Apr 4 2009 65,000 Piece LEGO Shuttle On Launch Pad

It may look real, but that's actually a 65,000 piece LEGO shuttle complete with launch pad and naked alien sluts, minus the naked alien sluts. It took two guys over 1,590 hours to complete and even has flashing lights and sound effects to simulate a launch.

Part of the "Nasu Space Center," it appeared as a scene in Nasu Highland Park, an amusement park in Japan.

The duo who assembled it are said to be participating in an event to top the tallest LEGO tower ever built, an accolade which is currently held by LEGO enthusiasts in Vienna, who constructed a tower over 96 feet tall.

Awesome. And as a guy who has tried to build a functional rocket out of LEGO blocks himself, I've got to hand it to these guys: sex is mad overrated. Am I right, guys? High-fi.... actually, a nod will do.

Hit the jump for two more pictures and a horrible quality video of a launch in action.

Continue Reading " 65,000 Piece LEGO Shuttle On Launch Pad "

Apr 4 2009 Hardcore: Man Gets Hand Cut Off With Samurai Sword, Punches Attacker With Stump

Peter Rogers is a hardcore dude. First he insults some guy's girlfriend's mother, and then, in the resulting bar fight, gets his hand cut off with a samurai sword but continues to punch his attacker in the face with his bloody stump. Wow, Mr Rogers (I really loved your little train set!).

Detective Garda Tony Gleeson told Dublin Circuit Criminal Court that Russell severed Mr Roger's hand at the wrist with his first swing of the sword and his hand fell to the ground. Mr Rogers continued to struggle with Russell and at one stage punched the accused in the face with the stump of his arm.

Det Gda Gleeson said that Mr Rogers had been in the pub with a number of friends that day when he heard someone shout, "there's the c**t" before he was struck from behind with a hammer. This blow came from Russell's co-accused and friend who was then wrestled away by bar staff.

Russell then swung a samurai sword at Mr Rogers and continued to strike at him four or five times before staff dragged him away. He was restrained by the bar manager but managed to escape and fled the scene.

Det Gda Gleeson said that one customer picked up Mr Rogers' hand and placed it in ice in a black bag. The victim was taken to the Mater hospital where he underwent emergency surgery to re-attach his hand. He is 'unlikely to regain full use' of limb.

First of all, good looking, Mr Rogers (I loved that episode where you visited the post office!) Secondly, how the hell do you get a samurai sword into a bar? I mean, I can't even count the times I've been frisked because a doorman suspected my penis was a WMD (which, to their credit, it totally is. Ladies?). Lastly, sorry to hear about your hand, Mr Rogers (don't forget to feed the fish!), but look on the bright side -- Best. Strangers. EVER.

Sword attacker sliced off victim's left hand [independent]

Thanks to Matthew and Cian, who once got their hands cut off but only cried about it. Wow, you two could really learn a thing or two from Mr Rogers here. Including, but not limited to: how to be a good neighbor.

Apr 4 2009 Breakfast Of The Ancients: Baconhenge

Baconhenge is what the ancients ate for breakfast before battling the shit out of each other with rocks and tree branches. Also, sacrificing virgins to the potato gods and dancing around with gourds on their junk (trust me, I mistakenly sat in on an anthropology class when I was high). So, what's in the delicious meal? Basically a bunch of bacon-wrapped French toast sticks standing in a dozen-egg frittata. Mmmm.

Let Baconhenge be the site of your seasonal celebration! Let bacon stand in for the sacrificed Year King, French toast for the Grain Goddess, the eggs in the frittata for the Cosmic Egg, and the vegetables for the bountiful Earth on which we live.

Yeah, you could do that. Or just eat it because it's freaking delicious. Bon Appétit! Or, as we say here in the U.S., Bon Appéboob.

Hit the link for the entire recipe.

Baconhenge [theanticraft]

Thanks to Steve, who got an immediate Bon Appéboner when he saw Baconhenge in real life.

Apr 3 2009 Uh-Oh, They Don't Need Us: Robot Scientist Makes Own Discoveries Without Human Help

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but if you thought yesterday's fire-breathing robot-baby was bad, you're in for a real treat. Adam, a robot scientist, has officially "discovered new scientific knowledge independently of a human operator." Run for the hills folks, and I'm not even kidding.

The device has already identified the role of several genes in yeast cells, and has the ability to plan further experiments to test its own hypotheses. Ross King, from the university's computer science department, remarked that the robot is meant to take care of the tedious aspects of the scientific method, freeing up human scientists for "more advanced experiments."

Yeah, too bad this robotic bastard is gonna trump all the human scientists. How long until a robot receives a Nobel prize -- two, three years? Then what -- what's the next big discovery?

A: That humans are dispensable.*

*This answer based entirely on The Geekologie Writer's own speculation and ability to see the future when he's high. Also, it might be the booze talking, but it's totally not (it is). YOU ROBASTARDS WILL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE! *pew pew*

Thanks to bum master, Chris, Jake, Joemo, Katie, Phil, Austin, Dan, Tank, Adrian, Harrison, two different Jons, Jay, Milkman, adam, Martyn and Charks, who obviously don't care if I have nightmares. Thanks a lot, dicks.

