted to share her love of soy with the world through a custom license plate. Unfortunately, she was denied 'ILVTOFU' because of the double ententre. Which is pretty pathetic considering I just heard that steaming pile of shit Britney Spears song on the radio today. I demand justice! And also, 'ILVVGNA'.

'Tofu' License Plate Deemed X-Rated [aolnews]

Thanks to e. and Pat, who love bean curd as much as the next person, which isn't much. Edamame though, mmmm!

Apr 9 2009 Dungeons & Dragons Co-Creater Passes Away

Dave Arneson, co-creator of Dungeons & Dragons (along with Gary Gygax), passed away Tuesday after battling cancer (sadly, something you can't defeat by rolling a die). He was 61.

Arneson was a driving force behind D&D's creation and his contribution to the world of adventure gaming should not be underestimated. It was Arneson's spark that transformed Gygax's game Chainmail into the first edition of D&D, and begat everything that followed.

Arneson had to fight to get credit for his contributions, filing multiple lawsuits (later resolved out-of-court) against Gygax over crediting and royalties. He nonetheless did return to TSR in the mid-'80s to work with Gygax again. Following that, he began a second career as an educator, working in several schools with a particular focus on how to use gaming as an instructional tool.

You will be missed, Dave. *pouring out a little D20* Save a dragon for me.

R.I.P. Dungeons & Dragons Co-Creator Dave Arneson, 1947-2009 [wired]

Thanks to JMR, who once rolled snake-eyes on two D20's like five times in a row.

Apr 9 2009 Realistic (And Super Creepy) Mario Bros. Shirt

This is a super creepy looking Mario Bros. t-shirt that costs $20. You know, I'm really torn because I'm not particularly into this style of art, but I do love dinosaurs. Rock *me* hard place. And I do mean hard. Who knew Yoshi could be so sexy?

A: Me. September 1991, Super Mario World. First boner, age 10.

Hyper-real Mario, Luigi on Nightmarish Shirt [militantgeek]

Thanks to Jizzle, who tried to convince me he's ridden a dinosaur before but I could tell he was just trying to make jealous.

Apr 9 2009 Eva? No, A WALL-E Computer Case Mod

We've already seen Gamecube WALL-E, LEGO WALL-E, paper WALL-E, and wooden WALL-E, so it was only a matter of time before somebody went and case-modded the handsome little devil.

This project took 18 days from this Russian guy to accomplish. It all has began after he has watched that cartoon. An idea sparked thru his head "I want to build such thing to hold my computer stuff in it". A solid-metal Wall-E computer case, each detail carefully cut from the metal sheets processed and put in place.

Nice. I posted a couple more pictures of the finished product after the jump, but if you hit the link you'll be magically transported (thank you, internet!) to the build page with like a hundred billion-zillion incredibly slow-loading pictures of all the milling and metalwork that went into the thing. And speaking of things going into things....WALL-E was a trash compactor. I AM THE TIE-IN KING!

Hit the jump for a bunch more of the cuteness.

Continue Reading " Eva? No, A WALL-E Computer Case Mod "

Apr 9 2009 Bumptop: Your Own Personal 3D Desktop

Bumptop (which has been in the works for awhile) is a program that makes your desktop appear 3D and much more customizable and manipulable so you can resize icons according to importance and post stuff on the walls and all around have a jolly ol' time not being productive. It's a free download (for light, $29 for full), so go grab it and then show it off to your office-mates. Yell things like "BOO-YA!" and "FINGERBANGARANG!" while showcasing its features to let them know how superior your desktop is to theirs. But, if they're anything like me, they may tell you your desktop sucks and that their desktop is 4-D. At this point, you'll go back and forth 1-upping each other with ridiculous claims of 5-D and 20-D desktops, until one of you says theirs is actually Infinity-D . Then they other (you want this to be you) will insist they have an Infinity+1-D desktop, and that person will win.

Hit the jump for a video explaining all the fun to be had.

Continue Reading " Bumptop: Your Own Personal 3D Desktop "

Apr 9 2009 Two Chicks In A Bar Having A Lightsaber Fight

NOTE: VIDEO IS SLIGHTLY NSFW DUE TO UNDERWEAR.

