Mar 10 2009Geekologie Review: The Clarion MiND
WOOT -- a product review. I took the Clarion MiND to find the grave of F. Scott Fitzgerald and then, in his honor, to the bar. Hit the jump to find out how it all went down.
The Clarion MiND looks pretty and is fun to hold in your hands. It's also fun to pretend you can teleport yourself with. Several people at the bar even stopped to ask what the hell I was playing with and whether the seat beside me was taken. Including some ladies, who, if I didn't have my eyes on the prize (booze) I may have talked to.
Getting around the MiND is easy. A touchscreen and scrolling set of icons takes you to the application you want. No frills, gets the job done. Also, it comes with a stylus for navigation and typing which was nice because I have fat-ass fingers and can't type on my iPhone to sex a supermodel. So that was a nice change.
The GPS capabilities were as to be expected. This is your typical view.
I've had both TomTom and Garmin units in the past, and the MiND performed similarly. No boner, but I wasn't expecting one. Just really hoping. You type in your destination, and it gives you turn by turn directions. Also, it lets you know the speed limit on the road you're driving, which I totally ignored because those are merely suggestions by the man to keep a good driver down. Anyway, in the case of finding F. Scott Fitzgerald's grave, I entered this address:
520 Veirs Mill Rd, Rockville, MD 20852
And, after all the turns the MiND told me to make, and a couple extras I made because I spotted a Hooters along the way, that's where I ended up. Look, these are my legs hanging out with F. Scott. We're chillin'.
Here's another picture. The slab in front of the gravestone has the last line of The Great Gatsby inscribed. At this point I started to get a little teary so I had to punch a hole in a tree to feel better. I meant to take a picture of the oak afterward but I forgot.
Well after a nice pow-wow with Francis I decided to hit a local watering hole in his honor. I told my girlfriend if she could just drop me off I'd MiND(!) my own way home. I know, pretty foolish of me letting a woman drive my car, but hey, I was on a mission. A mission to drink the ghost of F. Scott Fitzgerald under the table! Bring it, Francis!
So I moseyed up to the bar and got a beer and start flirting with the MiND's other features. WiFi picked up no problem, and I was cruising the interwebs in no time. The other applications:
It has a Youtube application. It plays Youtube videos. This is me watching the Atlanta Grape Lady. Cheaters never win, lady, because cheaters go "OOH OOH OOH OUCH OUCH OUCH I CAN'T BREATH!"
There's a MySpace application that I didn't bother using because Facebook totally kicks the shit out of MySpace every day of the week. The Firefox-based web browser is fully functional and took me to all the sites I cared to see, including, and pretty much limited to: Geekologie, Thesuperficial, and Iwatchstuff. The forward and backward functions worked well.
The built in weather forecast comes via The Weather Channel and was about as accurate as throwing darts. But that's not the MiND's fault. The unit comes with 4GB of internal memory and Realplayer preloaded so you transfer all your homemade porno movies on there to show to your friends. You just better make sure your heat looks reasonably sized, or they'll all make fun of you. You can transfer files to the unit via microSD, USB, and miniUSB.
The battery only lasts about an 1.25 hours fully charged which sucked walking around but it comes standard with a cigarette-lighter adapter. So, provided you don't have your mini-fridge plugged in, you should be straight for driving.
One of the handiest features of the MiND is its internet connectivity via cellphone. If you have a 3G cell phone you can connect to it via Bluetooth and browse the interwebs on the road. This could be handy when you're trying to figure out which truck stop has the coolest novelty condom machines in its bathrooms.
Overall, the MiND seems perfect for the person with no smart phone, GPS unit, or iPod. Currently priced at about $520, the MiND is at the very high end of traditional portable GPS units. I'd suggest giving it a look if you're in the market for a new GPS unit, don't mind spending a little extra, and don't already have a smart phone or mobile media player. But, if you're like me and already have a jailbroken iPhone (for turn-by-turn directions) and a handful of iPods, you're probably better off spending your money on something else. But hey, if you have money burning a hole in your pocket, your pants will soon be aflame. And when pants burn, women are liberated. Am I right or what? This has been the word of the Geekologie Writer. Oh, and here's one last shot of the unit.
Woops, that one was for the ladies (call me). Here, here's your parting shot.