Apr 3 2009 I Want: Jackets Made From Blow-Up Dolls

You heard right, 31-year old Utrecht-based designer Sander Reijgers modifies track jackets with parts from blow-up dolls to make them mad sexy. It's about time!

I customize existing tracksuit tops with parts of the blow-up dolls: the head, the breasts, the vagina, the anus. These dolls are so ugly and vulgar that turning them into something beautiful has become a challenge for me. The doll is a means to convey something else.

ZOMG, I want one! Except I want mine to have like a hundred vaginas and two nipples on the head like little antennae. Wait till the people on the bus seem me! "ZIP ZAP, I AM FROM MARS."

Hit the jump to see several better ones, I only chose this picture for the front page because of that junkie's ass.

Continue Reading " I Want: Jackets Made From Blow-Up Dolls "

Apr 3 2009 Tuantaun Sleeping Bag Becoming Reality?

As you may recall, ThinkGeek cruelly offered a tauntaun sleeping bag as an April Fool's joke, just to break your heart. Well, because of the overwhelming demand for such a product, Thinkgeek has decided to look into actually having them made.

ATTN Tauntaun Fanatics!

Due to an overwhelming tsunami of requests from YOU THE PEOPLE, we have decided to TRY and bring this to life. We have no clue if the suits at Lucasfilms will grant little ThinkGeek a license, nor do we know how much it would ultimately retail for. But if you are interested in ever owning one of these, click the link below and we'll try!

If you go to the product site you can click on the link that says 'Email me IF available' to be notified if they actually get made. But one thing's for sure: if they're getting made, I'm getting laid (in one). Ever made love inside a tauntaun? It's warm. And squishy.

Product Site

Thanks to roflbot (who I may still kill despite the tip) and Allison, whose tauntauns could easily make to the second marker before freezing.

Apr 3 2009 Elevator Garages 'Must Have' For The Rich

We already featured a Lamborghini elevator garage a while ago, now here comes one with a Porsche. Apparently London's rich are going apeshit over these things, and buying them faster than Cardock can build them.

The £40,000 (~$59,000) parking spots can be hidden beneath a flowerbed, lawn, or even another parking space.Owners simply press a button on a keyring to raise they car out of the ground much like the rocket launching apparatus in Thunderbirds.

There is already a four month waiting list to get the sci-fi style parking space installed.

Wow, that sounds like an enormous waste of money. Seriously, I suggest you rich asshats on the waiting list go find some other idiotic way to blow your money. I mean it, go! Haha -- now who's first in line, bitches?!

Pop-up garage is latest London must-have [newslite]

Thanks to towhee, who has a whole elevator garage for her shoes. You know, because women like shoes.

Apr 3 2009 Geekologie Writer Quoted On CakeWrecks

Well, this is the part of the day when I toot my own horn because nobody else will touch it, no matter how much money or free ShamWow I offer. So, the cakewrecks blog (a personal favorite of mine) quoted me in a post about nose cakes yesterday. I'm "that guy from Geekologie". WOOT! I've made it -- I've finally made it! *wipes tear* You see that, dad? And you always said I'd never amount to anything! What? I told you, your rent money is coming! Fix my sink already, God. Also, could you float me a $20 -- I wanna go to the mall.

Cakewrecks

Thanks to Whitney and Melodious Monk for pointing out the PEW.

Apr 3 2009 Angry Villagers Chase Off Street View Car

A group of angry villagers in Broughton, England chased off a Google Street View car because they feared an invasion of privacy and increased crime in the area.

"I was upstairs when I spotted the camera car driving down the lane," resident Paul Jacobs told The Times of London. "My immediate reaction was anger: How dare anyone take a photograph of my home without my consent? I ran outside to flag the car down and told the driver he was not only invading our privacy but also facilitating crime.

"This is an affluent area. We've already had three burglaries locally in the past six weeks. If our houses are plastered all over Google it's an invitation for more criminals to strike. I was determined to make a stand, so I called the police."

Just to be fair, I broke into Mr. Jacob's home and stole his valuables and last bowl of cereal just to prove that, even without Street View, The Geekologie Writer will still rob you blind. But seriously, Paul, if you could pick up some more Raisin Nut Bran, that would be awesome.

Gang of villagers chase away Google car [cnn]

Thanks to Brad, who once chased a Google Street View car six blocks before he realized it was a pizza delivery guy.

Apr 3 2009 Par 3: The World's Most Extreme Golf Hole

South Africa's Legends Golf & Safari Resort has a very special hole 19 -- a par 3 with a teebox that sits 1,400 feet above the green. The 630-yard hole requires a helicopter to reach the tee and a ball takes nearly 30 seconds to drop to the green below (provided you don't whiff it).

Playing all 19 holes runs about 2,000 South African rand, or about $220 in American bills, but for that you get the helicopter ride, plus a bunch of souvenir swag and a DVD of your shot.

Sweeeeet. Nailing a hole-in-one on the the 19th nets you a cool $1 million. So, practice your swing and meet me in South Africa (read: you bring radio-controlled balls).

Hit the jump for an amazing video of the hole.