This is a fake commercial for men's body spray that features two chicks having a lightsaber battle over some tainty dude that smells good. SPOILER: they cut each other's clothes off, making it the best commercial for a fake product EVER. I just ordered like a million cases. Or, I dunno, left my credit card number as a Youtube comment.

Youtube

Thanks to Dustin, Dallas and CJ, who once saw two chicks have a lightsaber duel while Jello wresting. I know, I should write erotic fiction.

Apr 9 2009 Time Appropriate: A Gallery Of Last Suppers

Just in time for Easter comes a gallery of last suppers, many of which with a geek twist to them. I posted a few of my favorites after the jump (including Popeye and Battlestar Galactica) but Popped Culture has 101 of them, so be sure to hit their link and see them all (in HQ to boot). And, speaking of last suppers: a small salad and two pieces of reheated pizza. Ha, I kid: two fifths of gin and a whole bear steak. Raw. It's an aphrodisiac you know. Like tiger penis, but boneless.

PUSH HIT IT REAL GOOD FOR THE REST.

Continue Reading " Time Appropriate: A Gallery Of Last Suppers "

Apr 8 2009 Yay!: Juice Boxes That Look Like The Fruit

What if juice boxes actually looked like the fruit that was inside? Then they would look like this! And, also, be more expensive. Yay!

Created by Japanese industrial designer Naoto Fukasawa, the juice box's packaging is supposed to be more appealing to the eye by imitating the actual fruit they contain. As Naoto puts it; "I imagined that if the surface of the package imitated the colour and texture of the fruit skin, then the object would reproduce the feeling of the real skin."

I love it. As you can see, that's what banana, strawberry, and shaven bull testicle boxes would look like there. Next up, milk. YOW YOW! Oh, wait -- breast milk. Juice me, baby.

Juice Boxes With Realistic Fruit Skin Textures [ohgizmo]

Apr 8 2009 Sexy Pirate Statue Angers Townspeople

Several people in the town of Girardville, Pennsylvania are upset over a busty pirate statue whose magical treasure chest (ZING!) draws scalawags into a local antique store. Amongst the town's most outspoken opponents of the statue is local Roman Catholic Priest, Edward Commolly.

"I believe that it's indecent. I guess it would be categorized as soft porn. If there is a definition of that, I would call it soft porn," said Father Edward Commolly.

Sorry, Father, but the definition of soft porn is the dryhumping you see on Cinemax. This is pure class.

"I think it's art. I don't see nothing wrong with that," said Randy Smith of Girardville.

"I think there is worse on television, to tell you the truth. If they want to do anything they shouldn't worry about a statue, they should start on television," said Heidi Martin.

Good lookin', Randy, totally agree: a statue of a female pirate with her blunderbusst (I could do this all day, folks) hanging out is art in the truest sense of the word. You hear that? Now walk the plank, Picasso! Oh, and valiant effort, Heidi, but they should definitely start on the internet.

Pirate Statue Stirs Controversy [wnep]

Thanks to Nefarious Nick, who totally made a friend take a picture while he was touching her rack. Wow, Nick, you've got problems. Awesome problems! Can I get a copy?

Apr 8 2009 Super Realisitic Dark Knight Joker Figures

This 1/6 scale Joker figure from Hot Toys' 'Movie Masterpiece Deluxe' line only stands a foot tall but is super-realistic, including moving, semi-translucent eyes. The figurine comes with two heads (one with Joker make-up, see after the jump), several different outfits, and interchangeable hands and weaponry. No word on price yet (probably expensive based on the quality), but they should be available sometime this summer/fall. So, start saving your milk money, kids. And also, yourself for marriage -- the wait is worth it.

Hit the jump for a bunch more detailed pictures.

Continue Reading " Super Realisitic Dark Knight Joker Figures "

Apr 8 2009 It Was Frickin' Huge: 54,324 Piece LEGO DSi

LEGO artist Sean Kenney was commissioned by Nintendo of America to build a giant DSi for display at the Nintendo World Store in NYC. So that's what he did. And here it is, in all it's 54,324 piece glory. Sadly, it doesn't work, which means that it's forever frozen with that picture of a cat on it. Which, while cute, is nowhere near as cute as my cat. Isn't that right, Mr. Whiskers? I swear, you are such a cutie with a booty -- come give daddy kissies! No, I didn't say asshole my face, I said kissies!

