Feb 13 2009I Swear, People Google The Weirdest Things


People really search for the darndest things. Using Google auto-complete, you can see just how screwed up people out there on the web really are. And yes, these are the same people responding to your singles ad. Typing the words in bold will result in the following:

• 883,000,000: Why do I have no friends.
• 7,570,000: Why do I have diarrhea.
• 4,170,000: Why do I have so much discharge.
• 7,120,000: Why do I have to pee so much.
• 230,000,000: Why do I have gas or so much gas.
• 456,000: Why do men have nipples.
• 6,000,000: Why men don't call.
• 8,380,000: Why men lie.
• 4,980,000: I want a new drug.
• 114,000,000: I want a wife.
• 783,000: I have one testicle.
• 21,900,000: I have one more drink.
• 12,400,000: I have three breasts.
• 320,000: I have three testicles.
• 1,580,000: I have three girlfriends.
• 42,300: Why Luke Skywalker is an idiot.
• 1,610,000: I would like to buy a hamburger.
• 286,000: I would like to extend you an invitation to the pants party.
• 818,000: I think im pregnant.
• 442,000: I hate Indiana Jones 4.

Neat. Now do some Googling of your own and post the funniest results in the comments. And also, a current picture. Are you really as pretty as I imagine?

Google Proves Humanity Is Sick and Sad, Yet Absolutely Hilarious [google]

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Reader Comments

This new thinggummy or whatever, I havn't had any time to read the post, I just wrote this before and then copy pasted it, anyway this new thinggummy will revolutionize the way we percieve the world. I hope I'm right.


Why do men have nipples?

I was right, who could have known, Google really has revolutionized the way we percieve the world:
"why won't she call" - 101 000 000
Lol, well, I get that, I get that really.

she smells like soup
she smell like old tomatoes and dirt


Why do I read all the comments on blogs when I havebetter things to do with my time? 1 gazillion

Why am I the most irritating thing on the internet? 1 - Daisy

Google revolutioniza the net as it is today! But when one see how people use this search engine, me things that we live in a world off morrons....

I have no issue communicating without the use of profanity. Quite frankly, the english language offers much more colorful adjectives. The point being made is simply that in this country, where this blog is hosted, we have freedom of speech. The same freedom of speech that would protect this blogger (GW) in court. I find it rather disingenuous of him to post NSFW content and genitalia jokes, then censor our comments about them.
My google results:
Freedom- of speech 10,700,000
Why is- my poop green 346,000
Why is the- rum gone 5,550,000
When- will I die 1,010,000,000 (Do people really thing Google knows this?)
Why does- poop float 444,000
Why does- god allow suffering 593,000 (Again, really?)

Why do I drink? 14,300,000

I am extremely. Try that one, Miley Cyrus....

Why does it hurt the first time? 36,200,000

the physics is all wrong

when theres trouble you call DW

Rosie O'Donnell Nude - 0 searches

Why do I have green poop?

(not me, just some other loser)

paris hilton is....

nothing you didnt already know, but funny.

Rosie O'Donnell Nude - 1 searches

Can sheep swim? 6,500,000

How long does implantation bleeding last? 173,000

How do you know if a girl likes you? 10,300,000 ( I can answer that, you don't. You never know unless you find out she's banging some other dude and that's when you think, "Huh, I guess not, then."

I'm gonna start a fight
I'm gonna make you love me
I'm gonna find another you

who cares about shit like this? cant you post something like how the google search engine actually works or something?

17- That's easy. You'll know she likes you when you get a phone call this Sunday from her bitching you out for not doing something for Valentine's Day.

lets get dangerous

darkwing duck!

@10: i am extremely terrified of chinese people - 303 000 results

Why are ...all the black kids sitting together in the cafeteria.

he smells like what i think pierce brosnan probably smells like - 10500 results

Why on god's green earth - 852,000

Why doesn't the Geekologie Writer ever make it to the 15 second mark? 4 results

How does GW fall asleep so quickly? 7 results

Lick my... jesus - 313,000
Taste my... jesus - 489,000

When did 'jesus' become an ice cream flavor?