Continue Reading " Par 3: The World's Most Extreme Golf Hole "

Apr 3 2009 Reader Makes Tribble Cage From Old Monitor

Geekologie Reader Jen went and made a Tribble cage out of an old CRT monitor. For those of you who don't know, Tribbles are those adorable furry bastards from the Star Trek series. And as you can see, Jen did a great job making a wonderful little home for one. Good looking. Just don't get him wet -- we don't want any Gremlins on our hands! Haha, do I know my stuff or what?

Hit the jump for six more close-ups of the custom cage.

Continue Reading " Reader Makes Tribble Cage From Old Monitor "

Apr 3 2009 UPDATE: A Helicopter Hotel That Flies

The Hotelicopter is allegedly real, although I have some serious doubts (especially if you go to THIS PAGE and see how they're hocking some renderings as real "test flight" pictures). That, and we're two days to April 1st. Still, it might be (but it's totally not).

Experience the adrenaline rush of taking off and flying high in the largest helicopter ever produced. The Hotelicopter features 18 luxuriously-appointed rooms for adrenaline junkies seeking a truly unique and memorable travel experience.

The Hotelicopter is modeled on the Soviet-made Mil V-12, of which there were only two prototypes ever made. The Mil V-12 took its first flight in Russia in 1968 and was awarded numerous world records, which it still holds today. The vehicle also earned the prestigious Sikorsky Prize awarded by the American Helicopter Society for outstanding achievements in helicopter technology.

The Hotelicopter Company purchased one of these prototypes from the Mikhail Leontyevich Mil helicopter plant in Panki-Tomilino, Russia in 2004 and have been engineering the world's first flying hotel ever since.

Eh. Even if it is real I can't say I'm that excited. And not just because I could never afford a flight. No, I'm afraid of heights. Which is why I sleep on a mattress on the floor. Now, which one of you lovely ladies wanna join the ten-inch high club? Memory-foam topper, just sayin'.

UPDATE: FAKE, I just got an email from Hotelicopter.

Thanks for your coverage of The Hotelicopter!

I wanted to let you know that while The Hotelicopter is not real, hotelicopter the company is - we're a new travel brand launching next week.

Can you please update your post accordingly? We did ask Yotel permission to use their images in our prank, and they agreed.

Hit the jump for a couple more of the questionableness, including the interior.

Continue Reading " UPDATE: A Helicopter Hotel That Flies "

Apr 2 2009 Who Called It?: Fire-Breathing Robo-Baby Of Death Unleashed Upon The World

When I'm right, I'm right. And I was right. This is what death looks like.

Sculptor Kenji Yanobe's Giant Torayan robot, a 7.2-meter (24-ft) tall mechanical baby that sings, dances and spits fire, was sighted in Tokyo's Roppongi district last night. The fire-breathing robot spent the night on center stage at "Roppongi Art Night," an all-night event featuring installations and performances by dozens of artists at various venues in the area.

Well folks, it's been fun. *guzzling booze and Amoxicillin*

UPDATE: Am I dead? My tummy hurts.

Hit the jump for a bunch more of the last thing you'll ever see.

Continue Reading " Who Called It?: Fire-Breathing Robo-Baby Of Death Unleashed Upon The World "

Apr 2 2009 Today's Awesome Failure Award Goes To....

Well, actually, it's a tie. First, a liquor store robber who probably had his mommy drive him there while he finished his juice box.

Police say a 19-year-old who tried to rob a liquor store sat down and cried after 76-year-old owner locked him in the store. The man was accused of trying to rob Sykes Liquor Store in Trenton Monday night. Police said the owner, who was behind the counter, triggered the lock after the man grabbed a bottle of Hennessy cognac and bolted for the door.

The man then allegedly pulled out a handgun and demanded to be released. But the owner said he saw that the gun was a fake, refused to unlock the door and called police.

Police said the suspect threw away the gun, slumped to the floor and was crying when officers arrived to arrest him.

Wow, that is both sad and awesome at the same time. Kind of like the first time I had sex, but without the -- oh wait, he was crying. Yep, exactly like that then. Next, an idiotic failure at life who called 911 after "locking" herself in her car.

A woman called Kissimmee police to say she was locked inside her car at the Walgreen's on John Young Parkway near Poinciana.

"My car will not start. I'm locked inside my car," the unidentified woman said. "Nothing electrical works. And it's getting very hot in here, and I'm not feeling well."

The dispatcher asked the woman if she was able to manually pull the lock up on the door. The woman said she would try, and then, she said, "Yes, I got the door open."

Can we please get that woman's license revoked? And also, oxygen supply. If only she hadn't gotten reception....damn you, Verizon network!

Man cries after attempt to rob liquor store fails [yahoonews]
and
Woman to 911: Help! I'm locked inside my car [orlandosentinel]

Thanks to Joemo and Jason, who have never cried because when they feel a tear coming they just punch themselves in the eye until it goes away.

Apr 2 2009 8-Line Super Tetris Playing Full Screen Game

Remember the crazy full-screen Tetris game we posted a couple weeks ago? Well apparently after a while of playing it starts giving you 8-block straight pieces, and you can use these to drop a monster 2,560 point super-tetris (octris). WHEE DOGGIES! It took the person that made this video about 2 hours of playing to complete the task, but this is just 3:32 of the most exciting part. Which, quite frankly, isn't that exciting. I really don't suggest watching it, because it's basically 3 minutes of the program SLOWLY clearing the lines. I don't know if that's because the game is slow or the player is rocking an old 386, but whatever the case, I want that person's job. They don't do jackshit at work.