Hit the jump for a bunch of closeups and a 45-second time-lapse video of the build.

Continue Reading " It Was Frickin' Huge: 54,324 Piece LEGO DSi "

Apr 8 2009 Scanwiches: They're What's For Lunch

Scanwiches are cross-sectioned sandwiches that have been carefully digitized using a flatbed scanner. Each one provides a HQ picture of what to expect from a particular sandwich from a certain sandwich shop or deli. For instance, this is a Salami, Coleslaw, Tomato, and Mustard on a seeded roll from Parisi Bakery. Looks delicious! Now, if I just had a taste and smell-o-vision enabled computer monitor, I'd be in porkchop sandwiching heaven right now. But I don't, so you may be wondering why I'm licking the screen anways. You see, The Superficial Writer promised me a sweet boob post this afternoon, so I'm stretching. Now -- bringeth thine boobs, mine tongue awaits! Also, I brought a gauntlet just in case a certain dragon needs slaying.

Hit the jump for several more of the deliciousness and a link to the website.

Continue Reading " Scanwiches: They're What's For Lunch "

Apr 8 2009 Scorpion/Ant Robot As Scary As It Sounds

The A-Pod is a scary-ass robot built by some A-Hole because his parents didn't play with him enough as a child, and now he's hellbent on robotic world domination. Of course, I suppose it could have been a woman that built it, in which case, witchcraft. Now, where'd I put my pitchfork? Ha, I've been sitting on it this whole time!

A-Pod is an ant inspired hexapod robot with a 2 DOF abdomen (tail), a 3 DOF head with large mandibles. 6 legs with 3 DOF each. Total 25 servos. This video demonstrates body movement and mandible control. I still have to do some mechanical improvements to the legs (therefore little walking)

The majority of the video consists of the robot dry-humping the floor, but there was a little footage demonstrating how easily the bot's mandibles can hold a Coke can or snip off your change purse. Which, be honest, is probably just full of useless Canadian coins anyways. BOOM -- consider yourself metaphored, son!

Youtube

Thanks to Jon and Kevin, who tried stomping the bastard but only lost toes.

Apr 8 2009 Smart: Chimps Exchange Meat For Sex

In a move that proves that chimps have created a much awesomer society than we have, researchers have discovered that males will trade meat to females in return for regular sexy times. And apparently the NOMs for PEWs exchange program is completely legit in their advanced legal system!

This is a long-term exchange, so males continue to share their catch with females when they are not fertile, copulating with them when they are.

"What's amazing is that if a male shares with a particular female, he doubles the number of times he copulates with her, which is likely to increase the probability of fertilising that female."

Yow yow! Is all this Animal Planet talk making anyone else in here steamy? I swear, meat for sex, that's even better than a handful of $20's! Now, where can I rent a monkey suit this far from Halloween? Also, hot wings. I'm gonna need hot wings.

Chimpanzees exchange meat for sex [bbcnews]

Thanks to Ross, who wants to come in the next life as a chimp.

Apr 8 2009 Best Mouse Ever: The LED Message Mouse

The $21 LED message mouse has an LED laden fan in it that spins around and displays whatever barely decipherable message you want, while at the same time keeping your hand sweat-free during a particularly intense "gaming" (read: fapping) session. Granted, you won't be able to actually see your message while the device is in use, but that's a small price to pay for the awesome you know is just on the other side of your hand. Obviously, I'm talking about your hairy palm. Seriously bro, give it a rest.

Hit the jump for another shot and a video of the rodent in action.

