Jan 24 2009 Commercial: Hey Kids, Wicked Eyebrows!
This is a Cadbury chocolate commercial featuring two kids with crazy freaking eyebrows. Allegedly the eyebrowery is all real. Is there a gene for that? And, if so, can you clone my childhood dog, I miss her. I'll tell you one thing though, I want to have talented kids like that. The little tykes will make me a small fortune in the freak show. Or I'll sell them to gypsies.
Thanks to Ranney, who once sold an eyebrow on eBay with free shipping and almost made enough to cover postage.
Jan 24 2009 Special Ring Counts How Much You Love
This isn't just any ring, it's a special one -- for your penis. Makes the perfect engagement ring for when your member decides to finally tie the knot with Ms. Hand.
A stretchy, orgasm-enhancing ring that actually counts your BPM - otherwise known as Bonks Per Minute! Slide the ring over your penis and enjoy a longer, harder erection as well as the fun of knowing how many times you've thrust per session!
That's right, you just slip your junk in there, have some sex, and it counts how many thrusts you complete before disappointing your partner. In my case six, give or take four (take four).
Hit the jump for two more views and a link to the NSFW product site. Aaaaaaand I'm spent.
Jan 24 2009 Wow, Just Wow: Chia Obama Heads
Chia Obama comes in both "determined" and "happy" poses, costs $20, and is probably the worst way to "honor" a president I can think of.
Hit the jump for a comparison of the two poses.
Jan 24 2009 Who Knew?: Vader Drives A Sports Car
First we discovered Lotus Exiges are standard issue for Imperial Stormtroopers, and now that Vader blasts around in a little Ariel Atom. What next, JarJar in a septic truck? Or maybe an Ewok in a fur-covered Caddy with fuzzy dice hanging from the rearview? Oooh -- and a Princess Leia hula girl dancing in the back window. Which, be honest, the thought of just gave you a boner. Just saying, now accepting pre-orders.
Hit the jump for a picture of Vader's Stormtrooper pit crew, the identity of the Lotus Stormtrooper revealed (SPOILER: it's a hot chick!), and a Stormtrooper dryhumping his girlfriend.
Jan 23 2009 I Told Ya'll It Was Real!: Amazing Wrestling
I'm pretty sure this is the most homoerotically beautiful thing I've ever seen.
WATCH TO THE END.
Thanks to francisco, who once threw his partner 30 feet while tango dancing. She hit a chandelier. And never came down.
Jan 23 2009 No, No, No, We Don't Pierce The Kitties!
Holly Crawford is a 34-year old sadistic dog groomer that decided to pierce the ears, necks, and tails of some cats and sell them as "gothic cats" on the interwebs. After being tipped off by PETA, her home was raided and she was arrested.
She defended herself saying that she did not see any difference between piercing a cat and piercing a human. She said she used sterile needles and surgical soap and that she checked the kittens several times a day to make sure they were healing properly.
Crawford said her dog-grooming business, Pawside Parlor, has plummeted since the raid and that she has received dozens of nasty phone calls.
Piercing pets -- what the f*** is wrong with people? Please discuss. And as a guy with a Prince Albert piercing myself, I've got to admit: sometimes I pee two streams.
'Gothic' pierced cats sold online [thesun]
Thanks to Kathryn, who knows kitties are for loving, not piercing.
Jan 23 2009 Wiilly Bad Ideas: Adding Weights To Wiimotes
Wow, wait till somebody beats their dog in the head or throws one of these through the TV.
Introducing riiflex, a weighted attachment designed for the the Wii™ remote. Soon gamers and fitness enthusiasts alike will be able to turn their Wiimote into a weighted dumbbell.
Be among the first to receive this innovative product by submitting your reservation for preorder today.* Designed for the Wii™ Remote (Wiimote).
* 2LB and 5LB increments (currently proposed).
* Allows access to all Wii™ Remote functions.
Riiflex: $5 to reserve for pre-order
New flatscreen television: $1,600
Two years of therapy for the kids when you kill the family dog: $9,000
Convincing yourself you'll actually get fit playing Wii with a weighted remote: priceless
There are some things money can't buy, for all the rest, steal.