Drink my.... own piss - 1,940,000
Eat my own....sperm - 1,070,000

I weep inside. Deep down...

how not to release a bobcat - 303 000 results

Can I get a

Can I get a what what....6,350,000,000
Can I get aids from swimming in a pool with black people....312,000

Can't believe people actually ask that question...seriously I was shocked

WHO ATE the damn pizza rolls
WHO farted
WHERE the hell is Matt
WHO HAVE the biggest brain
WHY DO dogs eat poop

All very good questions.

Is this post somehow misleading? I think Google Suggest give you the number of search results by Google, not how many times people has searched for a phrase. Correct me if I'm wrong. If it's sad, it's the amount of junk that's on the Internet.


This is a complete photoshop job. You can tell its a fake because the shadow's are all wrong.

This is exactly like that scene in the movie Never Back Down where Max went around killing people while wearing a hockey mask.

Why is trl ending - 212,000

Why does herpes hurt so much - 79,100

when will . .

. . i die 1, 010, 000, 000, 000
.. the world end 73, 100, 000
. . i be loved 18, 100, 000

google is . .

. . your friend 48, 800, 000
. . making us stupid 2,220,000

contradictions . .

monkey eats own sperm -- 286,000 results
farts blood pressure -- 286,000 results

Precisely the same number of results for both. Same people I'm guessing.

damn! had a great one, and it got censored!!!!! on this site!!!! you gotta be kiddin me!!!!


why do my nipples hurt --- 279,000
why do my breasts hurt --- 400,000
why do my farts smell so bad --- 179,000
why do my balls hurt --- 420,000
why do my balls smell --- 508,000

That was fun, what a ride ooOOOoooOOOoooOOOoo

one time i searched for leann womack (not on google) and all i got back was

"did you mean LEARN WOMAN ?"


zombie baseball----3,780,000

picking your nose----810,000
picking your career----387,000


arctic cat parts----303,000

Type in Why do _____
insert race/gender/ethnicity/religon for hilarious offensive shit.

I'm kinda surprised that only 42,300 people wonder why Luke Skywalker is an idiot.

How many of me are they? 182,000,000
How many of them can we make die? 14,900,000
How many of us have them friends? 542,000,000

very wierd
what version of explorer is that?

If you type in 'i am extremely' you get 'terrified of chinese people"

i lick my cheese

I eat mop.

My hands are bananas.

My nuts got a MySpace page.

who would be president if the vice president died-- 34,000,000 (hint: the president)

I googled green poop and how to get pregnant a few times in my life...

TYPE IN "my husband" and you get:

..hates me
...doesn't love me
...ignores me
...cheated on me
...is a jerk
...left me
...is an alcoholic

So crazy!

I am extreme-ly terrified of Chinese people 303000 results. Seriously, just look up,"I am extreme" and that will be the last thing on the list.

I sm:
moke weed everyday.
moke weed all day.
mashed the window out your car.
mell a giant rat.
mell bad.
moke 2 joints.
moke rocks.

why must:

objects be sooled before their mass is found on a sensative balance

when is the:

best time to get pregnant - 610,000
balckberry storm coming out -518,000



I have AIDS - 315,000,000

How to have sex with a dinosaur - 1 result: Not you again! Go back to writing on Geekologie, you perv!

Actually just yesterday I was searching for the lyrics to the song "Pour some sugar on me" and when I finished typing "Pour some" I got "urine on me" :D And that wasn't on Google

My butthole...

Is on fire - 1,000,000

twitches - 44,000

You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake - 392,000 results.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .I wonder what that ^ is supposed to mean >.>

My vag smells like fish - 184,000 results.

Yeah. . . . S:

Google is watching - 3,760,000

why are

...all the black kids sitting together in the cafeteria 117,000 results


WHY CAN'T I ... just eat my waffle

The people with 3 balls should give their extra 1 ball to the people with only 1 ball.

My favorite so far is: "Why is the Pope a douche"?

how many stds can a person have at one time? 58,200,000

How to: get pregnant
How to r:oll a blunt
How to b:e emo
How to c:ommit suicide <-- yikes!
Why am I so: horny
How do I gi:ve myself an enema
How do I gi:ve the demon door meat
intercourse: with animals
smelly: bellybutton
Why can't I: own a Canadian
What's with: Seal's face
What's wrong with e:ating people
I have an: std

feeling better than some head on a sunday afternoon

770,000 hits.

