Jan 25 2009Revenge For Bicyclists: Handlebar Key Plugs

FIRST HAHAHAHAHAHA

FAKE!!!!

This is a complete photoshop job. You can tell its a fake because the shadow's are all wrong.

This is exactly like that scene in the movie Never Back Down where Max is on top of the eiffel towerr, and realizing Baja was making fun of his beret, he flings it over the railing. Some old Lady's poodle chased it like a frisbee, and plunged to his death.

BITCHES I WAS THE FIRST HAHAHZAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAAHAAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAAHAAHAHHHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHHAHAHHAHHHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAAHHAHHAHAAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAA

^ you know you wanna
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What if the accident is my fault? What if I'm riding past some parked cars? Would that be my fault, or can I just go "you shoudn't have parked there dipshit"?

wow theres not much comments today...

Will that key also open most car doors so the potential to steal the car is also available? I like to get the bang for my buck if I get run over by Rufus McDontgiveashit.

Would this also work on pedestrians? I mean, if I buy a set of keys to put on my handlebars, I want them to CUT, not just scratch...

okay NOW there is comments and @4 you made my day...

FAKE!!!!

This is a complete photoshop job. You can tell its a fake because the shadow's are all wrong.

This is exactly like that sceene in the movie Never Back Down where Max is at a health spa. While unattended on the spine stretching machine someone slips into the room and puts it on high, causing him to pass out. Later he ses that guy in a steam cabinet. He dials up the steam to high, and puts a bar across the doors to lock him in. Max then maks a pithy comment about informing the chef and slips out of the room.

The sweet irony would be if the cyclist fell on the handlebars

What if the cyclist is passing through a large group of people? Would they cut the members of this group?

I am not a cycling expert, I just play one on T.V.

Check this out!

http://tinyurl.com/thisisgreat

Yeah this can be bad if you fall on them yourself.

And Daisy, I really need to check out Never Back Down it comes up in EVERY thing in life, it must be an awe inspiring movie.

jesus christ daisy, never back down was the biggest piece of shit ever made by man. in fact every god damn day when i look at these comments and have to be reminded of that movie i wanna smack a bitch.
and by the way....these are f***ing stupid. why not just key the bastards car up and say oops i was holding them when you ran over my f***ing bicycle tire with your god damn chevrolet.

FAKE!!!!

This is a complete photoshop job. You can tell its a fake because the shadow's are all wronggggggggg.

This is exactly like that scene in the movie Tender Dracula where Dracula's resurrected man-servant chops off his toe with an axe and makes it into a key ring.
The good thing is he can never lose it, because it is tied to his belt.

Maybe, it should have a gun mechanism so that if the car that hit you didn't get scratched(maybe it hit your rear tire), you can still get a chance of scratching it or even denting it by shooting its side when it passes you.

(Scene 1)
car: hahaha! stupid biker...*thugg*
biker: (slight jerk) MORAAAAHN!!!
*kaboom!!!*.........*screeeeeechhh** (car swerves) (hits post)
biker: Oh shit...
car owner: WHAT THE FAAAAACCK!!! Aww sssssshhhhiiiiiittt! Gad dammit!
biker: (speeds so f***ing fast) Oh god no! That was a bad idea. Bad f***ing idea.

(Scene 2)
All State Agent: A bike? A bike caused this damage? Are you f***ing kidding me?
Car owner: That's right. Believe or not, a f***ing bike did it.
All State Agent: Really? Well, f*** me in the ass, a bike did it. I must be the queen to cover that shit. Uh uh, your insurance statement didn't mention to cover a bike-related accident. Plus, no bike can cause a wreck like that! No! You're making that shit up. Goodbye!
Car owner: But...
All State Agent: Uh up! I said goodbye. Fix that shit yourself amigo. Get outta my office... NOW!

.
That is why you never underestimate a biker.

