Feb 10 2009It's About Time: How To Convert Your Natural Joystick Into A Functional Atari Controller
NOTE: VIDEO IS PROBABLY NSFW DEPENDING ON HOW YOUR EMPLOYER FEELS ABOUT A GUY TREATING HIS JUNK LIKE AN ATARI JOYSTICK.
Wow, I've seen it all now. And, quite frankly, I'm surprised I didn't see it earlier.
(The Joydick is) a wearable haptic device for controlling video gameplay based on realtime male masturbation. Through the use of a carefully designed strap-on interface, the user's penis is converted into a joystick capable of moving the character onscreen in all four cardinal directions. For games requiring the fire button, a separate ring can be worn which converts hand-strokes into button presses.
Super, so it can move in all four cardinal directions -- but what about the hummingbird directions, huh? I've heard they can fly backwards. BOOM! That was your head exploding from my profoundness. Take the rest of the day off, GW's orders.
Joydick Atari game controller [boingboing]
Thanks to Amanda, Praveen and Stirling, who don't need this because they have the power to enter video games and have sex with the actual characters. Joust, baby, Joust.
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Reader Comments
1. boxofwine - February 10, 2009 12:03 PM
I think I will take the rest of the day off. Thanks GW. I may even play a few video games with my little buddy. I can sometimes make it past level 1. PEW!
2. $.02 and a pocket full of FAH-Q - February 10, 2009 12:05 PM
I have no issue communicating without the use of profanity. Quite frankly, the english language offers much more colorful adjectives. The point being made is simply that in this country, where this blog is hosted, we have freedom of speech. The same freedom of speech that would protect this blogger (GW) in court. I find it rather disingenuous of him to post NSFW content and genitalia jokes, then censor our comments about them.
This post proves my point with the utmost clarity.
They should make a few modifications though
1- Make one for boobs and vagina. girls should be able to game too.
2- Make attachment that responds to your s/o's mouth... wrap your imagination around that one... complete with controls on the ears for those "tricky" directional moves.
3. Daisy - February 10, 2009 12:12 PM
FAKE!!!!
This is a complete photoshop job. You can tell its a fake because the shadow's are all wrong.
This is exactly like that scene in the movie Never Back Down where Max got the king of druidia to divulge the combination to the force field around the planet. When they found it to be 1-2-3-4-5 He commented on how stupid it is, and that its the type of combination an idiot puts on his luggage.
Later when he told the combination to president Skroob, the president said - thats the same combination I have on my luggage.
4. Moose Knuckle - February 10, 2009 12:14 PM
Like playing with yourself isn't entertaining enough already
5. gigl - February 10, 2009 12:27 PM
brings the two worlds of pewpewpew together.
6. dedo - February 10, 2009 12:30 PM
i would fail at that game
7. Hunter - February 10, 2009 12:36 PM
Okay, seriously? Who on earth would orgasm to centipede?!?
8. T. - February 10, 2009 12:39 PM
I like how after he loses, another person shows up behind him in the TV reflection...That wouldn't be awkward.
"OH! DAD......I was just playing your Atari, I may have modded it a bit....no, I was messy eating yogurt..."
9. LSDiesel - February 10, 2009 12:48 PM
@7, I would. I would orgasm to centipede. You're obviously missing out on the little things in life.
10. Angel Mass - February 10, 2009 1:00 PM
Everyday we keep finding new uses for our friend down there.
Cant wait to play Tetris
11. naas - February 10, 2009 1:01 PM
Yesterday it was gay he-man drawings, today it's a wearable dildo so we can beat off to old atari games.....what will tomorrow bring? I don't even want to see the video since it likely of some gamer having a technoelectronic hand party.
Thank goodness for that prosthetic hottie post today otherwise I'd think GW was playing baseball on the wrong side of the field.
12. Ollie Williams Is A Dirty C.unt - February 10, 2009 1:09 PM
cock
13. Ollie Williams Is A Dirty C.unt - February 10, 2009 1:10 PM
shit
14. Ollie Williams Is A Dirty C.unt - February 10, 2009 1:12 PM
titty (not ti.ts altough they are one and the same)
15. Ollie Williams Is A Dirty C.unt - February 10, 2009 1:13 PM
dick
16. Ollie Williams Is A Dirty C.unt - February 10, 2009 1:14 PM
ass
17. Ollie Williams Is A Dirty C.unt - February 10, 2009 1:14 PM
asshole
18. Ollie Williams Is A Dirty C.unt - February 10, 2009 1:15 PM
piss
19. Ollie Williams Is A Dirty C.unt - February 10, 2009 1:15 PM
bitch
20. Ollie Williams Is A Dirty C.unt - February 10, 2009 1:17 PM
F.uck
C.unt
T.its
WTF=What The F.uck so why can't we spell it out?
21. BOOSH! - February 10, 2009 1:33 PM
This might be the dawn of a new epic realm of (sexless) nerdiness.
I honestly don't know how you people walk around with those things.
22. jumpin_j - February 10, 2009 1:34 PM
Ah, something that REALLY goes "oh yes, oh god, PEW PEWPEW!!!"
Yes thank you, thanks a lot. I'll be here all week. Tip the veal and try the waitress.
23. naas - February 10, 2009 1:49 PM
Ollie must have the day off or being attack by boredom.
taint
24. B - February 10, 2009 1:54 PM
Nice Spaceballs reference Daisy :-/
And you could see the camera guys reflection the whole time in the tv, not just when he..um...lost (his load).
For some reason I'm oddly turned on by this.
25. Sporty McDouglas - February 10, 2009 2:01 PM
This is perfect when I get a boner while gaming...
...which is all the time..
26. ds6220 - February 10, 2009 2:25 PM
anyone notice the 2nd person in the background? all you can see is the shadow and it is at the very end.....when he is spanking himself a new high score.
27. Ollie Williams F.ucks Children - February 10, 2009 2:57 PM
@23
I am not Ollie. I hate that guy.
28. pirhan - February 10, 2009 3:05 PM
Best one yet Daisy.
Anyone else check out the guy in the back that's reflected on the TV screen? Creepy much?
29. meme - February 10, 2009 3:07 PM
#26 - yeah I saw that and I was wondering the same thing. What's up with the dude in the background watching?
30. homeless - February 10, 2009 3:11 PM
Thanks gw,now i need a job...
31. Jeff Sparkman - February 10, 2009 3:23 PM
Gives a new meaning to "BOOM! HEADSHOT!"
32. nikeforces - February 10, 2009 4:09 PM
Aww man this is was the highlight of my day
33. naas - February 10, 2009 4:20 PM
@27 I'm not talking about Ollie I'm talking about YOU. Ollie's a dick, I hate him too & everything he writes here.
34. ThatGuy - February 10, 2009 5:22 PM
Since No Body Said it First...
35. tuva - February 10, 2009 6:10 PM
They should make a female version.
or a 2 player co-op version
36. formerly SPELLINGNAZI© - February 10, 2009 10:03 PM
to paraphrase the ending: "...if you lose the game, you'll still be a winner in life"
I beg to differ, if this is what you do, you fail at life.
37. Cesspool - February 10, 2009 11:04 PM
Is it in yet?
38. Al Dracone - February 11, 2009 1:14 AM
To think that I've spent all my life so far having sex to women... what a waste, I'm truly a pathetic looser :( Still... who the hell masturbates on a video game, and how does THAT make him a winner in real life? Doesn't matter, I'm just waiting for the Wii version. Just saying... I've already seen remote controls thrown in tvs...