Mar 10 2009I Like Turtles Shoes: Pet Turtle Gets Tender With Somebody's Shoe

F.U.C.K. Turtles, and F.U.C.K. you too.

I feel dirty now.

...

I kind of feel bad for this little guy.

ummm... wow...
that's all i got

How did you think they made shell toes?

I feel bad skipping to the end to see if there was a money shot.

dont u mean koopas?

so what happened? that kinda scared me

he sounded like a squeeky toy

also, can i note that the add for turtlesale.com says "two of a good thing is better than one: two headed turtles." I don't think two heads is healthy. they should have a slogan that says "we breed our turltes in the trash can of a nuclear waste facility"

FAKE!!!!

This is a complete photoshop job. You can tell its a fake becauser the shadow's are all wrong.

This is exactly like that scene in the movie Never BAck Down where Max is being followed by the police. One day he stuffs a banana in the tailpipe to keep their car from starting, and the next day he pretends to stall at a green light and zooms across as it turns red, keeping the cops from following him.

I'm not going to fall for the ol banana in the tailpipe trick

@12
Admit it dude. You liked it, didn't you? I know you f*cking love turtles and things having sex. I mean, who doesn't? You gotta love that sh!t somehow.

And yes, I'll admit it too. I used to have sex with rusty old cars and chandeliers. It's quite hard to have sex with chandeliers at first because you gotta figure out how to get up there. Next thing you know, you're suspended 8 feet from the from the ground and that sh!t is high as hell. Can you believe that? Me neither...

@1
Shut the f*ck up!
I love turtles. They're the best thing in the world. An you're an idiot for not liking such a lovely creature. Shit, I'd f*ck a turtle... Only if my dick is small enough to fit into its p*ssy or a-hole.

Did you like that you PREVERTS? Its not bad enough you gotta keep me locked up 23.5 hours a day in a glass box barely big enough to turn around in, with no privacy and no one to keep me company but a dog dish, a piece of driftwood and a fake rock. But now u gotta watch me take care of bidness and put it on Youtube. Youre just pissed cus my little scaly dick is bigger than yours. F8ck you! Im glad I spunked in your shoe you heartless bastard. Next time I do it in your bitch ass face. youd probably like that

Hannukah Montana, maybe it's not about having a dick small enough.... maybe it's about finding a turtle big enough....those Galapagos bastards are HUGE.... I bet their a-holes are also huge.

Huh, so that's what a turtle penis looks like.

@13 - Turtle F.ucker!

GW, why? this article is stuipid. show us more gadgets and new tech, not this crap

turtles have sex?

GW
ignore #18 (no disrespect 18) but totally continue to show us this kind of stuff...

This post seems best viewed in context with THIS post:

http://www.geekologie.com/2009/03/awwwwh_how_cute_atilla_the_pet.php

I'm still thinking this isn't on par with the condom animals doing it video... squeaky squeaky

thats awesome!

I...wow...that was...just plain weird. I don't what was weirder: that the turtle made noises or that the turtle apparently has a foot fetish.

Do turtles actually make noises when they have sex?

@17
Wouldn't you wanna f uck a turtle? No?

That's probably better than f*cking a tree bark. And by tree bark, I mean an ugly b!tch. And by ugly bitch, I mean my grandma's best friend. And by best friend, I mean an old hag with her breasts tied around her back with some loose skin that's covering her ass that sags so low that she always steps on them every time she walks backwards. That kind of friend.

I miss my donkey.

Turtles

Seriously, how long can you videotape turtle masturbation? I saw all I needed to see after 15 seconds...

At first i was tottally turned on watching this. I got all hot.

THEN, I realized that it was a dude turtle I was watching.

Does that make me gay? Or just "Turtle gay"?

I want to take my last comment back. I now know that i am NOT Turtle Gay. It was the noise. It reminded me of my old college roommate. he was hung like a.....

What I WANTED to say was that I am sick and tired of these celebrity videos "accidentally" getting leaked to the internet.

I mean, If Leonard (or Donatello.. I get them all mixed up) wants to film his dirty deeds, thats fine. But don't go ruining my childhood with this crap.

^^ Definitely "Turtle Gay"...

that went from funny to weird real quick.

DAMN!!!! thats all i have to say, no remarks... just damn, i almost pissed myself, this is the one time ive heard a turtle make a noise... and it was having sex with a shoe... EPIC

In the turtle's defense, that is one sexy fcuking shoe.

i cant even remember how many times i rewatched this but it keeps on getting funnier!

thats the turtles tale isn't it?! and his dick in in his tale!

errr i mean tail!

Yeah, that's his tail. That's where the gentials are on a turtle. I know this for totally boring and non-dirty reasons. My uncle has pet turtles (ACTUAL turtles, I'm pretty sure this guy is really a tortoise) and told me that one of them is named Mr Audrey because they thought he was a girl until they found out that you can tell the gender of a turtle by the length of the tail. Male turtles have longer tails because their genitals are toward the end of the tail to compensate for the awkwardness of shelled creatures trying to hump. I know that little tidbit because I spent a while thinking about being a zoologist... until I decided that was a shitty idea since I'm allergic to animals. So yeah, tail.

Oh, come off it. Anyway, doves in captivity have been known to present their mating dance to a stuffed animal, and even a roll of paper, if memory serves right. You can't deprive animals of their reproductive rights (not that they have any) and expect them to behave normally. It's the like a mocking testament of our human selfishness.

just gotta say, some warning about the penis would have been nice. i could listen to this forever though.

Yeah, its a tortoise, not a turtle.

o_O

Dunno if links work in here, but this is a photo of what I was talking about and how the tail kinda is the dick. Like a lot of reptiles they don't actually have dicks... just a sort of squirty thing inside their combined piss/shithole (cloaca). The male's is way further down the tail so he can get under a female's tail to squirt into her pissshithole.

...or maybe just http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/STRAYKINGFISHER/TURTLE%20ANATOMY-AND%20RELATED/carettochelysinsculpta1.jpg

And while we're on the topic.... it's such a common mistake for people to think that all male animals have dicks...or any external male apparatus at all. Most don't. A few bird species do (ducks, for instance), mammals obviously, some fish, but for the most part it's vent-to-vent, if not something even weirder. The male octopus sticks sperm on his leg into the female... and spiders have a special sperm claw.... so....

(not all geeks are tech geeks, some of us are waaaaay too into science)

YAY SCIENCE!

Was he trying to bite the shoelace or was he stuck on the shoe? I feel like someone should've helped him at some point during the video. Cute little guy though.

Turtles don't have sex, they lay eggs and get them fertilized later.

Adam... that's amphibians and some fish. Turtles have internal fertilization and lay leathery-shelled, round eggs.

I got the impression that he was kind of tired and wanted to go ahead and bust a nut but was waiting - a true romeo - for the shoe to get hers.