Reader Comments
1. Delgo - March 11, 2009 12:32 AM
w/e
2. Derek - March 11, 2009 12:36 AM
SECOND
YESSSSS
3. theophany - March 11, 2009 12:38 AM
speechless.
4. Steven - March 11, 2009 12:46 AM
so are saying this site is supposed to review tech stuff?!?!?!?!?!
5. Nick - March 11, 2009 12:47 AM
gey WTF a pic of his pen!s wow this guys stupid if u agree with me type yep yep
6. omg - March 11, 2009 12:49 AM
never have I expected to see this much of the GW. i truly am speechless
7. Katie - March 11, 2009 12:52 AM
Sooo, did you notice F. Scott's wife's name is Zelda?
8. formerly SPELLINGNAZI© - March 11, 2009 12:52 AM
So, you need a phone to connect it to the interwebz? Did I read that right? WEAK!
And GW, sorry bud, but Facebook blows bobo. It's a sterilized, gay, apps retarded version of myspace (looks like crApple designed it), and apparantly you can never delete your profile.
9. sycorange - March 11, 2009 12:59 AM
nice review...nice review....BAM! Dick shot.
10. chris - March 11, 2009 1:14 AM
you have sexy legs ;)
zomg what would I give to be called zelda o0
11. Daisy's giant dildo - March 11, 2009 1:19 AM
hmmm... product reviews now? Usually the posts make my penis twitch with joy... This however did not, except at the end, that last picture gave me an erection.
12. J - March 11, 2009 1:20 AM
SO YOU'RE NOT A ROBOT!
13. Alan - March 11, 2009 1:27 AM
@17
Shut up you whore!
14. Xager - March 11, 2009 1:30 AM
Dammit, where are the nude shots? stupid website. Plus, can I has that now that you are done with it? call me...
15. Yoav - March 11, 2009 1:42 AM
Dude, whats with all the reviews?? nobody cares about them.. stop being a sell-out and start writing some NEWS
funny news
16. 17 - March 11, 2009 1:43 AM
@13
Shut up! I am not a whore. I just happen to be a girl with needs. I'm just curious, you know. People make mistakes.
I gotta go now... Gotta chase that paper.
17. Hannukah Montana - March 11, 2009 1:48 AM
Aaawww my God. The GW is so much of a reflection of me.
I guess, he's a little bit chunkier than I am. Those little feet can only mean one thing... I dunno but it seems like it. You know what you are not alone my friend.
CERTIFIED geeeeek status, that's what you are.
18. Kermode - March 11, 2009 2:06 AM
If I want product reviews I'll go to a product review site.
This is not the geekologie I love, for $hame.
19. injapan - March 11, 2009 3:08 AM
omg, gw's junk.
*swoon*
20. Beastman AIDS - March 11, 2009 3:20 AM
settle down - GW warned there would be a product review coming in the next couple days and here it is.
Regardless of the article not being from a news tip it was still an amusing read. although not as amusing as the sneaks and jeans combo.
21. venort - March 11, 2009 3:32 AM
so the GW really does have legs and dogs... I never thought I'd know this much...
22. lookaze - March 11, 2009 3:38 AM
nice shoes, i bet those are suited to run over 88 mph which, combined with the flux capacitor in his pants, gives the illusion of teleporting himself around. but dont ask me how he provides the power...
23. juliett - March 11, 2009 3:46 AM
which bar did you go to? but also...isn't it random how f. scott fitzgerald is burried in rockville? i always drive by that graveyard.
24. Cade - March 11, 2009 6:27 AM
Yeah... About that $500...Not worth it. I can totally just print directions and get going. Who doesn't plan their every waking moment? I mean srlsly. I'm a man. And I know where things are and how to get there. It doesn't matter how many times I need to refuel, I'll find it. Either that, or get dumped. But that's another story for another product review.
Now... Is there the technology for seeing through clothes from an already snapped picture? Because if there is, I'm print screening and smearing the GW's junk all across creation.
25. The Chort - March 11, 2009 7:16 AM
Last!
26. softlicious - March 11, 2009 8:03 AM
@7 - Yeah, you're right
Didn't anyone notice that GW payed a tribute the the fameous Zelda Fitzgerald's tomb? The Zelda Fitzgerald who Zelda in LoZ got named after! Sweet home Alabama! $500??? Are you nuts? I'm saving for a Wii!!! The thing that really makes OoT great is revisiting the same places later, with different abilities or goals. A place wasn't designed just to make you do one thing.
