Jan 10 2009 Blue Screen Of Lust: Real Computer Pron
This is a video of some computer porn. Like computer porn in the truest sense: computer parts getting it on with one another. It really didn't do much for me, but that's probably because it's super softcore compared to a lot of the other stuff I've seen. Haha, you know what I'm talking about -- that real quadcore shit.
Thanks to Nick, who claims he doesn't find this sort of thing titillating. He's a liar.
Jan 10 2009 Barack Obama To Star In Spider-Man Comic
Did you know Barack Obama collected Spider-Man comics? I didn't. But since he is such a big fan, Marvel artists have decided to feature Barack in a special inaugural issue.
Mr Obama's fan status was revealed by his campaign team, who released 10 little-known facts about the Democrat. "Right at the top of that list was he collected Spider-Man comics"
In the six-page story, an impostor poses as the new president on inauguration day in a dubious attempt to cop a ride in the new presidential limo. That's when Spidey has to swing in and bust the proverbial web.
When an imposter turns up, Spider-Man leaps into action, greeting Mr Obama with the words: "Hiya, prez-elect! Loved ya in the debates."
Hiya, prez-elect? Loved ya in the debates? WTF, Spiderman? Next time I think it's best if you just just keep your mouth closed. And also, the zipper of that costume -- I think I saw your Spidey-bits.
Obama to star in Spider-Man comic [bbcnews]
Thanks to Jennaiii and Canoboy, who are immune to spider bites because they were both bit by black widows in utero.
Jan 9 2009 New Presidential Limo Ready For Action Jan 20
CLICK HERE FOR FULL SIZE IMAGE
Remember the new presidential limo that Cadillac designed to be PEW PEW proof? Well it's been approved for use starting January 20th and is jam-packed with all kinds of exciting features like extra presidential blood (I'm not kidding) and 8-inch thick (me too, ladies) doors that weigh as much as a 757's cabin door. I thought it was funny the driver side window is the only one that goes down and even it only 3-inches (me too, ladies) to "pay a toll or talk with secret service agents running alongside". Pay a toll? Get freaking real! I know the picture is small, so click here to see the full size image and read all those little words. Then, read my lips: No. new. tickets. Seriously, I'm already driving on a suspended license. Shhhhhh!
Inside the Rocket-Proof Obamamobile [gizmodo]
Thanks to Pat and Vossk, who allegedly both banged hookers in the back of this thing while it was being built.
Jan 9 2009 TURN YOUR SPEAKERS DOWN: Stupid Kid Gets Wii For Christmas, Doesn't Deserve It
TURN YOUR SPEAKERS DOWN, SERIOUSLY. This is a video of some kid getting wiidiculous after he opens a Wii on Christmas. And let me tell you: based on his behavior, I would have taken that shit right back to the store. But in all seriousness kid, your parents don't love you. Don't believe me? Where was your Wii on Christmas 2006? 2007? Exactly.
NOTE: To everyone else that didn't get a Wii until this Christmas, I'm sure it was just a supply shortage issue.
Thanks to Edgar (aka the-iguana) and Sarah, who hope the box was filled with coal almost as much as I do.
Jan 9 2009 Obama Requests Extension For Analog TV Shutdown. Confused Grandparents Rejoice, But Don't Really Know What's Happening.
President-elect Barack Obama requested Congress extend the analog television cut-off date because inadequate funding and flaws in the converter box program. You know, because a bunch of people are stupid. And dumb. Mad dumb.
John Podesta, co-chair of the Obama-Biden transition team, requested that "the cut-off date (February 17th) for analog signals should be reconsidered and extended". The letter was sent this Thursday to the chairs and ranking Republicans on the House Energy & Commerce Committee and Senate Commerce Committee.
Apparently there is some concern that the inbreds will freak out and blame the new president when their picture-boxes stop working shortly after his inauguration. So better to postpone the shutdown and educate the yokels before things get out of hand. Uh-oh, and speaking of getting out of hand -- where'd my penis go?
Jan 9 2009 Wife Cheats On Husband, They Separate, Man Demands Return Of Kidney Or Compensation
Doctor Richard Batista married his wife Dawnell in 1990 and donated a kidney to save her life in 2001. Since then, the whore of a hobag cheated on him and filed for divorce. And now Richard, like any normal person, wants his freaking kidney back (or $1.5 million in compensation).
He told reporters at his lawyer's office in Long Island, New York, that going public was a last resort.
"There is no deeper pain that you can ever express than betrayal from somebody who you love and devoted your life to," he said.But divorce lawyers say a donated organ is not a marital asset to be divided.
Wow, I feel you Richard. And as a man who's going through a divorce himself, I've got to say: thank God I never gave the bitch an organ. Or a kid. Haha, I'm free!