Picking nose: 656,000
zeitgeist: 12,900,000
Lick me: 1,620,000
How to get pregnant: 5,310,000 (no wonder so many teens get knocked up)

zombie... raptors 1,500,000
why do kittens...fart 394,000
do platypuses... sweat milk 45,900
can robots... take over the world 795,000
my girlfriend... is a cyborg 87,100
my gf... is annoying 1,220,000
squirrels... in my pants 288,000

this is great.

funny thing, yesterday I've been searching Why do men have nipples!!!!

Where is Dubai
Where Is Chuck Norris
Where Is Zorba The Creek
Where Is My Mom
Where Is The Weed
Where Is My Pregnant Girlfriend. . . . .

Where Is The Sledge Hammer to hammer hammerheads? ? ?

And now I go and feed my donkeys. . . . . .

I have two ...

i have two us coins that have a total value of 55 cents and one of them is not a nickel.

i have two arms but fingers none

i have two dads
i have two moms

Julie is a TV set.

So funny! A hot debate heats up at Billionairepal.comLet us check what pinions other celebrities and wealthy guys' opinions are about this story.

I did
you see:
i did not have sexual relations with that woman 4,120,000

Your mom ate: my dog 642,000 results

How come I can't...
tell the free world from a living hell (432,000)
get no tang round here (612,000)

I want-one of those
I want-a hippopotamus for christmas
i need-a job
i see-color
i see-what you did there.

I haven't- "got time for this micky mouse bull****"

What the heck. xD

Make a bomb - 46,700,000.

Not good!

I just ate...a grape and I jizzed in my pants (979 results)

I am god - 210,000,000.


I - can has cheezburger

Search: 'I have a huge dick'


Did you mean, 'I have a tiny dick'?

Alright it's not real but it's good to photoshop it and give to someone (:

How many of me......
Wow, I just found out there is only one me in the US.
I feel special. :-)
My day is complete!!!

where is-
the love 54,000,000
Chuck Norris 7,700,000
my mind 121,000,000
the g spot 16,600,000

typed 'What happened to' into google and auto complete suggested "Seal's face".

lupus, in case you wanted to know

"I "
I can has cheezburger - 1,110,000
I want a hippopatomus for christmas - 813,000

How should...
... I vote (204 million)
... I do my hair (50 million)
like google is going to know this?

How many... triangles (5.6 million)
reci...divism (1.2 mil)
Now you can...'t leave (45 million)

I was going... to give you a waffle.

I was... told there would be cake.

I am... extremely terrified of Chinese people.

I should have... been a pair of ragged claws.

it could be... a multi-billion dollar drug and so far all the numbers have been positive

lol, google suggests the funniest things... however, I expect some of the best ones (e.g. I am extremely) are probably from jokes like they do on 4chan where loads of people just search for that term.

Where is my p:ee hole


32- That is not a fake pic look it up its on there

DO MEN.....like pubic hair?
like virgins?
like small breasts?
have one less rib than women?
have periods?
like fat women?
shave their pubes?

searck for: what are.

you get "what are these strawberries doing on my nipples i need them for the fruit salad"


CAN YOU get pregnant from being fingered? LAWL WTF?

Why are there school?
Why do midgets laugh when they run?
Why do midgets smell like cabbage?
Why do midgets have night vision?
Why am I still single?
Why is my poop green?
Why is there a dead pakistani on my couch?

"Why does my arm shake and turn bright red when I'm eating dirt" - 65,300 results.


why do: are ears ring (fail grammer) (45 700 000)

Why is: there a dead pakistani on my couch (45900)

my sister c: ame onto me

More crazy suggests, a site dedicated to them Suggestoftheday.com

you would definitely be unclean and if a white female, probably gang raped.

why can't i own a canadian

y r all u people wonderin about stupid things. y would u type stupid stuff in and hope for somthin to do. if ur bored go do somthin with ur life or go get a life i mean come on there is a whole world out there. google a place to go and explore or somethin and do it there is so much to do then just sit on the computer. wow u people r so sad. no offence it happens but change what happens into somethin gud.

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