Thanks to Tank, who works out his treads running over the bodies of his enemies.
Jan 23 2009 Concealed Dork Permit: The Gadget Holster
Oh God, please don't shoot -- with your iPhone! BWHAHHAHAH! Let me guess -- you failed the police academy entrance exam again.
The fashionable e-Volve™ Gadget Shoulder Holster is a new "carry all" shoulder holster that allows you to get all of your personal electronic gadgets off your belt, out of your pockets and into a comfortable shoulder holster.
The e-Volve Gadget Shoulder Holster is designed to "evolve" and adapt to the reality of constant state of change in personal electronics by enabling you to wear your present and future gadgets. This evolutionary capability is achieved by a simple, but functional design of this ergonomic shoulder holster.
I bet it's got a place to store Awethumbs! And it's only 70! F*** a fanny-pack, I want an e-Volve Gadget Shoulder Douche Holster! Watch this little trick -- nothing in my hands right.....BOOM, iPhone! Haha, I'd bet you'd you like to know where it came from -- too bad it's called magic. I'm serious, I had to fellate the sorcerer's apprentice.
Thanks to Atlas Thugged, who done crushed that punk bitch to deaf wif the planet, son.
Jan 23 2009 Mmmm, I'd Eat Him: Windwaker Link Bento
Mmmm, bento: artsy AND delicious. Throw some Zelda up in the mix and, hello, side of lust! This particular box was made by anna the red, who was also responsible for some of the other ridiculous bento we've seen in the past.
I first thought of making Link on his boat, but there was too much blue... so I gave up. I love when Link raises his hand in the air and strikes a poise when finds an item, so I decided to make Toon Link in the forest, finding a piece of heart.
Freaking amazing -- it really looks too good to eat!
UPDATE, TWO WEEKS LATER: Probably should have, Link's getting hairy. And, oh God -- *HORF* musky.
Hit the jump for closeups.
Continue Reading " Mmmm, I'd Eat Him: Windwaker Link Bento "
Jan 23 2009 ZOMG, I'm Buying It Now: $250K Mercedes SLR McLaren On Ebay For Only $45K!!!
Did I mention it was in the Great Chicago Fire? It was.
2005 Mercedes SLR McLaren, extensive fire damage. It has a lot of usable parts, including:* ENGINE
*TRANSMISION
*EXHAUST SYSTEM
*MOST OF THE FRONT SUSPENSION L+R
* FRONT WHEELS
* AND MANY OTHER MISCELANIOUS PARTS.
Screw it, I'm welding a patio chair to that sucker and calling myself Richy McMoney Burntride. So, uh, can one of you lovely readers float me $44K? Come on -- I'll let you sit on the gas tank and make VROOM VROOM noises!
Hit the jump for two more of the sadness.
Continue Reading " ZOMG, I'm Buying It Now: $250K Mercedes SLR McLaren On Ebay For Only $45K!!! "
Jan 23 2009 Mmmm, Sacky: A Delectable Sack Boy Cake
I remember being super freaking excited about the release of Little Big Planet, but I ended up never buying it because I made my own Sack Boy out of a potpourri sachet and he's about as much fun and odoriferous as I can stand. Well Geekologie reader Kelli made her own Sack Boy as well -- in cake form!
I made the cake for my friend Marchelo's birthday dinner last night, and everyone loved it! It was a basic lemon pudding cake with chocolate fudge frosting, all in all 2.5 cakes and 3 cans of frosting went into this creation!
Now I know what you're thinking, "my God, I want to gobble that sack", and believe me -- I'm right there with you.
Hit the jump for a bunch more, including some of the build, along with a link to a larger gallery.
Continue Reading " Mmmm, Sacky: A Delectable Sack Boy Cake "
Jan 23 2009 Help Prevent Carpal Tunnel With Awethumb!
This video is chock-full of slanderous lies and half-truths about the dangers of texting in an attempt to sell you little plastic thimbles to slip on your thumbs when using your cell phone. I'm only posting it because 1. I can't believe these pieces of shit and 2. I just love hearing the guy say "AWETHUMB!", particularly at 0:22 and the very end. $11.50 gets you "2 Small & 2 Large Awethumbs and a Microfiber Storage Pouch that Doubles as a Cleaning Cloth". $18.50 gets you everything mentioned above and an Awethumb handjob.
