Dec 9 2008Pentagon PEWing For Guided Bullet Tech
The Pentagon is tossing $22 million at developing guided bullet technology that would enable a bullet to change course midflight because it wasn't shot right first in the first place, the wind changed, or the head you were aiming at moved. *closing blinds* Greeeaaaaat.
Darpa won't say, publicly, how far, how long and how accurate they want the new bullets to be -- all that information is classified. But they will say that Exacto should contain a next-gen scope, a guidance system that provides information to direct the projectile, an "actively controlled .50-caliber projectile that uses this information for real-time directional flight control," and a rifle. "Technologies of interest may include: fin-stabilized projectiles, spin-stabilized projectiles, internal and/or external aero-actuation control methods, projectile guidance technologies, tamper proofing, small stable power supplies, and advanced sighting, optical resolution and clarity technologies."
Hey Darpa, I hate to ruin the party, but guided bullets already exist. They're called missiles. Yeah, they're laser guided and they shoot out of my penis. PEW on this, moneywasters! Oh, just a minute. *PSSH* Oh -- *PSSSSHHH* Aaaahh -- *PSSSSSHOOOOOOOOW!!*
Pentagon Shoots $22 Million Into Guided-Bullet Tech [wired]
Thanks to Erick, who came up with that PEW *WHOOSH* PEW thing, and never misses the urinal.
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Reader Comments
1. GRAMMARNAZI - December 9, 2008 10:18 AM
"FLURST!!!"
2. SuperFrank - December 9, 2008 10:22 AM
Well ya wanna pew pew?
It's that pew pew, ya know what I'm sayin'?
It's that pew pew!
3. well shit - December 9, 2008 10:24 AM
THIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRD!
4. known - December 9, 2008 10:24 AM
Ugh that pew pew shit is soooooo gay
5. Thumperchica - December 9, 2008 10:40 AM
this really seems like a horrid idea...
6. The Dingo - December 9, 2008 10:42 AM
PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW
i just blasted one through five and the other one is so if someone beats me to the post!
i preorderd the bitch
7. Get Mad Baby - December 9, 2008 10:48 AM
No job too dirty for a f***ing scientist
8. PLEEEZE! - December 9, 2008 10:53 AM
"This capability would have the further benefit of providing increased accuracy and range while reducing training requirements."
Um...yes, that's just what we need: a new weapons platform which allows us to utilize the least trained soldiers. Hmmm.
How's about this idea. We HIGHLY TRAIN our soldiers so that we don't need the fancy pantsy gear. Or, if the rooty tooty fresh and fruity shooty goes south, that HIGHLY TRAINED soldier can use his HIGHLY TRAINEDNESS to employ the "dumb" ammo instead.
I used the regular stuff with suprising accuracy, and with a spotter your kill percentage is regularly in the high 90s.
I say we develop our surveillance techniques so as to know where our enemy resides and get them there...yes, WE KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE is an excellent deterrent to terrorism.
Just sayin'
9. Harry - December 9, 2008 10:57 AM
Gene Simmons say:
"That is sooooooo 1984".
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0088024/
10. lisasimpson - December 9, 2008 10:59 AM
Terrorism?
Screw that. We need this technology to keep our neighbors in line. I hate waking up to the neighbors pissing out behind my trailer. Next time I find that sonbitch watering his weasel next to my el camino I'm aiming straight for his johnson. With this sort of technology, even when he shakes it I'll be spot on.
11. Daisy - December 9, 2008 11:08 AM
FAKE!!!!
This is an obvious photoshop job. You can tell its a fake because the shadow's are all wrong.
This is exactly like the scene in the movie Never Back Down where Max and Baja stole a car with a trunk filled with drugs, and then took it out to the desert and set it on fire.
12. Madgame - December 9, 2008 11:14 AM
Sometimes when I eat a sandwich I end up biting my hand
13. Dirty Paul - December 9, 2008 11:23 AM
@10 - I don't think I ever heard someone who lives in a trailer use the expression spot on.
14. lisasimpson - December 9, 2008 11:41 AM
Damnit. You found me out. I don't really live in a trailer. I just wish I did. Then I would have an excuse for the meth addiction and the herpes.
15. jaime - December 9, 2008 12:22 PM
what i don't understand is why the pentagon and the DOD don't try to create non-lethal bullets, i.e. darts with something that puts you to sleep, like really fast tranquilizers.
16. PLEEEZE! - December 9, 2008 12:23 PM
@14
Sorry, but your grammar is not bad enough for the meth addiction and I'm fairly sure that the "herpes" is only a computer virus. Just check under your mouse. Is there a reddish rash with some texturing? Yes, computer virus.
17. lisasimpson - December 9, 2008 1:32 PM
Hey. Girls with masters degrees can be meth addicts. Don't judge. As for the herpes, I think it's just razor burn.
18. Elmo - December 9, 2008 1:53 PM
is that the new model of the "Big Ass" gun? or is it the latest "WTFBBQOMGHUGESHIT"
19. Somebody - December 9, 2008 2:18 PM
The boys at the Pentagon picked up the WANTED dvd I see...now stop oggling over Angelina Jolie's Boobies...
20. known - December 9, 2008 2:22 PM
15: Because then they have to deal with you later. It's easier to just 'end' you from being any more of a problem than to sort you
21. DrNecropolis - December 9, 2008 3:12 PM
GOD I LOVE DARPA! What wonders won't they invent! All they have to do now is mount guns like that on their winners from the Grand & Urban Challenge, and we have our killer robot army! You gotta love progress!
22. yeti - December 9, 2008 3:55 PM
seems like darpa may have seen 'who framed roger rabbit' a few too many times....
anyone?
http://www.filmdope.com/Gallery/ActorsC/3966-21221.gif
23. formerly SPELLINGNAZI - December 9, 2008 5:20 PM
GW hit it right on the nose, when a projectile is guided, it becomes a missile. and # 8 is correct, but if these ever came out, because of the cost they'd only be used by the people trained and authorized to do so, might as well use that training on shooting straight in the first place. Experienced snipers won't need these.
24. al - December 9, 2008 8:48 PM
agreed number 8.
my first thought was "why dont the pentagon just hire some SAS snipers and give me the 22million"
haha.
25. derock - December 10, 2008 12:21 PM
hollywood will soon be reality.
Gene Simmons used them to kill people and tried to kill Tom Seleck once w/ guided bullets in "Runaway"
along w/ crappy spider robots w/ giant hypodermic needles attached to said robots.
26. Right Fury - December 11, 2008 11:05 AM
first of all the guy in this pic is British SAS and he's holding a barrett light .50 (m82a1) made in Tennessee, the home state of shootin' stuff.
Secondly, the .50 caliber is effective up to 1800 meters with a muzzle velocity of 854 m/s. So at the max range, it would take a little over 2 seconds to hit the target. If a sniper is trying to engage a moving target, 2 seconds is pretty long, especially when you're trying to anticipate his movement/wind velocity/rain fall/etc.
This could also cut down on collateral casualties considering the .50 tends to demolish whatever it hits.
Of course darpa will leverage this tech for other things too. I hope they get it right.
27. Stefan - December 15, 2008 7:56 AM
DUDE!!
This is (actually) fake!! (Thanks Daisy)
This is the EXACT sniper rifle from f***ing HALO
LMFAO