Divorce man 'wants kidney back' [bbcnews]
Thanks to Pat and Jennaiii, who know the only organ you should ever give your wife isn't internal. Unless you've been swimming for a long time in cold water, in which case, hey, it happens to me too.
Jan 9 2009 Pre & Post Dump Weighing: The Toilet Scale
The Toilet Scale was designed by Haikun Deng so you can weigh yourself while using the john. Personally, I like to sit down while I pee. I'm not sure why I just shared that. Anway, the only problem is you have to make sure your feet aren't touching the ground while it's weighing, or it won't work. So you have to kick your legs out in front of you. Which, let's be honest, we all do anyways. One time I kicked the towel-bar off the wall! This scale is perfect for determining the weight of turds so you can brag to your friends about them later. Wow, a six pounder -- somebody call Guinness! Seriously, I think this warrants a free beer.
Hit the jump for another picture and a little comic of a rabbit sitting on a toilet, in case you've always wanted to see that.
Continue Reading " Pre & Post Dump Weighing: The Toilet Scale "
Jan 9 2009 The Burger King Whopper Sacrifice: Delete 10 Of Your Facebook Friends For A Free Whopper
Burger King has developed a Facebook application called Whopper Sacrifice that rewards users for deleting friends. You just delete 10 friends from Facebook, and TA-DA -- a coupon for a free Whopper. Unfortunately, the deal only works once per Facebook account and makes you look like a heartless dickbag with a turd for a heart that sucks at life because you'd trade your friendship for a piece of meat in your mouth. Can you tell I've already lost most of my friends? I'm bitter.
Thanks Kenny, de-friend me and I'll kill you.
Jan 9 2009 I Don't Know....The Evolution Of Robots
This is a German commercial for something I have no idea what is (saturn.de?) that shows the evolution of technology in robotic form. It confused me in my pants. I definitely felt a little twitter at the part with the t-rex, but the rest of it just scared me. And the chick from Tron at the end? Fine, I'll admit it: boner. It was her voice, I swear!
Thanks to pirhan and ITSELF, who know the only good robot is a dead one. Or one that looks like a dinosaur and has realistic-feeling skin.
Jan 9 2009 Oooooh, Gamey: The Joystick Coat Rack
HangUP Arcade Coat Hooks by Surface Tension are made out of real arcade joysticks and buttons and conveniently store your coat or jacket up and out of bong's way.
Coming sometime early this year, they'll be available in 3UP and 4UP versions. You can pick your own joystick ball colors too. The standard models will ship in black walnut wood, but they're happy to take custom orders for other materials too.
Alternatively, go apeshit at the arcade and rip off a joystick and a couple buttons. Then, screw those bitches to a piece of plywood, and presto: junk. But not in your trunk -- in your foyer. Was that too sexy?
arcade joystick coat hangers: control your clutter [technabob]
Thanks to Riki Kiki Taco, who doesn't need a coat rack because she only wears win.
Jan 8 2009 New Space Toilet Ready To Drop (!) In 2014
The Japan Aerospace Exploration Agency (JAXA) believe they've solved the age-old problem of how to shit in space.
The current ISS toilet is a Russian-built, western-style commode that sucks waste away like a vacuum cleaner. Use of that toilet requires practice before heading to space, particularly because an improperly seated user has the potential to create a messy situation.
Clean and easy to use, the envisioned space toilet is designed to be worn like a diaper around the astronaut's waist at all times. Sensors detect when the user relieves him or herself, automatically activating a rear-mounted suction unit that draws the waste away from the body through tubes into a separate container. In addition to washing and drying the wearer after each use, the next-generation space toilet will incorporate features that eliminate unwanted sound and odor.
No offense, JAXA, but that sounds a little like overkill. Here's a much simpler and cost effective solution: shit yo pants! Then put them in a bag, and throw them out the nearest air-lock. Extra points for hitting a passing UFO.
Next-generation space toilet ready in five years [pinktentacle
Thanks to abovedefault and Praveen, who don't need vacuum-diapers because they digest everything. That's right, everything. Even gum.
Jan 8 2009 Learn: How To Excel In A Job Interview
And that, dear reader, is how I became The Geekologie Writer.
Thanks to Tim, whose special skills aren't just limited to a 20-inch dong.
Jan 8 2009 Highly Questionable Yellow Glasses Supposed To Prevent Computer-Related Eye Fatigue
Gunnar glasses ($100 - $189!!!!!!!!!!) come in cleverly named styles like Bit Surfer, Wi-Five and El Doucherino, and are supposed to prevent the eye fatigue caused by blogging eight hours a day. That's right ladies and gentlemen....prepare to experience "Enhanced Computer Vision".