Product Page
Thanks to Mother B, who doesn't need Awethumbs, because they're stupid.
Jan 22 2009 Get Away From The World And Die Alone And Miserably In The 'Generic Escape Capsule'
'The Generic Escape Capsule' was fashioned by Australian artist Adam Norton out of an old wardrobe after he discovered it wouldn't transport him to a magical land where he could f*** lions and witches and goat-people. Basically, Adam included everything a person would need to survive a couple days away from the world, should one get tired of their nagging wife/girlfriend or get buried in an earthquake. Plus, as a bonus, it doubles as a masturbation chamber. Triples as kindling.
Hit the jump for a close up of the last thing you'll see before you decide it's just not worth living anymore.
Jan 22 2009 Stormtroopering Pays More Than Expected
This is a picture of an Imperial Stormtrooper driving a Lotus Exige. And you know, it really got me thinking -- why am I hanging with this ragtag bag of dicks in the Rebel Alliance -- these guys don't pay shit. I mean, Jesus, I have to use public transportation. Just saying, I look good in white.
Storm Trooper Trades In Speeder Bike For Something A Little More Agile [jalopnik]
Thanks to ZOMBIE BOB, who allegedly ate Ewok brain and loved it.
Jan 22 2009 Build Your Own Atari 2600 Controller Lamp
Want to build your own giant Atari 2600 controller lamp? No problem -- all it takes is some power tools, a shit-ton of skill, more patience than my girlfriend, and a month of unemployment. It'll totally be worth it though, right? No, it won't be. And yours will probably look like shit.
Hit the jump for several more of the finished product, along with a link to the very in-depth, and very difficult, instructions.
Continue Reading " Build Your Own Atari 2600 Controller Lamp "
Jan 22 2009 Wear Your Effing Wriststrap!: Woman Hits Dog With Wiimote, Killing It, Neighbor Revives
Kathy White hit her five-month old miniature Sheltie, Ozzy, in the head with a Wiimote when she was bowling with her daughter. Note: she didn't actually throw the remote, she was still holding it.
"We had just got the Wii for Christmas," explained owner Kathy White, "so we were trying it out, and that's when Alexis and I were bowling and Ozzy was standing by me and he jumped up and I hit him in the temple and killed him instantly."
Her first instinct was to call her neighbor Pene Honey for help.
Thankfully, Pene managed to come over and revive the dog with a little mouth to nose action.
Now she knows you have to be careful when playing a Wii.
"I just want people to be aware of their environment," White said, "especially small dogs and children so this doesn't happen to them. Because it was a horrifying experience and I don't want anyone to go through this."
I take it you didn't read the instructions before playing, did you, Kathy? No? Didn't notice the warning screen either? Jesus, how have you not died in a kitchen fire? Kathy White: astonishingly still alive after 40 years of not following instructions.
Hit the jump for a video report that will make you want to call animal services.
Jan 22 2009 Forget Rubik's, I Want A Yoshimoto Cube
A Yoshimoto Cube is actually two separate cubes nested together. The technical terminology for the change is "the transformation of two stellated rhombic dodecahedrons from a cube". Honestly, I just like listening to this guy's voice. It's soothing, like a homicidal maniac's.
Youtube
Thanks to OJ's Mom, who once transformed a stellated cylinder in his pants into a dodickahardon IN YO FACE!
Jan 22 2009 I've Seen It All Now: Air Guitar Strings
Air Guitar Strings cost $3 plus shipping and are an empty package that reads "Air Guitar Strings". Very clever. if you're thinking about buying them, here's an idea: why don't you give me half the money you were gonna pay, then we'll go out back, I'll kick you in the nuts, and we'll call it a day?
Hit the jump for the Vegas Vacation clip that's from and a link to the product page.
Continue Reading " I've Seen It All Now: Air Guitar Strings "
Jan 22 2009
Strange Lights In The Sky Can Only Mean One Of Two Things: The Aliens Are Coming Or Some Boring Natural Phenomenon
It's a well-known scientific fact that aliens have a light fetish. So these columns of light seen above the town of Sigulda, Latvia can only mean one thing: they're here. Needless to say, there's a cover-up in effect.