Giant Tetris Thread [speedsolving]

Thanks to Emile & Popla, who beat the game on level 9-5 and got to see the whole band play and space shuttle blast off.

Apr 2 2009 Why Didn't I Think Of That?: Bacon Lube

That's right folks, bacon lube. Goes perfect when your lady (or man) is wearing a bacon bra and you're scarfing a meat-ship in bed (double entendre, count it!). Ah, heaven.

As many of you know, we're huge bacon lovers here at J&D's. We now make Bacon Salt, Baconnaise and Bacon Lip Balm. That last one seemed like a stretch at first, but now that bacon has successfully made the jump from food to personal care, we're pushing it even further.

With that said, we're happy to introduce our newest product, baconlube™. It's not for sale yet, but we're looking for early product testers to put our "Everything should taste like bacon" tagline to the test. Please email us at keepitsizzlin@baconsalt.com to get on our beta tester list.

My God that sounds delicious. From fish to bacon in just a few drops. I'm really hoping this wasn't an April Fools joke either, because that would just be cruel. I went ahead and added myself to the beta tester list and haven't gotten an email back yet calling me an idiot, so that's a good sign. Now, ladies, what do you say: me, you, some Baconlube? Haha, did I just describe your wildest fantasy? Well tell me -- in your fantasy did you make me a BLT afterwards? Because that's a must.

Product Site

Thanks to Erik, bob, Julian, Lyles and Joseph, who pre-ordered a case and are gonna try to raise money for more bacon with a baconlube bikini wrestling exhibition.

Apr 2 2009 Apple iPhoto, You're Almost Too Good

This is a picture of some delicious cookies waiting to be baked, and as you can see, Apple iPhoto spotted a face in the crowd. ZOMG -- is that you, Mr. Cookie Bear?! OM NOM NOM NOM!

map~map's Flickr Gallery

Thanks to Duan, who once tried to bake a real bear but the tranquilizer dart wore off and it broke out of the oven and destroyed his kitchen.

Apr 2 2009 Good Stuff: Remakes Of The Peekaru Picture

Remember Peekaru, the $80 vest that makes it look like a young mutant is bursting forth from your bosom? Yeah, well the folks over at Emptees have a huge gallery of Photoshopped versions. I've included a few of my favorites after the jump, so check them out. Then hit the link at the bottom to see the entire Emptees gallery, which is slightly NSFW because there are two with boobs. But honestly, I barely noticed them. And I definitely didn't print them out in color. And I definitely didn't forget to go pick them up from the print....uh-oh.

UPDATE: What bullshit, printing out a picture of a boob IS NOT sexual harassment. I swear, some people. Oh well -- anybody hiring?

Hit it, toots.

Continue Reading " Good Stuff: Remakes Of The Peekaru Picture "

Apr 2 2009 What's Under The Zipper?: Sackboy Anatomy

This is another anatomical rendering by Jason Freeney of Sackboy's innards. As you can see, there are guts under that zipper. Of course, I already knew that because I got all stabby on him once when he wouldn't give me his wallet. Yeah, and all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't stitch Sackboy together again. So, let that be a lesson to the rest of you.

Jason Freeney's Website
and
The Anatomy Of A Sackboy [kotaku]

Thanks to Julian, who took one for the team and pointed out Sackboy's genitalia was modeled after his own so I wouldn't have to.

Apr 2 2009 Game Timer Keeps DS'ing Addiction In Check

Snap -- you just got double entendre'd, son! Moving on. The Health Control Game Timer shuts down your Nintendo DS if you've been playing for too long. How long is too long? Apparently 30, 60, 90 or 120 minutes.

The device also features a distance sensor that will flash a red light when your face gets too close to the screen during those unusually intense gaming sessions.

The highly questionable piece of shit costs $40 and won't work to curb your problem whatsoever. If you really have a gaming addiction you'll either A) never buy one, B) turn the system back on and keep playing for another 2 hours, or 3) pull the device out and Hulk smash it to bits. I mean, it's not liked it's chained to the DS or anything. And, haha, speaking of not being chained to things -- I stole your bike! Now, check out this sick jump I've been working on. *WICKA-POW* Ladies, consider yourself pregnant.

Heatlh Control Game Timer puts digital leash on Nintendo DS fanatics [dvice]

Apr 1 2009 Google's CADIE And Gmail's Auto-Pilot

Well folks, the apocalypse is upon us. Google has foolishly unleashed the world's first "artificial intelligence tasked-array system" (death-bot) upon the world. CADIE (Cognitive Autoheuristic Distributed-Intelligence Entity) is going to kill us all, and, even worse, delete all the porno on the internet (personal speculation).

So although CADIE technology will be rolled out with the caution befitting any advance of this magnitude, in the months to come users can expect to notice her influence on various google.com properties. Earlier today, for instance, CADIE deduced from a quick scan of the visual segment of the social web a set of online design principles from which she derived this intriguing homepage.

Nice homepage, reminds me of my own. But to her credit, CADIE has actually done some good. Namely, creating a Gmail program that answers your emails for you when you're too busy getting hosed down (violently, not sensually) by the coming robot army. It's called Auto-Pilot.