Continue Reading " Best Mouse Ever: The LED Message Mouse "

Apr 7 2009 Violence Escalates Between Twilight Fans (Twihards) And Non-Twilight Fans (Anti's)

That's right folks, diehard Twilight fans (Twihards) are waging war on their non-teen vampire loving brethren (Anti's) for talking smack on the series. Thankfully, there's a discussion board that has collected all the cases of Twihards attacking Anti's with books, bricks, knives and flare guns. I'm sure some of them are fake, most are poorly written, but a couple of them were pretty funny. They're broken into categories, depending on the severity of the attack, ranging from slap on the wrist, to police worthy, to felony. You know, I always suspected these books were brainwashing readers into lives of violence. This Twilight series is even worse than gangster rap! And, oh God, my girlfriend is one of them! BURN IT WITH FIRE!

The Twihard Attack Directory [twilightsucks]

Thanks to Watch, who once called Dracula a blood-sucking taint and then peed in his sleeping-coffin.

Apr 7 2009 Man Finds Card Number Skimmer Attached To ATM, Removes, Takes Pictures, Internets

A man, Dan we'll call him, because that's his name (or is it? Allegedly it is), visited a Washington Mutual ATM to get some money. Pretty normal story so far, right? Did I mention he was wearing a dinosaur costume? He wasn't -- but you're right, that would have added a sexy twist. Well, when Danald was about to stick his junk in the machine, he noticed something fishy -- the junk receptacle just didn't feel right. So he ripped it off and, HIYO, a card skimmer! For those of you not in on the government conspiracy, skimmers are used to steal your credit card numbers and join adult websites. *ahem* So I've heard. Seriously though, I don't need technology to score women's numbers. Here, watch me work my magic on this chick.

Hey good lookin', what's your name? Oooh, Jenny, I like that. I'm Dick Dragon. I write Geekologie -- maybe you've heard of it? G-E-E-K-O-L-O-G-I-E. It's a website. Just Myspace, huh? Well listen -- you wanna come back to my place later and play strip Risk? No? Well how about you write your number down on this bar napkin anyways. Whoa, you actually did. 867-5309, I'll be calling you later. *wink*

A Man Finds an Actual Card Skimmer in the Wild, in the Flesh [gizmodo]

Apr 7 2009 For Sale: Star Trek Bridge Wall Murals

Want to add some oldschool Star Trek flair to your bedroom? How about a $187 wall mural depicting the command bridge from the original series? Not too shabby. Of course, it won't look nearly as good in your apartment as it does in this picture. It's called home staging, folks, and I know all about it. Now, which one of you lucky ladies wants to sit in my captain's chair? Ha, I know it's a beanbag, but use your imagination. Are you using it? Good. Now close your eyes and hold this phaser.

Star Trek TOS wall mural turns your mom's basement into the bridge of the Enterprise [dvice]

Apr 7 2009 Star Wars And Mario Russian Nesting Dolls

Some artsy folks went and custom painted traditional Matryoshka dolls to look like characters from Star Wars and Super Mario, respectively. Not bad. I think these would make a great arts-and-crafts project to do with your kids, provided they don't eat the paint or glue their heads to the kitchen table. Which, be honest, they totally will. Haha, do I know your kids or what? On my way to work today I saw your youngest standing in the front yard hitting himself in the head with a Whiffleball bat. *sniff* Made me wish I had one of my own. The bat, not the kid.

Hit the jump for some closeups of the two sets.

Continue Reading " Star Wars And Mario Russian Nesting Dolls "

Apr 7 2009 Flutter: Twitter's Latest Competition

Is 140 characters too many for you? Feel intimidated by all that space? Then check out Flutter, the latest in social blogging sites. Flutter promises to take Twitter's microblogging to the next level: nanoblogging -- with a limit of 26 characters per post, or "flap". Obviously, the video is a parody. But the really sad part is that it probably won't be for long. *waving junk around like a helicopter* Flap this, scumbags!

Youtube

Thanks toysoldier, Julian and 3bee, who once sat outside my bedroom window tweeting so loud I almost shot at them with a BB gun.

Apr 7 2009 But He Was Just Here: More Urban Camo

Urban camouflage is an ever growing fashion trend as more and more crazy people seem to be out to get you for no particular reason besides being batshit insane. Also, stalking. That's a problem too. Quick, look outside -- I am in your bushes! Can you see me? Sucker -- stalkers can use camo too! Now, look at the second bush to the right. Other way -- your right. You see me waving a stick? Made you look -- that's my penis! Honestly, what do you think?