Ever wonder why your eyes get tired after staring at a PC screen for hours? Gunnar says it's because of the LCD screen's cold color temperature. According to these folks, the bluish tints your PC screen displays strains the eyes, you don't blink as much and your eyes don't hydrate.
So the yellow makes your screen look warmer, and as a result you blink more and your eyes don't get tired. Pffft, what nonsense. Your eyes get tired from staring at a computer eight hours a day BECAUSE YOU'RE STARING AT A GODDAMN COMPUTER EIGHT HOURS A DAY. The only things worse for your eyes are reading fine print and staring at the sun. Or getting one pecked out by a parrot. F*CK YES I WEAR MY EYEPATCH WHEN I BLOG!
Jan 8 2009 Super Mario Bros. Knocked Off As Best-Selling Video Game Ever, Your Wii Mii Rejoices
That's right folks, Wii Sports is now the best-selling video game ever. And not just because it comes bundled with the Wii, but 100% because it comes bundled with the Wii.
Shocked? Don't be. Unlike most video games that can be bought at retail, Wii Sports comes bundled with the Wii hardware in every territory other than Japan and Korea. In other words, if you bought a Wii, you bought Wii Sports whether you liked it or not (chances are, you liked it). With over 45 million Wiis sold worldwide to date, it's only logical that Wii Sports would start smashing records sooner or later.
And before you brand Wii Sports a false champion due to being bundled with hardware, consider that Super Mario Bros. was also sold as a bundle with the original Nintendo Entertainment System during its mid-80's heyday.
Well hooray. More importantly, did anybody notice that I Photoshopped Mario's fingers so he's now holding up two (for second place!) instead of one? Because I did that. I also took the pinky off his other hand. Gambling debt.
Wii Sports is best-selling game ever [yahoo]
Thanks to D.K., who may or may not still attend anger management classes for all the barrel throwing.
Jan 8 2009 Wow, Just Wow: Puff The Magic Dragon-Cake
Now THAT'S what I call a freaking cake. This massive firebreathing bitch was made for some Dungeon & Dragoners for a very special feast. A feast which included, but was not limited to: mozzarella sticks and corn dogs (see gallery after jump). Now that's what I call eating like a king. Or a handsome prince! HIYO. Anyway, this amazing piece of delicious was made by Mike's Amazing Cakes. Now who else here gets the feeling Mike sold his soul to an evil sorcerer to be granted the gift of cake? You think it was worth it? I personally wouldn't want to spend eternity being force-fed cake with my asshole sewn shut, but, you know, that's just me.
Hit the jump for the gallery and a link to an even more massive Flickr stream.
Continue Reading " Wow, Just Wow: Puff The Magic Dragon-Cake "
Jan 8 2009 60% Of The Time, It Works Every Time: Anchorman's Sex Panther Cologne
I didn't really like Anchorman, but that's neither here nor there. Now you can buy officially licensed Sex Panther cologne from the movie for only $30 per 1.7-oz spray bottle. No word if it's made with real panther bits or smells like gasoline, but if I had to guess, I'd say wear Old Spice. You'll remind women of their grandfathers. And that, dear reader, will leave more chicks for me. Thanks, suckers!
Product Site
Thanks to Flickledorx, who doesn't need cologne to be flammable. The man is hot!
Jan 8 2009 The World's Smallest Automatic Weapon?
Allegedly this is the world's smallest automatic weapon. I'm pretty sure it's just some sort of automatic handgun with a monster drum magazine, but what do I know -- I'm just a guy who gets a boner holding a BB gun.
Youtube
Thanks to Andrew, who once brought a knife to a gunfight and stabbed everyone to death. Also, thanks to my brother, who PEW PEWs with the best of them.
Jan 8 2009 Whee: Watch Walmart Spread Like A Virus!
Walmart: where else can you go drink and have shopping cart races at 3 AM? Ha, besides my underground race track? Nowhere, that's where. Now click here to watch an interactive map of Walmart's virus-like growth from 1964 to 2007. As you can see, the big-box giant has been invading America like a disease for 45 years. Just imagine: if every Walmart store was actually a giant robot. We'd all be dead as shit! Now somebody get Hollywood on the phone -- I smell an Oscar.
Watching the Growth of Walmart Across America [flowingdata]
via
The Andromeda Strain [splicetoday]
Thanks to Andrew, who doesn't know anything about viruses because he's clean. Ladies? Sorry Andrew, I tried.
Jan 7 2009 ZOMG: New Toy Teaches You How To Wield 'The Force' Using Brainwaves Or Something
Oh yeah, a toy that teaches you how to utilize 'The Force'. You know, from Star Wars.
The Force Trainer (expected to be priced at $90 to $100) comes with a headset that uses brain waves to allow players to manipulate a sphere within a clear 10-inch-tall training tower, analogous to Yoda and Luke Skywalker's abilities in the Star Wars films.