As more and more everyday communication takes place over email, lots of people have complained about how hard it is to read and respond to every message. This is because they actually read and respond to all their messages.

But what happens if a sender and recipient both have Autopilot on?

Two Gmail accounts can happily converse with each other for up to three messages each. Beyond that, our experiments have shown a significant decline in the quality ranking of Autopilot's responses and further messages may commit you to dinner parties or baby namings in which you have no interest.

There you have it folks, April Fools, 2009. See you all tomorrow, when telling your girlfriend you got her sister pregnant stops being funny and starts being real.

Google
and
Gmail Auto-Pilot
and
CADIE's Blog

Thanks to TJ, sofa king, Smith III, amy, The Mighty Musnud, Dave180!, oisin and Ryan, who only drive on auto-pilot. Nice guys, that's safe.

Apr 1 2009 Shii, The Controversial Wii For Her

This is a foreign commercial for the Shii, a Wii for her. It's wrong on every level and the games are all super-sexist. Which I 100% don't approve of, except for the cooking and cleaning ones, which seemed alright. Oh, and the last one. But besides those it's an awful concept. And sexist. Which, again, I don't approve of. Ladies?

Shii : enfin une Wii pour les femmes! [dailymotion]

Thanks to VS, who once threw a Wiimote through the glass ceiling.

Apr 1 2009 Own A Plastic Box Of NYC Trash For $50

Nope, not April Fools either. Real boxes of "hand-picked" trash from the streets of New York City are available for $50 from greedy garbage tycoon Justin Gignac. You can also get limited edition boxes from Yankee Stadium or New Year's Eve for $100.

I sell garbage. I scour New York City streets picking up trash. After filling bags with subway passes, Broadway tickets, and other NYC junk, I carefully arrange plastic cubes full of the stuff. Each box is unique and won't leak or smell. The cubes are then signed, numbered, and dated, making them perfect for anyone wo wants their own piece of the NYC landscape.

Apparently Justin has already sold over 700 cubes in over 41 states and 19 countries. So, somebody start selling them for $10, and maybe I'll buy one. People buying trash off the streets of New York City, that is just amazing. Well, like the saying goes, "one man's trash is another man's free needle". I'm gonna try shooting glue!

Hit the jump for a close-up of a cube.

Continue Reading " Own A Plastic Box Of NYC Trash For $50 "

Apr 1 2009 Guy Dies Playing Wii Fit, Sadly Not April Fools

25-year old England native Tim Eves collapsed and died while playing Wii Fit with his girlfriend and best friend. I am officially never working out again.

Tim Eves was 'jogging' on a Wii Fit games console as Emma Tuck and Lewis Hickin looked on, when he slumped to the floor.

The family were told he could have been killed by Sudden Adult Death Syndrome. Also known as Sudden Arrhythmia Death Syndrome, it is a disorder of the electrical system of the heart.

Those with the condition are vulnerable to an abnormal heart rhythm. During exercise the heart may stop pumping out blood, causing the brain to become deprived of blood and sudden death. The condition is estimated to kill 500 people a year.

Well Tim, I hope you're enjoying that great Wii Mii parade in the sky. Rest in peace, buddy.

'Healthy' man, 25, collapses and dies playing Wii Fit game [mailonline]

Thanks to Pat and Nathan, who vow to create public service messages about the inherent risks of exercise.

Apr 1 2009 A Sneak Peek Into QualComm's R&D Dept

This is a rare sneak-peek into Qualcomm's normally top-secret R&D Department. I thought it was both informative and awesome, especially the bit at the end with the junior engineer. After watching, I think we can all agree that Qualcomm is, in fact, the future of wireless communications. And what a bright future it is. CAW CAW!

Official Site
and
Youtube

Thanks to jaime, Jennie and Jeff, who have been breeding leopardhawks for years.

Apr 1 2009 Awesome New Products From ThinkGeek

Squeeze Bacon and a Tauntaun sleeping bag, it's about freaking time!

This high-quality sleeping bag looks just like a Tauntaun, complete with saddle, internal intestines and glowing lightsaber zipper pull. Use the lightsaber zipper pull to illustrate how Han Solo saved Luke Skywalker from certain death in the freezing climate of Hoth by slitting open the belly of a dead Tauntaun and placing Luke inside the stinking (but warm) carcass.

Awesome!

Squeez Bacon® is fully cooked 100% bacon, it requires no preservatives or other additives. Each serving is as healthy as real bacon, and equivalent to 4 premium slices of bacon! You can put it on sandwiches, pizza, pastas, bacon, soups, pies, eat it hot or cold (warm Squeez Bacon® on toasted rye is to die for), substitute it for bacon in your recipes, or even eat it right out of the tube like we do!

The Tauntaun bag will set you back $40, and a tube of Squeez Bacon® will cost you $8. Unfortunately, they're both fake and you can't buy either one (April Fools!). Still, ThinkGeek is pretty foolish for not actually making these. So who knows, maybe they will (at least the sleeping bag). Because if they don't, I'm going to. I'd just prefer they do it because I'm lazy. I haven't even left the bed today! Seriously, I'm running out of dry spots.

