Dec 26 2008New Mercedes Feature Alerts Sleepy Drivers


Mercedes, in their unending quest to save the lives of the rich, is installing a new feature in its E class automobiles (sorry, you C class peasants are still f***ed).

Mercedes studied the brain waves of sleepy drivers, and matched those up with lackadaisical steering tendencies, resulting in a car that can sense if you're spacing out.

Attention Assist uses precision sensors on the steering column to watch your attention level, and if you start to fall asleep, it sounds an obnoxious alarm, accompanied by an icon in the middle of the speedometer suggesting that you pause for a cup of coffee.

No word on whether it can distinguish if you're just masturbating.

Mercedes cars now smart enough to wake up drowsy drivers [dvice]

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Reader Comments

Oh yeah...Porky Pig-ing it in the car.


This is a complete photoshop job. You can tell its a fake because the shadow's are all wrong.

This is exactly like that scene in the movie Never Back Down where Max falls asleep while driving, rUns off the road and spins the car several times and then skids to a stop in a motel parking lot. When the rest of his passengers awake he declares "We're here!"



This is a complete photoshop job. You can tell its a fake because the shadow's are all wrong.
I suppose it can detect where the nearest Starbucks is too!
No unfortunately there is no engineering or medical cure for S-T-U-P-I-D or rude, short of a bullet

uhhh what are all those FAKE!!!! posts?

Haha, always quick with a joke, eh writer? Nice.

I wonder if the patterns are similar than those of drunk people? The world may never know...

Forget the I need more coffee idiot light...
I want a chime for my pickup that sings this song instead...
B-double E double R U-N beer run

all we need is a ten and a five-er
car and key and a sober driver.

B-double E double R U-N beer run
B-double E double R U-N beer run

I like GWs sense of humor. I also like the song above my comment here, I am going to sing it all day now =)

"sense if you're spacing out. "...
do...any uhh...herbal .....uhh...things..affect the sensor, as research done at a local Uni suggested that drowsyness is a common misunderstood reaction to getting stoned....

What if you take your hands off of the wheel all together?


This is a complete photoshop job. You can tell its a fake because the shadow's are ALL wrong.

This was ripped straight out of a scene from the movie Tender Dracula where a squirrel drops an acorn out of a tree which lands on the nose of one of the drunken overdubbed frenchmen while he is driving. Thinking that the acorn is relative of a hornet he once killed out of malice, he swerves the car madly, kicking at the windscreen hoping that the oncoming erratic wind force will gust the vengeful hornet away and allow him to escape.

Unfortunately, after the third kick, a large splinter from his right clog is driven into his middle toe, the pain causing him to remember a day in late spring in '71 when he trod on his old girlfriend's engagement ring in the hallway of their new apartment, causing him to realise that she had left him.
Just as he is about to crash, he wakes up and realises it had all been a dream, and crashes shortly afterwards into a pile of hay.
He thinks to himself, if only he had had a coffee warning light on his car, all of it could have been prevented.

The rich really are different...

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