Jan 29 2009Guy Selling Himself As Slave On eBay
I'm pretty sure by definition you can't sell yourself as a slave for a month, because that kind of negates the whole slavery thing. This guy is basically a really douche-y manservant. I mean, he's no Alfred.
What we have for auction today is a slave, a very fit male slave. He is twenty-four years of age, measure five foot ten inches, and weighs eleven stone. This slave is college educated, hard working, and ready to tackle any task you may have for him.
The terms of the auction are as follows.The winning bidder will receive the slave seen in the picture for a period no less than 28 days, but for no more than a period of 31 days.
The winning bidder must be able to provide shelter for the slave in the form of a spare bedroom, a couch, a tent, a hammock, or a tree-house.
The slave is not a sexual slave, and will not under any circumstances partake in any form of sexual activities with his master. This auction is not sexual in anyway shape or form. DO YOU HEAR ME EBAY, THIS IS NOT SEXUAL! OK THANKS!
The slave will not follow any instruction that will most likely result in his death or serious disfigurement.
I dunno, I thought about buying him to walk up and down the highway in the snow with a sandwich board advertising Geekologie, but then I realized I'd probably be too tempted to run him over myself. And what does 'serious disfigurement' mean? Does cutting off a finger count? Because I only consider that minor disfigurement. Quick, to Wendy's!
Hit the jump for two more pictures of the questionable slave.
Thanks to JAKE!, who sold his little brother to gypsies to buy a PS3.
Reader Comments
1. gizmoduck - January 29, 2009 10:14 AM
pew?
knuckles?
is that you?
wtf
2. Peregrinus - January 29, 2009 10:15 AM
wtf why not go for the gold and......
3. Top Ten Guy - January 29, 2009 10:17 AM
Wohooo!
Top 5!
4. Peregrinus - January 29, 2009 10:18 AM
...off by a minute, oh well.
5. Sub-Zero - January 29, 2009 10:19 AM
Pay someone AND give them a place to stay? Not a bad little trick there.
6. gizmoduck - January 29, 2009 10:20 AM
ok, so now that i actually read the article, this is the stupidest shit ever. first off, hes not a sex slave?! if i want some dick and i'm paying, you better put out damnit.
that is straight up poppy cock. then hes listing himself on ebay? ebay? come on...
and those are the worse pictures to post if you're trying to sell your looks. REAL!!! NOT PHOTOSHOPPED AT ALL unfortunately. and last THERE ARE NO LASERS INVOLVED!
no lasers, no dinosaurs, no booze...DO NOT WANT
7. BK - January 29, 2009 10:24 AM
He didn't say he wouldn't do anything illegal..........................
"Go steal some shit for me..................bitch."
8. samdog - January 29, 2009 10:26 AM
gizmoduck said pefectly
"no lasers, no dinosaurs, no booze...DO NOT WANT "
9. BOOSH! - January 29, 2009 10:29 AM
What a dick bag!
Gizmoduck is correct.
No lasers- not hot - and no skills. WTF?
10. LSDiesel - January 29, 2009 10:30 AM
Haha, he lost a bet or something.
11. hot mess - January 29, 2009 10:31 AM
C'mon now, this is just ridiculous. Doesn't this guy know that there are tons of men out there who would PAY to be some girl's slave for a month? And wouldn't even ask to stay over?!? Puhleeaze.
12. Timbo - January 29, 2009 10:32 AM
What's with him holding that stuffed animal thingy?
I thought it said 24 yrs old... not 4 yrs old.
13. Timbo - January 29, 2009 10:33 AM
And look at that!!!
If you're gonna be a slave you better learn to put that toilet seat down!!
14. Piroblast - January 29, 2009 10:40 AM
Crap i got outbid aww now i have to get my litle brother back
15. SiGee - January 29, 2009 10:47 AM
I would totally make him my salve.
men = hawt yummy-ness
16. james - January 29, 2009 10:53 AM
ok if you are making money you are not a slave you are a servant.. ggwtfbbq...?
17. Ollie Williams - January 29, 2009 10:53 AM
#15 is a total slut.
18. SiGee - January 29, 2009 10:55 AM
Of course he doesn't come close to my LSDiesel!
I will effin EAT YOU!
19. SiGee - January 29, 2009 10:58 AM
@17
f*** Tard
20. BK - January 29, 2009 10:58 AM
No way I'd let my slave use my crapper, allowing him to leave the toilet seat up. The only way he enters my bathroom is to clean up the cum and vomit and shit and piss on the ceiling.
I have no concept of aiming.
"You go outside to do your business.....................bitch."
21. Ollie Williams - January 29, 2009 11:02 AM
@19
Slut.