Squeeze Bacon
and
Tauntaun Sleeping Bag
via
ThinkGeek (with several other April Fools products)

Thanks to Chrissy Poopy Pants McBacon Lover, brittany and xring, who would totally scarf some Squeez Bacon® while nestled at the bottom of their Tauntaun sleeping bags while reading comics by flashlight.

Apr 1 2009 Great: Controlling Robots With Your Mind

The Honda Research Institute Japan, along with ATR and Shimadzu Corporation (all of whom can expect threatening letters from yours truly) has developed a system that makes it possible to control robots with your thoughts alone. Wow, this doesn't sound scary at all.

The technology uses electroencephalography (EEG) and near-infrared spectroscopy (NIRS) to allow a human to control a robot, in this case the Honda ASIMO, using mere thought. The technology offers up to 90 percent control accuracy without the use of physical implants, a huge milestone in human-to-robot interface that the research group hopes will yield new advances in robotics and artificial intelligence.

What could possibly go wrong? Besides everything. And by everything I mean the destruction of the entire human race. And also, this LEGO castle I'm building. But I put so much time into it!

Hit the jump for a video explaining the technology.

Continue Reading " Great: Controlling Robots With Your Mind "

Apr 1 2009 'Alpine Legend' Coming To XBox 360

This is a commercial for the Xbox's latest 'Guitar Hero' style game, 'Alpine Legend'. Designed for two players, one yodels while the other plays a monster skin-horn (aka alphorn). Obviously, this is some April 1st trickery so feel free to send the video to your friends and then call them an idiot and revoke your friendship when they get excited about the game. Which may or may not have happened to me (read: it did). Damn you, Scott, you got me good, man! That's okay though, I slept with your girlfriend. APRIL FOO....haha, not this time buddy.

Hit the jump for a real Hong-Kong XBox commercial that's just wack.

Continue Reading " 'Alpine Legend' Coming To XBox 360 "

Mar 31 2009 Man Scores DUI On Homemade Barstool Kart

Kile Wygle (awesome name), 28, recently received a DUI after crashing his homemade bar-stool kart (pictured) and calling 911.

Kile crashed his bar stool near his Newark home earlier this month and called 911 due to his injuries. When an officer arrived and asked Wygle what happened, he answered, "I wrecked my bar stool." According to a Newark Police Division report, a copy of which you'll find here, Wygle's homemade ride is powered by a Briggs & Stratton lawnmower engine. Wygle noted that the bar stool could hit nearly 40 miles per hour, but that he was only going 20 when he wiped out late in the afternoon on March 4 (a witness told police that he spotted someone driving a "strange motorized machine" before the crash). A plastered Wygle, who failed a series of field sobriety tests, was charged with DUI and driving with a suspended license, both misdemeanors. His bar stool was not impounded.

Damnit Kile, why'd you have to go and call the cops? You should have just brushed yourself off and then popped wheelies all the way home. You could have been Rad to the power of Sick! But nooooo. Now you're just DUI to the power of APB: Kile's riding his bar-stool drunk again. You failure.

Cops Bust Stool Fool [thesmokinggun]

Thanks to Jerkster, Just...A Guy, Timo, Stacey, Chris and BiSScuiTT, who are all smart enough to drive on the sidewalk.

Mar 31 2009 Dining Table Doubles As Ping Pong Table

The PING-PONG Dining Table by designer Hunn Wai is a luxurious looking table fit for both eating and beating the old ball around after dinner.

PING-PONG Dining table harks back to the origins of table-tennis with its duality of both being a table fit for dining and playing on. What started off as impromptu after-dinner amusement mimicking tennis in an indoor environment for upper-class Victorians became an international phenomenon with rules and standards. This is an official-sized game table with a DuPont Corian surface CNC machine-routed with French Rococo patterns interjected with Ping-pong iconography filled with gold lacquer, supported by stately hand-lathed timber legs. In the middle, a long rectangular vase filled with dainty blossoms does double-duty as a game-net and a table floral arrangement.

I want it. I don't care how much it costs, I want it. I freaking love myself some table tennis. You think I'm kidding? I sleep with my favorite paddle at night. He has a name, and it's Spanky. What's that, Spanky -- I've been bad? Ooooh, [PRIVATE PRIVATE PRIVATE]. 30-love, Spanky, 30-LOOOOVE!! And I'm finished. Now, could you go tell one of your little athletic sock friends to come in here for a minute?

Hit the jump for several more of the opulence.

Continue Reading " Dining Table Doubles As Ping Pong Table "

Mar 31 2009 Netflix Announces Blu-ray Renting Costs

Yesterday Netflix announced its new cost structure for adding Blu-ray access to you account, just in case you were wondering. Basically, it costs $1 more than the number of discs you can have out at one time (if you're on the 3-at-a-time plan, adding Blu-ray costs $4 a month, for the 4-at-a-time, $5 a month, etc.). So there you have it. Of course, if you're looking to save money instead of spending it, you should do what I do and only rent from The Pirate Bay. And by rent I mean download. And by download I mean I heard they have porn. Which, *poker face* I don't know anything about.

Netflix Blog

Thanks to The Superficial Writer, who's still convinced HD DVD is gonna make a comeback.