First of all, being able to manipulate a ping pong ball IS IN NOT WAY analogous to Yoda and Luke Skywalker's abilities -- those dudes could throw freaking spaceships around.
A state of deep concentration is needed to achieve a Force-full effect. "When you concentrate, it activates the training remote," says Frank Adler of toymaker Uncle Milton Industries, which is creating the Trainer. "There is a flow of air that will move the (ball). You can actually feel like you are in a zone."
Deep concentration....in a zone....hmmm, that sounds familiar. Of course -- Skee-ball!
Toy trains 'Star Wars' fans to use The Force [usatoday]
Thanks to Menchi, who promises to teach me The Force just as soon as she masters it.
Jan 7 2009 6-Year Old Misses Bus, Steals Family Car, Learned To Drive Playing Grand Theft Auto
A six-year old (possibly Lil Derrick) missed the school bus and did what any responsible, education-loving tyke would do -- stole his parents' 2005 Ford Taurus and drive his damn self. It almost brings a tear to my eye. Almost. Super villains don't cry though. I ain't no little bitch!
He made at least two 90-degree turns, passed several cars and ran off the rural two-lane road several times before hitting an embankment and utility pole about a mile and a half from school.
The boy told police he learned to drive playing Grand Theft Auto and Monster Truck Jam video games."He was very intent on getting to school," said Northumberland County Sheriff Chuck Wilkins. "When he got out of the car, he started walking to school. He did not want to miss breakfast and PE."
Damn, what a student he must be! I think we've got a future rocket scientist on our hands here. Just kidding, he'll be locked up in no time.
6-year-old takes family car after missing bus [ajc]
Thanks to Chris and Kevin, who never stole cars to get to school because those mutherf***ers had jetpacks, yo!
Jan 7 2009 Time Flies!: An Artsy, Steampunkish Watch
Deviantartist sadwonderland went and made a steampunk styled wristwatch. While it doesn't look super steampunky, I still like the style. Hell, I'd wear it if I was a woman. Or, haha, home alone with the door locked and shades pulled tight. I'm not kidding.
This is a fancy steampunk-style wristwatch, fully functioning, with a new battery in it all ready to go!
A pair of angelic wings and decorative clock cogs frame the timepiece, and a charm chain hangs below, carrying a cog and a small victorian heart.Perfect for costuming or fancy time-travel parties!
I'm digging those wings. And you know what they say -- time flies when you're wearing a steampunk watch! What do you mean they don't say that? Well what do they say? Toy boat ten times fast? Fine! Toy boat, toy boat, toy boat, toy boat, toy boyt, toy boyt, toyboyt, toyboyt, toyboyt, toyboyt! Oh, now everyone in the coffee shop is looking at me funny. F*** you, people, I'm a blogger damnit!
Lestrade Watch [deviantart]
Thanks to KXHone, who doesn't need a winged watch for time to fly, just alcohol.
Jan 7 2009 Most Complained About Commercial Of 2008
This is allegedly the most complained about commercial of 2008. It's an Australian ad for Kotex U brand tampons. And, despite all feminine hygiene commercials making me die a little bit inside, I didn't think it was that bad.
Thanks to Julian for reminded me that Summer's Eve commercials are, in fact, totally awesome.
Jan 7 2009 Motorola's New Carbon-Neutral Cell Phone
Motorola unveiled what is believed to be the first carbon neutral (and sideways) cell phone at the 2009 Consumer Electronics Show this week. The W233 Renew Phone is made predominately out of recycled plastic bottles and Motorola hopes it will help the company bust a circuit all up in the environmentally friendly market segment.
Motorola said it was the world's first carbon neutral phone. As well as using recycled materials for the plastic casing, the company also pledged to offset the carbon dioxide used in manufacturing, distribution and operation of the phone through investments in renewable energy sources and reforestation.Motorola, which has lost market share by being slow to follow trends such as touchscreens and high-speed data links, also plans to showcase three different items at CES: a relatively large touchscreen tablet phone, a rugged phone, and a rechargeable cable TV remote control with a find feature.
Holy shit -- a rechargeable TV remote with a find feature! That's new and exciting! Seriously Motorola, I can see why you've been struggling. And who can get that excited about your recycled-plastic phone anyways -- it looks like the same piece of shit i was rocking three years ago (minus the lime green). Now a cell-phone manufactured out of used condoms, THAT would be something. Aural sex anyone?
Motorola phone made from recycled bottles [msnbc]
Thanks to ITSELF, who once had phone-sex with some chick at 411 and didn't even have to pay.
Jan 7 2009 Robot Is Stolen, Don't Look At Me *whistling*
Somebody went and stole a robot! Can you believe it? That's just wrong! I am outraged.