27. bendizle - March 11, 2009 8:15 AM
i must say that was quite a show mr. gw.....quite a show.... *clap* *clap* *clap*
28. Matt - March 11, 2009 8:31 AM
Yeah, I always pictured GW to be about 300 lbs heavier with cheetos stains on his jeans..."sigh".....that's almost as disappointing as when I saw the true face of Dr. Claw here: http://progressiveboink.com/archive/drclaw.html
29. Kitty - March 11, 2009 8:41 AM
The Great Gatsby was a terrible book!
30. Katia - March 11, 2009 8:52 AM
Gee, I never thought of you as mr. Nice Pants :-)
Great review.
31. DASH - March 11, 2009 9:01 AM
No prod Reviews on Geekologie.....
32. msjessiemeghan - March 11, 2009 9:01 AM
Why would I use this instead of my iPhone 3g?
33. Daisy - March 11, 2009 9:53 AM
FAKE!!!!
This is a complete photoshop job. You can tell its a fake because the shadow's are all wrong.
This is exactly like that scene in the movie Never Back Down where Max got invited to a party by a hot chick and found out too late that she asked him just so that her boyfriend could kick the crap out of him in front of everyone there.
34. Bent - March 11, 2009 10:08 AM
So, basically it does what everything else already does just with a bigger screen (so you get to carry around a stylish fanny pack like I think I spot in the graveyard picture) and bigger price tag.
Also, nice clothes GW, either your mom dressed you this morning for your big premiere, or you are a closet homosexual; which actually I'm completely fine with judging by the second to last pic, call me!
...He won't call...*sob*
35. sɐɐu - March 11, 2009 10:14 AM
¡ʍʇɟ ʍƃ ˙ɯooɹ ǝɥʇ ǝʌɐǝl oʇ pɐɥ ı ʇoɥsɥɔʇoɹɔ ǝɥʇ oʇ ʇoƃ ı uǝɥʍ uǝɥʇ 'uʍop ǝpısdn ƃuıɥʇ ǝloɥʍ ǝɥʇ pɐǝɹ ı
36. abovedefault - March 11, 2009 10:15 AM
man, you have really dorky shoes.
37. sɐɐu - March 11, 2009 10:17 AM
Nice review GW. Nice shoes also, really
38. naas - March 11, 2009 10:17 AM
^ ^ Ha
39. JG - March 11, 2009 10:43 AM
Wow people, you guys suck at commenting. good review, but looks like just having a smartphone beats down the MiND. and GW owns everything, i mean his review is actually funny to read, and not full of GAY stuff like what it does or specifications or other such bullshit.
40. Huggy Bear - March 11, 2009 10:47 AM
Why is there an Icon of what appears to be a man in a wheel chair sitting at a table where Richard Montgomery High School is supposed to be?
41. Truk - March 11, 2009 10:48 AM
wow- that's one hell of a tool's quest, did you think we would be fooled into believing ur hip or cool or something?
FAIL FAIL FAIL
sorry- no nookie for me last night- way to go expanding your site to include things like this
here I am with my hand...
42. Charles Darwin - March 11, 2009 11:04 AM
This is the greatest thing i've ever read
43. Billy D Willams - March 11, 2009 11:13 AM
You are fatter than I thought you would be. Nice grave yard gut and fat girl thighs, tubbo.
44. Snaggletooth - March 11, 2009 11:15 AM
The nokia n800 kicks this things ass, and came out two years ago!
45. MightyD - March 11, 2009 11:26 AM
"WOOT" is the lamest suckyest teenagest piece of crap new word ever! DIE!
46. phoring - March 11, 2009 11:29 AM
I'm glad we don't get to see what you look like. It would probably ruin your image. You wouldn't want that would you? The crotch shot comes close.
47. che-che - March 11, 2009 11:30 AM
GW! you have some BITCH legs!!! sell out!
48. CS - March 11, 2009 11:56 AM
Holy shit i just saw your crotch.
This is the best day of my life.
49. Smelly Nuts - March 11, 2009 12:25 PM
Good job, GW. I would much prefer to read reviews with references to porno, johnsons, and booze than the dry crap over at CNET. Keep 'em coming!
50. zandar - March 11, 2009 12:29 PM
Don't tar and feather me, angry mob, but I like it.
"WiFi picked up no problem"
Sounds like if you're near a hotspot it connects on its own, no?
