Dec 18 2008Science!: The Periodic Table Of Awesoments
Unfortunately, it probably doesn't look that awesome since you can't read any of it. So click HERE to see the whole thing and all the awesoments that make the world cool.
In 300 B.C., years before the birth of black Jesus, Aristole postulated that all good things were made of "win." That was a pretty good guess, but he was drunk and probably also having an orgy. Modern day awesominers know there are actually 118 fundamental "awesoments" that compose all good things. The Periodic table of Awesoments can be a very useful tool. It's designed to show the relationships between awesoments, and often one can even predict how awesoments interact simply by their positions on the table.
Awesome. Although I question the awesoments in the traditional 'noble gas' section (ninja, sniper, vampire, wizard, etc.). I would argue that those particular awesoments are, in fact, highly reactive and not as tame as their position in the table suggests. Am I right? Example: "Hey ninja -- I banged your vampire mom last night. Yeah, she made me slap her ass with garlic nunchucks the whole time. Then your assassin dad walked in on us so i put my wizard robe and hat on and did him too. Then I had a sniper buddy take him out. Haha, your Jedi mind-tricks don't work on me. Now let's throw some clay on the potter's wheel and get all ghost-y." Seriously folks, you see how reactive that shit was?
The Periodic Table of Awesoments [dapperstache]
Thanks to Bryan, who I was surprised to see absent from the table.
Reader Comments
1. Gladyr - December 18, 2008 10:59 AM
FIRST!!!
2. Elmo - December 18, 2008 11:00 AM
Lame!
That's... no where near as awsome as I could make it.
3. gladyr - December 18, 2008 11:00 AM
LOL this is all wrong Chuck Norris # 11 we all know he should be # 1
4. LSDiesel - December 18, 2008 11:00 AM
That is so cool. I think my chemsitry teacher had something like this in his class room. Of course, he was also fired after only working there a year because he was testing horomones that would induce breast growth on all the nerdy girls.
Rumor said there was also a bookworm orgy in the library.
5. Madgame - December 18, 2008 11:01 AM
Bob Sagat shouldn' t be on the list
6. Gizmoduck - December 18, 2008 11:01 AM
OH MY GOD ITS DDDDIIIIIPPPPPPP
7. Bad Wolf - December 18, 2008 11:04 AM
01258 65894 665237 89654
8. che-che - December 18, 2008 11:06 AM
this is what happens when you get stephen hawkins, to create a chart of awesomeness. not so awesome, now is it.
LAME!
9. Carlito - December 18, 2008 11:06 AM
hahaha se la mamaron con chuck norris weyes!!, que imaginacion
10. JJLyter - December 18, 2008 11:12 AM
You've got to be kidding me right?
Chuck Norris comes before Boobs and Sex .. and sex is 113?
Did a chick make this list?
11. Davo - December 18, 2008 11:13 AM
Where the hell is PW - PEW PEW PEW?
12. samdog - December 18, 2008 11:19 AM
How the f*** is sex 113 and beer 6, that is complete bullshit, there is nothing more awsome than good drunken sex with a bar whore..............which leads my to ask why bar whore is not on this list. Who ever compiled this list is obviously a fag.
13. known - December 18, 2008 11:21 AM
eeehhhh, kinda nothin special or someone has too much time on their hands
14. I'm a Computer - December 18, 2008 11:22 AM
i'm glad this asshat nerd at least included 'sex'. even though he left out boobs blowjobs and i'll stop there before i get a cubicle boner. too late. bathroom break.
15. gb - December 18, 2008 11:35 AM
geekologie and /b are starting to merge...
16. Zack - December 18, 2008 11:36 AM
can someone tell me who the F*** thinks Bob Saget is awesome!?!?!
i will hunt them down, have sex with them and kill them and then have sex with their corpse before using it to bludgeon bob saget to a bloody pulp which i will then proceed to have sex with.
17. Pew³ - December 18, 2008 11:38 AM
I agree with 11. It needs Pew. Biased opinion of course. I would also like to remind readers that this is supposed to be a periodic table, not a ranking. Chuck Norris would not be number one because thats low. Chuck Norris has much more protons and electrons that that.
I personally don't believe Taco Bell should be on the table. But I live in Southern California where we have real Mexican food. Taco Bell is not even close.
18. Moose Knuckle - December 18, 2008 11:38 AM
While ninjas seem awesome on paper, in reality they're just an annoying nuisance. I use sprays and traps, and bait, they go away for awhile and then I see a coupla poison darts or a shuriken and I know... those pesky ninjas are back.
19. LSDiesel - December 18, 2008 11:39 AM
@14, you obviously didn't see #13
20. Dogless - December 18, 2008 11:59 AM
Bs: is it Bob Saget or Battleship?
Just saying..
21. VanillaFace - December 18, 2008 12:09 PM
Despite Bob Saget's sudden reemergence as a 'dirty comic' I really don't see him being awesome in even the slightest way.
22. Mel - December 18, 2008 12:09 PM
I'm having trouble accepting "mullets" on a table of supposedly awesome things.
23. robo - December 18, 2008 12:21 PM
I can't find "Liger" of Napoleon Dynamite fame?
