Feb 19 200913-Year Old Fathers Son, Plays Video Games
In the heartcooling story of the week, 13-year old Alfie Patten (who looks six) fathered a baby with his 15-year old girlfriend. The little smurf was only 12 when he got the ogre pregnant.
The four-footer -- who looks no more than eight -- said: "I know I'm young, but I plan to be a good dad."
As he went on the PlayStation with 15-year-old girlfriend Chantelle Steadman, he added: "I think we'll be good parents. I'll have to work extra hard at school."Chantelle looked up from 18-rated action game Saints Row II to admit her first night out of hospital since having 7lb 3oz daughter Maisie had been tough and had left her "in a daze".
Yes, you'll have to work extra hard at school. Middle school. Was that not the saddest thing you've heard all day? No? Okay, try this one: you know that hamster you had as a kid that you thought lived eight years? It didn't. Your parents chose a solid brown one for a reason.
"I Know I'm Young, But I Plan To Be A Good Dad" [kotaku]
Thanks to Julian, Eric, JD, Alexander, Kenny and Juggernaut, who will probably never have children because most hookers make you wrap it up.
Reader Comments
1. phillip j. fry - February 19, 2009 5:42 PM
first
2. Hamburgler007 - February 19, 2009 5:44 PM
This kid looks like he is no older than 7 and she looks like she has downs syndrome. That kid is going to have one hell of a life.
3. Paul - February 19, 2009 5:45 PM
let me just be the first to say....
"FAIL!"
4. Jamerz - February 19, 2009 5:46 PM
umm...ew
5. phoring - February 19, 2009 5:47 PM
This picture is fake!!!. The controls are off!! Look at the lights!!!
This reminds me of that scene in Never Back Down where James forgot to turn his car lights on resulting in a crash.
6. Milkman - February 19, 2009 5:48 PM
I'm so confused here. On the one hand she looks like she has bodacious ta tas, but on the other hand she looks like Shrek.
7. andolus - February 19, 2009 5:52 PM
Humanity fails once more...
8. McFeely Smackup - February 19, 2009 5:52 PM
hah! I totally was going to say she looks like Shrek, but got beat to it.
Just for a moment, does anyone think for a second if the guy had been 15 and the girl 13 that the father wouldnt' be in jail for raping the poor defenseless ogre?
9. Jay - February 19, 2009 5:53 PM
this story is way old, where you guys been?
10. Well.. - February 19, 2009 5:55 PM
You missed the part where there's like 6 other "kids" that say they are or could be the dad. (pending blood tests will confirm)
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/4637339/Schoolboy-father-Alfie-Patten-distraught-at-claims-Maisie-not-his.html
Morel of this story? Your 15 year old daughter is a whore! (and where the f*ck were the parents when their daughter was banging the neighborhood?)
11. chuck - February 19, 2009 5:59 PM
haha.. that girl is the hideous .. ogre is so spot on.. i cant wait til the summer where she gets her greenish hue back
reading this article while listening to the chewie squeaking cabinet cant be beat.
that baby needs a new home
12. jism - February 19, 2009 6:07 PM
I am torn between thinking he got an ogre pregnant, or an orgy, either typo works for me
13. mattillac - February 19, 2009 6:18 PM
sweet rack! too bad she looks like a monster. that girl is gonna look terrible when she gets old. boobs around the knees @ age 20. :( boooo!
14. Chuey "The Rock 'n' Roll" Midget - February 19, 2009 6:26 PM
Whats that "party" called when a mexican girl turns 15??
15. Pew³ - February 19, 2009 6:26 PM
Imagine being a grandparent at age 26.
16. Pew³ - February 19, 2009 6:29 PM
I was waiting to hear this was in Tennessee, apparently it's in the UK.
Shwew, dogded that bullet!
17. naas - February 19, 2009 6:33 PM
gingerboobs
18. JBoo - February 19, 2009 6:35 PM
He's got a little girl. Hope she resembles her adolescent father.
19. Ryan - February 19, 2009 6:50 PM
Yeah.....Thats a fail right there.
20. $.02 and a pocket full of FAH-Q - February 19, 2009 6:51 PM
I vomited in my mouth a little bit at this one.