Likee the ergo. I like stylii. call me weird. Me have no iphone so I could see using it a lot.
I'd wait for the price to drop a bit though, if I were to indulge.
Nice, GW! I'll read your reviews. Much more interesting that usual sycophantic drivel you find on the intarwebz.
51. Billy D Williams - March 11, 2009 12:30 PM
I think my grandmom has those same pair of sneakers.
52. $.02 and a pocket full of FAH-Q - March 11, 2009 12:58 PM
GAH! BW is a "metro" kinda guy. I'm sad.
I did dig the product review though, very helpful. I'll stick to saving up for the crackberry 9300 when it comes out. thankskbai.
53. Vinny Mac - March 11, 2009 1:02 PM
hahaha it was enjoyable, I hope you do more!!
OH and being a closeted homosexual, I loved the crotch shot. You're everything I imagined and more...
SO if u decide to pitch for the other team, holler!
54. kringe - March 11, 2009 2:35 PM
my class started reading "THE GREAT GATSBY"to day, it sucks.... i shouldnt have failed the class the first time...
55. Geekology Writer - March 11, 2009 3:55 PM
@ 53 - Do you promise there will be docking involved?
56. Vinny Mac - March 11, 2009 5:18 PM
I usually dock on the second date... but for you OBVIOUSLY I'd make an exception!!
Call me and I'll get you drunk and wasted!
57. i have big feet - March 11, 2009 5:52 PM
you have small feet
58. OMGirl! - March 11, 2009 7:43 PM
GW likes nike and to pad his crotch....
hahahaha
59. Geekologie lover - March 11, 2009 8:58 PM
NO! PRODUCT REVIEWS SUCK. YOU SOUND LIKE A CORPORATE BITCH GW.
NO MORE PLEEEEASE! C'MON, THIS ARTICLE WOULD HAVE BEEN FINE IF YOU WERE JUST VISITING ZELDA'S GRAVE. LOYAL SUPPORTERS DESERVE BETTER.
HONESTLY, I'M AS PISSED OFF AS I'VE EVER BEEN!
60. Rashiki - March 11, 2009 9:01 PM
youve made me sad geekologie. If this is the way this site is gonna go than Im out. Hope its a one off.
61. formerly SPELLINGNAZI© - March 12, 2009 1:46 AM
@59: First of all, STOP SHOUTING! Second, "loyal supporters"? What, is there some kind of donation site for this? I don't see the PayPal link anywhere...
62. Nick Carraway - March 12, 2009 3:25 AM
So many props for the F. Scott Fitzgerald-ness in this post.
63. Amaranth - March 12, 2009 12:13 PM
...so does the caulk have a taste?
64. MEh - March 12, 2009 6:32 PM
FEH. I'm starting to realize that geekologie is like the red headed step child sibling of gizmodo.
wtf.
65. Geezo - March 12, 2009 6:36 PM
SOCK!
66. ~zeus~ - March 12, 2009 8:31 PM
Dude WTF? seriously what's up with this review shit?
#1 this is not your thing oviusly
#2 500 for a knockoff of a Chinese shit toy (and when i say shit toy i mean a big ass 1995 gameboy with a GPS)
and yes.. those are girly pants!
67. KK - March 13, 2009 1:06 AM
I have no prob with you doing reviews. If your website can get you cool free shit, do it! I
That being said, are you wearing light-wash tapered jeans with sneakers? For shame.
68. Victor - March 13, 2009 3:00 PM
OMG LETS BITCH INCESSANTLY BECAUSE WE RED LOL *READ AN ARTIKLE LOL *ARTICLE THAT WE DINT *DIDN'T LIKE ROFLOLOOL.
Maybe you fools can just not read it next time?? Just a thought
69. esetiawan - March 14, 2009 1:08 AM
Wow GW.. i thought you're like..Chuck Norris :(
70. jeff goldblum - March 14, 2009 4:21 PM
funny, i thought the geekologie readers would be a little more intelligent than this.
71. The Chort - March 17, 2009 4:22 PM
Last!
72. $.02 and a pocket full of FAH-Q - March 23, 2009 1:15 AM
^ FAIL
73. Facebooger - March 26, 2009 8:56 PM
Facebook blows goats every day of the week
74. Danny - May 12, 2009 12:09 AM
GW. your goods, my mouf, eh? (call me!) *wink*