The Washington County (Oregon) Sheriff's Office said physics professor Erik Sanchez reported the theft Monday.
He said he felt sick Sunday and mistakenly left his sport utility vehicle unlocked overnight with the robot inside outside his home in the 6000 block of S.W. 205th Ave. in Aloha.The robot is 29 inches long, 19 inches high and about 23 inches wide. It is valued at $5,000 and was donated to Sanchez by the manufacturer, Parallax Incorporated, for use as a teaching tool in one of his classes. The robot is called the "Propeller Quadrover," and it is strong enough to pull a pickup truck.
What in the hell is the matter with people? Who steals a physics professor's robot? Hey, why are you looking at me like that? No, you can't take a look around my garage. WAIT, STOP! Uh, uh-oh -- I've never seen that thing before in my life!
Search is on for valuable missing robot [katu]
Thanks to Nolan, who straight up accused me of stealing that bitch.
Jan 7 2009 Casting Call For New Discovery Science Channel Game Show 'Catch It Keep It'
Remember the last time I announced a casting call for a show? Did any of you actually apply? Is 'Super Testing' on the air? Has it started yet? I have no idea, I only watch educational programming. Sexeducational programming. HIYO! Porn basically. Anyway, here's the chance for you Geekologie readers to prove yourselves, and show the billions of [fact check this] Discovery Networks Science Channel viewers what you're made of!
Producers for a Discovery Science Game show are looking for contestants. Contestants can be a gonzo engineer/scientist or just a high-energy, creative, fun, builder!
They are looking for garage warriors (builders, scientists, inventors, engineers, carpenters, welders, mechanics, architects, etc...) who love to invent new gadgets, build robots, racing power tools, weld together bizarre machines that drive, fly, climb, shoot flames or launch projectiles.This Game Show is for thinkers, dreamers and doers, who are eager to let their inner MacGyvers be seen and ready to collaborate with a team of other builders to beat the clock in order to "save" the big prize!
Holy shit, I'd be perfect for this! I can hardly wait! I'm gonna be building the coolest stuff. All LEGO too! And there's a big prize involved! I love big prizes! Well, as long as they're not in the form of penises. Oh boy, oh boy! Do you think it's gold bullion? Cold hard cash? I don't know but I can hardly wait to find out! Pick me, pick me! Oh, wait, there's more.
Consumption of alcohol prohibited during challenges.
F*** that. It might just be the booze talking, but I love booze.
Jan 7 2009 Desert Eagle Wiimote Mod For Sale On eBay
Remember last week's MP5 Wiimote-gun mod? Well here comes another -- this time in the form of a Desert Eagle. Unlike the MP, the Wiimote hasn't actually been incorporated into the gun itself, but a holster for the Wiimote has been professionally novicely glued to the bottom.
DESERT EAGLE WITH OFFICIAL MARKINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS A CUSTOM Wii GUN I'VE MADE MYSELF............... IT WORKS GREAT AND LOOKS BETTER THAN ANY OTHER WII GUN OUT THERE ..I HAVENT SEEN ...WILL BE SHIPPED WITH A ORANGE TIP FOR ALL THE SAFETY MINDED PEOPLE OUT THERE. THIS IS ONE OF A KIND DONT MISS OUT !!!!!! Also this must be used with games not requiring a nunchuck. Thanks for looking and happy bidding..
My God that guy seems excited about his handiwork. The bidding starts at $20 and does not include the actual Wiimote. As of the time of this post, no bids have been placed. Which leads me to believe I'm not the only one that thinks it's mad crappy.
Hit the jump for two more pictures and a link to the auction. It's on eBaaaaaaay.
Continue Reading " Desert Eagle Wiimote Mod For Sale On eBay "
Jan 6 2009 Mmmm, Geeky Deliciousness: A Cake Gallery
As you may know, we love themed cakes here at Geekologie. Love them, love them. A lot. I mean we REALLY love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love them. I guess what I'm getting at is this: I got a little too drunk and had relations with the cake at my son's 6th birthday party. My God, you should have seen the looks of horror on all those little faces.
Hit the jump for a ton more awesomeness, including some wicked Star Wars action, a badass Super Mario Galaxy cake, and an Apple pie.
Continue Reading " Mmmm, Geeky Deliciousness: A Cake Gallery "
Jan 6 2009 Darth Vader Joins Church, Church Not Happy
In this video, somebody awesome dressed up as Darth Vader and joined the procession of the Clergy of the Lutheran Church of Iceland. You can see a couple of the members none too happy about Darth's appearance around the 0:15 mark. Sadly, they were powerless to do anything. Which proves my theory -- even God is a little wary of Vader's force-choke.