21. JUSTBARFEDINMYMOUTH - February 19, 2009 6:57 PM
Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid s stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid tupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid
22. $.02 and a pocket full of FAH-Q - February 19, 2009 6:58 PM
I have no issue communicating without the use of profanity. Quite frankly, the english language offers much more colorful adjectives. The point being made is simply that in this country, where this blog is hosted, we have freedom of speech. The same freedom of speech that would protect this blogger (GW) in court. I find it rather disingenuous of him to post NSFW content and genitalia jokes, then censor our comments about them.
Sorry, I forgot to add this little diatribe of mine the first time, I was distracted by Shrek and Mini Me.
23. formerly SPELLINGNAZI© - February 19, 2009 7:00 PM
I'd do her...right in the boobs...double-bagged...lights off....fairly buzzed.
Nah, nevermind.
24. $.02 and a pocket full of FAH-Q - February 19, 2009 7:05 PM
23- Careful, you may end up sharing a jail cell and fatherly responsibilities with 7 hapless teeny bopper boys. And get the funk, not the cool George Clinton kind either.
25. Ryan - February 19, 2009 7:08 PM
I have no issue communicating without the use of profanity. Quite frankly, the english language offers much more colorful adjectives. The point being made is simply that in this country, where this blog is hosted, we have freedom of speech. The same freedom of speech that would protect this blogger (GW) in court. I find it rather disingenuous of him to post NSFW content and genitalia jokes, then censor our comments about them.
26. Moose Knuckle - February 19, 2009 7:09 PM
"You, little squirrel-boy, you make me, Mongoloid-girl, make happy splash in my goo-hole"
"Nooooo, help, I want my mommyyyyyyy!!!"
27. RK - February 19, 2009 7:10 PM
Absolutely no condom sense.
Yay for teaching abstinence in schools and rioting against handing out free prophylactics!
28. $.02 and a pocket full of FAH-Q - February 19, 2009 7:12 PM
I'm still confused as to how it became the school's job to teach kids about sex. How about yay parents for not doing your job! Now you get to try again because your teenager just had a baby and will not be able to care for it on their own!
29. Milkman - February 19, 2009 7:16 PM
The latin girl coming of age ceremony is called: Quinceañera
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quincea%C3%B1era
Ugly/fat girls are always the biggest whores. They want validation so bad. Put the fork down! (but keep those ta tas)
30. NES--still-the-best - February 19, 2009 7:21 PM
Haha, she looks like Jon Favreau with teets.
Damn...British broads sure are homely cows, 99% of the time.
31. PunsKillPeople - February 19, 2009 7:25 PM
*cries*
No no no no no no no! Bad! We have birth control for a REASON!
32. RK - February 19, 2009 7:27 PM
fyi, This is the link to the full story with additional pix:
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2233878.ece
33. RK - February 19, 2009 7:30 PM
#28: it was sarcasm directed at politicians who think children should only be taught abstinence, not sex ed -- and parents who will angerly protest free condoms and birth control, but not take the responsibility to educate and monitor their children....
34. Anonymous - February 19, 2009 7:42 PM
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Good luck for you, wish you find your girls or guys.
35. Jess - February 19, 2009 8:18 PM
What the hell?
Are you kidding me?
Stupid whore.
36. Sha - February 19, 2009 8:21 PM
@16 The UK is full of whores. And parents who don't give a f*ck about their kids.
37. Sammywa - February 19, 2009 8:23 PM
Pregnancy aside, I wish I was having sex at 12. :(
Though it was probably more her than him.
38. Watch - February 19, 2009 8:29 PM
oh man, i feel bad for this kid, he wont have a normal life because hell have to focus on not only school, but raising a kid. they seriously need to start a better sex ed program over there .
39. Mike Smith - February 19, 2009 8:51 PM
this has been reported as being fake, the girl did it with several other older guys but the parents wanted to say it was the youngest kid for the money from the story
40. Daisy - February 19, 2009 8:52 PM
FAKE!!!!
This is a complete photoshop job. You can tell its a fake because the shadow's are all wrong.
This is exactly like that scene in the movie Never Back Down where Max goes out for coffee and wants to punch the asshole who says looks like someone has a case of the Mondays.