Hit the jump for five more worthwhile ways to hide in plain sight.

Continue Reading " But He Was Just Here: More Urban Camo "

Apr 7 2009 Now That's Fine Art: Mario Strikes Back

This is painting by Los Angeles artist Misha entitled Empire. There are two others after the jump, both of which feature some relatively not-at-all-hot slave-girl Peach action (okay, the second one did a little something). They're all available for sale if you're interested, to the tune of $1,400. Which, haha, is a little out of my range. You see, I only sing bass. And speaking of which -- all yours are belong to me!

Hit it for the others.

Continue Reading " Now That's Fine Art: Mario Strikes Back "

Apr 7 2009 GM And Segway Making P.U.M.A. 'Car', Looks Suspiciously Like A Motorized Wheelchair

General Motors and Segway have teamed up to produce what might very well be a slightly modified Hoveround. It's self-balancing like a Segway, but with the style and quality you've come to expect from GM. And as you can see, they do come with the Gob Bluth seal of excitement.

The self-balancing Personal Urban Mobility and Accessibility Project (P.U.M.A.) can reach top speeds of 35 MPH, has a lithium battery that lasts up to 35 miles with a single charge, and features vehicle-to-vehicle (V2V) communication for potentially reducing the number of accidents. No word on when or if this'll actually go into production but it's expected to be priced at just 25% that of a regular automobile.

Wow, that is one vehicle (in addition to a seatless bicycle) I can safely say I have absolutely no interest in driving. My God -- could you imagine getting T-boned in that thing? *BOOM* Porterhoused!

GM and Segway's P.U.M.A. unveiled and no, this isn't a joke [engadget]

Thanks to Julian, who successfully rode a Segway down a flight of stairs but then got hit by a bicycle messenger at the bottom and lost a tooth. It was never found.

Apr 6 2009 It Hurts Just To Look At: The Trippy Clock

This Salvador Dali clock costs $15 and is painful to look at. I glanced at it once and nearly lost it. Then, which I was editing the image, I puked in my mouth a little. It was yogurt-y.

Just follow the hands out to meet the face and you'll be just fine. Zany is one word for it. Eclectic another. Put it above a bar and you'll have the punters examining the contents of their glasses. In short, buy this slippery, rubbery chronograph and say 'Hello, Dali' to a distorted vision of time. And an insight into the mind of a creative genius.

I don't know about all that. Besides, who needs a clock to make them feel like they're tripping? Now if you really wanna trip you need to drink this right here. Yeah, I know it tastes awful, but just trust me. Theeeeeere you go. So, feel anything yet? No? Well maybe you should walk around a little. *THUD* HAHA -- I tied your laces together when you were busy drinking my urine!

freaky dali-esque clock is twirlin', not meltin' [technabob]

Apr 6 2009 Mac Vs. PC: Wolverine Vs. Rorschach

This is a little video of Wolverine vs. Rorschach in the style of those Mac vs. PC commercials. You might like it, you might not. But that's neither here nor there, what's important is that my roommate ate all the leftover Chinese food I was saving for an afternoon snack, and now I want to kill him. The only problem is, I know I shouldn't because I already threatened to kill him last night loud enough for all the neighbors to hear. But, if he does turn up missing, you didn't read this. And if you think I can't make your computer explode and burn you to death with just a couple quick keystrokes, you've got another thing coming. And also, a pretty firm grasp of computer technology. Now, put your grandma on.

Youtube

Thanks to NUTZBABIE and NinjaMuffin, who once called Wolverine's mom a dirty ore and lived to tell about it.

Apr 6 2009 I Like The Sound Of That: Huffable Chocolate

Normally I'm an airplane glue kind of guy, but hey, chocolate could be good. Good mixed with airplane glue! That's what I'm talkin' about -- double fist style! Anyway, Le Whif breathable chocolates are supposed to give you the same sensations as eating chocolate, but probably nowhere near as good. An analogy: Breathable chocolate:chocolate::porn:sex. With both breathable chocolate and porn you get no ass! ZA-ZA-ZA-ZING!