Hit the jump for another video from failblog of a highly unethical pizza delivery driver.
Continue Reading " Darth Vader Joins Church, Church Not Happy "
Jan 6 2009 IT BUUUUUURNS!: Australian Man Dies After Wife Sets His Penis On Fire, Things Go Wrong
That ain't right. You can't just go around setting a man's penis on fire while he's sleeping. I mean, what if he bee-lines it for the curtains?
Rajini Narayan, 44, is alleged to have doused her husband, Satish, with a flammable liquid while he was sleeping. When she set him alight, Mr Narayan jumped out of bed and knocked over the substance, causing the fire to spread.
Prosecutor Lucy Boord said Mrs Narayan had confessed to her neighbours, telling them she was a "jealous wife" and believed her husband was having an affair."I just wanted to burn his penis so it belongs to me and no one else, I didn't mean this to happen," Ms Boord quoted Mrs Narayan as saying.
Hooooooooooly shit! Rajini died from the injuries sustained during the penis fire last week. Now I'm not sure how the criminal law works in Australia, but in my neck of the woods this woman would get life in prison -- provided she survive the vagina dynamiting. Think Wile E. Coyote vs. Road Runner, but the Road Runner is a beaver -- and he's packed with explosives.
Hit the jump for the "IT BUUUUUURNS!" lighter trick idiot. If you've never seen it, watch the whole thing.
Jan 6 2009 Um, Hooray?: MacWorld Keynote Highlights
Good afternoon my delicate flowers. The MacWorld keynote ended not too long ago and I am here to report the highlights of said keyish note. Unfortunately, most of the news was boring and made me flaccid.
iLife '09: iPhoto, face recognition for pictures, GPS geotagging, *yawn*, sorting options. New version of iMovie, new editing options, advanced drag-and-drop, free porn, themes. Garageband '09: new interface, learn how to play an instrument lessons ($5 a pop!)
iWork '09: who cares.
17" MacBook Pro: thinnest, lightest 17-inch laptop, 920 x 1200 display, 700:1 contrast ratio, 60% greater color gamut, alleged 8-hour battery. "It comes in one config -- $2799." 2.66GHz, 4GB RAM, 320GB hard drive."
iTunes: 10 million songs by end of the quarter, ALL DRM (digital rights management) FREE, finally. Also, $0.69 and $1.29 tiers for song purchases in addition to the regular $0.99 one. 3G downloading too! Whee!
Well folks, there you have it. I want my Pulitzer melted and sent to Cash-For-Gold. The Greenbacks, bitches, I want them!
Live from the Macworld 2009 keynote [engadget]
Jan 6 2009 Tokyoflash's Latest Bling: Is That An R75 On Your Wrist Or Do I Just Want To Do You?
Tokyoflash's first design of 2009, the R75, is now available, and you have the Geekologie Writer's personal guarantee it will get you laid.* How could it not -- it comes in three different colors, including gold! Like my teeth! It can also tell time in there different modes! F*** I'm excited!
Hour-centric mode displays the hour in digits on the lower display and minutes on the upper display, each LED representing a progression of five minutes. Perfect for when you need to know the approximate time quickly.
Minute-centric mode displays the exact minutes in digits on the lower display with the upper display representing the progression of hours using twelve LEDs.Binary is presented on the upper display only. The top line of six LEDs indicate the hour, the second line indicates minutes. To read the time in binary, refer to the example below. Binary is read from the right, the first lit LED representing the number 1. This is then doubled; 2, 4, 8, 16 and 32, a combination of these numbers representing the time in hours and minutes.
Damn do I love a watch that's hard to read. It keeps the ladies looking at your wrist longer. And that, provided you plucked the hair out of that nasty looking, potentially cancerous mole, is a good thing. R75's are available now with either blue or white LEDs for $235. Also, I'm available now for celebrity appearances and photo-ops (price inversely commensurate with drunkeness at time of booking).
*Geekologie Writer's personal guarantee not guaranteed. This coupon has no cash value.
Hit the jump for two more pictures and a link to the product page.
Jan 6 2009 MacWorld Sneak Peak: The MacBook Wheel
Well folks, MacWorld begins today and everyone some people are excited to see if Apple drops some technology bombs on the world. And boy are they! Just check out the latest in their MacBook series -- the Macbook Wheel. It replaces that pesky keyboard with a touch-friendly iPod wheel. Whee! Wheel! Note: For you paint-chippers out there this is fake and the video was made by the Onion. But my god is it a good idea. I freaking love wheels. Including, but not limited to, the one of fortune.
Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Keyboard [theonion]
Thanks to Lisa, twellve, Tim, Fish and ITSELF, who all know you don't need keys to type. But you do need them to unlock doors.