41. Solo - February 19, 2009 8:57 PM
Another proof that no matter how ugly a b***h is she still can get as much f***ing as she wants, while men have to work hard to get it..and damn..she's ugly like frack, that kid just effed all his life: teen dad + ugly as$ b***h wife who is guaranteed to sleep with the pool boy( but will they have a pool? don't think so ..so maybe with the handyman)
u got to love this "bad words" filter
42. antiyou - February 19, 2009 9:14 PM
I feel bad for that kids parents.. "Here guys, have another baby because I'm stupid and you still have to fix my mistakes."
43. gizmoduck - February 19, 2009 9:19 PM
damnit, not everything that is stupid and ghey like this happens in TN
i mean, the crue is playing on saturday and guess who is going to be up front?
this gal. no big deal
44. Marlon - February 19, 2009 9:49 PM
Ha, we don't even HAVE middle school here. Just Primary School and High School, which he is already in. So, yeah, you SUCK.
45. Beastman AIDS - February 19, 2009 10:23 PM
Her boobs are almost as huge as her ugly
46. formerly SPELLINGNAZI© - February 19, 2009 10:30 PM
@44: That's your defense? The organization of the school system? Wow son, you need to come a bit stronger than that to play with the big boys here...
I call bullshit, what 16 and/or 14 year-olds would "step up" and claim to be the father? This is from a rag, just like The National Enquirer. Everyone knows they are only right about aliens, everything else is a lie.
47. eron - February 19, 2009 10:38 PM
Yeah, you know how the poor child will grow... short... and FUGLY!!!!!
48. Pew mobile - February 19, 2009 10:55 PM
Motley Crue was my first concert. White snake opened for them on their Theatre Of Pain tour.
49. Pew mobile - February 19, 2009 11:05 PM
Motley Crue was my first concert. White snake opened for them on their Theatre Of Pain tour.
50. G - February 19, 2009 11:16 PM
That kid's clearly a retard.
I've been wrapping it since I was 12.
51. Gadget - February 19, 2009 11:20 PM
Is it just me or does that chick look like a 90 year old woman named wendy? Who from now on shall be known as "worn out wendy". What a hooker.
That kid looks scared shitless, and by kid I mean the dad, and my scared shitless I mean me.
52. QUASIMODEM - February 19, 2009 11:46 PM
It's already been revealed that this is a scam of some sort.
53. naas - February 19, 2009 11:47 PM
9un29n223n 2imn23=0k m2me-29m
54. formerly SPELLINGNAZI© - February 19, 2009 11:57 PM
Off topic, but I'm bored: I don't normally check out The Superficial, but WTF is up with Crack-whore/heroin-addict Lohan?
55. mike coxbig - February 20, 2009 12:54 AM
It's just a matter of days before Hanna Montana comes forward about her being knocked up. Theres no way 2 sixteen year olds can share the headlines.
56. Spenceer - February 20, 2009 1:24 AM
The little boy is so cute! I saw more interesting topics about him at the dating club ____M illionaire Loving. CO M____.
57. guate6 - February 20, 2009 1:35 AM
"In the heartcooling story of the week, 13-year old Alfie Patten (who looks six) fathered a baby with his 15-year old girlfriend. The little smurf was only 12 when he got the ogre pregnant. "
holy shit, I about died laughing :p
58. Ginormagantuan - February 20, 2009 2:46 AM
daaaaaaaaaayum! i am just now getting ready to be a dad..... at 24 and i feel like o git robbed of my youth! this kid is a friggin moron, he is not even holding the controller right, just posing for the pic.
59. pro - February 20, 2009 3:07 AM
c'mon guys, lets give these kids a chance, they were merely exploring each other's genitalia, has not anyone seen the movie, blue lagoon, it says it all. Please do not call the girl an ogre, she's just a naive teenager, at least we all once were! in today's world of early maturation, kids start pissing grease so fast that it will no longer be a joke, lets face it we mortals have a very short lifespan, on the other hand these young parents will have more time to spend with ttheir kid, so envy and applaud them!
60. agreed - February 20, 2009 4:13 AM
What the k u cf ?
61. crimson skies - February 20, 2009 4:14 AM
U gotta feel sorry for the kid if he is the actual father. a child is gods punishment for a girl getting that ugly thou
62. Engleesssss - February 20, 2009 4:15 AM
Oh so you can type F. U. C. K. Any ways is it?
Oh the F.U.C.K.I.N.G. English Language.