But experts are agreed there may be a more prosaic explanation - ice crystals in the air.
The air above the town was notably cold and filled with suspended ice crystals.It is believed that the columns were formed by those reflecting light from the bright streetlamps and other lights on the ground - beaming it back downwards again.
Yeah, no. Aliens, bitches, they're coming. Now I'd hate to start a bunch of fearmongering without doing something to help, so I'll cut straight to the chase: I'm selling tin-foil hats and butthole tape on eBay.
Hit the jump for several more pictures of the mysterious alien beams.
Jan 22 2009 Uh, I've Got The Feeling This Is Illegal: How To Hack Those Programmable Road Signs
Ever wanted to put your own message on one of those portable road signs along the highway? Well now you can with just a little tampering and a whole lot of illegal! Unfortunately, because many children read this website, you'll have to follow the link after the jump to find out how. I'll admit, I gave it a go myself, and it does actually work. Although I did get busted. In hindsight, standing next to the "SHOW ME YOUR TITS" sign with a Motorists Gone Wild t-shirt and video camera probably wasn't the smartest decision I've ever made. But definitely top five.
Hit it for a couple pictures and a link to the how-to.
Jan 21 2009 Guy Makes Portal Gun, I Plan To Steal It
Holy crap somebody went and made the gun from Portal. I have absolutely no shame in telling you all I am going to steal the device, and then use it to rob a bank and escape the po-po.
Developed by Aperture Science, this Handheld Portal Device is an extremely limited edition (dare I say, one of a kind?) portal generator. Illuminated with blue ad orange LEDs, the entire gun runs off of only one 9V battery and needs no ammunition.
*donning pantyhose mask* See you in a bit!
UPDATE: HOLY SHIT I'VE GOT IT! I even managed to escape without detection, so I don't even know if the thing works yet. *pointing at bedroom wall* Well, here goes nothing! *PEW* OH MY GOD IT WORKS! Aaaaand there's my sister. Aaaaand she's naked. Quick, portal me in the eyes!
Hit the jump for a couple more views.
Continue Reading " Guy Makes Portal Gun, I Plan To Steal It "
Jan 21 2009 I'm Tired Of Life Anyway: Wingsuit Madness
MUST WATCH, UNBELIEVABLE ACTION.
Wingsuits: just like being a bird, except no bird is dumb enough to do that shit.
UPDATE: A cardinal just flew into the window. Superbowl omen!?
Thanks to The Jerk, Jim and Phil, who don't need to almost die to have a good time, video games are enough.
Jan 21 2009 FastSkinz: Improve Your Gas Mileage And Achieve That Coveted Golf Ball Look
Let's face it, we all want our cars to look more like golf balls. But what's a guy to do? Simple, have FastSkinz applied! Fastskinz look dimply and also improve your vehicle's gas mileage. Now I don't really want to go into details (I'll leave that for the quote), but I think it has something to do with dimples being super-cute and a highly desirable characteristic in a mate.
Long ago, golf ball manufacturers discovered that a dimpled surface would help a ball to fly farther through the air with less drag, so why not apply the same thinking to cars? The dimples reduce the wake turbulence caused by early separation of the boundary layer...The company claims an 18-20 percent improvement in gas mileage, although independent testing is still needed.
I didn't bother reading that, but I'm pretty confident I was right: golf balls have dimples and require almost no gas, so it only makes sense that a dimply car shouldn't either. Damn, I really am the L337 science guy. F*** you, Bill Nye!
FastSkinz claims to improve your car's mileage using golf ball technology [dvice]
Jan 21 2009 Beer Hoodie: Look, Bartender -- No Hands!
I've got the feeling this has existed forever, but just in case it hasn't, here it is -- the $36 Beer Pouch Sweatshirt with Hood.
Finally! You can carry around a beer while leaving your hands free to high five a complete stranger in the stands, carry more beer, or operate your hands-free cellphone. The Beer Pouch Sweatshirt is perfect for sporting events, picnics, and really boring offices.
Features a 30 square inch pouch with elastic band and an insulating liner to keep your beer ice cold. The pouch can stretch to accommodate soda cans, bottled water, and even cans of soup and bottles of whipped cream.