Mar 31 2009 Puff Puff Pass: USB Smokeless Cigarettes

Need a nicotine fix but can't leave your cube? No problem! Puff on a Health E-Cigarette from Thanko! Identical to pretty much ever other electronic cigarette out there, the $30 device "uses a heating element to vaporize a nicotine solution to supposedly give you a purer smoking experience", which is just fancy marketing jargon for, "short-circuit and burn your office to the ground". Trust me folks, I hold a Master's in Marketing. And also, Lovemaking. You see this? You see this move I'm doing right now? Senior thesis, baby.

Thanko's USB-powered Health E-Cigarettes sound healthy [engadget]

Thanks to Julian, who once got caught smoking a tampon in the boy's room because some upperclassmen told him it was a cigar.

Mar 31 2009 Frost The Head And The Body Will Die

This is a zombie cake loyal Geekologie Reader Carol made for her boyfriend. It really made me hope that, somewhere out there, a woman is honing her baking skills and waiting to meet me. Of course, I'm not holding my breath. But I am holding my penis hopes up. Per Carol:

Apparently there isn't much of a market for face/limb based cakes so just purchasing molds was out. I ended up using about 5 layers of aluminum foil and shaped them in to a half assed face and hand.

Coat the molds with cooking spray and put them in to standard baking pans, it helps to re-enforce the mold with balled up foil underneath so it doesn't distort under the weight of the cake.

Slap your cakey zombie bits on to a sheet or round cake and get creative...

I used a shit ton of green food coloring, lindor truffles for eyes, and white chocolate for the teeth/finger nails.

Good looking, Carol. Or should I say, "NHAAAR, BRAAAAAAINS"! Oh, I shouldn't? Okay. Well good looking, Carol. Or should I say, "good tasting"? No? "NOM NOM"? I'd hit that shit like a corpse!

Thanks to Carol, who actually came up with that whole frosting the head bit, I'm just a thief. You see this? Yeah, that's your heart.

Mar 31 2009 Ooh, Scienc-y: Video Of AIDS Spreading

No, it's not unprotected sex, it's a video showing how an infected AIDS cell spreads the disease to other, healthy cells. It's the first time the process has ever been caught on video, and scientists hope the information will help in the search for a cure.

The study was made possible after experts created a molecular clone of infectious HIV and inserted a protein into its genetic code which glows green when exposed to blue light.

They noted that when an infected cell came into contact with a healthy one, a bridge was created between them, called a virological synapse.

"We should be developing vaccines that help the immune system recognise proteins involved in virological synapse formation and antiviral drugs that target the factors required for synapse formation."

Hey, whatever helps find a cure. I can't wait till we wipe out all these STDs and then the only thing you have to get worry about is getting a girl pregnant. Which, at least for me, is no concern -- I have a laptop on my balls 10 hours a day!

Scientists film HIV spreading for first time [telegraph]

Thanks to Joemo, who once got a whole women's volleyball team pregnant just by attending a game.

Mar 31 2009 Wow: Minas Tirith Recreated In Matchsticks

Minas Tirith, the City of Kings from J.R.R. Tolkien's Lord Of The Rings trilogy is painstakingly being recreated using matchsticks by wood-loving Patrick Acton. The project started in March, 2007, and Patrick expects to be completed by late 2010. Good looking, Pat, say -- mind if I do a j? *whoosh* Oh, uh-oh.

Hit the jump for several more of the progress and a link to Patrick's work-in-progress page.

Continue Reading " Wow: Minas Tirith Recreated In Matchsticks "

Mar 31 2009 Ooh, Pouchy: Carry Your Kid Like A Kangaroo

You know, or an alien bursting out of your chest. The Peekaru is an $80 vest that makes you look and feel like a wallaby. BOING BOING BOING! Look at you -- you're Tigger! Well, if Tigger were a kangaroo and didn't hang out with that Debby Downer Eeyore all the time (seriously, kill yourself already). But note: The Peekaru doesn't actually hold your kid, you have to have a baby carrier on, it just keeps them warm and makes it look like they're a joey.

Let a Peekaru Original simplify the process of getting out of the door. Wear your Peekaru over any baby carrier and you're ready for cooler weather. Add a coat and you're ready for winter. Whether it's a crisp fall evening walk, a winter carnival, or a springtime parade, the Peekaru will keep your baby toasty warm without the clutter.

Say, you know what else keeps babies warm without the clutter? Coats. Yeah, and that way they don't have to be strapped to your teat the whole time either. Just saying, sometimes daddy needs a suckle too.

Hit the jump for a couple more shots.

Continue Reading " Ooh, Pouchy: Carry Your Kid Like A Kangaroo "

Mar 30 2009 World's Coolest Flight Attendant Goes To....

This guy apparently, because he raps all the flight information to the passengers. Personally, I think the title is debatable. I mean, for one: he's not me. And for two: I heard NWA does it better. *SWISH*

Youtube

Thanks to Curtis and Jcon, who tried to start a rapping taxi-cab company but failed because they kept running over bums while they were trying to bust the fresh beats.

Mar 30 2009 Spock Sackboy Lives Long And Prospers

Somebody went and made a crochet Spock Sackboy (Spackboy) in celebration of the upcoming Star Trek movie. Also, I guess they like Little Big Planet. Which makes sense because of, you know, the, uh, transitive property? I don't know, I failed my college proofs class. And not just because I spent most of the period trying to take camera-phone pictures of the girl in front of me's thong. Haha, that would be ridiculous. But I do have several thousand.