Jan 6 2009 Inventor Of The Hawaiian Shirt Passes Away
Alfred Shaheen, inventor of the Hawaiian shirt, has passed away. He was 86.
"Before Shaheen came along, there was no Hawaii garment industry. There were mom and pop stores but no real modern industry," Linda Arthur, a professor of textiles and clothing at Washington State University said.
By 1959, the year Hawaii became a state, he had more than 400 employees working for him and was grossing more than $4 million a year as the major player in the islands' garment industry.
Somewhere, in paradise, Jimmy Buffet is face down in a pitcher of margarita. He hasn't even touched his cheeseburger.
R.I.P. Alfred Shaheen, I'll be rocking my favorite Hawaiian this weekend in your honor.
Inventor of the Hawaiian shirt dies [metro]
Thanks to Julian, who can get leid even without a flowery shirt.
Jan 6 2009 ZOMG, Just Like In Back To The Future!: Modify Your Car To Run On Garbage
Remember how Doc Brown had modded the Delorean in Back To The Future II to run on garbage? Well now you can do the same -- and you don't even need a Delorean (although that would help with style points, see picture above)! All you need is to throw a gasifier up in your whip.
Gasification is the use of heat to transform solid biomass, or other carbonaceous solids, into a synthetic "natural gas like" flammable fuel. Through gasification, we can convert nearly any solid dry organic matter into a clean burning, carbon neutral, gaseous fuel. Whether starting with wood chips or walnut shells, construction debris or agricultural waste, the end product is a flexible gaseous fuel you can burn in your internal combustion engine, cooking stove, furnace or flamethrower.
ZOMG, it works for flamethrowers too!?! *HONK HONK -- WHOOSH!* Best commute ever! Unfortunately, I found out the hard way the unit DOES NOT operate on trailer trash. They stole my spinning hubcaps :(
Add a Mr. Fusion to your car to let it run on garbage [dvice]
Jan 5 2009 Wow, That's Devotion: An X-Box 360 Room
Some guy went and decked out his rumpus room XBox 360 style. It has everything an XBox fan would need to game their life away, including, and pretty much limited to: an Xbox 360, green paint, and a mini-fridge.
This is my Xbox 360 Room I have been working on.
TV, Xbox 360, TV Table, Surround Sound=$3000
Led's,Led Driver,Led Dimming switch = $ 170
Rug at a Department Store = $ 120
Mini Fridge = $ 108
Chairs at a Department Store = $ 100
The floor I found on closeout
I installed myself = $ 85
painted the walls and logos myself = $ 80
painted and etched the glass tables = $ 10
Playing Xbox 360 in green glow = Priceless
Wow. That's....something. Something totally freaking awesome! Oh, and you may have already seen this, as it's pretty old. So good for you if you have. You should probably be writing Geekologie. Unfortunately, I'm the one with the internet face. Better luck next time, you handsome devil you!
Youtube
Thanks to Manwai, who was going to build a PS3 room but decided on a pool instead.
Jan 5 2009 Tell Your Grandparents: VHS Is Officially Dead
Well folks, it's official: VHS is dead. Let your grandparents down easy. And also, try to hint about fumigating their place -- it smells like old people and socks in there.
Even though most of us probably thought it was already long gone, its death certificate was signed when Distribution Video Audio of Palm Harbor, Fla. -- the last major supplier of VHS tapes -- shipped the last of its salable stock. Distribution Video Audio made $20 million per year selling tons of tapes cheaply, but now the business has vanished.
*sniffle* God, it seems like only yesterday I was recording the scrambled Cinemax channel, hoping to catch a glimpse of a fuzzy boob. Ha, but it was, in fact, two days ago. Anybody wanna go through the tape with me?
RIP, VHS [msn]
Thanks to Bryan, whose dad bought 5 VCRs a few years ago because the man was smart enough to realize technology is cyclical.
Jan 5 2009 Pssst, Over Here: Cheap Knock-Off Brands
Knock-offs: they look like the real thing, but are bought out of the back of a skeezy guy's van for a quarter of the price and either break or explode within a week of purchase. Then, to make matters worse, the bastard isn't set up on the same street corner when you go to return the merchandise. What a sham! And speaking of which, I will now perform a magic trick -- Alakasham! Can you still see me? I'm supposed to be invisible. *entering women's locker room* "EEEEEEEEEEKK!!!!!!" Oh, oh shit.
Hit the jump for a few more knock-offs, including a chicken wearing the Colonel's tie.
Continue Reading " Pssst, Over Here: Cheap Knock-Off Brands "
Jan 5 2009 Mmmm, Piggy: Bacon (Gum)Balls
Let's face it, women find nothing hotter than kissing a man whose breath smells like bacon. It not only indicates great wealth, but a refined palate and good sense of meat. So, before your next match of tonsil tennis, how about hitting a few bacon balls? Two 22-balled tins will set you back $7. Alternatively, this 3-balled ten will set you back $40 (extra for really freaky deaky shit). Book soon ladies, my evenings fill up quick.