Over the centuries we've been eating smaller and smaller quantities at shorter and shorter intervals," says (David) Edwards who, coincidentally (yeah, right) has a new novel out at the same time. It seemed to us that eating was tending toward breathing, so, with a mix of culinary art and aerosol science, we've helped move eating habits to their logical conclusion. We call it whiffing.

No, we call it huffing, Dave. Whiffing is when you try to punch somebody and miss. If you're interested, Le Whif huffgun shells are available in chocolate, mint chocolate, chocolate raspberry and chocolate mango and sell for about $4 a pop. No word on how much huff you get out of a single canister, but if I had to guess, I'd say one...two...three... *CRUNCH* three.

Hit the jump for a video of some bicycle-seat whiffing in action.

Continue Reading " I Like The Sound Of That: Huffable Chocolate "

Apr 6 2009 Thief Uses Head As Battering Ram, Fails

A would-be thief tried to use his head as a battering ram to bust open the back door of a home in St Petersburg, Florida. He failed miserably. But I loved how he got down like a bull before charging the door, I thought that was a nice touch. Just chalk it up as a learning experience, buddy. One about God not compensating for lacking brainpower with a reinforced skull and spine.

Nutty robber uses his head [thesun]

Thanks to Richie-Con-Carne, who once laid siege to an entire castle wearing a bicycle helmet.

Apr 6 2009 Taste The Rainbow With A Rainbow Cake!

Want to make a rainbow cake to celebrate Easter or being gay? Do it up -- but I get to lick the spatula when you're finished. And by "the" I mean "your". Just sayin', I'm cool pitching for both teams. And when I say "pitching", I obviously mean "catching". I talk in code! Now, throw me a fastball, champ, I'm late for work.

Hit the jump for several more of the awesomeness and a link to the recipe.

Continue Reading " Taste The Rainbow With A Rainbow Cake! "

Apr 6 2009 For Sale: The T-Virus Vial From Resident Evil

Want to own the T-virus? Want to own the vial the T-virus came in? Well now you can, thanks to a $3,800 eBay auction for (one of?) the very vial(s) used in Resident Evil: Extinction!

Direct from the set of Resident Evil:Extinction comes the very very key virus tube! This is one of the most sought after movie collectibles from this franchise and is yours to bring home today. This is a glass vial with non-removable metal end caps with empty spiraling inner glass tubes. (One of the Tubes is loose) This measures approximately 4.75" x 1.5" and is screen used.

What do you mean, "One of the Tubes is loose"? I ain't paying no damn $4K for a nonfunctional virus container, I'll tell you that right now. You try to fill that up and next thing you know you're spilling T-virus juice down the front of your pants. Which....

UPDATE: It grew arms! Now, who needs a Monday hug?

eBay Auction

Thanks to OctopusPie, who's delicious with a little CuttlefishIcecream.

Apr 6 2009 Creep Factor 12: Learning Robot Child

What is this, an entry in the world's creepiest robot competition? Shockingly not. It's 'Child-robot with Biomimetic Body' (CB2), a learning robot and harbinger of death. Just look into those eyes -- can you feel him stabbing you in your sleep? I can, and it burns. You see, he's using a laser knife. Technology: robots have it.

As you might expect, the bot hasn't simply spent its past two years of existence terrifying the staff at Osaka University, it's actually been learning, and it's now apparently able to make use of its 51 air-powered motors to move itself through a room "quite smoothly" -- with a helping hand, of course. What's more, the researchers behind CB2 are now also starting to talk about some of their future projects, including a new "robo species" that they say will have learning abilities "somewhere between those of a human and other primate species such as the chimpanzee."

Osaka, Osaka, Osaka, when will you learn? I say cut the robotics and actually make a positive contribution to humanity instead of trying to destroy us. Need some ideas for areas of study? Good, I happen to have a list: 1. cloning dinosaurs 2. cloning the things that came after dinosaurs but weren't dinosaurs but were still really sexy, like woolly mammoths and shit. 3. a shrinking ray.

Well, I think you've got your work cut out for you, now get cracking. Also, I'd be happy to intern if you ever successfully clone anything. No, really, I insist.