So, what happens when you hit a large rock in the road, the handle bars twist and the key winds up stuck in your spleen, and you sit there and bleed to death?

Street = Cars. Either peddle your ass at a comparable speed in the middle of it or get the f*** off. Period.

"If you don't like the way I drive, stay of the sidewalk" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

That's my new line.

If I ever see someone with these, it's going in their f***ing eye socket.

I can't tell you how much I love taking a blunt handlebar in the gut - this wouldn't be an improvement. Might be a little nasty on roadie drop bars - and a little vicious on bullhorns!

If you're that close to the car, get off the effing road and get back IN the bike lane, not where your tires barely touch that line which separates my car from your knees.

If you're in the road, do what the cars do. Don't break the law and complain when you get hit.

Stupid bikers.

@23: You do realize that it's completely legal in Eh murr eye kuh to ride on the right side of the road, don't you? In fact, in a few states bikers are allowed an entire lane. Every other state they're allowed a yard on their left. So, basically half a lane. If you don't like it, yell at your state reps!

K, This is awesome. Anyone who's ever been on a road with no sidewalk and had some f***ing teenager try to be funny and attempt to put you in a ditch would know why...

BTW - Looks like I have an impersonator... hmm... I wouldn't need to click the bigtittiepics link seeing as how I have them... asshat.

With how careless most bikers get in the Bay Area, they're just asking to get clipped by a car.

bikes were on the road b4 carz

Yeah, and horse drawn carriages were on the road before bikes, but I don't see them cutting in front of me at a red light on the sidewalk, and then driving in the middle of the road ass-backwards slow when the light turns green.

Bikers like that are always worth fifty points.

Yup, right in the eye socket.

19: I agree! Anybody key my car and I'd so want to run his ass over.

Pretty stupid idea.
Not only do you risk injuring innocent folks, you're probably gonna get yourself f***ed up when you wreck when that key catches on the cars mirror, trim, etc.

When I lived in the bay area a couple of kicks on the douch-nozzles door usually was enough to get their attention. Too many people DWC(Driving while Chinese) out there anyway.

I am an avid biker but think these are a terrible idea. I hate being honked at, but my middle finger works so everything is cool. On the other hand, I know people who are always strapped and would literally kill someone for scratching their car. (BTW in some places it is ILLEGAL for bikes to be on the sidewalk.)

Cars already have something much worse then that, it's called a rear view mirror. you see yourself in it and notice YOUR RIDING A f***ING BICYCLE, LOSER!!

you know what else works, taking off the rubber covers, leaving the sharp edge open on the handle bars. that shit tears skin off, peels the paint and even some of the metal off of cars. plus i think you can make a pipe bomb out of it, according to macgyver!

@33, Jonny5: Do you know how many extra keys you'd have to press to avoid sounding like you dropped out of school? Only two. Here they are: 'e. Got it? And yes, I would like fries with that—thanks!

Why bother with a key, why not mount a rambo knife out of each haldlebar & a minigun in the front when you can achieve better results

Sorry Anita, I didn't realize I was writing a f***ing Mensa application. get a life.

You KNOW this is just going to backfire. Car owners will just put those chopping axle blades those old school Roman chariots used to have to f*** up enemy cavalry (horsey no leg, horsey no go).

Entrepeneurs get ready for a growing market for one-legged cycling enthusiasts.

You're not likely to be writing a MENSA application any time soon, mate. Now do me a favour and f*** off.

Do they make ones for drop bars, too? Something L-shaped? Y'know, for us roadies & tri-geeks?

always thought urine in the water bottle was the best revenge on shitbag drivers. just a little splash on your window (or better yet through it), there you go dick.

Nice you all.
As a biker I find that keeping a squirt gun handy works better for when they comit and try to run away cos they know you cant give chase.
One squirt with stain liquit will teach them to beware of bikers next time!
Yo! Lay off Anita. aiit!

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It's a good idea .Thank you.

good article...thanks a lot for the information!