Thanks to Manwai, who once blew a 40-gumball bubble and used it to float to Baconland.
Jan 5 2009 Little Jellyfish Cheats Death, Death Is Pissed
So apparently there's this little jellyfish creature (Turritopsis nutricula, a form of hydrozoa) that doesn't ever die. Biology is beyond me, so I'll let somebody else do the talking while I make a sandwich have a sandwich made for me.
What these little folks do is they revert completely to a sexually immature, colonial stage after they reach sexual maturity. They're even cooler than that. When they're young they've got only several tentacles, but at a mature stage, they get to 80-90 of them.
They're able to return to polyp stage due to a cell change in the external screen (Exumbrella), which allows them to bypass death. As far as scientists have been able to find out, this change renders the hydrozoa virtually immortal.
Did that make any sense? I didnt' bother reading it, but I think it had something to do with being able to regenerate your arm like a starfish. *sawing through bone*
UPDATE: Um, so does anybody have the number for Luke Skywalker's doctor?
Meet the world's only immortal animal [zmescience]
Thanks to Emile, who only wants to live long enough to see a hovercar.
Jan 5 2009 Conceptual Hydrogen Vehicle Is Questionable To Say The Least, Stupid To Say A Little More
The Ozone is a conceptual hydrogen fuel cell vehicle that looks like a coffee can. I can only assume it's the brainchild of a design student that stayed up all night snorting Adderall the day before their semester-project was due.
The vehicle works on hydrogen powered fuel cells and looks futuristic in every way possible. The body is encased between two giant wheels controlled by separate motors which are powered by fuel cells, though this two seater looks more like a design picked straight out of fantasy due to its semi transparent glass casing and controlled by joystick.
Eh. Nice try, budding designer, but if this thing is so futuristic, where are the rockets? Things are going to float in the future, not roll. It's time for a change. I mean, shit's been rolling since Ug pushed his cave-bitch down a hill. Now for your homework assignment I want you to go home and watch some Jetsons.
Ozone Hydrogen Powered Car with 2 Giant Wheels [tuvie]
Thanks to Carlos, who once made love to a chick with a jetpack on because he likes to live dangerously.
Jan 5 2009 Geekologie Writer's Junk Spotted On G-Maps
Just in case you were curious, that's it. :O
Thanks to TetterkeT for reminding me I passed out on the football field that night. Haha, the visiting team drew on my face with Sharpie!
Jan 4 2009 The Bigger The Better: Artist Makes Fat Cars
Erwin Wurm is the artist responsible for making this series of 'fat cars'. Similarly, Ronald McDonald, Wendy and The Burger King are the artists responsible for making my series of 'fat ex-girlfriends'.
Hit the jump for three more obese autos.
Continue Reading " The Bigger The Better: Artist Makes Fat Cars "
Jan 4 2009 Sexy Pole-Dancing LEGO Minifig Works For Tips In The Everfrost Mountain Brewery
High atop the snow-covered peak of Everfrost Mountain the elves brew a wicked batch of grog -- a grog so powerful it can etch diamonds and make a Goron's pee burn. I'm telling you, that stuff will even put hair on an infant's chest. It's true, look at my newborn. Just kidding, that's a Furby. Anyway, this is a LEGO brewpub built by a guy named Andrew. And what brewpub is complete without a pole-dancing LEGO minifig? None. And this particular dancer is powered by a 9v motor, so she spins about the pole like a champ -- in both directions (video after the jump)! Which is a lot more than I can say for the last stripper I saw -- she tried to slide down the pole upside down and fell on her neck! Needless to say, I took my dollar back while she was dazed.
Hit the jump for a short video of Plastica doing her thing on the pole.
Continue Reading " Sexy Pole-Dancing LEGO Minifig Works For Tips In The Everfrost Mountain Brewery "
Jan 4 2009 Russian Roulette: The Nokia Gun Phone
This is a conceptual Nokia gun phone made by somebody in Photoshop. It's fake. Mad fake. Faker than the ID I use to buy booze (I'm 16). Because no phone company has the gigantor cojones it would take to manufacture an actual handgun-phone. And I think we can all agree, that's a fundamental problem with today's society. That's why I outsourced the manufacture of a gun-phone to a friend of mine. And I've got to tell you, this shit looks legit. *BRRRING* Oh, if you'll excuse me -- I need to take this. *BANG* Oh. Uh-oh. Listen, I've gotta run to the vet real quick.
Gun Phone Concept [uberphones]