CB2 "Child Robot" returns: smarter, creepier than ever [engadget]

Thanks to Julian, Paul, Crystal, Spoonman and Soop, who thought the robot was cute and are therefore dead to me.

Apr 6 2009 Cool: PEW PEW Laser Fashion PEW PEW

Hussein Chalayan is a fashion *PEW PEW!* designer I've never heard of, but that's *PEW PEW!* okay because there are probably only a handful of names I would *PEW PEW!* recognize anyway. Unlike The Superficial Writer who, *PEW PEW!*, can rattle off their names and collections faster than you a normal man can *PEW PEW!* fire up a chainsaw. In this particular showcase, now to be known as The PEW PEW! Collection, Husssein had engineer Moritz Waldemeyer add servo-driven *PEW PEW!* lasers to the dresses. Nice, guys. As you can see, the *PEW PEW!* dresses are sure to be a big *PEW PEW!* hit at raves. Unfortunately, you may never *PEW PEW!* see one because I'm suing the pants (!) off Chalayan. You see, I burnt my *PEW PEW!* retinas out trying to score an upskirt shot.

Hit the *PEW PEW!* jump for a bunch *PEW PEW!* more.

Continue Reading " Cool: PEW PEW Laser Fashion PEW PEW "

Apr 5 2009 Friend Me: Celebrities' Fake Facebook Pages

For fun on April 1st, PC World Magazine made a bunch of fake Facebook pages for celebrities (we've already seen God's), including, and pretty much limited to: Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Elvis, Andy Warhol, Satan, Rush Limbaugh, Hillary Clinton, Dr. Manhattan and William Shakespeare. I posted a little of Mr. Gates' there so you could get an idea of what to expect. Go HERE if you want to check them out in their full detail. And if not, hey, we can still be friends. Facebook friends! Seriously, my friend list is empty without you. Haha, I just sent you a virtual bumper sticker, now Superpoke me!

UPDATE: Readers Jess and Zeyd sent me the Facebook page of Greek mythology students. You can see it HERE.

Facebook Pages We'd Like to See [pcworld]

Thanks to Rafi, who still hasn't accepted my friend request. Seriously, just hit the button, bro.

Apr 5 2009 Let Me Guess, Robots Invented These Too: Little Batteries Powered By Human Blood

It may look like the world's smallest golden wallet, but it's actually a cyborg battery. You see, in the future robots will harvest humans to provide the blood they need to recharge their batteries. Well, happy Sunday to you too!

A small colony of yeast lives inside each battery, and this living core of the fuel cell can draw energy from glucose (sugar) in blood flowing around it. According to New Scientist:

The yeast-based fuel cell produces around 40 nanowatts of power, compared to the microwatt a typical wristwatch battery might produce, Chaio says. That might be enough power for some devices if it were coupled with a capacitor to allow energy to be stored. The yeast could also be genetically engineered to boost its power output.

Great news. No really, that's just wonderful. Currently, scientists are considering the cyborg battery for use in pacemakers and other implantable devices, while robots are considering how much blood they need to power chainsaws and laser blasters. But I'll tell you one thing -- ain't no robotic vampire drilling this neck. Eat oak, Dracu-bot! *tink* Oh shit.

Batteries That Feed on Blood [io9]

Thanks to David, Jon and Jamie, who refuse to donate blood to a damn robot.

Apr 5 2009 Mega Man 2: From Start To Finish In Song

NOTE: Video is NSFW due to language.

This is a song about beating all the bosses in Mega Man 2 and winning the game. It's long though, so the best way to view it is to skip around unless you really have seven minutes to kill. Also, it's NSFW because they say lots of bad words. But that's okay, because it's Sunday and you're not at work are you? No, you're in church on your Blackberry. So, fire away champ -- it's what Jesus would do.*

*This claim has not been approved by the Vatican, or even a local pastor. In fact, I haven't run it by anyone. Except the dog, who just looked at me quizzically before going back to licking herself. Which, at least in my eyes, is a total yes.

Youtube

Thanks to Leif, Alex, Kevin and Geoff, who once stuck sticks in Fan Man's blades and Fan Man secretly liked it.