Wow, I think that effectively convinced me not to buy one after all. Not that I was going to anyways -- I've already got a beer carrier. Isn't that right, wench? Wench?
NOTICE: Now hiring new beer wench. Must be able to lift 20 lbs, support 190. Large breasts a plus, penis a minus.
Product Page
Thanks to pirhan, who hand-frees beer the old fashioned way, with one of those beer helmets.
Jan 21 2009 Sure, Why Not?: Dude Laser Etches All The Levels Of Super Mario Land Onto His Eee Pc
Remember Super Mario Land for the Gameboy? Yeah, that shit was hard. Well Flickr user revolvingdork went and laser etched the top of his Eee PC with the entire freaking game.
Everything from the familiar layouts of 1-1 to the climactic battle with Tatanga in the clouds at the end of 4-3 is represented in the etching.
This was made possible with the laser cutter at NYC Resistor in Brooklyn, where you can go to get your laptop etched too!I set the laser in raster mode at 70% speed and 40% power to achieve this look.
There you have it folks, now get out there and laser-etch your laptops! Except for best results I recommend setting the laser for 1% speed and 100% power. Just trust me -- if your computer catches fire, it's working.
Hit the jump for a closeup in which you can really appreciate the detail.
Jan 21 2009 Wow, That's Woody: A Custom Wooden Vespa
This wooden Vespa was made by woodmaster Carlos Alberto to show off his skills in the art of woodery. The entire exterior was constructed of laminated hardwood and, I've got to admit, it looks pretty damn amazing. But the question remains: is there a cooler form of transportation than a wooden Vespa? And the answer, of course, is yes, all of them. Including hobbling on crutches.
Hit the jump for several closeups and a link to the build page.
Continue Reading " Wow, That's Woody: A Custom Wooden Vespa "
Jan 21 2009 My Turn, My Turn!: Cat Rides Subwoofer
We already discovered cats have a penchant for Roombas, but who knew the little fish-loving shit machines love riding subwoofers as well? Not me. But, as is evident from the video, its like an amusement park ride for the little furballs. Toss some catnip into the mix and it'll be just like that time I got high and puked in Space Mountain. Fun!
Cat Gets Good Vibrations From Subwoofer [gizmodo]
Jan 21 2009 I Like: A Sweet LEGO-Inspired T-Shirt
This is a completely unlicensed t-shirt from Fuzzy Ink that features a LEGO minifig trying on different heads. It'll set you back $16 if you want one and comes in three color choices: gray. Which head would you wear? I'm leaning towards the one with the eyepatch or the hooker. Oh, now I can't decide. F*** it, I'm wearing them one on top of the other. "Yaaaar, you scurvy-ridden seaslugs!" "Handjobs, $10."
Thanks to Justin, who bought one and promises to wear it on twin-day so we match.
Jan 20 2009 BOOM, Headshot!: Sniping App For iPhone
Now you can shoot things with better accuracy thanks to BulletFlight, a $10 application available for the iPhone and iPod Touch.
Users can mount their iPod touch to their rifle, and then use the iPod's touch-screen to tap in details about the wind conditions, ammunition type, distance to the intended target and even the wind speed.
"Unlike other apps, BulletFlight does not output information in table format," says the application's iTunes page. "What it does do is dynamically give you the solution you need now to take that shot."
Really? Attaching an iPhone to a sniper rifle? Terrorists everywhere will laugh at you. Thanks but no thanks, I prefer to do my sniping the old-fashioned way -- with a powerful burning laser. PEW PEW!
Sniper rifle software launched for iPod touch [telegraph]
Thanks to Tony and Larry, who only make heads explode with knowledge, son.
Jan 20 2009 Wow, What A Go-Getter: Kid Buys Back Car To Prove Speeding Ticket Was Falsely Issued
One day Dale Lyle got a speeding ticket in the mail issued by one of those automatic ticketing cameras. It claimed he was doing 98MPH in his 14-year old Honda Civic, a car he insisted could only do 85MPH max on a downhill slope with a tailwind. So what did he do? He did what any badass would do -- he stuck it to the man like dogshit under a cardoor handle.