63. Giant Lenin - February 20, 2009 4:44 AM
@ Pro: NO!
64. formerly SPELLINGNAZI© - February 20, 2009 7:02 AM
@59: Wow, did you ever pick the wrong site to come to for a lesson in morality...!
65. dfgsfg - February 20, 2009 7:10 AM
Haha, they screwed, then they screwed up their lives...unless they plan on eeking their way though life by screwing the tax payer. By the looks of them, I guess they and their families are no-hopers.
66. Mr. Sausage - February 20, 2009 8:01 AM
Fück!
67. $.02 and a pocket full of FAH-Q - February 20, 2009 8:56 AM
59- May you be blessed with teenagers who have multiple children, don't finish school, and look to you their entire lives for their every need. It seems to be what you want.
PS- Even as a naive teenager "exploring" with someone else, we used condoms. Care to guess why? WE DIDN'T WANT BABIES.
68. iota1 - February 20, 2009 9:09 AM
SICK
69. Ollie Williams Fücks Children - February 20, 2009 9:20 AM
I know who the real father is. It's Ollie Williams! Fück you Ollie! You fücking fück!
70. gizmoduck - February 20, 2009 9:23 AM
sigh....
BURN IT WITH FIRE
71. Don - February 20, 2009 9:36 AM
Wow. His hand in proportion to her boobs...no wonder he popped one off. Big boobs in the hand totally makes up for being a butterface. Gingers with big boobs are sexy. She's not because she's underage and I'm too fine to go to jail.
72. catch22 - February 20, 2009 10:00 AM
shoulda named the baby "fiona". if the baby will look anything like her mother it would fit best.... live action shrek movie anyone?
73. chakka - February 20, 2009 10:04 AM
another tragic case of an ugmo so desperate for the attention the pretty girls get that she will do anything to get attention... as for the boy getting laid before he gets pubes...well shes gonna be in for a pleasant suprise when he hits puberty and things start to grow
74. $.02 and a pocket full of FAH-Q - February 20, 2009 10:09 AM
OMG! Is this what the ending would've been had Fiona hooked up with Lord Farquat (sic)?
75. Badcopnodonut - February 20, 2009 10:10 AM
That is truly depressing. They're too young to even live on their own, so it's basically their parent's little bundle of joy now. If my 12-year-old kid went and made a Shrek-baby, I would lose it. This right here is the best argument for abortion I've ever seen.
76. BK - February 20, 2009 10:17 AM
You're right Pro. They do get to spend more time with their kids. Probably while they're all in gym class. Or playing tag at recess. Or while they're all sitting on the couch watching Sponge Bob and collecting welfare. Too bad we couldn't spend time with our kids, instead having to support them by working 40 hours a week and being a valuable part of society/tax paying citizen.
Nasty bitches like that want one thing in life...........to get pregnant and reproduce more retards. You ever seen the movie "Idiocracy"? Well, my friend, that is the way the world ends. Not with a bang or whimper, but with a "dee-de-dee".
Responsibilty has become nothing but a word.
77. Daniel - February 20, 2009 11:38 AM
Babies havin' babies, yaaayeah.
78. Ellie - February 20, 2009 12:07 PM
I don't understand how it's even possible for him to be the father. He CLEARLY hasn't gone through puberty yet, considering his voice is so high and he still looks like he's 7. So how would he even have the sperm to get her pregnant? The girl's admitted to sleeping around with older, more mature guys (even if they are only 15, at least they've gone through puberty) so my guess is one of them is the father and poor little Alfie doesn't even know any better. In any case, I hope they put the baby up for adoption and I feel really sorry for everyone involved.
79. JFreezy - February 20, 2009 12:32 PM
Damn Brit whores trying to hump anything that moves!! I agree with post 78. This kid hasn't even gone through puberty yet. How can he be the father? He just got that label for publicity. I guess he should have kept his tallywacker in his britches (even if he's shooting blanks) then he wouldn't have to deal with this mess. FIONA FTW!!!
80. Dekatsu - February 20, 2009 1:49 PM
I know this is fake, because nobody on the planet would have sex with.... that thing.
81. QUASIMODEM - February 20, 2009 2:08 PM
Ellie, I'll mention it again just for the benefit of you and anyone else still confused:
He didn't. It's a benefits scam. It's already been confessed to.