22. Pew³ - January 29, 2009 11:11 AM
Is it ok for white people to call themselves slaves?
If this guy were black (African American) there would be an outcry!!
....and a lot more bidding.
ba-ding-boosh
23. Ted - January 29, 2009 11:12 AM
not to split hairs, but if he is only selling himself for a certain amount of time, isn't he an indentured servent, not a slave?
24. catch22 - January 29, 2009 11:21 AM
only an extra $10k for NJ?
25. Cameron - January 29, 2009 11:28 AM
@23. Ted - Actually no, he's not a slave or an indentured servant. He is getting paid to do work, he is basically just a butler/servant/handy man/nanny/douche bag. Indentured servants are working to pay off a debt, this isn't the case.
26. Thumperchica - January 29, 2009 11:35 AM
Gizmo & Pew nailed this one.
27. VeinyDick - January 29, 2009 12:39 PM
Considering that the picture is taken in a public toilet, this guy will probably go for cheap. Throw in the fun label of "The Troll" and pic of him hiding under the covers from the thunder storm, it would be fun to f*** this guy up with some serious mind games. Nothing sexual, nothing physical...just mental.
This guy is retarded. eBay will pull it.
28. slazer - January 29, 2009 12:46 PM
the no sex thing is fairly easy to fix. he's 24; i'm sure everything will still function even if he's drugged up. i must admit, i love the naiveté of this guy...slavery? on the internet? he's going to end up buried in a sceptic field somewhere.
29. Elmo - January 29, 2009 1:09 PM
all I want for Christmas is my very own man slave!
30. Daisy - January 29, 2009 1:11 PM
FAKE!!!!
This is a complete photoshop job. You can tell its a fake because the shadow's are all wrong.
This is exactly like that scene in the movie Never Back Down where Max was a slave in a mine who was a discipline problem. He was sold to a trader for use as a gladiator, and eventually excaped and started an army that fought against the Romans. Later after the romans take over the army they find his lunch bag with a pepsi inside. All of the captured warriors claim they are Max in order to try and claim his lunch.
31. Pat - January 29, 2009 1:40 PM
Well that didn't take long...
"This listing (320335687966) has been removed or is no longer available. Please make sure you entered the right item number."
32. Pew³ - January 29, 2009 2:45 PM
@26. You said nailed....heh heh
33. Sam - January 29, 2009 3:52 PM
It was taken down, did it end?
34. formerly SPELLINGNAZI© - January 29, 2009 4:27 PM
People have been doing this for years on ebay, it's nothing new. Definitely not worthy of posting, but f*** it...
This guy is a douchebag. If you make money, you aren't a slave. (It's more like a paid internship without credit for anything.) Doing random shit for someone for money is just your way of proclaiming that you either:
1.) Have no self-esteem
or
2.) Have no idea of what you want to do in life.
....and I just checked the listing to see if he was one of those ones with a starting bid of like $500,000 or something....the listing's been pulled.
...or a combination of both.
35. formerly SPELLINGNAZI© - January 29, 2009 4:28 PM
Oops, that last sentence should be above the listing comment... stupid touchpad....
36. firstgold - January 29, 2009 4:45 PM
Well the action is removed...
37. Jack - January 29, 2009 4:49 PM
What's the point of a slave if there's nothing sexual?
Well, torture isn't sexual and it doesn't leave permanent scars. Technically rape isn't sexual, it's aboot power.
38. Ian - January 29, 2009 6:05 PM
Hi, this is the person who made that ebay auction. Ebay had shut it down within the first few hours of it being listed, and then they put it back up for, and then a few days later they took it back down.
I'm a bit disappointed.
39. Kidiu - January 29, 2009 6:30 PM
Woah, you can do that?!
40. Lange - January 29, 2009 7:01 PM
F OOT
41. Liam - January 29, 2009 8:29 PM
He's s hot slave!
42. DestreasLust - January 30, 2009 2:52 AM
I had the same idea as 7.
Illegal is in;
im going to make him hack every street sign possible.
THE ZOMBIES ARE COMING AND PEOPLE MUST KNOW!!!
43. Madzay - January 30, 2009 4:06 AM
is public humiliation out?
I mean he didn't say he wouldn't strip down to his socks and then handcuff himdelf to one of the road signs that you would get him to hack first saying something like "I'm an absolute butt-wank"
hehehe that would be amusing for me to watch ALL DAY!
44. Phil - January 30, 2009 10:21 AM
Reminds me of a joke:
Hooker says "I'll do anything for $200."
Man says: "Okay - paint my house."
45. ohnoes - January 30, 2009 1:25 PM
removed by ebay. pweend