Mr Lyle, 21, who has a clean driving license, had already sold the car to a friend for £600. He had to take out a bank overdraft to buy it back. Then he had to pay an independent driving expert £600 to test the 1.3litre Civic's top speed at a circuit in Bedfordshire.
The result was as expected. Even when driven flat-out, the Honda could still only do a top speed of 85.4mph in fourth gear and 81.3mph in fifth.Next, Mr Lyle obtained the mobile speed-camera footage of his alleged offence - travelling at 98mph on a 70mph three-lane carriageway of the A38, near Plymouth, on December 13, 2007.
The three-minute film shows three other cars in the frame at the same time, he said, which he believes means his vehicle was mistaken for another.
Nice, Dale, way to make us all proud. Now make the court give you back all the money you spent. I swear, I wish I was more like you. I probably would have just paid the fines and then vandalized the ticketing camera. Yay, passive-aggressiveness!
Also, somebody make this website a freaking Wikipedia page already. Geekologie demands Wikognition!
Hit the jump for a picture of the test report Dale had run.
Jan 20 2009 Guy Gets Arm Replaced Luke Skywalker Style
Evan Reynolds, 19, got his hand and part of his arm ripped off in a car accident and has since been fitted with an i-LIMB, a robotic hand developed by an Apple/Star Wars fanboy.
The i-Limb was developed by a Scottish company, Touch Bionics, and has won awards for its innovative technology. The total cost including the hand itself and the fitting is about £30,000.
"It's so sensitive I can grip a bottle of water or a paper cup without crushing it, and even swing a racket. All I have to so is imagine picking something up or gripping it and the fingers and thumb move automatically."Mr Reynolds said his disability has not stopped him playing sport, his greatest passion, nor has it crushed his spirit.
Don't get me wrong, I'm all for fake arms and shit, but I'd still be pissed if Evan could throw the ball better than me. And that, dear reader, is only one of the thousands of reasons why I'm going to spend eternity in hell with a piece of glowing charcoal in my ass.
Bionic hand gives student new lease of life [telegraph]
Thanks to MoMan, who fears the day his robotic prosthetic turns on him and rips his penis off.
Jan 20 2009 Cows With Holes Directly To Their Stomachs
And I'm not talking about their mouths either! Or assholes. I'm talking hole holes, like, holy shit(!), that cow has a freaking hole in it!
These cows have been given a fistula, a hole directly into the stomach that scientists can reach into and study to see how certain foods get digested. Through this kind of work, better food can be concocted and studies into stomach cancer and other problems can be conducted. Although it looks inhumane, the cows don't seem to mind.
*HORF* You know, now that I think about it, I think they had a cow like this at Virginia Tech when I was there. Of course, I never saw it because I wasn't allowed anywhere near the animal husbandry department. Funny story -- did you know sheep can file restraining orders?
Hit the jump for some even more disturbing imagery.
Continue Reading " Cows With Holes Directly To Their Stomachs "
Jan 20 2009 I Can Add!: Tokyoflash's Kisai Keisan Watch
I know what you're thinking, "holy shit, we have a new president!" And also, "damnit Geekologie Writer, hit me the latest in time-telling devices". Well you got it, son. The Kisai Keisan is the latest in Tokyoflash's wrist flasherdashery. If you can add, you can tell what time it is on the Keisan.
Calculate the time with Keisan. Simply touch the button and digits will appear in four vertical lines. Add the digits in each vertical line to read the time. The date is displayed in the same way after the time. The time and date can be accelerated by pressing button A again. To find out more, take a look at the interactive manual to the right.
The Keisan is available for $255 in black with red or green LEDS, and silver with orange or yellow LEDs. But hurry -- they'll be gone in a Tokyoflash! ZOMG, I think I just reached a new level in L337 advertising: +30 selling, -20 dignity! I swear, I could sell fire to Satan -- or cans of bitch to my ex-wife!
Hit the jump for a bunch more pictures of the flashery.
Continue Reading " I Can Add!: Tokyoflash's Kisai Keisan Watch "
Jan 20 2009 Admit It, You're Lazy: A Cup Noodle Machine
Why you'd need a vending machine for a product that only requires hot water and three minutes to be ready for consumption is beyond me. Yet, here it is, a Cup Noodle (I always thought it was Cup-O-Noodles) vending machine.