24. Bryan - December 18, 2008 12:48 PM
#17 is absolutely right, it's not a ranking, it's a table. so save your LAME comments for the last Miley Cyrus' video on Youtube, because that's probably what you do all day long instead of studying some chemistry.
25. Gail - December 18, 2008 12:56 PM
AWESOME!
26. LA0811 - December 18, 2008 12:57 PM
Replace Bob Saget with Neil Patrick Harris and we're good.
I'm totally on board with #1.
27. Sharla - December 18, 2008 1:02 PM
Yeah, Mullet and Bob Saget have to go... otherwise... AWESOME!
http://internetmiscellanea.blogspot.com/
28. samdog - December 18, 2008 1:07 PM
#24 you are a dipshit those have to be ranking they sure as hell aren't the atomic wights and if it's not a ranking then why even have the f***ing numbers. Grab your chemisty set and head back to the basement.
29. Thumperchica - December 18, 2008 1:07 PM
If they were going to list knock-off Mexian food, it should've been Del Taco.
How did pr0n not make the list?
Mullets are the opposite of awesome.
WTF - video games aren't on the list?
ASSHATTERY!!!!!!!!!! Douchenozzelly list of gheyness.
30. Daisy - December 18, 2008 1:10 PM
FAKE!!!!
This is a complete photoshop job. You can tell its a fake because the shadows are all wrong.
This is exactly like that scene in the movie Never Back Down where Max and Baja are camping in the woods, and Baja has her period. This attracts bears and Max has to fight them off with a knife that shoots compressed air. Luckily Baja figures out how to use the RC helecopter with the .45 mounted on it, and is able to help fight them off.
31. Mcfeely Smackup - December 18, 2008 1:19 PM
"#24 you are a dipshit those have to be ranking they sure as hell aren't the atomic wights and if it's not a ranking then why even have the f***ing numbers. Grab your chemisty set and head back to the basement."
Agreed. The joke is that it's awesome stuff presented in the form of the periodic table...teh problem is that it's just random things with made up abbreviations. you might as well have made a bulleted list.
This FAILs on many different levels, mostly because the creator obviously doesn't know dick about why the periodic table is laid out like it is, or he'd know why this is a FAIL.
32. chaz - December 18, 2008 1:39 PM
how the hell does a mullet have a higher awesomeness scale than the mustach or even nijas for that matter!!!
33. samdog - December 18, 2008 2:41 PM
#31 perfectly stated
Daisy is my hero...(keep up the good work)
34. Spider - December 18, 2008 3:50 PM
why is Chuck Norris number 11?!?!? he should be like 2, after bacon! and why is sex like number 113?? It should be one hahaha so i guess bacon can be number 3
I like how most of us were on the same page... HIGH FIVES ALL AROUND!
35. rainbowcinderellageek - December 18, 2008 4:34 PM
If they would have used this when i was in high school...i wouldve remembered ALL of them.
36. Boing - December 18, 2008 4:44 PM
Hasn't anybody else noticed that Chuck Norris is the only Awesoment *without* an abbreviation. It's obviously because he would roundhouse kick anybody who tried to give his name an abbreviation. And hes not #11, hes number 1... twice!
37. Zeb - December 18, 2008 5:00 PM
F***! They forgot MIDGETS! Midgets are super awesome!
38. Einstein - December 18, 2008 6:49 PM
Lighten up, people, it's just for some quick smiles. That said, I agree about Bob Saget and Mullets.
And shouldn't the Vulcan Nerve Pinch be on any table of awesome(ness)?
39. scottc - December 18, 2008 7:10 PM
so who's up for 113 with 57?? GW?
I'm going 113 with 60 - that's where it's at!
40. Sassypants - December 18, 2008 8:07 PM
you "put on your robe and wizard hat"?
GW - are you the bloodninja?
If so, I love you even more.
41. Franchesca - December 18, 2008 10:07 PM
wtf with bounty hunters
the dude is weird and his wife is fugly
:O
42. eggs - December 18, 2008 11:52 PM
:( How androcentric.
GW, you're running the risk of losing your female audience here...
43. Lessssss - December 19, 2008 12:34 AM
I pretty much love this.
44. LSDiesel - December 19, 2008 1:08 AM
Also they forgot my mom's fat pussy, which is awesome.
45. Sleaze - December 19, 2008 9:22 PM
I vote that 100 be the hightop fade. Or the afro.
46. guate6 - December 22, 2008 3:38 PM
Mg is on there twice :(
Otherwise, much awesomeness exudes from it.
47. murbly - December 24, 2008 4:24 AM
Too bad #22 is misspelled. :\
48. austinm2011 - December 25, 2008 6:25 PM
number 70....spelled wrong...were-wovles?
were-wolves*
sorry to ruin your fun....PEWPEW
49. Sammy Miami - December 29, 2008 9:47 AM
Where's invisibility? Am I just not seeing it?
50. Thumperchica - December 30, 2008 5:00 PM
I retract my snark about Video Games not being on the list, seeing as how it's #77
@49 - you make a point, I think it's #112, although, how would you know?