Hit the jump to see a couple shots of Spackboy hanging out with a cat.

Continue Reading " Spock Sackboy Lives Long And Prospers "

Mar 30 2009 Pac-Man Zero Gravity: Not Really That Fun

Haha, but that didn't stop me from playing all the way to level 3! Well, if there is a level 3. They kind of all looked the same. Messy.

Once the gameplay kicks in, gravity switches off, and Inky, Blinky, Pinky, Clyde, the power pills and dots all get to floating around the darkness of space.

You won't be able to get through this game by memorizing patterns while playing this version. Your only hope is to gobble up a power pill, which turns on gravity for a few seconds, sucking every object in the direction of the red gravity arrow - but the ghosts never turn blue for you to chomp on.

You can download the game HERE if you really want. I found that a good technique is to push a piece of wall around in front so the ghosts can't get to you. But The Superficial Writer pointed out an even better technique: "stop playing that shit, you idiot".

if pac-man obeyed the laws of physics [technabob]

Mar 30 2009 Yeah, I Beat It: NES Test Cartridge On eBay

Want a NES Joystick Test Cartridge? Pfft, who doesn't! Well now you can, thanks to a $1,050 eBay auction. Best. Game. Ever!

This is a Joystick Test Cartridge for the Nintendo Entertainment System. These carts were given to game stores to test their Nintendo Entertainment Systems and were suppose to be returned to the company that provided the carts. These are very hard to find since they were never sold on the market. Any NES Collector could appreciate the value of such an item. There is wear on the label as can be seen in the picture.

Listen, just because something is "very hard to find", doesn't mean it's worth $1,050. Case in point: my penis. Little help over here!

eBay Auction
via
NES Joystick Test Cartridge lands on eBay, complete with lowest replay value ever [engadget]

Thanks to Tim, who made it to level 9 before he realized he was playing a Joystick Test Cartridge.

Mar 30 2009 Time-Lapse Video of Mushrooms Growing

This is a highly erotic time-lapse video of some Psilocybe cubensis "gold cap" mushrooms growing. It was created using 1,661 photos over the course of 5 days, 18 hours and 25 minutes. I really liked the zoom-out effect during the video, I thought that was a nice touch. Also, one time I thought I was a superhero and had a slow-motion fight with my friends in their college apartment. That wasn't mushrooms though, that was Robitussin. But seriously kids: drugs are bad, and I'm living proof. Living proof of awesome, RAWR! Whoa -- did you hear that? Sounded like a dinosaur.

Youtube

Thanks to leftRIGHTleft, who found this video even sexier than I did, which is saying a lot because my pants caught fire.

Mar 30 2009 Students Attempt Dinosaur Theft, Fail

A group of students, celebrating the end of a school course, decided to steal a life-size triceratops replica from the Dinosaur Museum in Dorchester, England. Unfortunately, they didn't get very far before being stopped by the man. Which is a shame, because I would have bought it from them on the black market.

Deciding to relocate it in the middle of a roundabout as a joke, they set about lifting the 20ft long and 10ft tall plastic triceratops. But just as they carried it off above their heads into the night, they were stopped in their tracks by a policeman.

The revellers were ordered to take the dinosaur back immediately otherwise they would have been arrested for theft and criminal damage.

The Dinosaur Museum in Dorchester is packed full of life-sized reconstructions of dinosaurs, alongside skeletons and fossils.

The museum's website says the models 'beg to be touched by little hands - and that is encouraged, as is the handling of some of the dinosaur fossils.'

What the? *booking flight to England* Hello, Dinosaur Museum? Yes, I was wondering about the possibility of renting out your facility for a private party. Number of guests? One. Also, is there a pharmacy nearby? I'm gonna need some lube. Oooh, and boner pills.

Hit the jump for one more of the sexy shenanigans.

Continue Reading " Students Attempt Dinosaur Theft, Fail "

Mar 29 2009 Questionable Women's Razor Commercial

This is a questionable commercial for the Shick Quattro For Women TrimStyle with Bikini Trimmer. I'm outraged it was allowed to air because my six-year old just asked me about "those transforming bushes". You know what I told him? Decepticons.

Youtube

Thanks to "Captain Partytime" Mike, who may wreck the ship, but he'll have one hell of a good time doing it.

Mar 29 2009 ShamWow Guy ShamPows Hooker's Face

First of all, Vince Shlomi, the ShamWow guy, is 44 years old. In the infomercials he doesn't look a day over a very douchey 25. Secondly, a $1,000 hooker tried biting his tongue off during a sexual encounter at a South Beach hotel and Vince was forced to ShamPow her in the face until she let go. Damn, that is some freaky cannibal S & M shit. And lastly, since when is being the ShamWow guy not enough to get a dude laid for free? Next thing you know you'll tell me Ron Popeil isn't sticking his Solid Flavor Injector to a bunch of groupies. Now back me up here, Ron. Ron? What do you mean you're a 'Pocket Fisherman'?

Hit the jump for a raggedly looking ShamWow guy and hooker.

Continue Reading " ShamWow Guy ShamPows Hooker's Face "