82. Leonidas - February 20, 2009 3:10 PM
@58: you're going to be a dad? Congrats, did Thumper finally give it up?
83. Right Fury - February 20, 2009 3:47 PM
there's a lot of peeps from TN on here.
Hey Y'all HOLLA
See you guys at "the big bang" sat night. That place is awesome.
84. Right Fury - February 20, 2009 3:48 PM
I almost forgot.
Bite my finga charlie....ooooooooowwwwwww. charlie bit me. dat hurt charlieeeeee
85. finfan - February 20, 2009 5:30 PM
Omg I know them!! THEY LIVE DOWN THE STREET FROM MY HOUSE!!! THEY PASS MY HOUSE EVERYDAY HOLDING HANDS!!! She... did things to me... terrible... terrible... grotesque things... *shudders in corner*
86. formerly SPELLINGNAZI© - February 20, 2009 6:08 PM
@81: Do you have a link for that?
87. Ajax - February 20, 2009 9:02 PM
Stupid Chavs.
88. McBetes - February 21, 2009 1:28 AM
Does anyone draw the conclusion that his name is Alfie?!? I mean come on!
89. ACORNSTU - February 21, 2009 1:57 AM
yaya...
i got my 56 year old dad to play mario brothers one dam time
he hates me now
meanwhile my step dad who is near my age keeps me up to date on the latest games for ps3, xbox360, and pc...
no one can replace my old man
but having a parent almost your age is cool as hell man...
that guy will be pissing his life away working dead end jobs and playing wow with his kid
and i tell you this
it'll b tge best time of thier lives!!!!
90. Amy - February 21, 2009 2:02 AM
@78: Ellie, girls aren't able to conceive until they hit puberty, but boys produce sperm their entire lives, even as infants and old geezers. How's that for royally farked up?
91. Beastman AIDS - February 21, 2009 4:36 PM
#90
Sorry Amy - guys don't produce sperm untill puberty hits.
Better luck next time.
92. Amaranth - February 22, 2009 12:58 AM
Jaba-the-Slut playing PS3
93. ivery - February 22, 2009 10:37 AM
Currently, I can see a few advertisements for millionaire romance site, you are wasting your time in doing such a thing! I have joined more than 10 different sites till now, I know your sites are new established and need more people to join, but you can`t deny only " C e l e b m i n g l e. C 0 M " is the best one. It has been reported by many famous TV shows and it works for only quality singles! Stop advertise for your sites here!!
94. Jim Jones - February 22, 2009 12:22 PM
They're all drains on society, no matter how you slice it.
95. turkey - February 22, 2009 1:07 PM
Türkiye de böyle birşy olsa hiç şaşırmazdım ama türkiyede olmuyor biraz saçma başka bir ülkede böyle bir olay....
96. butterface - February 22, 2009 11:44 PM
my boobs are big
97. Britishfoo - February 25, 2009 9:47 AM
"Middle school".
Naw, this things in the UK dude.
No middle school over here, he has to work hard in freaking secondary school!
Still, I laugh hard.
Being a good dad as he looks up from an 18 rated game?
LOL
Being a hard worker when hes learning how many sides a circle has!
LOL
Man I love this site, so much messed up stuff in this world! XD
98. Britishfoo - February 25, 2009 9:51 AM
Ohshiz double post!
D:
Amy (post 90) Learn about guys please. We dun got white ninja's till we hit puberty. Well we might have em but we haven't loaded em yet. No gun powder in the mini-barrel.
99. idk - March 27, 2009 11:54 AM
@78=WIN he is not the father
100. Midge - April 8, 2009 6:49 AM
Why have none of these people heard of abortion? There always seems to be an automatic link between failed contreception and having to have a child, can someone please explain why none of our "young mums" ever thought of having abortions
101. FIRSTTARD - June 11, 2009 10:34 AM
101ST!
102. jordan alayne fauver - July 23, 2009 1:24 PM
aw the baby is so cute and how was it at james wood was it fun like some schools like people say it is but i think it looks coolso peace
103. MAC MOTAVTION - October 26, 2009 3:42 AM
Ok umm y is it he looks mad as hell LOL
104. MAC MOTAVTION - October 26, 2009 3:42 AM
Ok umm y is it he looks mad as hell LOL