It's small enough to fit on a counter top, and includes a hot water thermos and storage for up to four Cup Noodle bowls with a dispenser. It even has an automatic timer that'll beep when three minutes is up and your food is ready to eat.
Jesus, it's called a microwave, folks. And who else has accidentally eaten part of the styrofoam cup while downing a Cup Noodle all drunk? Go ahead, admit it -- nothing to be ashamed of. HAHA, you freaking ate the cup! To your credit though, I wouldn't trust you with a fork either.
Nissin offers introverts compact cup noodle vending machines [tokyomango]
Thanks to Niki, who stopped eating Ramen in college because she got to look at some under a microscope and it looked too noodley.
Jan 20 2009 Umm, Okay: Wooden Hand iPhone Holder
Looking for a $95 wooden iPhone holder that looks like a hand? Well look no further, you eccentric bastard you, here she blows!
This custom hand carved iPhone Holder is one-of-one worldwide! Wow you Apple loving friend with this ultra-exclusive accessory. The precise carving of this iPhone base realistically replicates the human hand. Compatible with Original iPhone and iPhone 3G for a very snug and precise fit. iPhone conveniently slides in and out vertically.
That's, uh....that's something. Not really my cup of tea, but that's just because I don't feel like lugging a giant wooden hand around in my pocket all day. I mean, I've got enough hand in my pocket as it is. And speaking of which -- two ball, change pocket.
Hit the jump for some closeups and a link to the Etsy product page.
Jan 20 2009 Ninja Cat Will Kill You In Your Sleep, Lick Itself
Remember the first ninja cat? That was one stealthy bastard, was he not? He was. Well here comes another feline with killer instincts, this one demonstrating a technique for climbing stairs without detection. Now I'm not saying I wish my cats were more ninja-like, but I do wish they'd learn that just because their two front paws are in the litter box, doesn't mean they're pissing in it.
Thanks to Amanda, who had to scold her cat for throwing shurikens at the dog.
Jan 20 2009 Fire Hazards: $5,000 Paper Houses
The Wall AG is a Swiss company out to solve the problem of homelessness, particularly in third-world countries, with the Universal World House -- a $5,000 paper house.
This isn't mere papercraft--the Universal World House is a $5,000, 390-square-foot modular home, outfitted with plumbing and boarding facilities to support up to eight (eight!) residents each. The secret of its construction is its "paper" shell; the resin-soaked cellulose, made from recycled paper, is shaped into honeycomb walls, which provide structural integrity and insulation to the houses.
Concerned about your ability to slaughter an animal in your new abode? Worry not!
It has been designed so that a family can slaughter an animal on the veranda, wash it in the shower and hang it, along with fish, on an integrated washing line.
Sweet! The only problem is the, uh, the paper. Remember The Three Little Pigs. Even the dumbest one used straw. Just saying.
$5,000 Paper House is the World's Swankiest Hobo Pad [gizmodo]
Thanks to kristy, who was smart enough to build with Styrofoam.
Jan 19 2009 Wood Is Good: A Scrabble Keyboard
Ever wondered what a keyboard would look like if it had Scrabble tiles for keys? This. Finally, you can sleep at night.
This keyboard was commissioned by a couple of friends of mine from back east (NJ) who are avid Scrabble players. Most of the keys are made from real Scrabble tiles that were all hand-beveled (truly an exercise in patience/masochism!) and built onto a USB, clicky, mechanical-switch keyboard. This keyboard was going into a Mac environment so I decided to use brushed aluminum for the casing and round all of the corners to keep with the sleek, simple Macintosh styling. Near the end of the build, I decided that the keyboard looked a little too minimalist so I added some silver hardware and a seam to put a slightly industrialized twist on the design.
Alternatively, glue Scrabble tiles to your current keyboard. Just make sure you put the correct letters on. O YJOML O YXDEW IT IO! That's a bingo, count it.
Hit the jump for a bunch of closeups.
Jan 19 2009 Mom Unplugs XBox, Kid Assaults With Taco
The latest in a string of culinary assaults, Zachary Moir (now to be known as the taco tosser. Or, if he ends up doing time, the taco salad tosser) assaulted his mother with a delicious, meat-filled tortilla.
When he refused to stop playing his X-box and come down for dinner, Dena Moir says she went upstairs and unplugged the game, that's when she says Zachary pushed her and called her a bad name...A few minutes later Dena says she was in the kitchen cleaning and cooking tacos for dinner when Zachary showed up. That's when she says he slapped her arm and threw a taco in her face.
Wow, Zachary, I can understand you not wanting to eat since you're already so full of fail, but tacos are delicious you freaking idiot.
Big Shot Allegedly Throws Taco at Mommy for Unplugging Xbox [gizmodo]
Thanks to Frostee, who almost threw a churro at his grandmother for having the television volume up so loud, but ate it instead.
Jan 19 2009 Sure, Why Not?: Philips Making 21:9 TV
The 56" Philips Cinema Widescreen LCD is a 21:9 television hitting the streets of selected countries next month. If you want one you can pay an arm and a kidney and watch movies in the proper 21:9 aspect ratio without black barring it. If you don't want one, forget you ever read this and save that precious brain-space for something useful. Like a tv theme song! Which reminds me -- "thank you for being a friend..." Haha, marinate on that one all afternoon, suckers!
philips cinema 21:9 ultra widescreen perfect for movie snobs [technabob]
Thanks to Julian, who who thought about getting one until he realized he owned a movie theater. An adult movie theater. No, that's not creepy.
Jan 18 2009 Anybody Seen My Foil Helmet?: UFO Destroys Wind Turbine, Aliens Make Off With A Piece
The alien apocalypse is upon us! Those other-worldly asslovers have already started sabotaging our power systems, starting with most crippling -- yes, the wind turbines.
The facts: The turbine suffered a catastrophic failure at night around the same time many locals reported "glowing spheres" in the sky. The manufacturer says the turbine was built to withstand extreme conditions. And the blade that snapped off still hasn't been found.
That's right folks, we can finally add destruction of property and theft to the long list of rectal crimes aliens have committed here on Earth. Apparently the little wonk-eyed bastards hate renewable energy and just all around jerks and litter bugs. Which, honestly, I've been trying to tell you all for years. Remember the time I woke up with a burger wrapper and Styrofoam cup in my ass? Exactly.
Breaking: Aliens hate wind power [dvice]
Jan 18 2009 No, Absolutely Not: A $64,000 Turntable
We've already featured $19,000 and $300,000 turntables here on Geekologie, but what about something for the average guy -- you know, a mid-range record player? Enter the Angelis Labor Gabrielle Turntable.
The Gabriel is made from aluminum, bronze and stainless steel and can be customized with up to four arms. Each arm is made in a Modena, Italy, factory that also builds Ferrari parts. A one-armed model costs about $27,000, while a four-armed version runs for $64,000, including installation.
Why would anyone want four arms on their record player? Different pickup cartridges produce different types of sound, and some audiophiles like to match their record players' arms to different genres of music without going through the hassle of swapping cartridges."When I look at it," said Placido Pappalardo, co-owner of maker Angelis Labor, "the only word that comes to mind is love."
Really, Placido, love? I was maybe thinking spaceship or PEW PEW, but certainly not love. Unless, of course, you meant LOVE love, in which case, I'd hit that shit like a Laserdisc player.
Hit the jump for a bunch of closeups.
Continue Reading " No, Absolutely Not: A $64,000 Turntable "
Jan 18 2009 Highly Questionable: Steve Jobs Has HIV?
I'm assuming the picture is all part of a really shitty hoax, but who knows.
On January 14, 2009, in an internal Apple memo, Jobs wrote that in the previous week he had "learned that my health-related issues are more complex than I originally thought" and announced a six-month leave of absence until the end of June 2009 to allow him to better focus on his health.
Obviously I hope Steve doesn't actually have HIV, but that Apple finds a cure anyways. Whatever the case may be -- get better, Steve.
Steve Jobs purported HIV medical status results, 2008 [wikileaks]
Thanks to steve (not THE Steve), Jimmy and Malicious Lingerer, who all wish Mr. Jobs the best.
